She wrote;"My boyfriend of more than a year requested to see my parents. He met them two weeks ago and after that, things changed between us. His calls reduced and he hardly respond to my messages. I tried asking him why but he didn't say anything.
He didn't reply nor returned my call for four days. On fifth day, I called him 3 times and he didn't pick up. 30 minutes after my calls, he sent me a message that he can't continue with the relationship, that he saw poverty in my family.
He added that we don't have a good chair for visitors to sit on, we drink tap water, our ceiling is already damaged and he was lucky it didn't fall on him and that he can't get into a family that will depend on him for financial help. Since after reading his message. .
I got so broken and my spirit have been down since. I responded to him with a voice message, that I never hid my family's financial status from him. He said he didn't know it's that bad. I've never felt so sad in my life.
My father used his farming business to see me through university and I just finished my youth service. I need advice on how to stop feeling depressed and move on with my life. He blocked me on all his social media handles and blocked my number."
He didn't reply nor returned my call for four days. On fifth day, I called him 3 times and he didn't pick up. 30 minutes after my calls, he sent me a message that he can't continue with the relationship, that he saw poverty in my family.
He added that we don't have a good chair for visitors to sit on, we drink tap water, our ceiling is already damaged and he was lucky it didn't fall on him and that he can't get into a family that will depend on him for financial help. Since after reading his message. .
I got so broken and my spirit have been down since. I responded to him with a voice message, that I never hid my family's financial status from him. He said he didn't know it's that bad. I've never felt so sad in my life.
My father used his farming business to see me through university and I just finished my youth service. I need advice on how to stop feeling depressed and move on with my life. He blocked me on all his social media handles and blocked my number."
Na wah! Good riddance to bad rubbish. Just move on, it is a clear sign that he is not for you..
ReplyDeleteOburokwa obere good riddance!!
DeleteBut you should be relieved that he revealed his true self. You've successfully evaded a potentially toxic relationship.
I ran into one of my mutual friends back then in school one day and asked of his girlfriend who was my not-so-close friend then and he said that they broke up
His reason was almost same as this.
He said that he discovered that she is from a poorest of home and is the first daughter and only graduate. That he is not ready to die young in the name of marriage.... BLA BLA
He was even smiling while vomiting the rubbish.
I couldn't even bring myself to talk. I just got up and left.
I later chatted the girl up to ask how she was doing. Our chat was flowing well, then I asked about her then boyfriend (the one I had met earlier) and she said that the guy broke up with her for reasons best known to him.
DeleteShe said that all her efforts to know her offense was futile.
He was just giving her cold treatment until she got tired of forcing herself on him and borrow herself brains. Only if she knew.(I didn't tell her though)
Many guys will do what this young man did. The only difference is that they won't come open and tell you their reasons.
If man leave woman with poor family na good riddance but if a woman leaves a poor man you people will sing her praises. Men are wiser now, say no poor women fron poor families. As a woman, will you allow your brother marry a woman that will turn her family responsibilities to his?
Delete@18:26
DeleteWell said.
If Soso talk to leave broke men, dem go laff and shout loud it.😄
Cry if you wanna cry, but remember God is near. Ask for strength to move.
DeleteDon't let that define you, get a job, help your parents, make some repairs if you get money before marriage.
May God.grant you a good job, amen.
If her parents are so poor, she should focus on making money and elevating her parent's standard of living before getting married. Even if the man married her, he may treat her anyhow because he would believe that she has no better place to go or her parents can't survive without his assistance.
DeleteWomen have been advised time and time again to make their own money. It's important.
😭😭😭
ReplyDeleteIs it not the same thing we encourage our girls here to do? Don't not enter a relationship when you're poor.
DeleteRelationships are based on financial incentives these days. Both gender are now aware.
This gender war will never be won by anyone.
We must stop broke shaming ourselves.
The thing is, do you have something doing? What are you offering in the relationship? If the guy is already footing your bills without you doing anything tangible, then he will definitely look down on you and bolt!, cuz he feels he will carry the family burden on his shoulders too, but if you have something doing and have loads to offer, then the boy is a weak ass fool, a shallow MF!… dust yourself up and lift your head high..
ReplyDeleteKelvin Dat Edo Boi (Stellz Cousin)
She needs to get a job before marriage.
DeleteWith the economic situation of Nigeria, One needs to be honest with him/herself. He was honest and open to you about his concern and decision. If you have been pressuring him for marriage please do not repeat such with the next suitor. Your core Goal is to support your family no matter how little please. Refocus and work harder to at least improve your family's state please before getting married.
ReplyDeleteI do not fault the guy. His the only one that know the lady.
Exactly 💯💯💯
DeleteGbam 💯
DeleteSame here.
DeleteThe guy just said his mind instead of leading her on. The lady should be grateful to him for coming out straight with her. Not later he will waste her time and disappoint her.
You both are not meant for each other.
ReplyDeleteLet him go jare
You own man,that will love and cherish you will come soon and you will be happy you oth parted ways..
The guy is too Pompos.
Nonsense.
Move on and see God in action in your life.
We move. That is a red flag 🚩. Better you are saved from marrying him
ReplyDeleteHe didn't truly love her, else, he wouldn't have ended the relationship because of such reason.
ReplyDeleteYen yen yen..he didn’t love her indeed. Love is down the table of the things that holds and keeps relationships.
DeleteAll these lies lies up and down
ReplyDeleteRespect his wish ,if tide turns many women also has sacked men for this same reason ,so life continue better luck next time and pls look for your level
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this post on X, I saw different reactions from people. Some were bashing the guy mostly from the women that she dodge a bullet and another set of people mainly the guys were saying it was actually the guy that dodge a bullet.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that, the girl's family may be poor but may not actually depend on the guy. The girl could eventually get herself a better job later. Again, the guy isn't obligated anywhere to take care of the girl's family. It's voluntarily. But then, women should stop broke shaming guys who are not financially stable at the moment. This are the things that gave rise to men retaliating.
For the same sets of people saying a lady shouldn’t date a broke boy, but a broke lady should date a rich boy.
They don’t want to chose a poor man but they want a rich man to chose their poor selves. These are the issues and until we look beyond that sentiment, things like this won't stop.
© TEEJAY
Was the also the reason "your woman" left you? Just an innocent question that doesn't need an epistle.
DeleteBe happy that he left you, it's a blessing in disguise.
ReplyDeleteIt is well
ReplyDeleteGod Almighty will show you Mercy..
Okay
🙏🙏🙏🙏
Well, we cannot control where we come from but we can control who we become. Since this wasn’t a BV, I won’t say much. But I am glad the guy said plainly how he felt, yes that pain will cut deep but it also weed out someone who will throw something in her face later.
ReplyDeleteA honourable father of little means who worked hard to give his child a better opportunity is the absolute best of the best of fathers that a child could hope for. So what they don’t have in money they have in love and spirit which is far more valuable than the largest of bank accounts. She did not pretend or try to be something she was not and the man knew, so she is a honest person. These are humble ppl of good character, the hardest type to find in this world. God will sit you on your own throne in your due season. And he that rejected you will marvel at where you end up, just like Joseph. Just continue to do good, work hard and love your family and let God take care of the rest. Time is the master of all
You're blessed. How do I know? You have values.
DeleteBest comment,for me
DeleteThe man followed the advice from some 'Kings',on this blog...oh well Marriage these days is no more based on love, it is transactional..love is no longer enough..sorry, love will find you!
ReplyDeleteMove on my dear, God will see you and your family through
ReplyDeleteThe best revenge is to WIN
ReplyDeleteHis reasons are well justified though I would have preferred he delayed the wedding plans and help that lady stand on her feet. But then, he might not be financially capable to do that. Hence, the tough decision. There's nothing wicked about being calculative. He did the maths and realize it didn't sum up. Who knows if he is the breadwinner of his own family? This lady is yet to be employed. The whole financial burden will be on him alone. What's wrong with not starting what you know you can't finish?
ReplyDeleteI hope the lady the experience inspired the lady to become a better version of herself. That guy taught her a good lesson. Only you can help yourself.
Anyways, MTN you will ask for baddie and God will give you bread.
Oooops....... I hope the experience inspired the lady. Sorry for the typos.
DeleteOmotola Brianna
Shock him with your success dear
ReplyDeleteMes pensée exactement 🙌🏽
DeleteDust yourself and move on. Go out there and get a job. May God use you to alleviate the poverty in your family. That's the only way to heal.
ReplyDeleteHe broke up with you because your family is poor. That breakfast he served you the lesson to learn is for you to go and make money. True love will find you.
Same thing happened to me. Thats why it is better for your boyfriend to know your parents from the onset of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteMe i no send o...I just took him to home the day he requested he wanted to follow me.My parents were caught unawares and my mother chastised me that atleast i should have informed them before coming. No time for pretense let him see them in their normal setting.we broke up soon after that after dating for 3yrs.He was about to propose.He didnt tell me but i knew it was because of my poor parents.I dont regret it at all. I know person i dey date ...very snobbish goat.
You're strong and honest. All will be well by God's grace.
DeleteBut you no try o. You should've informed them. That's how wise chics run it. First impression matters
DeleteYou knew he was a snobbish goat and yet continued with him? And you said he was about to propose? So you would have agreed to marry a snobbish goat?
DeleteLadies pls, date and marry a good man. Don't manage him, they don't change
But you dated the 'snobbish goat' for 3 years.
Deletewhy should she have informed him sef? what happens after he gets along in the relationship? honesty is the best policy, a man will take that lady as she is and build up together....as for me i do not fault the guy at all. people react to situations based on experiences and information they have. my cousin married an Ishan girl and honestly he is carrying the burden of her whole family. she does her part but anytime you go there they are just all over the house because my cousin is not doing badly. he has complained a few times but he loves his wife and does what he can. thank God we his family are not doing badly and nobody is depending on him solely. i cant say if he regrets putting himself in that situation but a young man might see him and say i cannot marry a woman like that
DeleteThis is painful sha
ReplyDeleteI used to be ashamed to take people to our house back then,but glory be to God who through my late bro helped moved us somewhere better,,you might not come from a rich home but you can resolve to be better than you parents.
DeleteTo be honest,the guy was honest with you... there's nothing I love more than honesty. I wish you were employed so that at least he'd know you can take care of your folks.
ReplyDeleteThis situation will make anyone sad especially when you haven't hidden your family's financial situation from him at any time. At the same time, I appreciate the fact that the guy was plain enough to let you know the reason for the break up. But listen up! The best revenge to give such people is to WIN! You just graduated, start thinking of what you can do to change the tide, don't just depend on job search. Think of something to keep you busy and bring you returns no matter how small. You are the first graduate in your family, show your other siblings that education is not a waste, but a valuable asset, and start putting the education to work. Be determined to succeed, that is your surest revenge! If you need to learn a trade, please go for it. Let Stella know if you need help with setting up anything, I will read it here and lend some small support if need be.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain cos it happened to me before, but right now, that guy that that showed me shege, because he said it will take time to make it with me in his life as I do not have anyone that can be of help in my family just begged me for 50k over this weekend.... Tables do turn, and it will turn in your favour.
If I'm being objective, I don't really blame the guy, I wish he had been more diplomatic with his words sha. Poster, times are changing oh, enter road and hustle, not all ladies have that grace of meeting guys that carry their responsibilities, your father is a good man, work hard and help your family, of you arr gainfully employed alongside 1 or 2 of your siblings, it won't seem like a heavy project when someone else comes. Cheers.
Delete* if you are *
DeleteDon't feel bad it is more reasons why you should be successful and take your parents to high level . Good riddance to bad rubbish.
ReplyDeleteIs painful but he was honest,
ReplyDeleteAt list it better Dan marrying you then use it to insult you everyday.
It's obvious he's not the right one for you.Be glad it happened this way.what if he had wasted much of your time STILL dating you and finally breaks up after chasing away other suitors.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, marriage is so important that we must pray and take our time while making that decision because if a person settles for the wrong one,it destroys!
My Ex dumped me for being a teacher after 5 years, and more because my parents are pensioners living in a dusty area. I stood by him when he was jobless for 3 years. Months later, I met a guy via S n M. He helped me regain my confidence. Although he is wealthy, he didn't seem to mind that I was unemployed, but we could not marry because we were warned not to after praying about the union. Today, I have moved from being a classroom teacher to a virtual teacher. I earn in the higher end of six figures weekly with students all over the world. God made something beautiful out of a profession many look down on.
ReplyDeleteTruly tomorrow is pregnant,he did not see this coming. I'm over happy for you🌹❤️
DeleteDo you teach students in french school?
DeleteAbeg I need a virtual french teacher for a primary school kid who will use the school 's given curriculum to teach.
Awww...... nice one. So you and the guy from snm listened to a prophet?
DeleteFantastic!
DeleteA prophet, as in flesh and blood told you guys not to marry and you listened?
DeleteOh dear!
I pity you if you think there are still no genuine prophets who hear from God. moreso she said they prayed so what if they gave confirmation to what she already heard? some of you on this blog are always quick to discredit everything
DeleteAwww I feel sorry for her
ReplyDeleteDid you give him a wrong impression of yourself and family while the going was good ? Check yourself.
ReplyDeleteWomen tell women to avoid broke men all over social media. Even some women avoid low and average income earners to protect the men and the women's sanity. Nothing bad here. Nothing new in the story. Money or money's worth has influenced marriage partners since before Christ came to the earth. He made his choice
ReplyDeleteWe do not choose our parents, family, or siblings but in all we have a readon why we have been sent to that family. Since the lady came to a very poor family, he should have supported her to grow up before walking away. Is never her fault that she came from such family, in wallet her move on with her life. Someone who will love ans and accept her will be with her someday.
ReplyDeleteSad but I don’t blame him. Women are advised not to settle for broke men so why should men settle for broke women? It goes both ways. Women, if your parents live in poverty don’t wait for any man to lift them out, work hard with your siblings and do it yourself. Yes, there are still men that are willing and able to take care of their women but Country don hard and everyone eye don red.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I typed up there...she has a responsible father and responsible siblings, they should join hands together and improve her family's fortune. Even a rich suitor will be uncomfortable if he sees that there's no financially stable person in her family.
DeleteVery painful to read 😌
ReplyDeleteDo I blame him for reasoning that way? Honestly, no. The truth is there would be financial expectation from the lady and her family which would definitely weigh him down and delay or hinder his chances to grow his own wealth, and if he doesn't deliver as expected, the same family may treat his with contempt. Chances of him achieving his financial dreams are higher when his wife is from a financially strong background. Besides, I've seen comments here hailing a woman for choosing a rich suitor over a poor one. Let's face the truth, when it is up to them, men are very intentional about who they are settling down with. I laugh when women think their husbands married them because they are better than other women he dated. Not true. Men marry who meets a need they prioritize, be it physical appearance or finances.
ReplyDeleteBesides, in my opinion, a lady who knows she's from a financially poor background and just finished NYSC has no business thinking about marriage. Sounds to me like she's expecting the guy to support her and her family. Same expectation I can see from the comments here, that he should have supported her. Her focus should be on getting herself financially capable.
However, should he have treated her this way? No. He shouldn't have ghosted her or tell her via text. He could have chosen a better setting and just said he decided to be honest to himself that they were not compatible. It would hurt of course but not like this.
how in anywhere in the story did it say she was expecting the guy to support her and her family? for him to want to know her family was because he wanted to know her better and maybe take it to the next level...if you want to marry a young girl who just left school then you should know she cannot contribute much and her family obviously cannot either..
DeleteA very sad reason to break up, but then, it's better to say the truth. Most people are afraid of financial burden
ReplyDeleteMy dear don't let it weigh you down. Be focus and work hard. Also do not look at any man as your source of income or alleviation. If it comes no wahala. Try and do better for yourself
ReplyDeleteNa Igbo dey reason like that, na buy them dey buy woman
ReplyDeleteIf I call you a tribal bigot now, you go say na curse. You left the topic at hand and decided to show case your disdain for the Igbo race. Come, take some honey, they are not the cause of your problem.
DeleteChai! Omg! !
ReplyDeleteI feel so sorry for her
My dear focus and move on, a better man will locate you.
You'll be fine girl. Una go jam again after life serve am 'Reality dot Check'.
ReplyDeletefor you men bleeding in the comment section a man was meant to be a provider in the home and the woman to assist. so it is an anomaly for a man not to have anything doing...if a man has no income you have no business looking for a wife. if a woman has no income she can marry a man who has an income but it behooves on the woman to also not be lazy and support the man. go and read the book of Genesis again about Adam and eve before you down load your ignorance at me. it is the mans duty to provide for his family within your means.
ReplyDelete