STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE WRONG KIND OF LOVE
Hello Stella,
Could you please share this wherever you think appropriate? I need your feedback on an issue I'm facing. I've developed feelings for my therapist.
Four years ago, I was introduced to this man to help me cope with heartbreak and anxiety following the cancellation of my wedding just a month before the scheduled date.
THE WRONG KIND OF LOVE
Hello Stella,
Could you please share this wherever you think appropriate? I need your feedback on an issue I'm facing. I've developed feelings for my therapist.
Four years ago, I was introduced to this man to help me cope with heartbreak and anxiety following the cancellation of my wedding just a month before the scheduled date.
I struggled to recover until someone connected me with him. He performed his duties effectively, but during our sessions, I found myself falling for him. However, he didn't entertain or encourage my feelings. He explained that while it's normal to develop such feelings, it goes against professional ethics.
He suggested that we could maintain a platonic friendship. Despite his stance, I've remained infatuated with him for the past four years. He's a single father who plays an active role in his child's life, and I admire his dedication as a parent. Although his child was born out of wedlock due to ethnic differences, he hasn't expressed a desire to marry anytime soon.
Yet, I simply want him in my life because he understands me deeply.
I've tried everything to make him see that he's all I want, but nothing seems to work. I'm starting to question whether he's even human, although I've never been given reason to believe otherwise. There's just something about him that doesn't quite add up.
He has significantly transformed my life, providing guidance that has shaped my present success. From being a broken single mother, I've become a confident, career-driven woman, all thanks to him. Despite my inquiries, he assures me that I'm attractive and any man would be lucky to have me, yet he remains distant.
He has significantly transformed my life, providing guidance that has shaped my present success. From being a broken single mother, I've become a confident, career-driven woman, all thanks to him. Despite my inquiries, he assures me that I'm attractive and any man would be lucky to have me, yet he remains distant.
I've even offered companionship, but he's declined. He treats me like a sister, with no hint of intimacy, but I desire more—a deeper connection with him. We're both in the same age group, although I'm slightly younger, and our children get along well. I can't understand what his issue might be.
He ended his previous relationship two years ago due to genotype compatibility issues, but that's not a concern for us. He keeps saying that God hasn't revealed anything about our future together, leaving me in limbo. I've attempted other relationships, but they never last, especially once my potential partners discover I have a child. I'm deeply in love with him, but he's not giving me the chance to prove it.
He ended his previous relationship two years ago due to genotype compatibility issues, but that's not a concern for us. He keeps saying that God hasn't revealed anything about our future together, leaving me in limbo. I've attempted other relationships, but they never last, especially once my potential partners discover I have a child. I'm deeply in love with him, but he's not giving me the chance to prove it.
Our relationship remains strictly platonic, which I find dull. And no, I'm not promiscuous; I've only had three partners and less than seven s'xual experiences in my 38 years on this earth.
We're both orphans—I'm an only child, while he has siblings who are quite accepting and open-minded. His family is lovely.
Should I continue waiting for him to come around, or have I unwittingly become the sister he never had?
Should I continue waiting for him to come around, or have I unwittingly become the sister he never had?
*Why are you trying to force this thing? If you convince him to sleep with you, you will lose his friendship and the affair will be dead on arrival.
Maybe the trick will be when you begin to ignore him and treat him like a brother...Some men need brain resetting to realise they are in love.
if you brother zone him and nothing happens, please leave it so and move on emotionally......stop trying to force cos if a therapist who helped you heal breaks your heart na wahala be that oh......
HE UNDERSTANDS YOU BECAUSE HE IS YOUR THERAPIST. "I've tried everything to make him see that he's all that I want", you are acting desperate. He has made it clear to you that you are nothing more than his patient, why are you still persistent?
ReplyDeleteWord 🙌🏽
DeleteShe might be one of so many patients who have Dey this way towards him. Poster, please try and get yourself out of that infatuation. Reality check is key now.
your problem is you are 38 and have only had s*x 7 times. some of you take life too seriously abeg. please relax in your other relationships and enjoy yourself. you need to loosen up. all that celibacy has you so wound up you are living another reality.
DeleteIf he eventually yields, just imagine him falling in love with another infatuated patient. I'm very certain your jealousy would be dangerous.
DeleteThis is probably same reason why he was hired to help you let go of your ex. You are a bad lover, a dangerous one at that. Being an only child again is not helping matters, you just want attention.
Babes, you might need to open up the circles of your friends, engage in other distracting activities. If he is truly meant for you, he will come back. Brother zone him just like Stella said. If he doesn't come back, don't look back either.
My two cents.
Your comment is very deep
DeleteAngeles T you have hit the nail on the head. Poster seems to have an obsessive personality which can be dangerous.
DeleteWomen !! Oh not not ! Whatever you’re looking for you will find it and it might be worse than the heartbreak that led you to him.
ReplyDeletePlease let him be so he does not lose his license...You are in love with the idea you think of him, and it is gradually becoming an obsession...
DeleteThe love you seek will find you...Don't force what is not there, or else you will not like what you will turn out to be and then you go back to heartache and turmoil...Don't let him resent you abeg.....
The therapist needs to be commended for remaining professional. You, that is the client, did not know that it's against the ethics of his profession to date you? Na so una dey push weak men into doom. If he dated you and the relationship didn't work, you could accuse him of taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable and he could lose everything he has worked for. A Doctor in the UK was found guilty of same not long ago.
DeleteIt's very normal but it will never work.dont even stress about it again,he doesn't see u that way..
ReplyDeleteHe is your therapist, he can never date you. That is part of the training and ethics of the profession. If he dates you and things don’t work out , you can sue him for taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state. Let the man be and look for love elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteOh really?
DeleteWe learn everyday.
Poster, come and read this o.
I tire...Dis is his profession. Who knows how.many women he has had to defend himself from...
DeleteYou get luck say no be one guy like that, if he slap you when, you go recover from your lost.
DeleteThank you. If I had seen your comment, I wouldn't have bothered to comment because I basically typed the same thing.
DeleteThis is also why some of us were shocked that a lecturer proposed to his student in public.
He is extremely professional and that is good. Please leave him alone and don’t ruin the career he is using to take care of his child
ReplyDeleteAsking someone to break their moral code and standards they have set for themselves is all shades of wrong. As a professional who must follow a strict code of conduct in my industry I completely understand his point of view. When you work hard for something you do not throw it away for the first pretty face that shows up.
ReplyDeletePlease take your mind off this man, he has given you friendship which he shouldn’t even have. Your obsession is a red flag for anyone. If you should both get involved and it goes sour you give the vibe that you would be a constant nuisance who couldn’t move on. Then you wouldn’t even be able to use him as a therapist ever again. He sees all of this. He knows all your flaws already.
It is wonderful that your internal view has changed and you are now a focused and driven person. Continue to grow, but please leave this man alone and allow him to live in the peace he has made for himself. Do not use your life to be a disturbance to another.
In Europe d medical Association will remove her.immediately as his patient....
DeleteTueh 🤮🤮🤮
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteAllow him do the chasing na, why are you forcing him to notice you or love you. I tot you said you have found yourself, now career driven so why are you focusing on what is not focusing on you 🤔 🙄 😒 😏 please free the young man, must you both date or get married?
ReplyDeleteYou don't want to open your heart to other men cos your eyes is on him, you need to accept reality, place value on yourself and don't let anyone rubbish you. Friend zone him right away, if he finally comes around then you check the red flags very well before you say yes. May sure you don't part legs so soon.
Most people that have experienced break up or marriage crash find it hard to let go and give love another chance, my thought.
ReplyDeleteHe has opened up to you that he is not ready for marriage anytime soon, just keep being a friend and see how it goes. He may have his reasons for not giving you that full attention. Engage in other things that will keep you busy.
Falling in Love with your Therapist
ReplyDeleteOh Chimo oooo
Abeg sis kindly and gently fall out Of Love Biko...,🙏🙏
Real Therapist Love will find you soonest 👍👍
May be he also doesn’t want to date you bcos you have a child just like the others, may be he still sees you as his patient, there is a power imbalance in the relationship, may be he hasn’t healed from his own past relationships, he is human first before being a therapist. Learn to respect boundaries, learn to stay off when people say No. No is No pls. If you don’t tk ur mind off him, every other relationship you would have would not last.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteNo means no. Respect that and move on.
This man doesn't need any brain resetting. He just doesn't like you like that. When a man is into you, you don't even need to do too much. He wouldn't need any convincing.
ReplyDeleteSorry sis, this guy is not into you. Don't pressure him to sleep with you. Then later he'll tell you he has no feelings for you... We don't want to hear "he used and dumped me".
Very principled man. I like such men!
Men are not scum after all.
ReplyDeleteNo mind dem, who scum reach women, people wey dey stand for road to sell their body or even marry person husband, the scum gender.q
DeleteLas las the heart wants what the heart wants and most times, theres little the heart can do about it.
ReplyDeleteForcing oneself on someone that has repeatedly rejected her advances in four years!!! Is lack of self love n poor self esteem. Her therapist already knows this and is clearly dodging major bullet
DeleteYou seem manipulative. You wish to have your way by all means even when he has clearly told you it’s unethical for him and he’s yet to hear from God too concerning you in his life.
ReplyDeleteWhy not respect that.
You are giving red flaps pls.
The guy is also clearly not into you. Pls look elsewhere with your what’s left of your dignity
Exactly
DeleteIf she is this needy and clingy plus whiny, no wonder her ex ran, this Chronicle pissed me off
DeleteLeave that man the heck alone and go work on yourself
Gifty
You're desperately seeking a rebound, which that gentleman is vehemently refusing to be. Even if he wasn't your therapist, you're not yet in the state of mind for a healthy relationship, you're still very vulnerable and indeed a walking red flag right now. You need to heal and be whole, then love yourself so that you can love and be loved properly.
ReplyDeleteyou have been emotionally attached to this man. most of these therapists are not always good lovers. he might not be telling you the truth about his past relationships. he might belong to those who don't practice what they preach. they give you what they have read overtime or let's just simply say he is not in love with you the way you are to him or he is just protecting him profession so you don't tarnish it
ReplyDeleteThat's a bad assessment @straight guy, it isn't accurate. Therapists acknowledge their flaws as well. In my view, most therapists are honest and open, but sometimes their deeper insight into you can make it challenging for you to connect with them. Because you would always feel you are bare with every interactions you have with them.
DeleteLet him be. Would you prefer he breaks your heart again.He has told you he isn't interested. He isn't into you or still waiting for God to speak. Poster let him be, don't waste your time , move on and you don't need to sound or look desperate. Love can't be forced so you won't regret. Give him some break. If you are meant to be, you will eventually come back together.
ReplyDeleteOne word describes how you feel... TRANSFERENCE...it's normal in therapy...he does have his countertransference for sure. How ever you knowing so m7ch about him means he infused a lot about himself during therapy sessions and with the intensity of your transference to the extentvof seeking advice regarding it, your therapist should plan terminating and have you transfered to another therapist.
ReplyDeleteThis!
DeleteHe should remove you from his patients list. You are dangerous to his career
This is not really Transference though. She is getting what she seeks in therapy.
DeletePoster , I am a therapist and it's against out professional ethics to be involved with a client within 10 years of knowing them. So nwanne. Move the fuck on.
If something happen now and they revoked his license people will condemn him like why will you have a sexual relationship with your client, i commend him men like him are rare very professional.
ReplyDeleteThere is reason why there is ethics and code of conduct in certain line of work , I will never give up my career in the name of this kind of relationship.
Poster pls for face front ,leave him believe me once you face front and zero your mind away from him , you ll see a good man
Poster what you feel is infatuation
ReplyDeleteTrauma bond with your therapist
I'm glad he's a very principled man,if not,things would have gone south long ago.
Let him be,go out and meet other people amd stop centering your life around him.
Stop trying to coerce and manipulate him into a relationship,it won't end well
You seem like a nice person,give others a chance too.
What manner of shamelessness is this, look at you pining for a man who has repeatedly told you he can't reciprocate your feelings
ReplyDeleteListen let me tell you most your case is not new, a lot of people fall in love with their therapist.
Now keep it moving and give the man a break, I feel like slapping from here so your brain can rest.
KMT
Gifty
Na this poster need the brain reset and na her type dey stubborn well well. After everyone has spoken, she will still be attempting nonsense. Poster you are not helping yourself at all. Now go get another therapist (preferably a female) and stay away from this man. Forget about him. Move on with your life.
DeleteHe understands you so deeply because that's part of his job as your therapist. I even commend him, many people in that position would take advantage of their vulnerable clients.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you are struggling with limerence. Are you a Christian? If you are, I suggest you go to Youtube and watch 'How to deal with limerence as a child of God' by Faith's Consecrated Space. That will help you to understand more.
Please don't force a relationship. If you have to force it, it will not last.
Poster read this comment very very well.
DeleteMadam please do not force your love on him o. It won’t last! There is a man for you out there, no be Oga therapist.
ReplyDeleteKaren
You need a new therapist to help you get over your therapist
ReplyDeleteRespect boundaries
This too!
DeleteThe man should transfer her to someone else. She needs another kind of therapy to be free from this obsession.
Wahala no dey finish
My prayer for the therapist 🙏🏻... And lead us not into temptation, butt deliver us from every evil . Amen
ReplyDeleteA man was giving me green light, calling twice daily, dropping sweet notes, using intimate endearments, making efforts and apologizing when we have issues,, talking about the future, talking to me about moving houses to a place that will be closer to my office for my convenience and comfort and all.
ReplyDeleteI was certain I had found husband, I even told one or two people that I had found someone.
One day, I asked him WHAT ARE WE? DO YOU LOVE ME? Since he hadn't asked me out officially.
He said we are just friends and I should already know that, since I know his Spec. He likes them busty and with plenty hips, me on the other hand, I am very slim.
Gosh!!!! Gosh!!!!
I packed my life and moved on. I wasn't told twice. He still calls and does daily check ups, but I am no longer emotionally invested in the caricature relationship.
Poster should borrow brain from here
DeleteStop hurting yourself sis,get him off your thoughts.look yourself in the mirror and see the beautiful you.if he's not interested in the relationship,you can't force him.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when we try to do things in our own way and it fails,it's better we take it to God.Even if you have a child,it doesn't stop the right man from reaching you.
There might be deeper things about you which he's not comfortable with and as such can't date you for those reasons.
ReplyDeleteStop forcing him to want to be with you. It doesn't end well
He does not love you. Can you please let him be?
ReplyDeleteHe says he has not heard from God yet concerning you guys, do you expect him to go into a relationship with you since he has not heard from God and he does not love you?
I know this feeling. However, since he's not reciprocating the feelings, let it be..just keep praying for God to open his eyesight, while you continue to try and find your partner. I admire him for not leading you on
ReplyDeleteYou are a harassing the man.
ReplyDeleteImagine your boss at your career-minded work place doing to you what you are doing to this man.
You would have screamed Blue Mu...
You would have escalated it max.
You want him to lose his licence because of your desire.
You want to return him to his home country broke and empty.
Meanwhile, You are doing more harm to yourself by using him as the plum line for marking down other men who may be good enough for you.
The only redemptive part about your chronicle is your displayed intelligence.
You completely raised and expertly knocked down all counter arguments why the man may not be good for you.
But you dodged the main point.
Or could not counter it.
Your relationship is professional and the man has done or is currently over-doing to help a Sista.
Yet you want to pay him back in bad currency.
Please do not Brother-Zone him as advised by Stella.
Just leave the man completely.
Your husband will find you or you will find him soon after.
Know that men always know when a woman's heart is not empty for them
Until you empty your heart of this man, you are are not available to be found by any man
Best wishes.
Stop harassing him please. I wish he would strike you off his patient list. What kind of thirst is this? At this rate, you need intensive psychiatric evaluation, coz its giving mental imbalance.
ReplyDeleteThe audacity of calling it 'brain resetting'. Resetting to where.
ReplyDeleteHe DOES NOT WANT you.
It's that simple.
You cannot FORCE anyone to want you.
You are setting yourself up for TRAUMA.
Women are now scum ,better look for another person ,it is unprofessional ,what will happen if he is reported to have married his patient,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how most of the comments agreed to the fact that the poster needs to respect the man's decision.
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteLicious babe
Before nko career that put food on the table ,his reputation and prestige .as a man I can never ever trade it for anything what s my business with your infatuation with me ,madam go look for love outside my office, mine is to help you recover and be mentally balanced not for you to burn me down
DeletePoster, Stop being desperate. He is your therapist and his professional conduct won't allow him do such.
ReplyDeleteThe man in question doesn't even send you so why the fuse? Pls keep it going and take your love and your feeling else where.. allow the young man breath.
Dont make him lose his job bcos of your silly feelings.
Poster just maintain the friendship and forget love, forcing yourself on a man to is a bad idea
ReplyDeleteTherapist sef na wa. Too much self disclosure?
ReplyDeletePoster please respect his honest decision and stop forcing yourself on him, don't you have shame?, Don't be desperate!, Move on.
ReplyDeletePlease poster comman update us, you hear?
ReplyDeletestella he doesnt love her period. poster please look for another relationship...don't push it don't force it let it happen naturally, it will surely happen if love was meant to be
ReplyDelete