IN LAW BROUHAHA
Good day Stella and fellow BVs
There is an issue that has been a pain in my neck. And it is the issue of my in-laws visiting and overstaying with their children.
I am married for 14 years with 4 children. My hubby is a great guy but you see his sisters: they are so over-bearing. I don’t look forward to holidays at all because there’s especially this particular older sister of his who would not stay in her house with her children but come to stay and practically live at mine. It is affecting me in all areas: financially, mentally, emotionally and every wise.
Good day Stella and fellow BVs
There is an issue that has been a pain in my neck. And it is the issue of my in-laws visiting and overstaying with their children.
I am married for 14 years with 4 children. My hubby is a great guy but you see his sisters: they are so over-bearing. I don’t look forward to holidays at all because there’s especially this particular older sister of his who would not stay in her house with her children but come to stay and practically live at mine. It is affecting me in all areas: financially, mentally, emotionally and every wise.
I love them but you see this aspect, I have tried over the years to be patient and tolerant but the end is not in sight.
I have not had a reasonable Christmas celebration since I got married as it is spent at my house with the same people you practically live with and I do all the cooking and cleaning.
Last year Christmas, they came two weeks to Christmas, stayed till a week after new year. My help travelled to hers and domestic chores almost finished me then resumed the year with so much tiredness.
I have not had a reasonable Christmas celebration since I got married as it is spent at my house with the same people you practically live with and I do all the cooking and cleaning.
Last year Christmas, they came two weeks to Christmas, stayed till a week after new year. My help travelled to hers and domestic chores almost finished me then resumed the year with so much tiredness.
My heart is already beating for this one coming. I have suggested to hubby that we travel for Christmas, his response was “ we are the center of Christmas and so others cannot have Christmas without us”
Now the children have taken over, they take turns to come and stay even inviting their friends over. I have made hubby to see reasons with me but I am being guilt tripped into unacceptability to his family. The most annoying thing is that he is not around most times as he travels for work.
I have used body language yet it’s not working.
I do not have friends, neither do I drink nor smoke or club. I have a business and my home is my space and my go-to place but this behavior is uncomfortable for me.
Before now, hubby’s other sister stayed with me for 7years, then his nephew for 2 years plus and it’s looking like they want to package another person to come live with me. I am tired.
My house helps do no stay because of too much work and they always try to shift my help’s loyalty. Example is this particular sis-in-law made a birthday cake for her without any of them or my help letting me know about it till date, they give her money , she visits one of my in-law on her off days and so on. It was my kids who told me about all this.
I have asked the help to go and I am all alone with my kids.
When they come, they expect to be treated like queens and do not lift a pin . My husband is an only son and the bread-winner. My siblings are all married and we do not stay in the same city so I do not have any family member coming to stay.
I sometimes just remain in my office after close of work just to clear my head because of this attitude of theirs. It is tiring and exhausting honestly. It’s already a depressing situation for me. What do I do please?
Please suggest ways to overcome this issue.
What kind of problem is this? Reading this just put me in a very sad move... Trying to stop this trend can even end your Marriage. Do you have a plan B in sight? start planning for one..
Please tell your husband that it is very very stressful for you attending to the guests alone during Christmas period..
Do you have family you can also invite over to counter them and make their stay unbearable?
You need to start being really mean so that they wont look forward to visitng...Be really really mean behind and be very very sweet when your hubby is there and watch out that no one records you secretly during the mean times...
Abeg itire
Since you know when they will be coming, start telling your husband you have family functions around that time, once they come, just leave the house after 2 days and go to your family to rest a bit, leave your children with them to care for. But I'm afraid how you will do that with your business sha. I hate anything that will stress me with house chores
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Exactly try and look for a reason to go spend holidays with your family too and take your children along. If you still have parents you can go visit them or one of your siblings should invite them over and you can go visit them there.
DeleteI hate stress abeg and I am already stressed reading this chronicle😴
These are the sort of things people should discuss during courtship, not after marriage. Unfortunately, this is just how this family is; inconsiderate. If you protest against it, even though you are right, they will all turn against you, perhaps even your husband. They are just not nice people, but more worrisome than that is them befriending your maids-even baking a cake for your maid and NOT TELLING YOU! YOUR MAID VISITING YOUR INLAWS IN SECRET!! Honestly madam, you married into a dangerous family. I'm so sorry, if I found myself in such a situation, I would either make sure we move somewhere unreachable or I'll consider leaving the marriage, they are NOT GOOD PEOPLE.
DeleteTell your hubby that your elder sister or bros invited you for Christmas, my dear travel with your kids this Christmas.
DeleteIf he refuses, my dear fake sick and travel to where they will care for you small.
If the 2 didn't work, draft a meal time table, share work. Tight your face.
Go out in the morning stay till evening. Cook only when you have time.
Some men don't know how stressful house chores can be.
This is what over niceness causes!
DeleteIf I talk Holy spirit now they will say we have come. But this is one of such situations where you desperately need the Holy spirit's guidance!
That notwithstanding; tell your husband how you feel and start changing things with small small adjustments.
Plan holiday to another state with your children during holidays. Spend one week in a hotel there. Let them come and stay with their brother. With time they will start picking the signals.
That's why one has to start this boundary business on time. Once things cross leg; e dey hard to reverse.
Am so sorry Poster you can drive them by pretending Sick or injure when they around or a day b4 they come, you go as far as getting badaged so you could remain in your room although their stay.
DeleteOr better still ask your sibling to invite your children for the holidays by calling your husband and insisting that they want their children to bond with yours or you invite them, even if you have to pay for the fair just to cover space in the house.
It's well you will be fine.
Visit your own family too or don't you have a family, not everyone can function without their family so get used to being with your own family too or take your children on a holiday to a neighboring country for the holiday and by the way your husband isn't so much of a great guy for not helping you ease your pain.
DeleteJust “fall sick” during the holidays this year . When the don’t get Cinderella this year, they will rethink their plan
ReplyDeleteAbeg o! Be careful what you "fall" in make realness no go follow fakeness.
DeletePoster go and vacation with your children in your family house this coming holiday!!!
DeleteTell your husband you have missed seeing your family members and also that you have an important family meeting this coming festive period at home.
How do you people not know how to demand for breaks when you need it??
If your husband still wants them to come, he can stay home and be their host (you don't need to tell him this).
Start preparing to take that vacation now and don't waver, by next month, let them know you and your children will not be around for Christmas since they have refused to understand body language.
I'm sure they come to your house because they know they can eat, rest, do as they wish, you won't see them if you didn't have much to offer or both you and hubby are struggling.
Hmmmmm don''t ever start what you cant finished. I dont know why people are so insensitive haba. My sis in-law literally begs me to bring my kids over but i sometimes do say no cos i dont want her to be over burden despite her saying it is nothing that she loves it. Abeg people are mean jare. Madam find one place and go for the holidays whether your hubby approves it or not please while leaving make sure you empty the house of any food stuff and any amenities that will make them comfortable. Marriage is not slavery
ReplyDeleteOne thing with me is that I don't start what I cannot finish. Pack your children and tell everyone you are traveling, go spend Christmas with one of your sibling
ReplyDeleteMe too oh, anything that I know is unsustainable for me? I don't bother starting it.
DeleteYou have to put your feet down and tell them you are traveling this Christmas. What nonsense!!! People always take this kind gestures for granted. Sometimes you have to be mean, especially husband people.
ReplyDeletePoster we are in same shoes.
ReplyDeleteMy two sisters and I live in our family here in the state capital. Non of us is working, just doing business to sustain ourselves after nysc.
My older brother lives in another town. During the holidays he will bring his wife and 5 kids to spend the holiday with us. Note, he will just drop 10k to sustain his family throughout their stay. We that are managing will be the one to squeeze ourselves out to fed the 6 of them 3 square meals, all through their stay. Their mum will either go to make her hair, paint nails or bring her siblings to join us in our family is. This is like 16 years of their marriage that all holidays are spend at the family house of two bedrooms, cos my parents reside in our local government and built this small apartment in the state capital for us their children.
After this August holiday I boldly told my elder brother that the burden on us is too. He got angry and he is not talking to us since then.
He knows what he’s doing
DeleteHis wife knows too
He’s collecting his “share” of the house
As you guys live there he comes during Christmas to make you spend on him.
You need to plan to be out when they are around. This is why some people living with their parents join a church. Before he comes, let him know you two have church program this year and you’ll be out on so so dates. Once morning comes, pick yourselves up and go somewhere. To work to your friends house to do your own hair. Just leave the house for them to handle their kids
Me though I encourage my sis to leave her kids with me and go out during the holidays. I’m happy to hold them so she can get a break
N u wan carry burden abeg face front and save your money for your future better still move out of that house.
DeleteNa them. He had the mind to have 5 kids and is now looking for who to feed them with 10k. Your peace of mind and financial stability is more important than him talking to you. He is mad you were bold enough to tell you guys know what he is up to. He will ship them to you guys and play bachelor while you and your siblings struggle to feed them and babysit. He is a user abeg
DeleteHe knows what he's doing, abeg face front
DeleteGod riddance to arrant nonsense, he should continue carrying face, 10k to feed 6 people for weeks? Oluwa o.
DeleteI do not like men like ur husband
ReplyDeleteNne welcome
DeleteMe too
DeleteMe too,welcome back,mummy Alex and Vanessa
DeleteChai, SDK this your advice na helele. 🤣
ReplyDeletePoster, I suggest you start packing your children to your in-laws' places for holidays too. Turn by turn until the holidays touch all their homes. Start with the most demanding sister-in-law.
You will have enough rest during each holidays when your children go for holidays elsewhere, whether you go with them or not.
Your home shouldn't be the only place for all the children to congregate for holidays every time. Other family members should also enjoy the presence of the children.
If she goes to theirs they will still expect her to do all that work as a good wife
DeleteIt's gonna be hard since your husband enables it.
ReplyDeleteExactly,the husband is the culprit and enabler. Change the game for everyone,this yuletide. 🤨🤨
DeleteReading this post has already made me tired, talk more of the person who is wearing the shoes.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, well done. Hugs from me to you. Been there, though not to this scale.
The hard truth?? There is no diplomacy about it oh. Quarrel may have to happen with your husband for you to have peace. Form weakness and tiredness this period before then.
If possible go to the hospital and return telling him you are stressed and the doctor recommended rest. When he mentions Christmas visit, remind him of Doctor's report. IF he insists, change am for am and start crying. Cry well oh. Ask him if he wants you dead.
Turn the table and do right by you. If he doesn't agree, my dear, that Christmas time, just travel. Heaven will not fall. Everyone go dey alright last last. This life na one oh. No use eye service wound yourself.
Cheers...
I like this your comment 💯
DeleteCan’t you visit your parent’s place and stay there this Christmas? I thought couples took turns visiting each set of parents in different years or over the same holidays. Also open your mouth and suggest staying at one of their houses for a change. Tell them it’s about time one of them host Christmas this year, and you get to taste their hospitality for a change. Suggest the older sister do the hosting this Christmas. You have eight weeks to go. Do not allow them to back out, time is sufficient for them to plan and prepare.
ReplyDeleteYou can use style and get your way. Better yet, if funds are available suggest to your husband to do a holiday Christmas. Many ppl spend their Christmas and New Years on holidays at some resort, it actually is restful and fun. Use your head and save your sanity. You can always come right out and tell them that you are doing a quiet Christmas this year and will not be accepting any visitors.
I hate ppl who always want to visit but never want to host and act like your home is a hotel. No, beech, I live here and if you want preferred service go book yourself in a damn hotel and pay for it. Worst they show up with their two dry hands and expect the red carpet to be rolled out for them, hellz no. They are just users.
I prefer hosting to visiting sha
DeleteWhen you host for a day not bad but weeks and month it's tiring
DeletePoster pls tell hubby that you too want to visit your siblings with the children. Try to get leave from work.
ReplyDeleteIt is your husband that has allowed things to degenerate to this level and you are an enabler too. In a bid to be called a good wife, you have allowed yourself to be used and drained. It will be hard to stop now without creating enemies and tension between you and your husband. You have to apply wisdom and think through your decision.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest you sit your husband down and lay down your concern, make him see how stressful the whole situation is to you, suggest he sends them money instead of them crowding your house every holiday period. Seriously, holiday period is actually a time for family bonding, firstly the nuclear family has to bond with each other before inviting extended family members.
Why did you start what you can't finish? You should have put a stop to it a long time ago. These people aren't stopping anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteI dislike sis-in-law who don't know their place in their brother's marriage
My suggestions include :
ReplyDelete1 Plan to travel also during the holidays.
2. Get a cook and cleaner that your husband will pay for their service during the holidays.
3, Employ the service of a caterer that will make enough soups and stew. Bill your husband for it.. Stock the fridge with food and don't cook for anyone.
Inform them that there is food in the fridge.
Help your husband chop his money.. Buy enough food to last the holiday..
Be stern by casually asking tgewhat do we eat. Immediately the person suggest, playfully ask her to make breakfast. 😊
Gbam , exactly that's what you do how can you be attending to a full grown woman with her kids ,they don't assist my problem it's even them preparing birthday cake for the maid like what audacity, na see finish o in your home that's how they will backstab you and badmouth you too cos I know their kind of person throwing you under the bus for them to look good
DeleteMadam your nicess don do e don reach heaven come back, start creating boundaries ozugbo ozugbo immediately and if his children comes with friend as them nicely did you tell your mum you re coming or tell mum to call me before coming respect don finish for that your house , go buy am back if w still dey market imagine every day holiday , but wait o all these while you can't visit your blood sisters and parents for one holiday you re busy entertaining showbiz every holiday for your house, na you no wan wise up as this Xmas it's coming start telling your hubby on time that it is either a lone Xmas with your kids or you re going to see your family . Use sense o na marry you marry you no be beast of burden
The Official @15:56
DeleteFirst I am a man.
You took suggestions 2 and 3 off my keypad.
Madam Poster, if work is the real problem follow suggestions 2 and 3.
But the real issue here is that Poster did not, or does not, or no longer wants her In-laws in her home.
Suggestion 1 is the only option. But it involves a choice between her marriage (or a peaceful marriage) and her space. Her husband will not be happy if his family stop coming to his home as they currently do. He will not be the husband he is anymore
But what manner of men are the sisters-in-law married to.
Me? Allow my children out of my space during Christmas?
Maybe the women are real bad wives that their husbands prefer they be away during such restful holiday.
Anon 19:10,ur last paragraph is so apt
DeleteMaybe a compromise can be they either come for Christmas or new year, not both. That’s too much for one person to handle. Do they even contribute to household needs when they’re at your place?
ReplyDeleteAnother suggestion, I know hubby said no to traveling for Christmas. How about you travel for new year, to change things up a bit. You can even suggest a couple's getaway for you to start the new year fresh and well rested
I don't understand why some of you are advising the poster to lie or travel.
ReplyDeletePoster listen call your husband in the middle of the night from sleep. Tell him point blank that you will never tolerate his siblings excess any longer. Let him know you are a human being too and since he has refused to see reason with you, henceforth you can not longer be nice to his siblings anytime they come and if they continue then you have to leave the house for them to use as their family house. Don't do it behind him.
What nonsense!! Next time they come, be so nasty to them. Don't give them food, don't allow them or their children touch the tv remote. Give the jobs, let them scrub bathroom or forfeit bathing in it. Let them clean windows etc
How to do it is, once you see they want to sit and relax to watch TV or chat, collect the remote and tell them there is so much work that you should all finishe the work 2st then go ahead and delegate something to them without flinching.
It’s cause it’s not easy like you say
DeleteYou have to know peoples marriages when giving advice
I don’t this marriage is the kind where the wife can put her foot down
Abi if they chase her commit will you take care of her
I blame her husband for all of this. He is inconsiderate. Some people go through hell in the name of marriage.
DeleteThank you@16:25
DeleteAll fingers are equal, but not all of the same length.
By the way, not all men want to be woken up from sleep to discuss. For while you are yet talking, the peaceful ones sleepeth off or the other ones waketh up the neighbours to hear what you talketh.
Marriage na one by each. If the matter easy, e no for be chronicle.
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Poster I refuse to believe that your husband is a great guy.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is the cause of your predicament over these years for not calling his family to order.
Even you too cannot speak out for yourself. Rubbish.
I wonder why some married women can't speak out, is it that you are scared of your husband leaving you if you voice out about your concerns over his family members?
This is the same story with my sister, her inlaws use her husband as their sole provider while she and her kids suffer yet she can't voice out cos she doesnt want her husband to be angry, like my mom visited then briefly and she quarelled with all of them including her husband and his parents and my foolish sister was still taking sides with them, she totally denied some things she complained to my mom about her inlaws, just imagine.
My mom just wash her hand and said she will only be praying for her from afar.
If you don't speak out and take action na you go dey suffer.
Rubbish family, Rubbish chronicle
Abeg getat.
Husband no be trophy.
Instead of having such a husband or inlaws I rather enjoy my single life in peace
She wants to be in their good books but this inlaw things is if you don't talk they will take you for granted ,you ll be suffering and smiling
DeleteLmaooo, you Don vex.
DeletePlease you have to fall sick a day before they arrive and it is one that you must end up in the hospital. Talk to your family doctor, you need to be in that hospital for two weeks at least. When they see that you are not tendering to their needs and nobody is cooking for them, they will go back to their houses.
ReplyDeleteWicked people, that must take advantage and I'm very sure they are Igbos, with their entitlement mentality. Married to their own husbands but still believe their brother's house is their own house.
Please make sure you fall sick anytime they are coming and tell the doctor to inform your husband that you don't need anything stressful that will aggravate your health condition.
Just do everything to take care of yourself and put yourself first cos if anything happens to you, they will maltreat your children so bad.
Young ladies, don't start what you cannot finish. It can never be me !!! Poster stop cooking and cleaning after them.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, poster i understand this your story cos I am in the same boat, when you talk it looks as if you don't love his siblings.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby older sis is planning to spend Xmas with her children at my side.
I am still begging my hubby to please tell her it won't work this time around, I have my own business where I have people that sells with me,I pay.
Previous years, I will be instructed to stay at home during their visits and monitor my business from home.
This year, I dusted my CV and started working while still managing my biz, so I don't owe myself again to be available for them, that's why it's shifted to December.
I will make sure, I take no break during the Xmas at work to further convince hubby tell them ,e no work this year.
Your husband reminds me of my uncle
ReplyDeleteHe likes having people in his house
As your husband is father of the group, just tell him what you need to make Christmas
I think you should own it instead of grudgingly doing it. This is one thing that makes your husband very happy so either “fall sick” like I said above or own the hosting with all your might. Start from now to tell him your plans for a great holiday. How you plan to host everyone. Present budget for getting extra help. Cleaners to clean before they come. In fact the thing is sweeting me. I’m like your husband, I love having everyone at mine for Christmas
It’s hard work but I outsource some tthings too and the smiles on everyone’s faces when they arrive and see advance prep made for them is just so cute
In fact let me go start my list for the year
That's the way. When the man sees the bill, that center of the family will begin to loose.
DeleteBut the Poster doesn't want them in her home anymore. Would the billing of her husband satisfy her?
19:26 I sense too that she doesn’t like them much but this is his family and this is also how he maintains his fathership lol
DeleteIf everyone starts going somewhere else, they’ll stay considering that sibling the father or mother. Her H doesn’t want that
Except that house is a very big duplex and I have at least one cook and two cleaners,this can't be me. Never! I like my space and being around too many people all the time gives me anxiety. I can host people for festive days like Xmas or new year but that's it. Why must they come and spend all their holidays in your house and you can't put a stop to it? It's like you are afraid of your husband or you don't want them to we you as a bad in-law? Just know that even with all you are tolerating,they are still complaining about you.
ReplyDeleteTime to change things up. Tell your husband that you need a change this year Xmas and you will be going to spend it with your family. If you don't have any family to go to,carry your children to a hotel for some days and enjoy yourselves. Then the next holiday,package your children to go and spend it with your sis-in-law too. All that your husband talk about being the centre for Xmas is nonsense...if he dies (God forbid) today won't they celebrate their Xmas some other way?
Wait o dem no get husbands, how can they be visiting one family every holiday and their husband don't miss them,even the children are already inviting their friends ,and your maid doing goody goody with your maids madam that's how they will badmouth and say evil things about you ,they will make d maid be seeing you as a bad person dem good people, stand your ground, tell your husband you need a quiet holiday with kids as una get money you no fit go for family vacation alone and if they come you ll be their chef, I no fit o stop doing all those things start giving them attitude in fact stand your ground with your hubby everybody should stay I. Their house wetin sef you never try start today time still dey they re choking you no boundaries nnahh mehn this is too much madam pls start today nobody be fool
ReplyDeleteUr husband is the problem.. He wants u to understand and accept his family no matter how uncomfortable it make u feel.. Hell no..
ReplyDeletePack ur things and go to theirs before they come to urs or u travel to visit ur siblings, lock ur business and take care of ur self. . Tell them out rightly that u are tired, let anything that wants to happen, happen.. U and ur husband will still settle it.. Stop put them and their feelings above yourself
All husbands are not the same
DeleteAll wives are not the same.
Dear poster, please ensure you put yourself first before anybody. Why are some people so inconsiderate. Before December, inform your husband you have family function to attend.
ReplyDeleteMadam truth is that you tried niceness but foolishness on their own part no gree dem get sense, so a woman with four kids and kids friend will leave their husbands and pack come your house you re cooking doing every every for them no naw, as w no favor you change pattern, call your hubby and stand your ground that it can never be tolerated, you need a quiet holiday what's that you still dey laugh with them.
ReplyDeleteBoundaries matters my husband s cousin always wants to use the car for occasion but what he normally do he will call me that day and tell me he is on the way to get the car ,he did it wice I told my husband pls let this be the last time he will not inform me on time it's simple courtesy inform me on time and take d car I no dey chop car, no be say he is your bro you no go shwo respect I told my husband he para for the guy sharp sharp told him try to dey respect and inform my wife, inkaw na sense we dey use do am if you don't establish boundary they will take you for granted. the stress and disrespect it's not good
I don't this kind of husband ooooo
ReplyDeleteMadam, this holiday, make sure you travel. A day before they come atleast. Either to your parents, sisters or any place you and your kids will be accommodated. U can even share your visits round. Every year, repeat same and if you can afford it, travel out of d country.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't return, until they have gone back.
Also, let your husband know that you won't be allowing any relation of his stay again as you have never enjoyed privacy in your home, and will want that.
Pls put your foot down.
It's 14 years in marriage already. You need to be bold and reject things that are not ok with you. And even tell your inlaws no in d most reasonable way. It's important.
Humans are selfish by nature and take advantage of others. They will never stop, until you speak out.
Hf_beddings
14years,like 14 Christmases with multitude of people,no privacy.
DeleteAll I see in the this narrative is a selfish, inconsiderate and uncaring husband. That he is an only son is not an excuse to overwhelm his wife with his family's demands. It is very convenient for him to turn his home into a family house because he is not around or involved in the physical labor that it entails turning your home into a resort.
ReplyDeleteYour in-laws unfortunately see you and your children as their slaves. The only person that can put an end to this without throwing you under the bus is your husband, but unfortunately, he is unempathetic and indifferent to your pains.
My suggestion is this, why not since your siblings are living outside your city, during the time these your in-laws are coming, go and visit any of your siblings outside your city (reassure you siblings you will not be a financial burden on them). By the time they come atleast two times and you, your children and maids are not there to serve them hands and legs they (including your husband) will have a rethink before coming over. Honestly, you need a break from this chaos to save your mental and peace of mind.
Hmmmm, marriage settings can be so unfair to the African woman.
If na me, na serious sickness go gat me during the holiday period.
ReplyDeleteEven if I get house help, she go use that period go visit her people, let them Carter for me, my children and their brother.
Even if them know say my sickness na pretence, e no concern me, person no dey fall sick again? When I do am each year they visit, them go use their tongue count their teeth. Ara gbakwaa Ndi Ara dia
Poster, how you praise your husband yet he’s the cause of your problem. You married and inconsiderate man so stop praising him. He doesn’t care about you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I feel really bad for you poster. Whatever you do just mk sure this year is different by every subtle measure with the intent to drive home the fact that you've about had it up to your throat.
ReplyDeletePoster, the thing is your husband is pro family, and also from a closely knit home…..
ReplyDeleteMy brother is just like your husband, he always wants me, and my 2 younger siblings together with our families at his place for Xmas ( our both parents are late)
Infact, he keeps reminding us months before, the importance of coming together as a family to spend Christmas.
To him, that’s what makes Xmas beautiful.
Anyway during courtship, marrying a woman that was also big on having family around was very important to him……..
And luckily, he married someone like that too.
We relate as Sisters and also Besties, and so everything goes smoothly
So, my advice would be for you to talk things through with your husband….
Let him provide as much helps as possible, to make it easier for you during festive period…..
You can also discuss with him, concerning live-in visitors ( he could put a stop to it)
Me, I render a lot of help to my siblings / relatives from afar, because my husband doesn’t really like people in his space a lot…….
We see a lot, go on vacations, hangout etc but they don’t live with me ( stay for too long)
And as for giving your maid’s gift, I don’t think you should attach much to it….
Whenever I visit a place, I always gift the helps there things when I am leaving ( provided you were nice to me during my stay)
I pray God gives you wisdom to handle this
Shalom!
No gifting of present should be in the presence of the host ,where d maid will now tell the poster madam pls greet your sister in law for me o, everything is not so not attach importance, I have a neighbor when we re living together in same apartment some of my clothes if it doesn't fit she will come and pack it, and then tell her help to thank me , we relocated when we went to see them in their new apartment I got things for everybody as well ,I have to tell my friend this is for your help she called her and say take it's from me , it's respect the help is under her care imagine planning a whole cake without intimating the poster o wrong naw
DeleteThis is exhausting , God Abeg o. Please plan your Christmas Holiday ahead and travel to your sisters place When they come let your husband attend to them. Inukwa m
ReplyDeleteTruth is poster, there is nothing you can do about it now. After 14 years?? As in 14 solid years? Naaa!!
ReplyDeleteI know ur type, u started it as eye service to please ur husband’s family, that is why they turned you to their door mat.
BTW, after 14years of marriage, u still sound like u r afraid to talk to ur husband and keep ur feet down. Well right now, just pray to God to make a way out of this situation for you, cos honestly i don’t see one. U have let urself go. U dnt sound like you have a life apart from ur marriage, cos if you did, u would also plan a vacation wt ur kids somewhr, even if it is not abroad. Na only ur inlaws sabi flex? At the end of the year, they plan a get away to ur house, to freshen up while u sit urslf to serve them for 14 years, year in year out. Weldone
As in ehh the thing it's annoying 14 solid years you don't have a say of your own ,poster sometimes hearing from people will make you to shed skin of timidity and wise up, as far as you don come this platform amen and protect your boundaries you need it to mark plenty anniversary in this your marriage , if not 25/30 years to come you still never free yourself from their shackle , me serve you every holiday without you lifting a finger kam nukwa if I hear abeg they should gettout, na only them get only son mtchew
DeleteThank God I told my husband I am a very lazy person during courtship. His siblings know I can’t kill myself. I always tell them to make themselves comfortable in their brother’s house. If you are hungry, my kitchen is opened for you to cook whatever you want to eat. I hate stress.
ReplyDeleteThis is very simple.
ReplyDeleteThe easiest approach is for you not to be available for them.
How? Either you convince your husband or use the children to convince him that they also want to spend their Christmas somewhere else.
Once this is consented to, then either you or your husband will inform your Sister-in-law that you won't be available to host them this December as you are also spending it somewhere else. This should be repeated in the next 3 years (choose to visit different places/spots) and that would have ended their desire to visit your family by the 4th year.
Reading the comments, I remember what a Bv once said here: "You go here" is different from " Here you go".
ReplyDeletePoster, please beg your husband to give you this Christmas/New year holidays and that they can come for next year's. Maybe, his agreement will break the chain and cause him to see that his sisters and their children will not die if they don't come to your home. If the chain doesn't break, ask for alternating year end holidays
Just be careful not to burn down your kitchen because of the stubborn rat except you have another kitchen built already. You, however, don't sound as someone who has a spare kitchen. Be wise. Use contextual wisdom.
May God help you.
Mr. Mann
Hmmmmm this chronicle is similar to mine oh...
ReplyDeleteEver since we got married sha, I clearly told my husband that I don't want anyone to stay with me, because I wouldn't want to face all of these rubbish poster is facing.
I like the fact that we stay very far away from his siblings.
He is the only male child and he is also the bread winner of his family.
I don't stop him from providing for them but make any of them no near my house abeg.
Having entitled in-laws can really be draining and exhausting aswear. When we got married newly my mother-in-law was like my husband should take their last born with us, and my husband agreed, omo na so I clear am oh, now that we ain't even financially buoyant, and na me go suffer am, by the time we don't have enough to eat now she will start thinking we are starving her.
Poster pls tell me that if they re coming they tell you abi na their brother dem dey tell for all these entertainment you dey do, if I hear madam poster 14 years marriage no be beans o ,your skin for don hard for that marriage where be say you go son get liver small dey talk, stop chesting dying in silence,enjoy your marriage and be free boundary set up starts now , we son give you mind left right and center pick one and give us better and sweet feedback, ✌️
ReplyDeleteYou see some people don't know how to be useful in a hosts house I have a co wife of she comes to your house ,she will be indoors watching film apart from coming out to greet you, if we travel to the village same thing my mother in law will now be asking are we not going to cook in this house I ll bw the one in the kitchen arranging or looking for what to eat, one day I asked her iyawo so at your age in the morning you no fit come out let's look for what to eat and her husband before 8 he don start shouting food no dey this house , so I go turn to goat cooking what everyone will eat and you ll indoors pressing phone , some pple get bad character you ll visit you ll not assist , since then once it's morning I will knock iyawo pls it's rice and stew while I attend to other shores ,if you no talk poster if you no start boundary na you go suufer am
ReplyDeleteMadam let me tell you story of my friend she is 27 now with two kids, 5 yrs of marriage she is very fair in complexion when she got married the husband have 3 apprentices living with them she said she no fit wear bum shirt or any sexy thing for house and the brother in law is with them too making it 4 people, after the apprentices settlement bro In law wey be papa is still living with them, when they re about to relocate the husband said they are looking for 3 rooma and parlors,the wife asked why he said for my bro now ,Omo she change am for the hubby o,for how long will she be free in this house that at that' guy s age he should talking about moving to his own house , she no gree o she talked ,made d hubby to see reason with her ,na so d hubby rent apartment for him, he left with his attitude so sometimes of you no stand your ground they will stomp on you and use you do floor mat
ReplyDeleteMadam you need to go visit your parents or siblings around that time this thing is already messing with my head
ReplyDeleteI am the poster. Thank you great Bvs for your amazing responses. I am grateful . It’s a tiring situation for me. My friend has invited I and my kids to spend the holidays with her in a far away city but hubby refused and said Christmas is to be spent together as a family and he’s not ready to join us or plan a family getaway. I married quite early and naive. All his sisters are older than me thinking they will have sense with my kind treatment to them. I have discussed my concerns to hubby few days ago, he’s giving me cold shoulders. For him, this is like a non-negotiable issue. I am exhausted to the teeth.
ReplyDeleteIf Christmas is to be spent together as a family, why is his sister and her kids not spending Christmas with her husband? Abeg abeg
DeleteMadam he will be fine so your children has not travel to see your people for once , persuade him more he will bulge you married early you for don dey get liver small ,no look I'm face if he can't join you shebi Whatsapp dey if una travel be calling him and let d children so video call too, wise up biko this 14 yes slavery is paining me , they re older than you and so what you deserve that respect and privacy, of he no gree emply a caterer that will cook shebi they said they will come before Xmas let the caterer cook every every and stock the fridge , if they come tell them antie food dey fridge their children no fit warm or use microwave ,tell them this Xmas you re drained and need your strength tight face o, you re suffering I wish we can ginger you live from your house, as they no wan get sense use tactics, don't cook anything just like someone said go to hosp tell doctor you re always drained during Xmas that he should write prescriptions for you, lie down and write just come out occasionally to monitor your gadgets cylinders and co . You married early no be excuse if you nont do sth it will continue to when ? Pls save yourself they will come for holiday and after you re drained, take your children out too to eateries, amusement parks, go for spa splash, nail fixing every day wake up and take your children out , kitchen dey there for them what sef this thing you re saying it's paining me on your behalf, no look their face what sef how will they be treating you like that for years and you re dying in silence, pls do something I beg you , if anything happen to you stress related everybody go go that's human for you , you think if you don't do it they will say you re not nice , accept am you re not nice no go kill yourself.
DeleteIf after these chronicle you are still in the same spot that means no knowledgeable and experience gained seems like I'm taking it personal ,Yes I hate oppression
You re exhausted so our advice no yield any fruit na lie o, you can never be exhausted as he no wan join or cater ,see to everything go for that your friend invite carry children out ,they need it how can you be I'm marriage for these years and your children never spend a holiday outside their house, buy time plead, frown face , insist and for that invite heii nwanyi ibe m o, my fellow woman another woman should not give you trouble for your house o , you don mature 14 years no be beans e dey pain me oo e dey pain me o
DeleteTell him to hire help for you all during the holidays. But it is understood that you don't want them to come. That is the real problem. And so long as you are taking it from that angle, it may lead to a big problem in your marriage even if your husband agrees.
DeleteMadam,travel. Heaven will not fall. You are working and have a business,you have financial security. If you die,you die for nothing. This same husband will marry a woman who will refuse even a day's visit from his family..
DeleteNa we women dey do ourselves pass,how can sisters be so mean and inconsiderate for 14 years???
To the new wives here,make una wise up,don't start what you can't finish.
If you do decide not to travel out of fear for your almighty husband,then share the work equally, cook for only your kids,clean only your bathroom, and let everywhere be dirty like that.
Order different soups from a caterer,go to work, and live your life normal. Don't do Xmas outing on Xmas day. Stay inside room press phone.
I will tell them to cook what they will eat, I won't cook for them. You started wrongly and they're use to it and feel comfortable without thinking about you. Try to stop what you started.
ReplyDeleteMy sister in-law wanted to do something similar with me one time like that,I put my foot down,even in the presence of their mother,the least they can do is to throw my load out, he's also the only son. They should eat their brother.
ReplyDeleteWe live very close, you'll come and drop your children in my house everyday and you'll take drugs and be sleeping at home,while I stress my self.
She knows quite well that her brother is not doing too well financially as I complement him half way too, instead of catering for four, I'd have to squeeze myself and cater to six. When I got tired,I voiced out o
U too travel with your kids this Christmas..to go see your family..let Y'ALL enjoy holiday with your sibling...
ReplyDelete