Hmmmm..
COMPLAINING HUSBAND
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Dear Stella and bvs, I need help. My husband complains about everything, I mean everything most especially my food. If I haven't been cooking for my family or friends before I got married, I will say I am a terrible cook. He says my stew always has one particular taste which I know is not true. Sometimes I cook with just pepper, sometimes pepper and tomatoes, other times pepper, bawa, tomatoes and Bell peppers.
I know these are the constituents that gives soups different tastes and then the seasonings. He says my stews have just a particular taste, my spaghetti and jollof rice has a particular taste too and so he barely eats. He says my egusi is always too thick, my yam too hard, my porridge lacks ingredients and many more. Honestly ehn, I understand that one's cooking won't always come out as dope as expected but I can't be this Terrible na.
His friends have eaten my food and compliment it. But this man will always complain! He said when he was a bachelor, his stews always tasted differently. Oya tell me the secret or the recipe you use or show.me how.to do it as you want it in the kitchen, he refused. I have watched some cooking videos, I follow and download cooking videos too. Still complaint upon complaint.
Wives, please give me tips on how to improve. I am tired!
NA WAH O!!!!:..... Since he can cook, let him make his own food nah....or he also sees that as an abomination? I cannot give you tips because i no too sabi cook Nigerian food......Dont let this matter give you sleepless nights please, let him cook while you watch and help out!!
Sis you are not the problem, zero your mind about pleasing him
ReplyDeleteThere is no problem here at all. Let him take over the cooking aspect while you help him out Shikenan, after all marriage is partnership.
DeleteYour husband is complaining about your cooking, instead of you to seat him down and discuss how he want his food to be prepared, you brought it to people that are already angry at the mention of the word husband...
DeleteYour husband is a petty impossible to please ,superior feeling bully, he enjoys putting you on the defence , he is not a kind man
DeleteUno reverse, go and learn it then have peace
Permanently remove the power from his hand
Your husband is a petty impossible to please ,superior feeling bully, he enjoys putting you on the defence , he is not a kind man
DeleteUno reverse, go and learn it then have peace
Permanently remove the power from his hand
Anon 17.50 you just cracked me up
DeleteThe most complex B
Stop cooking at least for a week.
ReplyDeleteIt's either he shows you his method of you don't resume the cooking 😞
Nigerian men and their wahala… I just tire!
ReplyDeleteMadam don’t let it bother you Abeg..
How did Nigerian men enter this?
DeleteIf an ashewo babe post chronicle and we start shouting.....Nigerian women...you will accuse us of misogyny.
The same Nigerian men you castigate are the same ones your folks ask ask for urgent 2k and beg to fund your lifestyle.
Don't kill or bother yourself over nothing, your husband knows what he's doing.
ReplyDeleteYour husband does not like you, period. He has focused so much on your negative sides that he cannot see any other positive aspect to you. Who complains about stew, soup, yam, rice, everything without offering to teach our step in?!!? When my husband complained about my beans and plantain porridge, he was even the one whe said he was going to cook it let me learn. He did it and I picked some things even though his consistency was not my desired consistency.
ReplyDeleteSo you see? Do not bother yourself. Anytime he complains, give him a apeck, laugh and tell him "big daddy, your baby girl is loyal oh. come and teach me your method or you are bound to eat this one for life". Dont even argue. Men do this thing where they get angry or irritated with their spouse and they start complaining about everything. Rubbish. Anytime my husband enters that speac, I give him space. I am loved at home, Jesus loves me too. No man can mess with my mind.
Mma Cee
Emotionally immature men bully their wives
DeleteOh boy! What you have said is gospel truth! I have experienced this with mine where he was complaining about every minute thing, whether it made sense or not. I was giving him space but that seemed not to be enough for him until I went completely ballistic on him one day,.. he was afraid and thought I had postpartum psychosis cos I was two weeks postpartum at the time. Me sef I thought I had gone mad, but the truth is that I had just had enough. Since then and for now, everyone is respecting themselves and I have peace. I hope his new attitude lasts even though I'm not completely optimistic that it will.
DeleteYour last two lines knocked me out completely
DeleteThe most complex B
Sorry to hear about the complaints from your hubby, it can be very distressing when your efforts doesn't seem to be appreciated. No woman will be comfortable when they receive negative comments about her cooking, it is like being told that you don't know your "job", especially when he's not the first person to eat your food.
DeleteWell many things could be contributing, for instance when some men are unhappy they become nags...some when they're dissatisfied with sex, they grumble about food...some they're worried you will ask for money/attention, they want to form quarrel...
Solution: soften him, when the mood is good, find out if there's any concerns (a soft answer turns away wrath).
Next, when you are cooking and he is around, involve him in the cooking by teasingly ask him if the pepper comes before the seasoning, can he help you add salt- that you can't taste the food because of cattarh-he should help taste it if okay, bla bla bla, jokingly ask how he used to make his stew in those days (some people are fixated on how their food should taste--pay attention when he starts talking).
If he's not home, make 2 small dishes-one thick, the other light...then ask him which taste better.
A wise woman builds her home, a foolish woman tears hers down with words.
In all this thing, tell the holy spirit to help you in your home, to reveal the hidden things.
Resist the urge to be defensive, instead explain that you really want to please him and you need to know how best to do it
Be sure that he doesn't have COVID sha(some people can't smell or taste for some weeks after COVID),
Nobody is allowed to give you a bad name because of food. Noone should act like an enemy or allow himself/herself to spoil your reputation because of simple things like this pray against it and take steps.
PCX
Hmmm I can feel your fustration, maybe you should change your spices. If he can't eat the food then he truly is not enjoying it. He can also cook sometimes while you watch. Sometimes order food if he's not around and serve it as yours then watch if he will still complain.
ReplyDeletePoster, Take this advice ☝️ and try changing your seasoning cube too. Try using only Knorr chicken and curry/thyme for your stew. Your taste buds are different, how you cook maybe not be how he likes it. Do something different and see if he'll like it.
DeleteAlso try boiling your tomatoes and tatashe before blending and frying and see if it makes a difference.
How long have you been married?
ReplyDeleteEncourage him to come and put his top notch cooking skills in the kitchen to work and cook up a storm for his family so that you can learn from him, the best chef in the world.
ReplyDeleteNarccissist trait. I hate it
Gbam. He will end up killing her self esteem. Brace up woman, you’re in this shitty marriage that’ll kill your self confidence patapata. I’ve reached a stage of not caring for these naija men anymore. Focus on your happiness poster and do what you can do. Women biko do better and raise your boys better!!! Their self entitlement is too much!!!
DeleteVery narcissistic trait
DeleteVery narcissistic trait
DeletePoster,please take a deep breath,your husband is not a nice man. Don't allow him to kill your self esteem. You're not his chef but his wife,If he can't manage your efforts,let him employ a chef. Couples are supposed to help each others not to criticise each others.
ReplyDeletePlease don't let him put down, if he doesn't like your cooking let him prepare his own meals
ReplyDeleteYou clearly married a nag! If he is such a fantastic cook, ask him to show you. My Dad taught my mum how to fry stew. Showing you how he likes food cooked, shouldn't be such a big deal.
ReplyDeleteShebi with all his complaint he still eats the food? If yea then kindly ignore him since he will still not let you in on how he made his own badass stew while in school. Some people just waka go marry rubbish .
ReplyDeleteCan he cook?
ReplyDeleteAre you two from the same tribe? Different tribes have different cooking methods so tastes might be different e.g I can't eat any soup without ogidi because to me it doesn't taste nice.
If he cooks tell him to cook one day so you can taste his delicacy. If he has siblings, visit them and have them visit too so you guys can exchange recipes
If all fails then he is a sadist who knows that you cook really well but will never tell you as a form of control so you can continually yearn for his praises.
Or he has a medical condition that prevents him from tasting food or maybe he just likes his meals plain and simple because he grew up eating management foods like palm oil rice, ogiri oil soup etc. Not that it isn't nice but it's just what he's used to. Rich food is too complex for him to taste
Make oga save us the stress and enter kitchen. Men sef side chic don cook am
ReplyDeleteListen to him attentively each time he complains and when making the meal next time, you make his wish come through.
ReplyDeleteFor example, if he says your egusi soup is too thick, make your next egusi soup to be watery. If he complains about the watery egusi, remind him that he complained about the last egusi being too thick, and that is why you made this one less thick. If he complains about too much pepper, next meal put very little pepper, and if he complains you tell him it's because he complained of too much pepper last time that you reduced the pepper.
Just keep doing this, with time before voicing out his complaints, he will weigh the consequences very well. He will start complaining less as a result.
Poster...this your husband is a complainer emeritus. What is the colour of his problem really? He doesn't like anything you cook and he still won't show you how to prepare his meals to his own taste? Or is he eating another woman's food somewhere and just looking for an excuse to cover up his not eating at home? Some Men are very crafty. As the good wife that you are,I know it worries you greatly that he doesn't like your food. If not I would have said just ignore him. But every woman wants her man to eat her food and be okay,if not particularly wowed.
ReplyDeleteSo I would suggest you keep trying. If he says your yam is too hard (I hate hard yams too),cook it very soft. Egusi too thick? Make it very watery. As for stew, cook it the way almost everyone does...with tomatoes,shombo,atarodo and lots of onions. Boil the blended tomatoes first and then fry it with groundnut oil(long journey but it may make the difference). If nothing else works,please report him to his mother. Perhaps she can give you some tips.
Madam calm down, there's nothing wrong with your cooking. He has already stepped out of the marriage. Go on your knees and talk to God.
ReplyDeleteTo be sure I would buy food from outside and pretend I cooked it. If he says it has same taste, I’ll start to suspect he’s just talking down my cooking to hurt my feelings
ReplyDeleteThis is a good strategy. I like it.
DeleteExactly the advice I have in mind
DeleteYour husband eats outside. He's just giving these excuses so you don't suspect. Does he stay home weekends? Does he complain about your food? If he doesn't complain weekends when he's with you know that he's trying to cover up.
DeleteMy dear lock up. If he continues stop cooking. If he ask you why tell him since he always complains you've left it to him to do the needful. Its during our mother's time you beg a man to eat. If he no want make he drink garri. Goodluck.
Poster check this too buy from outside like two different foods watch him and see if he will complain ,if he does that means no matter what you do he ll always complain
DeleteThis man nor get evil plan so,if he sabi cook make him enter kitchen na,na real wa for wa............. Josaria
ReplyDeletePoster your husband is a difficult person.
ReplyDeleteHe's finding fault where there is non.
Abeg ignore him
This man is tired of you but don’t know how to tell you das all please brace yourself he might get worse or stop returning home till you get frustrated and leave so he can shift blame
ReplyDeleteAll this his complaints are just mere facades and excuses to cover a bigger issue. It's either your husband is cheating on you, is tired of you and simply wants out, but is too cowardly to tell you to your face and so all this baseless complaints to frustrate you, and drain you to eventually leave the marriage.
ReplyDeleteFor a man who can cook, cooking shouldn't be a constant issue between you as he could have simply done the cooking or worse case scenario, eat out. When he starts all this his bickerings about your cooking once again, challenge him to tell you what the problem really is.
Poster you know one thing about the likes of your husband. They only know how to complain: tell him to cook that stew; you will see the tomatoes, oil and water in pot looking like Isreal, Hamas and Palestine.
ReplyDeleteThere is an underlying factor that your husband is not open about and hiding under the guise of complaints. However I believe you have a sit down with him to discuss.
Also take it as a challenge to watch some videos on YouTube,IG or cooking shows to learn more about other methods to cook dishes you are familiar with. I can imagine how you feel with the constant compliaints and they are valid. However look at the brighter side.
All the best
Na wa ooooooo
ReplyDeleteWhere una dey see dis kind of husband.
Be wary of people who try to make you feel as if you have a problem when you don't.
ReplyDeleteNa your husband sabi, if I were you I will buy from restaurant and see if he will still complain, if he still complain, that means he's a nag, there's nothing you can do about that, just ignore him or stop cooking for him.
ReplyDeleteBuy food from a renowned place or person without him knowing. If he still complains, you're not the problem then
ReplyDeleteMy dear , that's his nature. Cook your best, serve him and zero your mind from his complaints.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got married 6 years ago, there were so many things I couldn't cook. The ones I could cook, my husband didn't like them as much. He started spending time in the kitchen with me, teaching me things he likes. Then I started watching YouTube videos.l, especially flo chineyre's videos. Very detailed. Now, I can open restaurant sef. Let your husband teach you. It doesn't take anything from him
ReplyDeleteUp your cooking game
ReplyDeleteAnon 17:50 u wan keel me with laugh.
ReplyDeleteOrder food and serve him
ReplyDeleteHehn, some wives still cook?
ReplyDelete