PATERNITY WORRIES
About 7 years ago, I visited my mother when she was still alive. She mentioned something that still lingers in my heart. I need people's opinion.
It was a year before her departure, she held my hands and looked directly into my eyes then she said" My daughter, if in the future you travel out or divorce your husband and you decide to remarry or go into any relationship, please avoid people from Ilorin".
I was very curious considering the seriousness in her voice. I was not even thinking of travelling out neither was divorce a thing I would consider at that time.
I asked her for the reason. She told me I might be related to one Popular Fuji musician who is from Ilorin and she feared that I might meet the children of this Fuji musician in the future. I asked to know how I am related to the musician, then she dropped the bombshell. She explained that she had something to do with the musician and she probably thinks I might be his daughter.
My mum was trying to get closure,she knew she was going to die soon. I was too shocked to ask her more questions. I could see she was grateful that I did not judge her. She died before I could finish processing what she told me.
My mum really had a very rough childhood and was married at 16 years. I am now in the UK, still married but I discovered that my heart is longing to find out if the said Musician is truly my biological father. He is still alive. I wish she never told me. I have tried to silence the thought to reach out to the said musician but it has been very hard.
I don't know why my mother told me. Please advise me on how to deal with this situation.
My dear, I am sure it is all these DNA talks all over the place that is making you think this way..
If you find out that he is your father, what will you do? You would be disrupting lives..Please let sleeping dogs lie and avoid ilorin people
Nsogbu
ReplyDelete😂 Stella say avoid illorin peoples 😂 But that’s the fact. She should follow her mom’s request
DeleteHow will she be disrupting lives?
ReplyDeleteShe deserves to know if that man is her father.
Poster, do whatever you can to find out if he is truly your dad. I am sure you feel uneasy you were not able to gather more info from your mom before she passed.
Now, you have another opportunity to do so, please go all out so you can find closure.
I know you are not interested in what he has, you just want to know if he is your dad and you have every right to. Goodluck.
Sluttychic.
Honestly.
DeleteU need closure too and the only way is by reaching out to him, when u do, ask him about ur mum, if he still remember..
💯
DeleteGo ahead, and reach out to him, cos you're not going to let it go.
ReplyDeleteStella no talk like that na. What about getting closure?she needs to find out if the musician is truly her father abeg. Poster find out biko, no be say you need their money but it will at least give you peace of mind to find out the truth.
ReplyDeleteI would reach out to him quietly and him if he knows any [mothers name]
ReplyDeleteTake your next step based on his reaction
It’s normal to want to connect with one’s biological parent. Nothing wrong with it. Many parents also receive such news with joy so let him know a little bit and leave it up to him if he wants to know more
And ask him *
DeleteAyinla Kollington?
ReplyDeleteI won't judge your late mum but women please keep your coochie in one place na.If not give pikin to the owner.
Kollington is from oro not Ilorin
DeletePoster I really empathize with you. If you want to find out, please go ahead however keep in mind of disappointments or you might not be well received by him or his family.
ReplyDeleteIf this is the closure you seek then it's all good. I am glad your mum let you know before she passed on. May her soul rest in peace Amen
See the evil your mother did? Oh, because she’s dead doesn’t exonerate her of the fact that she made another man think he left a seed in this world before he departed. Wait, what if you are the supposedly only child of the man that your mother deprived of genuine offspring?? Look, this is the worst possible place you’d bring any issue relating to DNA to because aside a very few women here, the rest are ….!
ReplyDeleteHow do you know the father didn’t know the whole time
DeleteThere are men that will take a women scorned by another and do great by her
My friends dad took in his wife’s first child and raised him as his own
You scorned man. What is she supposed to do? This is about her not her mother.
DeleteStella I won't be able to let go ooo especially if I can afford to.
ReplyDeleteNo Stella let her resch out. You can't tell it might just be a beautiful reunion who knows. poster do what you have in your mind.
ReplyDeleteSo after all the noise.child must go and look for his father.men shouldn't bother when women take their kids from them.maybe this one is rich i guess too
ReplyDeleteReal life will do everyone and we are all going to be humble..for now everyone should claim king Kong on social media.poster look for your dad.
I wish you can let go, but if you can't pls go ahead, and get ready to stomach anything you come across in the process.
ReplyDeleteGoodluck
Poster Abeg dey your dey. What if after all the stress you find out his is not your father or he is and still don't want anything to do with you?
ReplyDeleteIf after investigation she finds out he is not her dad, she can move on with the satisfaction that she did what had to be done.
DeleteWhat if he is her dad? Poster, go all out.
Illorin has musicians? Shocking. Tried a bit of a search. Came up empty.
ReplyDeleteI think there's something your mom saw. She mentioned about traveling out when you never knew you would one day. Could it be she foresaw you getting involved with someone that may end up being your relative?
You have every right to find out who your true dad is. Just have it in mind that fatherhood is more than whose genes you carry. The man that raised you up is more a father than whoever Mr musician is. Though to be fair to mr musician, your mom kept your existence hidden from him as well.
The games women play....
The process to find out will be cumbersome. Please it will open you up to some many things,you may not be prepared for. Ask yourself those salient questions.
ReplyDeleteStart by doing a discreet dna test for yourself with a sample taken from the man that raised you if he’s still alive.
ReplyDeleteIf he’s late, you can use the sample taken from his maternal side. The test will show if you are remotely related to him or not.
Do this before you start looking for any musician from Ilorin.
Your mum could be wrong Poster.
Seek closure and let your husband knows about it maybe you might have a sshocker
ReplyDeleteThis is not for husband consumption now
DeleteYou can ask him,let's know how it goes. But ensure you speak to your husband first
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister poster please do not look for any popular musician biko, God will help you overcome the yearning for closure because we never know this musician man might even be worse than you think after finding the closure just commit it to God's hands and avoid Illorin people as mama said, your children too should avoid them to prevent cousins marrying themselves.God will help you Pele dear. I have a family member with similar issue but the away father is late, thank God, he changed his surname bfr the revelation came from his mum that the surname he was formerly bearing wasn't actually his real father's surname, this is somebody that was already married with old children o.Paternity fraud has always been an issue from days of old.
ReplyDeleteMy dear sister poster please do not look for any popular musician biko, God will help you overcome the yearning for closure because we never know this musician man might even be worse than you think after finding the closure just commit it to God's hands and avoid Illorin people as mama said, your children too should avoid them to prevent cousins marrying themselves.God will help you Pele dear. I have a family member with similar issue but the away father is late, thank God, he changed his surname bfr the revelation came from his mum that the surname he was formerly bearing wasn't actually his real father's surname, this is somebody that was already married with old children o.Paternity fraud has always been an issue from days of old.
ReplyDeleteYou can find out at least for closure sake.
ReplyDeleteThere was no mention of whether or not your mother's husband is still alive. If he's not, do you have siblings you can do a familial DNA test with, to see whether you're full or half siblings?
ReplyDeleteStart from there.
Please bear in kind that this will only work, if you're sure your sibling/s is the biological child/ren of your mother's husband. Whatever the results are...will dictate your next moves.
If the above advice doesn't apply, because you have no siblings or the husband is dead...then, reach out to the musician, through his manager's contact info.
Best case scenario...
You do the test. He is your dad. He welcomes you into his family, and you get to meet and know your relatives.
Worst case scenario...
The test shows he is not your dad, and you're left wondering who your biological family is.
Mid-range scenario...
He is your dad, but he doesn't show too much interest in knowing you, nor does he attempt to intergrate you into his family. At least, you will know and won't have to continue wondering!
The mind is hard to quiet once it sets its heart on something. I am an overthinker so I understand all the thoughts and the pressure that builds up. The only way you will stop the thoughts is to go ahead and start the process of finding out the truth.
ReplyDeleteNow, remember that there is a phenomenon that exists where fathers and adult daughters who meet for the first times seem to venture into immorality. I have only seen this with oyinbo ppl, so I don’t know if it is particular only to them or it happens to others too. Please protect yourself from all immorality on your quest.
Very good advise because this happens
DeleteNo harm in trying to find out who tiur real father is, you need to build tyst father and daughter's relationship. Please continue trying to reach him, he could be your father. Did you go through your mum's documents when she passed away or you just felt she was only joking
ReplyDeleteMake sure you avoid ilorin people when it comes to marriage but you need them to find out the truth.
Your mum tei you two things which are to travel out and not to marry ilorin people. Now you are in the UK so what made you think the second thing she said will not be true.
If you never ask, you will never know. Best to ask and he says no than to never know. If you avoid ilorin people,what about your kids? They marry their cousins.
ReplyDelete