NARRATIVE ONE
My sister is getting married, so her fiancée said he’ll call us . That’s me and my brother. He called our eldest brother but he didn’t call me . Now he wants me to travel to meet up with other family members for introduction.
My sister is getting married, so her fiancée said he’ll call us . That’s me and my brother. He called our eldest brother but he didn’t call me . Now he wants me to travel to meet up with other family members for introduction.
I’ve said I won’t show up because I see it as a disrespect. Am I wrong?
Hmmmm call you to do what exactly?_ to take permission to marry her or to inform you? He called your elder brother which is more important traditionally:Please support your sister first, other complains will come later....This has nothing to do with disrespect or not....my two cents is to stop making a mountain out of a molehill.
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NARRATIVE TWO
Is there anything wrong if an uncle pays for our dad's Ambulance and Aortuary bills? asking cos one of our uncle has promised to pay for the ambulance and mortuary bills for our late dad and the burial will hold next month.
We have an account where all our contributions was sent to and my elder sister manages it with myself witting out all the expenses made so far.
We told him the total amount for mortuary and ambulance/undertaker and requested that he should send the money into that account where other funds was sent to but he refused and kept saying we should give him the mortuary account details.
I don't know if there is anything against it by culture. Before we sell our rights unknowingly, we are from the East of Nigeria.
We told him the total amount for mortuary and ambulance/undertaker and requested that he should send the money into that account where other funds was sent to but he refused and kept saying we should give him the mortuary account details.
I don't know if there is anything against it by culture. Before we sell our rights unknowingly, we are from the East of Nigeria.
I think it is more like he thinks the price may have been inflated or he doesnt trust you peole are using the money for what it is meant for....There is nothing like rights here but all about Intergrity at stake oh....
Mkae una give am the account to pay into and make other arrangements.
Wait sef, even if you are from Eastern Nigeria, how does his paying these fees affect your birth right? Can someone educate us on this?
Narrative 2 if you can afford to, pay for those yourself and let him pay directly for something else. You know our people. Tomorrow he’ll be telling people you guys couldn’t bury your father
ReplyDeleteYou know him better. If he’s not like that, then okay you can let him pay direct
There's nothing wrong if he pays,that's his own contribution and support,my younger sister paid for my uncle"s mortuary/ambulance bills, despite the fact that his children are doing well financially,they should show him the gasket too,he will probably want to buy a higher quality , you re not selling any birthright .
DeleteIf na my village na dat your papa broda go buy am nothing dey they
Delete@ Nedi Glamour. It's casket. Gasket is gun. That mistake is delicate.
Delete423
Anon 15.08 you just mirrored my thoughts. Please pay for the mortuary & those things because he will use it to talk. Have your lands been shared? Except if he presume that you people are irresponsible.
DeleteThat's will be his bragging right
The most complex B
Please pay for the mortuary and ambulance services yourselves because he might gloat over it in future. Something similar is happening in my family.
DeleteChildren always forget that their parents had ties, friends , loved ones before they came along
Delete@anon 19:12,I remembered,didn't want to delete the comment.thank you.
Deleteposter one your sister's man is not supposed to take permission from your before he wife your sister. Your sister should be the one to inform you about her trad and not her man. Your sister's man has spoken to your elder brother which is very okay based on tradition. Don't let bitterness stop you from supporting your sister.
ReplyDeletePoster two you people should give him the account details and allow him do what he want to do and let peace reign. He may thinking you people will not use the money as expected or you people added more money to the bill.
He’s the one that said he’d call them
DeleteDon’t overlook certain things in this wedding process. Sometimes that’s your final chance to see whom you’re marrying and you’ll regret sometimes if you ignore how they handle it
Maybe this shows he’s not a man of his word or he has no respect for women cause what would it cost him to call the sister he said he would call
People use tradition to act bad
Well said anon 15.24
Delete@15.24 saying he will call them might mean he will call a designate member of the family and in this case, that’s the elder brother. It’s like saying “im coming to see your people”, that doesn’t mean you will see everyone in the person’s family.
DeleteI dislike when people read unnecessary meanings to everything! Sheesh!
16:37 I think poster knows the difference between I will your people and I will call your sister and brother
DeletePoster 1, It is not necessary for the man that want to wife your sister to call you since he had call your elder brother, who is supposed to inform the guys of the call and what needs to be done. So you don't have to be angry or refuse to support your sister because of this simple matter, except you have another reason that you are not telling us.
DeletePlease go and support your sister and complain later.
Poster 2, if your Uncle want to support you guy for your dad's aerial allow him and if he needs the account number for the mortuary give it to him, except you guys have another reason not to give it.
Narrative 1:I don't understand what you meant by disrespect,he already called your eldest brother.If you don't like the fact that he was to call you too but he never did,simply ask why he didn't call you.
ReplyDeletePersonally speaking with the eldest is no issue,your eldest should tell you what was discussed.
Narrative two:In my culture it's not a taboo,infact siblings of the dead usually takes care of some bills towards the burial .
Your uncle feels the bills are inflated,that's why he wants to pay directly into their account No selling of birth right .
May the burial ceremony be successful.
Poster 1: He has informed your Elder Brother traditionally...Why not wait he might call you later to discuss...Is that why you won't attend your sister's wedding? I don't understand why you are sulking...Are you jealous or you just want to be petty...
ReplyDeletePoster 2: Please provide him with the mortuary account numbers. Make una dey relax and don't read so much meaning to things...He has decided to help you; why are you guys overthinking and attaching negative connotations to things...Please thank him and provide the details Bikonu Nne!!
Read yesterdays chronicle to see why
DeleteActing without readin meaning can be dangerous in Nigeria
Our people read meaning and their actions usually mean something
You see this life it's very simple na we humans dey make am complex poster you should be happy that your sister is getting married I don't like this negative energy you showing ,your own flash and blood how do you even define blood ,is this even suppose to bother you as in you won't show up for your biological sisters intro, pls whatey it is maybe an oversight pls be happy and go for sisters intro, there is nothing there your brother has representes d family just glam up and go for the trad biko.
ReplyDeletePoster two you mean in this era you people have a good uncle that wants to pay for some bills for your late dad and your contemplating send that undertaker s account this evening to him ,he wants to send direct send it to him inform your siblings that's how he wants to help shikena abeg make una no dey add problem where problem no dey , I don't know that some families still have good uncles like this why even stretch sensing the account number pls send it this evening inugo
Poster of narative 1 why are you so petty?
ReplyDeleteYou you are not happy for your sister? Because if you are ,the excitment wouldnt give room for all these concerns and anger you are trying to form.
Give way joor, even if you don't attend your input won't be needed.
Poster of Narative 2, there is no stealing of birth right in this thing.
Your uncle promised to pay, allow him go to the hospital mortuary account and even pay directly to the undertakers and hospital.
You should be fine with that.
He simply wants to help and doesn't want any stories.
Still keep a back-up money for those things he wants to pay for just in case story changes. That's all you can do.
This reminds me of 2020, it was a distant uncle that was helping me and my siblings with all these stuff cos I was the only one around, all my siblings were not available immediately due to covid19 travel restrictions and job engagement.
Omo my siblings didn't really have to bother cos this uncle and one other aunty where the ones making arrangements, mine was to disburse funds,supervise, accept or reject or readjust any arrangement they were making that didn't seem like what me and my siblings wanted.
My dad's burial went on hitch free and very smooth, the only problem was the village elders who had issues about where we choose to hold the burial church service, they wanted us to do things in the village but we did it in the town where it was more convinient for us, and it was very ok.
They were the only ones who wanted to create quarrel but we called their bluff and went our way.
Poster another thing to note, you will need all the domestic help available, because like 1week to the burial your countenance no go dey normal, you will be deeply emotional with all the activities, food is the last thing you want to prepare or even eat,or even domestic chores,,, many things won't matter to you anymore. So keep trusted extended families all around to help with these stuffs, infact our house became home for our relatives who helped out for like 1month, they were really nice and helpful(but na money sha, cos you gonna feed them all and give them some tips and transport when everything is over)
Burial in most southern, Eastern and western Nigeria is all about spendimg money.
It is well with you Poster.
Simple he doesn't want you guys to squander the money like in the Ibu's case.
DeleteIf really there's nothing to it then give him the hospital account
Poster 2 don't you have kins men that you can ask this question ask them if there's anything attached to someone paying for his brother's mortuary and Ambulance during burial.
ReplyDeleteHe either feels you people inflated the price so he wants to be pay directly;make una no chop am..
ReplyDeleteOR
He wants to pay directly so he would have the receipt and earn the bragging rights anytime as the man who paid for Ambulance and mortuary fees..
Incase if anyone asks what he has done for your family;he would remind you all that he cleared all Ambulance and mortuary fee of your Dad when no one was willing too..
There is no spiritual meaning to what he wants to do,just either of the above,and what matters is that the Dead was laid to rest properly..
Hope this helps..
@MARTINS
Very true martins sometimes don't always have ulterior motives fir doing things. He no just want make una chop him
DeleteMoney na why
Why do I feel the real person you have an issue with is your sister and not her husband? You are just not being honest with yourself or us. Your sister is getting married and the last thing you are worried about is not being called? So he didn't call you but you said he has called the eldest person, right? He said he would call you guys, he meant it collectively and that was a general statement. He wasn't specific about calling you all individually. You seem like a lot of work, honestly.
ReplyDeleteThe best decision according to you is to make your sister pay by being absent on her day of celebration. Talk about cutting your nose to spite your face.
If you go to your sister's celebration you do it for her not him after all you are her blood. Your absence will have no huge effect on him like it would on your sister. So stop thinking that by being absent you are proving a point to him.
I think you should just come out straight instead of hiding under his actions which deep down you feel was encouraged by your sister. I think the anger you feel is silently directed to your sister and not the husband-to-be because you feel your sister would have directed him to call you or asked if he had called you if she deemed it important and the fact that he didn't call you make you think it is her fault because your sister did not make it mandatory for him.
You seem like you have an ego issue. kindly work on it and learn to focus on what is important in life. Are you and your sister even close?
Please if you know you will go and start giving an attitude to the groom kindly stay back else he will start seeing you as a domineering SIL.
Words on Marble.
No just mind that Chronicle 1 sender! Petty human being. With siblings like that, who needs enemies?!
DeletePoster 2. Let the man pay, he just wants to show last respect to his brother. Stop reading meaning to it. If you didn’t inflate let him do what is needful after all whether he pays into the acct you created or into the vendor’s acct. You all know the amount and the things he picked . Do you people just want his money and not say what he paidfor, to show gratitude, who hides to collect donation . Appreciate your uncle and be grateful that in this Tinubu era someone is willing to foot bills
ReplyDeletePoster one, so because he didn't call, you won't attend your sister's introduction. That's pretty. Even though he said he will call you, maybe events have taken over or he honestly forgot.
ReplyDeletePoster two, send him the mortuary account details, my Dad's church paid for the mortuary, ambulance and casket, not that we weren't capable at the time, they chose to do it because that's how they honoured their member in death.
Folks can really get worked up over simple things. The mind and its capacity to run away without logic is frightening. So because this man did not call you that will be the cause of you not supporting your sister. The battle you want to fight and the war you want to wage is without honour. Set those ppl free and go support your sister. You have done worst before God and yet God is still standing with you.
ReplyDeleteBV 2, just ignore him and pay the amount on your own if you’re able to, have no more conversations about the bill. If it comes up, just tell him that it is already paid. If he pushes and ask why, tell him that you were planning a funeral and you had no time for any extra work. I hate ppl who want to create extra work for others during stressful times. Go clear your father’s ambulance and mortuary costs and stop listening to that uncle.
1. Be happy that she's getting married
ReplyDeletePoster 2, if you are all girls, do not allow him pay. I am from the east too, in my place if a man dies without living a male heir, whoever pays for his burial, traditional becomes the heir
ReplyDeleteThen she needs to ask their kinsmen about their tradition, because I'm from the east too and it's normal for relations to show support in cash or however they're comfortable with, not like the uncle is footing the total bills for the burial.
DeleteAnother angle poster are you all girls ask you other relatives,if it's not send the account number to him
DeleteChronicle 1
ReplyDeleteThe Fiancee said he would call you to discuss what? To seek permission to marry your sister? To plan the events of the introduction ceremony? To introduce himself formally, meaning you have not met or spoken at all with the man who intends to marry your sister? Many questions.
Well, in some sides of Nigeria, once the father is met, he tells the suitor who to meet and discuss with. Where the father has passed, and the Uncle or the eldest son is met or discussed with, it is deemed that he would carry his siblings along on all related matters. But if the oldest child in the family is a female, courtesy demands that she be met/discussed with too.
In some family where the eldest child is a male with ego, Poster's " I no come becos he no call me gra gra" would be taken as an insult by the eldest child/son and treated accordingly
So, long as it is a simple traditional ceremony, fulfilment of the basic traditionally required (speaking with the eldest child/son) should satisfy everybody in the family, except of course, a ...
Poster, if I were you, I won't sweat this issue.
Happy ceremony. And no forget to return with update of joys of the day o. No be only don stories we want dey hear here.
Poster 2, please do not allow him pay! Please, I repeat, do not allow him pay any money. Just manage yourselves and make sure you have enough cash to cover most tangible things. Thank you
ReplyDeleteEUM Cali
If you are from the eastern part of Nigeria, then your uncle may be up to something that may not end up in a pleasant way.
ReplyDeleteBe happy for your sister.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, he doesn't have to call you before you can attend your sister's wedding.
ReplyDelete1st poster, I don't know why you people like reading meaning into every little thing especially when someone around you wants to get married. Please focus on your sister and leave her fiance out of it's giving jealousy vibes
ReplyDeleteTell he to tell him you’re still waiting for his call oh
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you and your siblings should handle all the basics like mortuary, ambulance, casket etc. So that one uncle will not come tomorrow to claim that he buried your father. I am from the East and this things happen every day.
ReplyDeletePoster two are you all girls because in igbo land a man without a male child and man that buries him takes possession of his land if you have brothers then send him the account number no shaking
ReplyDeletePoster 1 which yanga be that,he don call your elder brother,I beg go your sister intro make them nor look you with witch eye o.....
ReplyDeletePoster 2 let your uncle pay the money into that account,must he itemize what he wants to use it for....2moro he go use am curse una o............. Josaria
I didn't see any case in this 2 chronicles
ReplyDelete