STAND ALONE NATTATIVE
CURSED CHILD
Stella please, post as Chronicle as I need urgent advice, I'm a single mom of a teenager, she lives with my mom in Ekiti, because I'm squatting with friends.My mom has stood with me solidly right from when I was pregnant till I gave birth, up till now treating her with extreme love, but this child is something else, she doesn't listen to corrections, she's too abusive, aggressive, very stubborn and
uncouth.
She fights everybody in the street and has created enmity between my mom and plenty people, she goes physical with my mom some times and my mom always complains that she hopes, she shouldn't be the cause of her death one day, because my mom is very fragile due to a certain illness.
Stella please, post as Chronicle as I need urgent advice, I'm a single mom of a teenager, she lives with my mom in Ekiti, because I'm squatting with friends.My mom has stood with me solidly right from when I was pregnant till I gave birth, up till now treating her with extreme love, but this child is something else, she doesn't listen to corrections, she's too abusive, aggressive, very stubborn and
uncouth.
She fights everybody in the street and has created enmity between my mom and plenty people, she goes physical with my mom some times and my mom always complains that she hopes, she shouldn't be the cause of her death one day, because my mom is very fragile due to a certain illness.
I'm very fed up and sad because right now I'm very helpless, this is a child that her father and paternal family don't care about, my mom, sibling and I have been the one taking care of her since when she was a baby from day one, we show this girl pure love, I make sure I send her to good school, because I don't want her education foundation to be faulty, that's the major reason I can't stand on my feet till now because I'm not earning much, most of my earning goes to her education.
Her father wanted to have her custody which I refused because I know he will not send her to good school plus, I'm not comfortable with my child living with him as a girl because of plenty stories flying up and down.
She's planning to write her junior external exam, I don't know what to do with her because I don't want her to continue staying with my mom again, because I'm afraid she might kill her one day.
I don't know what to do or what's wrong with her, I don't know if it's mental illness or stubbornness, because my mom said she had slapped her suddenly without any provocation when she was two or three years old.
I'm thinking of sending her to boarding school or sending her to her paternal grandma because I don't know where the father lives, or I should call her father to come and take her because I've talked to her about her bad behaviors, threatening her to no avail.
I regret having her, because this girl has stalled my progress physically, financially and maritally, please what can I do because I'm very tired, she's just acquiring curse on her head with all her behaviors.
I want her to become a person in life and I'm trying all my best but she's not helping me with her cursed character.
Though I'm desperately planning to settle so that I can take care of her by myself but what steps should I take on her before then so that she won't send my mom to early grave.
Stella I need your blue pen and I don't mind insult from bvs, all I need is solutions. Thanks.
Hmmmmmm!!!!
It isnt about sending her to a good school or not.This little woman is growing up alone without anyone to teach her the steps of growing up or mentor her and you are there Judging when all she needs is love and someone who will be there for her..
The revolting attitude will be gone soon as soon as she heals from whatever is hurting her
Being a single mum is not for small minds moreso growing without the presence of both parents is tough too. Both of you need each other. Don't get tired. You are almost there. Teenage is a trying time for both male and female.
ReplyDeleteKindly send her to boarding school for the sake of your mum's mental health.
Single mothers go through a lot, I have seen a couple of them and how the kids sometimes turn out rebellious because of absence of one or more parents. It is possible that girl is being mocked by her peers and even some parents can be so mean that they may even warn the girl to keep off their kids because she is from a single mum. Please take her out to a nice place and ask her to tell you what the problem is. You need to remove her from your mum to a boarding school and also see if she could see her dad often.
DeleteTake her to a Catholic boarding school owned by rev sisters, tell them this same story and sit back and watch a changed girl after one term!
DeleteYou see those rev sisters they go show her shege with discipline.....
Your absent is a factor and you are complaining. Did you make her your best friend? Were you there to stroll and even gist with her? How often do you see her?
DeleteRaising a child without a father figure takes the grace of God. You must get on your knees now because that's all you have to do first. Don't write her off, she needs an atmosphere that's fill with love.
May God help you.
Why would bvs insult you, You aren't a bad mother ok, Why don't you look a way to rent a place of your own , and stay with her, talk with her, She might just be seeking for your attention, she's a growing child, but something is wrong with her deep down, Maybe involve her dad also, he might be able to talk some sense into her.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly, Prayers! prayers! Nne, Your child needs it now and nothing is too big for God. She will change for good.
Hi Poster, as a Mom, I understand your pain. However, you are now at the final stages, when you would either have her in your corner or Lose her. Cos being in JSS3, she is in her high discovery Teen years (13 - 15). She has lost out in the embrace, discipline and also mentorship of her own mom. Please note, your mom is your mom, and not her mom, your mom is her grand mom.
DeleteYes we can argue, if grandma raised coolheaded kids all now grown, she is well qualified to raise her. The answer to this is yes and no. A mother is a mother, anywhere, but times have changed, and if we equate and apply some of the ways we where raised as a standard to raise our own children, in this present era, we would loose this kids. and that is what is playing out in your kids life.
She is your ONLY child, but she is not feeling the impact of that security and reality in her life. Your life choices, has affected her life's reality and you are not in any way to balme her. Because kids dont live in space, they interact with other in school, on the streets, in church, they see the lives they desire and their desires are justified, we as parents, only need to imbibe contentment into their desires. So she sees things she want but may be cant have, and her own mom is too far away to share in those emotions, and be guided this wants may not even be material.
I have seen some commenters, talk about how single parenthood bear negatively on children and I beg to disagree, cos we have also seen children raised in 2 parents home, who behave extremly badly. While its balanced and ideal for 2 parents to raise a child, but f life knocks either parent toany direction, be it man or woman, just brace up, face it squarely, holding God close, working for a living, you can make a great positive and significant impact in your child's life, dont let any one tell you otherwise, (this is also for all single and possibly struggling parents)
So poster, first, you have to stop squatting with your friends, get a small apartment of your own, could be one room, could be a BQ, but let it be your own and go back home, thank grandma for all her efforts and take your child to live with you, That is the first step of responsiility towards her. You made your choices earlier, and this is you living up to the responsibility of your choices as an adult. No matter how little your space is, this gives her a feeling of closeness to her mom. and from there you both take it a day at a time, on your journeys of self discovery. What ever little you have even if its garri, you both should drink it together. You wont die, she wont die, but it goes along way to impact in her her mind and heart, that you choose her. She doesnt really see you as choosing her at the moment, she feels abandoned with grandma. Even though we know, that is not the case or your genuine intentions.
The road ahead is not easy at all, but it is doable and I pray God guides you hence forth, in being there for her, in the best little ways you can and in raising her well. This is a crucial stage in her life, where the feeling of acceptance , friendship and love both from you and from her peers is high in her developmental span, dont miss it all out. As the years only goes up and never comes down.
Praying for you and sending you love.
Your girl is going through alot, although you might think she is ungrateful.
ReplyDeleteshe doesn't want to be with grandma,she wants to be with,no matter the love you show her from afar it can never be like been together even if you both will be drinking garri without sugar.
Try and look for an affordable apartment and let her come stay with you.
All the best🤗🤗🤗
She should get a grip and stop taking out whatever she's hurting from on your poor mum. Let's see how she'll cope or whom she'll take it out on if she's to fend for herself. She's feeling and behaving stubbornly and in an uncouth manner because she has family. If she were alone in this world and saddled with the heavy responsibility of taking care of herself, she'll receive sense immediately.
ReplyDeletePeople who have feet always lament why they don't have shoes 👟 until they meet those who don't have legs.
Better warn her seriously and threaten to send her to her father's people,make sure you follow through with the threat, she'll be the one begging you to come back.
Twins ♊ Squared.
You can't fathom what is happening and lost it. She only needs the love of both parents - she is rebelling against the fact that she is not getting parental love. Simple!
DeleteMaybe you should sit her down and ask what her problem is, if she angry with you or something?
ReplyDeleteI saw a movie early this year, in the movie the young girl(an actress) was behaving just like your daughter, she was acting up cuz her mother abandoned her with her elder sis, got married and had another kid. She was getting into all sorts of troubles to get her mother's attention, just like you, her mother was fed up with her attitude and didn't even hide that she resented her child.
She is your child whether good or bad, they don't throw away the baby with the bath water! You are going to have to be invested in her life, it is not about sending her to good school or sending your mom money to take care of her, you are going to have to be a mom and be present in her life.
You could start with that talk I mentioned earlier, then make sure you talk with her on the phone every day, explain things to her about why you are unable to live with her,
Please understand that she is a child, na small pikin dey Worry am
I don't know what to say again, may God help you!! Please always pray for her too.
Phewww! Not easy being responsible for another human being o
Gifty
I agree with this too
DeletePoster talk to her about your life, carry her along, she is old enough to understand that.
Let her know you are actively working towards bringing her to come live with you.
Also, ask her if she want a to go to the boarding house? She might just like the idea but don't force it in her if she doesn't want to .
Above all, keep praying for her, this stage is very critical in her development and will either make or mar her future, you need to be careful with every step you take.
she need a man to handle her like a man to be the one to guild her and teach her the right way. I cannot say your mum did not train her well but she has try what she can do but you as her mother did not play your card well. that child need prayers, hope is not that someone placed a curse on her?
ReplyDeletesend her to boarding school.
There are various factors that could have caused this and one of it is the absence of a father figure.
DeleteSit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Assure her if your love. Let her know the sacrifices you made and are still making for her,make her understand why she can't currently live with you,tell her how much you want her to make the best of herself. Then beg her to open up to you about anything bothering her....
ReplyDeleteIf the above doesn't work,wipe am oraimo cord for back,restores default settings...lol
Poster, sending money to take care of her or sending her to a good school might no make her feel loved. She might feel abandoned and not understand what you are going through. Sending her to a boarding school will make her behavior worse. Why should a two years old child be provoked easily and slapped her grandma and her excesses wasn't pegged down? That was the beginning of this kind of bad behavior. If that behaviour never changed, then grandma can't do much at her age. Don't add to grandma's health challenges. She needs you in her life , she needs that motherly affection and to lead her through life. You can still mould her, it's not late.
ReplyDeleteTry to get a place of your own even if it i a room , bring her to live with you, by so doing you will be able to effect the positive changes you want to see in her. All the best
Poster, train up a child and when she gets old she will not depart from it... You and your mum failed to monitor and trainer her attitude and character when she was a toddler or before 10 years.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry.. it seems to be too late to uproot the deep rooted bad character.
It is now that You want to dump her with her father after you refused him custody years ago. You are Selfish and very unwise.
As you make your bed so will you lie on it.
Too late for a teenager?
DeleteSay what you know pls
Do you know how many stubborn teenagers are now the greatest and best thing that ever happened to their parents?
These are growing pains. Poster if you can afford boarding school, send her there
I was a difficult teenager. Today, I am the calmest and I dare say more focused adult in my family.
DeletePoster please stop projecting negative narratives on that child...She may be suffering with abandonment & attention issues...How long has she been living with your mom? And why do you think taking her to boarding school is the solution? You calling her a cursed child or apportioning to something spiritual is a very lazy way of looking at things....
ReplyDeleteYour mom will train her the best way she can and you need to understand the generation gaps. Why are you not training your child and teaching her the basics...Why is your daughter not living with you; there is a limit Mama can help in terms of training...You know that Grandparents tend to pamper their grandchildren...
Before you start apportioning negative spiritual stuff, do you realize that you have a teenager who might be confused, seeking answers to life questions, her body is changing and her hormones are everywhere...By your comments, your daughter should be like 13 years; she will soon see her 'first' period..,,If she is active on social media, may God help us......Have you ever thought of that...She will start getting attentions from boys and ''devouring men''....Why don't you want her father to be involved in her life? Did he say he does not want to take responsibilities?...How often do you speak with her or you just pick up your phone and rain insults on her and use caustic words? Remember you were once a teenager yourself....
She needs you now and you have to step up as a mother...You need to also change your line of thoughts and re-orientate yourself...Instead of you to focus on raising your daughter so she can make better life decisions...All I see is you outsourcing and running away from the issues (Grandma, Boarding school) instead checking the root causes, train her in the right path and guide her correctly..
Please do better and do right by her...
All the best
Sdk is right. First of all, take out that "curse" from your mouth and don't refer to her as that.
DeleteYour daughter has gone through some form of Trauma and that's showing in her attitude. If your Mum is not up to it anymore, you should sit down and plan what to do. But your daughter needs some form of Trauma Healing counseling or therapy.
When was the last time you saw her? She probably thinks you don't love her since she doesn't stay with you. She thinks she is been punished for something she doesn't know that's why you left her with her grandma hence her reaction.
Sit her down and ask her question? Gently pls.
Ask her what's the matter?
Did her grandma do something to annoy her?
Did someone molest her? These are questions you need to ask.
She is angry about something snd you need to find out what that thing is.
You can be doing your best for her and yet not have a good relationship with her. She is old enough to know some of your struggles.
She didn't ask to be born so quit with saying you regret having her. It shows in the way you talk to her.
Best wishes.
Sdk is right. First of all, take out that "curse" from your mouth and don't refer to her as that.
DeleteYour daughter has gone through some form of Trauma and that's showing in her attitude. If your Mum is not up to it anymore, you should sit down and plan what to do. But your daughter needs some form of Trauma Healing counseling or therapy.
When was the last time you saw her? She probably thinks you don't love her since she doesn't stay with you. She thinks she is been punished for something she doesn't know that's why you left her with her grandma hence her reaction.
Sit her down and ask her question? Gently pls.
Ask her what's the matter?
Did her grandma do something to annoy her?
Did someone molest her? These are questions you need to ask.
She is angry about something snd you need to find out what that thing is.
You can be doing your best for her and yet not have a good relationship with her. She is old enough to know some of your struggles.
She didn't ask to be born so quit with saying you regret having her. It shows in the way you talk to her.
Best wishes.
Stella is right, I will also advice that you pray.
ReplyDeleteWe had a girl that was living with us but when some family issues came up and her mom family wanted to take her by force, they made sure they disturb the girl's life till we return her with our hand before she kill us, she started misbehaving and people will be wondering if she's the one actually committing the offence.
Please, pray for your daughter she might be under an influence beyond her, you gave birth to her, command her destiny and life with your right over her life, don't give up on her.
Felicity
Stella's comment is a big no. I know lots of children who do not have father figures or mentors in their lives but they aren't problematic.
ReplyDeleteThe poster's child wasn't disciplined properly when she was little hence her obstinacy. When kids aren't disciplined, they grow up to be wayward. Nothing is bothering her, so she doesn't have anything to heal from. She is just an ungrateful child who doesn't appreciate the sacrifices her mum and grandmother are making to educate, nurture and shelter her. .
Send the ungrateful child to a government boarding school: she will return a better person.
She needs her dad in her life, and that is why she is behaving like that; you should have trained her yourself or probably dedicate time to see her every quarter of the year. she needs her parent's love. That is where the problem is.
ReplyDeletePls, upcoming youths, refrain from premarital sex and if at all you can't keep your body, use co**om.
ReplyDeleteWhy is she staying with your mum in the first place? She needs prayer. Then take her to a social worker too. I also hope she didn't inherit this trait from her dad?
I pray God will touch her heart and she shall be your source of joy again.
"I also hope she didn't inherit this trait from her dad?"
DeleteUna h8te men here too much.
Poster who knows the father of her child did not attribute her behaviour to the father.
But you who read the chronicle is attributing.
That is where the role of a father comes in..
ReplyDeleteA man has his role for the growth of a child as a FATHER;likewise a woman..as the MOTHER.
A man can't play a motherly role;same way a woman can't play a fatherly role.
We can't go back to time for you @Poster;but hope on God that she turns out great character and emotional wise.
But if you are a young woman or man reading this;please listen!
1) Never become a Baby mama!!
2) Choose your spouse "selfishly" and Try your best not to train kids in a broken home.
Training a child is not even easy for a Husband and wife who is present;not to talk of doing it single handedly as either a Baby Mama or Baby-father.
Forget whatever you read or see online;everyone masks their pains when facing the camera or when putting it in writing.
Life isn't easy for a single parent!
Except in a case of death,abuse etc;please don't deny any child the opportunity to grow up in a stable home where the father and mother are present to guide them through childhood;plus give them the emotional support to go through life.
@Poster;may God see you through this phase;please never use CURSE for a child again;words cut deep;and sometimes "person wey talk fit forget;but person wey hear go always remember".
You are going through a phase;the Deed has been done;but keep doing your best for your child and leave the rest to God Okay,with time she might calm down but always give her room to voice out her emotions to you,then encourage her with kind words..
@MARTINS
Case closed.
DeleteI disagree with you today for the first time . It takes a stable person whether single mother or father to raise a stable child. Most damaged individuals are from toxic homes, households.
DeleteSometimes the father is not an option
DeleteThis lady has told us the child is not safe with him
Don’t send her there
Some of us grew up without a father figure (not by choice but death though) and turned out totally fine.
DeleteI agree there is the place of father's in their children's lives 💯, however in this case, the father doesn't sound like a responsible person if I were to go by the comment poster made about not trusting the child with her father plus the absence of assurance of good academic training from him.
Poster will need to take up the role of father and mother in this case.
May God help you ,parenting is not easy not to talk of a child left alone ,she need your attention and I don't know if she has gone beyond your hand,you need to spend time with her and knows why is she behaving like that maybe she might change but the time of change is getting close
ReplyDeleteDear poster I feel your pain as I am a single mom myself. Listen to Stella cause this exact thing happened to I and my daughter
ReplyDeleteShe was living with my elder sister and her kids but it was always one complaint or another, she was the black sheep amongst my sister's kids, I sent her to a boarding school and it got worse, she was so rough and inflicting injuries on herself. No amount of money i sent made her happy to the extent that she started drinking alcohol and energy drinks at 14 when I asked her why she said it was to make her sleep wow! That was how I knew something is bothering her she's not happy and needs my care and presence in her life
I got myself together and left the job that was taking my time, rented a place of my own and brought her to live with me, it was like magic! Someone that wasn't doing well in school, lack confidence and couldn't express herself is now very smart, respectful and happy
She wrote waec and made all her papers, learnt computer and working at the media department of our church, she's 18 now and wrote jamb today. I trust God to see us through the rest of our journey.
Dear sis, get yourself together and bring that child to live with you, even if it's a self contain and train her in the way you want her to go, you will never regret it
You have said it all, may God bless you for all the sacrifices you are making for your daughter and may you enjoy the fruit of your labour.
DeleteStella has said it all. Please follow her advice
DeleteWao! This is so encouraging. Please poster bring her to live with you. God will strengthen you in Jesus Name
DeleteThanks for sharing.
DeleteAwww can I like this comment a million and one times? May God continue to strengthen you and open more doors for u and your daughter.
DeleteThank God for giving you the wisdom to act right by taking her in to live with you. Poster, this is the solution- God shall do the rest on her behaviour and character. God bless.
DeleteI love your comment.
DeleteGod bless you sis 🤗
This! 💯
DeleteSounds like something happened to her or the lack of stability in her life is creating issues. Children who are lashing out are dealing with some kind of internal pain. You have provided a small snippet of your life that does not paint the full picture. Do you know if she was sexually violated at any point? Do you know if she has been bullied in the community because she is the child of a single mother? Do you even know what her day to day life is about? Does she have friends? Does she have an adult in her life that she respects?
ReplyDeleteAs you are not buoyant then find some way of getting her free counselling and get her involved in a hobby or sports so she can channel her energy in some way that moves it out of her and she can be calmer. She is still at an age where more love and kindness can help her. And you will have to spearhead the work to bring about the change. Please go find a charity or NGO focused on women's affairs and see how you and your daughter can be helped. You also have to try spending more time with your child so the streets doesn't get her, because with her rage it will be an easy transition to the streets if they right person comes along who gives her love and family that you are not.
Your mother is too old and ill for all this wahala. She needs be living in a stress free environment so she can be as well as she can be. Your child needs to be living with you and as she is not well liked in the community then you need to find some way of moving her away and raising your child, not cropping up some other plan to send her off to someone or somewhere else. You need to be raising your child yourself!
Apart from your mum, no other relatives you can send her to? Please send her to a mission school where there is zero tolerance to bad behavior. Remember her in prayer always too because the work of the devil is to destroy and kill joy.
ReplyDeleteA lot of things might be wrong with this girl that might not be discovered until you have a heart to heart talk with her.
ReplyDeleteSending her to good school cannot replace love. Though her foundation might have been shaking, may be she was over pampered which can be one of the issues affecting her now but believe me the girl is having emotional issue.
She wants to know her father, believe me. She felt abandoned. She sees her friends with their families and wishes she has one too.
Get her a good counsellor, do not send her to her father of father's family. Do not send her to boarding school.
I wish you all the best.
It's over pampering
DeleteHow is your relationship with her when you call on phone,do you pet her like how re you coping ,start with my baby girl ,my joy ,my happiness,my world ,my one and only girl shower her with praises, you see children love their parents ,I think it's the distance that's making her to feel abandoned.
ReplyDeleteWhy I'm telling you this is that your girl needs to stay with you the distance is not helping,she needs your physical touch ,the mere touch of you holding her hands, braiding her hair, dressing up and going out with her is pure bliss.
Try and get your own apartment let her stay with you pls don't send her to boarding school she has been away for sometime from you , she needs you
Pray for her ,pray with her, tell her all your efforts you re making to see that she is well off, believe me children they sees and understand,go to church with her speak positive words about her.
Believe God she will change just make this effort let God do the rest.
Remember you re the real MVP training a child alone it's not easy don't be too hard on yourself all will be well.
😘😘
See how she's even referring to the girl like trash. Some of you lack what it takes to be real mother. You want to send her everywhere but not to you. Are you her mother? You can send her to Timbuktu
ReplyDeleteYOUR life choices led to her existence!! The fact that you can even write this, ("this girl has stalled my progress physically, financially and maritally"), makes me very skeptical about the so-called love you claim you show her!
ReplyDeleteYou laid with her father and made her...yet you have detached her from one side of her family, and abandoned her with yours! Sending her to a good school is what everybody who chooses to have kids is supposed to do...so stop expecting a pat on the back! It's your responsibility!
Solution/s: be a PRESENT mother, and not one she sees once a year at Christmas! Raise your own child, rather than passing her onto others that have already raised theirs. Since your present location isn't favouring you, move closer to your family. Set up a business or get a job there.
Thank you for your comment. It may read cold. But the truth is largely bitter.
DeleteMay you make the right decision in Jesus Christ Name Amen
ReplyDeleteSome parents unknowingly enable attitudes like this. For example, those kids that were rude from childhood when they grow up they tend to be uncontrollably rude. When they started it initially, everybody would laugh over it and say she's still a kid, that's how kids behave. You will be surprised that when they grow up they'll start rubbing shoulders with their parents and guidance. This is my practical observation. Please her dad won't be able to bring her back to order. As it stands now, parents can't change her with iron fist because it's already late. If there must be iron fist, you do it just once in a while. But that should be after you must have had series of talks with her. What she needs at this stage is *talking * talk to her with wisdom, tell her about the need to obey elders , just give her wise counsels. If you don't know how to give wise counsel, please learn it from now.After you must have talked to her and she still doesn't make any effort to change, then you can discipline her, so that she will know that there are consequences for her actions.
ReplyDeleteFor the school, boarding school will really help her come down from her high horse.lol. She dare not disrespect seniors in burden school . They will show her shege. When they finish dealing with you, your parents won't be there to defend you. Those of us who attended boarding schools where discipline is their identity will understand, lol.
And lastly,do not give her opportunity to leisure at home during holidays. Whether she has graduated from secondary school or not Register her in a place where she will learn a skill but for her kind of person, don't take her to tailoring and hair dressing because all of them dey rude Let her go and learn printing,computer etc but she should learn from a female because she can't rub shoulders with a female boss like that when it comes to skill acquisition. Look for someone that she can respect and register her with.
Dear poster, raising a child is hard, especially at this teen level but... it's easier when you're doing it yourself, don't abandon the responsibility for anyone, it doesn't make sense, that child is rebellious because she lacks love and attention, she craves this attention, be in her life and give this love, you will see changes, don't call her names out of anger, she is not cursed, y'all will be fine
ReplyDeleteIntroduce her to her father..
ReplyDeleteYou think she's happy that you refuse to make her have a relationship with her father..
When them go dey tell Una, Una no goehear, Una won use pikin punish papa, now look at what you have hear
When there is a post about a man crying for his child(ren), some Bvs mock him and men generally to no end.
DeleteUnfortunately, some men careless. The father of this child may even not want to see her again and may be balling with a loving wife and other children somewhere.
Not all men suffer the proverbial want or penury life in old age because a woman took child away from them. If it were so, what about all the children taken away by paternity fraud or does knowledge of the taking away have more potency on the men?
the child may be the victim of taunts by those who know her paternity story. She may be having rejection complex - no father and mother presence in her life. Money and all material things do not take the place of parental bonding and attention. The testimony of the woman up above is enough example.
Once, a case was brought to a N.-Delta Town Union Meeting in Lagos. The child born to a N.-Deltan father and Middle-Beltan mother locked her mother's blouse and threatened to unlife herself if her mother did not take her to her father because she could no longer bear the taunts of being called a "B" (an unclaimed child). Meanwhile, the mother had only the picture of the father and remembered the man's town from when she and the man were both living together as unmarried couple in the Middle Belt. As it happened, People at the meeting recognised the man from his picture and promised to settle the matter. Imagine what would have happened if the woman did not have the picture.
There are families and men a woman cannot take a child from and have peace. Life is not always like nollywood.
Poster, go make peace with your child and with her father. Then take personal charge of your child hopefully with contributions from her father. If he refuses to contribute, move on with your child.
This is so painful to read especially as a single mum. I know we don't really look a therapists in Nigeria, but I feel you can use the help of the child therapist to really ascertain if she has a problem or is a neurological problem. She needs help before she matures further. All the best
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about what you are going through.It seems to me the child is being recalcitrant because of lack of parental care.I hope this serves as a lesson to young women who are planning to 'trap' their boyfriends with pregnancy.Please for the sake of your unborn child and the world at large,abort mission.
ReplyDeletePoster she was left way too young bring her to you she has tried grandma has tried too, you won't be happy if anything happen to your mum because of her.
ReplyDeleteDo you know it's not easy for your mum after raising you she is raising her grandchild and she has health issues, go and bring her home let her stay with you if you dare send her to boarding school she will hate you the more ,show her love when she is back try and get her Father contact let her speak with him ,sometimes its not easy esp when the man has not looked for her since then till now, but take it step by step
13 good years she don't know you ,she has not stayed with you, laughed with you, she can't even give account of your life ,your personality,she has not seen your tears,fears,worry,efforts, and sacrifices.and you want to send her further away pls have mercy so you ll reap the fruits of your labour
You re trying pls try harder this time , take all these advice and believe God he will do it no be this blog where God dey do wonders it's well. TMB
There's a void that needs to be filled and which she is earnestly yeaning for.
ReplyDeleteIt's high time you drew her closer to you . She needs your love and attention. Not Money and talks from afar . Pls kindly reach out to her create some time to be together . She will eventually come around.
I am a single mother,born into a family where my mother was happily married to my dad but I never felt any fatherly presence in my life,I suffered even though I didn't come from a broken home,my dad was so selfish to a point,I started looking out for myself immediately I left secondary school,I left the man I would have married because of his wickedness,I happily embraced single motherhood and I never regret having my daughter,we all turned out well,my daughter became a medical doctor,I am retired,please mother's listen and pay close attention to your children,money isn't everything
DeleteShe wants her mother badly and perhaps some kids might have been insulting her.
ReplyDeleteShe needs her mother. She may also be going through a lot in achool and probably being bullied.
ReplyDeleteYour presence as a mother for a daughter is very important. I had to leave my marriage of almost 4 years because he refused to let my daughter move in with us. From home I was always getting complaints about my own daughter. It’s either she’s fighting other children, disobeying my sister or just being moody. I had a very bad dream one day and gave my then husband an ultimatum. He thought I was bluffing when I packed myself and our son to my one bedroom flat and moved my daughter in. In a month, she became such a jovial soul. Even my sister could not believe it. It’s been 12 years and it’s still the most rewarding sacrifice I’ve had to make. Both my kids are well mannered, God fearing and ambitious. My daughter is my best friend and i don’t regret sacrificing my marriage just to be present for them.