DEEP HATRED FOR HUSBAND
My husband is part of those that coordinate the primary class(age 7 to 13) in church as a deacon , so whenever he finishes, he doesn't join the adult church but stays in the car till we close because he says he doesn't like disturbing the adult church but I do see some coordinators from his class in adult church.
My husband is part of those that coordinate the primary class(age 7 to 13) in church as a deacon , so whenever he finishes, he doesn't join the adult church but stays in the car till we close because he says he doesn't like disturbing the adult church but I do see some coordinators from his class in adult church.
I told him to try and be coming instead of sitting alone in the car till I finish from the adult church but he insisted and said No.
I now told him I'll report him to his elder siblings that I know he'll listen to them but he won't listen to me.
That's how he flared up and said I should never compete with his sisters again. I now told him that , heaven bears me witness that the issue of competition is not in my mind that I even have regard for his siblings by saying I'll report to them but he insisted that I should never mention his siblings again.
I now told him I'll report him to his elder siblings that I know he'll listen to them but he won't listen to me.
That's how he flared up and said I should never compete with his sisters again. I now told him that , heaven bears me witness that the issue of competition is not in my mind that I even have regard for his siblings by saying I'll report to them but he insisted that I should never mention his siblings again.
These same siblings have never called to greet me in ten years of marriage. I stopped calling the sisters when I see that it seems they aren't happy because he's married after over 40years of age. They dont even call him but he calls them.
The only thing they remember me for is when they want to do party, they tell me to travel down and cook, wash plate, serve and do all manners of degrading task but that I have stopped, hence the hatred for me.
Husband man insisted I should never talk about his sisters that way again by mentioning that I'll report him to them. I said he should even be happy that I said I'll report him because it means I have regard for the elder siblings. I told him I can never be afraid of them with the way he's behaving irrationally as if I said something bad about them. I told him that with the way he's behaving, he will make me hate them more.
He's still keeping malice because of that but I no send him. He's used to keeping malice anyway but I still won't agree that what I said is bad from my own POV
But when he sees bad thing about my own siblings even parents, he doesn't hesitate to talk about it or condemn it.
Like my brother sent 40k to my mum from UK, my husband has to condemn it that how much is 40k? That I should ask anyone. It's just 40pounds that the amount we use and feed in his home is more than that.
Husband man insisted I should never talk about his sisters that way again by mentioning that I'll report him to them. I said he should even be happy that I said I'll report him because it means I have regard for the elder siblings. I told him I can never be afraid of them with the way he's behaving irrationally as if I said something bad about them. I told him that with the way he's behaving, he will make me hate them more.
He's still keeping malice because of that but I no send him. He's used to keeping malice anyway but I still won't agree that what I said is bad from my own POV
But when he sees bad thing about my own siblings even parents, he doesn't hesitate to talk about it or condemn it.
Like my brother sent 40k to my mum from UK, my husband has to condemn it that how much is 40k? That I should ask anyone. It's just 40pounds that the amount we use and feed in his home is more than that.
He said I have poverty mentality that's why I'm talking like that.Can you people imagine?
It led to shouting and serious argument between us that he should never talk about my sibling like that again that at least I appreciate his effort of sending 40k but that he shouldn't condemn him. I have deep hatred for him now....
Hmmmm it seems like you did not marry your friend.....
What is causing quarel between the two if you minor, what is escalating it is lack of love between you two... Stop talking about his family and stop telling him about his family since you both use it against each other....Stop telling him when your brother sends money..40k is definitely small but it is what your brother has, some want to send but cannot send cos they dont have means of livelihood.
Your relationship with your husand is bad...
Your relationship with his family is bad.....
Is it possible that you are the problem? I am asking because you started the Chronicle with how you tried to force him to attend adult church that he didnt want to.......
Change the way you handle issues with him and he may do same with you.....
Stella has crowned it all. Take her advice.
ReplyDeleteI'm concerned about why the man would want to remain in the car after his service.
DeleteIt's curious that Main church service is going on, and a member would rather stay in the hot vehicle than enter inside?. It sounds very strange and I understand why she is bothered about it .
However, threatening to report him to his sister's over this issue, is quite extreme. She should have handled the matter better.
I wish them all the best in their marriage.
Madam listen to me! Is it waiting in the car that is bringing issues now? Let him wait in the car so u have your peace moreover please enough of involving family members in you guys arguments.
DeleteI don't believe in reporting spouses to anyone
Poster, seems like your husband is heady, just leave him to wait in the car under the hot sun, by the time something happens outside while others are in church na by himself he will walk into church for adult service. Don't discuss your siblings or parents with your spouse since you know he likes to judge. Just free him, some spouses are worth freeing to have your peace of mind. Don't fight him just look at him like an immature person and ignore his petty talks and you too brace up yourself that whatever he says wouldn't pain you. You need to be strong poster to tackle this issue. Don't report him to anyone na you and your spouse gat the marriage.
DeleteIt's obvious you want things to be better (You cared enough to send in this chronicle), you wished he didn't behave the way he does that makes you worked up.
DeleteWhat you term hate may just be your frustration with him... embarrassing you by sitting in the car while service is ongoing and pressing phone, talking down on your brother's efforts etc.
Somehow the communication isn't great and you wish he'd put more effort(you hinted on some preaching by the pastor that could help the home).
Frustration, anger, disappointment, resentment and then hatred for perceived rejection (rejecting ones suggestions can be likened to rejecting the person)
You aren't wrong neither are you right (our emotions run deeper than logic sometimes and our actions are largely influenced by them).
Crux of the matter: HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE TO MY HUBBY IN A WAY THAT HE WILL LISTEN
Check below 👇
PCX
What you may not understand is the children service is really draining and challenging because I coordinate children age 7 to 9 in my church also and once I'm done I don't bother to enter main church again but just go home with my children. Why does he need to enter adult church? Was it just to please people around him? God has already marked him present and answered all his heart desires even ahead of those in The adult church if you ask me. Poster just let your husband be man to make his own decisions and stop doing as if you are his mama.
DeleteYour hubby had no business knowing how much your brother sent to your Mum. You said you will report him to his sisters, the same sisters that do not care about your existence.
ReplyDeleteThey just have a bad marital relationship because I don't see why it's a big deal that the hubby should how much her bro sent from the UK. Couple tell each other these things, and whether he thinks it's small or not is not something to fight over.
DeleteEverything smells wrong in this union. They don't communicate well, and they don't seem interested in making things better. Imagine using "hate" for her husband.
Marriage is constantly working on yourself to be better for your partner. You were not raised by the same parents, so you have to work on yourselves to be compatible
Small thing, you want to report to his sisters. As per? Because he's in his car? Is that not something you 2 can work out? Omo abeg I nor fit dey speak English. Teeth dey pain me😩
I wonder too o, please married people, know when to keep quiet concerning your families and siblings, stop gossiping them with your partner. Many of them will use it against you when the time comes!
DeleteAs in!
DeleteMy dear, reason why they say communication is key in a healthy relationship.
DeleteIt is well with your marriage ooo
DeleteMay Heaven hands fall upon you both 🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
Male children are very stingy and hard hearted towards their family. Imagine 40k in Nigeria of today. But a girl child will send more . My doc bro also sends same amount. Despite driving a Bentley in uk. Wicked tins
ReplyDeleteLol @ wicked tins.. After marriage, most male children become mean to their family.
DeleteMale children generally have more bills:
DeleteSaidatu Bills
Wife Bills
Children Bills
In-laws Bills
Sometimes, personal Bills
Most married female children who have Family home care Bills and Children Bills
Send 40K or lesser or nothing home to their parents.
Some married couples know how much battle they face from the wives' families after the wives got involved in caring for their matrimonial homes and children, and therefore could not care for their paternal family as they did during single--hood.
If you mention sending monthly upkeep to our mother my brothers will fight you
DeleteI pity women who didn't give birth to girls and the ones who says they don't want girl child
"After marriage"
DeleteIt a wife that stands between "before marriage" and "after marriage".
The wickedness starts after the man brings a wife into his life, right?
Na una talk o.
You are right. Even my ex used to send the mother 5k monthly I talk tire about the small amount but he didn't bulge.
DeleteNa una know the kind family when una come from.
DeleteMy male siblings and I send hundreds of thousand separately to our parents monthly (we don't contribute but only find out when our parents speak out of gratitude); birthdays and celebration seasons are something else.
My brother inlaw moves heaven for his parents. My father inlaw moves heaven for his parents; with a nurse, two maid and a driver on payroll for them.
My male friends don't joke with their parents as well... make una reduce acceleration in generalization.
@18:28
DeleteWell said.
You are wrong, kindness has no gender.
DeleteAbeg your male friends dey find wife? I love men who take care of their parents. Goodness and mercy always follow them.
DeleteFrom you narrative, you sound so rude.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how you talk to him in person.🚶🏼♀️🚶🏼♀️
Apple she sounds immature too
DeletePoster abeg grow up you hear
How old are you?
She does sound immature. The attitude of the man staying in the car while service is still on is also strange. Communication is their main problem. Maybe they can benefit from couple counseling. Poster 'hate' is a strong word. Ask yourself why you married your husband in the first place and what you think changed.
DeleteFrom you narrative, you sound so rude.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine how you talk to him in person.🚶🏼♀️🚶🏼♀️
Lol… obviously. If you are neutral enough you would know she deliberately brought her husband to be slaughtered here because she knows it’s her kind that makes up the majority on this blog.
DeleteShe is more about her husband being disrespected and insulted by strange women than wanting solution for her soon to be broken marriage.
GOD ABEGOO MAKE WE NO MARRY WEYREY OO
ReplyDeleteDOZZYBEST.
Amin o
DeleteThere’s an underlying issue. It’s not what the quarrel is about. You two resent each other that’s why u argue like this. Leave both families out of your lives. And let me tell you a secret reporting to his siblings won’t yield anything. It will only make matters worse and they will side thier brother mark my words
ReplyDeleteIf he doesn’t want to come to adult church. Let him be!! He is an adult not a child. Most times women always treat men like they don’t have a brain and it’s bad
Let him live his life. You that is a church girl live your life and let us see the fruits of the Spirit in you. Stop arguing!
Chart a course for your life and live it. Let him alone to solve his issues abeg.
Zendaya
Yes, there is resentment there on both sides.
DeleteMadam you are not serious, in fact you are a trouble komoko
ReplyDeleteHow is this an issue bikonu? Oga said he doesn't want to enter church after his class, please leave him alone, you want to go and report him to people that have no regard for you, can you hear yourself? How old are you ma?
Na you find trouble o, you better look for a way to fix it
I tire o. Some couples don't have issues, they are simply immature.
DeleteIt is very odd for your husband to have no desire to join the adult church service. The entire energy of church is community and togetherness, so why does he want to stay separated in his car, not even another part of the church. His behaviour is odd and suspicious. Perhaps you also feel somehow about how it appears to the public. But if he is adamant that he has no desire to join there is nothing you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like neither of you particularly like each other. So many ppl are focused on love or financial security when they are choosing their life partner that they forget to ask themselves if they like the person. Liking them is just as essential. I am not going to act as though ten years of a union can be summed up in a few paragraphs, I know neither of you and I do not know under what conditions you came into union or for what purpose. But you can put a hidden recording device in the car to see what is happening on Sundays in there and do not mention anything about his sisters again.
Ensure you put something away for yourself financially for your security in old age. Someone who likes to indulge in malice keeping should not be trusted in having your best interests at heart, so stock and pile aside quietly.
The children church is also another ministry of the church
DeleteMany of the children teacher's don't join the big church when they dismiss
Nothing is odd maybe the church is annoying
DeleteMany churches are these days
All they preach is money
The wife that is joining the adult church is she a good person? from this write up did you see anything Christlike in her?
I suspect he is deeply resentful towards her and doesn't want to sit beside her in the adult church. I believe they have no relationship or communication at home, apart from talking about the kids' and home maintenance issues. It will take the grace of God for this marriage to survive. There is a fundamental issue causing the bad blood between them - all these incidents she mentioned here are just symptoms of the major issue
DeleteGifty, thanks for this insight. I’m used to seeing them renter the adult service once theirs is completed. Guess things are different in Naija.
DeleteHe ought to join the adult church when he is free. He doesn't have to sit with his wife in church. If he doesn't like the church, why is he forcing himself to go there and serve? It is actually a concern. If they were close, they could have discussed it like mature adults then come up with some sort of compromise. It seems all their communication ends up in arguments and this fosters resentment, which fosters hatred. It is high time this couple does something fast to work on their marriage before the center will refuse to hold any longer.
DeleteHe has no business sitting in his car after teaching the children. He ministers to them and he needs to be watered too by sitting under another person for his own spiritual uplifting. If he doesn't lhisten to the sermon, how would he be refill to enable him impact on the kids. He need to be in the adult church at least twice in a month during Sunday service.
DeleteHe's simply a stubborn man but the wife lacks wisdom on how to handle him....
Madam this issue you are taking serious is very small and simple. Why hating your husband because of this little misunderstanding na so una go take harm una husband one-day o.
ReplyDeleteJust leave his family alone and don't talk about them again for peace and don't force him to join adult church, he said he can't so let it bear and bear it with him like that. Make una leave each family alone then there will be peace.
Madam you can’t force an adult to do anything even if he’s your husband. From your narrative, seems like there is already a considerable amount of resentment between you two. That’s why he flares up at any little thing you say (you probably do the same).
ReplyDeleteI think you should remove mouth and eye from whatever concerns him, except it affects you and your children. Also don’t be telling him things about your family to avoid insults.
There is something about men, even the best of them it seems… whatever you tell them about your family, friends or past is the eye they will use to look at you in the present and even insult you with it. Even the most mundane things. I will tell my daughter that no matter how in love she is, she should be careful how she portrays her family and friends to her husband/boyfriend
Your last paragraph is everything.
DeleteYour third paragraph hit it!
DeleteSo true. After my husband made some uncharitable comments about my family, that was the last I discussed my family with him. If he knows anything it may be because he joined me in a family meeting or someone said something around him. I keep family info to a minimum.
DeleteLack of good communication is the problem.. How can u married be for10years and u still fight over things like this, it very childish..
ReplyDeleteStop unnecessary argument with him.. Let him be.
Stop talking to him anyhow.. Respect him.
Stop talking about his siblings..
Tell him to stop talking about yours..
Apologize, a wise woman keeps her home, u have make ur points, apologize for talking to him the way u did and that it's wont happen again.. Simple
@Poster, i understand what you mean and feel when your husband will not sit under a Pastor to receive instructions but he can teach teenagers. It is a disaster waiting to happen. He needs prayers.
ReplyDeletePls stop telling him about what goes on with your siblings and your Mum until further notice. Except if necessary.
Stop arguing with him. Learn to listen and do instead of talk. If for any reason he does something and he neds to be reported, tell him you have reported to God. God is your father and his also and leave it there. Leave God and allow him to work on your hubby.
Work on reducing the argument. Take the posture of sidon look. If he asks for your opinion tell him you will pray about it and then let him. And pls pray.
Pray for your husband.
James 1:19
Be slow to speak, quick to hear amd sslow to anger. Gor the anger of man does not work with the righteousness of God.
Best wishes.
Your first paragraph is nonsens....l. What yeye Pastor? I am sure it is women like you that respect your Pastors more than your husbands Mtscheeeeeeeew
DeleteIt is not nonsense. Part of the essence of going to church is to take in God's Word through your pastor. Therefore your pastor should be someone you respect and can be pastored by or spiritually shepherded by. This does not negate your personal relationship with God, but should rather enhance it. So never stay in a church or be shepherded where you are not directed to by the Spirit and where you can't have peace.
Deletewhy do you think you have the right to change an adult that his parent did not change? you are the problem here by trying to force him into attending adult church when he is not willing to do that. You should have approach this issue in another format and see than forcing and you went ahead to threaten him like you are his husband.
ReplyDeleteNo need to involve your both family in your argument or discussion, keep whatever happens in your family far away from your husband. Any day he gives you gist about his family only listen but do not make contribution. See finish has already entered between you too. Your brother gave 40k cos that is what he has, if the 40k is small as your husband said he should make it up. No one knows how your brother is making it over there. Most people expect so much from those in abroad that is why people will complain than money someone gave you is too small.
Build your home, stop looking for who you want to control or change but accept who you are married to and look for possible ways to make him your friend. What you mentioned up there can be used by friends to have a good laugh especially after a nice time (s**). You should not destroy your home by showing some i don't care attitude.
Poster, I pity you because u are in trouble already. There will not be any original comment for u as per bvs. I hope u get my drift.
ReplyDeleteNext time u travel for a party, copy whatever ur sisters in law do. If they sit and refuse to do any work, u sit and also refuse to do any work. If they are working I.e cleaning, cooking, washing, etc, pls join them.
Your husband flared up about being reported to his sisters for reasons best known to him because if the situation is as you have stated, he actually has no point.
I know how we wives like to sit with our husbands in churches or at events, so I understand ur trying to insist on him coming inside but you have tried and he doesn't want to listen, so leave him alone.
He can mention and chook mouth in things that concern ur family but u can't mention his? I am the type that doesn't keep anything from my husband but that's because I know him to be a kind and sensible person since ur husband uses ura against you, do not mention anything that concerns ur family to him anymore.
And from what you've narrated above, you definitely are not the problem. You are only reacting to the hand you have been dealt.
Thanks for saying it as it is. Your points are so valid. Like I have been begging and persuading him to come to adult church before I got annoyed that day because people were asking after him when they saw me and the children together but no husband.
DeleteHe was busy sitting in the car pressing phone. he put the chair in a sleeping position.
They finish from primary class by 11am while we finish adult church like 12:30pm. There are things they talk about marriage and very useful information which I wish he can hear about.
Thanks anyway, I appreciate
See how you rubbished the views of other BVs in advance. I never expected anything less from you - you are like the poster, a domineering and unsubmissive personality that must be obeyed and be the decision maker in the home. Stella, pls post my comment o - it shouldn't go to your pot as usual - see the way BVs were denigrated by Eka Joy
DeleteThank you very much Eka, iji ya Nne, the man and his family are wicked bullies.
DeleteIt's kuku ment @17:27.
DeleteExactly my thoughts Eka, my people and following the bandwagon.
DeletePoster, you're not wrong wanting to seat with your husband during church service. The method of communication might not have been the right way. Such headed men are best captured with speaking to their conscience. Let him know you feel lonely and want to feel his presence besides you during service and hearing the word of God together as a couple means a lot to you. You don't need to fight over this issue. Just go back apologise and speak to him nicely, how seating alone makes you feel.
You are actually wrong wanting to report him to his sisters. The same sisters that treat you like their slave? Have some respect for your self and cut them off. I am sure part of your husbands anger is the fact that you want to report him to his sisters that don't have respect for you as his wife.
Poster you're a troublesome woman. And very controlling. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteNo she's not troublesome,she just wants the best for the husband.
DeleteYou say you want your husband to attend adult church and he does not like the idea. But why should he? You attend and yet look at the kind of character you have. You hate your husband you say and yet you call yourself a christian?
ReplyDeleteNothing works when hate is involved. Address the hate in your heart before it destroys your home for good.
The man will sit away from her in church. She knows it. People have observed what is going on between her and her husband, and one may have mentioned it to her. She knows that.
Delete"We prefer that people see a colourful carton of our marriage than the real content of it." (adapted from a podcast speaker)
Madam you sound quite disrespectful and a wise person would know your husband’s unhappiness in that marriage isn’t just because of the issue you tabled. You have come to the right place and you will get what you have come for. But soon your eyes will clear.
ReplyDeleteThe sister in-law you don't like is same one you want to report you and your husband's issues to? Like Stella said, you might actually be the problem.
ReplyDeleteIt seems both of you are in a competition not a marriage, please if you can stop engaging him in this flimsy fight, they are not worth your marriage.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, there so much competition here. The poster needs to calm down and sometimes let's things be.
DeleteJoin him in the children segment. Keep your mouth shut about dealings happening in your family. Men will always use it to abuse/insult their wives and disrespect her family.
ReplyDeleteYour man is rude but just agree with him and move on
ReplyDeleteStella is right
Poster you are very rude and authoritative, also a control freak. If he says u should stop talking about his family, then stop. You too, stop telling him about your own family. Just discuss about yourselves. If he says he wants to be staying in his car after children service, leave him alone. Which kain wahala be this.
ReplyDeleteOne of her mentors is on this blog and has already told her not to "gree" for any positive/good advice given by BVs, for her to respect and be submissive to her husband.
DeleteBetter stop controlling your husband if he wanted staying in his car that is his business ,the earlier women understands that men are not controllable especially the egoistic ones the better
ReplyDeleteBetter stop controlling your husband if he wanted staying in his car that is his business ,the earlier women understands that men are not controllable especially the egoistic ones the better
ReplyDeleteThanks all for your input, may God bless you all. Actually, I am not trouble some at all but I will take to your advice. I was actually joking when i said i'll report to his sisters, Why would I? They don't have regard for me.
ReplyDeleteI am the same woman that I said I earn 100k but save 50k in my chronicle to Stella last month, I think so. I will work on myself. Its not that I'm forcing my husband to adult church but when we close people will be asking after me when they see I and the children.
we learn everyday and no one is perfect. Thanks once again. I appreciate the scolding.
I knew you didn't mean it, I also think you want the best for your home, just stop telling him anything about your family and don't talk about his.
DeleteMy younger sis is a spirikoko and a children teacher, she hardly enters church, even in my church most of the children teacher hardly enter the big church.
DeleteI am sorry if I sound harsh, you have to learn to pick your battles wisely my dear, may God help you.
Please try and settle with your hubby, we have all offered our opinion but you live with him and this is your marriage.
Goodluck! hugs
Awww, don't forget to pray. I hope you have a better update for us very soon by God's grace.🙏🏾
DeleteI meant church members were asking after him not me and I can't say he's sitting in the car. I just said he's fine
DeleteMadam why are you treating your husband like a kid? What do you mean by you will report him to his siblings then you went on ranting about unrelated stuff...Your husband said he does not want to join the adult church, why not give it rest...Is he a kid or what....
ReplyDeleteSome of you bring up so much needless drama just to be right instead of how to think about peace...I am not interested about whether his family was ready or not to reach out to you because you come across as a very troublesome person...
Apologize to him and do better
Poster take things easy ok, I perfectly understand you, My sister is going through similar issues, as soon as her husband paid her bride price, He told her that, his sisters are more important to him than her, and a wife can leave at anytime, but his sisters would always stay.
ReplyDeleteHe worships the sisters, and they in turn control my sister, treat her like a slave, with no regard, currently her husband is keeping malice with her for no reason and she's 3months pregnant with her first child, She's back to our parents house and she's divorcing him as soon as she puts to bed. So calm down I understand, cause I have seen it first hand, Oh! How my sister loves that man, but she has to leave, if not they will kill her for us.
Your husband's family is wicked, they will never love and support you no matter what you do for them, Continue to stay on your lane and pray to God always to fight for you.
Imagine someone trying to force an adult to join adult church is talking about how she harbors deep hatred for same person. You that has been staying in adult church what changes has it wrought in you that you feel you have the right to force an adult to join you there.
ReplyDeleteYou are troublesome and disrespectful to your husband.
When he said he doesn’t want to join adult church you should have respected that and let him be after all heavenly race is a personal race. Instead pray for him for God to make him have a change of heart not nagging him and threatening to report him.
Poster how do you intend reporting your hubby to the same people you don't talk to again? It's not all about spending your whole day in church,if your hubby said he's okay with the children church alone let him be,how did your hubby got to know your brother sent 40k from uk?you told him maybe because you weren't happy he sent 40k so why complaining now? Marriage sweet but learn to keep your family Matters from your wife/hubby e get why
ReplyDeleteYour Husband is Man Child and you are Woman Child period! Very immature couple!
ReplyDeleteYou guys should take it easy on her. Naija high cost of things is enough to make someone's head explode.
ReplyDeleteMadam take things easy.
Your hubby will come down.
Mao Akuh
Person even think say she wanted to say the man was assaulting the children.
ReplyDeleteWomen should stop looking for or marrying men they are wiser than and or believe they can turn around like the Biblical King Ahab.
Marry your all round mate.
Or marry a man all round better than you. He would understand or you will give him small respect and think some of his acts of folly which do not affect you are acts of wisdom and let him be. In turn, he would be wise enough t treat you with respect.
But No. Woman must be in charge as was Eve in the Garden at Eden.
Oya na. Chronicles are always abounding its reading audience are ever-ready
I think this couple has no business been joined together in marriage. From the story up there understand and comprehesion is there challenge, follow by unnecessary competition and ego.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have any problems than the one you created for yourself, if your husband doesn't want to attend adult church, let him be, it's not by force, he's an adult, not a baby you can control, even if you need him to do something, it's just by persuading, not by controlling and to make the matter worse, you want to report him to his elder sisters that don't give a damn abuse you, stop nah.
ReplyDeleteIf your husband is the type that uses your family issues to insult you, stop telling him about your family.
People should know when to set boundary and also know when to interfere in personal issues.
ReplyDeleteGuess your siblings are all adults?? Do you live with your siblings??
How come your husband is bringing your family/siblings issues in your marriage that is causing problem??
You and your husband are not mentally mature. Both of you lack respect. You guys should set boundary to enjoy your home and have peace of mind. That doesn't mean that you should neglect your family members. Nothing beats peace of mind and a happy home.
Poster, you married a wicked man and his family are his enablers, imagine turning you into a maid, maka gini zi.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, you are stucked to a childish man, who uses your family issues to insult you, If 40k is too small for your mother, ask him to contribute and increase the money na.
Stop telling him about your family, keep your issues to yourself, and if he brings up his family matters to you, Do not castigate his sisters, cause whatever you say, is going back to the sisters ears, even with jare. You are not at fault, learn to give yourself peace of mind, you need it.
Another EJ mentee spotted.
DeletePoster , why making a mountain out of a mole? If he doesn't want to join the adult church why force him and threaten to report him to his siblings? He is an adult for crying out loud. The approach you used is not good enough. The same siblings that don't like you...Hmmm. It's better you stay your labe and settle your family issue between both of you. Stop telling him about your family and no put mouth for him family matter too, so there will be respect for both families. There seem not to be mutual respect between you , pray and also work on your attitude too. Don't let the devil use your home as a battlefield.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is certainly not for the faint-hearted, particularly when faced with blatant immaturity. It seems you are enduring a multitude of ‘situationships’ that encompass feelings of neglect, disrespect, and a lack of mutual understanding within your family dynamics. After a decade of marriage, such issues are quite disheartening. Your account indicates several underlying problems, including, but not limited to:
ReplyDeleteThere appears to be a considerable communication gap between you and your spouse, especially concerning his behaviour and your sentiments regarding his family’s treatment of you. This segues into the matter of family dynamics. Your rapport with your in-laws seems fraught, adversely affecting your marriage from another dimension. The absence of communication and recognition from his siblings, along with the expectations imposed on you during family gatherings, has seemingly led to feelings of resentment and a degrading lack of respect. This further unravels into the issue of value differences. The contrast in how you and your husband perceive family contributions and support is concerning. After ten years of marital ebbs and flows, you both should ideally be each other’s confidants, a testament to the depth of friendship and companionship you’ve cultivated.
His response to your brother’s financial gesture underscores a divergence in perspectives on what constitutes meaningful support. It is often said that the first decade of marriage is the most challenging, and in your case, you both seem to lack the necessary marital skills for conflict resolution. Your partnership’s approach to resolving disputes appears to be causing more division. The reference to ‘keeping malice’ indicates a tendency towards avoidance rather than confronting issues directly.
To address these challenges, it may be beneficial to consider strategies that could gradually alleviate these frictional hardships, starting with an open dialogue. Given your controlling inclination, you might initiate a serene and candid discussion with your spouse about your feelings and concerns. It’s imperative to articulate yourself lucidly without levelling accusations or drawing comparisons to his family. Moving forward, you both need to establish boundaries. Setting clear parameters regarding acceptable behaviour and treatment from both your husband and his family is essential. Maintaining respect for each other’s families while safeguarding your well-being is crucial.
Mutual understanding can only be achieved when you strive to comprehend your husband’s viewpoint and the motives behind his actions. Agreement is not obligatory, but understanding can facilitate compromise, which is currently lacking in all facets of your interactions. Habitually imposing your ways on one another should be avoided. The primary obstacle here is a lack of mutual respect and tolerance. In the process, remember that it’s vital to prioritise your husband’s emotional health just as you wish yours to be prioritised. It’s also crucial to tackle the situation with empathy and a readiness to find common ground. Avoid engaging in verbal and emotional abuse out of resentment, as it can escalate into physical altercations. May you both discover a harmonious resolution to this matter and relish your marital life.
It’s essential to rediscover the qualities that brought you together and work on nurturing your relationship. Communicate openly and seek common ground to find a peaceful resolution and enjoy your marriage.
Kilode????
DeleteThe man is already an "Nna anyi" before you married him and expects total respect 🙄
ReplyDeleteWell, it's not so difficult like some people are making it to be.
ReplyDeleteBefore he was posted to primary class, we always sit together in adult church.
We don't fight or argue like that, it's once in a while, very rare. I was just annoyed the day I posted the chronicle and i said some things out of anger.
I have also never ever reported anything that happens between us to his siblings, never will! I was only saying it but never meant it.
We have even made out since the incident. Laughed together and also apologize too.
We learn everyday and I'm still learning. No one is perfect. We have made mistakes at least once in our life time that we aren't proud of but the best thing is to learn from it and accept faults.
Thanks all, I have learnt one thing or the other.
Have a wonderful night rest!
If you like go and follow that bv in europe advice. But mind you both of you are in completely two different kinda marriages and in your own marriage, you are happy to be the woman as God created you to be.
DeleteAre you redeem members???
ReplyDeleteI take teenagers Sunday school at the adult churchin the morning, after which I go to the children class to teach 0-3,and 4-45 every Sunday, and I don't like attending the adult church unless there is a Thanksgiving and it is important for me to attend, because my place is at the children church and believe me you children church dey sweet, when almost every child want to repeat the same song for special number 🤣🤣🤣💃😂😂, wee wee, poo poo and reporting nkor😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 They miss me if am not around and I miss them more.
Maybe the class he teaches is not fun or the children doesn't respond well to him, I see no reason for him to leave after teaching and go to his car and just sit, when mummy G.O has told us to add other activities after teaching, in my parish we do dictation every Sunday, cos we discovered that some children can not even spell their names. The children church should add other activities to their Sunday program, maybe he will change.
Your issue is very trivial, but if not handled well, can escalate to a really big problem. If both of you are open to it, please seek counseling
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMy husband left me and my son and never came back until Dr Sunny intervened. My story is no different than others who have taken the time to share it with the world. I had marital problems with my husband due to which he left me and traveled to another city. At some point I was depressed and got help from nowhere until I came in contact with Dr.Sunny who helped me. restored the love and connection between me and my partner and after 48 hours I got him back as promised. Like everyone else who talks about him, I'm here to say good things about him and thank him for bringing joy back into my life. It will not fail if you try to help him as well. Just WhatsApp him: +2348082943805 or you can email him at: drsunnydsolution1@gmail.com
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