ADVICE NEEDED
My husband settled a Boi since 2 years ago and he has refused to leave my house . I'm no longer comfortable with him staying with us because I have a 12 year old daughter.'
Sometime last year, he went to where my daughter was sleeping and was touching her bum and breast.
My daughter told me in the morning and I was broken . I told my husband and he was like if my daughter is really sure, that I should tell her that anytime he does that again she should hold his hands and raise alarm so he can have good evidence to deal with the Boi.
I personally confronted the Boi and he said that he was sorry and swore with his father's grave that it will never happen again,but I am still not comfortable with him staying with us.
My husband does not want to tell him to go because he is a relative kind of and he is still trying to establish his business.
What do you think I should do ?
My daughter told me in the morning and I was broken . I told my husband and he was like if my daughter is really sure, that I should tell her that anytime he does that again she should hold his hands and raise alarm so he can have good evidence to deal with the Boi.
I personally confronted the Boi and he said that he was sorry and swore with his father's grave that it will never happen again,but I am still not comfortable with him staying with us.
My husband does not want to tell him to go because he is a relative kind of and he is still trying to establish his business.
What do you think I should do ?
Your husband was right about this....Let your daughter scream out the next time he tries it..He wont do anything now anymore or he will wait for sometime.....
Let him be caught red handed since having receipt to prove he did this is wuite risky..
Your husband was wrong wrong
ReplyDeleteHe admitted it
What evidence do you people want
This is the story your child will tell herself when she grows up and truly understands she was molested:
I told my parents and they keptmy abuser in the house
Waiting till it you get evidence is risky and may be too late, have you even considered how your daughter will feel allowing that boy to continue to share the same space as her? She will feel as her parents you did not believe her the first time, this will lead to her not even bothering to report the molestation if or when it happens again, She is not safe, you need to mount pressure for that boy to leave the house asap
DeleteMy thoughts exactly!
DeleteHow do you want her to speak up in future if someone is trying to take advantage of her when she has spoken up now and you guys did nothing?
Some parents don’t understand the frailty of a child’s mind, at all.
The people telling you to wait probably have no daughters. You are failing your daughter by still keeping the boy there. How about recording his confession. U r waiting till he tries it again???? Are you freaking kidding me...so ur daughter shld continue sleeping with one eye open and be scared in her own home. All because of "relative kind of"
DeleteStella is right ,relatives could be very difficult to deal with especially if his or her parents has helped one in time of difficulty ,only an evidence is the way out ,your husband is right
ReplyDeleteWhat evidence
DeleteIf they don’t want to believe they won’t believe
Will they put camera in her room
That’s the only thing that’s irrefutable
In this case, I will not wait for evidence. My daughter is not an experiment. Who cares for evidence when I can protect her?
DeleteLet’s say okay, we wait for evidence and get it, will it erase what has already gone down? It will not.
My daughter that should enjoy life to the fullest will now start acting strange and depressed cos of “evidence”
Madam, leave the house for them or if your parents or any sibling lives close, let her stay with them till Oga does the needful.
Sluttychic.
Just that the evidence required in this case would be act completed and devastating to the girl child. Even in the law courts, penetration is not required to prove rape. All that is required is P... tip touching the closed Vv.
DeleteSince he admitted and if Oga is so much obligated, Oga should find more money (maybe another settlement or half of what was given before) for him and send him on his way.
Stella I disagree with you on this one, how can you wait for evidence before you protect your child…. How do people even reason…. Your child told you such a horrible thing, the guy in question accepted and apologized, you still decided to keep goat and yam together and get another evidence…hmmmm… well thank God for a woman like you, it’s either the boy leaves or I leave with my daughter…. ( I was in your daughter’s shoes growing up and I promised myself that no male relative would ever live with me)
DeleteGod bless you slutty, my daughter can't be used for any experiment besides the guy confessed so what evidence again are they looking for? You people already broke her trust. The least you could do as a parent is to believe her, it will give her the courage to speak out next time incase such thing occurs again.
DeleteThe p does not have to touch the v to prove r*pe. Gush! Nigerians need an education on what constitutes r*pe/sexual assault. This is why many of them get into trouble with the law/work colleagues when they leave Nigeria.
DeleteThe p does not need to touch the v to prove rape you say? In which court? Pls where did you study ur own law, dfntly not naija cos one of the ingredients of the offence of rape under the Nigerian criminal law is penetration and i don’t see how that can happen if the p doesn’t touch the v
Delete20:10 that is Nigerian law
DeleteEverything else can still be a crime but the crime of r* requires actual penetration
Your husband is not a serious man. What if he drugs her and she’s not able to scream or he threatens her with a knife or any other sharp object?
ReplyDeleteThat girl is talking now and you guys are not doing anything about it. Maybe you should leave the house for them so she can be protected.
Sluttychic.
So what if he covers her mouth or drug her next time and she can’t make a sound. The idea that the onus is on a child to prove her innocence is mind boggling to me. Your husband did not even make an attempt, which is very disheartening because in situations like these the man should stand up and protect the family. There are things we can fail at, but in a situation Ike this he should have been asked to leave the home and be off the premises from the issue was first brought to light and reported to the authorities.
ReplyDeleteUnaliving someone can be justified through self defence, p3dophilia can never be justified or forgiven. Why these ppl are so often protected in families is beyond me. Their azzes should be fed to the sharks.
Both parents do not love their daughter, if they did that boy would be out by his ears! Which kind yeye evidence are they looking for at the detriment of the girl's safety and mental health. E no go better for what relatives will think or say! Gosh!!!
DeleteWow Stella! really? My dear this is crazy! We're talking to wait until she's raped to collect evidence? Who is to assure you guys that he won't wait until there's no one around ? Drug her beforehand? Find a reason, find him a new place like a relative vs your own daughter. You guys are horrible parents you believe her but you won't do anything about it? What's the point of telling you? Even You're not at peace because you know that you didn't do right by your child. Follow your instinct my dear!
ReplyDeleteIf your husband insist then you should go sleep in your child’s room so you can protect her
ReplyDeleteShe should be locking her door when there is any “stranger” in the house.
I either stay with the kids or make them lock their door
Sometimes she may sleep very deep and not even notice his hands on her till he has touched her a lot or even started the “main act.” Don’t take the chance
Protect your child and tell him to leave.
ReplyDeleteChineke biko! Your husband is so wrong for this. Did you record him confessing to that. Let me tell you what I would have done. I would have torn him apart with my bare hands when my daughter reported that. If my husband tried to come between us, he for don collect too. He would have left the house by himself, or I pursue am by myself since your husband lacks bollz!
ReplyDeleteAnon,dat would have bin my reaction also, poster,which yeye evidence?u want to wait till he rapes her after drugging her? U want incest practiced in ur home? Wat rubbish.ur husband is not a man y es I said it,wat type of man would say such a thing?poster get dat boi out of Ur house before the worse happens.relative my foot.ur husband's primary assignment as a father is to secure safety for his children.poster get that boy out now!!!!! evidence indeed.
DeletePoster, if possible, you guys can rent him a room in a boys quarter or somewhere to stay outside your home since the concern is about what the extended family would say. That’s a mature way to nudge people out of your home without leaving them stranded. Get the place, pay six months and tell him the rest six months and going forward, he is responsible. Do not let anyone take advantage of your children make or female.
ReplyDeleteOr pay one year rent and still put him on food allowance for one year to over-do.
DeleteFish trap ?
ReplyDeleteYour husband may probably have molested someone in the past for him to be this calm about it.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad that a father can’t protect his own child in her home.
I thought along the same lines, but chose not to mention it in my comment in a bid to spare her.
DeleteExactly my thought because there's no way that a normal parent would allow that boy to stay another night in that house.
DeleteThe guy already confessed that he did it and that he’s sorry, what more evidence are you waiting for?
ReplyDeleteMadam, do you know what SA does to a child? Do you know the mental torment and physical pains they go through?
Do you know how to handle recovery in victims of SA?
If not go and learn cos that boy will strike again only this time, she might not be lucky to be able to resist him especially if he drugs her or forces her when no one is around.
To be forewarned is to be forearmed but you and your hubby have chosen to sleep at the warfront.
Poster your husband is trying to use wisdom on your Boi, is not easy to send some relatives away without proper evidence. Your daughter will be the one to finish the work by raising alarm whenever he makes such useless moves.
ReplyDeleteYou need to educate your daughter to sleep less and pay more attention to her environment cos that guy will still make such moves again. She should watch out for him touching her again nabs raise alarm, she should bit himmso that it will be her proof.
Just make sure you don't leave them both at home alone, if they are left alone at home that guy will over power her and have his way. Do not take your eyes off your daughter please, make sure you protect your child.
Excited courtesy? Did someone steal Ur I.D? Haba?na u type dis tin up dia?educate her child to sleep less? a twelve years old?abeg remember that it's her father's house .she should be free.poster pursue dat boy.
DeleteGod forbid I have a person like you as relative or even distant friend! Tell a child of 12 to sleep less? You're inhuman & wicked! Abiyamo oshi, oniranu oponu ode
DeletePls what is Boi? A woman with a 12 year old spells the word as boi?
ReplyDeletePls, get rid of that man from ur house, whatever it takes to do that. If it means telling ur husband you and the girl would pack out, whenever the man is done and gone you would return, fine. Tell him all three of u can no longer stay there, either he leaves or you and ur daughter leave. Drastic situations call for drastic measures. Ur husband does not believe what you and ur daughter said that is why that guy is still around. I hope you have not been trying to forcefully evict that guy from the house, to the point that ur hubby feels u r trying to pin ‘molestation’ on the guy, cos i know we women, once we dnt like anybody around, we can do anything including shouting ‘rape’
I am not saying i don’t blv u, i am just covering all angles. Cos if ur man blvs u, he won’t say what he said, men don’t joke with their baby girls, he fit kill person if he hears that his girl was touched. This one that he is asking to wait for a reoccurrence means he doesn’t blv u guys.
Pls watch that girl for now, don’t let her slepp alone, whenever she isn’t in sch, mk sure u r wt her 24/7, when going out, move around with her that way cats move wt their kittens. It’s just a small sacrifice u wud make, till the guy leaves ur house. I wish you all the best.
It's pronounced boi to indicate the apprenticeship program among igbos so we understand why the poster typed it like that.
DeleteOh, thanks 21:14, i didn’t know, in fact i’ve never seen the word. I’m not Igbo, hence the question.
DeleteAre you sure your husband is not even sleeping with the boy?there is more to this story.investigate further
ReplyDeleteFamily matters are not so simple O. Man use to spark with gra gra before. But have been humbled. A mother or Aunty can render her daughter or niece barren to spite her son/brother -in-law or waste his resources. Without higher power backing, some actions rightly taken against a family member can sink a man. However, the man should find all soft landing for the young man to quickly soonest leave that home. he is a bomb waiting to destroy the family.
ReplyDeleteYou and ur husband are not serious at all
ReplyDeleteBest comment so far!
DeleteYou need a lot of investigation to do madam.
ReplyDeleteI find it strange that your husband is seeking for evidence at the expense of his daughter’s physical,emotional and mental well being.
If you are sure you haven’t been giving the vibes of hate and wanting the boy out of your home prior to the molestation saga, then I want to believe your husband has secret(s) the boy is privy to so he’s scared to rock the boat.
Who exactly is this boy? A relative truly or your husband’ s son?
Or is he sleeping with the boy?
Or the boy just knows too much about your husband so Oga dares not offend him?
Investigate pls and most importantly, protect your daughter even if it means giving both oga and his boy space.
Don't know how,you can be calm in this situation? That boy won't sleep in my house again forever and he will think twice before,touching any underage girl again,by the time,I am done with him. My child should be safe in her house. I am very annoyed,reading this chronicle. 🤨🤨🤨🤨
ReplyDeleteExactly, I once experienced this in my home then. The boi was still serving sha, my daughter was about 4 years ,I wanted to carry her and I noticed her pant was shifted. I scream and and asked her who touched her and she mentioned a particular name because I had up to 3 of them in my house. Upon interrogation, he admitted, the kind of slaps I gave him that day ehh. I was ready to lock him up,I was furious and he was on bended knees begging. I was mad,I called my hubby on phone but he asked me to calm down.
DeleteUpon his return, he asked him again and he admitted. That was th end,he left my house the next day.
After six months, he was calling my hubby that he is sorry and wants to come back,my hubby rejected outrightly that he doesn't need any one to spoils his kids..
Please you and your hubby should do the needful.
The guy admitted it to you, what other evidence do you need? poster before its too late and ''had i know'' steps in get rid of him ASAP.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how ungrateful and evil minded some people can be, after all your family did for him is this how he wants to pay back?
Family dynamics sometimes can be very delicate and yet so annoying. I can only pray that divine intervention sends him on his way really really soon. I pray mostly that your blooming Daisy emotionally and mentally departs from the negative side of the experience.
ReplyDeleteYou and your husband are Joking.like seriously, see both parties have receipts why wait to send him away
ReplyDeletePosterity will Judge your husband, you and the boy for requiring evidence of SA from a pre teen, when the boy actually confessed to it. Your daughter will feel ya'll don't belive her and resent you for it. Not fair on her sha. Hopefully she will be alive and lucky to get evidence next time.
ReplyDeleteHope you’re a stay at home mum? If you’re not , please install camera. Because you won’t be at home 💯 of the time. Leaving your teenager at home might occur and the boy maybe around or will monitor you and your husband’s movement. Madam pls prioritize your child’s safety first. Since she has opened up to you and you didn’t do anything she won’t bother again if anything happens again. Stop being broken/ emotional and act fast!
ReplyDeleteStella seriously?! As if the first incident wasn’t traumatizing for the girl enough, wow! The next attempt what if he actually succeeds in rapxing the girl? Then what ?
ReplyDeleteBy touching her , he’s already abused her !
Madam, you’re your daughter’s savior now , TAKE DRASTIC ACTION! Damn your husband, move the boy OUT! He can kill you and your daughter! The next attempt he will definitely rape your daughter! Your daughter was bold enough to report him to you guys and you’re forcing her to live with her abuser ? This actually makes me sick !
Also your husband must / is an abuser himself to even say this , ha
Kai poster why are you dulling like this na. You confronted him and he didn't deny, what evidence do you and your husband want again. If I were you, that idiot nwa boi won't spend another night in my house. The mere thought of it sef...
ReplyDeleteWhat happens when he closes her mouth, overpowers her and rapes her?
ReplyDeleteYou want her to scream afterwards?
Your husband has not yet admitted what that boy is holding over his head.
The inclination of a father is to protect his child against perceived and actual threat: this is both and you and your husband have done nothing.
When he introduces her to the involuntary 'pleasures' of sex, I hope you will be able to live with it, because SHE WILL NOT SPEAK OUT!!!!!!
Which evidence are you people waiting for? You guys want him to finish doing the do before una go act abi? I just pity the little girl.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a wise woman. How can someone confess that grevious act to you and you kept quite without shouting to create a scene. Who will believe a mother treated this wickedness with kid glove's and here to seek advice . Dey play.
ReplyDeleteThings on my mind.
The boi did not confess to you.
You are tied of the boi in your house
That boi parents will have helped your husband or his family in the past.
There is no bound between you and your husband hence him.not taking your words serious.
When it comes to relatives especially those from husband people. Trade with caution. Always have an evidence Incase of tomorrow. They easilly forget the good you did to them and hardly forget the wrong you did.
Convince your husband to rent a small room for him.
Buy small home appliances for him from your own money. Don't just send him away if you don't have evidence. Molestation is a strong allegations that husband people doesn't forget in a hurry.
Poster please send that boy away.i am telling you his next move will be to rape your daughter.send him out immediately.or go spiritual on him
ReplyDeleteSpiritual? Jesus wept!!.
DeleteParents are not this lucky, I work in a sexual violence department and 1,2,3,4 etc years are raped, by neighbors, houseboy/girls, those children are not always this lucky. That boy will rape your child, kia ma'am, why still keep him, are you not scared? You even have a child that open up immediately. If that child is raped I won't forgive you. Chia Jesus. I have seen a lot and heard a lot and I know your daughter is in big danger. Oh!!! God, feel like taking her away from that House. You say relative? Until when he makes blood gush out from your daughter vagina. Pursue that guy out of that house immediately
ReplyDeleteYou and your husband seem to be disregarding the lasting impact of abuse, as you're hesitating to take action until your daughter experiences it again. It feels like you're treating this situation like it's just a movie, with no regard for the seriousness of the matter. It's concerning that you're allowing relatives to influence your decision-making when your daughter's safety is at stake. As a mother, I couldn't imagine waiting a moment to remove my child from danger. It's heartbreaking to think about the 12-year-old girl who's surrounded by people who aren't prioritizing her well-being. It's essential to act swiftly and decisively to protect your daughter, rather than waiting to be told what to do. I can sense your deep distress, and it's crucial to address this situation urgently.
ReplyDeleteMadam don't go investigate your husband's business. If you find out what you shouldn't see na you know.
ReplyDeleteEnough advice has been given to you here to present to your husband on getting him out peacefully.
I’m truly sorry to hear about this distressing situation, even though I understand your husband's position. It’s important to prioritise the safety and well-being of your daughter above all else. As a mother, this is how I would handle the situation if I were in your position.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would ensure my daughter’s immediate safety by creating a secure environment for her. This may involve changing the sleeping arrangements to ensure she is not left alone or in the same room with the individual in question. Next, I would have a serious discussion with my husband about the gravity of the situation he seems to be treating lightly, and the potential harm to our daughter, even though I understand the reasoning behind his suggestion. It’s crucial that we both agree on the need to protect her. I would suggest exploring alternative living arrangements for the individual, especially since he is trying to establish his business and may benefit from a more independent living situation.
Above all, should there be a repeat of any inappropriate behaviour, it should be reported to the appropriate authorities immediately while still trying to agree on a way forward. Your daughter’s safety and mental health are paramount. It’s essential to take actions that reinforce her sense of security and trust in the home environment you have created as a family without an intruder. Please consider these steps carefully and take the necessary actions to protect your daughter if your husband remains reluctant.
Madam, protect your daughter. Don't let her suffer rape under your watch. If anything happens the so called family will beg to settle it as family matter but life long damage has been done to your daughter.
ReplyDeleteMy sister u don't joke with such thing. .its better your in-laws call u names that sacrifice your daughter's well being for them.
A word is enough for the wise. Save your daughter
Madam wait o someone molested your daughter because he is a relative you and your husband left him ,like are you serious wait o what happens to your husband giving him money to move out ,how will he even be an independent man when you re spoon feeding and accommodating him.
ReplyDeleteComing to your daughter like your beautiful,naive underage girl was molested by someone you re accommodating and feeding you guys looked him in the eyes and still kept him in your house .
You ve already failed her but you didn't know , so if it's outside you can't defend and stand for her since the one that happened under nose you re doing my husband said.
You know sabi o because of na me you see that relative my husband must produce money for his rent and he is leaving the next day what rubbish,like how re you comfortable with him in that house ,do you know your girl be scared in that house.
Chaii may I not fail my child with this nonsense you and your husband just condoned, you chose an outsider over your own daughter mtchew
Madam your husband does not love you and most importantly he does not love your daughter. Worse still he has indirectly told the boi that he won't protect his daughter from predators. For that pedophile boi to be so bold as to even look at a 12 year old talk less of touch her speaks volumes. Men like that escalate and I am sorry to say that rape is next. You need to take matters into your own hands and insist your daughter sleeps in the room with you. Make a show of never leaving her alone with any man. Make life uncomfortable for the boi. If he eats in your house refuse him food. Do you want to wait until he rapes her and gives her belle??? He is already assaulting her and you have broken her trust by not protecting her.
ReplyDeleteI wish your husband will listen to you and make this boy leave. motherly instincts are almost always right
ReplyDeleteIt seems you were not a victim of molestation. He might have done more already and she only noticed this one. Remove him immediately! Some of us were not bold enough to tell our parents. The effect is still there even after 50. You have a chance, do not ask permission, take action. Stand your ground! I have the most respect for the wife that brought tat prominent Lagos doctor down. He raped her young niece. She could have been silent and sent her home so she doesn’t destroy her marriage but she did the right thing. Do the right thing!
ReplyDeleteHe already admitted to touching her inappropriately, what evidence do you guys need. Your husband eyes will open by the time he rapes her and runaway, relative my foot!
ReplyDeleteYou both don't really care about the safety of your daughter. You are thinking of what people will say when it comes to the well being of your own child? Who cares?
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad to read honestly.
Please provide your address or details to Stella. That child needs to be taken away from you and your husband before you destroy her with your wickedness and selfishness. I wish you guys were in the US, CPS will compel SDK to dis lose your name and rescue this girl but if you are in Lagos, I just need a clue to get the powers that be to go arrest the boy and your husband. How does a mom even make this a chronicle when the boy may have already started moldering your daughter? You betrayed her. Tomorrow some will say “the mom is the most important person in one’s life” forgetting there are many selfish moms.
ReplyDeleteEvidence ke? What if he overpowers her and have his way with her?
ReplyDeleteExcept the woman is lying. I don't think the daughter has any ulterior motive that would make her lie against the dude in question.
Please poster should do whatever she can to protect her daughter or even set him up. Maybe leave the daughter at home with him and pretend to go out, cos that's the only reasonable way i can think of that they can get evidence.