NARRIED MAN SEARCHING FOR WOULD BE BABY MAMA
Good day Stella.
My wife and I have been TTCing for over 12 years since we got married, done herbal, IVF most recently (2 trials) and still no success. Now to do another IVF we would need to do fibroid evacuation.
It has been cash draining and men, I am 45 years this year.
I wouldn't wanna leave her cos I know how mentally drained she would be.
I wish to have a baby outside my marriage without her knowledge although I have had discussions with her that I would have to seek a child outside.
But I also want to have with a mature and supportive lady that would understand my situation.
So I wish you make a publication in your blog about a serious lady that we can raise up a child(ren) together but not marriage for now.
She should be in Edo/Delta state Urhobo/Isoko preferably, Working/business class, should be between 33-40 old. She should be good looking as well.
My phone no is 0********* calls only.
Thank you
My wife and I have been TTCing for over 12 years since we got married, done herbal, IVF most recently (2 trials) and still no success. Now to do another IVF we would need to do fibroid evacuation.
It has been cash draining and men, I am 45 years this year.
I wouldn't wanna leave her cos I know how mentally drained she would be.
I wish to have a baby outside my marriage without her knowledge although I have had discussions with her that I would have to seek a child outside.
But I also want to have with a mature and supportive lady that would understand my situation.
So I wish you make a publication in your blog about a serious lady that we can raise up a child(ren) together but not marriage for now.
She should be in Edo/Delta state Urhobo/Isoko preferably, Working/business class, should be between 33-40 old. She should be good looking as well.
My phone no is 0********* calls only.
Thank you
I feel so bad for this man that he loves his wife but has to seek for kids outside...I have seen couples looking for kids abroad with man saying if it comes fine and if not fine but would never look for someone else..
Should we cencourage him to seek a baby mama or discourage him and tell him to hold on?
Would any lady be willing to be entangled in this situation?
Guys, grab popcorn and zobo, then sit down, relax and watch the Female bvs display their hypocrisy.
ReplyDeleteLadies remember this man and that lady that wants to be a baby mama are seeking for the same thing .
Oya! Let the hypocrisy begin.
You don't spoil show🙄
DeleteNo dey rush talk am next time,. You no dey see as I dey do am nii..
You go first throway face like say you no dey look of see anything, come allow them gather dey begin make mouth and do competition on who hate man pass, before you go come do them "wowowowowow yeye!!"
Next time calm down fess..
Blessings..
*Back to not replying anonymous
Oh no anon… why naw? Should have kept mute. Now what you think hey gon do?? We would only be seeing short and neutral comments now.
DeleteSo Una plenti reach dis much?
DeleteMan don laff taya.
Anyway, Brodaman neva try surrogacy.
Okay na make I go read D short neutral comments.
Hahahahahaha Stella styleee.
Lol.
O My goodness 🤣🤣🤣 Your comment got me @Dante Cheiii . My gender don hear am 😂
DeleteGod please just come through for this couple.
ReplyDeleteDear OP,
DeleteI strongly commend your support and respect thus far; it is not easy. But I kindly request you share your current state with your wife please, it is a difficult conversation to have but you need to. Doing it secretly would be unethical and a violation of the trust in your marriage. 12 years of marriage in this circumstance is No beans, you have done Amazingly well thus far. With all due respect; Are you open to explore surrogacy or adoption? Have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your shared desire to have children. Seek counseling together to work through any issues or concerns either partner will have in regards to “the means” of having children.
If after counseling, you realize you both have fundamentally different desires on means to have children, then be ready to have a very difficult but honest discussions about whether the marriage can continue given this incompatibility. Deception and betraying a spouse's trust seldom leads anywhere positive.
Please do you but via the right and noble way. Because children thrive best when raised by two fully committed parents in a loving and honest environment. I would strongly caution you Sir against taking unilateral action to have a child without your wife's full knowledge and consent. That would likely severely damage or end your marriage.
Poster haven't you heard of surrogacy? Why don't you and your wife go for that? It seems to me that you want a baby mama or mistress that will birth for you. Just know that whatever you choose to do comes with consequences, because people are not meant to be used. Complications will always set in. Sha try to carry your wife along in whatever you decide to do, and know that your baby mama's demands can change at any time.
DeleteNot only does he want a baby mama, he also wants the baby mama to be about to support herself and the children they will have. Why not talk to your wife about surrogacy?
DeleteI feel your pain oga.
ReplyDeleteIt is not a bad idea to look out and get someone to birth kids for you.
Goodluck.
Sluttychic.
if you were my brother or son, I would ask you to seek a child outside your marriage if the fault is not from you. 12 years is a long time, but don't stop trying for a child with your wife
ReplyDeleteHave a baby outside without your wife's knowledge, really? What happens when she finds out, cos she will. Adoption and Surrogacy nko?
ReplyDeleteIt takes a strong lady, someone who is emotionally balanced to want to get involved in things like this. I wish u goodluck sa.
ReplyDeleteMaybe no money for surrogacy cos he complained abt cash draining him already.
DeleteIVF is cash draining. And baby mama is cash conserving. I laugh because you don’t even know what you are getting into
ReplyDeleteJust respectfully walk away from the marriage because………. You’re signing up for an entanglement that no one knows when it will end
You wan marry second wife. All these one you’re saying na just to deceive yourself
Why not adopt and have peace
Zendaya
My thoughts exactly.
DeleteWhy not consider surrogacy o
What are the things the baby mama will gain asides having a child for you sir?
ReplyDeleteThe day couples will realise they can actually be happy with or without kids ehn, I don't really blame you for seeking alternative because I know the society we find ourselves, and how they will be passing snide comments or unsolicited advice. It is well jare, I don't know what to advice cos na you wear the shoe.
He specifically said, someone who is working and need a child, yes the baby mama will be gaining a child with a responsible man who want the same thing with him, a lot of you on this blog behave like you live in pluto and have never seen women who raised their kids alone, women and men who only want children and no marriage. Why do you want to dictate how someone chooses to live his life? Why is this disturbing to you? My friend sister who studied and lived in Ireland just relocated after 15 years of childness, she met a married man who was also childness and agree to have kids, they have 2 kids together, she is doing well, working and the kids go on vacations courtesy of the 2 parents. Nobody died and nothing bad happened or is happening. Those of you that have both parents at home, yet you fend for yourselves, some of you your father don't even know what is going on with your lives, but always quick to judge. The day, Nigerians women will learn to live life on their own accord, get jobs and actually not seeing marriage like the ultimate, is the day, they will live a truly happy life. Please Stella, allow the women make their choices, some women have everything, all they need is a child with a man who is alike with them. Put his number, who wan die make e die!
DeleteThank you game mistress. This man wants a child outside without responsibility towards the woman. Oga looking for working class lady naa one chance you go enter because if you don’t marry her that child belongs to her family and not you.
DeleteI'll advice he talks it out with his wife. Let her be in the know cos it won't be easy on her if she learns about it later. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteUnquestionably God..
ReplyDeleteYet u see people go for abortions everyday, have unwanted children everyday.. U see people desperately begging for babies everyday.. I don't understand this God at all, it's so overwhelming ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
What happened to surrogacy, if the funds are available and if he really does not want a second wife. That option he is seeking will only lead to him having a second wife.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad to read to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you want kids without leaving your wife but some ladies will agree to this initial arrangement and later tell you they want more after some time. You will now have to choose between your wife or the woman and your child. It may not be easy as time goes on.
I pray God will smile on you both soon so you can have kids without issues.
Adopt mehn. It is better than having a baby outside. Trust me that would break her down completely.
ReplyDeleteAdoption or surrogacy.
I know money is involved in both processes. But look for young children you can bring up as yours and adopt.
People handle childlessness in different ways. Until you have been there, you will never understand. I don't know and neither can I relate with what he is going through considering that I have kids.
ReplyDeleteEveryone who desires parenthood should do whatever it takes to achieve that. So OP, I support you 100% in your quest. Do however, let your wife know of the step you are about to take. Give her that respect at least. You are only informing her and not seeking her permission.
That said, can surrogacy be an option worth considering? Your sperm, your wife's eggs in a more viable womb. This way, your wife can actually own the journey with you. It will also be her child after all.
But from your post, it appears you are indirectly looking for a second wife. Your wife will pick up that vibe at some point and she will leave on her own. Is that what you want?
Do whatever works for you though. I wish you the best.
You are trying to stand on both sides of the fence. What is 'You are only informing her and not seeking her permission.' So if he should inform her, he should care less about how she feels about his plans and just go ahead abi? Let's be mindful of the kind of advise we give others. It is actually a small world.
DeleteAnon 20:29
DeleteI don't have a dog in the game and I frankly don't care. How do you extrapolate that I'm standing on both sides? OP was trying to justify his position. His wife's barrenness is just a mere excuse. He wants a free ticket to f(u)ck outside. Ofcourse I didn't want to be so direct in my earlier post but it appears you are a bit slow on the uptake. So there.
Dogety or whatever you call yourself, you don't like truth. Your statement is glaring, except you are trying to say you don't understand your own statement. Meaning that you are the one that is not only slow, but you can't express yourself correctly. Now hiding behind you were trying not to be direct. If you are direct will they beat you? Stop calling others slow when you yourself cannot express yourself correctly. No wonder you think you are a dog.
DeleteChai
ReplyDeleteI support his desire to seek for alternatives. His desire to experience fatherhood is valid, however, I cannot support the double life and secrecy. He has the option to use a surrogate, could even be someone they both know.
ReplyDeleteSeems like he wants an outlet for a separate emotional and sexual life outside of his wife. If he has detached from his wife spiritually, emotionally and sexually then he should file for divorce, because he is already divorced in his spirit and heart. Give her the chance to try with someone else because sometimes babies come to a woman through a different man. There is biological and chemical incompatibility of spouses and it is real. If he wants to try with another woman then give her the opportunity to try with a different man too. I will not support his behind the back dealings, painting himself as some martyr who feels he is sparing his wife pain by doing it secretly. Having her turn the laughing stock with everyone knowing he has this outside family but her will be far more painful than whatever pain a divorce could bring when she does find out.
If you respect her then have the hard conversation. Do not cause that woman any added torture.
Exactly this. If you want another woman, tell your wife so she can be free to try with another man too. Not telling her will be a stab in the back.
DeleteIf you really love your wife, you'll stand by her, this is the highest level of betrayal and this can wreck your marriage. Be wise
ReplyDeleteare you minding the stupid man...claiming love...you cannot love her and not stand by her at this trying time...IS YOUR WIFE GOD THAT GIVES CHILDREN? IS IT HER FAULT? divorce if you are tired and stop being cunny...
DeleteIn this same condition with the Chronicle Poster. My wife had her womb removed because the fibroid got big and stretched the walls of the womb and it was advised the womb be removed as the womb can not carry a baby because it's walls are so thin. No money for IVF. She does not mind me getting a child(ren) outside but she must be carried along. I'm 52 and she's 51. It's draining in every way as I don't want to leave her as she's a good woman.
ReplyDeleteO my, this comment saddens me. So sorry. I sent even know what to say. God in his infinite mercy, will show you and your wife mercy.
DeleteWhat do you mean by “she must be carried along”?
DeleteSorry to learn of your plight. I think couples should stop avoiding these conversations or waiting too late to address serious matters. I hope the perfect solution to your situation finds you.
If your wife has had a hysterectomy, what good will IVF do? Fertilised eggs are supposed to be implanted into the womb, so without one, how is IVF even up for discussion?
Deleteyes she must be carried along....since you have no money for IVF that means she must know whoever you want to sleep with to get pregnant for you....my personal advice anyway is to believe God for a miracle...if you are a christian join NSPPD and pray along with pastor Jerry till your change comes....look for testimonies of women who God gave brand new wombs on NSPPD and key in...
DeleteAt almost 45, surely, you've heard of the term "gestational carrier".
ReplyDeleteIf you haven't...google it.
Assuming the 2 cycles of IVF you've done with your wife, has been with your sperm and her eggs, then you can pay a fertility clinic to set you up with a woman, willing to help you become parents.
You secretly trying to go behind you wife's back is despicable!!
Embrace polygamy and inform your wife before starting the journey, because a baby mama will want more later in future or Incase your wife gets pregnant later.
ReplyDeleteShe would want to be sure of her stance.
All the best.
Not all baby mamas are hungry and jobless, some are hard working class ladies who only need a child with a responsible man instead of going to sperm bank or having a child with anybody. Ini edo has a child with a friend who agree to surrogacy, she is dating someone else, so i don't understand the type of women you guys on this blog mingle with, many women out there, are making it and don't need men in their lives and also many women are okay with being with a man without the commitment of marriage, they just want companionship. Tired of this theories you guys preach on this blog.
DeleteWhen I said she might want more,I didnt mean in terms of finances alone.
DeleteWill the man be available for the child healthwise,emotionally and phychologically.
No matter how we put it a mother would love for her child/children's father to be present.
Most times,we only open our options because of the situation we found ourselves.
@Poster:I still insist you carry your wife along and let the baby mama know her place.shikena
16:09, you talk only of the woman, the child(ren) would also want to say their parents are legally married. No child is proud to say they were born out of wedlock. So pls he shud do the honorable thing by marrying the woman he intends to have kids with and provide for her a separate accommodation.
DeleteShe went to a sperm bank and I read an interview where she allegedly said that she chose a sperm bank to avoid baby daddy issues in future.
DeleteThe only bit of advice I have for you is to put yourself in your wife’s shoes. Your post somehow reads like the fertility challenge might be from her and you are ready to detach yourself to get a child. If you had low or no sperm count, how would you feel if your wife got pregnant by another man - and didn’t tell you about . If you like the feeling you get when you imagine that, you have your answer. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you- particularly since you are now “one flesh”. Abi you no do church wedding or take vows to stand by each other “in sickness and in health”?
ReplyDeletedont mind the selfish man
DeleteI think polygamy is better than this your arrangement bro just marry the second wife better
ReplyDeletePlease discuss surrogacy with your wife and enjoy your life. Life is hard already, dont complicate it any further.
ReplyDeleteHave a baby outside it'll open your wives womb. She must genuinely accept the child from her heart. Let her nurture the mother till she births. After delivering let her buy choice fruits and pray on it then gift the mother. Her womb will bear children every year onwards.
ReplyDeleteYou think life is Yoruba movie
Delete😆 🤣 😂.
DeleteLife is like a long lesson in humility.
Bv Sommy
This your advice is like advising someone to take ampiclox for birth control.
DeleteMay the Lord give you the wisdom to take the right decision.
ReplyDeletePlease, tell your wife about Streams of Joy Abuja, online prayers everyday. Prayers don't fail
You are making life too complicated
ReplyDeleteWhat is the issue? At this point perhaps her eggs are not the best but truly it’s not always clear why two people are mot having a child together
Many times we automatically think it’s cause if the woman’s age but I’ve seen 45 year old have a child with a younger guy so it could be the quality of the sperm or it could be that the prior man and her just where not compatible for bearing a child together
All this to say as you’ve both agreed did you to try outside, she should try too. No need to hide from her. I just don’t see need to bring in another person per week. You can try an anonymous egg donor and she can try an anonymous sperm donor. You both can also try an anonymous or know surrogate and egg donor with your sperm or with her egg
There are many options that don’t involve another woman or man
Wishing your wife all the peace she needs. Would you have been okay if u were the one with the issue and ur wife advises that she tries for a child outside?
ReplyDeleteIf ur wife is not in the know of what u are about to do, I want to believe you are about committing ‘maternity fraud’. But kudos to you, you have found a way to get BVs to be nice to you despite the fact that you are asking for ways to cheat on ur wife.
Wishing every TTC woman here baby dust. May God grant you ur heart desires.
Amen
DeleteI like his sincere heart. Goodluck on your decision.
ReplyDeleteGet a surrogate, use your sperm and get donor eggs.
ReplyDeleteShikenaaaaa!!!!! You avoid the complications that come with being involved with a second woman, your marriage is kept intact and your emotions and loyalty are not divided.
My client is in her fifties. She can't have children biologically. She came back to Nigeri, and they got a surrogate and procured donor eggs. A beautiful child was born and everyone is happy. Because no other woman was sexually involved in creating that child, she LOVES the child wholeheartedly and had to take some time off work to care for it.
The man is happy, wife is happy and everyone is happy.
Just like every thing else, there is a price for everyone. There are more affordable clinics and surrogates.
Since a man's sperm doesn't expire, you can start planning towards this in the next 12-24 months. You don't have to break your wife emotionally to have a child.
The man wants to eat his cake and have it. He doesn't have to have children outside without his wife's knowledge. Why not settle for surrogacy instead since the IVF is failing...
ReplyDeleteStella, this man doesn't love his wife, he's just trying to prevent bashing. He should be thinking about surrogacy or adoption if he actually did not looking for cheating validation.
ReplyDeleteMy 2 cents
This is the beginning of the crash of their supposedly perfect union. Lord have mercy ni o
ReplyDeletePoster, my candid advice is for you to adopt a child and see GOD bless you with your child for nurturing someone else's child.I am a Christian and look at things from the lens of the word of GOD.What does the bible say about having a child out of wedlock?Don't go the route of looking for a baby mama and bringing trouble to your life.The word of GOD is living and powerful and HE will uphold it in our lives, if we believe and have faith in HIM.Read the book of Hebrews chapter 13:4.I am a woman and will be 47 years in November and have never been married.I have the belief and trust in GOD to take of my future and will not have a child outside the confinement of marriage.I have seen myself in some circumstances to comprise my faith but I stood my ground.HIS grace is sufficient for us.I read about a man recently who just had a child after 22 years of marriage and he did not disturb his wife or look for a baby mama.Hold fast unto GOD'S word and HE will show up when you do not expect.Selah!
ReplyDeleteLife is spiritual and you need to know how to use your thoughts positively to attract those blessings you so desire.when your thoughts are always positive, not too long, those blessings will be drawn to you.
ReplyDeleteChildren come from God and he will give to you.You talked about fibroid evacuation.
Now,this is where you apply FAITH.For the bible says, without Faith, it's impossible to please God.Once the fibroids are removed, believe your wife will get pregnant immediately.you may not even do it through IVF but through the normal way of conception.Alot of women have applied faith and got pregnant,even women with fibroids cases were still able to conceive.All you need is to believe,the one who gave you life and brought you out of your mother's womb,is capable of putting another life into the womb of your wife.
They removed the womb not only the fibroid
DeleteIs well with you and your wife.May Almighty God grant you your head desire.
ReplyDeleteYimu. So you want to cheat on your wife. Oga, go and do surrogacy. Use your sperm and her egg or donor egg. That will kill two birds with one stone.
ReplyDeleteYou want to cheat on your wife and have a child.
ReplyDeleteYou want a working class baby mama, that will carry the responsibility of your irresponsibility.
You love your wife, but you are too eager and more focused on having children, but ur wife isn't right?
You are just looking for free gbenshing, and free belle and but you no Wan pay wella. OK oo, for this naija wey hard, You will see you hear.
If you really love your wife, like you said, You should be talking of adoption or surrogacy, Anything aside that,'You are a cheat' and a wicked man, Period.
February completed 12 years since I was ttcing. I started falling sick towards the end of February, having digestive issues. God had answered me, with no eggs left and fibroids returning after removing 500g. It was never about the situation if not, God would have blessed my husband and I before the situation became completely hopeless according to doctors who advised us to get an egg donor which we got but will now not use the eggs. Before you bring unnecessary spiritual problems upon yourself, along with your wife consider surrogacy or adoption. Because of my love for God I came to a place where I accepted that child or no child, I won’t turn away from God. Wait on Lord. I promise you He won’t disappoint you. His will and plans for you are far better that yours.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong in what this man is looking for. For him to come here shows he has been a responsible man. Irresponsible men don't give a damn. They slot their preek at any hole in the name of trying to get a child and dash the wife STD at every eke day.
ReplyDeleteI don't wish TTC for any woman . Oga go ahead with your plans. Trust me, your wife is tired emotionally and will not fight you over this decision but may God deal with you unjustly if you ever throw her away or abandon her when the baby or babies arrive.
Sister so this is what you will advice a church brother that approaches you for advice? Na wa
DeleteYou didn't mention surrogacy among all you have try, why don't you speak with your wife for you both to try surrogacy and adoption? If IVF is not working please try the two options I just mentioned.
ReplyDeletePut yourself in the shoes of your wife, how will you feel if the table was to be turned around. Would you be okay if you find out she has a child with someone why married to you? Please try people the same way you would want them to treat you.
@ Poster , I perfectly understand you. Let me share a quick story with you. I have a friend that was exactly in your position. Him and his wife tried for at-least 17 years to have kids, failed iVF etc nothing was working. you know most times we get to see childlessness from a woman's eyes, but that was my first time seeing it from a man's view. i remember very well he wanted to take this same decision, getting a girl pregnant. In fact the lady was already on standby and i think it was God that used me to stop it. he didn't want marriage with the girl , he just wanted a child by all means. I asked him a question.So if your wife finds out what happens? he said he will quit his marriage and he will not marry the girl. I got so pissed. I have never yelled at anyone the way I did that day. this is someone that is almost 10years my senior........Oh i yelled and i was happy i got to him....I told instead to hang on that God will give him a child. I don't want to disclose a lot here but eventually they tried another hospital in I think Delta and lucky met a good doctor who guided them through the process of ivf again(NOTE THERE IS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL I LEFT OUT HERE), But I am happy to tell you that they have a son now. he is going on to 2years if i am not mistaken. Please do not take that drastic decision just yet. look for a good fertility clinic.... and hold on to God.YOU WILL HAVE A CHILD. TRUST ME ON THIS) Today I look at my friend and smile....He is so happy ehnnnn but imagine if he had gotten someone else pregnant, and to think his son is his doppleganger.
ReplyDeleteThank God for this testimony!
DeleteA very sad situation to be in
ReplyDeleteDonor eggs plus surrogate...no infidelity no breaking of heart...just find money...
ReplyDeleteMy one cent, instead of Baby mamaship, try surrogacy with a reputable agency, while you trust God to make it work. Put yourself in your wife's shoes, if she does this to you, will you be happy? Ireeee!
ReplyDelete