Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Please how do you manage a relationship with a girlfriend that complains about anything in sight? Be it with work and about her workplace, of her place of residence, about her friends, about her life, about her neighbours, about some members of her family, about the economy, about life not being this or that, and virtually about everything.
I stopped allowing her come to my place, when this spirit of complaining came in with her just after coming twice. Because she was beginning to complain about everything too, about my compound, my apartment and arrangements, and my neighbours. Not that her place is better in anyway than mine. But there's this issue of complaining when it has to do with her.
There's no day without one issue to complain about, so I stopped taking her call nor replying to most her of messages. They must bear one complaint or the other.
We have talked about this problem severally but she does not think she has a mental issue. Suggested therapy, she got angry. Called off the relationship, she was blackmailing me that I used and dumped her. I am just tired, as it is I want everything to end with this year. Because I have become unwell with this relationship.
Manage this kind of relationship?You fell out of love with her because of this behaviour!
Good you're ending it with her for your mental health
ReplyDeleteI hate negative vibes around me. Sustained the break up and protect your energy pls.
ReplyDeleteThis is a toxic relationship, she not knowing about her problem, is a big problem.. but Keep encouraging her. Help her, not because of relationship but because she need help, talk to somebody she respect a lot, to assist her in identifying her problem, if you really love her and that is the only problem she has, help her ..be patience with her….maybe that is the way she grow up…
DeleteKudos for calling off that toxic relationship. Imagine the hell you’ll be if you marry her, she will drain you emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually. You can never have peace with her. Don’t go breed children with her that will give others headache. Let’s be each other’s keepers biko.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have a GF. She's a Grinch, forget her abeg. Let her carry her problems to another man.
ReplyDeleteThe other man could be your brother, cousin or even your uncle.
DeleteLet her know the reason and never looked back
DeleteNot accepting that she has a problem is a problem, she is a very bitter person who doesn't see good in anything around her, maybe end the relationship with her and make her know her attitude is draining you, maybe just maybe she'll start making conscious effort to change.
ReplyDeleteIt's a very big problem but she is not seeing it, and won't agree even when pointed out. So for your mental health choose what is best for you
ReplyDeleteI can't deal with people that complain, A LOT.
ReplyDeleteSame here. The way I run away from complainers ehn
DeleteExactly, always whining not looking for way forward.
DeleteIt annoys me eh.
DeleteSame here, always dishing negative vibes...
DeleteVery annoying
DeleteThe lack of decorum and toxicity among young ladies,these days is very worrisome. 🙄🙄🙄. Poster end the relationship and tell her,you're not free around her.
ReplyDeleteFrom your writeup, the relationship screams all shade of toxicity. You have made up your mind , just let the relationship go in peace. Don't go into any relationship with the mindset that your partner will change or out of pity. I wish and pray for your missing rib.
ReplyDeleteMr. Boyfriend. Call time.
ReplyDeleteYou don hear of "you go explain taya"? Na dat road you wan enta if you marry dis woman.
Dear Poster, It is not a mental case. All I see is a girlfriend whose dominant temperament is melancholy. They are complainers, their strong urge for perfection always gets in the way of everything. It is who they are, but they must learn to strike a balance between reality, fault finding and trying to see perfection in the world. This weakness of theirs if not put in check will continue to ruin their relationships with people.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, Poster, did you not notice this attitude before entering into the relationship, now she feels used and dumped. It is well with you both o.
If you asked, how come he did not notice before he got into marriage with her, I would have understood. Even though I think such a question isn't totally proper because a lot of people pretend till they get married but it is still understandable that people wonder at times.
Deletebut asking him, if he did not notice she was that way before he got into a relationship with her, is over-reaching IMO. You can't really know what a person is like until you get into a relationship with them if you weren't friends to begin with or you were friends for a short period of time.
Besides even if he noticed, he might not suspect it was that much of a big issue at first until later when he had gotten well familiar with her and she let her guards down around him.
People are allowed to break up whenever they notice the person they are with isn't right for them. As long as they do it with a clear conscience with justifiable reasons.
Words on Marble.
Bethel,, after marriage we ask if he saw it during relationship, now during relationship u r asking if he saw it before the relationship?? Pray tell, pls tell me how someone sees some characters before they start a relationship withth someone. Like u r on ur own, they are on their own, how do u know their character if you dnt start something with them? Pls i would like to be educated.
Delete16:14, So you just see someone and you just 'start something with them''? How daft can one be? No wonder the light on a matchstick lasts longer than most relationships.
DeleteYou don't study your intending partners BEFORE relationships in different scenarios? I said relationship NOT marriage. You don't hang out? Invite them for events, discuss extensively several differing view points to gauge their level of reasoning? Share links on articles, videos, podcasts etc? Suggest collaborative projects that even involve money?
It's because most of you are looking for where to fcuk and go, otherwise if you are thinking long term, you would think like someone with a plan for the future. Genitalia scratchitalia.
Not set awon, see on Monday morning, dating by afternoon, nragbu evening as per 'relationship'.
She has alot going on in your mind. Professional counselling to the rescue. Encourage her to see a phycologist
ReplyDeleteGood riddance to bad rubbish! Your mental health is the koko snd never ever let her blackmail get @ u. Keep Coasting away bro!
ReplyDeleteLol😂 is it me? This Chronicle sounds so funny. Just thank your stars it's just a relationship please end it. And don't fall for any cheap blackmail.
ReplyDeleteShe is probably a pessimist.
ReplyDeleteYou are meant to be her boyfriend not her sounding board or a dumpster where she dumps all her negative perceptions and whinings.
You did the right thing by ending it. At least, you were kind enough to
offer proactive solutions rather than just avoiding her.
That was love, right there!
You can never help someone who does not even think they need any help in the first place. It is just a matter of time, she starts to pick you apart when you are not around. If she complains about everything then you are not safe either. She is an energy drainer. She will complain about your relatives and friends soon.
Don't let her guilt-trip you. All relationships must not lead to marriage. If you feel someone isn't right for you, a break-up is allowed. You must not allowed yourself to be tied down by them with guilt.
She dampens your mood and makes you mentally exhausted and on top of it, she does not take correction or listen to an advice.
I am sure she gives you anxiety whenever she says she is coming over because you know you have entered, and you feel empty and wasted when she is gone.
Words on Marble.
This kind of problem typically stems from how she was raised. She likely was raised in a household where one or both of her parents complained constantly. You can tell her that her constant complaining affects your ability to enjoy her company and you prefer to be alone than listening to all the negativity constantly. If she cannot change then move on with your life. At least you would have helped her by letting her become aware that she is participating in negative practices, maybe you are the first person who has ever told her this, so it is an opportunity for her to get help. Unfortunately, many children take on the toxic traits of their parents and unknowingly perpetuate these toxic behaviours in their own lives. A complaining person is no joy to be around,, they really do suck the joy right out of you because you are treated as a sounding board to listen to everything coming out of them and not of it makes you feel good or is good to hear.
ReplyDeleteBad traits
DeleteYou are spot on! This was me many many years ago. The sad thing is I didn't recognise it. It comes from a weird upbringing where I was abused and criticised for the smallest thing and even got beaten if I laughed or was generally happy. I would curse people for the smallest things and curse myself more for the slightest imperfections and needless to say my self esteem was so low. And carrying around that spirit did not make me see the blessings in my life for a long time. The lady needs to recognise she has a serious problem. Losing the poster may prove to be a wake up call. Then she needs to work on herself. She needs to devour positive affirmations daily as if they are food. I prayed the prayer of Isaiah 6:6-8 regularly. I also vowed to stop cursing. It took my loved ones 6 months to notice the change. Several years later I'm still working on myself but being positive is now second nature. It is well.
DeleteAnon 16:53, thank you for sharing your story. So often we are afraid of sharing our flaws and past mistakes we do not want to be judge, but I feel it in my bones that you will help someone by what you shared above. We all have flaws and anyone who recognizes their lack and works to improve themselves deserves every praise. May you continue to be fully attuned to your mind, body and spirit as you move through life. You made me so joyful reading your words.
DeleteThank you so much Anon 1521 and Anon 1844 and Stella for allowing me to hold space. There is so much I can share but practising gratitude is a big part of change. How can anyone do better if they don't know better? Being born and raised in a toxic environment coupled with certain natural personality traits and a lack of self awareness can be a deadly combination on a human spirit. It is so easy to condemn negative people but it is better to offer them feedback and help before walking away. Knowing that I could have an impact on the mood of a room was huge for me. Knowing my presence could give joy to someone instead of making them feel bad made something switch in my head. I am now a counsellor and it gives me joy to see many I counsel feeling better about themselves and their situations. I pray this young lady and many like her find true healing and become healers. I commend the poster for his patience and he is right to walk away. He has to because you are a sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with. If he could send her this link he would be doing her a great service. He may even be saving her sanity.
DeleteIt could be a mental health issues,
ReplyDeleteI know we women complain alot but not up to this nah, haba! Biko end it asap before you join in the madness too, me can't near anything that doesn't give me peace of mind!
May be it is like that in family she comes from.if her father or mother are fond of complaining about everything
ReplyDeleteAvoid that girl o! Her negativity will rub on you like the smell of a skunk. Such people are usually too far gone to be helped. I usually just tune such kinds of persons out.
ReplyDeleteThe Americans have a saying, if everywhere you go stinks, then maybe look under your shoe. If everyone you meet appears to you to be an asshole, then maybe you are the asshole.
You obviously cannot manage it that's why ended it. It's better for your health. Negative vibes can make one go mad. Advice her to get help.
ReplyDeleteNa wa o which kind complaint be that.
ReplyDeleteShe really needs someone who she respects well to point this out to her for her to really come to terms with her character and begin find a solution to it.
Why is she complaining like this? No watter what life has dealt her
It's toxic
Poster Since you have made all efforts to point to her about how her complaints are affecting you and have even proffered help to her and she does not want to do something about it. Then I believe it's time to move on however I want you to show some form of empathy even when ending the relationship; it can be done in a respectful but firm manner... Your mental health is important and that has to be respected.
ReplyDeleteAll the best
How did she gather friends in the first place, or are they birds of a feather? Complaint masters. Lol.
ReplyDeleteHope say you didn't sleep with her, with her complaining trait, if so better get used to her.
Ire ooo.
Sleeping with is a too way road. She used him too, right. No man should let any woman guilt trip him on this sleeping with issue.
DeleteThat's why it is said not to. But the same sleepers will shout "Ang" and "prude".
End it with her for your own peace of mind
ReplyDeleteGood for you Mr boyfriend.. Stay away from her and end it.
ReplyDeleteIts draining being in such a negative place. Make up your mind and stand firm on your decision. May peace be upon you both.
ReplyDeleteI cannot stay with someone that will be making my heart beat kpim kpim kpim kpim all the time.
ReplyDeleteImagine living in fear. Abeg l can't.
Just make sure you break it off officially and let her know it’s over so she can also move on. Folks that complain like her are not happy with their own lives. Might also be due to childhood upbringing/trauma. She needs to see a therapist or medication that’ll help balance her mood/brain chemistry. Nothing wrong with that; just that naija society see mental health in a shameful way. Imagine if a lot of people seek mental health therapy (because that country alone is enough to break pesin), people will be able to handle issues better.
ReplyDeleteWhen she no get anyone marry am, maybe, just maybe, she’ll remember your advise and seek help. Don’t carry this type of burden into a life long marriage Biko. Save yourself from that and end this relationship today. Good luck.
Exactly
DeleteShe needs to see a therapist. Nothing can ever be perfect in this world. Shes looking for outright perfection which isn't possible.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you like about her?
ReplyDeleteJust observing that you too only complained
Lol 🤣🤣
DeleteHe is complaining of the complaints na 🤷🏽🤷🏽😉
Biko protect your mental health. Tell her you are not interested in the relationship again and state why as Stella adviced up there. She’s prolly going to try to blackmail you emotionally but please ignore her and move on
ReplyDeleteGood decision i pray she get help asap.
ReplyDeleteShe is supposed to be referred to as your ex.
ReplyDeleteThe way I block or give long distance when I see them post "he loves me for my wahala",. Or all those meme about how their ex left cos of their toxicity but it's the same toxicity that their present man love..
ReplyDeleteIt's not my life you'll come and frustrate..
I already have a lot of issues I'm dealing with on my own,. If you're not going to be my peace, then don't increase my troubles
I can imagine how poster feels., Yesterday I sat in front of another lady in the nursing mother's section and this Lady must have hissed dozens of times simply because her toddler was restless as is expected. It made service almost uncomfortable for me.
ReplyDeleteIf you are breaking up with her please emphasize on the fact that her complaints over things are your reasons for breaking up. Maybe that will help her work on herself for her next relationships because currently, it's not yet dawned on her about how uncomfortable she makes people feel around her.
ReplyDeleteRun o!
ReplyDeleteOr be prepared to sleep on the rooftop during marriage to this woman.
That's what the Bible says is the portion of men married to women like her. Read Proverbs in the Bible.
#theBibleisevertrue
Abeg end this relationship before the relationship ends you.
ReplyDeleteEnd the relationship as soon As possible
ReplyDeleteI dislike people that complaints with passion
ReplyDeleteI can boldly tell you you're dating immature Lady, as in in age and in experience, no person who have understood this life can be this judgemental to everything like this.
ReplyDeleteIs not true, that is her nature and who she is. To impress such kind of people you will have to kill her. Don't pray you encounter such people else you will run for your life.
DeleteI don't like people that never see the good in anything. Please do away with her. It can't end well
ReplyDeleteA man once told me he finds such women attractive... Arumelu
ReplyDeleteSome people will like her
ReplyDeleteShe’s not your cup of tea so just leav her quietly
I can relate cos I once had a gf that was like yours, she complained about everything around her. Each time we see so so complain, you tell her to do a job she will say nope and keep on complaining. You tell her to talk to God nope she will still complain about how God has forgotten her or how he hasn't given her a husband.
ReplyDeleteThe complaining was too much ,I spoke to her several times to be appreciative than complaining but she is not helping matters. You complain about everything yet you cannot help out or solve the situation. For years we talk once in a while, of she wants to start complaining I will just tell jer please I will call you back let me attend to something. I can tell her that I am on the road will call her back.
Chat is few words, thr ones with complain I will pretend I didn't see it and respond to the ones without complain. It's very frustrating 😕😔 I understand that but you need to free yourself and ignore that blackmail. Your health is more important than the blackmail.
Since she has refused to see that she needs help but prefers to infect you with her attitude, let her continue misbehaving till no one is with her anymore. Most people with problems do not know they have those problems or challenge. Block her and face front cos you cannot change her except God.
I have a friend like this she likes to complain abeg she’s so pessimistic. I used to be like this and realised it was faithless of me and childish now I act positive even when down even to my hubby . Let her go she will drain you she’s already accused you of using her whatever that means
ReplyDelete