She warned that talking back during misunderstanding with the husband might lead to the woman’s death.
She issued the caution at a Conference of Commissioners of State Ministries of Women Affairs in Nigeria on Wednesday in Abuja.
According to the minister, “I am equally begging my women not to look for trouble, not even at home. Maintain peace in your home because if a home is peaceful, the woman has 80 per cent to contribute to that.
“If you need peace, you can equally achieve it.
“Keep your mouth shut. Talking back does not yield fruit, rather it leads to death and destruction, it leads to bringing up bad children for society.
“Keep your mouth shut, it does not make you a fool but a wise person. When the man is shouting and saying all sorts of things, act like a fool and keep your mouth shut.”
from dailypost
Her last paragraph summarizes it all.
ReplyDeleteI don't know who nominated this woman as a minister because it was a GRAVE MISTAKE. She never gives sensible advice, in a case of potential domestic violence, you should be telling PARTNERS in an EQUAL RELATIONSHIP to maintain mutual respect for each other. By making this dumb statement, you are only empowering abusive men to keep terrorizing their wives. This was the same woman that said school should be reduced to 4 days so that children can work in factories. I think she attended an open university for distance learning because she doesn't come across as grounded or even educated at all!!!
Delete11:43, so this is the child labour advocate. Her mindset is obviously stuck in the 1600s. What a tragedy to have to wake up and be her everyday
DeleteGood advice... Cos wisdom is profitable to direct but sometimes it's easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteGod help our marriages.
85% likes
ReplyDeleteGood advice though. But sometimes, you give it back to him wotowoto so his brain resets. He doesn't have monopoly of bad mouthing.
ReplyDeleteNot when tempers are high. Just like this morning, my hubby was spoiling for a fight,I knew and did not ans. I just kept mute,till we both left home. E no mean say i be mumu,or will not revisit the matter on a later day.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ada Ada
DeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteVery crude but essential advice
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteSome men even when you keep ur mouth shut they will feel you are insulting them by keeping shut..
ReplyDelete🤣😂so true
DeleteExactly
DeleteOh please shut up...
ReplyDeleteStop talking nonsense...
Don't talk down or insult someone and don't want to be insulted back.. Hell no.. Men should treat women the way they want to be treated...
Everyone is going through something please, we all have emotions,..
Telling women not to back to their husbands while they treats them like a nonentity so it won't lead to their death is a rubbish talk abeg..
All I see is the Grinch eyebrow. Anyways, she should save all these energy for her daughters incase they end up with some certain type of men. Hopefully, they will continue to keep it shut forever.
DeleteThank you jare
DeleteNa so so yeye advice full this woman's head. She has forgotten that respect is reciprocal. That's how some women will continue keeping mute till it leads to panel beating when the shouting has tired the man
Make God no make you meet a manipulator
ReplyDeleteIf u shout at me, just jejely know I will shout back. Am I a hegoat that u can’t tell me what u want to calmly?
ReplyDeleteBeat me na. Just try it. You go win oh but say I no leave mark for ur body na lie.
They will not preach to men to stop screaming at their wives like they are children, it is to be telling women not to react that they know.
Gosh! I honestly dislike the older generation women. The shit they took that made them so unhappy in marriages, making them focus only on their kids is what they are trying to teach us now.
I thought I was the one that typed this. U can never say u "beat" me. The narrative will be that we "fought". If I no wound you,mk I bend. I'm a very peaceful person though.
DeleteI don't even know y dis is captioned is dat all she can say as a minister?abeg go find work do , economy no dey smile.dey dia dey say don't talk back.
DeleteThank you oh. It is a simple rule. Don't scream at others.
DeleteNot all older generation women had a bad marriage, I witnessed so many that had wonderful marriages, it is even the new generation women that are going through hell, many of the new generation will sleep with 10 or more men, do several abortions,keep suffering to keep their many secrets, beg, cry, wash clothes, do many demeaning thing just to get married and even rejoice when the manage to get a ring, if you know what these new generation women go through to get a man you will know the older generations were the real queens, men go the extra mile to get them, take care of them. So those of you that had parents who had bad marriages shouldn't pin it on all women, I saw my mum, aunties, neighbours well taken care of not the nonsense I am seeing many ladies go through now to get a man.
DeleteShe sounds like the grinch, so vile and mean. Some women kept it shut and they aren’t here today, MADAM, what do you have to say to that 🤨🙄😠
Delete12:47, mind the business that pays u
DeleteThank you, Eka. That your first paragraph is my mantra, I no be goat, talk to me calmly and I will sure heed but shouting at me and expecting me to be looking at you like a mumu? Ko le werk. Let's talk as matured adults, e no too hard
DeleteNo offense Ms Eka, Anon 12:47 responded to your generalization & expression of “dislike of older generation women” for what you assumed we all went through. The problem with any generalization is that it is mostly inaccurate due to lack of statistical data. Stat is a branch of mathematics, it’s not a scam. It’s the basis for many policies and conclusions by researchers & writers in the west.
DeleteI disagree with this shallow minded minister who should be making policies on tackling domestic violence but talked like an uninformed illiterate. Sadly the least intelligent are in power in Nigeria, that’s another story. For violent men my question is always: “ do you shout at or beat your female boss or colleagues when they say or do what you dislike?” The answer is “NO” so domestic violence is about control of a woman, lack of anger management discipline and power show!
Please do not generalize & lump all older women together. I am an older woman (mid fifties)with over three decades of marriage. I have never changed a car tire in my 35 years of driving & owning cars, don’t take cars for service, don’t take or receive abuses, my DH loads the washer, dryer, loads the dishwasher if he has to, we share house chores! I am not in the box you put us all!
I do not know how to operate the lawnmower or snowblower! DH relates with the yard company while I relate with the house cleaning lady. It’s called division of labor. He has always had a very good high level job that gives him more control over his time so he is the one that used to take the children when they were younger to games, piano and swimming lessons, etc! “Those are supposedly women’s jobs”! There is no room for generalization at all. The children are late twenties now and very close to us both because we both changed diapers & did things for them! Chimamanda talked about the “dangers of a single story” & my interpretation is that you need to avoid generalizing.
Some in my parents generation (80s & above were in the condition you described, I have no data to back it up but my mom and MIL whispered & rarely talked back at their husbands even when the men were wrong). My generation is Gen X, many of our parents were Baby Boomers or part of the Silent generation (world war 2). I recommend reading about the classifications of generations & the reasons. I posted on this blog before & I may post again as I see 40 year olds calling themselves GenZ in Nigeria 😳Gen X women mostly did not take nonsense.
Anon 12:47 may be in her 50s or 60s like me & many of us married our friends, colleagues, college classmates etc so they do not treat many anyhow! At least the ones I know.
Finally, anybody commenting on a public, “non paid membership forum” is minding the same business as you, telling him or her to “mind the business that pays him or her” is disrespectful. Keep the conversations respectful and civil. Thank you✌🏾
Madam,ls telling women to shut up part of your duty as a minister?
ReplyDeleteWalahi I do not understand the members of the ruling class we have in this country. They talk like people that have had lobotomies... No sense. They talk like people that are stuck in two centuries ago. That's how the other minister for child affairs of whatever was encouraging child Labour. I just tire.
DeleteMisplaced duties and responsibilities, mtscheeww.
DeleteThis method will still not work with some men because when you keep quiet,that's when they beat you more....just stay away from anyone that is able to cause you harm.
ReplyDeleteWell as for me no man will talk to me rudely and expect me not to defend my self by talking back..if he eventually hit me I will definitely deal with him to simply..
ReplyDeleteIs there really a way we can please a bad man? No.. but nice advice still 👍
ReplyDeleteNne na wa for this kind of advise in the age. As per slave and master relationship na, odiegwu.
ReplyDeleteIt takes both the man and the woman to build a peaceful home,is not solely the work of the woman.
So the women that were killed by their husbands during fight, it was their fault.
Men treat your wives how you want to be treated.
E no tire you. Is this advice part of her job responsibilities
DeleteThis same advice is given by experienced men and women to husbands. Further, Men are generally told to leave the home or any place where a wife/partner/any woman has put them under verbal attack. In most advanced policing climes, the officers also remove the man from the home or space even when the female is clearly the verbal aggressor from all evidence.
ReplyDeleteSome women know the advice works for some families. But will instigate other women not to listen to it without even trying it.
If as a woman, you have tried it and it didn't work, better to tell other women what works without escalating conflicts in your homes.
If as a woman there are no verbal shout conflicts in your home, it is best to tell how you and your husbands got it worked out to disagree and agree without such verbal violence rather than to nose up (yimmu) at the advice given by another woman
When marital advice is or are given, it is better to counter or support or modify with actual examples than hypothetical "if na me I go" comments especially by unmarried persons (no intention to put down the unmarried). This because as it is said in some parts of Nigeria, "who no go no know".
A woman living under certain legal and social rules can dare or shout a man or her husband into a fight. Her advice encouraging other women to do the same should be considered as localised by those women who don't live in the same legal and social regulatory circumstances. Is it not often quoted from the Bible, that wisdom is profitable to direct? The Biblical King David was recorded as a mighty man of war. But when he mistakenly strayed into Philistine territory and was sorrounded by them, he did not draw his sword to fight. He feigned insane, and they derisively let him go to do more for his people and against the Philistines. After all, a living dog is better than a dead lion. Who talk am? Check your Bible. E fit dey dia.
Well, Urhobo man talk say "na sense dem take dey listen to public advice".
Thanks for your contribution.
DeleteGod will help this woman. Her delivery always leaves so much to desired.
ReplyDeleteI question this woman's education, cultural awareness and emotional intelligence. What she stated may sound like good advice but it is steep in victim blaming and gives the impression that women can prevent domestic violence if they just follow some simple steps.
ReplyDeleteA woman does not need to do or say anything to be harmed by physical violence. Violence has no formula, it does not start from talking then follows a linear path of escalation that culminates in the physical act. A woman could be at her sewing machine sewing for her clients and find herself across the room in one breath, no words were spoken. She could be watching tv and merely laughing at a show and the sound of her laughter is enough for a beating epidode to begin. She could have cooked a meal and the violent partner decide the meal is too salty and the beating begins. Domestic violence does not start because a woman instigated anything. A man who is ready to go does not need a woman to talk to him first for anything.
Her statement perpetuates the stereotype that victims are somehow responsible for their circusmatances and if they only chose to remain quiet their lives would be better. This is a dangerous narrative to spread. It takes responsibility off the perpetrator and places DV victims as the cause of their own situation. Nobody in public office should be allowed to make these statesments. She needs to go. I am sure there are many men in politics who grew up in households where DV occurred and they know this woman is speaking bullshyt and they need to come out and lambast her. All of us who grew up in DV homes knows her statements are myopic and silly. We know what DV looks like on the inside, we lived it and survived it and we survived so we can let ppl like this woman know they are full of it. The children who are victims of DV are not answering back, in fact most of them are timid and afraid, what is their fault for being beaten, ma'am?
In as much women shouldn't argue with their husband at home. The men don't need to raise their voice on their women. If there is any issue, they should both try to iron it out peacefully without raising voice.
ReplyDeleteGbam.
ReplyDeleteThis woman must be smoking or drinking something. That is all I can say. Tinubu sure knows how to pick 'em
ReplyDeleteThis woman has no idea how many unstable and irrational men and misogynistic social structures she has empowered and excused by this sorry statement. The messenger and the mode of delivery matters with this kind of unnecessary victim blaming.
ReplyDeleteHow did silence help Osinachi?
ReplyDeleteDid you know Osinachi at home?
DeleteThose with sense have taken note. The rest barking may end up dead over nothing.
ReplyDeleteI do not understan blaming any victim of domestic violence. That popular saying about “sticks and stones may break my bones but words cannot” may not be entirely accurate BUT it applies in DV. “She said something offensive and you beat her?” Why don’t you beat your female boss during or after appraisal or when she gives you a project you disagree with? Do such men go around beating every woman that says something they don’t agree with? They do not. It’s about POWER and CONTROL. Such men feel their wives “are inferior” to them or they paid “bride price” so they are entitled to treat her however they wish. In my decades of marriage, I either keep quiet or walk away if things get heated not because someone told me to shut up but because I’m naturally a conflict avoider. I usually get an apology afterwards but if two people are upset at the same time, the outcome is not always predictable. Sometimes it’s my man that grabs his key & goes out to get some coffee by which time nerves would have cooled down. “Be angry but sin not” is a loaded verse, everyone gets angry and no two people can live and wake together for years without getting upset with each other at least once or more. It is how you manage your anger that determines how wise or foolish you are as the Bible says “anger RESTS in the bosom of fools”. Since you don’t go round hitting your boss and all female colleagues when they upset you, you can exercise restraint at home with the one you claim to love.
ReplyDeleteI do not believe many “feminists” in Nigeria understand what feminism was originally about. Women were not allowed to work or vote in the US & many western countries. They were restricted to the home & few to nurturing jobs like teaching or nursing. The women’s liberation movement fought against those retrogressive things which many in subsequent generations did not know existed. Women have the right to their bodies, prior to the struggle, women gave birth until their bodies could no longer do or they died during childbirth. I see Nigerian “feminists owning female (& male) child maids, paying pittances and dreaming of a life where a man is the SOLE PROVIDER! That is not what feminists fought for. The women’s rights movement is why we have females in every profession in today’s world, they fought to go out & WORK, unlike the some who want all their outfits from head to to paid for by a man, they see it as an insult, and truly want to pay for things by earning their place in the work environment not sleeping their way to breakthrough! The society respects female achievers like Oprah who used to get to work at ABC before 5am for 25 Years! They respect many lesser known professional women who have earned places for women in many areas of human endeavor & it’s the reason reproductive rights is a big deal in the US, it’s not pro or anti abortion but pro-women’s rights to decide on their lives. Why should the goverment force a woman to carry a pregnancy due to rape or incest or even one that may take her life or that of a developmentally challenged foetus if SHE knows she cannot bear it?
We have a way of jumping on issues on the surface and running with our version of the narrative. Women’s rights is not just to be treated equal at home which is important but for the girl child to have the same rights to good education, inheritance rights, all rights that the UN Human Rights charter describes in their bill of rights. If you are a man or woman who beats your spouse, judgement is nearer than you realize. You will get your judgement here on earth then over there if you do not go for therapy, anger management classes or change your ways. Walk away if you know he has anger management issues. There is no proving anything in the grave.