Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNSERIOUS GUY OR NOT
Hi Stella,I met a guy online. Let's call him Dapo. I am a 31-year-old lady trusting God for marital settlement. I am an introvert, I only go to work and church. So I don't go out often. I met Dapo on a dating site. He said he wanted to connect with me. Dapo is living in Lagos, my state of residence too.
I am tired of online dating. I prefer a guy I will meet physically to be sure he is my spec or not.
I asked if Dapo wanted to date me. He said he wanted to connect with me first that connection is different from dating. I don't want to waste my time on a relationship that will not be properly defined.
A popular Nigerian pastor said if a guy did not ask a lady out the lady should not assume.
I noticed that Dapo always wants to speak to me on the phone for longer periods but I am getting irritated thinking that he is not sure he wants to date me. Why call me to gist with you by spending long hours calling with me? I don't want anyone to use me to while away the time.
What should I do? Should I extend my fishing net to other guys on that dating app?
Hmmmm why not just allow this thing to flow freely?Would it not be somehow if he just quickly told you that he wants to date you without you both knowing each other or flowly freely? Dont you think you are too desparate like this? Please take it easy and try to find out somethings during the conversations....Find out his genotype and other things...
Pray God will order your step @31 it is possible that frustration has sets in
ReplyDeletePoster, be calming down and take this step by step. I admire this man for wanting to go through the friendship stage with you first to see if you both connect before taking it to the next level.
DeleteYou sound a bit desperate and things done in desperation comes with a lot of mistakes. Take your time and flow with him. Enjoy the conversation. Be friends first. It's important you both get to know each other at the neutral level and then let the love come naturally as you both communicate and discover each other.
Easy girl! Best. And yes, get God involved. Ask Him to lead you.
Na wa. So you would say yes if a guy you've not even met just tells you he wants to date you. How? Why? He seems sensible enough to try to be sure you both have a connection before starting anything. If he wanted to chop and clean mouth, he would have gone along with your demand to jump straight into a "relationship". How do you know you will ever like him when you meet? Abi you just want a man and will say yes even if you can't stand him? Please work on the desperation, it comes with an aura which men can sense especially f**k boys.
DeleteLadies should drop their emails for some of us that know decent guys we can link you to.
DeleteI agree with you because he’s living in Lagos
ReplyDeleteIf he’s in the same state then he should be able to make a plan to meet up soon
Ask him if he wants to meet up at a public place and a central location
She shouldn't ask him. He knows what he is doing. If he is not asking to see her, then he is not interested and just wasting her time. She needs to move on.
DeleteSo true anon 15:28. He is kinda playing mind games with her while trying to get her into a desperate situation.
Delete@ Poster, please caste your bet wider. Make friends in church so you can get involved with group activities like tours or weekend events.
The white enchantress, thank you for agreeing with me. Someone is even asking down in the comments to invite him out on her bill. Is that not what desperation is? If you like poster go and emsacualte him. He will only pretend to be interested because he sees you are aiming to please and have him. The attention he gives afterwards will not even be real.
DeleteIf he wants you he will feel the same way you do. Not date you immediately but he will want to hang out to check you out
Ignore him poster and broaden your tentacles.
Your intention is for a serious relationship while his intention is just to connect with you for friendship or what???
ReplyDeleteYou are scared of him wasting your time.
You can't really tell from the beginning who is serious or not till you give him chance, take it easy and see how it goes.
How old is the relationship??
When it's taking longer and he doesn't sound or act serious, don't hesitate to give another person chance as you already know what you want is a serious relationship.
This is not a relationship!!! Poster, you are not dating thus guy talk more of being in a serious relationship with him. You hd better be talking to other people till the day someone asks you out and you say yes
DeletePoster please calm down. You are sounding desperate. Desperation won't make you see the red flags or the good qualities of the guy easily. Start off as just friends and let things flow naturally, within three months , a guy should know what he really wants if he is serious. However, the fact that you are chatting with Dapo doesn't mean you should shut the door against all other guys. You are still friends for now, as time goes on and you see the seriousness in him, you will gradually reduce other guys as they could be distraction so you can focus but never delete them or cut them off totally until you are sure he is leading you to the altar. But please and please don't open your legs while dating. Use your number 6. 🤪, Make u no enter one chance. All the best.
ReplyDeleteWell Said 💯💯💯💯 I agree with you
DeleteCorrect👌. In addition, to quickly know whether to give him a little more time or keep it moving, invite him to a movie or lunch date ON YOUR BILL. If he honours the invite, use the time to assess him: check out how well-groomed he is, if he has mouth or body odour, his opinion about the movie (which means you must be intentional about the movie you choose) etc. I can almost guarantee that a casual atmosphere of 2 or 3 hours will tell you more about him than 3 months on the phone. Good luck.
DeletePoster don't invite him anywhere. Ignore the guy.
DeleteWhen a man keeps making you confuse till the point you have no choice but to put yourself in the masculine role and start suggesting and plans for you the both of you to see, biko at that point, abort mission.
I am anon 15:28 don't say I did not warn you.
For you to even bring the guy matter here shows he is not right for you.
You are not desperate at all. You are only desperate for a man who isn't ready or sure of what he wants. For how long will he keep talking to you on phone.
When he talks to you. Keep it short and keep it moving. Why would he want to see and hang out when he is getting everything your attention, time and energy over the phone.
OMO B..Ur advice for her.i feel is best...
DeleteYou guys should meet up. If after that, he’s still looking at ‘connection’, pls move on with ur life and not remain with a time waster.
ReplyDeleteGbam 👌
DeleteDesperation at its peak, but then I can't blame you. It's the society we find ourselves in. If your mind tells you to extend your fishing net, please go ahead. At the same time, give the guy a chance to truly express himself. He just may believe in slow and steady ...
ReplyDeleteIt's not the society that is putting any pressure on her, she is putting pressure on her self, no one forces you to marry, they can only suggest just like they suggest many things that you dont adhere to. So stop the blame game.
DeleteDesperation at its peak.. I hope this guy sees through you!!! You are getting irritated simply because he is speaking to you for a longer period over the phone?? Nonsense!!! If the guy isn't smart, he would be manipulated into a relationship and then he graduates into a SIMP!!! My advice ; keep. It cool, allow the communication to flow and then take it up from there.
ReplyDeleteDibia Alphonsus
You want something serious ASAP, he wants to take it slow to see if you are what he really wants. A man may talk to you just to see your level of intelligence and pick your brain first, then fall for you,
ReplyDeleteor not. But all you are seeing is marriage marriage.
Girl, PATIENCE. Allow him ease into you, you seriously can't meet today and start dating today, he too has the right to know if he wants to be with you or not.
ReplyDeletePoster while I understand that you want to define the relationship, you should start off as friends and then let the conversation flow; get to know him better....Also spread your dating net; don't put all your eggs in one basket...Also have options so you can make an informed decision....
ReplyDeleteSome men already know what they want; while some might want to take their time to know you better; you can be friends and discuss about mutual interests and any other topics while you guage his personality and intellect....Because you are 31 years should not mean you take hasty decisions....As you are checking him out; he is also doing his as well...This is a two way street not a one way traffic...
I pray for a discerning spirit, wisdom, intellect and patience in making the right decision in a life partner for you...Please pray and be prayerful....All the best and breath easy....
Your God-lead husband will locate you (Amen)
😘😍
DeleteRelax and enjoy the friendship
ReplyDeletePoster, you need to calm down please so that you don't make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteYou guys can meet up in public places, and get to understand yourselves better. This will help you know if you want to continue with him or not.
It is also very important for you to pray well about the whole situation - Always put God first.
Please can you relax and make this guy your friend before any other thing, maybe he wants to get comfortable with you before meeting up. You really really sound desperate o
ReplyDeleteI mean you are not 50 abeg!
you want to be faster than your maker
ReplyDeleterelax and just enjoy the attention for now and see how things unfold. He may be watching you with the calls, trying to be sure you will make a good relationship before he says anything. Give the friendship time but do not close all the doors for other friendship.
Poster take it easy so you don't seem to be too desperate, you hear ?
ReplyDeleteThis is not desperation per say.
ReplyDeleteShe knows what she want and said is a serious relationship. Meaning she is not interested in time waster or a player.
Thank you! Stella called it desperation, now almost everyone is saying same.
DeleteWhen you know what you want and you are interacting with someone on a different page. Don't force them to move at your pace or try to stifle your wants for them.
please bounce
Lol @time waster or player. My dear, you call a person that said he doesn't want to be forward with defining the relationship at the earliest stage a player? How did you think the likes of Mark Morgan was able to get some of his victims? Relationship and marriage promises of course, he told them he wanted a serious relationship with them. When some laddies hear "I want to marry you or I want a serious relationship with you, they begin to loose guard, they make themselves vulnerable just because of what could be an empty promise. You need to get to know each other to a good extent before you start talking about dating. Be chat buddies from now and little by little you will get to know few things about him. And as you proceed, you see yourself becoming closer and closer if you both find each other interesting.
DeleteWhy not see him as a chat buddy? All the guys that you meet mustn't end up as dates. You can have meaningful friendships with the opposite sex. They don't have to end up as love interests.
ReplyDeleteI'd say that you should enjoy the friendship while still casting your net. Don't be desperate.
A chat buddy is distracting to someone that wants marriage
DeleteHow is a chat buddy distracting her from getting married? So any guy that collects her # must not call her unless they plan to marry her? What of other opportunities that could result from knowing the person? My legit Canadian PR japa info was through a chat buddy. The moment you stop searching and start living your life is when men go begin dey rush you. Like a pastor once said, many women go around thinking they need to get married to be complete. You must see yourself as complete before looking for another person to come into your life.
DeleteStep by step. I won't even take you serious if you claim to want to date me in our first few days of having a conversation.
ReplyDeleteYou're lucky that he didn't ask.to date you fast. My sister, marriage is not child's play ooo. Take your time and get to know him. You might even find out that it's you who wouldn't like him. Leave room open for others while you still nurse your friendship
ReplyDeleteShouldn't this notion before dispelled? A man can ask a woman out or propose marriage and when a woman does same, we say she is desperate? Desperate for what exactly? It is her time, her emotions and affections, her commitment.
ReplyDeleteThese are things she holds dear and shouldn't she know on time if the object of her affections and time is willing to go the distance?
Yes, it is great to get to know each other but the earlier every relationship gets defined, the better. OP did not state how long she has been in contact with her man. But in my view, 3 months is enough for every relationship to be defined. And it is her right to ask where the relationship is headed.
My wife, after a few months of dating, asked me where are we headed? She proposed to me actually. I didn't tell her I'll think about it. Hell no! I had seen enough to know we could actually make a home together. We are 5 years in marriage today so because she asked. God knows I wasn't thinking about marriage with any of the women I had around then and they were several. But her question, gave me perspective.
OP, you desire to be married. That's fine. You can't have your time and emotions wasted. If you are convinced you can build a life with this man, and he appears hesitant to ask, take the bull by the horns and ask! If he has genuine intentions toward you, he'll be excited and actively seek to make it happen. If he doesn't, you have your answer.
Well from a man angle if he calls you don't pick his calls or reply his text messages period
ReplyDeleteAbeg ooo Poster...Keep all doors open for serious ones to come in...May GOD lead...
ReplyDeletePlease ghost him and thank me later.
ReplyDeleteHe may be one of these unemployed married men that have free hours on end after their wives have gone to work. He may not even be living in Nigeria.
An average man is eager to meet his new lady. He wouldn't go after a lady he has no initial 'feelings' for. And mostly, there first thought is to have sex. It's much after that, that they decide what they want to do with the lady.
If he's not eager to see you (usually for sex), then he has ulterior motives. He could be a kidnapper, ritualist, psychopath, gigolo, fraudster (in which case he may want you to be desperate) or anywhere in between.
Just ghost him. He sounds like no good. Connection kill him there.
I'm not going to entertain any new man in my life who is not 'obsessed' with me at the very beginning. It doesn't matter if his mission is to just sleep with me or he wants something serious. I'll will decipher that in due course and act accordingly.
Your last option is to play along and make little or as much as possible money from him. Use style and be asking him for small small money and don't complain about not seeing him physically anymore. Don't let him use you for free. He is either using you or up to something.
But my advice is to ghost him. I just hope you've not shared too much private information with him 'mumuishly' (in the name of bonding) like me. 😂🤣🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃