Hmmmm...
WICKED BABY DADDY
I met AZ while working in a particular oil affiliated company in Port-Harcourt with my secondary school certificate. He was in his final year then. I took care of most of his financial needs.
After graduation, he went for youth service and our relationship continued. With the help of my brother, he got a job.
I lost my job and decided to visit him to clear my mind from the pain of losing a good job. I used most of my savings on us.
We got a better accommodation and house things. I got pregnant and he insisted on an abortion which I refused as this is not the first and meanwhile, why abort when we had plans of getting married next year.
His mother and sisters know me. I help them from time to time.
I called the mother to inform her of the pregnancy and his son's decision. She promised to call me back but did not. One day I heard him discussing with his sister that AYZ is pregnant. I know her because he told me when we met that she is just a fling. I died and woke up.
I confronted him immediately and he apologized, told me that is why he wants an abortion as he is not mentally ready to father two children from two women. I cried and, forgave him.
I registered for antenatal,
We lived as nothing happened with my baby growing inside. At 7 months, he suggested I go stay with my aunt in Port-harcourt so she will help with baby shopping .
My parents are late.
I travelled to Port-harcourt. My guy stopped picking my calls, when he picks, he will give one excuse or the other. The next thing I heard from a neighbor was that my guy brought the other lady to our house. She has given birth to a baby girl.
The house I paid the rent. Bought most of the home appliances. I did not believe it initially because we were living in peace before I traveled. He promised to visit my people immediately the baby comes.
I also heard his mother came for omogwo.
I travelled heavily pregnant to see things for.myself behold it is true. I went to complain to his elder sister. She advised me to calm down as my health and the health of my unborn baby matters most.
I don't have parents. I don't have a job. She asked me to stay with her till the baby is born which I did.
My guy wedded the other lady two weeks after my baby came but no one told me. I gave birth to a baby boy and my aunt asked me to come over so she can take care of me and the baby.
It has been 3 years. I currentlly work in a small private company. My guy wants to be physically there for his son. He wants us to relocate to his base so that it will be easier to see and train his son. He promised to get a house for us, open a business for me but I can get married to another man if I wish. My aunt is saying I should not go. I need all the advice I can get.
DONT GO!!!!
WHAT A WICKED MAN...becareful of him cos hes a liar and may take your son away if you refuse to sleep with him.....If he wants to see his son, he should travel to see him..he cannot wat his cake and have it,if he wanted to be in his childs life everyday, he should ahve acted responsibly....Na see finish cause am or what? After all you did for him and helped his family see how they paid you back?gosh!!!
Please stay where you are!!!
My own advice is dont relocate to his base, he will want to have you anytime he wish and wants to control you.. he can still be sending you money from afar and come see his son anytime he like.. and for the record he is a very wicked man..
ReplyDeleteFornication carries too many consequences , flee from it
DeletePoster you were a colossal fool before, don’t be a fool again. He didn’t and still doesn’t like you, the way he treated you had no atom of kindness and love it. He is also a very selfish man who is trying to force you to bend to his desires without a regard to you because you have zero self esteem and self respect that it took being maltreated repeatedly and confronted with rejection to finally finally mind your life. Don’t be a fool, if he wants to see his som, let him travel and see him. Stop allowing a foolish man with no consideration for you scatter your life again with worthless promises. Don’t be deceived.
DeleteHe said the oyher lady was a fling. Red flag. He goes on to tell you that he wanted you to abort because he can't handle that two women, his girl friend and fling are both pregnant for him. Then he tells to to go stay with your Aunt in PH. My dear, the signs were kinda there that he wasn't going to take up responsibity for the child. He's not the only wicked person, his mum o plus his sister. Now he wants to be involved in the child's life. Do not move down to his state o. He knows where to find you anytime he wants to visit his son.
ReplyDeleteThe child was born out of wedlock snd he cannot lay claim to him, better dont allow him have access to that child or else the real drama will start in your life and will make you lose many opportunities from better partner to job or business deals cos he will mess you up emotionally
DeleteBeing born out of wedlock doesn't mean the father cannot claim the child in law, may be according to some certain culture and tribes sha.
DeletePoster, give yourself brain, you've acted foolishly before, please don't be more foolish. Don't move an inch away from where you reside now to go meet a very wicked guy and his family, they will cunnily collect your baby from you and at that point you may be totally helpless. If he cares about his child, he should travel down to where you're based.
Anne K
I guess he still wants you around as his second fiddle. Na from clap, dance dey enter body.
ReplyDeletePls go, what do you have to lose?just don’t quit your job where you are till you get everything he promised you and do NOT allow him do once de be always de be for you. Dont open your legs for him again. Go and collect everything he wants to give to you, you deserve it
ReplyDeletePlease ignore this person's advise in Jesus name. You have everything to lose. Stay where you are and manage the income you have with your dignity and respect b4 one human being will try to disrespect because they pay your house rent. Please move on with your life. If he cant sacrifice to see his son that's on him. You have done well by birthing the child.
DeleteThe useless and worthless man despises you and has no value for you. He is wants to arrogantly throw crumbs and annex to informally make you a sex slave and traumatize you afresh
DeleteThe useless and worthless man despises you and has no value for you. He is wants to arrogantly throw crumbs and annex to informally make you a sex slave and traumatize you afresh
DeleteShe should leave her aunty (literally her only family that has been taking care of her and her child) and go to a different state to be financially dependent on a wicked man and his family? And you're saying she doesn't have anything to lose? Which job will allow you travel indefinitely and resume when you like?
DeletePoster, hope you know someone that pays your rent and opens a business for you (which I doubt he would), as he wants you to be at his mercy financially will having sex with you on a regular basis? They might even kidnap the child from you (that's his first son), i don't know if has had another son yet.
God blessed you with your aunty as some family members won't want to be burdened with a single mother and her baby and you want to walk back into hellfire with your eyes opened? Keep that man at arm's length, if he wants to see his son, he should fix an appointment with you so you can arrange it, meanwhile, pick up your life and build it, you're a single mother and you have to move on without him.
Mtcheww mtcheww mtcheww
DeleteThis is so painful to read. The heart of man is wicked. Like Stella advice do not go he may likely not fulfill his promise.
ReplyDeleteSo he can’t send his support to your location? If you leave your God sent aunty’s house because of this guy’s empty promises,consider yourself a perpetual side chick cos that’s what that guy will turn you into. A case of many senseless babymamas
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Fan abeg ask again oh!!!bank transfer no dey go again.poster,u berra arrange urself and have some dignity.build a life for ur son outside dat baby daddy.dont go looking for wats not lost.
DeleteBiko ask her well ooo
DeleteYou better stay on your own o
Before he collect your son from you and sent you into depression and also turn you
into second fling..
Yeye dey smell...
He should be the one to come over to your base ..
If he no fit come mk he send money..
Hello iya boys
PLS STAY WHERE YOU ARE. STOP MOVING AROUND AND INCONVENIENCING YOURSELF FOR A MAN WHO HAS NO RESPECT OR REGARD FOR YOU. DO NOT SWALLOW HIS LIES.
ReplyDeleteSTAY WITH YOUR AUNT.
And pls ladies, stop living with a man when he has not done anything for you as bride price or married legally. E get why.
Poster , sorry about the ordeal. Please don't go, he will do worse, he will collect the baby from you. He is only concerned about you because you have a baby boy. He used and betrayed you. Don't worry, believe me , he will pay for it. Money you ought to have used to develop yourself, even if it's a part time course or learn a skill, you used it on an ungrateful human being! Maybe he saw that you are not on the same educational level with him, thus he went for his level. Also ladies don't open leg for a guy until he wed or pays your bride price, this will make him eager to do the needful. Once again don't ever fall for his lies, let him send whatever money he wants to for the upkeep of his son. Don't go anywhere.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I thought too.
DeleteHe's just interested cos you gave birth to a baby boy.
You know how attached men are to baby boys.
Madam success is the best form of revenge.
Go and Succeed !!!
You are still saying my man wants me to do this and that' lols....he no marry , you are still believing his jaggons....No go o...he will impregnate you again
ReplyDeleteWow!! You were the side chick all along and you're still calling him "my guy". My sister he's not your guy pls. Such a wicked soul. And he still wants to make you a permanent side chick after 3 years by relocating you, opening business and all.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Sister you deserve better. You can still find your own person, get married and live happy. Don't allow that guy use you the second time.
U still want to trust him with what he did to u?..
ReplyDeleteHe should send the money to start ur business where u are now don't be deceive twice..
You are still calling him "my guy". Do you want to be his side chick? If that's what you want, accept his offer.
ReplyDeletePoster don't make that mistake of going anywhere, he will show you pepper and there will be no one to console you when his wickedness part2 will start.
ReplyDeleteLet him send you money to do all those stuff he promised, he can travel from time to time to come see his son..Agbaya wants to eat his cake and have it back by sleeping with you while he's still with another woman, yeye man.
Wow, after all you did for this guy and his family,later they will be advicing young ladies to be bob the builder,after building what did you get.....I really feel for you but I wouldn't go if I were in your shoes,it could be a ploy to take away your child.
ReplyDeleteHe can send his child support and come around whenever he wants to see his child.
This life no just balance....it is well with you.
The fact that after all you claim you went through, you are still asking for 'advise', shows you completely lack sense.
ReplyDeleteCompletely.
Kai this one entet
DeleteKai this one enter
DeleteTrue
DeleteI know she will go ahead with his demands
Completely o! Can't believe my eyes
DeleteGbam. Very low self esteem poster. Imagine the nonsense asking for advise. She will go back and that guy will drag her 50 steps backwards honestly. She’s desperate for his attention!
DeletePoster be very careful so your aunt won’t stop helping you. Especially when she realizes you don’t have sense. Listen to her very well. She’s older and wiser!!
Ps: work on your self esteem and confidence! Go back to school if you have to and feel fulfilled in your life.
Men & Women don't go all out for anyone especially when you hope the person marries you because disappointment is in the DNA of every human being...This is indeed a sad story
ReplyDeleteDo not listen to him, just dey your dey jeje
ReplyDeleteStory of my life,this man just want you as a side piece, relocate indeed..some people are just plain wicked,his family were all in the know,don't go poster,if he wants to be part of your son's life,he can be from any part of the world,it is well with you poster.
ReplyDeleteKia na waooo, how wicked can people be. He just used you for his own selfish gain. I don't think you should relocate, you staying in the same location with him might trigger something, your feelings for him may spring up, or you may hate him for his betrayal towards you and might just want to interfere as in ruin his marriage. Don't you think so?
ReplyDeleteAny support he wants to render should be done from a distance, if he wants to see his son, he should travel down to you...
You mean you are asking for advice on what to do the man who showed you such depth of wickedness & chose another woman in your stead...forgot everything you did for him & did not even think that he was hurting an orphan... my dear Stella has said it all, if you don't know, the only reason he is offering you whatever is offering you is because he wants to get hold of his son, as soon as he does that you will never set your eyes on that boy again, the woman in the house will turn your child to what you don't & you will lose on all fronts. Aunty borrow sense & disappear with your son as fast as you can, God will take care of you & your son. Pls protect him with your life bcos that man does not love him. If you have aborted him as he asked you to do, what will he be looking for now, aunty be wise o
ReplyDeleteI hope the poster listens to you
DeleteYou see this thing wey you dey suffer so, na you cause am.
ReplyDeleteIf you decide to keep the baby when the other person doesn't want to, then you should be ready to face whatever outcome or challenges.
Because I'm sure if he wanted the baby but you didn't, you'll still take it out, after all your body is your body..
You both consented the sex, he didn't rape you, so why do you think only you should be able to say whether to have the baby or not..
Bringing a child, just like having sex require consent and agreement from both parties .. so I no go pity you or blame the guy on that one, you choose your actions, you bear the consequences.. he just had to deceive you to leave the house without fight and drama for the other woman he has agreed to have a child with to come in.
............
Don't make another mistake.
Do you want to torture yourself seeing the other woman enjoying what you wanted?
If he wants to be in the child's life, then you both have to reason together and compromise on some suggestions.
No, you're not moving to where he is.
No, he shouldn't pay your accommodation where you are, you're not his wife, if he begins to do that then you should know you have accepted becoming his side chic, the best that can happen is that he pays half the rent since his child lives there, and be honest with the price, don't go and be doing that musician baby mama stunt, then when you get married that half rent payment MUST stop.
Let him pay the child's fee and send a reasonable amount for his care. Emphasis on reasonable, if you decide to do like that musician baby mama, asking for unreasonable amount or car, just know he'll ask for sex and no just complain cos you don't expect him to be giving you money for nothing.
If he agrees to this, make sure you don't deny him his child seeing whenever he wants to. Let them meet and bond.
............
You see all what you did for him in the past, just regard them as sunk cost/ bad investment.. e dey happen. Don't stay holding on to what is gone, and then lose more.
Blessings
Thank you Dante. Your comment makes sense today. 👏🏾 poster read this over and over so you can have enough sense. Stand your ground and don’t just go by what he says because he has done it before and you ended up at your aunty’s place. Be very wiseee. Also improve yourself; go back to school. Do this for you and your kid!
DeleteDante the man is a user and evil. Make true allow you talk
DeleteDante the man is a user and evil. Make true allow you talk
DeleteI always look forward to your comment.
DeleteIt's unfortunate,you still love him,someone that did you dirty. I know you will still go and collect another pregnancy. 😒😒😒
ReplyDeleteCodependent relationship. No self worth. It’s a big shame.
DeleteDon’t move a morsel from where you are. He won’t open any business for you. And would rather have you jobless And dependent on him so he would you use you as side chick.
ReplyDeleteShe would become a side slave, not side chick if she goes. He knows her mumu button and that she still loves him. Even in this chronicle she still calls him 'her guy'. He never appreciated her and still does not but wants to continue to use her. Poster this man is wicked. I see you haven't learned your lesson. In life if you don't learn the all important lessons, they continue to repeat for as long as you continue replaying your mistakes. My dear build yourself and your life for your sake and that of your son. Someone who really loves you will find you. This man is already married. Don't allow this man continue to use and ridicule you.
DeleteHe can sponsor his son and still visit his son. Why should you uproot and upend your life for him? I know you want to go, but please be wise and don't.
Ladies please avoid suffer head, i never chop guys. They are humble cos they are broke. You will see their true colour when they start making money.poster pls dont move to his base, he wants to keep u as his sidechick.
ReplyDeleteDon't go to his base please. He can visit and send money...make sure when he visit u are there since your child is small. He can steal him.
ReplyDeleteGbam. It’s good you mentioned this because poster seems very stup*d I swear.
DeleteWhy are you even listening to him. You better be careful before you have the second child and you become his permanent side piece
ReplyDeleteOh dear, what an awful situation with your child’s father. I am truly sorry for the life experience you have been subjected to. You’ve been through a lot at a young age, but it’s time to grow. I am heartened to see that your aunt has your best interests at heart and has been a strong support for you. Having such a reliable support system is crucial in your current condition, as it can provide the stability and help you need. Especially as a single mother with an infant, that’s a tough road to walk.
ReplyDeleteFrom his past behaviour, your child’s father has shown a pattern of dishonesty and instability. Moving back might expose you to more emotional turmoil. So think carefully about your long-term goals and whether you want to trade your future prospects for his empty promises that have repeatedly let you down. He has a history of broken commitments. You have a job now, which is a step towards financial independence, even though it is not what you had before. Yet it holds potential for independence and self-reliance, which relocating might disrupt and bring you back to square one.
It is more empowering to build your own path, with the guidance of your aunt. Especially if you consider the toxic environment your son’s emotional and physical well-being could be exposed to from an early age. Stability and a positive environment are key for your child’s development. This would ultimately allow you to walk the path that ensures the best future for you and your child. You have made enough mistakes already with this man, why repeat the same mistakes that took away your peace and happiness and brought you bitterness?
May your path going forward find God's favour.
It is because of your lack of sense he is calling you back.
ReplyDeleteAfter all you claim you went through, you want to force yourself in.
You kept repeating that you do not have parents, and that, my dear, is the reason why you have to always calculate the future cost of ur decisions. Not not this one, but in future, anything you embark on, always always remember where you are coming from, and where you wish to be.
ReplyDeleteTo any young girl out there reading this, don’t let any man deceive you, when you fall in love, always carry ur brain with you. Most importantly, fear God in all that you do, it would do u a lot of good.
Exactly.
DeleteWhen you do not have a foundation or back up, you must be extra careful in all descisions you take.
You must build yourself stronger and faster.
That an adult has such low EQ is beyond embarrasing.
Do whatever you wish customers I doubt any advice will be taken by you.
Women stop enabling these men. U sponsored his education, thereby neglecting yourself. No one can advice u but yourself.
ReplyDeleteExactly, money she would have used to hustle part time, when the good job ended, you would have been qualified for another job because you has a certificate as well as work experience. Poster, it's not late tomoick up
Delete* it's not late to pick up your life and arrange it, what are your plans for your education and advancement job/career wise? Start working towards them now, build yourself, stop calling him "my guy", he's your baby daddy and a very wicked person at that. Be strong dear, it is well.
Delete* you have a certificate
DeleteI don't have strength to type. Take Stella's advice. Go nowhere. He didn't value you then he doesn't value you now, and will never value you. It's all about the son. Be careful before him and his wicked family scheme and take your son away from you.
ReplyDeleteChai some men dey sha.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever think of relocating to his base o,that guy is wicked,if he wants to see his son,he should come to ur base
ReplyDeleteI'm a man o but this one off me. Some guys are damn cold, calculating and heartless.
ReplyDeletePoster I won't advise you. If what you wrote up there is true, your decision should be clear enough to you.
You can co-parent in peace of he wants that but nothing else apart from the child should join or bring you two together ever again. He doesn't value you at all.
ReplyDeleteYou still want to move to his town as..? some of you women don't set boundaries with your baby daddies, I'm not married and my ex baby daddy isn't also married but there's boundary, he will want to use you as toy if you allow him, my dear dust your shoes and accept reality that he may not take responsibility for the child even if you move to his town, i even commend you for still believing what he said after plenty lies and betrayals, i will never believe that kind of person for all he has made me pass through if I were you, you better not let him impregnate you again and become a baby mama the second time.
ReplyDeleteI will not be surprised you have relocated to his base already.
ReplyDeleteSomeone preferred you abort your child while the other woman kept hers.
The other lady gave birth and his mother came for omogwo.
He wedded the other lady and left you that suffered for him..
All he needs is your son and not you.
They re planning to kidnap her son and she is here considering rubbish calling my guy up and down ,the chronicle dey vex person you see that your saviour aunt better hold her side tight cos if you relocate you go see Nebuchadnezzar'.make una dey get sense now before person go abuse person wey senior am
DeleteWhen will Women learn to STOP spending money on a Man that has not married them ??? Invest only in yourself! After sponsoring his education maybe he now realizes that he can’t marry School certificate holder and went for a graduate!
ReplyDeletePlease stay where you are. May the Lord increase you and give you the best man you can ever ask for. You don't need your baby daddy for anything. Focus on your job and your son. If he wants to be in his child's life, let him be travelling down to your base to visit. And please, ensure you're always there whenever he comes.
ReplyDeleteHow is he your guy when he left you for another lady. Don't go anywhere he will mess your life up.
ReplyDeleteYou be MuMu oooo. So even if nobody advice you, you for still carry your son and travel down to meet him ? Kai
ReplyDeleteThis your chronicle jus dey vex me
When my partner of 6 years dumped me after all the sacrifices, I was scared ,broken and desperate. I began to wish that I had gotten pregnant for him, at least (I thought to myself), I would have something to show for all those years and I would not have to start afresh.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a year now, and I am grateful that I wasn't in that situation, most importantly, I have HEALED in many ways I didn't think possible.
I totally cut him off from my life, I don't even know a thing about him anymore and I am glad.
Why uproot yourself from your location to your child's father's location when you are not married to him or dating him. What exactly are you hoping for? Men are selfish, and if you give him room, he will continue to USE you SELFUSHLY and Still dump you
You have to be intentional about rebuilding your life independent of him, you have to carve tour own path. Ignore him and totally detach from him.
If he wants to rent you an apartment, let him send the money,,so you can do so in your location. If he wants to send feeding money let him send to your bank account. You have no business being within close proximity with him. Before you realise, you will turn to DE FACTO Wife, unofficial 2nd wife, glorified side chick.
Just walk abeg and whatever you do, NEVER Dine or get back in bed with a man who dealth treacherously with you. He will only cause you more pain.
This man is wicked, this made me sad.
ReplyDeleteMadam please don't go anywhere,I sincerely pray for a better job for you amen.
He said you can marry another person if you WISH? I don't understand!!!!! He doesn't expect you to marry? Does he want to marry you as second wife? Or will he be 'managing' you until you find a husband?
ReplyDeleteBecause I don't understand.
Let me give you the load down of the ABC of your situationship
ReplyDeleteDear sista, don't build with a broke man from a broke family.The responsibility of building a man is God that created him not you a mere mortal
2.Marriage is not the beginning and end of a blessed life,some had it good in marriage but it didn't last,some had bad marriages that later worked out,some never got married,some became poor single mothers that later on became billionaires,some single mothers with 4 or 5 children all boys sometimes mix sex,left their husbands, boyfriends,baby daddies,sperm donor and still married good God fearing,purposeful men.
3.A bad marriage can never give you peace of mind,or the love and respect you deserve as a woman
4.You are the author of your life,never you put yourself at the mercy of any human being except God
5.Divorce is real,don't be decieved it happens when I least expected it ,go to courts and you will marvel at the speed and rate of divorces.
6.Your God ordained man is still searching for you,who will love you even if you are HIV positive,live under the bridge with one eye,and don't have a job.
7.Believe in God your creator,love yourself and your son above any man.
8.Be happy,I have seen single mothers that were selling pure water at traffic lights,marry well and end well, stop starring at the door that has been shut against you long ago( your baby daddy) while ignoring the new doors God has opened for you( Your son,your job,your new environment and your aunty)
💯💯💯
DeleteYour umbilical cord is not tied to this 'my guy', dear poster!
ReplyDeleteBear it in mind that the only treasure/gain from the 'shege' he showed you is your son, so protect him well from being snatched by 'my guy' or his family members for selfish purposes.
This moment should arouse in you, the passion to succeed exceedingly in life because good results cancel bullshit!
Please, wake up!
Na wa o o o! You see ba?
ReplyDeleteTell him he was never the one responsible for the pregnancy. Blank him...manage with your son. that kind of evil man can kill. You better not be a fool again...
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly. Poster, bear this in mind and look to build your own life, at least, for your son. That man does not care about you and if he can eliminate you and take your son, he will. His family might even be the ones encouraging him to go get his son. Wicked family. Just move on and you will meet your own husband and start your own family. Kudos to your Aunty, who has been there for you
DeletePerson that showed you pepper..you’re calling “my guy” can’t you reason with your head? “My guy” someone’s husband is “your guy”
ReplyDeleteJsyk, “my guy” doesn’t love you and will never love you because no man that loves his woman will treat her the way he treated you! No man! You were a side chick all along. You better move on and stay where you are
Most men are so heartless with the way they reason. He should be sending you money for the upkeep of the child. Going to his base might be counter productive.
ReplyDeleteWoooow. You see once a man treats you like shit once, walk away from him immediately. You have to take your power back and never give it to him again. If na me I will tell him to send money for my movement and for the business he wants to open for me (please call big money) and don’t move. Just use that money he gives you as compensation for the hurt and move on with your life. It’s this kind of man you should sue for breach of promise to marry.
ReplyDeleteMtchewwwwewww. Try and be sensible naa. Do not do yourself a disservice by going to his base, I beg. You will suffer o!
ReplyDeleteDo you like to be a suffer head like after all your kindness you re allowing him to sweettalk you to rubbish ,how old are you again that you re even considering and waiting for advice .
ReplyDeleteYou re an orphan and somebody that supposed to treat you right abandoned you at the most time you need him and you re thinking of it .
You have a son right wait till they connive and take your son away from you.The only person you have now is your God,your kind aunt, yourself and your son.
Send your account number to him if you relocate with all these nonsense he is telling you,your eyes will peel.
Remember Sophia davido said he wants to still have access to her body that is why she rejected the house, be a wise baby mama, girl you own the ship let your flag fly higher
Poster you never learn God delivered you from the valley of shadow of death you want to go back because you think he will sort your bills even if he is a billionaire, the suffer , betrayal he put you through with his family never so you .
ReplyDeleteYou go get sense when he impregnate and abandon you again pls get sense
Why are you even asking for advice,?
ReplyDeleteWalk away from that man and also work on your self esteem.
Sorry about what you are passing through.
ReplyDeleteAll these wouldn't have happened if you had engaged in a no sex before marriage relationship. If sex was not involved there won't be pregnancy and even if he breaks up with you, it would have been easier for you to move on