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STIFF CONDITIONS BEFORE MARRIAGE

Dear Stella,
 I have been one of your ardent readers since 2014.
Please I have a situation right now that I would like your BVs to share their experience with me.
I am a 35years old lady, single and looking forward to settling down at God's own time. I started a business last November that is now picking up gradually.
Recently I met someone on a dating app who is 40years old, from Benin(Edo state) and resides abroad. We talked for a few days on the app before we moved to whatsapp. The young man works and he visits home regularly, say every quarter, according to him.

From the day we started talking he began to express his interest in getting married. And just two days ago he asked me to marry him during our video chat. It felt too sudden to me but I told him that I can't give him a straight answer yet, I need to pray and also make a few consultations. By the way, I am Igbo from Anambra state.

In the course of our conversations regarding our beliefs, traditions and how to run the family, here are some of the issues raised that I am very concerned about and I need to hear other people's opinion and experience about the same.

1. As a new bride in the family, according to their tradition I would be welcomed by kneeling and crawling from their compound gate to the house, then the elders would wash my legs with FANTA to welcome me and I would serve them food. Afterwards, I would be taken to the inner chamber of their house where I will take an oath before this ROD(represents something in their family) to never cheat on their son as long as I am married to him, if I ever do, I will die instantly. If i try to kill him via any means it would be revealed to him and that deity will always give him justice. Whenever he says these things I see him being so proud of it. He says that no one divorces in their family and they do not accept returned bride price. Now, I am a Christian and a real one, I feel like this is me giving myself over to an idol. I strongly believe in the traditional and church wedding and the exchange of vows should be enough. He is a Christian too but I guess his faith isn't deep because he says that everyone married into his family does this thing, pastors, deacons name it.

2. He plans to fully relocate back to Nigeria in the next 5years, however, he intends to make a major investment in his state which according to him, he wants me to oversee while he visits from time to time. what this means is that I will relocate from my current base to his state. First, I am of the opinion that we should live together after our wedding, especially the first 5years. I gave him the options of moving fully back to Nigeria immediately after our wedding or relocating me to his base and whenever he is ready to move back we will do so together. I don't want to be left alone in another state where I know no one and venturing into a business that I have no idea of how to run. what about my own business? what about bonding with him? and trying to conceive as my reproductive window is thinning out.

3. Finally, He said that I MUST be the one to do his laundries. Not a dry cleaner, house keeper, nor him but ME. There will be washing machine, however, I will do the ironing. I am unhappy that he is mandating me to do his laundries, I don't do my own laundry right now as a single lady, I have a washwoman who comes in every two weeks to do it. Don't get me wrong, it wouldn't take me anything to throw in a couple of clothes into the washing machine which I believe its something that anyone of us could do as partners. why making it my sole RESPONSIBILITY?. He also said that I will be the only one to clean the master bedroom, he doesn't want anyone to come in uninvited for any reason, its just going to be OUR room, sounds very weird to me. Finally, he does not eat stale food. Anything he would eat must be freshly prepared. so why do we have the refrigerator? I am the type that cook for a whole week or two, I don't like to spend my time in the kitchen. How can i be productive in other things if i am always going to be making fresh food everyday? when the kids come, can I keep up with the same energy?

Besides the 3 challenges raised here, we have had other issues which we discussed and agreed on a meeting point favorable to all, however, the above are still pending. He sounds very serious and said that if i said YES to him, we would start the courtship proper and he will come back this DEC to get married.

My response has been that what he is asking of me is a huge commitment which I need to think through, make my consultations and most importantly pray and hear from God.
Beloved BVs, especially those from BENIN/EDO state, please can you shed more light on the No.1 above. what is this tradition about?. who has had a similar situation and what did you do? Are you in a similar situation in your marriage, how are you making it work?
I look forward to your wise counsel. I will be in the comment section to respond to further questions.
God bless you.
Thank you Stella for this opportunity.

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN........This would be a Marriage that would be dead on arrival...How can you agree to thse terms?All his conditions are a NO NO NO. do not be so desparate to marry and agree to this nonsense up there....Walk away, SAY NO!!!!!

And please do not agree to any oath that will bind you spiritually...If you are not making him go through any oath not to cheat, he should not force you to go thru any......HE WILL DEFINITELY CHEAT, people from that side of Naiaj are never satisfied with one woman and when you walk away they never release you from the bondage so that you will not go with another man!!!