Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIRED AND CONFUSED
Please my people help me ooo, I don't know what to do or how to talk again. My 10yrs old girl is driving me crazy! We relocated to the UK last year but she joined us in March this year.
Since she came I noticed that she has become more lazy. She doesn't want to do anything and even after telling her what to do, she will still not do it.
I have talked and talked and beat her even though they said they don't beat children here. I'm really thinking of sending her back before she puts us in trouble although my husband said I shouldn't worry that she will change.
I'm so tired and confused.
Hmmmm My beating a child doesnt make them better, it only makes them grow up in fear and hatred....
Maybe you are trying to do it the wrong way? Have you tried other options? you dont sound like she is your friend....Women grow up mentally faster than young men, in your eyes she is just ten but mentally she is older and revolting that you are treating her the way you are....
Dont send her to Nigeria, it will get worse..
Change your approach, talk to her like she is your friend....take her along in decision making...Use love as a weapon and she will change!
Take it easy poster. How will you send her home? Ahan. Just be subtle in your approach. Beating will make her hardened o and you won't want her to be telling her school mates or teachers you beat her, that will be trouble , hope you know. Just talk to her calmly. She will change.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure, she is not going through a lot in school?
ReplyDeleteExactly. What’s going on at school? Who are her friends? Is she being bullied? How is she coping with the new environment and school? As kids grow parenting methods need to change; especially during preteen and teenage years. Beating her is not the solution.
DeleteChange of environment, missing her friends.
DeleteMadam talk to her like a friend, take her along to shop, ask about her opinion.
Like I don't understand so you are thinking of sending your own 10 years old daughter back to Nigeria to be trained by who?? Madam change your approach towards her.
DeletePlease be calm with her and be her friend.Dont even try sending her back and to who anyway?
ReplyDeleteMadam Poster, I don't think this child is your own or should I say you are not the birth mother of this child and you already have your own opinion of the child that is why you are not thinking of any other solution than to send her back.
DeleteBe a mother and stop seeing her as your husband's child or adopted child, see her as your flesh and blood. What would you do if she were your daughter?
Am not a prophet, but I can see through your post. Don't come here and play victim madam do what is right. Okay
Befriend her and know if she is okay.
Besides she's just 10 years you say. What kind of work are you giving her? Is it beyond her? Check yourself
DeleteAre you sure it's laziness? She seems forgetful. Is she distracted?
ReplyDeleteAre you sure she is not going through any emotional phase. Maybe she has some experiences troubling her mind which makes her mind unsettled hence she can't focus at home? Besides, life changes can be daunting for children as well. You relocated to a new country with her dad and she stayed back. I believe you moved her into a new place - maybe relatives, while you were away then later she moved again when she came to meet her parents. She is faced with a new environment, friends, school and all. Such stressor can alter kids behaviour and takes time for some adjustments to take place.
Are you sure she is not missing her friends at home, bullied in school, bored, or feeling unhappy and depressed.
Instead of beating her, engage in those activities with her then halfway leave her alone to finish the task because you trust her enough to handle it. While checking on her and encouraging her. Build her confidence.
Very very true! Poster take a closer look at that child, it might be more psychological and she's just acting out this way.
DeleteIf she was not like this when you were all in Nigeria, you should find a way to know what happened to her when you left her behind, she might have been treated badly by the people she stayed with or she developed some resentment for leaving her behind.
ReplyDeleteYou need to exercise some patience and build a friendship with her, take her out, tell her you love her, and finish her with hugs. When you earn her trust, she will open up to you, your approach is quite harsh
Don't send a back unless you want her to grow worse
Felicity
Where do u want to send her to? Is she not ur child?... Use another method.
ReplyDeleteChange of environment might be the cause, try and be calm with her, get more involve in things that concerns her. Do thing together with her as it will create more bond and please ask her hope nothing happened to her while she was in Nigeria without you. God help you in raising your daughter.
ReplyDeleteShe is 10 and still a kid. Don't be harsh , pet her while talking to her in a calm voice. Gradually she will pick up.
ReplyDeleteMadam dey beat picking for UK? Lol🤣😂🤣😂. Its like you were not informed. Dont worry dem de soon collect that pikin from you.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle just made me want to beat her ass through the phone
DeleteHas it occurred to you that she may be depressed?
ReplyDeleteYou've relocated her to a new/foreign country - and she has had to leave behind her friends, neighbourhood, close family etc.
She's most likely struggling with the adjustments.
How would logic occur to her. ‘Na lazy di child lazy’. Mtsscchhwww
DeleteYou do not understand life and people do you. Even a one year separation can be a traumatic experience for a child. Then she is thrust into a strange environment and culture and expected to adjust like an adult. Even many adults take a long time to adjust to a new country and culture, some never do. Then you think shouting and beating her is the solution because she has become “lazy” according to you. Lady, children cannot regulate themselves like adults, they lack the life experience and they do not understand why things are happening the way they are. Your actions are causing more trauma to the innocent child. Give her time to adjust, you don’t even know if she is being bullied at school. And at 10 yrs old, which is a very young age, how much you want her to do that you have to beat her into do it. Build love and trust with your child. Sit and talk to her about why the family chose to relocate, and that you understand she needs a period of adjustment. Children are not adults. Stop expecting them to be like grown ppl.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle just pissed me the hell off so much. If a man starts beating your ass it is abuse, but you beating your child for dealing with a highly stressful experience in her life is alright. If not for Stella’s strict rules, you would really read what I wanted to say. Mtsscchhwww
If you're sure it's just laziness, nonchalant attitude and stubbornness, send her back to Nigeria before she put you guys in trouble..
ReplyDeleteBy the time she live with relatives for sometime, she go beg to come back promising to be on her best behaviour
Really???
DeleteDon't worry when you have a child you will understand more.
Where do you want to send her back to? Didn't you think she could have picked up these negative influences after the brief separation? Try other methods like rewarding or restricting certain privileges until her chores are done
ReplyDeleteYou need to find out if she is also lazy at school,could there be any form of bullying or abuse ?
ReplyDeletechange of environment affect children differently,I think you should be more patient,be her friend and keep the communication open.
She might also be missing her friends back home or somethings happened when you left her back iñ naija.
Madam take it easy with your daughter, before you puts your self into troubleooo
ReplyDeletePoster, try and watch videos of compromising parenting style. You have to change approach since the scolding is not yielding result.
ReplyDeleteTALK to her and find out what might be her psychologically state.
You are not thinking of her but yourself. What if she has emotional trauma, sense of loss and not happy about uprooting her from her usually environment.
Above all, seek the help of the holy spirit in this case.
Take her out for a mom and daughter date. Make her open up to you ♥️.
Please, avoid prison. Stop beating her before she informs strangers.
This is tricky.
ReplyDeleteShe could be going through some things you are not aware of.
Be more kind and caring in finding out what the problem may be.
Make her comfortable enough to see if she can confide in you.
Tell her how important it is for her to engage in doing house chores and the rest, let her know is is up to the age of accountability, do all these with love. Don't threaten to send her back to naija.
If she still continues like that then keep pray about it.
It could be a phase.
A 10yr old can clean the house and do the dishes with little supervision. If she doesn't do it and not interested then something is wrong.
Was she doing house chores back in Nigeria?
Maybe she was being Pampered back in naija cos they had househelps amd she felt its not a job she is supposed to do, I have nephews her age who feel house chores is not thier duty but we make them do it by advicing and giving example, doing it together with them.
Try taking out time to do these house chores together with her, encourage her that doing it is a way to help her parents too.
Poster she's still a child, with time she will change.pls still continue talking to her.
ReplyDeletethat means you are not communicating well to your daughter, you are sounding like you are not the one who gave birth to this daughter of yours. I will say you should change strategy with which you are using to correct her.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy on her.
Send her back to nigeria, to who exactly?? Does she have another parents back here in nigeria, i don't understand.
ReplyDeleteMadam pet her and ask for forgiveness for leaving her behind, make her understand.
ReplyDeleteI told my little boy of 6 years that I will travel out and my aunty will take care of them for sometimes, this boy just told me that "mummy if you leave me I will not talk to you again". I froze.
Be close to her, watch films with her, do the chores together.
That's the best way
ReplyDeleteI love your advice
Love at the weapon
Lizzy baby
Madam be careful, that was how my uncle sent his son back to Nigeria from UK, the son became a yahoo boy and refused to return to the UK
ReplyDeleteFrom your Narrative, I guess it's your approach. Make her see reasons she need to do the chores. She has mentally grown, and requires you to be matured when talking to her.
ReplyDeleteMadam engage her with activities where you start and she is the one finishing d task ,if it's plates playfully tell her to take them to the kitchen,you on the water and she wash, while at it start a conversation about things around her say like school,friend,or tell her how you started your life a story in short believe me she will come out of her she'll, do you know that children get bored too.
ReplyDeleteWeekends play ludo, chess, monopoly game,skipping rope, of you have a TikTok account try dancing with her like other mothers do.
You need to exhaust this route to get information and get the playful side of her , she is going through a phase make her your friend, she is a girl oo let her be your best friend , she needs to adapt through you show her you re her mother that wants the best for her.
Don't be harsh on her so she won't shut down and rebel, and once she joins a gang over there otilo,there it's not naija. I dey envy una wey get daughters o na boys full my house pls make her your friend
Our parents felt that beating us and screaming the roof down on us would make us open up to them and be in our best behavior but they were wrong. Their approach only made us withdraw into our shells the more.
ReplyDeletePoster, beating a child who just relocated to a new environment won't help matters. You need to get to the root cause of the problem by being deliberately present in her life (intentional parenting).
Ask her questions like
How she is coping in her new environment
What challenges she's facing
What happened back home within the period of separation
How is her class teacher treating her
Etc
Make her understand the reason for the relocation, just incase she isn't happy with it. Communication is a very effective tool. Use it.
Please have a talk with your child and ask her all that happened when she was left in Nigeria. She was probably violated in one way or the other. Your child could be going through depression, draw her closer and ask questions.
ReplyDeleteI can't even judge you, coz this motherhood of a thing is a very hard work honestly. Please just be patient with her and pls don't send her back to Nigeria she is your daughter, your blood and flesh, no matter what it is the duty of both you and your husband to bring her up the right way and nobody can ever take care of your child like yourself. May God lead you to the right part in this motherhood journey.
ReplyDeleteMadam I understand what you are going through, have been there as a parent too in the uk.
ReplyDeleteShe has started listening to her class mates in school, age 10 to 15 is not good age to relocate children abroad. 2 of mine showed me pepper now age 16 and 13, just continue softly with her so that she don't get you in trouble, she will revert at 16.
This child in the chronicle has been in the uk six months, part of which was summer holidays, it is highly unlikely she is being influenced by any friends.
DeleteIt’s better for the mother to find out if she was sexually abused, or ill treated during the separation. Wasn’t it right here we saw five yr old Victor who was beaten like a wild animal and his father was sending money to the aunt to care for him. Separating from your child is always a risky move and in most cases it is never really ever worth it.