ADVICE NEEDED ON CHOOSING A SPOUSE
The last 4 weeks haven’t been very interesting for
My ex broke up with me exactly a month ago
I decided I cannot continue to lick my wounds so I put myself out there straight up because I always lick my wounds till we get back together but this time no way.
A week later a guy toasted me and he is a great guy but a few things missing for me, which are he drinks and smokes moderately. He also isn’t a man that prays but is a Christian but I come from a Christian home where we believe in praying so you don’t become a prey. I’m also not physically attracted to him but apart from the above he is everything I have ever wanted in a man and has everything I want a man to have.
Our connection is fire that you would think we have know each other a very long time ago, he hides nothing from me, he has introduced me to all his friends and tells me everything. He wants to get married to me early next year. I told him about my ex he said he doesn’t care that he ain’t going nowhere and that’s on period
Today a guy I was talking to back in 2020 messaged me and literally told me he still has deep feelings for me and wants us to be in a serious relationship. He said he is crazy about me and finally summons the courage to tell me awooooo
I’m still speechless
What does a girl do please?
Today a guy I was talking to back in 2020 messaged me and literally told me he still has deep feelings for me and wants us to be in a serious relationship. He said he is crazy about me and finally summons the courage to tell me awooooo
I’m still speechless
What does a girl do please?
Marry the one whose connection with you is like fire..
Marry the one who tells you everything...
I know some BVs might say you should not marry a man who smokes and drinks..Dont mind them, smoking and drinking is not a sin.......
Whatever is your natural red flag, DON'T ever ignore it oh.
ReplyDeleteJust remember Obama smokes. It’s a habit is all. It’s not an indication of character. My dad smokes a little back in the day but he has been with my mom for over 45 years and also sole provider so all these don’t matter as much. Check his character and his commitment to you
DeleteI don’t like the whole smoking thing but if you can stand the smell then don’t dump him cause if Christianity
Plus the praying you’re doing even Jesus said how to pray and it wasn’t plenty like we do
Exactly! Whenever you have to overlook, adjust and ignore your 'Don'ts' in a partner just to accept them then that is automatically a tell-tale sign they are not the right ones for you. Sometimes you don't even need to pray because the answer is starting you in the face.
DeleteContinuation
DeleteBecause that is your intuition, your spirit, your senses, everything - screaming and letting you know you are acting against your better judgement but you are silencing it. Sometimes you don't even need to pray. The answer is right there staring you in your face.
Stella smokes and drinks so her advice is expected.
DeleteYOU ARE NOT OKAY AT ALL..... I DONT DRINK AND I CAN SMOKE IF I WANT BUT I DONT
DeleteSmoking and drinking does not defines his character if he do it moderately and with self control. Just go for someone that will give you peace of mind and the comfort that goes with marriage. You can do the prayer for him abeg and he may gradually change as long as you don't nag him. But honestly does type of guys are husband materials o😀, they get free mind.
DeleteHahahaha no be small Stella smokes and drinks. Bvs no go kill person
DeleteLol, Stella and her BVs will always crack you up. How can you say she drinks and smokes like you are sure, when you are not?
DeleteSmoking represents different things to different cultures, in Nigeria people who smoke identify with some certain mindset which may not go with yours as a christain, he may not be a bad person but he is likely also not take to morals that strongly. When married would you like the sex styles he may introduce to you, will he be faithful, what type of friends does he keep? etc. Marriage has nothing to do with wedding dress that so much excites women, it is a serious business.
DeleteIf you ain't attracted to him, let him know so he can get another babe, his own babe that would be attracted to him. Meanwhile you can still be on the lookout for your kind of man, don't settle for the available because the desirable is unavailable.
ReplyDeleteOn point.
DeleteHer body is craving toxicity. That’s why she’s not attracted to peace. Meanwhile, poster please make sure your man is not a married man. Na their mode of operation be this oo
DeleteDON'T IGNORE YOUR RED FLAGS
DeleteA praying man is a green flag
A kind man is gold
A gentleman is platinum
A man who truly fears GOD (not an actor pretending) is priceless
20:12 is right about the man being married. Poster be watchful. He may be married. Those things he revealed to you will make you feel relaxed believing that he has told you all you need to know. My dear there are so much more that you don't know about this guy. That's their trick, you need not to loose guard because you feel he tells you everything. I have had this experience before.
DeleteMehn christians need to be flogged seriously 😒😒😒.
ReplyDeleteWhat values has this got to contribute to your christian journey.
Somethings you'd never see anyone from other religions condone is always what christians will condone.
Smh 🙄🙄🙄🤦🤦
We are are not perfect but God bless you for saying the truth.doing it doesn't make the truth must not be said.christians are using their hands to make ehn..let me stop here.
DeleteAnon 15.07
DeleteGoing to church, repeatedly calling Jesus' name, and praying endlessly doesn't make one a christian. A christian is someone who follows Christ; someone who is Christlike.
Na we dey name sin pass, yet we can not keep the commandments God gave us.
Delete17:34 how is the new guy Christlike from what she described of him?
DeleteThe drink and smoke is not the problem for me. But you said you’re not physically attracted to him. Have you moved past that. Are you now attracted to him. Do you want to marry him as much as he wants to marry you?
ReplyDeleteIt seems you like the one that just reached out from 2020
Take your time sis. The one who smokes does share the same value with you. You think he tells you everything abi? The second one just reconnected so it's too early to rate him. Have an open mind. Do your research. Do not ignore red flags!
ReplyDeleteShe has only known him for 3 weeks, I am not sure what she thinks she knows in that time span
DeleteDear poster, take your time and study them both. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you and it shall be well with you
DeleteDear Poster Don’t be in a hurry inugo? This is a lifetime decision so kalm down small and date them. And then you will be free to decide
ReplyDeletePeople mask their real character at the beginning. But when they get comfortable. They truly begin to show who they really are
Zendaya
For me smoking and drinking is a deal breaker but if you are okay with it, I think you should go ahead and marry him. First, pray and ask God for his guidance before saying "I do" Good luck
ReplyDeleteShe should pray that God should guide her to a man that smokes and drink (harming himself gradually ) ABI, even if by chance she hears God say no, it is you people that label anyone trying to live and righteous life "holier than thou" that will still encourage her go against God. She even said he does not like prayers yet some so called Christians find nothing wrong in it because they are birds of a feather, make Una continue.
Delete16:27; 😘😘😘
Delete16:27
DeleteCorrect
From a health perspective, consuming sugars and carbs, and not exercising or going for annual physical check up, is also a gradual harm to one's health
DeleteMarry the one that gives u rest of mind and loves u more
ReplyDeleteLeave the new guy alone. Continue with your life and prayer life and work achieving your career or scholastic goals.
ReplyDeleteIt is understandable that you want a new romantic experience, but that doesn’t mean you enter what you know deep down is not for you.
I’m the poster and your comment sounds like you know me so well.
DeleteThank you so much for the advice
17:15 that means this is what you wanted to do from the beginning
DeletePoster there goes your answer then. You’re used to being in a relationship. Take your time to heal and work on your career goals because a woman who brings nothing to the table ehn, the man will shit on you. You will see shege and deal with whatever. Exactly what I’m going through even though I still contribute the little I contribute in the house financially. I plan on going back to school sha so I can be financially stable. And just in case this marriage is not working anymore, I’ll be able to leave his ass and still be financially fine. Now I see why some women stay in a shitty marriage. One feels trapped but can’t leave because of no money. It’s mentally exhausting and depressing honestly.
Delete. Now is not the time for a relationship. You’ll know when you’re ready. Follow your womanly intuition and Gods direction. Good luck.
Q: What does a girl do please?
ReplyDeleteA: TAKE YOUR TIME! Stop rushing! Marriage shouldn't even be your top-most thought right now! You're still in rebound-mode!
You literally just ended a relationship, and have only been talking to Guy1 for 3 weeks!
Date both men. Get to know them better. Eventually, you will see that one will stand out more than the other. Or...you may come to the realisation that none of them are meant for you!
It is impossible to "date" both men. Dating is not a game. It is serious business that can lead to courtship. To string two people's hearts along is toying with their emotions.
DeleteShe should actually take a break from relationships for now and just focus on healing so as to have a clear mind on who to date. Right now she’s operating on emotions and won’t make a good judgement.
DeleteWhy should smoking and drinking be a deal breaker for you? I mean the man respected you enough not to have kept that hidden from you. Abegi... Bone dat thing so long as he is moderate about it, Go for him my sister and let something strong develop from there.
ReplyDeleteThey won't tell you but the same bible verse that condemns drunkenness also condemns gluttony yet we don't regard fat people to be bad.
If you are convinced that his intentions are genuine then roll with him. Pretentious and selective righteousness will do you no good afterall, you were most likely fucking when you were with your ex-abi dat one too no be sin?
Smoking is a deal breaker for me and I’m open minded
DeleteI hate the smell
Dog, u dnt get to decide what her deal breaker should be, u dnt know her background. May be she doesnt like the smell of cigarettes, may be growing up she had an alcoholic as a relative and from there she hated alcohol, may be it’s none of the above, it’s just a deal breaker for her, and that has to be respected.
DeleteThe wretched audacity to try to determine what should be another persons PERSONAL DEAL BREAKERS.
DeleteYou seem to me like a religious person and not a spiritual person.
ReplyDeleteIf you are from truly from a family that prays as you claim then I believe this shouldn't be hard for you and you shouldn't have brought this issue here.
As a spiritual person that you appear to be, praying before embarking on any issue relating to your life should be a norm and matters concerning marriage, careers, etc. should never be looked at with the physical eye.
You should go to God in prayer. Set time aside and tell God to reveal to you things concerning each and all of them. Tell God to reveal the right one to you. God who knows the end from the beginning will expose the good the bad and the ugly. People change from good to bad and some from bad to good. You never can tell what the future holds but God is an all-seeing Father. He already knows how your life would turn out depending on who you end up with. Ask God to shed light on the situation.
That’s not scripture
DeleteSeek godly counsel is scripture. Not every time pray. There are principles in the Bible
😅😅😅😅😅 Aunty Stella smoking and drinking is not a sin hmmm it is a difficult one I wish you well but I pray God helps him reduce the habit of smoking because of his lungs
ReplyDeleteAnyin…
The stage you are in right now, that's how most relationships start. With lots of fire till you get to know the real person. That's the honeymoon stage.
ReplyDeleteThat said, my darling the thing is, you have to have some values that you evaluate anything in your life with starting with relationships. This guy goes against your values and you think you can copy? The fire might not always be there but if your basic values are there, he is your friend and you are attracted to him, then your relationship will stand the test of time.
Lastly, when we just get out of relationships, we can be vulnerable and not know it. We allow and accommodate all sorts that we really wouldn't otherwise.
My darling, do take time out to evaluate yourself and what's right for you as a person before you continue so you don't go in and out of another relationship and wonder what went wrong again.
Blessings.
Drinks and smokes moderately.
ReplyDeleteHow moderate is moderately?
People have different opinions and values so advice will be varied.
For example, I absolutely detest smoking and I cannot stand the smell of cigarettes and cigar breath and the stench on clothes is nauseating.
Smoking and alcohol are also not healthy, and are risk factors for pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, lung cancer, Bladder cancer, etc, not to mention stroke and cardiac disease.
Both men are eager to marry you and that is sort of a red flag, to me. Take your time. Vet both properly and since you believe in the power of prayer, pray about it.
Do not be so desperate that you ignore what goes against your principles, like that poster few weeks ago who paid for her own bride price even though the husband was lazy, jobless, and had nothing going on for himself.
You mustn't marry either of this men. Choose wisely.
Only one man is eager to marry her
DeleteNew guy is just talking from afar. He hasn’t come to see her so nothing there for now
Hmm I once dated a guy that smokes weed.
ReplyDeleteHe even tried teaching me, but I wasn't having it at all, I told him to spoke in peace and leave me alone and he stopped trying to teach me.
But I didn't marry him cos of a very clear dream I had.
Poster biko marry that man that tells you everything and who's connection to you is like fire or whatever🤣😆
Poster enjoy o, I wish you all the best.
How were you able to tolerate the stench? My stomach is even turning.
DeleteYou think he tells her every thing because of those things he revealed? 😂 Una never see something
DeleteThe one whose connection is fire should be the ideal one..... If he shares everything with you, you have known him half way also.
ReplyDeleteStella ooo 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
ReplyDeletePoster I will say you should keep both as friends while your both eyes are widely open as you watch each person unfold their true colors. If smoking and drinking is a turn off for you please no need to manage what you are not happy with. If you cannot love when tolerate anyone with their habits please let them be
ReplyDeleteRemember you cannot have everything you need in one person complete, tht only person that is complete is God.
Take your time.
ReplyDeleteI’m the poster please see below for more context
ReplyDelete1) I dated my ex for 4 years on and off and no sec, he doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t believe in marriage so him breaking up with me is a blessing for me and no I don’t want him back at all
2) I am 35 years old and the new man I met is 10 years older than me, I didn’t know he smokes till our first meeting when he started smoking outside the venue when I asked him why didn’t he tell me he said I didn’t ask him, please note we met after 2 weeks of talking on the phone and he practically told me everything about himself so I thought and even the balance in his personal and business accounts, plus the houses he built and owns that’s how open he was to me. I told him I didn’t like it the smoking and Next thing he said was please let me be myself around you so I said nothing further.
I met all his friends over the course of a few days and they all welcomed me with open arms and we plan on going back home to our families in December to introduce each other to our families. All his friends smoke and drink and so does he.
Drinking and smoking in any capacity is a red flag for me. I’m a Christian and praying to God and keep my relationship going with God is extremely important to me. He on the other hand doesn’t pray at all and I have brought it up but he is a Christian and was raised in a Christian home.
Another issue is his demand for sex even tho I made it clear no sex till after marriage. He said he cannot be in a relationship with a woman and not have sec and if I don’t have sec with him he will do it with another then I said that will be the end of us and he agreed that he would tell me if he ever did it that put me right off tbh.
Like I know he is a grown man but firstly I don’t find him physically attractive and he doesn’t even tell me his feelings for me I mean there is a way a man talks to a woman to get her to know his feels at least if I’m not physically attracted to you then atleast know how to talk to a woman. Sec is still not on the table and will not be till after marriage
He is a nice guy and we really connect, we did business together within the first 10 days we met and I made 3m from it but it was all business no free money from him and I don’t expect any free money from any man even if we are in a relationship. Besides he is a very very successful businessman
3) the new guy and I, I ghosted him back in 2020 because I didn’t like his attitude plus I think my ex came back after one of our break and make episodes which was why I was never into him but he is a nice guy and as someone said I should date him to see how it goes
Lastly, I’m doing very well for myself, I have a good job and I make millions monthly plus all the above men are too
Dear Poster. With this first paragraph in point no 2, this smoking, drinking and no-problem-with-premarital sex-man will be a problem for you in marriage. Firstly, the smoking and drinking will really irritate you, considering your values, nature and background. Even without him smoking in your presence, perceiving the smell on him will vex you. His not being a prayerful person will sadden you. If you go ahead, there is a chance he will see nothing wrong with extramarital sex and probably sleep with someone else while married to you. Not being able to do christenly things with him will sadden you (coz you sound like you love God, like me), and even if he follows your lead to do them or do it coz you tell him to, later you won't like that you have to initiate it every time
DeleteLet me use my case as an example. I married someone who drinks socially and no serious relationship with Christ. While I was in labour, I expected him to hold my hand n pray with me but he didn't. At the naming ceremony, slight smell of alcohol when he came to whisper sth in my ear just made me shake my head, like, what kind of thing is this. Since I gave birth, I expected him to pray over baby and I, but nothing. The day he went to church, I knelt in front of him to pronounce fatherly blessings on child and I but he only said amen playfully. It was after marriage he later confided in me that he slept with someone else when me I was doing no premarital seks, even tho I yielded to seks with him on few occasions.
The notable red flag here is strongly rejecting your stance on premarital sex. Be on guard regarding that.
DeleteOkay, you cleared the money part which was what stuck out in your first post even though you did not mention it. Apparently, money is a factor in relationship for you. Understandably so.
DeleteYour additional post shows the man and you don't have the same outlook on life. You both just want to be married. You both are looking at time. And you want to make a point to your ex.
Methinks you are better off as business partners ONLY. Unfortunately, that may not be possible now.
If you are cut out for status, man in the house, non verbalized affirmations of love from the man type of marriage, go on. If you want lovey dovey marriage, wait some more.
If sincere, the man can give you a stable marriage if you let him be who he is. But would you let him?
Before I forget, know that social smoking and drinking puts a man in areas where women are generally found plentiful
Poster, If I don't smoke, drink, go clubbing etc I see no reason why I would date someone who does. Though I would say this is a lifestyle issue but do not forget too, that Christianity is not a religion but a lifestyle so his way of life and yours clashes. Most of the time, People make excuses for themselves and hold others to standards they themselves wouldn't uphold but in your case with this man, it is the other way around. I see no reason why you would hold yourself to a particular standard and let a love interest take liberties you won't even let yourself revel in just for a single day. My advice: Be true to yourself.
DeleteI wonder what people would say If pastor adeboye or olukoya was found smoking and drinking forgetting that the same standard you hold them too is the same standard God expects of every Christianas long as you profess yourself as one.
The issue of sex is a moral one. He doesn't see anything wrong with fornicating and you do, he also demands for sex and doesn't have a prayer life, etc. All of these you cited would be a big deal and a huge red flag for a firebrand Christian. The moment he told you he could never have a platonic relationship you should have drawn a line right there and let him know it is strictly business. I doubt someone like that would also see anything wrong in adultery.
You should have your negotiables and non-negotiable when it comes to what you would allow which helps you determine if you would let a love interest come close.
Non-negotiable's I.e lifestyle;
Smoking, drinking, partying, fornication, nightcrawling etc
Him being a nice guy isn't a prerequisite for a happy marriage with you, considering your core values are being made obsolete with his views and your continuous interactions could make you lose your resolve. The right man would bring out a better version of you that already existed. You will be compatible effortlessly though there would be other areas of adjustments because no two people are the same but it won't be much of a big deal.
IMO, That 'nice man' in your story would fit for a friend and a business partner and nothing more. You want a godly home, and a man who would be your spiritual covering and leader but that man isn't the one.
The new guy you ghosted because you didn't like his attitude back then what makes you think you would like it now?
The only thing I like about guy number 1 was the fact that he didn't hide the smoking and drinking from you. What if he didn't let you know and hid it from you? Or pretended to be okay with waiting till marriage with you only to fornicate with someone else outside while you think he kept himself till marriage like you did?
This is why I proffered prayer before dating anyone because most times people pretend to be who they are not and only the Holy Spirit can reveal who they really are to you. You don't really know people except the side they show you. So Involve God first, before you go ahead with the second guy.
May you get your heart's desire according to the will of God for you.
Poster I don’t care for marrying someone I’m not attracted to. You can start off unattracted but you should be attracted before getting married
DeleteI think you should slow things down and see what guy 3 is bringing. Are you attracted to number 3.
If you’re worried that time is going then #2 is the way to go. He’s ready to marry now
Poster, an extremely successful man does not typically bow to anyone’s wishes. They are so used to getting their way that the last thing they will care about is what some woman’s desires are. You sound like a person of good character and high moral value. If you have preserved yourself all these years, and I am sure you have been tempted, especially looking at your age and the highly sexual world that we live in, if you have come this far why would you want to settle for anything less than the very best. Yes, he is wealthy, perhaps very bright, but he doesn’t make your spine tingle when you look upon him, his habits turn you off and yet, there is something calling you there. Why?
DeleteYou are successful in your own right and live a very comfortable life, but you do not have the man who puts you on a pedestal and adore you, it is that you are lacking, your joy and peace in another, and you are probably questioning God, why you are still waiting after being a lifetime servant.
Since you are doing well, give to those who lack. Have you thought of being a mentor to girls and young women, have you thought of going to the orphanages and giving of your knowledge and expertise, you could even adopt a child of your own right now if motherhood interests you. Since you love God and you have been blessed, forget your dreams for one year and make the dreams of others come through by acts of service and sowing seeds of love. When you start that journey you will go through a deep self discovery and you will come into a better understanding of yourself in Christ. There is also a different level of blessings that open to us when we give and share out of our abundance, and when we do it in a more profound and meaningful way. I hope for you all the happiness that you can handle.
Tells you everything but didn’t tell you he smokes?
DeleteThank you anon 23:31
DeleteYou described him perfectly in your first paragraph as in nothing else to add.
Your last paragraph is what I have been doing for over 10 years and I don’t plan to stop till I leave this earth. It is the reason I’m blessed and why God loves me so much. Infact my dream is to do much more so I’m going to keep praying and focus on that till I meet the man you described in your second paragraph, God has said He will do it but I have waited for so long I’m getting impatient because I’m human and just want to be settled with my own man.
But I know Gods time is the best time so I will rather wait than marry wrong and live in eternal regret
To ‘words on a marble’ and another anon below, I have told him to let’s be friends but he still acts like we are together, he doesn’t create time or want to discuss the situation at all but I have told him my mind by force that let’s just be friends and I mean it.
I have also reduced my availability for him and my communication with him.
Don't marry a man that drink and smoke. It will not end well. Open your eyes, e get why.
ReplyDeleteOnce a lady/man knows you are coming from a certain background that won't accept their anyhow behavior, they show you extra care and kindness to win you over and you his friends will play along because who no want better thing?
ReplyDeleteYou are at a fragile state when you met him, can you take it to God in prayer, He knows him better than you can think of .
Felicity
All I see here is a woman on the rebound. Your emotions are just everywhere.Why not take a break from relationships and give yourself time to heal from whatever hurt your ex caused you. Yes, he is still a factor, that is why you mentioned him to your present man. And for you to also take seriously the toasting from another man while still in a relationship presently, only shows you have your reservations about your present man, that he not Mr. Right.Like I said earlier, why not give relationship a break. Do a thorough and honest self introspection before going into another relationship.
ReplyDeleteLastly, that you mentioned his drinking and smoking albeit trying to make it look not serious, shows you are not happy with it, but maybe out of desperation or a stepping down in values, you are trying to make it unimportant now, but wouldn't it be in future?
Reading your rejoinder, I get the feeling that you are interested in his social status, financial capacity and the business benefits you derive from the new guy.
DeletePlease don't mix business with pleasure.
Keep it moving.
20:02 you guys think everyone is driven by money. She’s just telling you his good sides
DeleteHmmm. This your new man may be a married man & your values & his doesn't match and will be an issue for you.
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
My sister
ReplyDeleteForget rubbish value men
Dear poster you know what's good for you
ReplyDeleteDon't marry that new man. Take time to heal.
ReplyDeleteYou just ended a 4 year relationship, breath!!
You know already that man 1 is not for you, quickly ket him go. No think am oh.
Guy2 - study him.
My husband makes me to hate people who drinks , when he drinks he will do and undo. He even try to sleep with my daughter. Poster am sorry to say this ruuuuuun.
ReplyDeleteAre you also able to leave your marriage? One day your daughter may wonder why you didn’t fought harder to get her into a safe environment.
DeleteThere is casual drinking and then there is drinking to drunkenness. One is a sin and one is not.
Abeg oh
DeleteWe all drink in my family
No one has tried to sleep with anyone
Your husband has an alcohol problem
Is it until he rapes your daughter before you leave that uselessness you call a marriage?
DeleteOh I forgot!
Nigerian women prefer the title of "mrs" more than anything in the world, even if they are married to a living dustbin.
Pity.
When a man drinks and tries to force someone to sleep with him, dont blame the drink please, he has probably raped many times before...People just dont get drunk and start to rape...:The drink brings out the character, so while you are dating a man test so many things before you run in... Even men that dont drink also rape....Rape is a sick chatacter that most people possess, including women who like to be forced to have s#x.......yes there are women who enable this behavior
DeleteThank you Stella, you just said my mind.
DeleteYou are born again and someone who has no knowledge of the scriptures came to you not too long after your breakup... That is how satan programs it. These things happens. Some may even be disguised as best friends of Jesus. The devil will program them your way at your lowest moments. This is the time you need a shoulder to lean on the most so you can easily get over the heartbreak. Things like this happens to believers because the devil will never rest until he gets you out of track. You know say love dey sweet in the beginning baa? Especially as the state of your heart is presently,. Poster, you are very vulnerable at the moment so be careful in every decision you take.
ReplyDeleteWell, in anything you are doing just ensure to use your head. Ensure he is a good man with good conscience. Keep emotions aside and use your head until you get to know him better. That your conversations flows well and he tells you all his secret doesn't mean that there are no hidden traits that will not be discovered at the early stage of the relationship. Don't let desperation lead you into a life time regret. If them knack you or gbensh you(as a believer that you are) @ the early stage of this relationship just know say God go hands off concerning the relationship(except for His grace). If he has not gbenshed you then be especting revelations from God. He will reveal things to you as you play along with the new guys ( the two new love interests) on a plain level- devoid of gbenshing. If you like carry their matter for head too much, na maleria dream you go dey dream, seeing yourself in wedding gown here and there🥱
Besides that, do you have visions and dreams and missions you need to achieve? Can those guys in anyway align with them? I hope they won't kill your visions and missions here on earth; that's very important if you ask me. Marry a partner that will support you and encourage you to remain on the right track.
Who said he has no knowledge of scripture
DeleteDarling, please slow your roll because you are CLEARLY on a rebound. The last thing you need now is a husband. A wise man once said "any woman who says she needs a husband, has no business being married". Desperation will inspire you to settle for anything and overlook almost everything.
ReplyDeleteDid you just state that your boyfriend broke up with you 4 weeks ago? Have you grieved? Have you taken stock to see why the relationship didn't work? Have you tried to spend time ALONE with yourself to allow passion cool off? Honey, how can you have met a new man within these turbulent 4 weeks and you believe he tells you everything? Everything, in less than 4 week? A man walking in his masculine energy? If there's anything like a red flag, this singular fact tops the list.
It should still be in the "chasing" stage not planning for the Altar stage. You are going to ignore all the glaring red flags because you're on revenge mode. You feel compelled to prove to your ex that you are still desirable and you're not going to wait for him to come back. I hope you know you can move on from a relationship while remaining single? If you don't heal from the last relationship, you're going to drag baggage into any new relationship.
The fact that you are considering marrying a man you aren't physically attracted to, says a lot about your state of mind. By the time your hormones settle and your revenge mode burns out, you will look at the man you now call your husband and wonder how you ended up with him. As for as I am concerned, this is not the time for a serious relationship. I don't care if 10 men suddenly surface asking for your hand in marriage. You're not ready, darling, not now. If you feel there's an urgency to interact with a man, know that you are operating from a place of brokenness.
A good husband is a blessing to a woman, not a validation. If you need a man or need to be in a relationship to be happy, you need counselling. Please take time to process what happened 4 weeks ago and heal before you move on. Being single after a break up shows strength. Rushing into the arms of the next guy who says "hello", is the embodiment of weakness. Time is the great revealer, just give it time. The man you feel is the right one may just reveal his true face.
e-hugs and kisses.
Abeg this one na book advice...there is nothing wrong in marrying a man who smokes or dinks please.........All you do is just to observe if the smoking and drinking is extreme and that is where you draw the line, some people marry people who do not smoke or drink but end up doing so along the line...so they should divorce?
DeleteThere is no use is grieving after a break up, the best healing is to move on as fast as you can...the time you spend grieving over the lost affair trying to find out whats wrong leads to depression for some..men do not grieve so why should women...
i disagree with this mentality....I no gree with you at all
try to be giving brutal advice something abeg...
Stella you are street oh😂😂😂 I actually agree with your points. Usually before a relationship officially ends, signs are there that it's about to end, so some prepare their minds already before the final end. That way, they're able to move on immediately. That's what happened to me. Plus, how you mourn a relationship ending at 25 is different from when you're 35. I support her moving on and dating or even getting married. E no mean anything. Life must go on
DeleteYeah but Ronalda's point about her not being attracted to him is solid. Does she love him sef? But then women marry men they don't love and cope. I guess what is important for one is different for another
Enjoying Stella in comments.....🥰
DeleteYou see the One that Smokes ehen if you both end up getting Married
ReplyDeleteAnytime you guys have Serious issue
He will Smoke inside the Room or Sitting Room
That is The Reason I don't Like Smokers ooo
Open Your Eyes, Heart And Head To oChoose Wisely ooo
Except You Wanna Be Casting And Binding
Every Nite
Good luck 🙏🙏🙏
NONE of these men are for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd the part where you said '...he has introduced me to all his friends' I laughed like a hyena.
I know you said you are 35 but you are very naive.
Do you honestly believe that is a criteria or measure of anything or means any thing?
Sane friends who have been introduced to several women ,will hail each accurdigly6,and congregate to laugh out loud as I'm doing at each one's naivety.
My dear focus on yourself. Don't lower your standards because you appear to be scraping the sides of the barrel.
At 35 years old, you need to take a stock of your last breakup like Ronalda advised but don't takema whole year taking stock. Don't even take six months taking stock of it. Maximum is two months and truly move on from your ex.
ReplyDeleteYou are not physically attracted to the second one, then let it go. For me, the critical thing is, does he love God, is he very kind to you. Does he respect you and your opinion. If there are red flags, move on and continue dating. Date and date.
I will advise you to be taking stock and be dating. Date and date and date. Don't rush into marriage now. Get to court the person.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Thank you all for taking the time out to advice me, may God bless y’all real good
ReplyDeleteA few take aways for me
1) smoking and drinking is a no for me in any capacity and with the examples from a few comments here I have taken note so it’s a no for me
2) the comment below spoke to me as it’s exactly what was in my mind because I want a lovely dovey marriages filled with God in the centre of it and a man that prays for and over his family daily so I will wait. Who status epp
“If you are cut out for status, man in the house, non verbalized affirmations of love from the man type of marriage, go on. If you want lovey dovey marriage, wait some more.
3) I will never go back to my ex even if he decides to come back, guy 2 is a no due to the reasons I stated and I forgot to add he is a divorcee of over 10 years
4) the new guy I will not progress anything with him, I will just keep him as friends till he asks directly that he wants to progress then I will make a decision at that point in time
Lastly, I will take some time out of dating anyone and refocus on the work God has placed in my hands as it is my purpose in Him and my vow to Him
Every comment here was spot on, SDK your BVNs are the REAL MVP❤️
My daughter is safe now have relocated her to somewhere else, am grateful for all your advices.
ReplyDelete