EXPECTANT MOTHER
How else can I explain to my mum dat d fact I stay in Abuja doesn't mean I pluck money from d tree?
My mom goes about telling her neighbors like I married the richest man not knowing that we are also managing..not that she doesn't know cos I tell her almost everything that happens in my home..
My salary is just 30k..send her and my dad 10k at thr end of the month... transport fare is still there..I am her third child but she only calls me for almost everything.
Now like three of her neighbors have been calling me concerning where she lives(it's her personal house)that the ceiling has removed and I should pls help her do it before rain starts so that rain won't be disturbing her..
Infact, they sent me the bill of materials that will be used...almost 120k...I called my siblings and they are all saying they don't have money, meaning I should do it..
With which money abeg..?
I don't really like disturbing my husband for money when it comes to my family bcos he is also battling with his own and make see finish no too enter...
Now she is forming she didn't send them to tell me which I know it's a lie....I just don't know what to do...
Why dont you tell her that you dont have to give?Can she not use rent she collects to fix the house? The expectations of Nigerian parents from their children is shocking....If the person has to give, it is fine but it must not be mandatory nau.
Since your other siblings said that they dont have and you dont have, then let your mum know that there is no money for her......
Sending neighbouts to call you is soooo wrong!
You people that still have mum don’t know your blessings
ReplyDeleteSo she should die because she still has a mother cant you see that she is also having some financial difficult?
DeleteThat she has a mum the reason why she should have HBP looking for money up and down to love you to the mother's standard?
DeleteWhat exactly do you mean?🙄🙄🙄
DeleteWhat is this one saying
DeleteThis one name high way mama! Willie willie practioner😂
DeleteYou're very funny.
DeleteHer neighbours didn't call you to beg you to give them money. They called you to help your mother.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have, borrow and fix that roof.
Blessings will locate you very soon, that i am sure.
People like you will come here and lie …she should put herself in debt ?
DeleteShe should kill herself abi?
DeleteIs she her only child, the mother should call all her children, let them all contribute and fix it
Let her mother borrow and fix the roof. Blessings will also come soon.
DeleteBorrow to fix the roof?! You must be joking..
DeleteIf she told you that she didn't send them, find out the truth to know whether the neighbours are the ones lying, There are neighbors that don't mind their business like the man I mentioned here in the morning that lies a lot.
ReplyDeleteHow did they get her number and not the other siblings?
Delete15:12, she discussed it with them, that’s why they were bold to call her. Not one, but 3, and that’s not fair.
DeleteAm a mother also but this is no no for me, How can you aa a mother never understand that your child is not financial ok. Parents should also have a plan b for themselves,. May God bless our children for us.
ReplyDeleteIt's kinda embarrassing. I didn't mean she should neglect her family, there is a limit to certain things. The husband is still struggling and she added her own family problem to their marriage.
DeleteParents need to raise children right but with no expectation.African woman treat their children like a retirement account or 401k and that’s just wrong.Raise your kids well and if they grow up to take care of you,fine and if not fine too.our generation needs to do better and plan for retirement.YOuR KIDs are NOT your 401k
DeleteThis is too much now
ReplyDeleteHmm it is well with you poster
You guys should try and do your mum's roof. What is this nah?
ReplyDeleteDon’t mind them but when she dies they won’t mind borrowing money for lavish burial wicked things
DeleteI.tire..Our parents ate elderly n its our duty to help dem...
DeleteAll of them not only her, since she is also struggling
Deleteposter you don't need to mount pressure on yourself about the whole issue, just explain things to your mum that you don't have money to fix the roof at the moment but she should keep praying for things to be better. Let her understand that you don't have and not like you don't want to do it.
ReplyDeleteDo not borrow to fix it now cos she will feel you have the money but don't want to assist. You can do it little by little till you complete it. Weather your mum neighbors called you or not just let your mum know that your husband is not doing so well, everyone is just managing in this Nigeria.
since is a major work please find a way to speak to your husband and see if he can assist you with anything and then you still go back to your siblings with what you have and ask them to complete it. E.g if you raise up to 70k you can ask others to raise the balance or you all share the 120k. Don't forget that you could send someone for second evaluation cos money no dey now.
Share the responsibility amongst you and siblings. If there's 4 of you, everybody 30k within the next three months. You people should not watch rain beat your mother under a roof, this is an essential expense even if you all have to borrow. For Other expenses that are non essential, you can ignore
ReplyDeleteThe politics of siblings dodging responsibility for one or two but coming to struggle property is a story for another day
DeleteI pray God comes for you poster, Do what you can and leave the rest for God. Parent sometimes should be considerate towards their kids. So many young people committing atrocity just to prove themselves to their parents which is so wrong.
ReplyDeleteShe knows. The answer is in the chronicle. She expects her husband to do it. That's the part we don't talk about when we compare Nigerian marriages with inter-racial marriages; when we talk about women staying on despite; when we want some husbands to be in the kitchen turning eba but they prefer to rest after working their brains and bodies off meeting silent bills, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat's why we shouldn't be too quick to say it can't be me concerning another man/woman's marriage, which is true because it is not us and it is not our marriages.
So in essence what have you said? What solution have you proffered for the OP?
DeleteAs much as I love to help my mum the best way that I can, she understands that when I have, she doesn't need to tell me anything before I do the needful and she doesn't put me under any kind of pressure. If anything, she supports me financially when the chips are down. God bless you mum💋💋💋
ReplyDeleteParents should stop putting pressure on their children to avoid leading them to depression. 9ja of today, most children are just struggling to stay above water level. It is well.
Poster, explain to your mother the situation of things and tell her that when you are a lil stable financially, you'll do the needful. May God bless your finances.
😂😂
ReplyDeleteMake I no mistankely know your address for this town oh ..
Na your house I go come straight to come beg my own🚶🚶🚶
Useless comment hiding mockery inside
DeletePoster you are not an only child
Nothing I hate more than a parent who lies and embellishes their child’s achievement for public standing. They drive their kids to do immoral and criminal acts just to keep up.
ReplyDeleteThe cieling has to be fixed, you wouldn’t want to hear that a snake crawl in and bite her, then all of you will get the bad name of being useless kids. If you and your siblings can come up with half the money, and ask her to put something on it, they may be able to go as far as the money will take them. If she is a senior citizen or widow she can go to the office that helps with low income seniors to see if there is a govt program that can help with the rest.
In which country? U think say all of us dey abroad ko?
DeleteSo as big and oil rich as Nigeria is they do not have an office that looks into the affairs of seniors and widows? Even on the municipal level? I want to think something exists, a lot of time programs are out there but ppl do not know. Let’s see if someone on the blog knows something.
Delete
ReplyDeleteI am sure if your parents were wealthy, they would have helped you and your husband out financially without letting the whole world know.
But now, you brought your mother's matter here so she can be insulted by Bvs.
Your mother probably gave up a lot of life's pleasures for you.
Na wa for some children.
Wicked children
DeleteLet me tell you,when a parent takes proper care of their children,a lot of those kind of children won’t bring this type of chronicle here cos they will go to lengths to do what is right..poster doesn’t want to mention it but it doesn’t look like this mom took proper care of her kids.the nonchalance by the other kids to something as serious as a leaking roof explains it.Looks like a mother who wants to reap where she didn’t sow
DeleteNa wah..A mother can look after many children but many cant look after one mother...
DeleteGod bless you
DeleteWhat right do the neighbors have to call you and make demands and if it's your mum that asked them to call you,that's very wrong of her. Making it looks like you don't do anything for her.
ReplyDeleteIt is well poster, but if you have you do you hear, she has sacrificed for you too, it is time to do the same but only do it when it is convenient for you. God will provide, even me don lose hope on this statement but it is what it is
ReplyDeleteIt's wrong for your mother to release your number to her neighbors.
ReplyDeleteJust talk with her. I pray more money enters into your hands so that you will help her with the roof.
But why can't your brothers and sisters together with you all out hands to fix that roof for her instead of all claiming they do not have money. If truly her roof is leaking, she needs help to get it fixed before raining season
ReplyDelete17:09
DeleteThe answer is in the post. They expect her husband to do it. That's the burden of some sons and brothers -in-law. That's why it is said "Dem no dey pay bride finish". When a man pays bride price, he is given back a token amount from what he paid. He is proverbially told that he would continually spend from it in respect of his wife's family.
For some women families, they take that proverb literally and task the man.
That's why we shouldn't not be quick to judge people's marriages by ours or Oyibo standards or face value.
If some husbands tell what they see in marriages, we would be shocked.
You should have a discussion with your mum again.She should understand when you say you do not have money.
ReplyDeletePlease endeavour to take care of your aged parents because whatever you do to your parents now, your kids will also do same to you when you grow old.
It's obvious that the poster is from a poor home let's be honest. If she keeps carrying her family problem along in their marriage when her husband is still struggling till when?? Let her siblings get job to lessen the burden.
ReplyDelete💯
DeleteHmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteYou have to rally round with your siblings to repair the roof. Though your mum was very wrong to give out your number,it's out of desperation.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why people are calling the poster wicked. I don't get it. She doesn't have it. 30k a month now, where does it take anyone?
ReplyDeleteAnd why will the neighbors call her to remind her about fixing the roof that's manipulation. You can actually ask people to do things indirectly and subtly that's manipulation.
Fixing roof now with 30k and she has other siblings who say they don't have which maybe true or not.
I have a friend whose mother is always taxing and asking, by the time i heard the story I knew that the mother was being selfish.
. What if there is some exaggerating in this?
The poster knows she should take care of her Mum, but she doesn't need to borrow to do that. What if she gets into trouble after that and can't pay up as at when due???
Pls poster , talk to your Mum and make her understand.
All the best.
The neighbours are calling because they have been told by the mum that the poster is rich. They expect that as she is the rich one small 120k shouldn’t stress her to fix her mum’s roof. Had the mother not lied nobody would have called her. Depending on the mom’s age and if she lives alone they may also be worried about her safety. Rain is one thing, animals and cold night air are other things that could affect anyone with a hole in the roof.
DeleteThe leaky roof needs to be fixed the problem is where to find the money. Church or religious community could help, charities, other relatives could help and the children too.
Her mother is a manipulator by using her neighbours to talk to her. Also, she knows the PO weakness and she's really using it against her.
DeleteYou don’t want to tell your husband to give you money to fix your Mum’s roof just because of see finish. You’re a selfish person. So the rain should beat your Mum during rainy season while you’re in your house shielded. Such a lame excuse, your husband cannot give you just 120k to fix your mother’s ceiling while other in-laws are giving millions of naira to their in-law. Shameless married women that forget their family when they marry because of prick when blood is thicker than water. What you do to your mother your children will do it to you.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the shameless leeches that drown their family members to keep themselves afloat? Everyone should be responsible. Don’t have children you can’t afford. Save for your retirement. Cut your cloth according to your size. Save for rainy days.
DeleteWow! 😯
DeleteJust 120k? Take it easy abeg. If the husband can easily dash just 120k, poster will never be doing job of 30k in this economy. She has siblings, all the load should not be on her. Her mother should task all her other siblings too.
DeleteThis is not nice. Please be kinder
DeleteNigerian marriages are mostly poverty alleviation schemes for the wives and their families. That's why it is harder to leave it when it is bent. That's why men who can alleviate poverty also play god and "enjoy" as they like to the chagrin of their wives who cannot leave. That's why some women want to cheat back in marriage when leaving it is the most commonsensical step to take. That's why richer husbands truly see finish some wives and In-laws.
DeleteBut some wives and in-laws who have no shame. They leech and insult those who refuse to leech.
Hanty be calming down! OP knows her husband more than you, she's trying to manage her new family without throwing away her mom. Thankfully the rain may not come until April ending so, there's some time to solve the problem. Following your line of argument, mama may not have taken care of grandma ba? Very untrue statement! Unfortunately, there's no rich in law in this narration. The siblings will have to pull together to solve this roof problem.
DeletePoster buy second hand roofing sheets, use fairly used pvc to cover the ceiling and fix only the bedroom. God will bless you for taking care of mama, you are a kind person don't let any blog visitor pressure you ( you were worried enough to seek counsel here, that's my basis for judging your character 👍
PCX
God abeg ooo 😥
ReplyDeleteE no easy at all, please help us take care of our aged parents 🙏
See finish that your husband has finished seeing, am sure your husband has money that’s why your mum is telling people that you have money but you’ll rather not ask your husband for money cos of your pride and fake life while rain beats your mum during the rainy season. Some of you women forget where you’re coming from and your parent’s sacrifices to train you to the point that your husband saw you worthy to marry you all because of prick. Continue… what goes around comes around.
ReplyDeleteFour siblings. Only she should take care of her mother with her husband's money. After you would want to rank her and her husband in the marriage. If her husband has seen her finish, now is the time for her to stop the demanding and let herself and her siblings take back some honour.
DeleteYou cannot ask your husband money to fix your mother’s roof but you can collect money from him for you and your children to be comfortable while your mother suffers under the rain. God will judge you. And mind you, you do not need to contribute money with your siblings to fix your mothers roof, if they don’t have, you ask your husband and you fix it after all, you haven’t done much for your Mum. 10k monthly in this economy. You’re shameless to even say that. What’s the essence of having a husband that can help in your time of need.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t want your husband to see you finish while your mother’s roof is licking. You’re a wicked child. Your children will do same to you and they’ll give you 10k monthly too. Continue..
ReplyDeleteGod help us not to become burdens on our children. May we continue to be a source of financial blessing and not liability to our children in our old age. I don’t yet have children but I’ve been saving for my retirement and my future kids’ education for years now. I don’t want to put the pressure my own parents put on me on my future kids. It is not right. This cycle needs to be broken.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is economy is biting everybody, if you re buoyant that one is different,but when other siblings dey the best thing is to share the money to lessen the burden on one person.
ReplyDeleteThat's how we share my mum's rent among us.
I totally understand you esp to avoid see finish ,tell her also to stop telling neighbors to call I don't think there is anybody that doesn't know what they should do for their parents if money dey
May God provide massively for you
Check with roofers there’s a plastic they can put over it. Some people use it for years
ReplyDeleteIt’s not perfect but it will patch up for now
Award winning comment.
DeleteGreat one
DeleteI thank God for my parents that never expect anything from us, because the way things are now, I don't know how we would have done it
ReplyDeleteNa money dey yab person, fixing the roof where your mum lives doesn't call for public debate. The rainy season is almost here, find a way to patch up the roof.
ReplyDeleteThose calling Poster wicked for not billing her husband, did not read where she said he has his own family tax? Do they assume the man has not done before now hence Poster wants to self respect by not asking for more now?
ReplyDeleteThe 3 siblings are not wicked? Each cannot raise 30k to help Poster buy some respect in her marriage by asking her husband for 30k only?
After, una go say "I dey my my dey and let In-laws dey dem dey". Meanwhile, all your family bills are on your husband whose family you want to "dey dem dey" and don't want around your homes. Husbands na beast of burden for una. When una see wives doing chores as labour of love especially for beneficial husbands, una go still insinuate discontent in their hearts.
Sorry to hear about the strain this situation puts on you. From your narration you really want to help but don't have the means at the moment. The cost of roofing materials keeps going up daily and things are difficult financially. Plead with your mum to be patient (this was unexpected and needs to be addressed properly).
ReplyDeleteThe rain starts by April ending so target the repairs for then.
Due to cost of replacing roof, buy some roofing sheets march ending, skilled workman will tell you what will save you money (ask for advice around your neighbourhood).
Tell your siblings to send feeding money to your mum for the next 2 months while you focus on this problem (she's mother to you all).
Plead with your husband to give you some money to add to what you have ( I am guessing #20k - money that you would have sent to her for monthly feeding) add whatever your hubby gives you then go to her place to make the repairs. If by April it's only 50/60k you have, tell the workman to fix only the room which is most important for now... afterwards (can even be 6 months later) you can fix the parlour/other parts of the house when you have money.
Please don't argue with her, don't tell her you don't have money, just tell her to give you time.
If she insists on collecting feeding money then let her know that the roofing might wait until June, why? Because you will need some capital in order to borrow up to the money that'll fix the roof. Let her make the choice.
Anytime the neighbours call, thank them for their concern, promise to do your best and plead with them to also call your other siblings so that mama can be well cared for.
DON'T EVER FEEL GUILT FOR DOING YOUR BEST WITHIN AVAILABLE RESOURCES.
One day you'll look back and thank God that you are financially able to do more for your loved ones.
...if the phone calls about the roof are becoming too much learn to return the calls once weekly, try to remove plenty emotions from it.
ReplyDeletePCX
I think you should talk to your husband about it.
ReplyDeleteYour mum might just be denying so she doesn't get you pissed off.
Lies mothers tell to feel important , did you create that false impression or your mother is manipulative.
ReplyDeleteNow to save face, she is using neighbours to call only you? Did they call your other siblings