Read through and see if you agree with her tips.....
She Said;
"As a woman when you are going,I advise that first trip you are going, you don't go with a gift or something too big,maybe just a basket of fruit or something you can pack for mama.
When you get there, depending on your culture.In my culture, we kneel to greet elders,as a Yoruba girl you will kneel down and remain on your knees and you will let your eyes look down, it's not like you will be staring at the mama and the baba and everybody there, you know..... Let them tell you to stand up before you stand up,even if you are an extrovert, please pretend that day... yes ma'am yes ma'am,stand up my daughter... thank you ma'am, thank you sir. Ok, so you stand up.
When you get inside sit on the very first seat, don't walk around the you know the length of the house.Just enter and sit down, when you sit down , you may not realize,they may be watching you through the keyhole, because you have gone there for your entrance exam.
Your own is more than the man,so you calmly remember what you wear will not be something you will be looking for scarf and be pushing like this and then one high heel shoe that you are shaking no no no.... Be as comfortable as possible,not that your cleavage everything is opening. If you must look around, turn your eyes not your head...just turn,be calm... you know and all that.
If they ask you any questions, answer briefly, where are you from, just answer as calmly as possible. If they're discussing or the TV is On, don't open your mouth and say, Ahhhhhhh, you see Obasanjo oh my God you know.. just shissshhhh. See Tinubu now,I voted,did you vote that day Mama... you know.
If they ask you any questions, answer briefly, where are you from, just answer as calmly as possible. If they're discussing or the TV is On, don't open your mouth and say, Ahhhhhhh, you see Obasanjo oh my God you know.. just shissshhhh. See Tinubu now,I voted,did you vote that day Mama... you know.
I know you will not finish food if they serve you,but please if the meat is tough, don't pull it, just leave it like that and make sure that no oil spills on your dress. As soon as you finish eating,I know you won't finish everything, you know. Just a little even if you are hungry, go and drink garri when you get home. But, carry your plates,make attempt to pack.. Ahhhh, my dear leave it house keepers,no ma'am, thank you ma'am.
Just be looking down,Am I pretending?No, I'm being diplomatic, carry the plates go to the kitchen, you wash. Yes, you wash the plates. Some of you go to your boyfriend's houses and you wash plates there,so we are talking about your in laws now... Wash."
All this because person wan marry? I really dont agree with the advice up there, it is not who i am and i cannot pretend....OK let us all agree and say that i do this first day i visit them, I WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN and this would make me a pretender....I make eye contact, I will look into your eyes, I will hold conversations and not sit down like a dummy
Sdk U know u dey abroad so e fit shock u say u go soon be sexyyounggrandma like omoni, so you may appreciate this advice when that your munchkins babe visits you, especially as an african
ReplyDeleteI get her points and I agree with her sans washing your plate after eating...She is just advising on cultural etiquettes and decorum when you visit people for the first time...Remember our parents are of different generation and perception matters to them...
ReplyDeleteYou can still be yourself around your potential in law without being a doormat, timid kind of person...This applies to the men too o ☺️☺️☺️
She was addressing those before her.
ReplyDeleteBy putting online, she addressed those who genuinely seek her preaching and opinions to learn, not those who seek out her preaching and opinions for criticisms .
A good Christian knows there are topics the Bible fully answers absolutely and those Christians are told to do in which culture and customs play a part.
She spoke from her cultural background which may be different fully or partly from other cultural backgrounds.
Some prospective parents -in-law care for what she spoke about, some don't care.
Most of what she said are simple courtesies. Some prospective Parents in-laws know how to ease their prospective children -in-laws into the family even at first meeting. Some parents test to the max. Plenty films have been made about this from all parts of the world.
Bottom line:
Intending couples should prepare each other for the first meeting.If you are told what you don't like and can never do, end the relationship.
Certainly, women complaints will be much under this post 🤭
I agree totally with you.
DeleteYou spoke with wisdom, I agree with everything. People's advice, comments and worldview are shaped by their experiences and culture, which is as diverse as our ethnicities and tribes. We won't all be the same. Being courteous is good, some families are welcoming, some are not. Some can pretend, others cannot. Even our personalities differ, God created a broad world.
DeleteWell all she listed is normal courteous behaviour as an African. I think she's saying just comport yourself don't go and overdo. Which in my opinion is not wrong.
ReplyDeleteI don't totally agree with everything she said. Why should I act reserved and not look into your eyes, when it takes me exactly five minutes of watching a person to know who they are?
ReplyDeleteI will watch you closely and know if you two are the kind of people I want to have as parents-in-law. Or do you think you are the only one doing the assessing?
Twins ♊ Squared.
Abi ,you too are also assessing them
DeleteSome Nigerian cultures it's rude to look an elder in the eye. When I came to America I learned that it is rude to avoid eye contact when speaking to someone. The culture shock eh. So if you are widely traveled, your worldview will differ. We also have tribal/culture shock within Nigeria 😂😂😂
DeleteWell, to some extent.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if they are Yoruba, you need to kneel to greet them or as a guy you prostrate. It shows respect.
This reminds me of a guy that went to see his fiancee parents for the very first time and went inside their sitting room with a cigarette in his hand that he was smoking, he felt too big to even prostrate to greet his fiancee parents, he offered them a handshake, the lady was already pregnant then, las las the wedding didn't hold.
Soo, you need to comport yourself, don't go there as a lady and remove your wig because you are feeling heat or you want to be free or go there and allow your voice to overshadow everyone's own because you want to put mouth in all the conversations or go there and finish eating and break bones, haa, eat from your house oh, or go there and begin to kiss the guy in front of his parents, Yoruba parents especially cannot relate oh, infact they didn't dey.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 your last paragraph off me. If the bone is soft nko???
DeleteAbi like Pst Mrs said, don't go there and drag meat and finish food. Na dat kind meat dey sweet sef and you no go fit finish am. Me aah no too like to dey waste food, so na small I go remain.😒
Deletebetter the lady just be her real self, being conscious and respectful abeg than go there to pretend
ReplyDeleteUna no talk on time, I don go fumble 😭😭
ReplyDeleteNa Yoruba you wan marry? Abeg face front
Delete🤣🤣. Pele o
DeleteChai
DeleteChai
DeleteMiss Aboki, me sef fumble oooh! Thirteen years down that road but I no regret am sha!
DeleteLMAO
DeleteI thought we agreed that what works for A may not work for B
Do you feel like this will/have put a dent in your relationship?
DeleteI ask cuz i did not do all she said o, i was busy assessing them too and pretty much being myself.
Hannah you are not a pretentious person, you can't even pretend to save your life and that is very okay
This her advice is good o, but a lot of people have done the opposite and still gotten welcomed by their bf/fiance family😘
Gifty
Funny enough what's meant to be is meant to be, so you might still be just fine.
DeleteThe first day I went to see my Inlaw’s, as if my now wife told them my weak point(fried turkey). Omo they brought the turkey like this,fried and peppered. I didn’t know before I ate like 4 big turkey o but my mother inlaw later said that’s when she loved me cos I didn’t waste her efforts.Sometimes you can follow pastors advice and just fumble it too.its been almost 10 years of love and patience .
DeleteAwww nice one 16:39.
Delete😂🤣🤣
DeleteIn essence, just behave yourself
ReplyDeleteAbi, no go there dey do gragra.
DeleteAll these advise is simply telling a person to pretend to be who they are not. I agree respecting the in-laws is a must but abeg women are not robot let them be
ReplyDeleteJust be yourself, no go do pass yourself. All these rules on top relationship.
ReplyDeleteThose saying a lady should be her real self, go big man house and display your real self na. everything is life is about timing, nothing pretentious here. with time as you get used to his family, your real self starts showing, ether for good or for bad.
ReplyDeleteFirst impression matters...and you see those future MILs, they will draw your true character out of you eventually.
Last last in law way wan show you shege go still show you shege *rolleyes*
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaaaaa....... una no quick drop update. Abi na why I never marry be this??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteWell, all I can deduce from the whole writeup is that where ever you go, be yourself and be conscious of your behaviour. First impressions matters a lot. Just because you want to show you're not pretending shouldn't make you act uncultured.
It's normal. Just have sense and behave yourself.
ReplyDeletelol @ tough meat. This one would catch me cause my face would tell I am not enjoying the food.
ReplyDeleteAny tips for how to keep a neutral face, ma? Cause for some of us everything is showing on our face😂
Be yourself....do not pretend. However still maintain decorum and respect. All the avoid eye contact is all bladderdash. Be ur self,u wil stil find ur person.
ReplyDeleteVery sound advice
ReplyDeleteOn top one oloriburuku somebody?
ReplyDelete😂
DeleteDon't pretend but ensure you wash plates after being served
ReplyDeleteIf you do this in my house we won’t like you
ReplyDeleteKneeling is fine but not looking up and insisting on washing plate would get kinda annoying. We are a happy bunch and we treat guests with great kindness. We don’t want you in the kitchen the first day and we want you to relax and gist well. I will say don’t put us through too much trouble by insisting on eating something that is hard to make and do clean the restroom to be how you met it when you go in there
Correct family, like mine. We hate pretenders.
DeleteBut do you go to someone's house as a visitor or guest, they serve you food and you carry plates to the kitchen to wash??? Not everyone allows visitors in their kitchen.
ReplyDeleteEven if she wants to prove wife material to the mother_inlaw, is her boyfriend that is supposed to assist her to do that as she is visiting for the first time.
Ndeewo.
DeleteI will do all she says, but that meat issue, the only thing that will make me not to finish it is when the meat is more than two pieces or tuff, two meats isn't too much for a guest.
ReplyDeleteAs a guest try to finish the food if you served yourself
ReplyDeleteI usually have guests serve themselves so if you leave food abeg who go chop and. If you get full and can’t finish no problem. But try to take only what you can eat and finish the plate
My colleague canceled his marriage because his babe knelt down to greet his eldest brother and his wife. His parents are dead so his eldest brother is the father of the home. He said that the babe was being pretentious. We are all from the South East.
ReplyDeleteIn my own family it was my Mum and my brother’s fiancé . My Mum said she had a shifty character because she refused to look into her eyes. That she kept looking away instead of looking at her eyes. She said you get to know people when you look into their eyes.
This life no overdo oo
ReplyDeleteBobrisky please take good note
ReplyDeleteWahala, I beg I prefer to just be myself jare what is all this karamo?
ReplyDeleteHahahaha Nigerian women have suffered,I bet THEOPHILUS SUNDAy's wife didnt know of all these tips😱
ReplyDelete🤣 "go home and drink garri"?
ReplyDeleteOh well, I totally understand what she's trying to say up there. Just be of good character
This should be "how to pass Cambridge etiquette exam"
ReplyDelete