CHEATING HUSBAND SITUATION
Dear Stella,
I need the advice if blog visitors who has experienced what I an currently going through and how they survived it
I recently discovered that my husband had an affair with a long time friend. They didn't just have an emotional affair, it was also s#xual. Even though they leave in different states but they saw about twice and had s#x.
Initially he denied with the , we are just friends but when I showed him all that I know, he couldn't say anything.
He has been apologizing that I should find a place to forgive him. In about 10 years of our marriage, this is the first time I am experiencing this with him
He's been very sober and begging daily. I packed my bags that I was leaving with the kids and he's been begging
I want to know from fellow blog visitors who had been here at any point in their marriage how they dealt with a situation like this. Forgiveness is tough and I can't forget. How did they manage through. The ones who forgave, whats the state of your marriage now. The ones who left, do you have any regret?
This is the first time I am catching him in this. And I have a gut feeling this is his first time.
I work and earn well. I can take care of my kids. But I do not want to make a rash decision especially because he is remorseful. He's been fasting for days now asking God for mercy but I'm less bothered. I just don't want to make a rash decision...
Dear Stella,
I need the advice if blog visitors who has experienced what I an currently going through and how they survived it
I recently discovered that my husband had an affair with a long time friend. They didn't just have an emotional affair, it was also s#xual. Even though they leave in different states but they saw about twice and had s#x.
Initially he denied with the , we are just friends but when I showed him all that I know, he couldn't say anything.
He has been apologizing that I should find a place to forgive him. In about 10 years of our marriage, this is the first time I am experiencing this with him
He's been very sober and begging daily. I packed my bags that I was leaving with the kids and he's been begging
I want to know from fellow blog visitors who had been here at any point in their marriage how they dealt with a situation like this. Forgiveness is tough and I can't forget. How did they manage through. The ones who forgave, whats the state of your marriage now. The ones who left, do you have any regret?
This is the first time I am catching him in this. And I have a gut feeling this is his first time.
I work and earn well. I can take care of my kids. But I do not want to make a rash decision especially because he is remorseful. He's been fasting for days now asking God for mercy but I'm less bothered. I just don't want to make a rash decision...
*Hahahaha fasting indeed...All na wash!
if you decide to stay, please find out why he did what he did and what the attraction was to your friend, otherwise it may happen with another friend!
Ask him what he would do if the tables were turned and it was you that cheated... His reaction is very important!
Me sef go cheat...start my own fasting
ReplyDeleteAwon werey
Make I hear say he dey fast😁😁😁 men will never change
DeletePoster, you alone can make the decision that is best for you. Yes, you can make an informed decision based on what pieces of information you can pick from all the replies. At this stage many things will be running through your mind. I believe you have passed the denial stage; you are not at the stage where you are mad. After the madness will be a stage of resentment, hatred, and even when you might blame yourself for his misdeeds. Whatever you are feeling is normal. Your husband state of mind now is the stage of regret, begging, making amends but it needs more than that to re-build the stained relationship. I believe it hurts most because you knew the other lady you suspected, asked, and was lied to. Before you make any long-term decisions, can you evaluate your relationship with your husband?
Delete• What brought about his relationship with the other lady?
• How is the relationship at home?
• Is your husband going through any emotional, spiritual, or physical problems?
• Was he trying to feel loved and cared for?
• Did he and does he feel man enough?
• Did he tell you why he did what he did?
From your narrative, this is a lone case, with somebody you have been suspecting before now. So, it is not a one-night stand or a drunk state act, it happened and repeated itself. That lady is more than a ‘friend’. Opposite gender can be best friends without having a sexual relationship. A good friend will not even support your unfaithfulness, not to talk of being the reason you are unfaithful. Men, despite age and position also craves for attention, love, care, and pampering. When they feel the kids have taken over their wives, out of ego and pride they will not calmly point it out to their wives, rather they will start craving undivided love and care. When they don’t shake that feeling off as a stage of life, they have the tendencies of falling in the arms of someone who knows exactly what they are craving for… the so called ‘friends’.
If you decide to stay back, you need to brace yourself for a lot of fights, tears, and flashbacks. The trust is broken and will take a lot of discipline, work and resolve to restore. Your husband is the one that will invest in restoring trust. You will have moments where you will doubt everything he says and does, you will have imaginations of what he was like under or on top of the other lady, you will compare yourself to her, you will guilt trip your husband randomly with his actions. You will need self or professional therapy to live with that betrayal and will need a sincere prayer to forgive and suppress the betrayal because you can never FORGET.
If you decide to walk away from the marriage, you owe your kids an explanation of what happened when they can understand, and they will ask you why you did not forgive him. You will suspect every man in your life even if he is a renowned saint. There is no guarantee that the next man will not cheat. Cheating hurts, kills, and lives non-healing wounds. You alone know what you can do. But if I may suggest, you can request a little separation to work through your feelings away from him. Separation might help you make an informed decision. But no matter what happens, do not cheat back. You will feel worse that what you are feeling right now. You know your husband more than all of us here, you know the best decision. The man you want to forgive is not the one fasting now, but the one that evolve tomorrow.
Wow olannaya.....are you a therapist, psychologist or counselor? Cos I'm impressed!
DeleteYou gave her all she needs do...she just needs to think things thru b4 she acts. Mehnnnn.....cheating isn't a good thing at all....it spoils everything.
I'm terribly sorry that you have to go through this. Nothing hurts like finding out your man or woman is cheating.
ReplyDeleteTo be frank with you, nothing will change for the better. This hurt you feel now will last a while. You will never trust him again and his touch may probably even irritate you.
But you need to be very objective about your action going forward. You want to leave your home and possibly become a side-chic to another married man? You want to leave your home for another woman to come and take over? Or you want to stay behind while you cheat back? There aren't any good options right?
Take some time away from your home so that you can fully access the situation. You need to be clear headed. If you randomly fall on a dick, then that's too bad but just maintain your focus if you can.
Take your time, heal and then return to your marriage and see how to make it work. If it happens again from either of you, then you guys should go for divorce. Simple.
I think you guys should go for marriage counselling by a professional marriage counsellor. Since this is the 1st time, then don't divorce him. Do a lot of work on the marriage. I kinda think it's almost impossible for a man that is financially comfortable to cheat. A man that is poor and still cheats is a hopeless case
ReplyDeleteI do not support cheating is was wrong and nothing should justify what he has done. Please don't leave the marriage bcos of God, children and it might break both of you emotionally. God heal your heart and mend you both.
ReplyDeleteYes,it’s hurt deeply!especially wen u are faithful to him in d marriage.I have been there,mine wasn’t marriage but in our relationship,he begged n begged,told me,no woman will ever takes my place,told me how much he loves me n these statements hurts me more.As in,how do u hurt one u claimed u love so much….Dear Poster,please take ur time to get over this n please don’t take any decision at d moment till u are calm emotionally n psychologically….let him know,it’s difficult to trust him again!
Delete"I packed my bags that I was leaving with the kids and he's been begging...
ReplyDeleteI work and earn well. I can take care of my kids..."
The only time they tell you the kids are yours is when they need your money. Otherwise , you're as good as useless. The kids are always theirs until they meet a brickwall and need you urgently. I restate again, marriage is solely for a woman. That is why they crave for it more. That is why you see them jumping like people wey bee sting on 'their' wedding day while the man broods. They go to any length to make that day happen. What does that tell you? As a man, you absolutely stand to gain nothing from marriage. You're merely being used to fulfil someone else's aspirations. No carry woman or even children for head. You're always the stranger in that house.
Madam, I have a candid advice for you. Carry your load and dump his ass! Remember you earn well. Don't look back even if his entire community comes to beg you. Pour them water if them come. Go ahead and live your baby girl life, after all, men are scum.
You think you're doing him any favours by being married to him? Mba. It's the other way round. Comot for that marriage and see what your life will be like. You want to listen to the frustrated women here who left theirs? Everyone knows women never tell their fellow women the truth. They'd want you to join the misery company. They don't wanna be alone in pain. Man dey even cry beg you, and your body dey hot! Comot for that marriage, body go tell you. The same women who pulled you out will mock you.
Lol...I hate to agree..but women are already ready to get in with him..God help Us!!
DeleteMarriage of 10 years with little kids. You expect a mother to leave behind the little kids under 10 years to stay behind with the father who will likely bring a new woman home so she can then the children to slaves? Do you have sense at all? She should leave the kids with the father so he can distribute them to his sisters and mothers to be helping him to take care of their everyday needs.
DeleteDid she say 'my kids' she said 'the kids' so where did she emphasise on the kids being hers?
Aside from the case of the kids, I hope if a woman cheats this is the advice you will give the man. Very sick human. Look at how he twisted everything while ignoring the dirty cheat. I am not surprised after all you already said it here all your friends who are married are chronic cheats.
No wonder you keep whining about being single for many years and no woman has snagged you since you left and came back.
Several true words @Ceaser.
DeleteAnytime I see a groom and his groomsmen all dancing scatter body than the bride and her bridesmaids, I feel for the wife.
Maybe it is because I am a male. It is just akward in light of marriage this side of the world.
But adultery is wrong. It is painful to both men and women. No support from me for it at all at all.
Poster, sorry. Pray for God's guidance and obtain actionable ironclad assurances from your husband going forward if you choose to stay.
Poster do not mind this devilish advice from the pit of hell ooo
DeleteAbeg please forgive him
As long as he's being Remorseful 🙏🙏🙏
But watch him closely with ya two eyes ooo..
@ Anon 16:06, Poster made use of "my kids", read the chronicle again, Ceaser even highlighted it in his comment.
Delete@ Ceaser, you made your points but please note marriage is not solely for women. Men do benefit from marriage as well. If not for the immorality in the world at large today. It's a thing of prestige for men.
I'll give you one example, my bf and his partner are Engineer, they collaborated to get building projects and road construction. They lie to their clients they're married with twins or 3 kids, so they don't look at them as small boys.
Even some landlords prefer to rent to married men than bachelors.
Family and kids wise, it depends on how you treat/groom your children. Being a good role model as a father is very impactful, my father does this and more. And we don't joke with him.
Good Marriage is good for both parties, it creates security and sanity in our society.
@17:54
DeleteBalanced comments.
But marriage is mainly gainful to the woman. That's why a woman loses interest in it or some acts of it once her
purpose of the marriage is served even if the man holy pass Prophets Elijah and Elisha combined.
Check up Briffault's law.
Society gives privileges to both men and women regarding marriage. Your example of landlords apply to both unmarried women and men.
However, adultery should not be supported under any form of wokeness or gender advocacy.
16:06
DeleteLet us take it easy.
Fathers take care of their kids too. Some do it better than their wives.
The old stereotype needs to change.
"Madam, I have a candid advice for you. Carry your load and dump his ass! Remember you earn well. Don't look back even if his entire community comes to beg you. Pour them water if them come. Go ahead and live your baby girl life, after all, men are scum."
DeletePLEASE TAKE THE ABOVE ADVICE.. NA BEG I DEY BEG YOU. DON'T FORGIVE THE SCUM,. TAKE YOUR KIDS AND LEAVE..
I don't know the kind of men we have in this country now, . If I be that man, as you don't catch me, na me go just carry my load commot the house jeje say I no marry again.. Lol.. shebi you don go find wetin no loss, you Sabi do FBI wella.. na that time your eye go clear.. make I see if no be you go dey beg say you don forgive am, after all na just one time..
Na the man wet dry cry and fast to beg you I blame..
Carry the kids and go naw, as na you impregnate yourself to born them.. see your mouth.. those kids are his as much as they're yours and you have no right to take them away.. you can only pack your luggages and leave alone until the court decide custody..
Na the men wey dey always beg Una dey cause all these nonsense
Bee Hill, parents say that all the time, even those in happy marriages, especially when it is just one parent talking about their kids. It doesn't mean they feel the kids belong to them alone. He was just looking for a loophole in her comment, he felt he saw one and ran with it. No comment about the cheater who slept with his friend. Even trying to make him look like a prize. If it was a man who wrote that, do you think the same advice would apply?
DeleteBitter Caesar is back. Take advise from bitter people at your detriment. They colour everything with their foul world view, because they want you to occupy their misery. Dear poster, apart from your finances, your health and mental wellness are important, alongside your kids. If you are a praying woman, let God guide you. If he is truly repentant and willing to do the work of building back trust, in time things may get better, or not......... Marital counseling may help also at this time. You definitely need some space to figure out your next move. It should be the one that would give you peace. I wish you well.
DeleteWell, I never experienced this personally, I just sat on the sidelines. My dad cheated plenty, even got an outside child, I also think he messed around with one of my aunts, although I have no proof. My mom got involved with someone else, she cheated too with this person. My parents eventually broke up and honestly the breakup was the best thing for them, the life got calmer. Of course my dad begged and begged. My mom married her person and they have been together now for almost 40 yrs.
ReplyDeleteThe issue for you is that the cheating was not some random person but your close friend which brings on a different dynamic. Staying with your husband may feel like you’re staying with a defective product for the sake of pity. Building trust once again is possible if you are able to forget, but if you are going to become hyper vigilant and monitoring his every move then it is not worth it, the marriage will become a prison. You know yourself better than anyone else, you know what you can handle. Perhaps negotiating something for yourself to stay may make it easier, maybe you negotiate your name being fully added on all asset ownership documents, maybe you negotiate a sum of money for yourself. Whatever you do man make sure your spirit is at peace and you can live with it.
You're so grounded 😘😘
DeleteIf I had read your comment, I wouldn't have bothered with mine. I agree.
DeleteYour mom is a strong woman. I am sure they would have scared her too that no man would want her and try to deceive her into tolerating the cheating the same way some are doing right now.
DeletePoster should only stay if she can handle it as you said and not out of fear.
Must men cheat?? My husband will cheat and when you confront him, he will apologise and behave for a while. Then go back to cheating.. I don't even know to confront him again because he ll be sober for a while and still go back to it.
ReplyDeleteNot all men cheat in relationship or in marriage.
DeleteSome men and women cheat in marriage.
If you make this Post a gender issue, you may shift its focus and shortchange the Poster of the help she seeks.
This whole cheating thing is kind of strange to me. Cheating is not one of my insecurities for some weird reason and doesn't give me sleepless nights or pain. Maybe, it's the reason I hardly get cheated on. A Faithful man is a prayer request I never ask God for cos he blessed me with it. And I don't even mind..
DeleteWell Poster, I am not trying to invalidate your feelings. But one thing I know is think it through before making a decision to leave to avoid regrets. Unless, you are fully okay with being single with your kids, leaving with the hopes of remarrying another man with your kids isn't safe to me. Before, this can even happen, the numerous dating phases is no joke! Its disastrous.
So think it through
Weigh it
ReplyDeleteDon’t leave because of anyone
Leave if you want to. Stay if you want to
My own relative stayed. She doesn’t regret it. But staying is not due everyone
If you want to stay, don’t tell anyone except for your most trusted confidantes about it because long after you’ve forgiven the people you told will still Remember
For me it easier to let go of hurt if no one knows about it. But that’s me.
Don't tell anybody.
DeleteSomething learned .
Well done
This!
DeleteDon’t leave because of anyone
Leave if you want to. Stay if you want to.
Leave to live
Bottling things up may not be really healthy. The issue is finding the right person or persons to unburden to. It definitely shouldn't be to any Tom, Dick or Harriet.
Delete21:14 once I tell my stress level increases. I don’t enjoy the relief it brings others
DeleteAbeg if having the gut feeling that is the his first time makes you feel better. That's fine. But it was not his first time. That being said. I hope when you leave you won't be sleeping with people husband. Be living in a dream world. I have no advice for u.
ReplyDeleteNa wetin dey tire me for some women, they end up being side chicks to married, Ridiculous!!
DeleteKe zi di need?
If you know you will leace your home and start jumping all over the place in the name of looking for again or dating married men
Nnem biko kwechiri, noro ebe ino, nosi ke!! Nothing dey street.
Move out first ( for at least 2 weeks). You can stay in a hotel, or with a trusted family member.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to convey the principle that infidelity is intolerable and CAN lead to the end of the union. He needs to understand this. If he gets off too easy, he will not learn any lesson and may just become better at concealing his infidelity.
Take the children or leave them with him, whichever you consider appropriate.
Tell him to nominate a counsellor/mentor of his choice, that you are willing to undergo fidelity recovery counselling with him, but there are no guarantees that you may be able to let it go.
You actually need counselling, so that you both can talk about your issues in a controlled environment, with the help of a counselor.
Tell him to come up with an accountability plan and present them to you. He should also tell you the safeguards he has put in place to avert a reoccurrence.
You have to be intentional in dealing with this issues, so that the chances of its reoccurring would be lower.
No matter what, ensure you move back home at least after 2 weeks. When he remembers this event, he must recall that 'My wife moved out on account of my infidelity and was ready to end the union".
He needs to understand that.
Please don't consider divorce, it may not be the best option, especially if he has been a good partner and dad before now.
But please strengthen your heart, because even the best of men/husbands may often falter and disappoint us. So give room for a little disappointment occasionally.
Best advice
DeletePoster i want to commiserare with you on the end of your marriage as you know it. My heart really goes out to you. I can imagine how your world must have started spinning the moment you found out and it has probably been spinning till then. Im very sorry.
DeleteI generally agree with the sentiments of the above comment except for the last two paragraphs. Giving room for this kind of disappountment again makes the marriage one in name only, it becomes a useless marriage.
If you decide to stay, make sure your husband is fully accountable for thisvthing he did. Let him present you with a full plan of how he intends not to commit this atrocity again. And he must undergo personal counseling even as you both do marriage counseling. Ha has to put in work to get your relationship back to a semblance of what it was before.
Poster did you say he has been fasting 😂 you people are funny oo
ReplyDeleteAnyways I personally will never leave my marriage because of cheating,leave for who? leave go where?? Hian
Fan Emmanuel
🤣🤣🤣. As kind as domestic violence isn't involved, I go no where
DeleteMy sister ehn 😂 it’s only domestic violence that will make me leave
DeleteFan Emmanuel
I don't think you should break the union. Forgive him, demand accountability and TRULY LET GO!!!
ReplyDeleteFind ways to deal with the bitterness that would occasionally tug at your heart. Forget the urge to ask questions like WHY!!!! Because it is most likely that it was pure LUST, and the appeal of a new vagin**( one that he doesn't own) that propelled him. Men see a woman with big ass and think sex, they see a slim babe with small protruding ass and still think sex.
So don't go seeking answers, resist the temptation to enter into mental competition with the girl he cheated with.
Remember that he didn't cheat because you were not good enough, he cheated because he was just looking for excitement, something different, something new. If he marries that new woman, he may still cheat.
So always remember that what he did had absolutely nothing to do with you.
Now, when you forgive, do not hold on to bitterness, resist the urge to reference that event. That's why it is best to go for counselling, so you can talk about it exhaustively, once and for all.
If you hold on to bitterness and unforgivness, you will ruin the marriage (I know what I am talking about).
So let it go, forgive him (teach him a tough lesson of course) , and continue with the marriage.
Do you want the bitter truth?
ReplyDeleteYour husband will continue to cheat with her and any other woman who is open to it. He will cover his tracks well and you won't suspect anymore. You will think he has changed and start to love him over again, then if he isn't smart enough or he feels he has gained your trust, he will slip and you will start nagging again. You will complain till you get tired and later cheat in return or eventually leave. I have seen different kinds of scenarios in my line of work. Some leave and some cheat in return. It never goes back to normal.
I wish you the best!
Not everyone cheats again
DeleteAnd that’s a fact
16:36 Can you quote the part where I wrote that everyone cheats?
DeleteRead well next time.
You said he will continue to cheat with her.
DeleteDo you know him?
If no, your comment is based on "once a cheat, always a cheat". And that means everyone who has cheated, cheats again continuously.
You said what the Bv debunked. But you didn't you use everyone - Political use of words
She caught him unawares, she put their affair, plans, and their next scheduled appointment on pause abruptly.
DeleteIt wasn't a self-made decision by the man due to remorse or self-reflection but an imposed one by her, hence my comment about him going back.
I wasn't speaking about men who cheat, I don't know them neither do I know hers.
Don't leave bcos of anyone, and don't ever think that he will change . But if you can manage the situation then stay . In my own case we have been together for 15 plus , 15 yrs of cheating and lies . I hide it from the kids and from everyone not until recently that I open up to people .I battling so many infection , low self esteem, and anger issue. I refuse to divorce bcos of my kids . Any woman he dated he tells her my life and my children life history. Sorry my sister I do not have an advice to give you, may the Lord direct your path. I can't tell you to pack your bags when am still in it.
ReplyDeleteYou are right pls. You shouldn’t have any advice for her pls.
DeleteYvonne, your comment made me laugh out my heart!😆 🤣 😄 😂
DeleteYvonne! 😁
DeleteMany Men always cheat, for no good reason at all.
ReplyDeleteA man who was newly married was begging me to allow him just put in the tip, meanwhile he had a young wife, who was younger than me by almost 8 years and with whom he could have full, unrestrained sexual intercourse.
So tell me what he wanted from the surface of my vag**a, that he couldn't get from his wife.
Yours is remorseful, forgive him and start building your life.
Don't live for him and the children alone, we keep getting older everyday, so live for yourself also.
Plan trips and vacation, with family, as well as friends. Go for church/religious programmes, conventions, out-of-state trainings, out-of-state weddings, birthdays. Travel, spend your money, do girls night out with your friends.
LIVE!!!!! Don't give up on fun and enjoyment because of marriage. Please. All these will help you not to live in bitterness and resentment. Build a social life, keep a social network, keep friends.
When you build a thriving life outside of him, you won't feel like you gave up your life for him. Love him and treat him right, but don't go overboard making sacrifices for him. Do your best, without depriving yourself of anything good. That's what I learnt after I have up everything for a man who dumped me unapologetically, despite all the sacrifices I made for him.
He was surprised that I didn't go maaaad when he left me, after almost one decade together. Finally, guard your heart, so that nothing will break you.
Excellent advice..
DeleteCall it cheating or whatever, but see ehh, some men are strongly attracted to some ladies. And they don't ever give up until they penetrate her. It is a very powerful thing. Only a few men can control themselves.
The advice women and men overseas give when it has to do with cheating is different from that of Nigerians.
ReplyDeleteThe mentality is so different
Interesting!
It is because living is local no matter which country you live.
DeleteTrue@16:23 The advice Oyinbo people gives is different from the advice Nigerian people give. A white woman would have flunged him outta door
DeleteNot really true.
DeleteCondonation of spousal wrongs is universal on the one hand and personal on the other hand.
DeleteEven in Nigeria, there are women who do not tolerate adultery. One woman wrote here once that she was on her fourth marriage because of adultery by her previous husbands. Some women have been known not to accept some types of insults or bad behaviour in marriage.
What the Abroadians say more is go for counseling, etc.
Since this cheating was with a familiar person,it hurts more deeply and will be hard to forgive or forget. Honestly,I sad 😔
ReplyDeletedo what you want but ask the other person so that she will know you know
ReplyDeleteHas he gone for STD and STI tests?
ReplyDeleteIt really sad, this is happening to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's wrong in all shades of light for anyone to cheat on his/her partners.
But why do I have this feeling, you are sounding this way because you feel you have money to take care of yourself and the kids and also I sense you contribute more than your husband.
Just be careful what you wish for and like people have already said, please don't go after other people husband.
A home can't be stable if there's no peace and for peace to reign,we must forgive one another.its very hard to forgive,but when christ reigns in you,it becomes very easy forgiving.
ReplyDeleteIt takes the grace of God to overcome when tempted by some demonic ladies whose aim is to destroy happy homes.
Poster,the devil is attacking marriages and trying to divert the attention of men away from the true purpose in which God made marriages in the first place. No human is perfect.we often make mistakes.if you leave this man and move to another.if something like this happen,will you still leave again?
Pls forgive him, take it to God in prayers and discuss with him regularly.he needs to realize careless actions like this could ruin happy homes.
So should she make an appointment with the devil and tell him to stop attacking her marriage? Apart from praying what practical advice can be provided? I am sure she already knows prayer is an option.
DeleteHe has been fasting 😆😆😆
ReplyDeleteYup, pretend fasting while he stuffs his face outside of the home. I bet if the poster puts up hidden cameras she will learn a whole lot more.
DeleteIf he's remorseful, please forgive and maybe seek therapy to heal. Some people do things like this and are very unremorseful. I don't know why men always feel the need to step out, but please forgive him
ReplyDeleteIf this was a man complaining...
DeleteYes oh fasting indeed.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteSo in Nigeria, women who end up divorcing their husbands, now go after other women's husbands? Is that the in thing now? Cause the advice on here seems to suggest that? Mmmmh, wow!
ReplyDeleteThat's very true. Even though not all women do it, you are reading realtime facts based comments.
DeleteDon't mind, villanizing women because to their low minds all women cannot live without man or married men are such a catch or single men have stopped existing
DeleteCheating men and scare tactics sha😂
ReplyDeletelook at that one that calls himself cease telling her that, when she gets divorced, she won't get any man to take her seriously but instead she will start sleeping with other people's husband.
If she leaves her husband and she steps out, are there not divorced men out there,
Widowers
and single fathers also?
So why are you trying to gaslight her into staying if she wants to leave?
She should stay there at the expense of her mental health? What am I even saying? I have forgotten mental health means nothing to some of you in una country.
Any small thing, "don't go after people's husbands" meanwhile some of the real culprits cheating with your cheating husbands are equally married women like you right under your noses but you can't suspect because after all they are married.
Poster, I am not saying you should leave or stay. Dem no dey teach pesin. What am I saying is, if you decide to leave don't leave with a scarcity mindset.
When a man wants to leave a cheating wife, they don't tell him, "don't leave".
Even the one trying to make you look stupid up there in the comment, won't tell your husband to stay back with a cheating wife or else na slay queen he go carry neither will he tell your husband how he himself has been trying to get one good woman to marry all these while to no avail and nothing dey outside so he should stay with you if you and manage you with your cheating ways.
Point of correction @20:20
DeleteMen are advised to stay with cheating wives too. One of the grounds used is same for women - little children. It is generally accepted though not 100% true that step mothers don't do step children good.
Even under native law and traditional marriages, cheating wives are allowed to stay after sacrificial atonement and cleansing.
Recently an obituary was posted here calling the wife of the deceased husband adulterous. Back story has it that the man died because he knew of and was condoning the adultery of the woman.
The acts of wives some Nigerian husbands cover and condone in marriage are more than the typical Nigerian woman gives them credit for.
@ 21:41 So men are advised by their fellow men to stay with a cheating wife, the same way most are advising this woman right now? If it was a man who wrote this would the few men who commented including you advise he stay back?
DeleteEverything no be argument abeg! abeg!
The fourth paragraph is so true. But divorced women are always the ones being dragged.
DeleteWasn't it written here that a lot of Married people are cheating on their spouses with their married counterparts?
Poster, what has happened is painful., but the truth is this isn't the first time that your hubby is doing it, it's just that you beat him to it. It's very very difficult to forget, you might forgive him. My advice is pls, forgive him and forget all those his drama of fasting😃😃. Shine your eyes Wella. Don't never make the mistake of trusting him wholeheartedly again so that you don't have a heart break. Don't back out of your home because your hubby cheated and stay away from that your so called friend. It's well with you and the Lord will heal you☺️
ReplyDeleteUnless you never dated a married man,. You have no right whatsoever to be mad..
ReplyDeleteTho, even tho sha, he no suppose do am with close person, e for be with random person..
I don't understand how most of you people bring your friends close to your bf/husband..
The other day, that's how that one took her friend to travel to Niger state or so to go and visit her boyfriend for days..
Una no get sense?
Baba you don come back from your sabbatical? Try to dey cut our women some slack once in a while na. You dey too harsh I swear.
DeleteThe babe dey go through a lot already you come dey pepper her on top.
From her post you suppose no say na wife wey never really open eye if she think say na the first time her husband dey run racket be dat.
Any man wey go lash him wife friend don dey lash outside tay tay na why him no send the risk of being found out be dat.
@Dante, you must still find a way to blame the woman for what her husband did? So men are now dogs who shag anyone and everyone? Pls give your gender some dignity, some of them still have some self-control!
DeleteDear poster, Cheating in marriage is painful to the partner who has been cheated upon. My piece of advice to you is, whatever your decision is, don't decide that you will cheat back. I watched a simple production on Omoni Oboli TV titled "One of us is lying." You may consider watching it. May God guide you and help you make the right decision.
ReplyDeleteOP, can I be brutally honest? You said this is the first time your husband is cheating? Don't make me laugh. You say your husband is fasting? Fasting for what? That God should kill his penis? The hell is he fasting for?
ReplyDeleteI sense you are more financially stable than your husband. It will always come at a price. The typical Nigerian male rubbish.
Now, for your husband to even think of having an affair with your friend only means one thing. He has gotten comfortable in his cheating ways and was careless enough that he even went for your friend.
Ask your friend if you can. She will tell you your husband's other escapades. Married cheating men hardly go for their wives friends the first time. It takes a core, craven and crass cheat to cheat with his wife's friend.
Your husband is not remorseful by any means. Forget the acting. That fasting na only for your face. Whatever you do, don't be the one who loses out.
I'll say this in conclusion.
THE PERSON WHO VALUES THE MARRIAGE MOST, IS THE ONE WHO SUFFERS IN IT.
Make of this what you will.
Can I like this comment a hundred times. Poster be wise. Protect yourself. Protect your assets. Demand more. Demand boundaries.
DeleteDemand more money. Yes. Cheating involves money so make him pay for more than what he is paying for in the house and save like hell.
Also live for yourself. Demand full tests to be done before you continue s#x and let him know that the next time will be a deal breaker for you. Also be vigilant. Me who cheat open thier families to all sort of attacks so be vigilant spiritually
If things don’t get better. Bet on yourself and take a walk.
Zendaya
Poster, you should be happy you have a man that is remorseful after cheating,. Please forgive him and move on. If you leave your home, the other woman will move in. On the other hand, where is that faithful man out there , am not sure their are faithful man around. Even finding husband is not even easy not to talk about finding a man that will be faithful to you with children. Stay put, show him love and make your marriage work. As long as your husband is doing his fatherly duties and taking care of you. Forgive and stay. This is coming from a woman to that is always around other women and seen and heard stories of marital challenges
ReplyDeleteRemorseful?
DeleteWhat a scarcity mindset and internalised misogyny in a woman. What marriage? It is now your idol 10:03 that accountability, decorum and self respect should only come from the woman abi? Tufiakwa,
DeleteWhat a scarcity mindset and internalised misogyny in a woman. What marriage? It is now your idol 10:03 that accountability, decorum and self respect should only come from the woman abi? Tufiakwa,
DeleteI repeat never TAKE BACK A CHEATING PARTNER. It's very irritating.
ReplyDelete