STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
House something is bothering me and I want to ask what you all think I should do.
The day I lost my dad was the same day a group was created for a wedding and I was added by a friend at the gym. Not like we are close just greetings and once in a while we say hello on chat, we don’t know each other’s house or have ever hung out so I cannot say we have any friendship here.
My main worry is that the wedding is this month while my dad’s burial is next month. From my place you cannot attend events or do celebrations till your dad is buried. The money for the aso ebi is 40k and I need to spend more than 10k to travel to the wedding.
Should I tell her I lost my dad and cannot come, should I just lock up as if nothing is happening, should I attend the wedding without buying the aso ebi? I don’t even have money to buy aso ebi or send to her cos all plan is towards the burial arrangement.
I need urgent help on what to do cos is giving me sleepless nights, I don’t know if she saw my post when I lost my dad cos I posted it on my status. Since she hasn’t said anything that means she doesn’t know about it, what should I do at this junction?
Please tell her you will be unavailable for the wedding.....I dont know if your frame of mind will even allow you but call off being part of it and attend to what is more important....
Na wa for you o. Why should you even bother with that?
ReplyDeleteYou that just lost your dad and is mourning? For the next one year, don’t attend any events please. Whoever wants to get angry can go ahead and do that. Are they feeding you?
You can’t attend the wedding and you don’t have to purchase aso ebi. If she can’t understand that, then that’s her problem.
You owe no one any explanations.
Please mourn your dad and give him a befitting burial. Thank you!!!
Sluttychic.
One year sha
DeleteDo you think her father would want her to stay away from events for a year
She should let the person in question know of her situation and also unavailability. No need for long storytelling. From your explanation, you guys are just cordial. Don’t bother about what people think or might say if you, it doesn’t pay your bills.
DeleteFirst off, adding you to a group without asking you first is wrong, do not put pressure on yourself, weigh it and see if it will not be too much stress for you physically and financially
DeleteExplain to the person that you just lost your dad and as such you can't attend any event for now. No normal person will even ask you for money when you are still mourning.
DeleteIt’s a no brainer sweetie. Forget the wedding.
DeleteI understand weddings are important but she’s not even your friend so your stressing this is kinda strange to me. Is it that you’d like to be friends with her
ReplyDeleteBrides tend to be in their own. Little world so I’m sure she doesn’t know you lost your dad. I would buy the asoebi and skip the wedding
NO do NOT buy the Aso ebi! For what???? They’re not friends! She’s not friends with her. She only added her so she can purchase aso ebi. Not like she gives a damn about her friendship. Poster do not go to the wedding and use whatever money to have towards your dad’s burial. And no, you don’t have to be friends with her. She seems like a user already. Biko don’t stress on this naw haba.
DeletePoster, stop asking this kind of question. I want to give you better knock as I read this thing. Call her and tell her what happened and so you can't make it. If she frowns or acts funny, call me make I arrange people go beat her. I hate rubbish. Sorry about your daddy. God rest his soul and comfort your family.
DeleteDon't assume she knows/doesn't know about your Dad. Tell her you cannot attend her wedding, you are planning your Dad's burial. So sorry about your Dad. 🤗
ReplyDeletePoster shed the unnecessary weight.
DeleteDon't give I to peer pressure
Tell the truth
DeleteMao Akuh
Exactly,no stress
DeleteSorry about your dad
DeleteMay his soul rest in peace..
Abeg ooo Just tell your friend you won't be available o
That you just lost your father
She will definitely Understand
Is not a big deal..
They’re not even friends and she’s stressing over this. Unnecessary stress sha. What kind of pressure is this? At this age?? Are we in secondary school or what??? Na wa ooo.
DeleteWill the heavens fall if u just tell her the truth? Your dad just died and burial preparations won’t let u be able to attend her wedding. Only a witch will even pick offense. I won’t even be surprised if the bride sends u something self to help.
ReplyDeleteDunno why you people like making uncomplicated situations complicated.
Condolences on the loss of your father. May his soul rest in peace.
Like I don't know too!!! Very simple solution to something that isn't even a problem.
DeleteSend her a Whatzapp message explaining to her that you lost your dad and wont be available for her wedding cos you are traveling for your dad's burial arrangement the same week she is getting married. people should stop putting unnecessary stress on themselves. How can this be giving you sleepless night? I nor dey do pass my power o and I dont mind cutting off anybody for my own peace of mind
ReplyDeleteDon't attend the wedding, tell her you lost your father and planning for the burial.
ReplyDeleteShe'll understand you.
You don't need to be bothered at all,if she is nor aware of your dad's demise,and she didn't greet you in any way,forget about the wedding.
ReplyDeletePoster, ask yourself; if you change gym today will that person still be important to you or still be your friend? I do not pretend to know how the asoebi thing works, I'm not Nigerian but what I know is that, you cannot please everyone and that is okay. You are mourning please tell her that and make her aware you cannot attend.
ReplyDeleteThis issue is not supposed to bother you much, Let her know you just loss your dad and will be unavailable.
ReplyDeleteYou can support her with little money if you've to spare.
Sorry for your loss.
Do you want to please her to displease yourself?
ReplyDeleteOpen up to her that you are planning for your dad's burial and wouldn't be available, Simple! !
I think she'll understand.
See questions 🤨
ReplyDeleteE dey turn belle ah swear.
DeleteCondolences about your Dad.
ReplyDeleteTell her your Dad passed
Explain that tradition requires you stay oof all celebrations until after your Dad's celebration.
Tell her you would have loved to be there but for the circumstances. Wish her a successful ceremony and happy married life.
Within 2 to 4 after the ceremony (chuckling tell her you didn't want to disturb her honeymoon hence the days lapse), call or send a message to congratulate and wish her happy married life.
As soon as you can after, send a gift item or mark the date and send a 1 year anniversary gift.
If she is not happy with all above, let go.
Mr. Mann
Let her know you just lost your dad and wouldn't be available for the wedding, you can also send to her 5k or 10k as wedding gift instead of buying 40k aso-ebi.
ReplyDeleteShe owe her nothing.
DeleteGbam ,I don't know why the poster is worried tell her you re planning your dad's burial shikena
DeleteSend which money. Someone that is morning should send money to someone that is celebrating?
DeleteNa this one dey bother you when you never bury your pa ?? Wonderment 😳
ReplyDeleteMamannukusdkblogceleb
Tell her you lost your dad and will not be disposed to participate in her wedding. You can even mention that you posted it on your status just so that she doesn't think you want to give empty excuses.
ReplyDeleteTry not to let external issues Ike this bother you unnecessarily now that you are in mourning. Losing a loved one is already hard to contend with.
Sorry about your daddy. Please take heart.
Aunty Poster, na you just wan give yourself sleepless night because sleep nor catch you. The truth is, you don't owe her any explanation. When they are posting the pictures after the wedding, congratulate her and wish her well and keep it moving. Your explaining to her that you wont attend will just give you away and that is when she will mark your face that you didn't attend her wedding. She cant take not of everyone who attends her wedding that day and she is just inviting you for inviting sake not like she is actually expecting you. I pray you get all the funds needed for your father's burial
ReplyDeleteThis is the answer right here poster. You guys are not friends at all just hi hi. Keep it moving.
DeletePost your dad's burial on the WhatsApp group for the wedding so that they will know why you can't attend the wedding. Many people feel offended when you don't attend their event.
ReplyDeletePlease don't do that. No right at all.
DeleteHian! For wetin nau. Poster pls dont do this.
DeleteI don't understand how you have created a problem out of thin air for yourself. Why should simple communication become an issue? If you tell her that you can't make it will heaven fall?
ReplyDeleteYou owe no one an explanation for your decisions. I assure you this person you are stressing yourself about will not hesitate to not give a fuck about you at a moment's notice.
Made it known to her about the loss of your dad. Don't attend the wedding. Your father can't be in a morgue and I will be attending an event.
ReplyDeleteMarigold.
Nobody suppose tell you what to do...how can you be thinking of attending a wedding when you lost your dad. Its not like you owe her any explanation, but since you were added to the group, politely tell her you can't attend the wedding because you are bereaved. It's very simple and she must understand because she is not a devil na. It's really not a big deal. You should know your priority from the get go
ReplyDeleteThe things some people find difficult to communicate is mind blowing and baffling.
ReplyDeletePoster what will it cost you to open your mouth and tell the person that added you all these things you just came to pour out here ehn?
Simple, oh sorry i can't make it, lost my dad and preparations are in full gear for burial, I'm short on finances at the moment will solve all these.
You really do not have a problem if this is what is giving you sleepless nights.
Haba poster why are you giving yourdeyo sleepless nights over something that fodoesn worth it.
ReplyDeleteFirst, this person is not your friend but an acquaintance which makes it easy and simple to tell her you can't make it to the wedding because you're bereaved. You lost your dad! Any sensible person will understand.
Dear poster kindly tell her you just lost your dad and you will be unable to attend her wedding.
ReplyDeleteAccept my condolences dear poster
Why should things like this bother you. Just call her and wish her well and tell her you are sorry u won't be available s you lost your dad. Why choke yourself just to please people at your own detriments.
ReplyDeleteJust explain the situation of things to her,that is all.no biggie
ReplyDeleteYes, tell her you wish her all the best but due to your family obligations with your father’s passing you will not be able to attend her wedding. Do not concern yourself with getting a gift, focus on your father’s celebration of life and use your money for your travels home and whatever else you will need.
ReplyDeleteYou have no obligation to this acquaintance. Do not complicate matters by overthinking or trying to be polite. Just focus on you and your family. Please also exit the WhatsApp group that you were added to.
It's obvious you are not the expressive type. How can someone you are not very close to invite you to a wedding at your inconvenience, and you could not even let her know you couldn't attend? Na waa for you ooo...
ReplyDeletePoster I don't see anything in your post to keep you worried or have sleepless nights...I mean you stated that you lost your dad...I noticed that to a large extent Nigerians do not define what people are to them or create some boundaries...Because I say ''Hello'' or "Hi'' does not automatically mean we are Friends...Some people can be your work buddy, associates, colleagues, acquaintances or knowing someone mutually...This person is clearly not your friend so why the sweat?
ReplyDeleteI think confidence comes with age...If you add me on any whatsapp group without my authorization, I will exit that group immediately...Let her know that you can't attend the meeting Kpom Kwem....This is not something to overthink at all...''I lost my dad I will not be able to attend your wedding...Happy Married life to you. God bless you and your new family Amen!''
I can't believe you are worrying your pretty head over something as trivial as this for someone who is not clearly a friend to you...Nne take am easy...All the best...
Mtchew! Does this even qualify for chronicle at all? Giving yourself sleepless nights over the wedding of someone you don’t even consider a friend?? And why would you even attend a joyful event like a wedding when you’re still mourning your Dad? Abeg park go one side jo!
ReplyDeleteWith everything going on in your country - financial hardship, safety concerns etc...this is what is giving you sleepness nights??!!!
ReplyDeleteEven with there being a bereavement in your immediate family...this is what is giving you sleepness nights???!!!
To say I'm stunned, is an understatement!!
Like everyone else has said, just tell her the truth. Simple!!
**My condolences
This is not hard nah. A simple chat will sort this out : " Hi, trust your wedding plans are going very well. I would have loved to attend but I just lost my Dad and we are busy with burial plans. Happy married life in advance"
ReplyDeletePoster, as far as I am concerned, I don't see any problem here. Simply narrate to the person who added you to the WhatsApp group without your permission, everything you wrote above. As Africans , we know how unacceptable it is for a loved one's corpse to be in the mortuary, and we are seen at different parties. If your Friend really cares genuinely for you and is not just out to profiteer from you, she is supposed to understand
ReplyDeleteYou should have immediately tell her your present situation which is losing someone who is so important in your life. I dont know why people think it is a must to attend some' ones event and buy asoebi. Left for me there will be no party in this world. The key people to attend any celebration in my life is my family every other person is a bonus which i will understand if you dont attend. My best friend did'nt come for my TM cos same day was her eye appointment i understood and was updating her back to back on that day. I couldnt attend her wedding due to covid and i had a baby and she understand and brought my own souvenir after the wedding and we are still friends till date. That i am your friend does not mean we owe each other life not to talk about someone i am not close to abeggii suit yourself.
ReplyDeleteThis is maturity.
DeleteThis one no be problem na. Just let her know you are bereaved she would understand.
ReplyDeleteAunty...don't stress yourself abeg..Tell her you won't be available at all. If she really wants to know why then let her know and if you can send that transport fare to her then do and forget about the rest.
ReplyDeleteYou can't make a simple decision abi you just felt like sending a chronicle?
ReplyDeleteYou better tell her that you won’t be available biko, naso i sacrifice for a fair weather friend. Baked cake for her free, bought asoebi and a lot.
ReplyDeleteI couldn’t attend cos my dad died the morning before the wedding, in my pain i still drove to give her the bridal shower cake before going to see my dad.
Only for her to japa immediately and didn’t call or tell me till today
Me sef eye done shine i no dey do mini friendship
Even if you didn't lose your dad,it is not compulsory to go if you don't have enough money on you. Never allow people to put you under any unnecessary pressure in this type of economy.
ReplyDeleteI rejoice with those who rejoice but I won't leave necessary things undone and now lose sleep on the not so important things.
Mourn your dad and attend parties when you are mentally and financially ready please.
May your daddy's soul rest in peace.
Someone like me would have told her long ago that I'm grieving and won't attend the money.
ReplyDeleteThen I'll just send in my support. Shikena.
Truth is, most of all these wedding groups are after the money.
How you can be planning burial and be wondering how to please people is amazing. Rest abeg
U cannot come and kill yourself over matters like this,tell her u lost your dad and you are preparing for the burial,after the wedding you wish her well and send her something your power reach................ Josaria
ReplyDeleteSorry about that...... Just let her know the present condition, she will understand.
ReplyDeleteSend her a message that you cannot make it cos you are bereaved.
ReplyDeleteSome people creat a WhatsApp group for their event and add everybody in their contacts, not excluding the people that are not close to them. When you see yourself in the group, you'll be surprised, thinking that the reason you were added to the group is because the person holds you in high esteem. All these things do happen. Is it that you guys in this blog have not experienced it?
ReplyDeleteJust tell her you're mourning, how do you intend going for occasion that your dad is still at the mug?
ReplyDeleteThis is a no brainer nau. You guyz are not close and you owe her nothing. Tell her you can't come cos you have a burial to plan
ReplyDeleteThis is not an issue except there is something you aren’t telling us. send her a message explaining to her you can’t come with reasons or tell her when next you see at the gym you lost your dad even if this wedding is a month after the burial it’s somehow to attend talk more of before burial
ReplyDeleteSay the truth
ReplyDeleteSay the truth
ReplyDeleteSimple joor.
ReplyDeleteTell her your dad passed & you cannot attend