SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Dear Stella.I am a lady in my early 30s and have been trusting God for a life partner. I am a Christian with a strong values system against pre-marital s#x. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend who raped me because I was naive. Since then have been a celibate. I met a 36-year-old man online. He works in one of the big firms in Nigeria. We shared our belief system before heading for courtship. he said he couldn't marry a woman he had not tasted and that if I insisted on a no-s#x relationship, he wouldn't date me and I seriously wish to settle down. I don't want to increase my body count and some guys might sleep with a lady without getting married to her. I am being careful.
Although hey chats me up regularly I am getting fed up that our stance on this issue is not similar.
He is educated but our belief system on pre-marital s#x does not match. He said bcus have tasted it once then I can't deprive him of it. What do I do?
Should I compromise my standards so that I can marry himy or I should keep trusting God?
He is educated but our belief system on pre-marital s#x does not match. He said bcus have tasted it once then I can't deprive him of it. What do I do?
Should I compromise my standards so that I can marry himy or I should keep trusting God?
What kind of mentality is this? Please keep trusting God, you never see husband.....You also need to know that you are too desparate and will only attract someone who will make you keep sending in Chronicles...
Tell him you guys should stop talking for now
ReplyDeleteIf either of you changes his or her mind and wishes to agre to go follow the path of the other then that person should call
Poster please I beg of you, never give in to his mind. He ghost you immediately he has his way.
DeleteIf he is for you he will give in to your decision.
You still have time as Stella said.
Please stop talking to each other
Poster please I beg of you, never give in to his mind. He ghost you immediately he has his way.
DeleteIf he is for you he will give in to your decision.
You still have time as Stella said.
Please stop talking to each other
From a guy perspective, if you like take it, if you like don't take it, I will not also take a non virgin no sex before marriage story seriously, because 99% of girls first sex is rape, the highest body count they have is usually 3 when we all know majority of you are running into thousands when it comes to number of guys you have slept with. If you then decided to be celibate with this bull crap storyline all of you pushed out every day it's only a simp that take it. The guy is not forcing his decision on you, the fact that he decided not to be celibate with you doesn't make him a bad person. You too don't force a decision you decided to make independently when he his is not there on him. If you can't cope with having sex before marriage, then leave the guy, just as he has made it clear that you people can't date without sex. Simple...
DeleteBlock him, hold GOD and br single in peace without desperation till GOD gives you a good man
DeleteIf you wanna have xes, do it cos you want to, and not because he wants it. If not, he will ghost you once he has had a taste.
ReplyDeleteShe shouldnt even try to do it because the consequences are too numerous, from good church girl she could end up as a single mum if she is not careful, you better calm down, join a group in a church orthodox preferable, with time a decent man that wants things done the right way will approach you, better dont end up an unmarried lady with STD or child out of wedlock, devil always wants to destroy good people só be careful and stand your ground.
Delete💯
DeleteDear Poster, take advice at your own detriment. I am a guy, it's normal to have sex before marriage. I understand you and your beliefs, but trust me, 95% men believe in sex before marriage. He gets why. Most of those here advising you not to allow him had sex before marriage with their respective husbands or boyfriends. 98% will have sex before marriage, mind the type of advice these people will give you oh... Most of them are hypocrites.
Delete"It's normal to have sex before marriage."
Delete"95% men believe in sex before marriage..."
"98% will have sex before marriage..."
I hope men and women who strongly feel this way - when they eventually become fathers and mothers, tell their daughters the "bitter truth" rather than fooling them to keep themselves chaste till marriage for God knows who. Because it will be a sheer disservice for their daughters to come of marriageable age and be left to face the sudden shock and hard realization that they are on their own when it comes to having godly principles that only God is hyping them for.
Poster: We live in an ungodly time, and this is the way of the world. Sadly, it may only get worse, and there is nothing you can do about it!
Signs of end times: people will be lovers of themselves, lacking self-control, having a form of godliness, denying the power thereof, etc.
A lot of people hardly care to obey God, but when they need help or have challenges, they run to him. There is a parasitic relationship going on. God is a crutch for most. They do not rate his words.
very religious but hardly spiritual.
You are not alone. Even men are not left out. If you say you are waiting, the next thing you will be called is gay, or be told by the females, they want to taste to test performance.
If you really want to be for God, then you have to be content even in your singleness, whether you EVENTUALLY get married or not. It is only when you stop worrying and caring and have surrendered yourself to God in your entirety that he gives you the desires of your heart.
Words on Marble.
Words on marble it’s just a lie
DeleteMany guys are celibate
Even big time nfl player Russell was openly celibate
You better be careful of online dating, most guys online aren't serious, most are married or in a serious relationship pretending to be single.
ReplyDeleteThis one isn't serious and I doubt if he will be, he just wants to taste and go, anyways if you can risk it, no p.
Exactly!
DeleteAlso, was there any need to tell him your body count? Someone whom you are not sure of . Even some one you are sure of, you are not supposed to reveal such details. That's your past and it's none of his business. Christianity does mean you should reveal unnecessary details about yourself. Besides once you are born again you are a new being.
DeleteBut let me telll you something else
ReplyDeletePeople don’t always say what they’re thinking
There’s a reason he’s continuing to talk to someone that has told him no premarital sec. He might think you’ll agree in the end or he might be seeing someone else and getting sec there so your no sec stand is not spoiling anything for him
Do not cause confusion in her. The only reason he is sticking around is because men love a challenge, to be the one to breach her defences is reason enough for him to stick around. I am appalled that she is even confused about this, I get her desperately wanting someone but they haven’t known each other that long and they are seeing each other remotely, she doesn’t even know if he is a ritualist but she is out here considering breaking her vows for this fool. Mtsscchhwww
Delete16:07 you don’t know why he’s sticking around
Delete16:07 you are so on point
DeleteStella,you don finish talk nothing to add
ReplyDeleteThis is a red flag.Don,t sleep him o.There is no guarantee that he will marry after sleeping with you.
ReplyDeleteMake una just they decide unaself.
ReplyDeleteUna no get common grounds..sister forget marriage oh.e hard na ononlGod.juat move on with your life and make money that's what you all always brag about.l4ave marriage.perhaps while focusing on other things it will come.
Let me read comments, I'm in a similar situation.
ReplyDeleteDon't give in , walk away and block them
DeleteDon't cast your pearls ( money, valuable time, attention, body to swine
You never see husband , leave these vulture men alone
DON'T BE UNEQUALLY YOKED
Don't give in , walk away and block them
DeleteDon't cast your pearls ( money, valuable time, attention, body to swine
You never see husband , leave these vulture men alone
DON'T BE UNEQUALLY YOKED
A man that sincerely loves you for who you are;would believe in your positive core values,and would do everything within his capacity to rush and marry you,so he can have a full taste and be able to call you "his".
ReplyDeleteIf he isn't thrilled by wanting to spend forever with you,and still insisting on tasting you before marriage;then he isn't serious,because only goods or services comes with "Terms and Condition".
You are not Garri or a commodity that can be tasted by any and every customer before purchase;hold your value on a high level;when you meet your husband,everything will be so fast that you would think he is rushing you.
Wishing you all the best;and please never compromise your values for men/women promises.
@MARTINS
Every lady should heed BV Martins advice please.
DeleteSome evil men stampede women into marriage to cover dark secrets
DeleteFast, pray ask Holy Spirit for direction
Please don't bend over neither should you meet him halfway.
ReplyDeletePoster, if he's your husband, he won't pressure you on having sex before marriage, instead, he'll insist on marriage and then love making. He's already blackmailing you by saying you've done it before yenyenyen. He's not a good soul. Do not fall for this tester, you'll regret it. He just want to sample your kpekus. Stand your ground else, he'll chop your pwrikom, clean mouth and continue his online runs.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't want to marry you, he just wants to have his own share of your cookies.
ReplyDeleteR
I
N!!!
Unless you want him too, if you know what I mean.😎😎
This is the issue that arises with telling only ladies to wait till marriage while you don't advise your son, the same. I said it on Thursday. They would hardly meet like-minded men to marry or men who will wait with them since they have a smaller dating pool to pick from because the scale is skewed and there is an imbalance.
ReplyDeleteNow, the issue with you ladies who wait, is you are always fixated on finding men who will agree to wait with you like a man who agrees to wait is doing you a favour. You hardly care if he doesn't believe in the same thing or share similar values and this makes me sceptical about the real reason why most of you decide to wait.
The fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with fornication should be a red flag for someone like you. That alone is enough for you to avoid him or you think a man who will let you compromise your godly morals (that is, if God is your main reason for refraining from sexual immorality) is a man God will want for you as a husband. God should be placed above all things. If anything will stand as a stumbling block between you and him, that thing has to go. Even if it is a marriage proposal! If the only way for you to settle down and be a wife is through sexual immorality — an act of disobedience to God despite keeping your body — his temple holy through all the years, God will rather keep you single till you prioritize his place in your life.
It would have been a different case if you were someone who saw nothing wrong with fornicating. But in this situation, you have been keeping yourself religiously as God's temple and the instant you smelt marriage you got ready to throw all that away for marriage?
You have an Idol in your hands.
This marriage thing is an idol because you are considering compromising your obedience to God at the promise of being a wife. God is not pleased, and you are on your own on this one.
Are you not bothered that he is okay with fornication and doesn't have the same moral standards as you? Shouldn't that alone put you off? I am not surprised anymore, some of you virgins only have standards for yourselves and none for the man you plan to marry. A man telling you that the fact you did it once automatically negates your reason to wait is a man you are still giving an audience.
Let him go, even if he agrees and he comes back, do not accept him. His type will wait for you till marriage, but not with you.
Wait on God. Nothing good comes out of desperation.
Words on Marble.
Good to have you back . Don't be a stranger.
Delete💙💙💙
DeleteHope you are doing well, beloved Noir.
Kindly take care of your lovely self.
Words on Marble.
You have said it all..
DeleteMore people need to answer the why' question when it comes to issues like this.
Why are you keeping yourself?
Why are you contemplating breaking your vow?
Because at the end of the day they would live with the consequences of their decision.
Beautiful response
DeleteWords on Marble
Beautiful response
DeleteWords on Marble
Na d "he work in a big firm be d issue"?
ReplyDeleteHe come be Nigerian man wey una talk say ....
Always a wonder reading chronicles like this from Nigerian women about Nigerian men when it has been made to appear generally that a Nigerian woman does her nation's men a very big favour by marrying them.
Seriously, if a man does not respect your Bible based (assuming it is so based) stand now he is presumably questing for you. Do you think or expect he would respect your views so much in marriage?
He come be man online. A man working in a good company in Nigeria always have access aplenty to women offline unless something is amiss.
You guess right. A man wrote this.
Remember that everything else would pass away except God. He is d only constant. So
ReplyDeleteAny man who will deliberately work to dismantle your belief system is one that you should run away from. If he loved and respected you he would not desire to do anything to dismantle you or cause you distress. He laughed at your rape story and made it as though you willingly gave yourself, play over his exact words. Who jokes about rape? No decent person, that’s who.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I fear your deep desire for settlement is clouding your senses at the glaring flaws and callousness in this person. Cut off all communication and be strengthened and redeemed by the course you have set for yourself.
A BV posted in the Saturday breakfast or Amebo post that they were doing month long fast for singles at their church maybe you should join the fast too and do it remotely. May you be connected with a man who builds you up and not tear you down. One whose values are aligned with yours, and one who takes you seriously and who protect you from the pain of this world. Value yourself enough to belief such a man exists and do not feel that you have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to pull up any dregs just to say you have someone. You didn’t save yourself all these you any filthy thing. You saved yourself for a beautiful and glorious connection.
Years for*
DeleteDon't give in. Let him go if he wants to. A guy I loved so much who also claimed to love me disvirgined me years back and that was the end of the relationship. He waited for 5 years o before we gbenshed. Don't! I'm shouting here. You will regret it. God will settle you, just keep being you.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't value you. If he does, he will do the needful.
ReplyDeleteWhy puncture an envelop to peep it content when you'll still open it later on?
Pls don't agree to that. Let him go.
© TEEJAY
"He said because I have tasted it once, that I can't deprive him of it". Poster you see this statement that man made ehn, it's enough to tell you the man isn't for you at all.
ReplyDeleteThat man is not your husband.
If you give in to his demands, he would LEAVE YOU after the sex. You want to take a bet?
I sighted that too. And if he doesn’t leave her and sticks around she will have to keep compromising her values to keep him. Because getting him will be the easy part, keeping him is where the real work starts.
DeleteThis poster. You are still learning work. You never see something. I pity you o.
ReplyDeleteWell, we always learn from our mistakes. Don't let desperation to destroy your life. You don't know the real identity of this guy. This kind of compromise is the type that will make God to give way so that the devil will take over and ruin the person's life so that the person will learn the hard way. Other people are doing it and nothing bad has happened to them but the day a genuine and devout christian tries it, it always ends in regrets. Except you are those type of pretenders who do all the sexual pleasures without penetration. You cannot know better than God and you can't be smarter than him. You don't even know the type of man you will meet in the nearest future. You think you have seen the best of husband material in him, you will be surprised that you will still find other better men with time. You don't even know the kind of infection he has. Many people are moving around with infections that you may not be able to dictate except you go for medical screening. If you like don't use protection if peradventure you latter ended up giving in. Don't use protection so that he will not call you olosho you hear? In the end you will keep going from Pilar to post looking for how to treat infectious diseases that you got because you wanted to please man.
So you think after having sex with you, he will marry?
ReplyDeleteYou never see husband, this one want to chop and clean mouth.
Continue to keep trusting God 🙏
He's not a serious person ooo
ReplyDeleteOnce he taste he go Japa ooo
Do mind him jareeee
Hello iya boys
I hate embargo sha. In 1 cor 7:36. It's there.
ReplyDeleteI know I am going to get bashed for this but I think the poster lied about getting raped.
ReplyDeleteIf a lady tells the man she is dating that even though she has had intercourse in the past, she wants to abstain until she gets married, the man might feel offended and be like, "After letting other men have their way with you, it's me you want to keep waiting until after wedding."
Don't tell a man to wait until after wedding for sex after you have been promiscuous. It's disrespectful! My fiancee and I broke up after I met one of her body counts. "So you let this cannabis-smoking, pant-sagging,red-eyed fool have sex with you on multiple occasions, but you are depriving me of it until after wedding." I yelled at her angrily.
I was livid. Even when she agreed to have sex, I wasn't having it.
After sleeping with multiple men and doing hookup, una go find one innocent guy dey give terms and conditions.
Poster, open your legs wide and give it to him. And gents, know that most ladies now claim that the only time they had sex was as a result of rape. A number of ladies have told me this. Ask them if they reported the rapists and their response is invariably "NO".
So you mean someone who was once a prostitute cannot repent and decide to respect God this time by keeping the vow? So there is no room for repentance after previous dirty life style? They have no right to keep themselves holy by honouring God with their body just because they were once prostitutes?
DeleteSo what evidence do you have to prove that poster lied about getting raped, bcoz your ex lied means poster lied too
DeleteWow.
Change your mindset and stop projecting your insecurities on someone else
That’s why when I read about men raping another men or when the group of men who were running wild in their crew raping men I didn’t say too much. Until some men are raped themselves they will always think all women are lying. Most men who are raped by other men also do not report it to the police.
DeleteLet me you the exact words you used on SMH the other day, you are a terrible person. And that’s on periodt! How dare you say she lied about being raped?? Were you there? Are you even human? I just pray you are not a rapist urself, if not what is this?
DeleteYour points are valid. But I don't think it is right for you to think this poster is a liar. Do you know her? Even if you do, can you prove she lied?? It is understandable if you don't believe her but then, this poster is not your ex?
DeleteBe conscious of how you judge others based on your experiences or standards. You could have made your point without degrading the poster's story/experience. Please, learn to respect others' sensitivity.
And if truly, you said those words to your ex. Then, you probably deserve your ex and your ex deserves you too. You're both horrible. Hian!!!😏
@Binam...
DeleteI don't know whether you're a new BV or an old one, but I just started noticing this username, recently.
From my observations, you have yet to type one sensible comment!!
Let me offer you a piece of advice. Quit, whilst you're at it! Stop writing!!
@17:44 ... 😘🤗
Let them be deceiving themselves.
DeleteNa mostly old corns dey play that celibacy card to bag marriage, after them don nack up and down finish,. After all, like them talk, kpekus no get meter..
I'll take it as a big insult if anyone who has been sexually active tell me that rubbish..
Forget that rape story, I won't believe it but might not say anything.. no be the same people wey dey tell us say we be number 2..
This is me,. There are others not like me, after all Ezege wouldn't mind, judging from his comment..
Please leave my comment alone and move to the guys that won't mind, you're definitely not my kind and I am not yours🙏
You know what's up, King Dante.
DeleteAfter leading promiscous lives, they'll start giving innocent guys terms and conditions. If my girl isn't a virgin, there is no way I am waiting until after wedding to have sex. And if she lies that she is a virgin and I discover that she isn't, that's the end of the marriage.
Dante , binam be silent on people who decide to follow GOD . It is obviously outside your sphere of understanding
DeleteHow many upcoming male artistes did our disgraced pop king/mogul r*pe? How many reported or exposed it until others came forth with the stories? I wonder why guys always think r*pe is funny or the person is pretending, may it not reach their doorstep before they understand the trauma/agony.
DeletePoster, if he doesn't believe in no sex before marriage, let him go, he's entitled to his beliefs and you are entitled to yours, exercise the faith you have in this matter and let God settle you in due time.
Dear poster, you never see husband
ReplyDeleteDon't mind that guy, he doesn't have any long term goals for you. He just wants to have a taste of you that's all
ReplyDeleteThis is a red flag
ReplyDeleteHe want to chop and clean
May God grant you a good spouse that will love and cherish you.
Keep praying and trust God
It’s funny how 30+ fellow women are ready to accept anything to get married and there is me with men who will do anything including no sex still being picky.
ReplyDeleteYounger women do anything too Let’s be honest
DeleteSeriously o
DeletePoster represent you belief.
ReplyDeleteDon't compromise OK, forget the pressure.
Take it to God in prayer, if he is the right one God will perfect it
This topic is a two edged sword. You can taste and it’ll be the end of the relationship but you can also taste and it will be the beginning of something beautiful. What do you do when you taste and you feel his d**k is not filling enough or he feels your puna is too wide ?
ReplyDeleteHis next condition foe dating you would be that you must get pregnant first and because you ‘really want to settle down’ you would go ahead and do it. In whatever you fear God for He is fully aware of what you do.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteDon’t fault a man if he wants his woman yo get pregnant first the same way you guys don’t fault a woman when she refuses to be with a man that has prospects but no money. allow people to be comfortable with their preference but say no if it doesn’t align with yours. You can disagree but don’t call someone’s preferences wrong.
DeleteTell him to come and see your parents
ReplyDeleteNo need to have or not have sex till you know if he’s serious about you
You might be so focused on this sex issue that you’re missing whether or not he’s serious sef
He can see her parents and collect list and this is action will make her think that since he has collected the list, he is definitely going to marry her; then he will proceed to have sex with her and even get her pregnant, by then he won't even bother going back to pay the bride price and he may not even keep her in his house. In the end he will position her as an ordinary baby mama.
DeleteIf we start sharing stories of the things we've witnessed and experienced in the hands of men eh.
I've heard of someone who saw parents, did traditional marriage and later abandoned the lady after having s*x with her.
DeletePoster be patient, wait on God and he'll give you your own husband because this man you're dating isn't your husband.
You should stand by your values.
ReplyDeleteYou know the right thing already its not something to be asking us again.
Can two walk together except they agree? Is the man even a christian or you want to package him as one, you both have different belief, it is better you let go of him.
ReplyDeleteI think he sense your desperation that's why he's keeping in touch to have a share of you. This type of men will cheat effortlessly in marriage, there is no point keeping someone who has no control over his body.
Felicity
Am really happy on SDK today because with these contributions ,many agreed that premarital sex is dangerous and wrong ,and morally we need to say no and wait for true love
ReplyDeleteMy take. If it's not from your mind to do it, don't. You would definitely regret it .yes. people's values have changed a lot in this generation. But there are still people out there that share the same values as you..the right person will come..all the best
ReplyDeleteMadam poster ,he knows you are desperate for husband that why he's insisting in having sex with you
ReplyDeleteStill maintain your stand with God on no sex before marriage and you see him come through for you. Peace
Dear poster stand firm on your belief e get why. This wan nor be husband
ReplyDeletePoster he is a user and doesn't love
ReplyDeleteHe is thrash
Relax if you trust GOD ,HE will come through
Poster, you have to understand that you are following God’s principle, not even yours or anybody for that matter. So stand on the word of God only.
ReplyDeleteI’m 37 and have kept myself till now, Met someone late last year and told him my stance on pre-marital sex, he agreed (if he did not, I would have walked away). Thankfully, we have a mutual friend who told him how decent I am and how I am a church girl and highly disciplined so there was no room for him to doubt if I was pretending or not. We are now planning our wedding.
If this man fears God, he’ll wait,pls don’t be desperate. Keep doing your work, trust God and he’ll do it and give you the best.
P:S: All of you saying, you must taste your spouse, how many people are you going to have sex with before you make a decision? Very funny world we live in now with no respect for values.