HOPING TO MARRY BUT MEETING THE WRONG ONES
Dear Stella
I have been hoping to God for a relationship that will lead to marriage. I am a lady in my early 30s with a good job.
The issue now is I met a guy online, his name is Dare. According to the information he gave me, he is a pastor's son. He gisted me on how he slept with his ex who is a newly married woman and how he disliked a lady who has tattoos. We have not met physically.
Although I believe no man is perfect. I want a guy who shares the same Christian values as me. I don't believe in pre-marital s#x but from Dare's gist with me, I am not sure he believes in the principle of no s#x in a relationship.
In My first relationship, my ex-boyfriend said he agreed with my belief.
One fateful day I went to greet him. He turn on the generator that he was feeling heat only for him to r#pe and deflowered me forcefully. I ended the relationship immediately.
I have been hoping to God for a relationship that will lead to marriage. I am a lady in my early 30s with a good job.
The issue now is I met a guy online, his name is Dare. According to the information he gave me, he is a pastor's son. He gisted me on how he slept with his ex who is a newly married woman and how he disliked a lady who has tattoos. We have not met physically.
Although I believe no man is perfect. I want a guy who shares the same Christian values as me. I don't believe in pre-marital s#x but from Dare's gist with me, I am not sure he believes in the principle of no s#x in a relationship.
In My first relationship, my ex-boyfriend said he agreed with my belief.
One fateful day I went to greet him. He turn on the generator that he was feeling heat only for him to r#pe and deflowered me forcefully. I ended the relationship immediately.
I am scared to enter a relationship with Dare because I don't want history to repeat itself.
Should I be telling guys from the onset that I don't want s#x before marriage or I should enter the relationship before dishing out my instructions?
How can I prevent possible r#pe in a subsequent relationship? My sister said I shouldn't visit guys indoors as a result of the r#pe saga but some guys will say they cant be outdoors every time.
I couldn't tell anyone apart from my elder sister what my ex did to me because they would ask me why I visited him in his house but I thought we were on the same page that's why I visited him.
Dare does not seem to share my values and my church brothers are not even looking at my side. What do I do?
Should I be telling guys from the onset that I don't want s#x before marriage or I should enter the relationship before dishing out my instructions?
How can I prevent possible r#pe in a subsequent relationship? My sister said I shouldn't visit guys indoors as a result of the r#pe saga but some guys will say they cant be outdoors every time.
I couldn't tell anyone apart from my elder sister what my ex did to me because they would ask me why I visited him in his house but I thought we were on the same page that's why I visited him.
Dare does not seem to share my values and my church brothers are not even looking at my side. What do I do?
*This is not rocket science please...Tell him again your stand and do not visit him at home or in any closed environment.....
When you meet a guy,wait for the right time ti tell him that you do not like premarital s#x and dont let your words and actions clash....Yes some ladies lead men on with other things but use words to say they dont want.....
Is s#x all there is to discuss in a relationship?
If this Dare is already showing s#x redflags, break it off at once!!!
A guy who kisses and tells in this Dare’s case… telling you he slept with his married ex is a huge red flag. That isn’t something to wear a badge about. I’d say don’t date him at all.
ReplyDeleteIf your church guys are decent , why are they not all looking at your side? Hope you always wear a smile, people are attracted to those who smile more, ,have a sense of humour, clean and smell well. On your birthdays you can share drinks to some of your members and be generally lively also Try to be nice to ladies too because some ladies can introduce you to a serious partner.
DeleteWait ooo... Dare is a pastor's son, and he boasted to you that he slept with his ex, who is newly married. Are the red flags not obvious? Please, we don't want a follow-up chronicle on how he lured you, had sex with you, and boasted about it with his friends. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteUhhm very thick red flag but our sister hasn't seen that as a flag uhhm
DeleteMy dear as Dare is a Pastor Son
DeleteShe won't see the Red and green Flag ooo.
Come RCCG Eligible bachelors dey there o..
Yes oo😁😁😁
Hope you reported that ex who raped you, such a person shouldn't be allowed to walk free.
DeleteWhy should he be telling you he slept with his ex, who is newly married? He sounds like a red flag abeg.
ReplyDeleteDare slept with his ex after he marriage or before?
ReplyDeleteMy sister, as I see Dare, no follow am enter house ooh
ReplyDeleteSerious matter.
ReplyDeleteMake I read comments jor.😎
My dear, if you have moral standards, you won't need our advice. How can you date someone that slept with a "married woman". Don't be desperate. You've waited this long, please look elsewhere and don't rush into a relationship that is dead on arrival. Again, if you're on online dating. Talk to at least 3 guys at the same time for a month before agreeing to meet at a restaurant with the one you feel tick your boxes. Don't rush to meet. Talk with them for like a month or more to get to know them first. Don't rush into relationship.
ReplyDeleteGuys that talk anyhow hmmmm.
ReplyDeletePoster Me I no see why this one should be a major concern...You no like wetin you hate so why do you want to pitch your tent on this Dare guy...Do you have high affinity for bad boys? Do you want some baddie with a lirru sprinkle of spirikoko? I really don't get it....
ReplyDeleteSince this Dare na real omokomo, then leave him be...Abi you wan preach to am to convert to no sex before marriage so that he can fit the other ideas you have of him....
Madam 2nd base abeg...If you no wan chop the food, then don't smell it....
Shikena.....
Atimes I wonder whether we are christians or Muslims because both forbids premarital sex and it is obvious that majority of youth are into it so who are we deceiving .
ReplyDeleteMy dear, it is only christains that would openly tell you they dnt agree wt a particular provision in the bible. On one hand they would tell u they agree bible is the word of God, and on the other hand they would tell u straight up without mincing words that they can never marry a guy without ‘testing’ his sexual prowess. Worst is they encourage each other to openly have kids if marriage isn’t forthcoming. It truly baffles me.
DeleteDare doesn't seems like a likeable character though. Who goes around telling people about his sexcapades with a married ex? I want to assume you're not the only one that knows about that story. If he can let it out to you, I won't be surprised if the whole community knows about it too.
ReplyDeleteYou can adopt the system of telling your talking stage about your belief on sex. Trust me, It will really help in pruning the wrong people that want to take advantage of your vulnerability at the early stage. At least,you won't catch unnecessary feelings.
Babe, trust me, your person will locate you. Don't sway on your belief. It will happen very soon.
Dare is NOT a potential boyfriend. The RED flag is reding. please abort mission.
ReplyDeleteYou are so naive OP. I can tell you don't go out much and you have limited exposure to men. That Dare you are seeing will be the worst thing that will ever happen to you. That he slept with a married woman is not even a flag for you? And then you think pre-marital sex is where you draw the line? Are you serious?
ReplyDeleteWhat the f---k is sex anyways? What's the big deal about when it happens? I have nothing against your stand on that matter but i think you should broaden your mentality more. You sound too green and you will be taken advantage of.
You have a lot of personal development you need to do. Marriage shouldn't be what is on your mind now.
I think you build a relationship from friendship. It's a kinda turn off when a man approaches a lady he is yet to know with s"x talk.
ReplyDeletePoster you don't meet a man and start telling him no s* x before marriage. All men are not the same, there are still responsible men out there. We have heard men that came out and said that they married their wives virgin.
Not all the men you meet that talk about s*x have good intentions and want marriage.
S*x doesn't determines how or where the relationship leads. Some of them when you allow them will take advantage of you and still dump you.
Poster just be yourself, when he gets to that stage, let him know your feeling and show him other qualities that will make him not wanna lose you. Don't be desperate or show him that you are desperate for marriage for him not to use that means to get you.
Then if he is so much interested or really loves you, let him take the lead as a man, do the needful and have you.
Dear poster it clearly shows that this Dare guy doesn't share the same Christian values with you. Remember, 'Two cannot walk together unless they agree' Amos 3:3. Re-trace your steps now to avoid regrets later.
ReplyDeleteKeep trusting God and be well positioned, the man for you will come
Well-done Motherhood poster, Nice write up.The Sun is sunning oooooo
ReplyDeleteBe very careful of online dating, most of them are big scams, all they want is hookup or fling.
ReplyDeleteIf I were you, I won't even meet up with Dare because everything about him screams red flag, who sleeps with a married woman and still has the guts to tell his potential girlfriend? It shows he's s*xually irresponsible.
I left a guy because of this, he would be telling me stories of his s*xcapade without any iota of shame, how he f*cked this and that, how he and his friend always exchanged girls, for his mind, he's a guy and anything goes.
Till now, he always contact me but I don't even bother myself to reply him, and I won't block him because he's not worth it.
This Dare kiss and tell character is a capital NO for me
ReplyDeletePls Poster,go on your knees and pray to God,Dare is" DOA" ,don't even venture,you can still go ahead and let him know the consequences of sleeping around, pls do not have a relationship with him. As Stella and other Bvs adviced,dress well, be approachable and above all trust God,His time is the best,stop worrying, it is well with you.
ReplyDeleteIf you are still willing and ready for No pre-marital sex b4 marriage,pls that guy is a no go area for you,he slept with a married woman,that is disgusting to say ,he even told you,you better run for your dear life,or else history of rape will repeat itself again.
ReplyDeleteWhen you enter any relationship,let him know your stand,no beating around the bush,if he is yours,he will wait till after marriage,don't worry,your kind of person will locate you soon........ Josaria
And that one he reveal is just a tip of the many escapades he has had. They will just come up with just a little of the many atrocities to make you believe that they don't hide their past from you.lol. When you complain, they'll say you are judging them with their past, what about people that has done worse? 😂
DeletePastors children, many of them don't even know God. They just attend service because of their parents . Na even girls they chyk them.
And that one he reveal is just a tip of the many escapades he has had. They will just come up with just a little of the many atrocities to make you believe that they don't hide their past from you.lol. When you complain, they'll say you are judging them with their past, what about people that has done worse? 😂
DeletePastors children, many of them don't even know God. They just attend service because of their parents . Na even girls they chyk them.
You know deep down that Dare is bad for you. He is a very big red flag. A flashing , blinding RED flag. Don't be desperate to settle for someone who doesn't share your values on life .
ReplyDeleteAlso, sorry about the horrible rape experience. You should learn from that trauma and make your stance known to guys from the onset.
You believe in no sex before marriage. There is no shame to that. Stick to it and tell the guys on time.
Forget the lies on social media. A guy who loves you will wait. I waited for my wife for 2 years, and I'm glad I did.
Dare is not a matured guy for hin to tell you all he did with his ex, Dare slept with his newly married ex and you are still considering having something with such a person 😉 😜 🙄 😏 🤔 he will sleep with your sister of chance is given.
ReplyDeleteIs good to define your relationship from da one, do not say something else but will do something with your dress or chat. Make sure your discussions, chat, messages and dressings to show you want a godly relationship.
Trust God to direct you to a good man who will accept your terms and accept, some guys will nit accept no sex toll marriage cos others would have played them. You tell a guy no sex till you get married but you are into hookups, sleeping with someone or falling pregnant when the guy has not touched you. It will be very hard to get a guy who will be loyal to this but you will surely get one if you try to be more patient, take things very easy.
Do not allow Dare to deceive you with sweet words I am a pastor's son, most pastor's children are terrible with life. Just be careful with your online boo.
The moment someone starts talking to you, pray! Pray very well, asking God to reveal what he needs to reveal to you through dreams. I didn't ask you to enquire from any prophet. I said pray!
ReplyDeleteDon't allow fear of lare marriage to push you into marrying someone that will destroy God's main plan for you as a believer. Majority of pastors children are very corrupt. Reason is; their parents leave them in the hands of church perverts to look after them when they were young, while they (pastor and wife ) focused on church activities morning afternoon and night.
Take sex and money off the table and you can know if there is something valuable. Is he intelligent? Can he engage in a decent conversation with you without asking "what are you wearing now? Is there something valuable to say when with him?
ReplyDeletePray that the Lord orders your foot steps towards your husband. Good luck
So, you're even contemplating starting a relationship with someone that sleeps with married women ehn? Issokay
ReplyDeleteDare is a huge NO.
ReplyDeletePoster stop everything with Dare, he won't agree.
No need.
As you enter another relationship don't starr with the sex talk, not immediately. Get to know each others personalities first, then decide if its a relationship you wanna do.
It will be hard, but the bitter truth is that these days men don't want to hear that. They don't even want to get to know you at all, they just want sex and if you are at a certain age you will find that irritating.
But it is what it is.
Keep living a beautiful life. Enjoy yourself well and your man will find you
All of you saying Dare shouldn't have told her that he slept with a married woman, I don't understand you people at all. Tomorrow now you people will use thesame mouth to condemn those that hides their past from their girlfriends or boyfriends .
ReplyDeleteTo me , the issue here is not about wether he has revealed a lot or not. The issue is about how his values
doesn't align with that of the posters
This Dare is not your type. Please forget about him. God will bring your own man. Don't seller for less.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question. I will tell you what babe did.
ReplyDeleteWhen you meet a man , do not tell him your stance on sex. This applies to all virgins who are waiting to be married to the Right Man, Virgins who wants men with similar values and not men who want to marry them just for bragging rights only to disvirgin them once then go back to the street to carry their kinds.
If the only thing you care about is a guy that would wait FOR you and not WITH you till marriage, then go ahead and tell guys you meet you do not believe in fornication, lay all your cards on the table and watch them pretend to be all you want just to have you for bragging rights and not because they are deserving of you. They will keep you one side as a future bride while they go out to have their fill. If they don't believe in the same thing as you then just don't find Guys with same morals as you and you do that by keeping your status a secret and watching the.men you meet like a hawk.
Because you are a virgin does not mean you shouldn't be smart. Don't tell any guy you are a virgin if you are really serious about being one till marriage. When you get into a relationship newly, be smart and watch the guy closely, when he starts hinting about spending the weekend or sleeping over or trying to make a move sexually , you already know where he stands, kindly carry your bag and keep it moving. Unto the next.
Don't try to convince him to wait till marriage else it will backfire, even you that is waiting who can convince you to fornicate so why do you think you can convince anyone who do not believe in what you do to act in a similar manner?
I think the problem with most virgins is that they keep looking for men who will accept their stance of no sex till marriage, most of you keep looking for a man who will be kind enough to wait for them like he is doing you a favour, instead of looking for men whose is worthy enough of being accepted by you and you get these kinds of men by vetting them,
and you vet them by not revealing you are a virgin or celibate and blowing your cover,
just by watching their every moves on you and outside of you, their lifestyles, and that is how you find men whose moral stance matches yours. Men who believe in what you do will be godly and if you are truly godly not the 21st century kind of godliness, you Wil know a godly man or woman when you see or meet one.
Don't ever tell anyone you are a virgin or celibate if you really are interested in being that way till marriage and also meeting like minded men whose decision to wait for sex won't be influenced by you but rather by HIS own personal respect for God and his Body.
First of all your ex bf raped you and you did not report making him to be a continual rapist ,and the Dare you talking about is an adultery man having s#x with is ex married girlfriend, the dare guy will definitely agreed with you on no pre marital s#x before marriage you have seen a enough sign my opinion any ways.
ReplyDelete