UNSERIOUS BOYFRIEND
I am dating a guy who avoids serious conversations. He always wants to joke and play on calls and when we see, if he is not joking and being unserious, he is asking me questions about love, questions like "how much I love him, how far am I willing to go with him, how he plans to spoil me silly when he starts making big money, telling me how much he loves and adores me and how he never wants to lose me e.t.c...
I am dating a guy who avoids serious conversations. He always wants to joke and play on calls and when we see, if he is not joking and being unserious, he is asking me questions about love, questions like "how much I love him, how far am I willing to go with him, how he plans to spoil me silly when he starts making big money, telling me how much he loves and adores me and how he never wants to lose me e.t.c...
I bring up questions regarding his passions, goals, dreams and so on but before you know it he diverts the conversation to what he is best at discussing "love and jokes".
I am a sucker for serious, intelligent, meaningful and insightful conversations, maybe I should bid him farewell.
I am a sucker for serious, intelligent, meaningful and insightful conversations, maybe I should bid him farewell.
He is 33 and I am 28....
If he does not want to discuss anything with you, then he definitely has something to hide...Please detach from him emotionally and do not engage in premarital ish with him....You dont need to bid him farewell cos if you do, you will not find closure....
Continue to bombard him with questions, he will start to avoid you
Some men don't like structured recruiting interview type discussions.
ReplyDeleteIs he employed or running a business? Present general work or business related issues and listen to him. Chip in some personalized questions as it flows. Use same method for life principles and values.
If you start with tell me where you see yourself in ... time, some men done go.
If you are not satisfied with extracting the juice from him by long carefully planned discussions, move. Stella's suggestion to hang around is typically womanish. Staying on until you find better hasn't told well of women generally. A man moves quick from a relationship without benefits.
Whatever you experience in a relationship, you’d experience double of in marriage. Communication is the foundation of a stable relationship, what happens when the questions now involve children and a timeline?
DeleteThink well and hard.
Push up (original)
That can is not ready dump him fast. Could remember when i was dating my husband back then,when he 1st asked me to marry him,I sat him down then asked for his plans of the future. His 1st 5yrs plan,10yrs and if children enters wht would it be. Then he was leaving with 4 other guys in an apartment. 1st i told him was to get his own place,then look for a better paying job and his plans. He went back evaluated his life,started putting everything in place. Came back 6months later to re propose and i accepted, because he had already started putting things in place. And today,we've been married for over 18yrs and hr has surpassed all the goals he made for himself acknowledge then,with new goals added. So marry or friend a guy or woman with vision.
DeleteI hope Stella post my comment.
DeleteMy dear RUN OHHHH! This was exactly how my husband used to behave when we were dating but I didn't understand that it was a red flag. See ehn, people like that usually have no single plans for their lives that's why he doesn't want to have such conversations. They live in the moment. So he doesn't have anything to tell you about his plans or goals. And seeing that you're a goal-getter you guys will always have issues. Infact, he will begin to feel like you are disturbing him anytime you want to have a serious conversation.
It is very frustrating, Trust me.
Now, I just make own plans and try to achieve my goals alone. It is a very lonely experience but I've accepted my fate. You don't want to be in that situation
I think the thing that attracted you to him initially was his high sense of humor personality. Now he feels he can still keep you interested using this method.
ReplyDeleteHave a serious talk with him. Make him understand that you have grown from that and want to have more meaningful discussions with him now. If he still won't change, then start friendzoning him gradually.
If he truly loves you like he said, and doesn't want to lose you; then he'd man up and become more intentional with your relationship.
Any man above 25 that can clearly articulate the kind of future and life he plans to have is a man heading to nowhere fast! I mean at that age a man should already be fully engaged in pursuit of vision within a measurable timescale.
ReplyDeleteI think the things of life and destiny are too serious to be left to chance and planlessness. OP, a man should lead with insight and vision. Any man that can't do that is not a man you want to date.
You never see man wey get big plans for mouth until you realise you have been fooled and some will have plans that never come to fruition , poster better have her own plans for the future or marry a man who is already living the plans you adore else she may be disappointed if she relies on a man's supposed plan for the future.
Deletejust don't take this guy serious, do not give him all your attention for now till he prove otherwise.
ReplyDeleteGuess he has a job?? How serious does he takes his job?? If he takes his job or business serious, maybe he doesn't want to share his goals and dream with you or rather he has none.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get to a serious conversation and he begins to play or joke like you said, get serious and tell him that you want him to get serious. Then when it's time for play, you play.
Before you bid farewell, give him enough time to prove himself maybe he will change. I won't tell you to stay or leave, you already know what you want. The decision is in your hand.
Na wa.
ReplyDeleteMy own relationship Na serious matters day. Do we even do this?
Not often sha.
But I like it that way.
Go for who aligns with you
Guess he has a job?? How serious does he takes his job?? If he takes his job or business serious, maybe he doesn't want to share his goals and dream with you or rather he has none.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get to a serious conversation and he begins to play or joke like you said, get serious and tell him that you want him to get serious. Then when it's time for play, you play.
Before you bid him farewell, give him enough time to prove himself maybe he will change. I won't tell you to stay or leave, you already know what you want. The decision is in your hand.
A serious minded person cannot meld with a happy go lucky person. While his personality may help in high stressed situation to diffuse tension, long term it can be annoying.
ReplyDeleteFind your fit and find peace.
That guy is so manipulative, please keep your eye’s open and your heart shut. He is not into you.
ReplyDeleteThis! I could be wrong, but I think he sees you more as a placeholder poster. Like Stella said, if you keep peppering him with serious questions and refuse s*x or making out, he will just japa! But if he doesn't japa, it just may mean that he doesn't know how to communicate with you, and this is something he can learn to do gradually.
DeleteSome people are quite undateble. Zero communication skills, casually unkind, irritably uncultured, surprisingly undependable and never consistent. It is how they claim they want a future with someone but never curious about the person. Just tatatata(sex) and cruise. Sincerely, after a certain age being a bad partner is just embarrassing. Imagine a 33yr old man acting nonchalantly? Like no introspection, no growth. Just basking in deluded patriarchal mentality. He's the prize right??? Mtsheeeeeew.
ReplyDeleteBabe, whether it's subtle hints or outright indifference, I believe the signs are there for you to pick up on. Like it is virally known, there's a way a person will treat you and you will realize you're never in their future. Most times, they won't explicitly spell it out for you. So, it is up to you and your level of self-awareness and maybe a little pinch of shame, to do that for yourself. Some people are just in your life to teach you things should never settle for. Nothing more, nothing less. Not everyone is meant to stay, some are meant to teach. Ire o!!!
👏🏾👏🏾Yass! You definitely hit the nail on the head.
DeleteSpot on 🤩🤩🤩😍🥰
DeleteYou're on the right track beautiful.
ReplyDeleteDoes all these solve anything that is why I like born gain christian ,you pray ,God answer ,you confirmed and you marry ,God never make mistakes ,23 yrs and still counting,think you lord
ReplyDeleteThank you lord
ReplyDeleteSome People think I can’t be serious
ReplyDeleteI laugh even during serious times even at funerals I’ll see something funny and try hard not to laugh
If you want to have a serious conversation text him and say babe let’s meet on so day to discuss one or two matters. Lay the ground that this is serious stuff. Then see how he behaves
But did you read where the poster stated that anytime she brings up a serious topic it is ignored and goes back to jokes. Is she dating an adult or Peter Pan? Maybe this dude is a reverse Pinocchio🤷🏽♀️
DeleteYou both have different personalities. Do not friend zone him to make him serious. If he really likes you and you are evidently progressive, he may switch only for the purpose of getting married to you. Then, change to his true self (which you don't like) later.
ReplyDeleteThere are serious men suited to you. Unfortunately, serious women like don't want them. You want playful serious men. Those ones are harder to find o.
Exactly!. Why be battling to change a grown man. It hardly ever works and you will cry tears of blood in the process 😭
DeleteMaybe he is frank Spencer
ReplyDeleteMadam poster my advice to you is that leave that guy and look for a guy that align with your visions because the way your conversation with him is going you live to regret the days of your life.
ReplyDeleteHe has so much he is hiding.
ReplyDeleteI like Stella's advice. Keep asking him
This is exactly how my children's father used to behave, I ignored it, now looks at me, a single mum. He doesn't have ambition/drive. Please it won't end well. Let him go
ReplyDeleteHe doesn’t have ambition or drive
DeleteDrop him like a hot rag