HUSBAND ABSENT WITHOUT LEAVE
Greetings to you Stella and my fellow bvs......
Greetings to you Stella and my fellow bvs......
I'm a mother of two kids, my husband traveled out of the country since 8years and has not returned..... nobody knows if he's still alive or not.he doesn't call and i have prayed and fasted still there is no sign to know if he's alive or not.
People have gossiped and mocked me, my people told me to move on when his journey was 2years but i refused..I am hoping that he will come back, Stella i am tired.
My children are out of school and nobody to help me
He's family doesn't ask about the kids and my mother inlaw told me that after all they are female that i should train them that they are for me.
My sister that was helping me is tired beacuse she the one taking care of our aged parents ,I won't even blame her cos the load is too much on her.
My business has packed up beacuse of funds....
People are telling me to enter street but how can a mother of two enter street i don't know how to do it
I'm speaking out now because i am losing it already.
People are telling me to enter street but how can a mother of two enter street i don't know how to do it
I'm speaking out now because i am losing it already.
Madam, your husband must have remarried and cut you off....... Stop waiting for him and even if you dont move on with another man,Please forget about business and get a small job to help yourself...You are a woman and therein lies your strength, you dont need to wait for a man before your children go to school... So since 8 years that he left, you cannot make any progress and waiting for him? If i am the man i will not retuen to you sef... Go and make yourself better so that when he returns he will be proud ofyou madam!!!
You have hands and legs and you have been waiting for a man for 8years...You didnt say you miss him or love him, you are waiting for him financially!....
Move on please. move on and better your life...
If you eve date again, you have a right to do so cos it doesnt look like he wants to come back to you!
I am sorry to be so hard but this is the painful truth.....MOVE ON!!!
Hmmm Stella this your response carry weight. Nigeria no be abroad ooo if she had moved on the man family would have come for her neck. Madam since it is like this dust your self and move on knowing that you have giving him enough chance to prove himself. Imagine what a grandmom is saying about her grandchildren it is well jare. Nigeria is so messed up that the women is receiving the burnt without mercy. Just try and revived yourself put your kids in govt school for now pending when things will stabilized.
ReplyDeleteStella’s response is okay because this chronicle is upsetting. 8 good years and she claims not to have heard from him. Ko possible. She needs to come forth with the entire story. The man’s family knows his whereabouts. It’s either he has been sending upkeep money for you and the girls and his mom has been holding it or the family has been filling his ears with stories about you and he believes them and has moved on but either , you have a right to closure. Tell your parents to have a meeting with them after which you can return your brideprice comfortably and move on.
DeleteHow are your girls doing? How old are they? Like an eagle, keep a close eye on both of them. Try not to carry out any form of frustration on them because it’s not their fault that an adult decided to act immature.
Like Stella pointed out, it’s time to dust your cv and get a job. Let the words mockers be your strength of motivation to stand tall and their words will come back to them. Goodluck Ma.
Very very backward mentality. If everyone is a man in naija, who will help carry the child and give birth and care for the children?? This so called girl child most times take care of their parents at old age!
DeleteThis is why so many women have low self esteem. Because these yeye parents that shd encourage and uplift their self confidence!! But noo na to talk shit about girls/women.
"The man’s family knows his whereabouts."
DeleteVery well said.
Or if they do not know and apparently do not care, why would they care about his wife or children?
Madam sit up and start looking for job. Try nurture those girls in.l the right way. Be focus, and you can rise above your struggles. Even if its to start selling akara every morning.
DeleteIf you get a job whether cleaner or nanny work in a school, after you close, fry akara in the evening. Gradually you will see God's finger in it.
DeleteYou know what I noticed about men? Once they are tired of your body maybe u have given birth and its no longer the same the purposely start maltreating you!
DeleteDo u know why? So u will get off them and stop bothering them so that they will live that life they want take this truth to d bank
Take Stella's advice @poster. Get yourself a job. Kai!
DeleteThe guy might be in jail for drug trafficking...
DeleteThe man isn't immature
DeleteHe is a mean man
Stella at least financially see children responsibilities
If I am your mother in law with the way you have portrayed yourself, I may also be weary of the offspring you raise too especially since female too like you. Ypu seem lazy and lack basic survival instinct or common sense. Don't be a liability for your daughters, make yourself a mother they will be proud of and others be proud of them cos of you. Its your only responsibility as their mother.
DeleteEven if her husband was around, her attitude is still not good. A woman must be able to provide for herself and her children, husband or no husband.
ReplyDeleteDani
Madam move on and get a job to support yourself and family
DeleteDear poster please listen to Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteJust take Stella advice, that is the bitter truth
ReplyDeleteAs in a bitter truth, poster move on.
DeletePoster please,get a job first. Most business's returns are not enough. Even if you enter street,nothing dey dere. The Lord is your strength. 🤗🙏🏻
ReplyDeletePoster please,get a job first. Most business's returns are not enough. Even if you enter street,nothing dey dere. The Lord is your strength. 🤗🙏🏻
ReplyDeleteBusiness is bad in this present economy
DeleteThis is so sad.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that his family, at least one member of his family knows where he is. Maybe he truly isn't coming back and they are waiting for you to slip and use that as a reason.
Please endeavor to do something for yourself and your kids
Of course they know where he is. He is well and alive. If not they would have mentioned that to her. He’s probably sending them money so they won’t say jack. Trust Nigerians and free money. Best thing is to move on poster.
DeleteIji okwu, his family knows his where about.
DeleteMadam be strong and stop waiting for somebody to take care of you.
I'm a single mother of two doing every thing I can so my children doesn't suffer.
Street no dey fear you??
I know moving on isnt easy especially if that wasn't in your plan from the onset has a woman,but you need to really move on now not necessarily starting a new relationship.
ReplyDeleteI will suggest you look for a job that would still allow you do petty business because as it is,you have only yourself and your kids.
I pray helps locate you.
As a woman*
DeleteNo one plans bad things for themselves, madam you are a widow, please review your life as one immediately .
DeleteChai, Sorry for your ordeal madam.
ReplyDeleteHe may be in jail or something.
May the Lord strengthen you and give you wisdom to forge ahead.
I wish you the best.
Jail occured to me too or he has moved on coldly, selfishly and thoughtlessly
DeleteMadam get a job
8years
ReplyDeleteHmm OK o.
Continue waiting.
Go get a job if you have any certificate, then add any side hustle to it.
Or start food business.
Put your kids in public school where the fee is less, stop looking at private schools, most of them don't teach anything.
You and your girls will be alright.
May God send you helper and husband(not that animal that left you)
Madam, assume that he is dead and carry yourself up. Your sister has right to be tired because you are not disabled. You don't seem eager to help yourself financially.
ReplyDeleteLook around you and see women struggling to train their kids.
Wash clothes, clean houses and hawk raw pap and become useful to yourself and children.
You are wasting away and your children won't applaud your excuse in the future if you fail to give them basic education. Government schools are FREE.
My dear Move On
DeleteGuy Man has Remarried ooo
It is well with you
I pray for Divine and heavenly help to Locate you In Jesus Mighty Name🙏🙏🙏
Government schools are not free anymore, but they are cheaper than most of the private schools.
DeletePoster, please take to Stella advice.
Madam please you have tried in waiting for him, move on abeg.
ReplyDeleteSometimes business is not for everyone, if business didn't favor you, you can look for a job no matter how little it is as Stella rightly said!
It's well with you.
She can do nanny
DeleteShe can do nanny
DeletePoster you need closure
ReplyDeleteWrite his name and location in the comments and let BVs help you find him. You don’t know his circumstances so when you want to move on one mind tells you what if she’s out there and coming back. Let us work together to answe that nagging question once and for all
Abeg posters problem is the lack of expected financial support from the man. I on't think the issue is what we think, you can be waiting and working and taking care of your daughters and even develping yourself. Your problem is poverty not absentee husband really. Laziness abounds in poster so she sits down doing nothing and counting 8yrs. Expecting sympathy and hands out from people. Continue.
DeleteStella..you push me harder!! Thanks
ReplyDeleteLet imagine that he is dead God forbit o. My dear pls move on .
ReplyDeleteHis family knows his whereabouts, take this to the bank! They know. His mom telling you to fend for your kids coz they are girls, is a red flag and a hint that you ain't wanted no more and that should have propelled you to make them girls proud, rather than waiting for the runaway father.
ReplyDeleteThat man has remarried since. She should move on. The family is aware of everything.
DeleteFamilies who aid and abet evil
DeleteCover up evil men no dey miss their reward
satanic loyalty
Go watch the move titled "GONE" by Daniel Ademinokan and Stella Damasus.
ReplyDeleteYou might get gain a fresh and insightful perspective about your hubby's whereabouts.
Your husband may have moved on with another woman or incacerated (jailed) for an offence; and his family members may be aware of his situation.
I met a woman years ago whose husband was jailed for many years in Ametica. It was a dilemma that she could not decide on what to do.
Seek God's face for direction if you are a believer in Christ and act accordingly.
All the best.
Eni
I pray help comes your way.
ReplyDeleteIf it does please start food business or like Stella said look for a job cos if he's dead, you will still fend for them.
God will see you through
What his mum said should light up the fire in you to take up the responsibilities of your kids. Forget about him, his people and hustle legitimately for you and your children. You won't regret it. It is well.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for a man for eight years is quite an age. A lot would have come to mind during this waiting period: "Is he in jail?" Is he dead?" And has he moved on with another woman? But sincerely, if he were alive, he would have made contact, even if not for you but for the children.
ReplyDeleteMy advice for you is to move on with life like others have said; get support from your sister to start something rather than her taking the direct responsibility for you and the girls, even if it's a loan.
At this level, you do not need a man to financially support you, except the ones that love you genuinely without asking for the "cookey jar" in return. May the Lord strengthen you.
Lawyers in the house. Is this sufficient grounds for divorce? I mean this is a clear case of spousal abandonment. And yes, the husband is alive and the mom and family knows where he is. No mother can be that unbothered.
ReplyDeleteThis is a clear reason why I strongly believe that a woman must have her own! You can't be caught depending on any man or anyone indeed. As a mother, even moreso.
The poster is clearly failing her children. Madam, get something doing. Folks telling you to 'enter street' makes me suspicious of the circle you keep.
Your husband has failed you and the kids. You can't afford to fail them as well.
It is more than sufficient. I knew someone in a similar situation in the early 90s before the era of internet & cell phones. The man left her with two kids. Sadly she waited and waited and I don’t know what caused her death. Sadly I heard she is gone. She was heartbroken, had lost her self esteem and while she took care of the kids, the man did not get in touch and the green card never went through.
DeleteTo those married to Nigerians in America from a long distance, the immigration system here is broken and some do not know how to tell their wives there is no pathway to green card or citizenship for him not to talk of the wife. He may be married to someone else or may be in trouble. 8 years is too long in this digital age to not contact your wife and children.
There is free WhatsApp with public free WiFi everywhere here. You don’t need to spend on data if you don’t have money. Go to a public library or somewhere to get in touch at little to no cost.
Secondly are you sure he is ok and not in some trouble? Just saying because he could be in trouble. I wish his family will explain so you as he may be in touch with at least someone there.. I hope you did not put your life on hold waiting for him. If you did, get back to work school. God will help you!
I am very sorry for what you are going through, it is obvious you love your husband and dreamt of growing old together.
ReplyDeleteDepending on how he travelled, if he went through Libya, he could have died, many ppl have died on that route. However, the statement made by your Mil gives me cause for pause, it appears she may know something. A whole grandmother not caring about her grandchildren says a lot. You are on your own. Start praying for yourself and your children. Go declare your husband as dead through the office that deals with such. I believe after eight years with no communication or sightings by anyone, legally you can divorce without his involvement. At least if you declare him as dead, you will be able to claim widow’s benefit and help yourself and the children.
Again, start praying for yourself, your children and your family. You will have to devise a plan for survival. Reach out to agencies, charities, and NGOs to see what is available.
Which love?. Poster is just lazy if not she wont menton street sef. How did you deduce love from the post? Long hisses! You go love wetin no love you for 8yrs now, even the way the man's family regards her, my dear no love here please. Its fear of the unknown. There are many positive ways the chronicle could have gone.
DeleteI empathize with you ma’am. Your story sounds believable because of the situation of the country + there are a lot of uncaring people these days. Also, it sounds unbelievable because you didn’t mention the country your husband traveled to or if he ever called you. At least you’ll know the phone number. You never made mention of any of your husband’s friends who could have known about his trip when he was leaving Nigeria. No social media and not even a call at least once. Anyway, madam Stellar, if there is any way you can very this story, I am pledging 100k for her. I remain anonymous and would send you an email on how to transfer the funds.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. That man can be found.
DeleteHe traveld to India and the phone number he was using to call stopped going that same year he traveld non of he's friends here has heard about him, sometimes they will call me to know if i heard from him.
DeleteHe doesn't have any social media account because he's not that educated he's parents sent him to learn a trade he's just an ordinary man that went to look for a grener pasture
Thank you
Poster...I can tell you categorically that your husband is in jail. It's funny how most posters here believe that every man issue is all about sex...marriage etc.
DeleteNo man will have two kids and abandon them without a trace unless there was an issue with the mother of the kids.
Your husband is either in Jail or died in jail.
His family possibly k ows he is in jail and maybe he has instructed them not to tell you he is in jail.
The only thing you can do is....ask his parent and siblings if they k ow if he is in jail.
If no good response....just try and get a dissolution of marriage.
Plus I am sure you could not have stayed alone for 8 months without sleeping with another man. So why not dissolve and do it with your full chest.
Anon 8.52, you just type anyhow. You can tell her categorically, maybe you don't know the meaning of the word categorically indeed. You are telling someone else categorically about her husband. Some of you don't even know what you will eat for the next meal but you beat your chest in another man's matter. The effontery!
DeletePoster, did you go to the Nigerian high commission for India to report your husband missing? The sad thing is that because they are a cremation based nation, if he died they likely already cremated him.
DeleteIf they have no report of him, which may take a few months for them to confirm with you. If they cannot locate him then proceed with declaring him dead so you can get whatever benefits the state has for widows and fatherless children.
May God see you and your daughters through
Stella I agree with the part where you advised the poster to move on but TOTALLY disagree with the way you disparaged her for not having something doing and even went as far as saying her husband that has gone AWOL will be ashamed of her too if peradventure he resurfaces. Who on earth needs the validation of a man who abandoned his wife and kids for 8 years and stayed incommunicado? It's not easy getting a job in Nigeria of today.
ReplyDeleteMy dear Poster, I hope your husband even got to his supposed destination and is even alive?
Like I said, it's not easy getting jobs in Nigeria, starting a petty business will suffice for now, or if you live in a town where you have PWAN, the property developers, you can register free of charge with them to be a marketer and earn a sizeable commission selling land. I know a lot of women with children working for them.
At this point you get anything that puts food on your children's table. It's easy getting a job in Nigeria na we de fins civil service work wey we no go go but go collect salary and pension. The average non-lagos Nigerian has no work ethics so they are barely employable let alone keep their jobs. Poster should go work with caterers those ones even give them food home at time, clean, wash, be a maid, waitress, let her get off her butt and go cater to her children please.
DeletePoster please follow Stella's advice. Na the man life you come? Try get a job, no matter how small at least to put food on the table and if it's to send your kids to public school, do so once you start making small change. Funny enough , the family might probably know about his whereabout but keeping it from you. It's better you move on.
ReplyDeleteHaba Stella easy na, una go preach to speak out, una go still blame the person. Poster i put you in my prayers
ReplyDeleteThe lord is your strength .
Amen.🙏🏾
DeleteSo becos they say speak out the responses should all be hugs and kisses. Some of these relies are life lessons and not all comes in red bow and party packs
DeleteI just think that you should be busy with many things, whatever you can do to help yourself and the children no matter how small. What is the idea of going into the street? Cars drive so fast in the street and may hide you. There are many side hustles to learn turn yourself in and learn them even if you don't make lots of money you will be satisfied.
ReplyDeleteOh the issue of law not recognizing the right of the nigerian woman is the worst thing that can befall a female in Nigeria. Madam thank you for being patient and waiting for the man. May the good Lord uphold you. For every family out there who support their son doing evil, May the good Lord judge you all. In the main time, look for something small to do. Pls do not enter street. Let your girls see that their mother was able to do something despite having nothing. Let your girls know that there is dignity in labour. God bless and keep you.
ReplyDeleteThank you kwa! Yimu!! Abi you know something about the man?
DeleteIf she likes let her enter street na, since she cannot use her tongue to count her own teeth why wonder she is in this kind of predicament then.
DeleteAMEN in Jesus mighty name 🙏🏿. Too much wickedness 😢
DeleteYou must be very stupid. She said they are advising her to enter street. Was it her idea? Judgemental mofos
DeleteDear poster, you're children are your greatest blessings and the best you can do for them is to win for them......
ReplyDeleteThe husband you've not heard of for 8yrs and his not bothered about his children, you shouldn't wait for him nah
Poster you are a lazy woman who is looking for who to throw money around you, sending you money while you sit at home doing nothing. You better wake up to reality and tell yourself the truth that your husband does not care about you with your children.
ReplyDeleteStart hustling from today to take care of your children, forget going to your in-laws for any assistance and face your children. They don't want anything to do with your children cos they are girls. Free his family too and make use of your time to train your children.
I'm not lazy. My business packed up last month beacuse of the present economy despite that i still go out put food for myself and my children, you don't know me story so don't call me lazy
DeleteBut she said she had a business. Could it be that she suffered a depression because of not knowing what happened to her spouse? This is a terrible situation for anyone to face and I do not know how I would feel if the man I committed to and made a life with disappeared without a trace, this is enough to send some ppl into a severe mental breakdown. It is right up there with a parent not knowing where their child is and have not heard from them in eight years. How many parents could just put it in the back of their minds and move on like nothing happened. I think most would be distraught and affected for everyday of the eight years.
DeleteI don’t think this kind of sender deserves harsh criticism. Whether he is dead or has intentionally abandoned her and the children, that shit has to cut like a knife. No matter how strong anyone is, this is a painful experience. I wish she and the children all the best.
Hurt people hardly move on like nothing happened. Point is she needs to cater to the children she brought to this world biko. It stopped being about her about 7yrs ago truly, depending o. The ages of the children involved.
DeletePoster don't mind this stupid excited courtesy what what the hell she calls herself. Fool, a lot of you are worse but will be yarning rubbish because others bring their stories here.
DeleteGet your hands dirty, do any legit job. Assume that he's dead. Please don't let your children suffer because the sperm donor and his family chose to be unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteBut she has clearly been trying na
DeleteStella please be calming down small. Nigeria is not like abroad where you can get work easily. Dear poster, Nigeria is so hard right now and it's biting hard on everyone. I pray your business kicks off or you find something better to do
ReplyDeleteIt's even the hardness that creates opportunities. Na who get pride de hungry for bad economy. Get anything to do please.
DeleteMadam move on,maybe he has been talking to his family,Ma Stella this story is similar to that of a woman her hubby travelled out and blocked her but he was still in communication with his family and the mother inlaw was making so life unbearable.. poster are you the only one worried about his eight years disappearance or his family too?from their reactions you will find out if he's still alive or death:maybe he's in the arms of another woman.
ReplyDeleteMove on madam and move away from his family.
ReplyDeleteHow can one verify authenticity and send small support to this poster for the holidays?. Nigeria is hard as it is….. I can imagine struggling with two small children alone. I won’t judge you because I know what it is to have no help and to be at your wits end.
ReplyDelete