Hmmmm...
ADVICE NEDDED
I am dating a guy who I think is at the bottom of the cadre among his friends and colleagues.
He is a gym instructor.
We went for his friend's wife burial; she died last week and I got to meet his friends and colleagues. They used words like ''mad man'', ''you no get sense'', ''drunk man'', ''your head no correct'' on him. I truly didn't know how to respond or react to that, I only smiled while they were doing their thing.
My question is how am I suppose to act if we ever go out again and his friends start calling him names like that? I have asked him to do something about it because I don't feel comfortable about it at all.
Madam please your own is too much...My friends and I yab ourselves somewhat with bad names too....its no big deal please...if you dont like it, dont get involved, just leave him and his friends. He didnt have a problem with it until you came along and now trying to make his friends look bad and spoil his friendships...
Why would you say he is at the bottom of the cadre among his friends and colleague? Na wah oh.
My late elder brother and his friends were like this and i used to really laugh hearing them tease each other with such mames, they dont mean it and its fun for them.....
Please break up with him and go your way, leave him for someone who is playful enough to realise its how him and his friends joke...
Good friends tease each other. Unless your sense of humour is dead, or you think too highly of yourself to the point you'd pick offense if one your friends call you "coconut head" where are you... fall out!
ReplyDeleteTake your too serious self out of that man's life. I am sure you are one of those boring overserious people who can not understand or take a joke. It is obvious you can not survive amongst his click of friends. Please, leave him alone and go be serious elsewhere.
DeleteI don't think that is the case, sometimes there is something called decorum, backgrounds, up bringing, Yes Friends tease one another, but this here is too much, like no respect for him. He too needs to do better, my Gee your level no reach, instead of "you no get sense" - that is an outright insult, even in his Babe's presence. The man needs to do better, you can gradually teach him to be better and do better, bcos anyone in the crowd there will look down on him, the words were too demeaning. This is my opinion sha,
DeleteMa cheri !!
DeleteAnon 15.48 I totally agree with you
DeletePoster, I get your point. There is playful banter and then there is scornful derision, I believe your guy’s own was scornful derision and you sensed it, from their tone and body language. Please talk to him about it, he might have low self-esteem to allow that. Can you be with such a person?
DeletePoster I understand you, we are the same I love reserved people with normal jokes not the agbero jokes, it turns me off
DeleteMy own shaa make nobody involve me or say I am too rigid but make una joke and don't expect me to flow with u guys.
I am reserved when am outside but inside we can joke about everything
She's upset about it cos her bf was not talking or yabbing his friend back
DeleteWe women get wahala sha. Stop going out with him if you can’t tolerate the name calling.
ReplyDeleteGuys will be guys please, stop trying to change a man that hasn’t even asked you to marry him, just dating. How do you know you even mean his own expectations for a long term relationship. Madam loosen up and let him be free.
You guys are getting it wrong. She's not the playful type. I'm sure he was the only one they used such phrases on. If they're that playful and joke a lot why did the phrases not go round? Why were the words only used on him? My wife is this playful and I'm not too comfortable with it. She's the kind that calls people orue, witch, mad et al jokingly and I cringe hearing the words. I have asked her to tone it down. She has especially before me when she's infront of particular friends but gets triggered once in a while. And these friends of hers don't use these words ir phrases on her. The fact you're playful does not mean another is and vice versa so there has to be a middle ground.
DeleteIf her boyfriend is okay with it, why did he not return it? Because he's at the lowest point of the ladder among his friends.
Hanty, gym instructors have never been known to be rich. You get by but not too comfortable. Make una find another thing for him to be doing aside looking at alps of men and women.
God bless you, more wisdom I pray for you. You really understood her pains. Not everyone is used to this kind of derogatory jokes, I don't say it to my friends and they know you can do it to me either.
Deletethis poster just dey play, i say dey play oh.
ReplyDeleteThose names mean nothing especially since the name calling was with his friend, did your guy cry while those names was mentioned? I don't like serious people like you who will not allow one to be playful once in a while.
I call my male/female friend mumu, olodo, big head, coconut head. He calls me village girl, that i came from local place, big head, yellow pawpaw and so on. I don't see anything bad about it and at the end of the day we laugh, that does not mean we disrespect each other.
Next time when they start you smile and allow them enjoy their friendship. You are too serious to be with such a person. Look for another guy to be with, please do not stress a KING from catching cruise.
No big deal about that honestly! I have just two friends and they can say that, we grew up together too but immediately they notice you are with your girl, dem go comport small.
ReplyDeleteDnt break his circle just talk to him if you not cool with that, he will adjust I think but can't stop
MEN WHEN THEY CALL EACHOTHER:
ReplyDeleteIdiot, you dey house..
Werey, you dey find were you won go chop..
Ode, your papa get food for house reach me..
Fool, oya come chop oh,. Make I feed your family..
They all laff, and there is REAL LOVE.
WOMEN WHEN THEY CALL EACHOTHER:
My love you are looking so Peng in your photo..
Baby girl, you also oh, see your skin..
It's God oh,. My man got me this skincare from Dubai..
Wow,. What a kind man.. I love you sis, can't wait to see you..
#*Call ends and she hiss*.. ashawo, always lying and bragging. The who love in their conversation is FAKE LOVE
Hahahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteNot true for all women please. My friends and I yab and call each oda names like idiot,anuofia,nama etc. If I complement a friend I really mean it. I really wonder the kind of women you have been encountering. At least try dey use "some" and not women this...women that.
DeleteDante !!!!!!!
DeleteWell my hommies and I tease each other n are really respectful towards one another , its not a big deal.
I believe poster knows what she’s talking about. They’re not teasing him like equals. I get it poster. Your feelings are valid. If they make him happy , leave him be . Be cordial to them and not snub them by pressing phone. Everyone must be number one. You can also stylishly limit your hangouts with them. I won’t tell you to break up and find an alpha male. But if you can’t deal, please do so
DeleteDante. You no dey fail to turn up.
DeleteWell, not true of all women. But most women.
Men pretend better that's all
DeleteMen pretend better that's all
DeleteIf u don't have a friend u relate to like this then u are a boring person and petty abeg.. Real geee yab each other very well😀😃😄let me go find my mumu friend..
ReplyDeleteWait, was he not yabbing them back or he just kept quiet while they all insults him?
Men are like.this....my ex would call and say to his friend "onye ara " and in return he would say your papa! So that's men and friendship for you...
ReplyDeleteAs a lady my friend calls and says bustard how fat? I say moda fucka I dey how your side??? Nothing dey there
If u don't have a friend u relate to like this then u are a boring person and petty abeg.. Real geee yab each other very well😀😃😄let me go find my mumu friend..
ReplyDeleteWait, was he not yabbing them back or he just kept quiet while they all insults him? ...
My best friend before she died, when she arrives downstairs of my will shout " where that stupid girl" once I hear her voice I shout " stupid girl I dey up dey come up" and it was all love. You are too serious and I suspect you are a very boring person.
DeleteNothing wrong in being boring, madam. You that's exciting, is your life better? Dem give you plaques for your excited life? Dey play
DeleteIn your case, the name calling went back and forth. It seems the posters boyfriend did not respond likewise nor banter with them at that level but just maybe smiled. It's also possible that he was the only one they all called those names with a tinge of disrespect so it wasn't a case of guys jokingly calling each other names.
DeleteWhat if the boyfriend was forming prim because of Poster, but his friends didn't decode hence they did their usual bantering?
Delete@17:20, take ur boring self out of my comment and go get a plaque for it.. U can stay In ur house and stop judging people..
DeleteIf the boyfriend doesn't reply them and just allow them to talk to him like that then he's not welcome there.. Except he's just kept quiet because of her.
Wait until you meet a man greeted by his friends as the son of a witch and he prides on it.
ReplyDeleteYou are with a man in a league below you or a man out of your league though at the same level as you. So leave him to enjoy his life until he meets a woman who rolls with men like him.
Na them . Jezebel. Relationship breakers.
ReplyDeleteThe one time stella advice make sense
ReplyDeleteWrong. Today own no enter. There's no one size fits all
DeleteAuntie take it easy, I don't think it's something serious
ReplyDeleteStella ur para make me burst laugh here, Poster e be like u no get siblings or friends.
ReplyDeletePoster why are you this serious abag? It's not that deep. Me sef play with my friends like that, it's not a big deal biko!
ReplyDeleteYour boyfriend don enter one chance if he can't play freely with you and his friends without you frowning at it!
It depends on the circle of friends he keeps. If they constantly use those words, can I say them too are crazy.
ReplyDeleteWhenever you go out with him, behave yourself if you are not comfortable with it.That's his friends not yours.
Her own is truly too much, looking for problem where there is non, Stella has given the best advice.
ReplyDeleteThat's guys for you oooo
ReplyDeleteI went to visit my bro one time and his friends were around,that's how they picked on one,come and see yabbing I was feeling bad for him,only for my brother's wife to tell me that the person they are yabbing is even the worse among them,that he will just be throwing it his own small small.
I understand you Poster. I don’t trade insults and I actually cringe and feel uncomfortable around those who do.
ReplyDeleteWill I marry a guy who does this with his friends? Absolutely no!
Will I try to separate someone who allows friends to call him disparaging names? No, because that’s the premium he placed on himself.
The choice is yours Poster.
My kind of woman anon 15:34. Call us boring and so? I cringe too hearing people called names in the name of friendship. Must friends in the name of friendship call each other names? If friends don't use such names and phrases, their relationship can not stand time again?
DeleteI see where the poster is coming from Sha. If we are children of God, such name calling should be minimized. Things like mad man, ode guy, is a bit much o. Our words are spirits and life. I was once guilty of it too. If he does not have a problem with it, then that's on him. But honestly we should yab people with good things instead of bad words. Example my guy this your head resemble head wey anointing oil suppose plenty o. Hahahaha poster you need to date a God fearing guy o. Lastly gym instructors dey get money? Na question I dey ask o. I don't mean Yahoo or Cubana kind of money o. I mean like just normal standard income. 🤷
ReplyDeleteThis has nothing to do with religion but courtesy/ manners and his choice of friends.
DeleteThank you for this comment,our words carry weight,yes,they might just be teasing him and all that,but we must realise that words are seeds,whether we mean them or not
DeleteMomB
Except they do not refer to the rest of the guys like that and it's just limited to him, I see no problem. You must be such an uptight person, the kind Ur partner won't even be able to play some kind of jokes with
ReplyDeleteMay be you are christian born again or church goer ,so you find those yabs very odd.If you don't find it ok better don't go out with him again or keepoff ,no two way about it
ReplyDeleteThat is how guys play with each other; she should take her mind off it, however I do not entirely agree with the words, as I believe there is power in the tongue.
ReplyDeleteMe wey my hello with friends na,OLUKU or MUGU how far?? Is not that serious abeg
ReplyDeleteI like hanging out with the guys, one of the things marriage has denied me 😩.still gist over the phone with them every now and then. But this days I find I'm no longer comfortable with the name- calling. Maybe I don dey old.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes a gymn instructor to at the lowest of cadre compared to his friends? Aunty deal with your low self-esteem issues first.
ReplyDeleteSister itk
DeleteI used "lowest" because he is was the only one they used those words on.
The banter between the other guys and ladies were respectful banters.
Sister self esteem
Poster, based on this your comment those friends don’t rate your man at all.
DeleteI am really shocked that so many people here apparently lack decorum and ‘insults’ is a form of endearment to them. Anyway bottom line is you have to make a choice, if your guy is ok with them ‘yabbing’ him you have to accept it or leave. Personally I would not be able to tolerate such rubbish. Also don’t mind that joker saying you have self esteem issues, unfortunately looks like your guy does have it because I can’t understand how he can tolerate one sided insults. From friends not even family. Just remember you choose your friends so the type of friend(s) you have is most likely the type of person you are.
Babes sha just want a man that comes with remote control, leave your man and his friends alone, that has been the norm and it is not because he is a very playful person as he said or because his friends are richer than him, they are just being men. Maybe if you pay attention well, you will see that your boyfriend is a culprit too, do not throw a wedge in that wheel of friendship.
ReplyDeleteThey don’t do it in your circles that’s why
ReplyDeleteI don’t think you’re boring
You looked for advice and got it
Good luck with the relationship
You’re deserving of a good relationship and I trust he’ll be good to uou
So this OP sat down, took her time to type this and sent it? OP where is the nicle in the chro you just sent?
ReplyDeleteI think your problem is that you don't have a problem so you decided to invent one. Look at how lowly you just portrayed your man. It will only be a matter of time before you start becoming verbally abusive towards him. You have already sown the seed.
If you think he is lower than his circle of friends, then their must be something in him of value that his friends can see and you don't that's why he has them in his circle. You can't see it which clearly shows you aren't the right woman for him.
Some men are usually like that oo, they tease each other alot, they do alot of yabbing, So it's no big deal for them.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should check if he truly no get sense you never can say
ReplyDeleteYou guys don’t get it.poster thinks her boyfriend is not as rich as his friends that’s why she thinks the way they relate with him is disrespectful.She feels inferior on his behalf and that’s her major problem.It really has nothing to do with how they talk to him but she thinks they talk to him like that because they are richer than him and that’s her pain.
ReplyDeleteSo, let her leave him alone. Very simple. One of the hardest things in life is for a woman to get a man to stand up. It is more easier for a man stand up on their own because of a woman.
DeleteAm like the poster too but my boys and their friends are another thing entirely , u can't even found the names they call themselves in dictionary. I love it , it was all fun to them and me too.
ReplyDeleteHaba! These are jokes.pls don't stress and trouble this man over trivial issues like this.ignore and pls be cheerful while hanging around him and his friends.
ReplyDeleteMy friends and I don't call one another such names. We tease or yab one another and laugh it off, but we don't use words like 'ode, werey' etc. I don't judge those that do so though. Anyways, it's important to move with like-minded people. Just try not to hurt anyone while at it.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster your own too much! Please leave that guy alone and stop rubbing your rubbish on him. That’s how guys roll and madam two good shoes wants to come and spoil friendship. Leave him alone!
ReplyDeleteHmm I know I do it a lot & most people around me do it too but it's not IDEAL nau. People that were raised in a proper environment will tease with respect not with curse or in an Agberotic manner.
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
I'm sorry but I believe there's a difference between name calling and teasing.
ReplyDeleteYou can joke around and tease respectfully. Don't insult people and say its joking.
I can joke eh. Anybody who knows me knows that. But I'll never use insults.
Words means a lot to me. I can't be careless about it.
But then again, everyone is different. Poster. You know your self. You know your partner.
It's left for you.
But, nobody should joke with insults around me.
HYDROGEN
My friends don’t call me the b word but some of them call each other that. I don’t like it done to me
ReplyDeleteThey explained it’s just a joke but left using it when I rejected it. It might be harmless
How is the man to you.
ReplyDeleteIs he go at his work
Is he fending for himself.
Is he living in decent place.
Does he talk trash at you.
These and other important matters are what you should consider.
And what if knowing you, he was silent and refused to throw his own at them. Which may mean he can control himself or may be a good pretender?
some women do it too. My boss and her friends call each other names, her friend will be like "madwoman make my dress well o, if not I will show you pepper"
ReplyDeleteMy boss will respond "unfortunate fellow, how much did you pay?"
They will call each other on phone and say "stupid fellow why didn't you reply my chat?"
I find it funny, I don't have such friends, likewise my hubby but if he does, I won't feel bad about it.
So girl, let them be. If you can't cope, just break up with him because you will be seeing more of his friends, even in your house if you marry.
Poster i kinda see where youre coming from.
ReplyDeleteI dont use such words with my friends, neitger does my husband and his friends. And im a very fun person. I believe there is a cadre you’ll get to where such words naturally dont come up as jokes.
Even if your man and his friends usually joke like that, it is a lack of decorum for them to joke like that the first time they meet you. I dont like that you were pressing phone while hanging with them though, that can be seen as rude.
If this isnt your thing, perhaps it will be better for you to find someone else to be with.
I have people like that around, very mannerless humans. Each time they see me they will be throwing insults, doing it in public ooo.
ReplyDeleteThe annoying part is that after everything they will still want to get close. They didn't know me to know the kind of people I like as friends.
They are doing for it to get to me , only if they knew how I see them with such attitude.
Some are doing it out of bitterness cos I don't know them or talk to for them to be behaving like animals.
For their minds all of us are the same and we are playing.
I don't like weird people as friends.
Yeh everyone cannot be gentle at least apply manners.
I find it hard to use insultive words . If you ever found yourself around these kind of toxic humans I see around, believe me no matter how you try to control yourself you will lose guard. It takes strong mind to stand them.
ReplyDeleteTheir own comes not only with nasty words but allegations.
Though I know that some of them are not mentally okay.
I guard my space as they keep forcing themselves to get close. I can't deal, 'dey your dey'.
Anon 16:49 is my brother o......Orue means mad in Delta language, precisely urhobo ...........you are not the playful type,if you want to be with him learn to be playful too,as far as he is ok with it,you should be fine with it too if you want to remain with him..........case close........ Josaria
ReplyDeleteThe main question is whether anyone else in the group of friends was also called such names. If it’s going back and forth within the group, then it’s banter. However, if only OP’s man is always on the receiving end of the “jokes” then it’s bordering on disrespect. I’m a playful person and love banter but I once dated a guy that his friends treated similarly. I raised this with him and he admitted that he was aware that they didn’t rate him and disrespected him but he put up with it because they were his “childhood friends”. Seeing them treat him like that and him accepting it made me lose respect for him. The relationship died not too long after. Not everything is a joke. You need to assess the particular circumstances in order to decide whether it is good natured or not.
ReplyDeleteThis one follow, poster take note
DeletePoster no now! No. Ha its not because he is the lowest or poorest that makes them call him those names.
ReplyDeleteThese are really close friends playing and having fun. You are taking it serious.
Just leave them alone.
If you don't feel comfortable don't join in the conversation. Distract yourself
I'm the kind of person that can't tolerate people using those words on me all in the name of a joke. But if that's what he's used to, please allow him. If doesn't mean they disrespect him
ReplyDeleteNo this isn’t ok , don’t mind people calling you uptight, including Stella, your feelings are valid! If he was at the receiving end then it means he’s not respected in the friends group. Dump him !
ReplyDeletePoster, do not let these people talk you into believing such languages are cool. Especially when those guys were seeing you for the 1st time. They should have respected your presence.
ReplyDeleteDo you know what this is telling me? If it's a girl they think he's really into, they wouldn't dare because he wouldn't accept it from them.
Kindly pay attention to your boyfriend if he's really into you.
Thank you 💯 there is nothing cool about it.
DeleteSluttychic.
Come boarding school come collect messing .
ReplyDeleteyes, guys play alot but there is a limit. you cannot call my man these names and expect me not to feel he is being disrespected. lets be honest, she has a right to complain.
ReplyDelete