Is it okay to get married to someone who ticks all my boxes, treats me well, is serious minded but i am still not so attracted to the person?? Can this change over time during marriage? Has anyone been in this boat? Please advise.
This person ticks all your boxes?treats you well and is serious minded?Perfect recipe for love.....Attraction is important but who e help?All other emotions will follow later........The most important thing is to be with someone who loves you.
What will you do if you marry him and get attracted to another man later? There's 99% chance that you will cheat on this guy if you marry him. Don't deceive him into marrying you and then starve him of sex since you aint attracted to him, else I'd pray to God to send him his soul mate after marriage. Your eye go clear then.
My dear, you won’t be fine o Please take this from a woman who is 5yrs married to a man she was never physically attracted to; just like you, I thought I will grow to be attracted but it just never happened. I don’t enjoy sex with him, I don’t crave him when he’s away, i don’t just feel anything. Please weigh your options and consider you may never become attracted to him, how will you cope? In my case, genotype was a determining factor for me, and I am blessed to have healthy kids, so I don’t go about crying about not being attracted to my husband, but you need to ask yourself what’s the most reason you want to go ahead with a man you’re not attracted to?
Yes, it is possible. Some ppl who got married in arranged marriages where they only met their spouse on the day of the wedding, formed strong, loving marriages. Anything is possible, what your story will be nobody knows. Some ppl age gracefully others don’t. The best thing you can both do is to both embark on a healthy lifestyle.
If you cannot imagine yourself being touched or intimate with this person or they physically repulse you then please leave it alone. That feeling will only get stronger when you have to wake up seeing their morning face, hearing their sounds or watching them eat day after day. It’s the little occurrences that will cause the friction in daily life, so know what you can stomach.
Many of those people were instantly attracted to th person when they were matched They just didn’t know the person well I’ve watched many interviews and you can see even now they find the person attractive
And I have seen many interviews where they had no instant attraction and it took time for the attraction to grow, in some cases even years. And for others no attraction materialized, as stated in some of the comments here. It is a gamble and only the poster can decide if they are a gambling type.
Poster,please don't get married to the man,I am sick and tired of the ex factors and loveless marriages,that's affecting the overall well-being of the marriage institution. Marriage is a journey with this kind of your mind set,don't embark on one,with the innocent man.🙄🙄🙄
Absolutely!!! Love or attraction grows over time. Especially when it’s fed. With time you will begin to want to replicate his kindness and good deeds and with that love grows Remember love is a decision it’s not a feeling. Attraction can still fade sef
He ticks all the boxes and still you are not attracted to him. That means you have no feelings for him. Or which other attraction do you want?? Love comes with a strong free natural feelings. Some may be outward looks that get them attracted to someone, others may be inner beauty.
While advising, let us not underate the power of physical or sexual attraction, its a very important mix in the marital journey. OP, why are you not physically attracted to him, can you itemize them and see if you can work on them or he can improve in those areas. If all seems hopeless, my candid advise for is ABORT MISSION, because you may end up cheating on hi
Most ladies don't know what they really want, and I think poster is one of such. A man that ticks all your boxes, according to you, yet you're here thinking like a baby; I bet you're still in your mid twenties, don't worry by the time you get to your thirties your thinking go don set. And I'm pretty sure you have nothing to offer as well. I feel sorry for the poor guy, he's been so blinded by love that he can't see through enough to know that the lady he is in love with, doesn't love him back in return.
My dear, how old are you? Continue looking for six packs until you reach almost 40. I married at 36 when all hope was lost. Men had never toasted me before all my life. I and my husband were even introduced to one another. He was forty-three. so I decided to marry him. I always had a bad dream like my enemy wearing my mother's wedding gown and it was full of holes and black. Only wheelbarrow pushers or heavy street drunkards always toast me and it wasn't as if I dressed badly. My husband is so cool, calm, and gentle. I prayed and fasted for 21 days before I married him and God told me to go ahead three times in my dreams. I didn't like him initially but because of how he respects me, we both decided to go ahead with the wedding and by God's grace, we are twelve years now in marriage with very beautiful children (both males and females). People so admire my children and always tell me they are beautiful and handsome despite both of us giving birth at old age and even our children are normal not imbeciles like Google says for late marriage. maybe I'll send my chronicles of hope to SDK blog.
Pls, if you are already of age, and you desire marriage,tell family members or church members that you desire friendship in a man which you will even appreciate it leads to marriage. This is what my mum did and the family member told a family and that's how I met my darling husband.
I am the poster up there. Some people are lucky with a toaster and know how it feels while I was never ever toasted but God did his miracle in my life after prayers
How long have you been together? If long, please stop. If short, wait awhile. Fact that you are asking this question show it is not likely to grow. If you had asked how you will make you like him, there would have been better chances that it would grow. You are only thinking about you in going into this marriage. Very delicate.
that means you have someone in mind, you need to open your heart and see the good in the person. In no time you will fall in love with that person. If someone ticks all your boxes and good like you said why are you not emotionally attached to this person? maybe you are eyeing someone else.
You both should move forward so you can be with your rightful partners. People may tell you that the attraction will develop over time, but in your case, I doubt it.
Let's be factual: how is it possible that the attraction you didn't feel throughout the dating period will suddenly spring up after marriage? A marriage is a magnifier of flaws and imperfections. The temple of 'See finish'. Where you get to know your true selves in 'all your glory'. Don't get me wrong, attraction can grow, but ask yourself why yours hasn't grown all this time to the point where marriage is brought up.
Attraction is very important in a healthy relationship. It goes beyond the physical and sexual aspects. The overall attraction is also deeper than just looks. There has to be something about the other person that brings you excitement when you look at them; something that elicits joy when you are out with them; something that gives you pride when you evaluate the way they handle situations; the way they think and act; the relief you feel when they tell you they are almost at your place; or they are coming over.
How can you even respect a man whom you are not attracted to? You won't feel the need to pull your weight in the marriage, unlike the way you would eagerly aim to please a man you had fire in your loins for. You will later become miserable and resent him.
Poster, deep down, your whole essence doesn't even want him, and you know being with him doesn't feel right, but the scarcity mindset of what if you don't get someone better has you stuck.
Most women I know are always excited about marriage plans but look at you being cold like a fish concerning such a huge and beautiful step in your life. The fact that you sent in a chronicle is enough of a sign that you need to let him be with who he truly deserves. Stop wasting his time. There is someone out there who is a perfect fit for him and you, too, but you just have to stop forcing it.
Understandably, you may feel bad for not being attracted to him or even guilty because you know he is a good person, but that does not mean you should stay with him. See, a man or woman can be good but not good for you, and that is fine. Also, you shouldn't force yourself to find a person attractive. You will do both of you a huge favour if you let him go.
If you decide to go ahead, do you think eventually he won‘t notice your lack of attraction? Indifference? What are you going to do about intimacy, physical touch, and kisses? Are you going to act stiff? Eventually, he will pick up on your non-verbal cues and may decide to tolerate your indifference for a while hoping you would come around, but for how long till he finally gets tired after all he is human, he will feel slighted and also get to resent you. He will get tired of being the bigger person, lose the attraction he has for you, or even get abusive.
You have put it so succinctly! Poster, don't let people deceive you and tell you, you can't have it all. You can have it all! Know this and let this guy go.
Abeg if you don’t want to marry the person because of attraction. Please free the guy for better woman that will love and appreciate him. Inukwa ajuju, you never serious
Wrong road! I was in your shoes two years ago, and suffice to say the union ended badly. I thought he ticked almost all my boxes but I was not attracted to him. The one thing that was missing was wits. I love witty guys and my ex wasn't one. I married him after pressure from all ends. My one fear was that I would settle for him, and I would met 'my person' after we were married. The union was a disaster! We are separated now and when I tell you I have peace of mind, I am not joking. I would rather remain single that stay married to someone who I am barely tolerating!
I had a boss who experienced something similar. I think her marriage ended in 6-9 months, she hated being married. Fast forward about 15 yrs later she found her person and is living a life she loves.
This same question I have been wanting to ask since this December. This guy ticks all the boxes. Infact he is the kind of person I want but physical attraction spoilt everything.
Among the 3 serious minded guys that came to ask my hand in marriage this December, he is the only person I feel at ease with.The other two guys are physically attractive but I don't feel smooth flow in our conversations and other things... God abeg don't give me a person that I will not be physically attracted to😢. Lol, if I was physically attracted to this guy I would have hugged him and say 'don't mention, you are the one I've been looking for ' 🤗I told him am not interested. He put a lot of effort to make me see reasons with him but I can't. I just cannot do it. This is what I've been running away from for years and now it's coming to me?
I told the second guy to 'let me go and pray and ask God if he is truly the one for me' just said that because I didn't like him for marriage or even relationship, even though we have been close pals for years. I actually said a short prayer concerning that, telling God why I don't like him. Been waiting for feedback since then but no show.
The 3rd one has been wooing me for years before he traveled. We have been close pals, even though we never dated. Came back this yuletide season and came to propose but that same thing that made me refuse to date him is still keeping me from dating him. It's even worse now that he has gone to enmass wealth. He likes money too much and it's so annoying. It's good to chase money but this guy is overdoing it and it's making me to suspect him. Keeps sending me morning devotion audio messages from all this white ministers every morning but it's not working. I am not just at ease with him in my mind. Conversation is not flowing smoothly... Physically, he's the kind of person I would be very proud to show off.
Continue to pray for God's guidance. There are some things worth more than physical attraction, but it is a good thing to have. I am glad you are not ignoring your instincts.
It's in chronicles like this that one sees the other side of why men fall out of love and withdraw. They notice the coldness, subtle signs of unreciprocated love and sometimes the lack of effort from us, then they bounce. Who told us this lie "marry who love you more" without balancing it. Unrequited love gradually dies, for how long will you pretend in marriage especially when there's no attraction?. Someone once said "don't be in love with the idea of marriage, instead be in a loving marriage and make it work" . Love is commitment, it is amplifying the good traits of your spouse while working to improve any troubling characters. Give yourself two weeks-Pray first and let your inner eyes be open to what's lovable about this guy, if after nothing develops, bounce. PCX
You need the Ruth Factor (we live here come whatever) to succeed in this kind of planned marriage.
If you are not that kind of person, but a sensuous woman, pleasure lover, materialistic though not greedy woman, chop life geng woman, etc. please disarm your self from the man.
Just a bit curious Is attraction not part of your boxes he ticked? Cos I wonder how others are there and something as important as physical attraction wasn't in the list abi box
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What will you do if you marry him and get attracted to another man later? There's 99% chance that you will cheat on this guy if you marry him. Don't deceive him into marrying you and then starve him of sex since you aint attracted to him, else I'd pray to God to send him his soul mate after marriage. Your eye go clear then.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you won’t be fine o
DeletePlease take this from a woman who is 5yrs married to a man she was never physically attracted to; just like you, I thought I will grow to be attracted but it just never happened.
I don’t enjoy sex with him, I don’t crave him when he’s away, i don’t just feel anything. Please weigh your options and consider you may never become attracted to him, how will you cope?
In my case, genotype was a determining factor for me, and I am blessed to have healthy kids, so I don’t go about crying about not being attracted to my husband, but you need to ask yourself what’s the most reason you want to go ahead with a man you’re not attracted to?
Yes, it is possible. Some ppl who got married in arranged marriages where they only met their spouse on the day of the wedding, formed strong, loving marriages. Anything is possible, what your story will be nobody knows. Some ppl age gracefully others don’t. The best thing you can both do is to both embark on a healthy lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteIf you cannot imagine yourself being touched or intimate with this person or they physically repulse you then please leave it alone. That feeling will only get stronger when you have to wake up seeing their morning face, hearing their sounds or watching them eat day after day. It’s the little occurrences that will cause the friction in daily life, so know what you can stomach.
Many of those people were instantly attracted to th person when they were matched
DeleteThey just didn’t know the person well
I’ve watched many interviews and you can see even now they find the person attractive
And I have seen many interviews where they had no instant attraction and it took time for the attraction to grow, in some cases even years. And for others no attraction materialized, as stated in some of the comments here. It is a gamble and only the poster can decide if they are a gambling type.
Delete18:30 we are talking about arranged marriages
DeletePoster,please don't get married to the man,I am sick and tired of the ex factors and loveless marriages,that's affecting the overall well-being of the marriage institution. Marriage is a journey with this kind of your mind set,don't embark on one,with the innocent man.🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteYou'll be fine my dear, you can never get perfection, the person you may even be attracted to might not tick all your boxes. So be wise.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!!! Love or attraction grows over time. Especially when it’s fed. With time you will begin to want to replicate his kindness and good deeds and with that love grows
DeleteRemember love is a decision it’s not a feeling. Attraction can still fade sef
Zendaya
He ticks all the boxes and still you are not attracted to him. That means you have no feelings for him. Or which other attraction do you want?? Love comes with a strong free natural feelings.
ReplyDeleteSome may be outward looks that get them attracted to someone, others may be inner beauty.
Stella has finished the whole thing for you..
ReplyDeleteWho e help
You will be fine.
Aunty, na u get bele, na u know wetin dey there. Just go for what makes you happy..simples
As far as he doesn't repulse you, he ticks all the box, the attraction and love will grow. better marrying someone that loves you o
ReplyDeleteYes my dear please go ahead as long as you are comfortable around him
ReplyDeletetalking from experience, do not marry him. u will cheat
ReplyDeleteMarry him
ReplyDeleteGifty
Try loving the person before marriage.
ReplyDeleteTry, pray join sef.
Before you go and frustrate the son of man in marriage or go on a wild chase...
While advising, let us not underate the power of physical or sexual attraction, its a very important mix in the marital journey. OP, why are you not physically attracted to him, can you itemize them and see if you can work on them or he can improve in those areas. If all seems hopeless, my candid advise for is ABORT MISSION, because you may end up cheating on hi
ReplyDeleteTalatu
Most ladies don't know what they really want, and I think poster is one of such. A man that ticks all your boxes, according to you, yet you're here thinking like a baby; I bet you're still in your mid twenties, don't worry by the time you get to your thirties your thinking go don set. And I'm pretty sure you have nothing to offer as well.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for the poor guy, he's been so blinded by love that he can't see through enough to know that the lady he is in love with, doesn't love him back in return.
Please just advise and move on…. Nothing will change even if she is in her fifties..
DeleteMy dear, how old are you? Continue looking for six packs until you reach almost 40. I married at 36 when all hope was lost. Men had never toasted me before all my life. I and my husband were even introduced to one another. He was forty-three. so I decided to marry him. I always had a bad dream like my enemy wearing my mother's wedding gown and it was full of holes and black. Only wheelbarrow pushers or heavy street drunkards always toast me and it wasn't as if I dressed badly. My husband is so cool, calm, and gentle. I prayed and fasted for 21 days before I married him and God told me to go ahead three times in my dreams.
ReplyDeleteI didn't like him initially but because of how he respects me, we both decided to go ahead with the wedding and by God's grace, we are twelve years now in marriage with very beautiful children (both males and females). People so admire my children and always tell me they are beautiful and handsome despite both of us giving birth at old age and even our children are normal not imbeciles like Google says for late marriage.
maybe I'll send my chronicles of hope to SDK blog.
Pls, if you are already of age, and you desire marriage,tell family members or church members that you desire friendship in a man which you will even appreciate it leads to marriage. This is what my mum did and the family member told a family and that's how I met my darling husband.
Thanks for sharing.
DeleteThis is so encouraging, thanks for sharing
DeleteI am the poster up there. Some people are lucky with a toaster and know how it feels while I was never ever toasted but God did his miracle in my life after prayers
ReplyDeleteYour mind gave you the yes you were looking for by your dreams
DeleteGlad you’re happy
If it's prayers matter then try and work on yourself to be able to love him too
DeleteOh, sorry I thought I was responding to the chronicle poster
DeleteHow long have you been together?
ReplyDeleteIf long, please stop.
If short, wait awhile.
Fact that you are asking this question show it is not likely to grow.
If you had asked how you will make you like him, there would have been better chances that it would grow.
You are only thinking about you in going into this marriage.
Very delicate.
Do not marry him. I can't even date someone I am not attracted to. The attraction has to be there.
ReplyDeleteIt's best to marry a man who loves you more.my dear,he will treat you like a queen.
ReplyDeleteThis will be good only if she will respect him in return. Not all women will give out thesame energy of love that the man gives
Deletethat means you have someone in mind, you need to open your heart and see the good in the person. In no time you will fall in love with that person. If someone ticks all your boxes and good like you said why are you not emotionally attached to this person? maybe you are eyeing someone else.
ReplyDeleteNo, it is not.
ReplyDeleteYou both should move forward so you can be with your rightful partners. People may tell you that the attraction will develop over time, but in your case, I doubt it.
Let's be factual: how is it possible that the attraction you didn't feel throughout the dating period will suddenly spring up after marriage? A marriage is a magnifier of flaws and imperfections. The temple of 'See finish'. Where you get to know your true selves in 'all your glory'. Don't get me wrong, attraction can grow, but ask yourself why yours hasn't grown all this time to the point where marriage is brought up.
Attraction is very important in a healthy relationship. It goes beyond the physical and sexual aspects. The overall attraction is also deeper than just looks. There has to be something about the other person that brings you excitement when you look at them; something that elicits joy when you are out with them; something that gives you pride when you evaluate the way they handle situations; the way they think and act; the relief you feel when they tell you they are almost at your place; or they are coming over.
How can you even respect a man whom you are not attracted to? You won't feel the need to pull your weight in the marriage, unlike the way you would eagerly aim to please a man you had fire in your loins for. You will later become miserable and resent him.
Poster, deep down, your whole essence doesn't even want him, and you know being with him doesn't feel right, but the scarcity mindset of what if you don't get someone better has you stuck.
Most women I know are always excited about marriage plans but look at you being cold like a fish concerning such a huge and beautiful step in your life. The fact that you sent in a chronicle is enough of a sign that you need to let him be with who he truly deserves. Stop wasting his time. There is someone out there who is a perfect fit for him and you, too, but you just have to stop forcing it.
Understandably, you may feel bad for not being attracted to him or even guilty because you know he is a good person, but that does not mean you should stay with him. See, a man or woman can be good but not good for you, and that is fine. Also, you shouldn't force yourself to find a person attractive. You will do both of you a huge favour if you let him go.
If you decide to go ahead, do you think eventually he won‘t notice your lack of attraction? Indifference? What are you going to do about intimacy, physical touch, and kisses? Are you going to act stiff? Eventually, he will pick up on your non-verbal cues and may decide to tolerate your indifference for a while hoping you would come around, but for how long till he finally gets tired after all he is human, he will feel slighted and also get to resent you. He will get tired of being the bigger person, lose the attraction he has for you, or even get abusive.
Words on Marble.
You have put it so succinctly! Poster, don't let people deceive you and tell you, you can't have it all. You can have it all! Know this and let this guy go.
Delete💯
DeleteAbeg if you don’t want to marry the person because of attraction. Please free the guy for better woman that will love and appreciate him. Inukwa ajuju, you never serious
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteWrong road! I was in your shoes two years ago, and suffice to say the union ended badly. I thought he ticked almost all my boxes but I was not attracted to him. The one thing that was missing was wits. I love witty guys and my ex wasn't one. I married him after pressure from all ends. My one fear was that I would settle for him, and I would met 'my person' after we were married. The union was a disaster! We are separated now and when I tell you I have peace of mind, I am not joking. I would rather remain single that stay married to someone who I am barely tolerating!
ReplyDeleteI had a boss who experienced something similar. I think her marriage ended in 6-9 months, she hated being married. Fast forward about 15 yrs later she found her person and is living a life she loves.
DeleteThis same question I have been wanting to ask since this December. This guy ticks all the boxes. Infact he is the kind of person I want but physical attraction spoilt everything.
ReplyDeleteAmong the 3 serious minded guys that came to ask my hand in marriage this December, he is the only person I feel at ease with.The other two guys are physically attractive but I don't feel smooth flow in our conversations and other things... God abeg don't give me a person that I will not be physically attracted to😢. Lol, if I was physically attracted to this guy I would have hugged him and say 'don't mention, you are the one I've been looking for ' 🤗I told him am not interested. He put a lot of effort to make me see reasons with him but I can't. I just cannot do it. This is what I've been running away from for years and now it's coming to me?
I told the second guy to 'let me go and pray and ask God if he is truly the one for me' just said that because I didn't like him for marriage or even relationship, even though we have been close pals for years. I actually said a short prayer concerning that, telling God why I don't like him. Been waiting for feedback since then but no show.
The 3rd one has been wooing me for years before he traveled. We have been close pals, even though we never dated. Came back this yuletide season and came to propose but that same thing that made me refuse to date him is still keeping me from dating him. It's even worse now that he has gone to enmass wealth. He likes money too much and it's so annoying. It's good to chase money but this guy is overdoing it and it's making me to suspect him. Keeps sending me morning devotion audio messages from all this white ministers every morning but it's not working. I am not just at ease with him in my mind. Conversation is not flowing smoothly... Physically, he's the kind of person I would be very proud to show off.
Continue to pray for God's guidance. There are some things worth more than physical attraction, but it is a good thing to have. I am glad you are not ignoring your instincts.
DeleteYeah , thank you anon 1943
DeleteNa your kind dey waste men time nonsense
Delete00:36
DeleteNa the men dey waste them time and, sadly, her time too.
I am a man. Comment based on personal experience.
It's in chronicles like this that one sees the other side of why men fall out of love and withdraw. They notice the coldness, subtle signs of unreciprocated love and sometimes the lack of effort from us, then they bounce. Who told us this lie "marry who love you more" without balancing it. Unrequited love gradually dies, for how long will you pretend in marriage especially when there's no attraction?.
ReplyDeleteSomeone once said "don't be in love with the idea of marriage, instead be in a loving marriage and make it work" . Love is commitment, it is amplifying the good traits of your spouse while working to improve any troubling characters. Give yourself two weeks-Pray first and let your inner eyes be open to what's lovable about this guy, if after nothing develops, bounce.
PCX
You will cheat on him. Dont marry him. Talking from experience. You will frustrate the guy's life. Pls leave him alone.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to be with someone you're not attracted to, but I believe you will with time
ReplyDeletePoster carry go, marry him
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteYou need the Ruth Factor (we live here come whatever) to succeed in this kind of planned marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf you are not that kind of person, but a sensuous woman, pleasure lover, materialistic though not greedy woman, chop life geng woman, etc. please disarm your self from the man.
Just a bit curious
ReplyDeleteIs attraction not part of your boxes he ticked? Cos I wonder how others are there and something as important as physical attraction wasn't in the list abi box