ABOUT TO MARRY THE ALL KNOWING BOYFRIEND
My guy likes to argue too much, each time he brings up gist and I will keep mute to listen to the story so that I can understand it before saying anything. I will also ask him some questions to understand the story and when I open my mouth to say something he will shut me up with words like is not like this, you don't get it, always listen till the end.
I have asked him on several occasions if he was done with the gist before I can ask questions or give my Own two cents. I just understand that he feels he knows everything, no one knows things. If I decide not to say anything about all his gist he will be angry and ask me so you don't have anything to say, you mean you don't understand the story or you didn't pay attention to my gist. I will tell babe, I don't have anything to contribute to this story cos all you said is very okay and perfect. We must still argue cos he will pick up a talk from what I say...
Most times he brings gist and I try to tell him how I feel about the story or advice and he shuts me up. I will find out that after the convo I will be battling with headache which I am trying to avoid.
My guy feels that he understands a woman going through menstrual crisis than the woman, he feel a fibroid patient doesn't know what she is feeling but he does. He feels you don't know your siblings he knows them even before he met them. You try to tell him the experience you had on a similar issue he is experiencing but you will hear you don't understand how I feel cos I am the one wearing this shoe.
My guy likes to argue too much, each time he brings up gist and I will keep mute to listen to the story so that I can understand it before saying anything. I will also ask him some questions to understand the story and when I open my mouth to say something he will shut me up with words like is not like this, you don't get it, always listen till the end.
I have asked him on several occasions if he was done with the gist before I can ask questions or give my Own two cents. I just understand that he feels he knows everything, no one knows things. If I decide not to say anything about all his gist he will be angry and ask me so you don't have anything to say, you mean you don't understand the story or you didn't pay attention to my gist. I will tell babe, I don't have anything to contribute to this story cos all you said is very okay and perfect. We must still argue cos he will pick up a talk from what I say...
Most times he brings gist and I try to tell him how I feel about the story or advice and he shuts me up. I will find out that after the convo I will be battling with headache which I am trying to avoid.
My guy feels that he understands a woman going through menstrual crisis than the woman, he feel a fibroid patient doesn't know what she is feeling but he does. He feels you don't know your siblings he knows them even before he met them. You try to tell him the experience you had on a similar issue he is experiencing but you will hear you don't understand how I feel cos I am the one wearing this shoe.
I have sat him down to talk about these and tell him how I feel each time we have such arguments, I have explained to him to try and avoid shutting me up each time he gives me room to speak. He should allow me air my view even if what I am saying is useless, I have right to express myself and he can decide to trash my input to the waste bin if that be the case. Always shutting me up is driving me crazy or he should allow me to keep sipping water while he give me all the gist, conclude, end the convo without asking me to say anything is best for me or allow me to press my phone while in such situations to avoid me getting angry.
After all my talks, and pleas, he apologies with promise to change. Till date he is still doing same thing. I want to walk away cos this red flag I cannot leave with it.
Introduction has been done but bride price not paid and I don't want to continue having headache over things we can avoid cos the other person feels my complaint are not valid. Apart from this issue we are very much okay, this is the only thing I cannot tolerate, or am.i over reacting?
PLEASE DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN...LEAVE YOUR SHOES AND RUN!!!
Is your boyfriend's name SABINUS, cause his sabi sabi is to much.I know his type thet will always make you feel like you are very dull and you dont know anything.. the earlier the better my sister..
ReplyDeleteHmmmm......Chai ooo my sister, and you never enter......you don already dey get headache......hmmmm. Only you know if you can truly live like this for the rest of your married life together. But if you ask me I would say peace is better.........
DeleteHow you wan take leave with this man laidis?
DeleteTell him to start a talk show online so he can have 'exchange of ideas' with his viewers then after the suggestion start talking off point like : do you know Obama is from cotonou and Biden was my grand dad's bestie, make sure you make him feel the headache you have been feeling.
DeleteI beg you, RUN. I cannot emphasize this enough. Please RUN. Take it from someone who took the foolish step to marry a man like this - RUN. I came to write it under the first comment in hopes you see it. RUN! RUN!! RUN!!! Please
DeleteNature made it that a guy never interrupts you when speaking no matter how lengthy that narration is, I don't know how they do it and they hardly drag words or argue for long with a woman, this attitude u described here is not normal.
DeleteI have worked for guys for a long time and I will tell u to quit that relationship!
Do u know I will misplace a guy's clothes or forget to deliver on time and I will be the one shouting on top of my voice as if am right but guess what? They won't even argue with me not like I did the right thing but see it's the nature of a normal man to let u win that argument or game or name it!
Run!!!!!
Better run you're not compatible at all
DeleteYou never marry and this.
DeleteMao Akuh
I have met people like this and can’t be around them even for a week. You have to end things IMMEDIATELY. Forget about his pleas, he doesn’t care about anyone but himself otherwise he wouldn’t discount you and your opinion. You can’t help him, he needs a therapist. People like him have the emotional intelligence and maturity of a one year old. Please avoid high blood pressure in the future by walking away NOW.
DeleteMy sister, pray and have this conversation with him one more time. If he begins to jump and clap before you get your point across, please carry your shoes and run.
ReplyDeleteAnother conversation again? It's very important she sprints now
DeleteGifty
How many times must she talk? How many broken promises does she have to listen to. My 8 yr old niece wears me out sometimes with her story, I cannot fathom dealing with that in a relationship. I can’t deal with anyone who has a need to be always right and always smarter. He probably was an overindulged child who was constantly told how lucky his life was and his classmates always fawned over him because he had the latest and best of everything.
DeleteEyes can close, mouth can close, but ears cannot close. He will be the first voice you hear every morning and the last at night. Remember that.
Hmmm, he claims to know it all. He won't change.
ReplyDeleteDon’t marry this man.
ReplyDeleteI know a couple going through very rough patches now and they’ve been married for over 12years. I could swear the wife wrote this chronicles except you are yet to be married. She has no say in discussions or decisions. Her husband believes he knows it all. And she’s no more willing to tolerate it. It’s fight and quarrel every day. She s working and earning well now so insisting he must hear her out and also involve her in decision making and he’s insisting he is and has always been the one who knows best and decision maker for both of them. It’s crazy and sad.
It’s a terrible place for anyone to be in.
Walk now while you still can and have no kids. It doesn’t get better. Marriage would only make it worse. As more familiarity would set in.
Hmmm na wa oh...Poster it is well...If you know you can't tolerate it then please don't move on with him...You have your intuition, trust it and follow what your conscience can live with...
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a lifetime thing so please be careful..
All the best
Poster, this will not end. Don't marry this guy. Things will not change.
ReplyDeleteAnd you still considering marrying him? That man is a narc and this is a little compare to when you will get married, you see that headache you're having now? It will graduate to hbp and can end up fatally God forbid!!
ReplyDeleteMy recent ex is exactly what you described, he based in Canada and were working on joining him, very generous but i was almost going mad, I looked lean and sickly.
Immediately I made up my mind and left him all the sickness, low self esteem etc disappeared and my beauty and flesh came back.
Babe please no amount of money and affection beats peace of mind!!
Every man is now tagged narcissist, you guys should take it easy.
DeleteDoes this poster's intended represent every man?
DeleteMy dear, RUN!
DeleteOriginal oversabi house husband, imagine using paracetamol everyday on top say you get partner for house, God abeg oposter if it's stressing you this much,then you have the right to walk away, a union should not be a daily source of migraine please.
ReplyDeleteIsn't all these enough red flags for you to run away? As in take a walk without looking back.
ReplyDeleteMarrying that guy will be worse than being single. He' could be a potential woman beater.
He's not considerate and can't be loving.
©TEEJAY
Domestic violence is lurking around is cases like this.
DeleteSadly, there are many men like this out there, even here in this blog. They are the ones that will sit in beer parlours, gusting about women and how they believe women exist. Your fiance will not change, so it's up to you to walk away now cuz marriage isn't a walk in the park. Kids alone will cause plenty arguments, not to talk of inlaws, money, character differences etc. Do what gives you peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteGod Abeg o
ReplyDeleteGod, see me o. I no fit shout
Poster marriage is a forever thing oo, will you be taking paracetamol everyday? Reason am well before you enter that marriage.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself if you can happily live 30 years with him and his personality.
ReplyDeleteImagine if you were imprisoned for 30 years and he would be your cell mate for the period of your term. He is not only a know it all and bossy but he seems to talk excessively and have a lot to say. There is someone for everyone on this earth, are you the person for him? Ask your family members to give you their 100% honest feedback about him cause mighty mouth will also be part of the family.
A mighty mouth needs a mighty ear to live in peace.
He sounds like a funny guy that’s a little immature
ReplyDeleteIf he’s a good guy, he will grow out of it
Just be patient with him
Maybe you too do small oversabi so he will know how it feels
Grow out of It when he's not 12 years old.
DeleteMarriage is not what you can gamble into cos what you see when dating can increase in marriage most times.
Grow out of It when he's not 12 years old.
DeleteMarriage is not what you can gamble into cos what you see when dating can increase in marriage most times.
Yes many men and women learn in marriage
DeleteNot every time run
Please don’t follow this advice. There are some things that can’t be overlooked but not this. You are already having huge second thoughts, you will have even bigger regrets if you marry this guy.
DeleteIn marriage you are pretty much cell mates with your partner, this is the person you have to talk to about everything bothering you, every decision you make.
Imagine the arguments you will have about finance, raising children, family, career, just different things.
DON’T DO IT SIS!!!
That's some deepsitted complex issues can only get worse sadly
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle reads like someone with a 'controlling behaviour' and a large ego' which can affect ones self esteem.
DeleteYou have described how those actions make you feel uncomfortable, unappreciated, devalued and generally unhappy.
Odogwu, might struggle much with empathy, you didn't describe a gracious person.
Unfortunately it is very difficult to change an adult hence the repeat apologies without corresponding change in behaviour.
Can you live with this for the rest of your life?
What are his views about parenting? -that is going to be another point for power struggle.
Make up your mind fast, and please communicate your decision clearly to him now.
Don't continue the relationship if you know deep down you aren't going to accept him warts and all!. Either acceptance or separation, choose wisely.
PCX
This chronicle reads like someone with a 'controlling behaviour' and a large ego' which can affect ones self esteem.
DeleteYou have described how those actions make you feel uncomfortable, unappreciated, devalued and generally unhappy.
Odogwu, might struggle much with empathy, you didn't describe a gracious person.
Unfortunately it is very difficult to change an adult hence the repeat apologies without corresponding change in behaviour.
Can you live with this for the rest of your life?
What are his views about parenting? -that is going to be another point for power struggle.
Make up your mind fast, and please communicate your decision clearly to him now.
Don't continue the relationship if you know deep down you aren't going to accept him warts and all!. Either acceptance or separation, choose wisely.
PCX
Run !!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you are about to marry him?
ReplyDeleteNdi oke amam ighe! So unbearable!
You never see husband o
Gifty
LISTEN AND FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS. IT DOESNT GET BETTER IN MARRIAGE.
ReplyDeleteWrote in caps so u can see it wella.
All the best to you dear
There is a difference between character flaw and flag. This man's flag is RED!
ReplyDeleteIt is not too late to walk away from this unnecessary headache, Poster.
Marriage itself comes with some headaches atimes, not to talk of this 'situationship'.
The Lord guide and lead you aright o.
I don’t see any red here
DeleteMany people are like this
Anon 19:04 , most people are not like this. If you are like this you better change because I can’t imagine how unbearable you are to those closest to you.
Deletethe headache alone can take away happiness plus joy of why you got married to him. Please sit him down and have one more conversation with him about this attitude of his and if he refuse to listen please take a walk. He is not the only man on earth, how can he be the only one to make useful conversation, he should allow you say your meaningless contributions to issues than to shut you up. Do you have money to be buying paracetamol on daily basis? marriage is a long time union oh.
ReplyDeleteIf you like take their advice and leave him Na you go still come leave story how you’re regretting bla bla bla. What’s your own bad side miss perfect?
ReplyDeleteShe never said she was perfect, don’t insult her. He is probably perfect for someone like you not her.
DeletePoster, ignore this miserable person. They want you to be miserable like them.
DeleteI'm a man and married a woman like that too
ReplyDeleteMost times I don't even want to conserve with her because of her argumentative Spirit.
Please don't try to marry him you will regret it and live a boring Life
Hmmm, anytime your wife gets in the mood for argument, just tell her she is right, keep doing it, when she asks for advise don't give her, tell her she knows it all, she will start to be conscious of it and work on it.
DeleteEvery marriage comes with its own headaches..... If this the only head you will deal with please carry on.
ReplyDeleteThis one na me be the master, the king, you must not talk, have opinion, you must submit by being mute and agreeing with me on every issue...such people are hard to live with, they will drive you insane...leave while you can, the man na narc..suffering from delusions of grandeur...Poster flee for your peace of mind!
ReplyDeleteDo not marry him, he won't change because that is who he really is. He will make you feel like a DUNCE in the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThe beauty of people giving you advice is that many of them are also guilty of the same thing,if you can be more tolerant by keeping quiet may solve your problem after silence is the best answer for a fool.;asking you to leave ?don't Marry because of argument,better be wise how are you sure the next person won't be beaten you,if you are a Christian pray for self control for him;
ReplyDeleteAre you alright? Time she will use to pray and work for self-advancement, she should waste it on a prayer point she can well avoid?
DeletePoster RUN. You don't need to be married to him to pray for him. RUN
My dear walk away with your 2 legs
ReplyDeleteHe's a Narcissist!! It will only get worse.
ReplyDeletePlease reason am well.lt means you won't have a say in anything that has to do with the home, the how you raise the children, and so on. As in you will be like a figure - head, It is even worse than being married to a narcissist
ReplyDeleteYou should have sent this chronicle long before now. Nothing wey bvs go talk wey you go hear.
ReplyDeleteYou see this red flag, it's important to think it through thoroughly, don't discard it at all!
ReplyDeleteI mean, what's marriage without a good communication between both parties? I won't advise my sister to marry such a guy. This can lead to physical abuse and frustration if he keeps shutting you down like you don't have a brain to reason. Leave before you regret it.
He always said you should shut up each time you want to contribute your own opinion to an issue.. Since he only wants you to listen while he feels his decision or say is final.
ReplyDeleteTry this maybe he will change, Whenever he talks just listen, and when he asks questions don't answer but remind him that he always tell you to 'shut up ' that you are obeying his command.
Do it like one or two times to see his reaction.
She didn’t say he says she should shut up
DeleteYou haven't entered marriage chronicle is already being sent in. Poster please introduction is not marriage yet. Think am well.Is this the emotional stress you will keep going through when you are in it? Please have a re-think about this life long journey you want to embark on with him. He might not change!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, please run o... This is a mental patient, what's going on with him i more of mental issue and he needs to be checked ASAP
ReplyDeletePoster, this is master and servant relationship. He't too bossy and this is just the beginning. It will get worst as soon as you're married to him. Pls,think deeply about it before marrying him.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, 'communication is golden'. When you both can't interact, then you are not on the same plain and can't speak the same language.
ReplyDeleteThis will give room to conflicts which may lead to verbal and physical abuse.
Exactly 💯 that is incompatibility
DeleteWhether he is a good or bad man is not the issue.
ReplyDeleteFact is you say you cannot cope with his character or habit now and may not be able to do so after marriage.
But if if you think the money will be enough to buy you pain relievers, go on as you want to do hence this chronicle.
Every married person in your shoes will tell you one thing - Run.
No marriage is perfect. People only prefer enter the marriages with low cost or low price tags and maximum profits.
Are you ready to use your health to pay the price for what you expect from the marriage?
Answer the question and decide.
Poster please don't mally lubbish. But if you decide not to and he marries another, don't start regretting ooo. Be firm in your values and decisions. Never settle for less or you will end up with way less than you settled for. I learned this the hard way.
ReplyDeleteYou people every time run, run, run. If everybody runs from their relationships pls who are you leaving them for? Who would eventually marry these ones? Abeg u ppl shud stay and nurture ur rlships, let every body hold her ship oo
ReplyDeleteSo if you were for instance, being beaten blue black, you would stay and nurture your ship? Okay if that would be your decision, but this poster asked for advise, since even before the marriage, she is already having headaches, so the responses should not surprise you.
DeleteDo you what it feels like to have a mosquito buzzing in your ear all night? This sounds exactly like that. Ain’t nobody gonna nurture no damn mosquito.
DeleteHe will find his match , there are many fishes in the sea🤗
Delete3 type of men women should avoid by all means. The type that knows it all. Those that refuse to accept their fault ( they will never say sorry) but will always what you to say sorry even if the issue is not your fault. Those that do not care about your emotions ( they don't care about your pains and what you're going through. They makes everything looks as if you are sick from brain.
ReplyDeleteBoth of you are not compatible. There is a girl somewhere who wouldn't see anything wrong with all this things that are giving you headache. Just end the relationship and look for someone you will be comfortable with. People are wired differently. There are some things I couldn't tolerate anytime I went for holidays at my male cousins place years ago. Now he is married, and surprisingly to me, his wife sees nothing wrong in those little things that annoys me . I keep wandering why those things mean nothing to his wife.
ReplyDeleteExactly! You are incompatible! He may be a good man but every good man is not for you and vice versa.
DeleteThis relationship is dead on arrival. It's better you take a walk
ReplyDeleteMake we dey decide quickly. Not after we don chop enough and den begin see fault to escape wey dey openly since day one.
ReplyDelete