PASTOR INTERFERENCE
A guy that constantly listens to his pastor and do as his pastor said is this not a red flag? Asking cos my guy cannot take decisions on his own except his pastor make a input.
I spoke to him about looking for better jobs, submitting his cvs and also giving me his cv so that I can help him apply for job but this guy refused. Till this month when his pastor asked him to go search for jobs, do business to earn more money before talking about marriage. What we should have done last year is what we are to start this year, we already lost the slot and opportunity from my side.
Secondly, I told him to get a small place and start saying alone so that he can know if he is responsible and can take care of all bills. He is sharing apartment with his elder brother who each time he knows I am around will not give us space, when his girlfriend is around my guy will excuse them but whenever I come around this guy will want to be inside the bedroom while I am undressing. I have stopped visiting cos of this attitude.
Right now my guy is hunting for an apartment cos his pastor asked hmi to get one let him pray for him. Does it mean even if we get married his pastor or other people will have influence over his life on things to do and not to do.
Should I continue this relationship cos my fear is that he will listen to his pastor, what if his pastor told him not to sleep or touch me when we are married and he listens to him? He didn’t take us serious till towards end of last year when his pastor told him to get committed with me cos I am clean. I know all these cos he tells me unknowingly when we are gisting. I love him but this attitude is not helping me at all.
I have confronted him on that but he kept on saying he is not taking instructions from his pastor. He is a nice guy, smart , intelligent and lovse God but this habit is my major concern. If his pastor doesn’t say do this he will not put his mind, attention or time into it. One day his pastor will tell him when to get me pregnant or not.
Please do not marry this am for any reason at all.......End the relationship as soon as possible cos this marriagewill not work and it is the Pastor that will be in control..This Marriage will not work!!!
With all the atrocities all these men of God are committing, anyone that can't take decisions on his own without the interference of those people is a big red flag
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
I don’t understand, it’s the man that takes his issues to the pastor not the other way round. Why are you blaming the pastor? Why can’t you face the person who should take responsibility? Everyone is quick to blame pastors. If he was going to see a paid therapist, would you say he should not listen to the advice when he was the one who took his issues and even paid to have the therapist listen to him and advice him. The pastor is not controlling anything… it is your man that goes about looking for answers to everything
DeleteWalk away,so not marry him.
DeleteThis will be called Pastor's marriage
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Poster it will get worse in marriage. Until something happens, usually something very bad to open your man's eyes, there is little you can do. If you decide to go ahead don't later say had I known.
DeleteAunty, abeg eh, dust your shoes and run. When I say run, I mean RUN!!!!!
DeleteThat pastor will be the man in the marriage and your husband, his wife. You will be an onlooker.
I have been in a bind with a pastor before and I was lucky to have gotten out of it and now, I don't do anything or relate anything to any of them. Even when I had a fee guys asking me for marriage, one of them said to give her their names so she'll tell me which was best and I told her no.
My mum is stil in it and my parent's marriage almost hit the rocks because the fake pastor's word was final in our home. It was when the man was exposed as a fraud she opened up to my siblings that the man would have slept with her if she gave him the opportunity. She don meet another one now and he's manipulating her again.
My dear, you will see fire if you go ahead.
My question is why are you undressing at your boyfriend's place? I don't believe having his own apartment will give him some sense of responsibility, if he cannot easy afford it, let him stay back. You can always hangout, why do you like close door meetings?
ReplyDeleteBack to your question, it's a big red flag, people that take instruction from their pastors are not living their own life, you must always be at his pastor's good book to be at peace with him and your home will be a projection of the pastor family.
Felicity
She already stated that she no longer visits, so what’s your own? Person no fit change dress again….aaaah.
DeleteSo where should she undress??
DeleteFelicity it is people like you that a sane person needs around them, I like the question you asked her, why does she undress in her boyfriend's apartment, she is mad at the guy's elder brother for not giving them space now angry again at the pastor but praised the guy to high heavens. You better dress up and look well else you will e controlled by wizards disguised as pastor and while you're at it, hope you're not giving him illegal sex? You need to work on your attitude and have it mind that other issues can arise in marriage that has nothing to do with third party.
DeletePoster, thank God you saw this early and spoke out.
ReplyDeletePlease drop him and don't look back. Let pastor find him a wife and control both husband and wife.
He could be anything but smart. If he was, his pastor won't be dictating his life.
DeleteAnother thing poster, don't ever thing he will change once you guys marry. He won't/will not change. Forget this your so called love for him. Love is not enough in a marriage. You will feel frustrated to the point of depression and then, it's late because you guys are already married.
Oyibo people say make hay while the sun shines abi how they take talk am self..it is better for you to decide now then to come and write another Chronicle again..a word is enough for the wise..
ReplyDeleteI think I remember you. Were you the one who spoke about your boyfriend living with his elder brother and sharing a room? I think you complained about privacy. Anyways, you should break up with him because that is a huge red flag.
ReplyDeleteI have broken up with someone because of an issue like this in the past.
Imagine, I advised you, you refused to listen. Only for your head chorister to give you the same advice and you now listened. The same advice I gave you that you refused to follow. Very irritating behaviour. In my mind, I was like, if I marry this one all our private matters would be taken outside for deliberation so I just bounced.
Break up with him.
So you cannot give him a bit of advice as his supposed better half. It is such a pity you are not seeing the big issue here. A man you cannot advise and give suggestions is the one you want to marry?
He even lacks zeal and self-motivation.
He is probably a people pleaser as well, who cares about outsiders' perception and opinion of him more than you, the lady he is planning to marry.
Words on Marble.
Poster, you siad your boyfriend is smart and intelligent. Pls define smart and intelligent?
ReplyDeleteHehehehe hehe hehehe
Delete1. This situationship/marriage is DEAD ON ARRIVAL
ReplyDelete2. I do not see anything smart about a guy who only takes instructions from his pastor.
3. You should also be VERY WORRIED about an "intended brother-in-law" always wanting to be in the room when you are undressing or whatever. That is one hell of a danger signal.
4. Please and please for the sake of your sanity, peace, marriage, unborn kids, etc, ABORT MISSION!
I repeat, ABORT MISSION.
And yes, I am shouting oh!
You are still in a friendship stage, from what you described up there the guy I doubt if he is ready to settle down .
ReplyDeleteBe doing your thing, while you allow him . Don't put pressure on him.
According to you, " He doesn't have a sustainable job, he 'squat ' with a friend ".
As you have suggested for him to look for a better job, give him space to fix himself.
As for him and his pastor , you don't know the relationship between the two.
If you know that you don't have that time or enough patience , just maintain the friendship while watching to see or know his moves.
Watching to see or know his moves while wasting her time abi? Poster please continue moving you've not gotten to your bus stop yet.
DeleteShe clearly said he lives with his elder brother. Mtchewwww
DeleteHmmmmmm i wished i open up like this and got this advise. My sis run please if you can.
ReplyDeleteYou are still in a friendship stage, from what you described up there the guy I doubt if he is ready to settle down .
ReplyDeleteBe doing your thing, while you allow him . Don't put pressure on him.
According to you, " He doesn't have a sustainable job, he 'squat ' with a friend ".
As you have suggested for him to look for a better job, give him space to fix himself.
As for him and his pastor , you don't know the relationship between the two.
If you know that you don't have that time or enough patience , just maintain the friendship while watching to see or know his moves.
It seems as though he was raised in some strange fashion, because such behaviour is not normal for a man, even for those committed to living an upstanding life or who are religious.
ReplyDeleteIf you still have the mind to continue the relationship then you will have to speak with the pastor openly in his presence. Since the pastor is the only one he listens to then the pastor has to be the one to break whatever bond is there. Seems like the pastor has enabled this negative behaviour instead of encouraging him to stand on his own two feet. Your fears are valid that he may lack the capacity to function and run a household. How will he handle an emergency, periods of heightened stress, what if the pastor dies? From your write up he is still behaving like a child waiting for guidance from an authority figure. His behaviour also causes him to lose masculinity point and makes him less sexually attractive. You would lose respect for him overtime and a lack of respect for a spouse is worst than death in a marriage
This trait in your man sounds exhausting and annoying af. If you are a go getter type of person you would not be able to live in harmony with someone like this. Really sit and reflect on this relationship and ask yourself the tough questions. If you want to fight for it then armour yourself, because bad habits take time to change and if the change feels forced upon him in his mind it will even be a harder battle. The choice is yours and how much you can or are willing to handle in the name of love.
He just needs small resetting. On the brighter side, isn't it good there's someone in his life he listens to. Times might come when that his pastor will be the only one to talk sense into him in your favour. Something more like a blessing in disguise.
ReplyDeleteAtleast he's willing to get a job and an apartment now. I think, you should give him another chance if you truly love him
It won't be a good thing, eventually. He can be easily manipulated if the pastor has an ulterior motive.
DeleteIf it was a family member, it is quite understandable but the pastor may one day put his own interest at the forefront of the truth sooner or later. Besides the issues, he goes to the pastor for, are issues his common sense should tell him. eg submitting your CV and getting a job.
He is such a drag.
Words on Marble.
Run 🏃💨🏃💨🏃💨🏃💨🏃💨🏃💨🏃💨
ReplyDeleteRun ooooooooooo . This is a massive red flag so please break up with that guy and move on.
ReplyDeletePoster, this guy is not ready yet neither has he proposed and you are writing chronicle. Give the relationship time, as time will tell if it will progress or not. Don't expect marriage from this guy. It get why.
ReplyDeleteLol... my dear your guy needs the viel to be removed from his eyes else he would not know when God is really speaking and when He is not. Sometimes pastors put thier own fleshy advise to it. For example Prophet Nathan told King David to go and build a house for the Lord when God did not say so, thank God prophet Nathan was wise enough to correct his fleshly advise when God told him that its king David's seed that will build the temple for Him not David himself. Long story short you need to make him know that relying on what pastor says can cause problems for you both in future especially when unable marry.
ReplyDeleteWetin you dey undress in lover of God house for?
ReplyDeleteWhy dis lover of God no fit dey ask him God kweshions about him life
Na who Abraham and David ask kweshions about weda to pursue or move forward?
And on your question, you know the answer.
It is on the wall, clearer than the words written on the wall for the Babylonian King.
By the way, it is not said here the man is not good for you.
Just to ask: Can you cope for 7 years with what you have already seen?
Why 7 years? That is about the first gear or phase period of most marriages.
And because in 7 years time you would have developed one or several bypass(es). One, would be that you would do things without consulting him. Hopefully, he in turn would not call you un-submissive wife then.
His pastor has a very huge influence on him. He may be seeing it as seeking the face of God concerning serious life issues, in order not to make a mistake, through his pastor.
ReplyDeleteJust like when kings consult with their prophets before talking major steps but your guy's own case, he may be over doing it.
Are you close to this pastor? Do u rapport with him? If yes, talk to him and state your concerns to know what he feels about it. If he is an understanding man, he should know what you are saying and what you mean. Give it some time and watch how things pans out.
If things remain the same, and you cannot cope with it, it'll be better for you to take a walk because, you'll be more frustrated when you marry him.
Goodluck.
Na so one of my friend sef go dey tell me of one babe he was dating then that he has shown the babe to his pastor and that after his pastor took months to pray and get back to him, he gave him a go ahead..
DeleteTo cut the long story short, Baba got married to another babe😂😂
Egungun be careful na express you dey o. The devil will dance shaku shaku on your case if you don't resolve this issue o, I used to attend a white garment church much younger and we relied of the whatever the prophet said, My older sister that I followed messed up her life up until she died few years ago. Very brilliant woman refused to go to university after her A levels, left her bank job because she told to start doing business, failed at selling bags rice and beans, She started sewing clothes for men against prophet's directive This as selling very well almost to the level Labanella then (in 80s/90s) but was told to leave. for something else. "I must listen to the prophet" was following her until she died in her 60s. Don't get me wrong. This is still happening in churches white garment or not. Pastors are mere mortals like us and can be wrong, Please don't only pray but watch, God also gives us common sense to see red flags. The decision is yours. It shall be well with you.
ReplyDeleteFor someone so attuned to his pastor, I find it quite amusing that he has his woman sleep over. Na inside bathroom una dey collect?
ReplyDeleteLove... Hmmmm... Sister what this love portends for you in the future with this boy are you sure it is a price you can pay and willing to keep paying? There will always be someone that people like this allow their opinion have pre-eminence in their lives. Today it is the pastor, tommorow someone else. It will never be you. Are you sure that's what you want?
What business does a squatter have with dating? Men should learn to put priorities in order. OP that young man doesn't need you neither do you need him. What you people have isn't anything that can be called a relationship yet. A man that hasn't found himself has no business dating anyone!
Your man has a lot of growing up to do. His mental and emotional maturity needs to be worked on. That's a journey only he can embark on by himself. Whatever you do though, do not become collateral damage in the end.
What if na him pastor give am go ahead to back😁..
DeleteJokes apart, I know a guy like that from back in school, him cele prophet must give him go ahead before he does anything..
Asin sometimes he'll stay celibate for awhile as per spiritual father's order,. Whenever he meets any new babe, he'll send her name to his alagba for update..
To be fair on him tho, he does this for everything, not just babe matter..
Me sha I just feel say the pastor just wan dey diplomatic. He is probably also embarrassed for the young man. The pastor may just be trying to help the young man see things that are obvious but the young man just appears incapable of seeing.
DeleteThis chronicle is all shades of red flag
ReplyDeleteYou never see boyfriend talk more of fiance, run o, runnnn!!!
Gifty
All these encomium on a guy that is jobless, does not have his own house, does not have mind of his own, broke and lazy guy and you’re still praising him, if he has all the qualities you listed, why is he listening to his pastor, jobless and doesn’t have his own house at his age??? And you’re thinking of even marrying this guy. I pity you. I see you don’t like yourself. Continue…. you have seen the red flags already. Give yourself brain. Unless you want to be his mother for life.
ReplyDeleteOne question please....
ReplyDeleteDid the pastor also tell him to bring you to his brother's house and start getting undressed while his brother is in the same bedroom?
Both of you should just dodge your mutual bullets.
Sister please move on.he is a good guy and cool but the truth is you not for him and I see you can't be submissive so the wise thing to do is move on.you will save yourself and also save him from marrying you because you are wrong dor him.
ReplyDeleteThags how it should be.you not just the right person for him so I advise you you move on.Nothing I'd wrong with thr guy.it is just a phase of life the only thing wrong is that you are the wrong lady for him.most peoppw make this mistake.wish you good luck and in your next relationship make sure the guy you in love with , that you are the right lady for that guy.if not you be jumping from relationship to relationship.
Op, you still call this ur guy smart and intelligent? Well may be the words mean something else in ur dictionary. Even things that wud clearly benefit him, he is waiting for another man like him to tell him to do it, yet according to u, he is smart.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, u answered urself in ur last paragraph, i wonder why u wrote this chronicle asking us again. Someone u shud hav dumped since like yesterday, u r still calling him ‘my guy’
NB: ee go shock u say na the brother house be dat, n he pays all the bills, that is why ur guy doesn’t have a say in anything, including ur visits.
Lol..
ReplyDeleteShebi Una sef Don see as the thing dey be..
I can't imagine having anything serious with a babe like this too..
God forbids
At least he listens to someone, some dont even listen...........
ReplyDeleteIf not for the pastor he won't have considered looking for a job or getting apartment, if he is good and fears God , he is 80% qualified.
Haba! This is wrong.he should be able to make decisions on his own.its seems this guy isn't ready for the challenges ahead cos marriage comes with a lot of storms and one must be ready to overcome these challenges mentally, physically and spiritually.
ReplyDeletePls do not get married to him.
Please do not continue with this relationship. He obviously doesn't have a mind of his own which is terrible
ReplyDeleteBig red flag 🚩
ReplyDeleteCheck well madam poster that is praising your boyfriend, your so called nice, smart and intelligent guy that his pastor is controlling could be gay. So your boyfriend and his pastor could be gay partners and you’re their tool to cover up their act. If you like don’t run for your life, stay there with to add to the nonsense a jobless, lazy and broke guy.
ReplyDeleteI thought of this angle too. What is the world turning to, God!
DeleteSister this is what we call situationship. So for him to do something with his life pastor must approve. Thats why the bible says that my children perish because they lack knowledge. Its too early for you to be passing through this stress. Focus on yourself move on.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm my dear you need to forget about him because you know that the relationship is not gonna work, so move on with your life
ReplyDeleteBetter guys are still out there.
No go put head for wetin you no go finish
What you cannot tolerate when you're dating, end the relationship. It only gets worse during marriage.
ReplyDeleteSo for the consequences of a man who cannot make his decisions himself its sleeping with you and touching that is your problem o???
ReplyDeleteThe only smart , intelligent person in this relationship is You, you can motivate and advice a man to do better ,but where he is not making an inch to Hussle harder as a man is where the problem is.
ReplyDeleteSdk psychologist will group him where his attitude spectrum lies imagine going to a pastor for every opinion,
Poster no put head o
I also think he knows the man better than he knows you so he takes his advice
ReplyDeleteSo far the pastor hasn’t told him anything bad
Hmm I don't even know exactly what to say.
ReplyDeleteBut it doesn't look safe..
You too pray about it
Poster stop “telling” your man What to do
ReplyDeleteMake suggestions don’t tell