STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DIFFICULT DECISION
I have been married for many years but we have just one child, a boy and he is disturbing us for a sister.
Unfortunately i have not been able to conceive and i dont think that journey will be possible anymore because i cannot have another child.
My husband is suggesting that we adopt from Nigeria so that our son can have a sibling but i am scared and have doubts...
What if our son falls in love wth the adopted sister and they decide to become a couple? Since they do not share blood ties, there is nothing we would do about it and there would be nothing wrong..
We dont want to adopt a boy but if we do, what are the chances that they would both grow up taking each other as real brothers? What of jealousy if the adopted son grows up to find out he is adopted? i am so confused and This is all so crazy.
Has anyone on this platform or reading adopted before and it backfired? I know for a fact that there comes a lot of problems with adopting but people are not talking and i wanna know what i am signing up for...
I have been married for many years but we have just one child, a boy and he is disturbing us for a sister.
Unfortunately i have not been able to conceive and i dont think that journey will be possible anymore because i cannot have another child.
My husband is suggesting that we adopt from Nigeria so that our son can have a sibling but i am scared and have doubts...
What if our son falls in love wth the adopted sister and they decide to become a couple? Since they do not share blood ties, there is nothing we would do about it and there would be nothing wrong..
We dont want to adopt a boy but if we do, what are the chances that they would both grow up taking each other as real brothers? What of jealousy if the adopted son grows up to find out he is adopted? i am so confused and This is all so crazy.
Has anyone on this platform or reading adopted before and it backfired? I know for a fact that there comes a lot of problems with adopting but people are not talking and i wanna know what i am signing up for...
Hmmmm this is serious but your fears are valid cos we have heard stories over the years.....
Your hubbys sp#rm can be inserted into a surrogate to make you both a baby that will have blood ties with the one you presently have..I remember that Whitneys late daughter dated her adopted brother who is also late now.....Thats heartbreaking.....Your fears are very valid
Talk to the boy, he should understand now. In those days some parents had only one child and the child accepted his fate. I don't know why that can't happen this days. Why should a child be putting pressure on his or her parents for a sibling; I don't understand again
ReplyDelete👌
DeleteTalk to the boy, he should understand now. In those days some parents had only one child and the child accepted his fate. I don't know why that can't happen this days. Why should a child be putting pressure on his or her parents for a sibling; I don't understand again
ReplyDeleteVery difficult situation.🤔
ReplyDeleteHow old is your son? Can you talk to him about it, and he'll understand??? I understand your fears about adoption, but the fact there are bad stories concerning that doesn't mean there are no good ones. I think you should try surrogacy, that might work for you. All the best.
ReplyDeleteDon't try that adoption again your mind has corrupted it!
DeleteLike what is this must we be negative minded?
This has never crossed my mind!
Listen up! Whatever happens in this life is never it's first or last time so please never be anxious for nothing in this life pls
The future is full of unknown possibilities no matter how hard we try, shit may still happen. The goal is to give it a go anyway and hope for the best. Have you not heard of even siblings having incestuous relationships despite blood relations? Go on and adopt and instill godly values in your children and stop allowing negative probabilities stop you from doing what's best for your family.
DeleteEverybody has one or two things they wish they had or their parents had done for them while growing and it is fine because one of the beauty of life is that, we all look forward to make up for it, and we eventually find our way around it ourselves, when we are finally mature to handle the rein.
ReplyDeleteHe may not have siblings right now but when he finally decides to get married, he can excitedly look forward to having a football team with his wife and foster sibling love and unity among his kids.
Hopefully, in the future, he meets a worthy woman, he can take her as his sister and best-friend and in that way you automatically gain another child- a daughter.
Do not stress yourself trying to get him siblings, please. Except,on your own, you are open to adoption and earnestly desire it. Else, kindly embrace your cozy family.
Yeah. I am an only son... but I have 6 kids and expecting. Wanted to stop at 5, but wife said she wants a large family, so I'm game. Maybe we'd stop when she says so.
DeleteLol my friend has 4 and the lady wants a sister
ReplyDeleteYou don’t have to listen to the child pls
If you are okay with this one then pls leave it at that and enjoy your life
Kids grow up and even ask why you listened to them on some things
Not lady last*
DeleteYou can use a surrogate,your husband's sperm and donor eggs,that way everyone is happy,just tell your child you're expecting another baby through surrogacy.
ReplyDeleteWith the fears you stated above, please just do surrogacy. Like Stella said, the baby will have blood ties with your hubby.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you think that it is not possible for you to have babies anymore?? Have you tried or you are being panic?? How old are you??? Do you want to adopt because your son said that he needs a sister or that's your decision??? It depends on how you raise your kids.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't tell us your son's age. This one he is asking for a sister.
ReplyDeleteYou can try surrogacy or adoption . If you raise them both in love and as siblings I don't think they will fall in love later in life or fall out as siblings due to jealousy.
Unless,you want to sit your son down and begin to tell him that his sibling was adopted or you want to begin to tell family and friends Ugandan that your 2nd child was adopted.
Nobody should know just you and your husband .
The way you treat the child matters as well,if you don't treat your son better than the child or give him more preferences than the other child nobody will know.
Please,let no fear hold you back ,do what you need to do to get started now so that they can.both grow together as siblings .
If anybody ask you how many kids you have ,reply them 2 kids .no need for any shalaye.
💯👍🏼
DeleteNollywood don spoil a lot of people psyche reason why I and my kids don’t watch it.
ReplyDeleteI am wearing the same shoe poster. My son be crying for a sibling (I mean seriously shedding tears physically). It breaks my heart to see him like that.
ReplyDeleteI know what he is missing because I grew up with plenty siblings. I really really really wish to give my precious boy siblings. If I could afford assisted methods I would have done them since. I really want to have more children.
The situation breaks my heart really.
I understand your concerns and fears about adoption. It's natural to have doubts and uncertainties. Addressing your concerns:
ReplyDelete1. _Romantic relationship between adopted siblings_: While it's unlikely, it's not impossible. However, research suggests that adopted siblings are no more likely to develop romantic feelings than non-related individuals.
2. _Brotherly bond_: With love, care, and equal treatment, adopted siblings can develop a strong, lifelong bond, just like biological siblings.
3. _Jealousy and adoption disclosure_: It's essential to be open and honest with your adopted child about their adoption. Research shows that secrecy can lead to more significant emotional difficulties than openness.
4. _Challenges in adoption_: Yes, adoption can come with unique challenges, such as adjusting to a new family dynamic, potential emotional struggles, and navigating cultural and racial differences (if applicable).
To alleviate your concerns, consider the following:
- Seek professional counseling to discuss your fears and prepare your family for adoption.
- Research and understand the adoption process, laws, and regulations in Nigeria.
- Connect with adoptive families and support groups to share experiences and gain insights.
- Consider open adoption, which allows for ongoing communication and relationships with the birth family.
- Focus on providing a loving, stable, and supportive environment for all your children.
Remember, adoption is a beautiful way to build a family, and with love, care, and support, your family can thrive. Take your time, gather information, and make an informed decision that's right for you and your family.
It's obvious that a lot of you suggesting, surrogacy, don't realise that it's not an easy process abroad. In Nigeria, any and everything goes... but that isn't the case elsewhere!
ReplyDeleteA lot of Western countries do not allow any of the various forms of surrogacy. The ones that do allow it, make the process tedious, so that the birth mother is not being taken advantage off.
The BV will also have to formally adopt the baby, as the birth mother's name is the one that will initially go on the birth certificate. A birth mother can also legally fight you for the baby, down the line.
Do you live in a country where surrogacy is prohibited? Do you have the finances to support the birth mother throughout her pregnancy? Can you afford the agency that sets things up?
Don’t your son have cousins he can form close bonds with? Get him a dog and call it a day if you can’t make up your mind.
ReplyDeleteNow, to you actual situation...
ReplyDeleteAdoption, like everything else in life is a gamble. Do you want another child simply because your son has been asking for a sibling, or do you genuinely want to raise and nurture another human, who desperately needs a loving home?
If it's the former, then forget about it. If it's the latter, then go ahead with an open heart and mind!
Ma'm pls stop the negative thinking ejoor, hope u know siblings commit incest too, your mind is really playing a rat race with you.
ReplyDeleteYou are coming up with so much excuse and it's not healthy for you
Have a positive mindset about any decision you take in life.
With this mentality, I guess you will still come up with an excuse that your husband will fall in love with the surrogate and kick u out.
Take a deep breath and reason with your husband and lovely son on what is best for you guys, and don't forget to commit the decision into God's hands.
You don't always have to project so much negativity of things you wish to do before you get it done, keep your hope alive and stay positive.
I've been through a lot but I'm still being strong and positive, it's not easy but we keep pushing.
I will advice you to go and make friends with someone in your kinda situation (sorry I hate using this word but I cannot find a better option) their advice and experience will help you to be stronger.
And pls never stop praying and believing God
If you don't have the heart to do it then don't go for it... sometimes our fears happens to us and eventually hurt us in the future... Think about it.
ReplyDeleteUse a surrogate that lives here in Nigeria using you and your husband's sperm and your eggs
ReplyDeleteDon't even bother, your mindset will spoil everything.
ReplyDeleteAdoption is a significant and deeply personal decision, involving many considerations and emotions that need to be understood. That’s why your fear and worry are valid, because it’s natural to have such emotional considerations about whether your biological son and an adopted child will form a sibling bond. Many families successfully create strong, loving relationships between biological and adopted children. The success of this bond often depends on how the parents handle the integration, fostering an environment of love, acceptance, and openness.
ReplyDeleteAs for feelings of jealousy or identity issues that may arise, they can be managed with open communication and supportive parenting. Your parenting style needs to be effective. It’s essential to ensure that the adopted child feels equally loved and valued as your biological son. Discussing adoption openly and positively with your son can help limit or nip potential issues in the bud. While it’s less common for adopted siblings to develop romantic feelings for each other, it does happen, so it’s understandable to worry. Educating your children about family boundaries, like we often teach them with their cousins, nieces, and nephews, and fostering sibling relationships based on mutual respect and love can be of great help.
Depending on the chosen age of the child you and your husband want to adopt, understanding the cultural background of the child, especially the care community they were raised in, and being prepared to incorporate and respect it within your family will also be important for both parties. You could also learn by seeking out stories and experiences from those who have adopted, as many families share their journeys online. If you can find such groups peculiar to our kind of adoption, from the process to the experience, this can provide valuable insights and advice to help you understand the challenges and rewards, assisting in addressing any emotional or psychological concerns for all family members, including your biological son, and provide a more balanced perspective on what to expect.
As a family unit, you should reflect on your motivations for adopting and whether your family is ready for this commitment. Adoption should be approached with a mindset of providing love and a stable home to a child in need, rather than solely fulfilling a desire for another child. I will implore you to have open and honest discussions with your husband and son all over again, and consider seeking professional guidance to navigate your concerns and fears if need be.
It is worthy of note that adopting a child is a life-changing decision that can bring immense joy and fulfillment, but it’s essential to go into it with a clear understanding of the responsibilities and potential challenges. By educating yourself, seeking support, and reflecting deeply on your family’s readiness, you can make a well-informed decision that is best for everyone involved. I pray God gives you and your family the clarity that you seek.
My prof
DeleteCOPIED
DeleteJORO TO JORO...
Your mindset is too NEGATIVE. Don't bother with adoption.. Some people are not suitable candidates to have adopted children, you appear to be one of them.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the problem will be your son, I think you will be the problem.
You do not have faith in your nurturing and in your son's inherent good nature.
Please don't adopt.
I can never advise any body that has a child to adopt. My parents adopted a baby boy some seventeen years ago. My family is a very quiet one and nobody hears our voice in the community but this boy turned out to be a big thief that brought so much shame to us. He started stealing from age two. We don’t even know what to do about him, please manage your child and enjoy your shalom
ReplyDeleteSurrogate would have been better ooo
ReplyDeleteSeems you say you can't have another..
But you can never say never oo
God actyworks in miraculous way..
It is well🙏🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
Just go for surrogates that's the best
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella just wrote what exactly was in my mind. Surrogacy is the best way out
ReplyDeleteLike you, I have one son and when my son was younger he wished for sibling. How we tackled that due to his young age was by explaining that God gives children and we were trying and hoping, but he should understand that sometimes, some things don't happen for a reason. We didn't promise anything. I thought about adoption but my husband wasn't on board. He was happy with the one after several years of fertility treatment and loss of pregnancies. My son is 17 now. He got over it and so did I after I clocked 42 😄. If it is meant to be, it will happen, otherwise thank God for the one you have and focus on enjoying your life with your only child. He will be fine.
ReplyDeletePumpkin