Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Hello Stella.
I am a working-class lady of 29 years. I just completed my master's degree last year at one of the most prestigious universities in Nigeria. I got the Federal government Job I am doing through the connection of my parents But My parents have threatened to send me away from their home because I am clocking thirty years old next year and have not brought a suitor home.
The guys I meet are not my spec. My taste is not high. The last guy I met had a terrible dress sense and strong body odour. To cap it all, he is not teachable. I can't date him. When I told my brother that I couldn't manage to date this guy, he accused me of looking for a fine boy like Ramsey Noah.
The issue now is have not met any serious guy and have been seriously praying as a Christian. My parent's house is not far from my workplace. They have given me a deadline that I need to leave their house by next year February if I can't bring any suitor home. I am staying in my parent's house to save so that I can be financially stable.
I sponsored my MSc degree with the little money I am earning. Now I don't have much on me. I am not paid well as a civil servant because my agency is a Z-list agency. Now to the reason for the chronicles, should I lie to my parents that I have seen a suitor so that I can live in their house for a year to save up before renting my apartment or I should go and rent a single room without being financially stable? What do I do? I am trusting God to provide a serious man before February but I don't want to be desperate.
My parents believed that me eating free food and living in their apartment is not making me serious about marriage. What do I do because I don't want to marry just any guy?
What kind of mentality is this? Must you live in your parents house and be eating their free food? You started the Chronicle as if you are from a rich home and ended it as if you are poor.........
At your age you should be staying on your own abeg!
And after this supposed Masters degree programme, you moved back into your parents house? Please go and rent even if it is one room and have the peace of mind you seek.This chronicle sounds really childish. so if you now lie to them that you found someone, wont they ask to see the person?
Please move out from their apartment..
Your parents are not trying by forcing you to get married. If you end up rushing into marriage, and he's violent towards you, they are the type that will tell you to endure. Abeg, try get a small place of your own and move out ASAP.
ReplyDeleteYour parents are only being concerned , some of you don't know how to prioritize, you don't take marriage seriously until you get to a certain age then you wouldn't mind breaking another woman's home to be a second wife or looking for a man to get you pregnant. I have seen how desperate, sad,angry, jealous, quarrelsome single women in their mature age can be, If you know you want to remain single that is okay but if not then start screening on time, don't let any man waste your time in the name of dating for long and please don't be desperate but be very observant because sometimes women tend to overlook good men because they're not observant enough. Don't leave your parents house except they chase you out because living alone as a woman exposes you to so many dangers and men may try to take advantage of you. Dress well, look happy, Be prayerful and avoid any situation that can lead you to sin. God Bless You.
DeletePoster, move out of your parents house and have you peace no matter how small
DeleteDear Poster, things are very very expensive now. To rent and live into a house is not a small thing so don’t be in too much of a hurry to move out o. Since your parents have decided to not let you rest, use sense for them. Find one paddy that you will use and deceive them that you’ve found boyfriend. You have to become a Nollywood actress for the next few months if you want peace of mind. My dear if you don’t have the talent naturally, enter market and price sofa, bed, fridge and gas cooker. Then go to nigerianpropertycenter and check rent. When the amount makes your eye clear, you will become inspired to do drama for your parents o. Be using fake phone call and lie lie boyfriend story to manage them until you save us better money to move out. Take your time my dear, nothing dey outside. But since they don’t want you to rest, you too don’t allow them rest with drama of boyfriend since na wetin dem dey find
DeleteAnonymous 17:44
DeleteSee as you are talking in the nonsense
"Some of you don't know how to prioritize yen yen yen"
"I have seen how desperate, sad, angry, jealous and quarrelsome single women in their mature age can be"
Liar liar pants on fire!
You think it is every family and every woman that carries marriage matter in their head like gala?!
See mindset!
Poster, what city are you based in? If you're in Port-Harcourt, lets pretend to date, so your parents can rest. Of course, no knacking will be involved, and the "relationship" will strictly be by your rules.
DeleteI'm bored and seriously looking for some distraction, from the monotony of life.
Who knows, we can start off something serious from there.
It is this kind of parent to will force or advice their daughter to remain in a toxic marriage until she dies.
ReplyDeleteVery bad mentality.
If they send you parking hire a house you can afford even if it's a sef con or a face me I face you, it's not a permanent arrangement, you will save and then get a better one.
Don't settle for that body odour guy.
Na only person wey get body odour go fit cohabit with body odour cos they can't see anything bad.
Your parents are evil.
I remember when my father was alive he will say marriage is not by force.
Make money and live your happy life.
I miss him.
Even my mom who used to ginger about marriage has rested now, cos its more than what humans think it to be, if its not God ordained it can't work. Even if you force it you will still regret it.
No matter how small you earn, get your self a space since theirs come with condition, don't be pressurized into good or bad marriage.
ReplyDeletePlease stick to Stella advice, let me not compound your issue with my advice.
ReplyDeleteBetter move before you will desperately enter one chance in the name of marriage. Continue praying God will come through for you.
ReplyDeleteI don’t see any profit in lying to your parents. You will end up in desperation and choose what you shouldn’t to upkeep the lie. If they do not want you in their home because of your unmarried status then think to move.
ReplyDeleteSince you have an elite education then apply for jobs in better agencies and have a mindset to move to another state or city. The elite education you have should be opening better doors than getting a job in some local agency that your parents secured for you. Start networking and using your own contacts. Didn’t you have good rapport with any of your professors? Didn’t you meet any colleagues in the program that is in your network? Going to school isn’t only about getting your degree, you are supposed to be building your network.
With the little you have saved, look for a means to move out. Some family members are horrible. Staying in such environment will drain you.
ReplyDeleteI laugh at eating free food, sounds like rubbish talk I hear. I work and get paid and take care of myself. The rumor has it that I'm spending free money. Hmmmmm human beings.
ReplyDeletePoster Don't lie to your parent, take it to God in prayers and leave it there. Trust God to come through for you in his own way. Stay positive, Hopeful and Happy.
ReplyDeleteLife is tough, Don't stress more abeg.
It is well with you poster. why are your parents putting this much pressure on you na. Do they want you to just marry just by marrying sake and tomorrow you will now divorce and still be back to them? They should give you time to stand on your own biko. Some parents are so annoying
ReplyDeleteMove out to avoid "see finish and quarrel from them.
ReplyDeleteParents who do this - what do they hope to achieve? Is it to send their children out into bad marriages, give them low esteem and make them desperate?
ReplyDeleteI may be wrong but they seem like the kind of parents who will tell their daughters to stay put in a bad marriage no matter how miserable it makes them feel.
Pray you don't marry a bad man with the kind of family you have because you will be left on your own and you won't be granted any support to leave.
Don't bother explaining to us that your taste is not high, because I believe you besides it is not wrong to have standards as long as they are reasonable and yours seems reasonable enough.
Stop putting pressure on God and yourself before Satan packages a wolf in sheep's clothing and gives you. What do you mean you hope to see or get a man before February? Why does everyone even think they must marry before 30?
You should move out for your sanity and self-respect.
A lot of ladies who are not married still live with their parents, it is not uncommon but if they want you to move then please move but as you presently live in their house, do you buy things in the house? Do you assist in your little way?
The environment you are in (which is your parent's house) I a negative and poisonous one.
ReplyDeleteThey did you a favour by threatening to throw you out by February. You should be grateful for this.
My dear, you need to leave there ASAP. Even if they change their minds, don't change yours.
Marriage is deep and its suppose to be a lifetime journey. And the road is not always smooth. There are speed bombs at intervals. The degree varies and is peculiar to each marriage.
Its not something you want to enter for the wrong reasons. If you do, You will live all your life regretting and can cut your dreams or life short.
You are blessed to be working. So you should be able to afford a house according to your income. Don't go looking for the one to be forming big girl with. Something you can afford yearly without stress.
Start taking responsibility for your life and Including financially.
By this age, you ought to even be giving back to your parents. No be your own worst pass. So enough of the free loading.
Also, you need to erase the mindset that a husband is suppose to provide you with everything, while you enjoy...
It's a team work. He offcourse has
to take major responsibility, but you support too.
Take this in good faith, and move out ASAP.
Lastly, there's no competition in destiny. Take your time and prayerfully choose your partner. No one but you will live with him. Its worth waiting to get the best.
Time can never be late if you walk with God.
Gbam. And after moving out, speak your mind on how you feel and how disappointed you are. and keep your distance for some time poster. Your parents are meannn! I stayed in my parents place until I Married at 32. They didn’t rush me into marriage or a gave me a nonsense deadline. Only annoying thing they did was stressing me out about coming to church with them as they own a church. Move out and get a female roommate or small self Contain home.
DeleteMust she give back to her parents?? What’s sort of mentality is this for goodness sake? What if her parents are doing well? Have enough money for retirement? Stop pressuring young adults who’s just starting their lives to give money to parents. Let it come from their heart and not in a forceful manner.
DeleteAnon 17: 33. If that's all you understood from my write up, then I feel sorry for you.
DeleteAnd I pray God give you comprehension
Meanwhile, no matter how rich my parents become tomorrow, and can even buy me the whole world, I will ways give to them.
Sorry to say, but your parents are soooooo backward. Why can't they be supportive? Imagine giving your daughter a deadline to bring a man home or leave.... Bullshit!!
ReplyDeleteNa grand children dey hungry those your parents. They should be calming down and you too should be supporting with any little amount you can afford for foodstuffs to gain some respect. I understand how it feels to be living with ones parents at your age and how they feel about you being single at your age and living with them when you should be in your husband's house. That's Nigeria parents mentality. Don't get angry but try and understand them
ReplyDeleteHh
ReplyDeleteYou are a 29 year old woman living with your parents for free! 🤨🤨There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be contributing to their household...even if you're trying to save money!!
ReplyDeleteSolely take on one or two of the utility bills. Why aren't you buying the groceries? Filling up the gas cylinder when needed? Paying the DSTV? Waste management bill?
No wonder your parents want to kick you out!
You are a freeloader that needs to grow up, NOW!!
The only thing I agree with in your write-up, is not rushing into marriage, just to say you have a husband.
Its good for parents to be sensible, not behave like leeches. I'm 32 years, working and about to be married. Parents have never for once pressured me for anything. If I buy anything, my dad will ask for a list of everything and reimburse me. I'm made to feel so welcome that I'd be sad to leave. My mom always ring in my ears to use my money and look good. Of course they don't need my peanuts.
DeleteWell...aren't we lucky that this chronicle isn't about you, or your parents that don't need your peanuts!! 😏🙃
DeletePaying some of the bills isn't the bad thing you're making it out to be. After all, if she were living alone, would she not be spending a whole lot more?!
The marriage ultimatum comes across to me, as them wanting her to learn responsibility and independence.
Stella!! Lol...There's nothing wrong of she's still staying with her parents! However, she didn't indicate if she buys foodstuff items and the likes occasionally or pay certain bills!
ReplyDeletePoster, please don't allow pressure allow you fall into the wring hands. I like that you know want you want! Talk to some friends and see if they can accommodate you for a while ( share the bills - rents and the likes).. Start saving for a rented apartment! Pray! Network and be happy! Ignore any distraction in form of pressure. All the best !
I guess you did not read meaning or understand the meaning of living peacefully in a hut than crying in a mansion. Go find a place of your own and earn respect. If you knew the kind of discussion your parents are having on this your matter, you will find a place and pack same moment. Even your brother did not want to sound offensive.
ReplyDeletePack!!!
Stella no too blame the poster ,you see Nigerian family setting sometimes it's the reason why many women end up with abusers as husband they will not allow you to date fiam late twenties is at your door, then they start mounting pressures on you to bring a man home , if you re not lucky enough still in their house, come and see see finish, you sis not trash the bin, why re you not home by six grown up woman o, you have to take permission from them for anything , on one hand it's good but you see this husband thing e no dey favor us women cos of husband pressure
ReplyDeleteEverything you said is true and it's annoying
DeleteNigerian parents can be good but many are toxic
DeleteNigerian parents can be good but many are toxic
Delete"What do I do? I am trusting God to provide a serious man before February but I don't want to be desperate. "......
ReplyDeleteDon't be desperate. Hope you meet a serious one before then ,if not move out. Living with your parent at that age you may not have your respect. I know what some African parents can do .
So they wanna push you away because of husband. Go rent a room, for your sanity.
ReplyDeleteIf you end up with a wife beater, I guess they won't allow you to come back.
Start looking for a house.
Nna ehn, my parents can't even say some things to me sha. Too much respect to the extent they'll be forcing me to bring home a suitor.
ReplyDeleteShioor. We will go back and forth as to why I have choices and decisions to make in life.
Poster best thing is leave their space for them oh.
Set boundaries between you and your parents. Some parents don't need to everything going on in your life.
I am the poster. I give them money per month. I mean the little I can afford. My parent said I am reserved and that it is my being calm that is not giving me a husband. They said they believed if I rented an apartment I could always interact with neighbors. They believe renting an apartment will automatically get me a husband which is not true. Maybe I will rent a single room by next year Feb even if they change their mind I don't care again. My elder sis got married out of pressure. Her marriage packs up as a result of infertility on the part of the husband. I don't want to be pressurized. Now they are saying they didn't pressure my sister. I don't want such to happen to me.
ReplyDeleteJust move out and have peace,they will always deny of not pressuring the child when it doesn't go well,God will give you the husband ordained for you,but take your time and don't rush into any marriage to satisfy your parents, your case will be different.
DeleteIf it’s me and money no too dey my mind, I won’t move
ReplyDeleteI know my parents. Las Las they will be alright if I stay
Instead I’ll start looking for how to japa or find a job in a different state. Pick one of your friends and go visit that area. There might be a guy there you
This your area is not paying you relationship wise
My hand. Not mind
DeleteBefore you are pressured into depression, stress and anxiety
DeletePrayerfully move out, ignore the clock attached to you about 30yrs
Pray for the best
Before you are pressured into depression, stress and anxiety
DeletePrayerfully move out, ignore the clock attached to you about 30yrs
Pray for the best
Do you think Nigeria problem was what made her to commit suicide. What if it was marriage issue??
ReplyDeleteMany people are going through a lot.
Read another suicide case somewhere, 29 year old man committed suicide because he couldn't pay loan...
I can never do that to my daughter's , marriage is not how long but how well.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I pray your parents won't push you into wrong hand s which you all might regret in the future. Don't be pressured and you don't need to tell a lie that you are in a relationship, else you will keep telling lies to cover lies.
ReplyDeleteIt's also because you ain't contributing to the feeding in the house, why should they keep feeding you. Change in this regards. To reduce pressure, and gain your respect , it's better to get a place even if it's a room or co-rent with a friend. Don't rush into marriage out of desperation, else guys will sense this in you and just keep making a mess of your emotions and take advantage of you.Keep being prayerful and wait for God's appointed time.
Poster start contributing in paying some of the bills in the house or you just get a one room apartment and have your peace of mind jare!
ReplyDeleteThey will push you into desperation if you don't do something.
I won't tell you to rent your own space but at 29 with a federal government job,haba madam your parents have tried o, instead of moving out to live alone,divide your salary into four places 1/4 goes to your mom for feeding and utility every month, the other 1/4 for transport and recharge card the remaining 2/4 goes for savings.
ReplyDeleteMe that My sister in law that is single and almost 50yrs of age is leaving in my house...don't know how she feels knowing its her younger brother that is taking care of her...
ReplyDeleteBefore I married my husband he told me she was looking for an apartment...its almost 3 yrs now. Aunty hasn't found an apartment....abi did my husband Lie to me....
Haaaaa when your parent are your nightmare.......... Poster pls since you work and earn just move out if you don't want to be frustrated the more. This would be my case if i was still unmarried till now.
ReplyDeleteYou can't afford to marry just anyone.its a life time commitment and you need to get it right.
ReplyDeleteAn apartment may not be best for now cos the loneliness might make you settle for less.Get some elders in church, pastors or relatives who could help you speak to your parents.Spend time praying and having the pictures of that which your heart desires.Soon, you will attract the right man.
Poster Haba na! Will you live forever with your parents. Immediately after NYSC you should have started making plans towards living alone. Forget those useless talks about ladies living alone being wayward, there are no substantiation to that effect.
ReplyDeletePlease don't allow your parents push you into making a wrong choice out of desperation. Marriage is a life long affair, dont allow anyone pressurise you into going in.
Is time you become responsible, get a loan and rent a place for yourself. It's not flattering that you still allow your parents feed you without contribution, when you are working. That is not being smart at all.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with staying in your father's house at 29. Especially when your office is close to their house.
DeleteAbsolutely nothing!!
Poster, you should start saving towards leaving your family house. You don't have to lie to them about anything. tell your folks to give you just one more year to save up and all that. then move out. You will gain respect. As for meeting good guys, dress well, be well behaved, and i hope you are confident. you will certainly catch the eye of a serious man. and please do not forget the place of God. He comes first. pardon the sequence i used in my presentation.
ReplyDeletePls my sis just go n get any apartment u can, n calm down to find goodman, if u rush in u go rush out ooo
ReplyDeleteTerrible family. What kind of pressure is this? Nobody should pressure you into marrying a wrong partner
ReplyDeleteIt's well with you dear poster
ReplyDeleteWhat are you still doing in your parent's house after master degree? You are a lazy person cos most of us starting paying our bills since 19000. You should go rent a place at least a self cont of like 200 to 300k and free your parents.
ReplyDeleteThey are talking this way cos you are not responsible, by the time you move out of their house and start living on your own your parents will miss you and start giving you respect.
They want you to marry anyone just because you are 29 years old, your parents should have brought any to come marry you or let your dad marry you. Give your parent job by asking them nicely to get any guy of their choice as an in-law and you will say yes to them.
I was home at 29
DeleteI’m very motivated but why waste money on rent. Y’all move too fast sometimes and can’t save. I moved from their house to mine
Not even them bringing a man should force you to marry their choice
DeleteYou will live with the man not them
I was in my parent's house till 32. I married from there. You people should stop pressurizing young ladies.
DeleteIt's your parents I blame. What kind of unnecessary pressure arr your parents putting on you? You might end up falling into the wrong hands. It's better you move out for your peace of mind then entering into the wrong hands
ReplyDeleteYour parents are not helping matter at all, poster follow Stella advice.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with living with your parents while Single as long as you're doing your own part and are responsible. However, if it has become too uncomfortable for you then please go and rent a single room or self con in a good area and move out. If you like to them, you'll only need more lies to cover up. This is not Nigerian film
ReplyDeleteMy parents house ko my parent house ni.....common move out of that house,you are old enough to be on your own, before your people will push you into something you will regret later ....... Josaria
ReplyDeleteWhen Nysc is coming to an end many ladies were scared of going back ,it was a daily topic how we do am some left ,some were lucky to see husband marry, I just went back I got a job with an NGO then after one month I moved back there, worked for three years was lucky to get hitched and married. that reminder everyday about husband no be joke ,some parents doesn't help in pressure the best is to move out and have peace of mind since they want you to marry anyhow start networking with your friends,call the for job updates ,apply online too if not they will give you migraine
ReplyDeleteYour parents will not send you away, its just a trick to get you serious for a life partner. Probably they feel you are too comfortable staying with them, but I bet you they won't send you away.
ReplyDelete