Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LACK OF COMMUNICATION
I complained about this guy not communicating enough yet he claims he wants to marry me, then yesterday I saw on his what app status where he posted a quote by someone which say "strong friendship doesn't need strong communication".
This is even the beginning of the relationship and the communication is as poor as this. I have told him to find his way elsewhere but he still acts as if there is nothing wrong with poor communication.
He can just stay for the whole day without calling, yet he is chilling somewhere with friends or family . God forbid.
Hmmm a new relationship and if you dont hear from him for a day, you nag? Are you not busy?This guy is not yet into you ...
Even people in love dont communicate all day...... going without communicating for a day is OK......Give him a break abeg and stop this forcing communication thingy....Take am easy...
Stella, no o. Going without communicating in a day is not ok. Communication is key.
ReplyDeleteThankyou. Don't mind stella
DeleteYour attachment styles are clearly different, I used to have a guy like that before I met my present man, just leave him, you will find one who suits your attachment style.
DeleteAh. Not okay at all o. Even me that's married, we still call to check up on each other during the day. E come be dating. Nah...
DeletePls Stella if he is not into him why did he ask her out?
DeleteDear poster whatever u are demanding from him be it communication, I tell you someone else family,friends,colleagues are getting it without plea!
Bury this guy for ur mind and know u have no relationship
Dont take relationship advice from stella please. You should talk to your partner everyday esp in the new stage of a relationship. If a man can go 24 hours and not talk to you then hes jst not that into you. Men make time for what they value. Pls start exploring your other options. Hes not the one for u. Also the fact u told him and he hasnt changed shows he doesnt care so much. You are not wrong here to have your needs
DeleteIt's not a mandate that you should talk or call everyday. There are those their jobs are hectic that they don't even have that time.
DeleteCommunication is the key, when you don't like talking on phone, you use texting.all join.
POSTER
DeleteI meant to right "Strong friendship doesn't need daily communication "
Poster
DeleteMove on
If at this stage nothing is exciting or shacking him about being in touch, HE IS NOT IT
Cut cleanly away from him and MOVE ON
What kind of dead relationship is that?
DeleteMy partner and I communicate all day. We send encouraging texts, funny memes, music we stumbled on that we like, reminders of how much we live each other, positive affirmations etc. During lunch or boring meetings its always a delight to catch up on stuff they've left for us.
Not to mention the VN or call during the day to check on how each doing.
I repeat what kind of dead relationship are y'all in?
New relationship dey catch.
ReplyDeleteThis is time you impress your partner you know.
You have every reason to complain.
We just started dating, you should be all over each other. Singe you are not getting that energy, give him space and if you get tired, move on.
How can you stay a day without reaching out?
NO matter how busy you are, you can drop messages and make up for later.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is a red flag for you both. You are the attention seeking type, while he is not.
ReplyDeleteAlso the relationship just started, give it a little time. The lack of communication might be like Stella said "he might not be into you yet" or still dealing with his last relationship that ended and need time to heal, or he is in a relationship that is taking his time off you.
He is selfish and lazy & not interested in compromise
DeleteHe is quietly trying to force you to confirm to his very low standards
Run ooo
" He is chilling with friends and family", .... poster
ReplyDeleteYou too don't you have your own circle to chill with??
If he believes that relationship doesn't need strong communication but he has other friends he chills with, according to you. Don't be the only one pushing it else you will be drained like you are complaining now.
Relationship where there is no communication is quite draining.
How else do you get in touch??
Is Like you will do what Tacha Talk ooo
DeleteBut think am first shaaa
Seems he lack good communication
Poster except he works on high sea or an active military personnel then you have no business with people who believe in poor communication..
ReplyDeleteThe thing is no one can be too busy to check up on someone that they really feel something for or they are into. He is not just into you and someone who prefers to share his thoughts on social media to get back at you or make you feel petty is not worth breaking a sweat for or worrying your pretty head....
Going by your story, you have aired your concerns and since he is not ready to adjust; just forge ahead...
Please forget him and May the love that you seek find you..
All the best..
Communication is key here my dear even if it is a few drop of words everyday. Internet has made communication easy now that you basically dont need to even call. Please if you are not comfortable end the relationship before it is late. Don't accept thing as norm just to be displeased at the end.
ReplyDeleteI'm like that. Doesn't mean I don't care about you, but 98% of the populace see it as a red flag. Can't blame them. I'm afraid of me too...😆
ReplyDeletethis girl you are a case study
DeletePoster give him a taste of his own medicine and then break up with him.
DeleteRevenge knowing she will break off is petty. Better to close door of relationship gently
DeleteAfrican girls are just a jerk ,go and get busy ok that is why poverty is a problem in Africa They dont work hard but want money to grow for them on trees,not yet marry and communication is a problem better free the man,look for your gossip partner I don't know what you want to be talking everyday if not gossip ,the reason many of African girls depend on their boyfriend for money.
ReplyDeleteNa wa for you o
DeleteDid she tell you she isn't working.
Jeeeeez! Why do you pass your messages across with insults????
DeleteYou para @goke
Delete"the reason many of African girls depend on their boyfriend for money" Word.
What is this one saying? What have African girls got to do with communication or absence of it.
DeleteGoke, really? African girls? hmmm !! I work 12hrs 6days a week and I’m always on the phone with my boyfriend..lol, at times we will dose off sef…lol. So leave African girls alone ooh they did nothing to you.
DeleteAdegoke how did you communicate with your wife when you newly started the dating ?
Delete17:18
DeleteIf you are in paid employment and you are on the phone so much during work time, you are cheating your employer or you are idle at work and your employer is cheating you of your productive time
Goke is replicating the delusion of dante, women are not the source of your problems. Look inwards , there is too much bitterness , find the root
Delete@ poster, pay no mind to SDK. Communication is key! God forbid not communicating for a day. A whole 24 hours o. If he isn’t willing to change, leave him.
ReplyDeletei think if he doesn't call you for a day is not bad, why don't you initiate the communication by teaching him. You should treat people the way you want them to treat you by calling him to understand. Stop nagging over little things, you are telling him what you want but in a wrong way.
ReplyDeleteJust try and over look him not calling you for a whole day and see how it goes, just pretend like he does not exist while you face your day to day activities. When you both are together in a happy mood you can speak about things you like or tell him about your love language. Stop making him feel that you want to control him or you don't want him to have a life apart from you. This status viewing of a thing you need to get matured about it, if you cannot cope or take things easy with him please ghost him.
EC, all this long write up is not necessary! Why would she be seeking his face, trying to please him as what when she can fling that truck that lost it's brake of a relationship! Poster better fling that relationship away! Some of you women I don't pity at all. That guy isn't into you period!
DeleteSo it will be as if am forcing myself on him? Remember this is a relationship that just started this December. Don't you think he should be the one trying to make it work for now?
DeleteHe is trying her bullshit o meter, small small very early lowering her standards and trying to make her desperate to please him. If his parents didn't teach him, is it you that will be substitute mother? What nonsense
DeleteHe is broken & thrash , move on
Good communication makes a relationship strong, someone that loves you can't stay comfortable a whole day without calling or texting you. The communication supposed to be stronger at the beginning of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteOP said she told the young man to find his way. She, was she planted there? If you don't like what the man has to offer, you can simply refuse seeing or communicating with him simple!
ReplyDeleteBesides it is not just communicating for the sake of it. What's the depth and quality of communication? What is the substance of the conversation? Communicating with a woman or man that may be a borderline imbecile might be very tasking for most people.
The how are you? What did you eat? When did you close today? Those simplistic back and forths can be very boring. Few women truly know how to hold engaging conversation. Even far fewer men do.
That said, communication shouldn't be your primary concern now. Do you and the young man have shared goals and aspirations? Do you have a complementary Outlook in life? Where is your relationship headed? A relationship with a clearly defined purpose from the beginning is a relationship with will not need to worry about lack of communication.
Mtshewww
DeleteThis 👌
DeleteDear poster kindly read and digest this write up
Points well made @15:28
DeleteIf they don't communicate, how will she find out these things you mentioned. Communication shouldn't be her primary concern yet she is supposed to know the direction they are headed. No be juju be that?
DeleteThank you 17:21 . I am the Poster. How can we get to know more about ourselves if we don't communicate regularly?
DeleteBesides, I am not the 'have you eaten type of girl you described there @Dogalmighty
Every new relationship is characterised by excitement and euphoria and that makes them want to communicate more and be with the person as often as needed.
ReplyDeleteIf he is not communicating. The excitement isn’t there
Don’t go telling him to communicate. It’s something that flows naturally. So if he’s not in touch with you, he’s not really that into you Periodt
Zendaya
Thank you
DeleteSimple
DeleteBlock the time waster using you as placeholder
Exactly 👍
DeleteRed flag.
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I newly met, we talked day and night. In fact, that was when I had insomnia for the first time in my beautiful life.
After he married me, oga now reduced it o, in fact, he will just sleep off when I'm gisting about my day. When I ask him, he'll say it runs in their gene. That even his dad sleeps off when they talk to him.
I have learned to keep quiet too.
So my sister, if he is not communicating now, it will get worse.
If you have options, explore.
If not, ask yourself if you can do without it.
Explore options= double date?
DeleteOr leave even if no other suitors now and wait for them to come?
Calm down and observe his energy. If the energy is not strong reciprocate back same energy. Don't sweat it.
ReplyDeleteI am actually reciprocating same energy.
DeleteDon't bother
DeleteWALK AWAY
Life is too short to waste it on stupid mind games
Don't bother
DeleteWALK AWAY
Life is too short to waste it on stupid mind games
Poster don't mind stella, break up immediately, he should ho and look for someone else to frustrate.
ReplyDeleteGifty
Break up? Because of communication? Na wah oh.
DeleteI said what i said o
DeleteShe has complained but he wouldn't budge, so time to let him go
Gifty
Yes, she has to break up. It may seem like a small thing to you but it is a big deal to her, else she wouldn't bring it here.
DeleteIf you have a basic expectation of how your man or woman ought to treat you and they don't meet up then, that is an obvious sign they are not the right ones for you - as long as your standard is within your own perceived acceptable range of dating behaviours.
If she tries to adjust or accommodate his ways, (ie. Meet him halfway by doing most of the calling with the hope he reciprocates) she will end up chasing him and he may feel suffocated. On the other hand, If he tries to adjust to please her by over-extending himself and calling more than if feels is necessary, he will resent her and deem her a clingy person because that is not his communication style. She would end up looking at him, like a pest. Either way, It is a lose-lose situation for her.
Poster, that is who he is, so, it is either you accept it and stay or you leave instead of faulting his calling pattern and expecting him to over-extend himself just to keep you, hereby making him resent you as time progresses and finding you less desirable.
Yes, with time he will find you less desirable(I believe he already has) because in your eyes you are voicing out your complaints meanwhile to him, you are nagging right now. Check out his reaction to your concern; a shade on WhatsApp. If that is not enough to tell you, that in his eyes, you are a nag already then I don't know what else will. Just keep it moving and keep the little desirability you have left.
Words on Marble.
Word on Marble 📌
DeleteTruly let him go and frustrate someone, he is broken and you cannot fix him
DeleteHv been in this shoe bfor, and i undertand how someone feels,as if u are not part of his life until he need somethin from me or to ask
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteI move out of d relatonship i can't cope
ReplyDeleteMaybe you were used to this in previous relationships, but everyone is different. If it bothers you and it is a non-negotiable then just break things off.
ReplyDeleteIt's a new relationship, guess he was the first to approached you for friendship. He is supposed to be the ' chaser ' if he is really interested.
ReplyDeletesomeone that have you in mind will be eager to know how feel. it may not be everyday call but at least communication is necessary.
I don't think you both want the same thing , some people are out there wanting to just get married and have kids and then abandon their partner at home because there's no bond, sex is for a reason after that they go ahead with their life like nothing ever happened. Don't overlook this.
ReplyDeleteHe does not appear to be someone that's willing to change or accept correction, let him be.
Felicity
You know it. He came for marriage. He told me he wants to marry very soon and he is not dating for long. He has even introduced me to his siblings.
DeleteWALK AWAY FAST
DeleteYou are not a person to him , he just wants to use you to mark attendance for marriage
Emotional neglect is waiting
RUN OOOO
he only wants to use you , he doesn't love or care at all for you
RUN OOOO
WALK AWAY FAST
DeleteYou are not a person to him , he just wants to use you to mark attendance for marriage
Emotional neglect is waiting
RUN OOOO
he only wants to use you , he doesn't love or care at all for you
RUN OOOO
He did not call. You did not call. You both do not care enough for each other to know how the day is going or went.
ReplyDeleteTrue love is give and take from the beginning.
You are waiting till you are married before you start calling him?
And as asked above, what is the depth and breadth of the sought communication.
Well, he does not tick an important box of yours.
You scored well on the purpose of pre-courtship friendship.
You have found out he is not for you.
Communication is very vital in any relationship. Not reaching out in a day is a red flag.
ReplyDeleteYou see that relationship, it will frustrate you o. Leave now and have peace- no long story.
DeleteAnon your comment made me laugh.
DeleteLet her keep her mind busy that way she won't be bothered. The feeling is not that deep if not the guy won't be acting like he doesn't care.
My type doesn't know how to handle men's ego or pride . I will try to reciprocate ,and when you try to carry 'shoulder,' I will keep loving myself till when you are ready for love. Soft heart needs tender , love and care.
Love is not hard.
Let it flow naturally.keep yourself busy and get your thoughts off him.once he realizes how busy you are,he will start missing your conversation and eager to have you around him.
ReplyDeleteThis is pickme behaviour you are advising her on
DeleteLol @ God forbid, abeg you are right my sister God forbid bad thing.
ReplyDeleteConstant communication at this early stage is very important, please. Observe very well and be sure of this.
ReplyDeleteNoooooooooo I disagree with you Stella. Communication is very vital as long out we go out to hustle or work everyday day Dias definitely sumtin to talk about. I speak with my boyfriend every single day. When he isn’t free to talk in the morning he leaves a message likewise myself and if we don’t talk in the morning via phone calls then night one is a must. So poster if you believe his not communicating well like you said and he doesn’t see anything wrong in it then please move on cos me sef I won’t stay.
ReplyDeletePoster what he's doing is a red flag, don't let anyone talk you into thinking it's okay. Don't listen to hose saying you should call him if he doesn't call either. Allow that man to woo you, if he's not ready to do things properly, please keep off him. Don't let anyman turn you into someone who chases after men.
ReplyDeleteCommunication is good in every relationship,at least once a day, except you work where network is an issue.. If you are not comfortable with his communication style, please opt out now
ReplyDeleteNo communication belief me you are dating yourself.
ReplyDeletePoster Move on! I know you may love him but his attention is somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was dating my babe, I was in constant communication with her, I always do the calling, if he doesn't call hmmmm he might not be into you like that. But just hold on and give him small time, if he continues like that just know he is not into you
ReplyDeleteWhen you are busy you will not be looking for communication, madam keep yourself busy and you see him searching for you
ReplyDeleteI am as busy as any busy body you can think of
DeleteAbeg Stella u lie on this one ooo... communication in a relationship should be at least 3 times a day.
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteHe's not into you for now. It's supposed to be so hot in the beginning. This is a bad sign. My advice is don't put all your eggs into one basket and also give him the same energy. If the relationship wants to break, let it break
ReplyDelete