STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A PRETENDER
I’m married to a pretender.
This man will pretend to all his siblings and family members that he is loaded. Tell them to bring their requests and he is up to the task. Meanwhile at home I am footing a lot of the bills and even children’s school fees!
These siblings all kiss the ground he walks on and worship him. Everyone thinks he is a saint and gentle.. yet if you see how he shouts at me here. Any small thing he will complain that I am disrespecting him.
He can say from my tone or the way I did my body. I am tired . We can go outside to visit friends and someone will ask me a question and before I can answer this man will answer for me. Talk over . Eg they can say how is your pregnancy going and this oga will begin to talk as if he is the one carrying the belle .
I don’t know why men are like this carrying ego up and down
So if he is promising people and giving them that means he has..
you enabled this behaviourk...How can he not pay for his kids school fees
stop carrying all the load and tell him to give u the half of whatever it costs...stop making excuses for gim
I Sense a loveless marriage.
ReplyDeleteChukwugbagi ume
You are the one that wants to be footing bills na.
ReplyDeleteI will say it here, if u have a spouse and kids and you’ve not finished meeting all their necessary needs, you have no right whatsoever to go and be helping others.
If u do that, you are just an unfortunate fellow not deserving of a partner or kids.
Nne, I am married to a pretender. I started speaking up and he started adjusting so people won't find out that way, I have peace.
ReplyDeleteHubby can cheat but everyone can swear for him, even his driver of over a decade can swear for him that he is a faithful husband.
He only dates women who knew him very well as a family man who are so ashamed of others knowing they are dating him ( if found out , it will look as they are evil for tempting a good man) and there must be something connecting you people together so when people see una they go believe na business or official not knowing na gbenshing partners.
Once you start speaking up and stop covering up for him. He will sit up
Better allow him to pick some bills otherwise he won't learn responsibility but where does the money he gave to people comes from
ReplyDeleteNa wa. U suppose don dey learn small small for here na
DeleteI tire oooo
DeleteYou are footing most of the bills
And you still dey carry belle
Iyawo wake up from ya slumber jaweeee
Insecure, fragile ego, validation seeking misplaced priorities man
DeleteStop paying the school fees. Let the children be sent home and stay at home for a few weeks. Shame will drive him to look for money and pay because he wouldn't want such bad publicity. Start with this one first, then figure out how to get him to facing other responsibilities too.
ReplyDeleteDon't keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
Haaa! God abeg...Where do these men come from? From Mars??...Where do you people meet these kind of men? Na wa o..Onye na-emere ndị mba ọzọ ihe ọma karịa ezinụlọ ya...
ReplyDeletePhoenix darling, our blog sister is the enabler kpom kwem. This same man will marry another lady that is a baby geh for laif and he will be running helter-skelter to meet her needs and demands so much so that he won't have time to entertain any other financial demand outside the home. Na the leg wey she take start with am the bros dey follow. The day she puts her foot down, he will be the one to send a chronicle but she doesn't sound like she is truly tired yet. Make person no go waste typing. The Lord is your muscle ma'am. Keep doing the Lord's work. Reward gi ga di gidigba na eligwe.
DeleteThese men? That's how men generally characterised here. Your use of these is interesting. There are men who fend for wife, children, in-laws, and in-laws' families, and also engage in domestics or pay for that. But when some women here finish Nigerian men as an absolute unit, the wonder is where do the women find such men or whether it is truly a case of like for like or women walking with their type (Amos 3 v. 3).
Delete17:27 keep pretending like the meaning was of that ‘these’ as is used in that sentence is not clear 🙄
DeleteI've come to the conclusion that, even if you have your own money as a woman, a man that want to show you shege, will still show you shege.
ReplyDeleteMadam Independent wan faint. Please faint fast ooo because you cannot carry the load alone.
ReplyDeletePoster you better sit-up and stop enabling him.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you pay school fees when your husband is alive and making money? Mbanu.
Learn how to stand up for yourself if you still want to be married to him, abi you want to die before your time? Stop it now!!
E be like say na madam Poster dey give am the one wey he take dey do "biggy man" outside join o abi I dinor read the chronicle well ni? I assume this is in Nigeria; so in the present economic dispensation, somebody's daughter is carrying full local government expenses on top man head. She be odogwu🙌. Virtuous wife of the year wey dem nor still dey give her flowers o. Ji si ike🥱.
Deleteposter you are the one helping this man to misbehave, how will you be footing all the bills and still not say anything. Come you need to find a way to bring a fake pay slip from your office and reduce your salary to minimal. E.g if your salary is 100k go and reduce it to 40k and let him see that you no longer have money to foot the bill.
ReplyDeleteCall for a meeting between both of you, address the issue and let him understand that you both need to share the bill at home from now hands forth. You should not even discuss that topic how he is dashing money without footing the bills at home. If he want to be your spoke person allow him to speak for you for peace to reign but you need to address the issues one after the other. I hope you can correct both because oga is already used to both.
Ndi, what do you bring to the table, ngwa over to una..
ReplyDeleteMadam use your number six
ReplyDeleteMadam na you fiorm independent woman for your husband
ReplyDeleteAllowed him foot some of the bills so you will not look older than your age
😂😂🤣
ReplyDeleteThis is what some men sef are going through,. Wife no get Shi Shi, but bad character and entitlement na x100..
Same way I no dey support such wives na so I no go support your oga..
He is a talkative..
But I hope say no be say Baba dey face challenges now, na him you come dey para, just because say you carry house expenses? Has the situation always been like this? If it has always been this way, then you need to set things right, cos you enabled him, but if it cos things recently got bad for him, then you really need to do better as a human..
That your last paragraph should be challenged to the right person, na you go Marty useless man, no put all of us for the same box🙏
@Dante. Well balanced comment. Most chronicles (especially those written not to seek advice, but for validation, gender bashing or unburdening) are always short on some facts, usually the key facts.
Delete*Channelled
Delete*Marry
I hope that you weren't doing 'i can do all things by myself' when you started out with him? If you were forming 'Onyeoma Cy' with him, giving him the impression that picking all the bills isn't a problem, then you enabled him. Trying to make him change now is going to be tough.
ReplyDeleteHave a convo with him telling him that you no longer earn what u were earning and as a result won't be able to pick the bills anymore.
Wipe off all your transactions from your phone, that's all bank alerts. Tell him that you are in debt and even need money to clear them, when you stop picking most of the bills and reality sets in, I think that he'll change, seeing that the goodies ain't coming in anymore.
I hope this helps. Goodluck poster.
Is only God that can help us. Some marriages is like a burden. Or lions den.
ReplyDeleteLol@ lion's den, please run if you have to.
DeleteMost times we women start what we can not finish.why in heaven sake will you pay his children's school fees?Truth be told,this man has the money but left the bills for you because you have been paying.Wise up my sister.
ReplyDeleteHe prefers pleasing outsiders than his own family..that kind of behavior cannot be tolerated. This is the essence of communication. Talk to him. If he doesn't listen, talk to someone he listens to
ReplyDeleteWhat a shameless man
ReplyDeleteI am a traditional man to the core. Any man that sits back and allows a WOMAN CONTINUALLY foots his bills is a bastard! Particularly more so in marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf resources permits, the wife can use discretionary funds to give the husband so he can start a business. Assuming ofcourse, he isn't employed.
How can a man be comfortable with a woman footing bills continually? It is wrong! And yes! I've been there. During covid and my business was affected, my wife ran the home for 6 months. But i quickly learnt another skill and I'm on the verge of benefiting from it now. We are in our fifth year of marriage and I have exclusively run our home for over 4 years now. My wife makes contribution only when an emergency need arises and I'm not immediately liquid.
No man should be comfortable when his wife is shouldering undue responsibilities. Women are not built for that.
OP, I have no advice to give you really. Because your husband is one who will make issue with whatever supportive action you take to get him to stand on his feet. A man's essence is in his provision. But if he remains too comfortable with where he is, you well need wisdom to handle the situation.
I celebrate you.
Na wah ...Thank God for dis Forum,, Thank u Sdkblog which help solves some headaches in marriage. Happy n Peaceful day to us all....Yep..
ReplyDelete