SAD
I can't really explain how I feel, happy in a way but deep down I am enveloped by a kind of sad guilt.
So it happens that I was given some days to round off a fieldwork, but I was done a day before and decided to go from my fieldwork to my parents place since we live in different parts of the same city.
I decided to spend the free day with them.
After dinner in the cause of our gist that night, my mom informed me that one of my cousins from her side is getting married. She narrated how this my cousin's parents fought their family to make sure they didn’t scare his potential son in law away with a demanding bride list.
He got his way, so their daughter will be getting married April ending. And she went ahead to get me the wedding invite they sent someone to deliver to her and my Dad a day before.
I noticed they were impressed by how well this said cousin had re-established her life and turning out well from her old self, since she got into this relationship that is now becoming marriage.
The gist was that this cousin of mine was the family blackship, always in the news for the wrong reasons. As the only girl her parents (her father is my mom's youngest brother) were not honestly proud of her. Until about 2 plus years ago, when she started dating this man.
The gist was that this cousin of mine was the family blackship, always in the news for the wrong reasons. As the only girl her parents (her father is my mom's youngest brother) were not honestly proud of her. Until about 2 plus years ago, when she started dating this man.
Ever since she has become a better person.
We are not close but age-mates and reside in different states miles apart.
Initially was genuinely happy for she found grace to rebound her life but all that disappeared the minute my mom came back with the wedding I.V. - he was my ex.
My Dad noticed the change in my counternance and inquired to know why. I told them he was my ex, and a very good man. So they asked if he was that good why did I let him go and after my narration, they like me, realized I said nothing but good things about this man for the almost 35mins I spent talking about our time together.
I had to cut short my stay and return to my place the next morning.
I have had a retrospect of this ex in the past and in all honesty I was the problem. I over judged the red flags I noticed while ignoring his green flags. In my anger I had blocked and deleted his numbers and didn’t want anything to do with him at that time.
I have had a retrospect of this ex in the past and in all honesty I was the problem. I over judged the red flags I noticed while ignoring his green flags. In my anger I had blocked and deleted his numbers and didn’t want anything to do with him at that time.
I have had two relationshipa since then but he was the standard, so none matched up. I have been reminiscing again, since I got back home and it my affected me working well in the office.
He was very positively impactful in my life during our time together. So I would'nt have been surprised at how he had remodelled my cousin's life. He is such a man. Here I am happy for my cousin and sad as well, that my pride got in the way of holding onto a good man.
He was my relationship. I don’t know how soon I will snap out of this but I am emotionally sad for a relationship that ended 3yrs ago.
Awwwwww, i am so sorry that you feel this way but please snap out of it and behappy that at least your cousin is in good hands..Since you say you were the problem, take time to work on yourself and pray that you meet a good man soon.
I suggest also that you look for an excuse and not attend the wedding....
I can imagine his shock when he will find out that he married his exs cousin.
What will be will be. He wasn’t meant to be yours.
ReplyDeleteAll what you feel now are normal feelings and no, you are not a bad person.
Yours will come and when he does, you’ll bless the day you met him.
Sluttychic.
This is just the truth
DeleteThere’s no way your ex will marry and you won’t wonder especially if he wasn’t a criminal but had red flags. Your mind will start wondering if it was okay
Same when you reject a bad job or quit a bad job and can’t find one for a while
That’s just normal
Take this advice babe
DeleteMy love for slutty chic is like copied assignment. Babe too sweet
DeleteExactly poster, I know you feel like you will never find anyone like this your ex again but the truth is that there are a hundred and one good guys out there, just make sure you continue to walk in the renewed path you've chosen and yours will come.
DeleteYou made a poor judgment but even our God is a God of second and multiple chances.
It might not be poor judgment
DeleteJust a case of second guessing
Poster, if you don't attend the wedding, it shows thar your mindset and attitude is still messed up with envy, jealousy and pessimism that ended your relationship with that guy.
DeleteWhy do people regret when they see their ex- getting married or married to another person? Is it that they believe nothing good can happen to them? Let's always weigh the good sides not just the flaws we see in others, because no one is perfect. If the good sides outweighs the bad sides and if the bad sides can be worked on ,please don't be quick to dump them, because sometimes we feel the grass is greener at the other side and in the real sense it might not be. And if the red flag outweighs the good sides please don't look back because you think you won't get a better person.
ReplyDeletePoster don't be hard on yourself, be happy that your cousin is in safe hands as Stella rightly said. Work on yourself and I pray God grant you a man after his heart.
It’s cause they are just human
DeleteInteresting that your cousin for all her flaws saw his goodness in him when you who lacked her flaws didn’t. Life is really mysterious. I am glad you and this cousin are not close, as it would complicate their life. Hopefully, what you have learned through this experience will allow you to be more humble so you can see the goodness in others.
ReplyDeleteAll the lessons we learn are there to help us to be better individuals. So take the lesson for what it is, a chance to grow and be better.
I agree!
DeleteIt is like good things is happening to people on sdk ,they are some accepting their mistakes not like before when everybody is a saint but the other fellow is the demon .Just move on and let that be a lesson for all --be honest to yourself and judge others with the same scale you used for yourself .God is on the throne.
ReplyDeleteThey are just telling us what we want to hear
DeleteDoh
ReplyDeleteHe wasn't yours for keeps! Please Keep it moving
Gifty
Poster take heart okay, he isn't yours and i believe if you work on yourself you will get what's yours without stress! Be happy for your cousin, such is life!
ReplyDeleteThe man seem to be an angel sent to your family. You're a good person for you to admit you were wrong but sometimes we pass through some experiences to gather experiences that will help us lead a better life. Be careful that you don't also miss a good man in the process of over screening , have it in mind also that there is no perfect man so choose the one with the red flags you can live with. While waiting, work on yourself by improving on your thought process, skills and whatever needs to be improved on. Cheers darling
ReplyDeleteFantastic comment 🙌🏽
Delete👍
DeleteObirin.. Obirin...
ReplyDeleteEhugs to you dear. We have one way or the other made mistakes from our younger years but this is not enough to beat yourself...We grow and mature differently...You will keep hurting yourself if you keep reminiscing and regurgitating over what is gone...
ReplyDeleteWater has passed over the bridge and it is time to sail and move on...Count it as joy that he has joined your family as an in-law...Pray against the spirit of envy and jealousy; and don't abhor any bad feelings...Your cousin is now a new person so don't be tempted to see her as a once black sheep...
Attend the wedding and rejoice with her genuinely; you own your man will come and you will be glad you did...Just maintain your position as a relative and nothing more....
All the best and Cheer up! All is well
Just take Stella's advice abeg. She mirrored my thoughts. I wish you the very best.
ReplyDeleteNne go and settle your ndi - otu, So that you won't use your hands to chase away a good man next time.Udo
ReplyDeletesomething similar happened to me but the guy is a beast,the day he got angry with me i was really scared for my life cuz of the threat he made.he showed me all the scares on his body gotten from his days in cult and warned me never to dare him again.he got married february and anytime i see him and his wife i wonder how she managed to get married to such a person
ReplyDeleteSorry but this comment made me laugh.
DeleteSo because he was your ex he shouldn't get married because you broke up with him?? Why are you sad???
ReplyDeleteMy friend regretted saying no to a guy she was literally repulsed by. I talked talked but she couldn’t shake the funky feeling when he got married. She couldn’t even stand this guy
ReplyDeleteOmg just life. She’s married to someone else now.
Oh dear. Please take it easy on your self.
ReplyDeleteThank God you are not so close. If you can go please do and be sincerely happy for her. If not just stay away so as not to feel awkward that day. Cheers.
...MadeNew...
My neighbors make me laugh.
ReplyDeleteAs a neighbor if you want to date a man, they will follow the man and give him condition that before he talks to you he will first attend to their need. And the so called man you are yet to know will follow their instructions and give you , I mean the lady his own condition.
Not like you know the neigbours or the so called man know them too.
" Area boys abi agbero style" relationship.
To make the situation worse, they all lack understanding.
Be genuinely happy for them and stay away from the man, God will bless you with yours
ReplyDeleteIt's well dear poster 🫂
ReplyDeleteGod will connect you to your own man
I quite understand how you feel, some of us have make mistake once or twice in our life. Be happy for them and pray to God for your own man to come. Life is not too hard my dear .
ReplyDeleteI quite understand how you feel, some of us have make mistake once or twice in our life. Be happy for them and pray to God for your own man to come. Life is not too hard my dear .
ReplyDeleteYour feelings is normal especially because you are not marr, if you were to be married but now or have a better man you will not feel this way. You ended the relationship long time ago but still feels bad that your ex has moved on.
ReplyDeleteYou need yo accept reality, accept your situation and work on yourself. Pray hard so that God will make everything sift for you. You will be alright very soon.
Falling in love or holding on for love isn't a mistake or crime. The regret is when you are being led on for long at the end you find out it's all deceit.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to be in a relationship be there for good, and when it is not working out you let the other know.
The poster got carried away ignored the green light while checking the red flags.
Aww poster. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteWell, things happen for a reason. As a human, you will want to think and count back to what would have been. Go through that but don’t dwell on it. Move on with your life. You will find your own.
*Hugs*
Poster, I will advise that you don't go for the wedding because you're human. You will feel sad if you attend no matter how hard you try to make yourself happy because you will have that feelings that it would've been you. It's well with you. God will give you yours tbat will cherish you.
ReplyDeleteThere are those you will lose you won't feel bad about it especially when they don't add any value than to give you pain. You will even get tired of it before it happens.
ReplyDeleteThe one that makes you happy is the one you wouldn't like to miss not even a moment without him.
So you think you will never find another good man? Na wa o
ReplyDeleteYou're also a good person. 1. You didn't tarnish his image all in the name of spite. 2 you admitted you were the one at fault. I'm sure your own good man would come too. I also learnt something from this chronicle. I would start focusing more on the good than the bad
ReplyDeleteAwnnnnn 🤗🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up again.
In life, at some point we get to be the sign board for others. Your testimony about him will get to your cousin and it will put her heart at peace concerning the man. Your name will not even be mentioned, don't worry.
Secondly, don't because of this, bring on anyone simply because you felt you weren't critical and patient enough with this one.
You have a sincere heart, and may the good you desire come to you.
All the best.
Poster as has been said, he wasn't meant to be with you. Let me tell you simply how you know you have found your person. Both of you will not want to be without each other, flaws and all. Subtly you both know you want to be together for the long haul and there is no bailing out. So don't sweat it. Don't feel you were wrong necessarily about what you considered as red flags. Things are working out with your cousin and him because those flags may not exist for her, or may be low down her red flag check list, if she even has one. For you, if you had both married, those things could have come up to cause problems in your relationship. So no need to be sad. Just believe everything happened for your good.
ReplyDeleteWhen we are young, we tend to view life in a certain way. Like the buyer that churned the seller in the first shop at mile 12 market thinking that s/he will get a better deal in the middle of the market only to discover that s/he has missed the best deal.
ReplyDeleteYou are 3 years older now, have acquired more experience based on several relationships. Your priorities have changed. What you used to call red flags may now be viewed as manageable and you definitely have better understanding of yourself.
Be kind to yourself, all past decisions were taken based on the information you had at the time.
This should fuel your belief that there 're good men out there, people that come into your life to cause improvement.
Resist the temptation to regret missed opportunity, rather pray the lord to open your eyes to present "open doors"
Bless them if you can (your cousin), that's a seed for the future. The Lord who sees your good heart will reward you with a good relationship when the time is right. In the meantime busy yourself with learning what it will take to build/maintain your home when the man finds you.
PCX
Let's not overlook the fact that Poster has been drooling over her 3yrs old Ex, from her post we all can see that he was a good man and she admitted his faults and most importantly hers. My advise is that she should let him go and move on; for her sake and that of his new family. atleast, his changing her cousins life is a testimony.
ReplyDeleteGoodluck.