Out of curiosity, I told my wife to engage her on one of her visits and get her story (bv Pinky's spirit is disturbing me smor smor)
The lady was in 300 level in university when she fell pregnant. Her parents disowned her and cut off all financial obligations to her. They told her to go meet the man that impregnated her and start up a family together.
They told her she is ready to become a wife and a mother that was why she refused to face her studies squarely but went doing the things that mature men and women who want to start a family do.
The fellow student that impregnated her too was disowned at home, his own parents told him to go and get a job and take care of his new family, that he was man enough since he could impregnate someone's daughter. The girl had gone to his family to inform them after they disowned her in her own family.
The guy abandoned her and disappeared from school. She was living with friends till she delivered. She stopped school because of lack of financial support. Her father and mother's relatives could only help by sendiing her little money for upkeep once in a while. So she managed and got an apartment and started doing menial jobs to survive with her child.
She said she had the option of going into prostitution but she does not want to do it.
Now the lessons in this girl's story.
-Don't do things that will lead to pregnancy if you are not ready and capable of bearing the the consequences yet.
-Unwanted pregnancy can set you back in life by several years, if not permanently.
Parents, don't be too hard on your kids when things like this happen, discipline them but don't abandon them. Their lives can still have meaning. Let them go back to school after having the baby, or learn a skill, let the boys keep schooling, support them. Would you prefer to live with the pain that comes with disowning your biological child and abandoning them to go and suffer, some even lost their lives as a result.
Let us try as much as possible to raise godly kids and when they depart from that road (it happens), let's not throw out the baby with the bath water.
Now the lessons in this girl's story.
-Don't do things that will lead to pregnancy if you are not ready and capable of bearing the the consequences yet.
-Unwanted pregnancy can set you back in life by several years, if not permanently.
Parents, don't be too hard on your kids when things like this happen, discipline them but don't abandon them. Their lives can still have meaning. Let them go back to school after having the baby, or learn a skill, let the boys keep schooling, support them. Would you prefer to live with the pain that comes with disowning your biological child and abandoning them to go and suffer, some even lost their lives as a result.
Let us try as much as possible to raise godly kids and when they depart from that road (it happens), let's not throw out the baby with the bath water.
The parents were really harsh,I can only imagine,the feeling of betrayal,from their daughter but totally cutting her off,is too extreme.
ReplyDeleteI've never really understood this term called 'unwanted pregnancy'. I mean a man and a woman had unprotected sex. And sex can lead to pregnancy. Were they expecting a plasma TV instead?
ReplyDeleteI always emphasise the power a woman has in this matter. It remains her body and she stands to lose a greater deal than the man. Her views and opinions are the only things that should matter.
Yes, it is commendable the lady didn't terminate the pregnancy. She displayed more guts than the spineless weasel who got her pregnant and disappeared. But there won't be no pity parties thrown. Certainly not from me.
I totally agree with you on every point. Women should make better choices, because when the chips are down , you have more to loose.
DeleteLoud it! See the chronicle of a student in Canada ready to have her eggs baked by a married man instead of focusing on graduating, getting a good job that will help her get her PR and citizenship. When the chickens come home to roost, she may start looking for a pity party and trolling the internet with men are scum comments...
DeleteA Bv use to emphasize the Single woman's control over sex here. Other female Bvs nicknamed her Ang.
DeleteHowever, God no be man. I know a woman who was in this kind position years ago. Today, the story is very different. Only difference is that her mother took care of the child.
I believe a woman over 18-20 has control over whether she GETS PREGNANT or not, not sex but pregnancy. I know that sex is between two people BUT the decision to use plan b or postinor or be on birth control if you know that’s your lifestyle or you are sleeping with a guy steadily rests on the woman not because she is the only one but she will bear more of the consequences. Same with the decision to get pregnant. Once you are sexually a five, get on birth control, buy condoms and postinor and get vaccinated with the HPV vaccine.
Delete🇺🇸 whites have more sexual encounters from teens but it’s their moms that pick up their birth control pills from the Pharmacy once they know their daughter is sexually active. I know one whose two daughters were on it as high schoolers and it want for menorah’s or painful menstruation. She requested the prescription because she knew they had bfs and wanted them to finish their education. Science has given us ways out. Why is it the poorer countries and folks that it happens to? They are not worse than the more affluent ones who may even engage in it more often! It is ignorance & united with PPFN on Ikorodu road ba k then used to engage in public education. Onyeka Onwenu and King Sunny Ade even sang for UNICEF to create awareness (wait for me)!
Please I’m not blaming the woman I’m simply saying she will bear the consequence after the 15 minute act so she needs to be more careful AFTER the act. Did I live like that? No! I had my first boyfriend, later hubby three years after graduation. Not everyone can do it so copy the western culture well since this is all copied from the west. If they were this careless their population would have become double like Nigeria was 90ion people just some decade ago but now 200million plus!
I am also of the opinion that the stereotypical “Nigerian parents” are harsh and need to know tha parental love is unconditional and not earned. “God showed his love in that while we were dirty sinners, he sent Jesus”. God is the perfect example of parenting. Like the GPS, if you make a mistake, he lets you know and re-routes you. God is not the Italian “godfather” but God the Father. Never throw your children out regardless of their mistakes in life. If you provide details of this girl and she still wants to go to school, there may be a way to help her. God wants us to be like him.
I’m not the “Ang” because I don’t say women control sex but they decide whether they want to be pregnant so they control their baby mama decision.
That your last statement is apt. 👌
ReplyDelete.... let's not throw out the baby with the dirty bath water.
I don't understand some parents, my cousin got pregnant when she was in year 1, the mother called and talked to the guy that impregnated her that she will only take care of her own daughter that the guy should double his hustle to take care of his unborn baby. My cousin is now a graduate doing well for herself and our dear Darasimi now a big boy in SS 1
DeleteYou don't judge people till you wear their shoes. Unwanted pregnancy can set you back. Very correct. When they send you to school. Go and read book. Come out and enjoy adult life. Life is stage by stage
ReplyDeleteThere is no shoe in this story that will excuse you throwing your future in the bin. She had consensual sex and got one of the most common results of the act. She can still make the very most of her life but you cannot use that as a blind cover to make her some sort of victim here.
DeleteFrom your teenage years, you should draw up a future plan so bright that you will rather use your hands and move on to the next thing than have an itch or bulge derail it. I studied a course so high in demand many colleagues postponed any form of relationship till final years or graduation. She knew the kind of parents that gave birth to her so what business had she taking risks that unlike others, she could not afford?
If someone driving drunk killed a family on the road, will you tell the judge not to throw the book at him because everyone has a story? Other people use their story to push themselves through to success. I am happy she had started doing that.
This is really painful.
ReplyDeleteIt was back in the old days people do this kind of thing.
Parents know better these days
Exactly, I can never abandon my child, you will bear the brunt of your mistake sha but I'll keep supporting to the best of my ability.
DeleteYes unwanted pregnancy will definitely send you back. I refuse to abort the pregnancy, It was the darkest time in my life but God see me through it all . That My boy of yesterday is now a man .Mr k keep shining the Lord is your strength.
ReplyDelete🤗🤗🤗
DeleteHmmmm oga parents disowning is not bad o. It is the boy running and abandoning the woman that is worse. Nothing is as painful as laying down and remembering all the sweet nonsense that was spoken to you. My late mother got pregnant at 18 and my dad being the typical nijia man of those days ran away after putting her in the family way. Hmmmm at the end of the day, how did my mother's life play out? She tried her best to put food on my table but her coming from a poor family did not help. Anyone would think the story will end well... at the end, my mother died at age 30 when I was only 12yrs old. My father continued with his life, married and have 5 lovely kids. The best part is that my father still thinks that I am his evil child and has never cared about my well-being. Imagine having a father and it feels like you have nobody. So at the end, the girl is always at a loss. Think through before one boy will come and say sweet nonsense. Some of them are demon possessed sent to come ruin your destiny. Be watchful. My father is in Canada with his family while my mother is 6ft below. All the Limousine I promised to get her did not come to pass. My only prayer is that the good Lord accept her soul, forgive her sins and comfort her on all sides. Amen. Mummy your only child is turning out well o. Very soon we will give you lovely grandchildren and you will hear my gist in heaven. Love u always. Thank you for being strong enough to carry the pregnancy and not giving up on me even when abortion was brought to the table.
ReplyDelete🥲😢 it is well. Continue to progress in silence, your growth will silence and shame him. I like your spirit 🙏
Delete🤗🤗🤗
DeleteMay God comfort you and use this story to save others from that pain. "Cursed is he who trusts in man" is what the Bible says. Many men and women are doing the work of two people because promises made in the heat of passion are even more fickle than we can imagine.
DeleteRemember the song " if you love me, you will wait for me".
Men as a specie never put themselves at a disadvantage in anything. Women are always sacrificing for men’s happiness. Your mother’s life was not in vain, you are here and you are the living testament of her life. You can hold up her name even when she is no longer here, you are the scribe and the true love of her life speaking a story of her that has nothing to do about an unwed pregnant woman, but a woman of love, joy, hard work and sacrifice. You give her life a meaning beyond the label s of others.
DeleteYour father hates you because you know the truth of who he is. You remain the only person who can speak to a side of him that nobody else knows, even when he has gone to a distant land to make himself over. So you are hated because you are the eyes and voice of truth that remains. You hold the gavel over his head.
Thank you. God bless you for the words of encouragement.
Delete@the white enchantress thank you so much. God is the lift of our heads. May blessings locate you always.
DeleteI shed tears reading your story.
DeleteSuccess is the best revenge. May you be successful in all areas, shame your runaway dad and make your mum happy.
I will never abandon any child of mine who got anyone pregnant or got pregnant without marriage
22:24 is right.
DeleteHonestly, I don't know how to react in these situations. I'm a single mom myself to 2 lovely children. If I had to make a choice different from the ones I made then, I'm definitely not keeping any of those babies. Why? I didn't even want children. He was always talking about the future. I didn't imagine that I'd be able to have babies. When I found out I was pregnant, I just couldn't make the choice of termination. Down the line, I knew I couldn't stay with him. 2 children split between mom and dad. I can barely keep up with taking care of my child because I have to be partially responsible for my parents too.
ReplyDeleteLooking back to all the comments on the blog telling me it's going to be alright. I shake my head and smile. It's not alright. It's not alright because I still begrudge myself for bringing children into this world to suffer separation. I wish I had the b@!!$ to make a pro choice stand then.
Oh madam I feel your pain and yes it is hard to keep pushing. But the likes of you and my late mother gave us your children a chance to live. I speak to you that untimely death will not come near you. You will leave to enjoy God's goodness and the harvest of your children. Put in the work and don't give up. Lastly sow good seed in them. My late mother never said anything bad about my father one day. I grew up and found out the kind of man he was. She made me see good in everything.
DeleteAwww 🤗🤗 so sorry I've to tell you this again.. everything is going to be fine🤗🤗
DeleteI think I can understand how you feel. This happened to me at 21 at university. It was irresponsible of me but my only excuse is that I was naive and it was my first sexual experience. I made a pro choice. It has been about 15 years since and I reflect on it now and again and every single time I reach the same conclusion that if I had to make the decision again in the same conditions I was in then, I would make the same choice. It would have been a complete mess for the baby and myself. I’ve been open with my fiancé about it and also the fact that I’m really sorry that I had to do it but I don’t regret my choice. Even if that was my only ever chance to have a child, I would still make the same choice in the same conditions. It’s only the person wearing the shoes that knows where it is pinching him/her. My fiancé is Catholic so he doesn’t agree with my decision but he can understand my choice. At the end of the day, the important thing is to do what you can live with. I made the choice to have unprotected sex and it is my cross to carry how I decide is best. The only person that can judge me is God and I’ve made peace with this. Terminating a pregnancy, at least in my opinion, isn’t easy. I’ve had to live with the guilt for 15 years but, for me, it was better than two ruined lives. Mr Impregnator with a Million Promises moved on with his life, got married and is still carrying on with his dubious lifestyle. However, I was also able to move on, complete three degrees, have a successful career, support my family, do so many amazing things and meet and get engaged to a wonderful man. This is just my own story.
DeleteSome parents are really something else. Thank God I never had to worry about being kicked out of the house and I have never kicked anyone out. What will they tell God? I hope they do not believe in a heaven because how will they want to go into God’s house to live eternally there when they kicked out their own child and grandchild to the mercy of the world.
ReplyDeleteAll my heart goes out to the woman and her baby. I hope a living miracle happens for them and their lives improve tremendously.
Chia
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Anon 15:26👍🏾 Your father despised your mom not you, he was probably also “derailed & went through stuff” you may never know unless you reach out to him. Some men despise women who get pregnant after the act as if they did not take part or they did not know the implication. It’s strange but it happens everyday. I advise women, not to let any man get them pregnant over a few minutes of passion! It happened last night, go buy plan B or postinor if you are not on birth control Abstinence is the best but we live in a different world.
ReplyDeleteYoung ladies should protect themselves if not from sex but from pregnancy till they are ready. We don’t follow our children everywhere to know what they do.
After raising them in the way of God, I simply tell my adult children and their friends to be on birth control if steadily dating and are intent on doing stuff & ensure their guy uses condoms to prevent STI Many got HPV vaccine as teens here.
Parents should show unconditional love, agape love, to their children if it happens. It helps them get back on track. You can even take the grandchild and let the young woman return to school. That is when they need you most and all preaching and piety can be replaced with love at that point. Love covers a multitude of sins.
I am glad you are doing well. Thank you for your advice to young women to learn from your late mom’s story. May God continue to lift up your head in Jesus Name🙏🏾