Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TROUBLESOME SISTER IN LAW
Hello, Stella.
Please I need some advice.
Why is my Sister in law like this?. Some of them will complain that you do not take them like their families but ask them do they take you as theirs?
I can't tell you all the good things we have done for this lady and her family because I don't believe in keeping tabs of good deeds but Stella, believe it when I say we are good in laws. Friendly, kind and considerate.
Okay , straight to the point. We came back and stayed over at their place instead of going to a hotel. So, one day we were talking about gardening and I had my back turned to her so I did not see her facial expression. Then when I left the kitchen I saw her daughter looking unhappy so I asked her if she wanted something but she said no.
Then I asked, why does she look unhappy. She said when I was about leaving the kitchen and I turned my back, her mother raised her nose at me. Yoruba people call it (yinmu).
Well, I laughed and told her that her mother was just playing with me and my niece retorted "but what she did isn't good" and She sulked. I told her it was nothing and she shouldn't take it to heart.
A few weeks later, my mother sat down with her gisting how the prices of things have increased in Nigeria. You know just random situation of Nigeria. When she stood up and was about retiring to her room her son was smiling so my mother asked him what was funny. He said nothing then later she asked him again when My SIL was not there and he said when my mother stood up and turned her back to his mother she raised her nose at her. My mother told the boy that she was playing but to my surprise the boy said, "that kind of play is not good to an elderly person" then he told us that she does it to me every time whenever I turn my back to her. Can you imagine?
I even thought it was only once but it has become a habit for her to do it every time when we are not watching and in presence of her children.
I let it slide when she did it to me but now she has graduated to my mother. Can she do that to her own mother or sibling? How do I handle this, without involving the kids. How would I say I found out her shenanigans considering she does it when we are not watching but only in the presence of her kids.
She may suspect her kids and I don't want her to spank them.
Hmmmmmm...
I see this as making a mountain out of a molehill...
If you insist on asking her then tell her that you saw her doing it to your mum and that you dont like it...Some people are used to certain bad habits,if you check well, she might be yimu-ing at everyone.
Just tell her you dont like being yimu-ed and you dont like the disrespect towards your mum as well....
We once saw the way our relatives husband looked at her when she wasn’t looking and we knew that day that it was fake love. Sigh. Human beings
ReplyDeleteStella you said my mind...I do that thing a lot even to my wife but it's nothing..I don't mean any disrespect. It's just my own way of not agreeing with someone in any conversation.. especially when I don't have the strength to talk or argue.
DeleteNext time lodge in a hotel when visiting. Its not all inlaws that wil love you sincerely no matter how you try. Thier loyalty is to thier blood not you.
DeleteSome people keep claiming they can only love their blood, no wonder some doctors don't care if a patient is bleeding to death since they have no blood ties and no wonder our politicians don't care to fix anything because we encourage stupidity. It is a very bad habit for her to sneer at them behind them and her kids are registering a negative side of her without her knowing, it will backfire on her in future. I noticed yorubas do it a lot even in their movies they do it a lot, but sometimes to the person's face in a friendly manner, sometimes behind the person but this sister in law's seem negative, you guys should just avoid her, and avoid visiting their homes.
Delete17:50 it’s not the in-law he didn’t love
DeleteIt is what it is, reality of life that's why it's better not to get too attached to them so that they don't disappoint you and you get hurt.
DeleteThe wrinkling of nose at people is simple making fun of them anyway. People do it if what you are saying is utter garbage...eh(see this olodo).
ReplyDeletePoster if you can't take any longer just leave and a place lodge because that lifting of nose will soon become verbal. No need to confront her just prepare to leave.
DeleteIt's dicey. But I do see it as a headsup.
ReplyDeleteThis person does not love you as a sister per say, and holds some level of resentment towards you for whatever reason.
It may not mean anything, and it may mean many things. Most of us sneer at some people attimes but not all the time and even in the presence of kids.
My advice? BE CAREFUL. BE VERY CAREFUL, The heart of man is desperately wicked. Inlaws...? Hmmm... When I have time, I will share one chronicle with Stella and what a Sister inlaw did to my church member.
Try to catch her red handed or tell her you noticed her sneering "yimuing" as Stella said. Ask her sweetly and see her reaction and expressions. That will inform your next steps.
You can also leave your phone in recording mode and let it record her when you leave her presence, it would speak volumes.
Finally, pray. As long as your heart is clean, God will vindicate you. PRAY and PRAY.
Don't feel bad dear. It's the way the world is. May God help us.
Why record her when you can stop visiting them. You guys should let her be, her head go correct when life deals with her.
DeleteShe should stop that. Bad habit to the extent her kids know her for it.
ReplyDeleteKindly tell her to stop as it might hinder her helpers from helping her.
Pretending sister-in-law
ReplyDeleteBecause of yimu you've come to "tell us but not tell us" all the things you do for her and her family but then again you said "I don't believe in keeping tabs of good deeds"
ReplyDeleteYimu🙄🙄🙄
🤣
DeleteYou even yimu ontop too.
I think she added that part to buttress the fact that they have been nothing but nice to her so she saw no reason why the wife would scorn them when they aren't watching. Maybe it would have been understandable to the poster if they were bad in-laws at that point she would feel they deserve it .
DeleteIt wasn't even as if the poster was specific about or listed the acts of kindness they showed.
Because of yimu you say? Hope you know that is a very disrectful act.
You kuku sound like the sister in law
DeleteYou can just distance yourself from her.
ReplyDeleteMy friend totally ignored a sister-in-law who is fond of sending her to wash plates, bring palm oil, pack plates or travel far distances to come and cook with her husband's family when they have weddings or parties to do and she has little children oo. She doesn't even call the troublesome sister-in-law. Na to your tent oh Israel.
You don't need to tell her, what of other bad things she might have said or done that you didn't know of?
This your last paragraph is true.
DeletePoster, just ignore.
Just what I thought, I used to be that person that ignores signs of resentment from people generally, till I received some hard knocks I could have avoided if I was alert. Poster, if I were you, I'll give her some distance, relate when necessary while being alert , especially spiritually.
DeleteIt's not as if this SIL's family can afford to help any one. Ungrateful with entitlement mentality. Neglect her but can be chipping in words during discussions to let her know you know what she does at people's back.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to be direct, ask her how she feels being yimued at and watch her stutter. Not liking what I hate.
Gaskiya madam u have plenty of time in ur hands. No wonder they say women are petty. Do u know that even in a court of law what you just said would be discarded? Cos u never caught her, ur only evidence are her 2 kids who are still kids.
ReplyDeletePlease, since she has not had the effrontery to do it to ur face, it is assumed she never did anything. Ignore it and face front. The day she does it to ur face, or any other thing you are not comfortable with, then you can address her.
This is life, people would do hurtful things behind ur back, for how long would u keep confronting people based on things you ‘heard’ they said or did behind ur back?
If you go through life like this there could be trouble ahead
DeleteYou're very funny and untruthful. You called what children resented and complained about trivial and no evidence?
DeleteDo you know the lesson she's passing on to her children? To be disrespectful to others?
Golibe i am untruthful on top of my comment? My opinion? See me see wahala. Y not drop ur own ‘truthful’ comment and pass???
DeleteYes i said what i said, they are kids and even a court of law would need corroboration. And i still stand by what i asked her, for how long would she continue to fight ppl over things she ‘heard’? If she is teaching her kids bad manners, how is that the OP’s prblm, see some mountains that we carry, we were jst supposed to climb.
So now what is ur advice to the OP after critiquing my comment to her? She should go and fight the inlaw because of what her kids told her their mom did or what?
Human beings can be petty
DeleteNot only women
The yinmu can be one thing she is used to doing regardless of who she is around.When I talk I used to hiss in btw,it took the notice of those around for me to be conscious about it and its reducing now.
ReplyDeleteYou are lazy because if not you won't be taking children talk seriously maybe you just want to set yourself up for nothing due to lack of wisdom otherwise what has all the yinmu done to you or your personality,if that is the way she want to train her children that is her problem why are you just making things out of nothing
ReplyDeleteCan you keep your distance without appearing avoidant? Is there a difference in social class between your family and your sil family? Sometimes it is a class issue that causes these reactions, as sometimes class voids cannot be overcome. Difference in speech and mannerisms may be interpreted in any number of ways, even comical. It is obvious that there is an othering that the sister has done, them vs us. I don’t think at the core she is a bad person, maybe just someone with issues related to anyone who is not her immediate family. It could also be the reverse, she sees you and your family as being beneath them. Since such details were not provided, you will know how to interpret it.
ReplyDeleteDo no more than you need to. Continue to be gracious and welcoming, but stick to your side. I do not like ppl who show children distasteful actions. And if she makes faces while you are in the same room, imagine what may be spoken when you are not around. Do not address anything because if she already view you and your mum some kind of way, the address will feel like an attack, because she lacks maturity and will not see reason or see any flaws within herself.
I think there is a difference in social class too. You can tell from the tone of the poster's write-up that she sounds prim and proper hence she seems upset by things most people would deem unimportant and playful. I think they are the wealthy ones. She said, 'we came back' so me I am thinking they came back to naija. Because if they came to where they are residenced they would headed to their various houses instead of thinking of staying in hotels.
DeleteIt maybe the convo always go over her head so the SiL feels they are an oversabi whenever they conversed so she yimu at them when they are done.
Anon 17:07 you go make good detective
DeleteHow long are you staying for. Maybe you have stayed too long
ReplyDeleteI don't think,because you guys have helped her,you expect to agree with everything,you people say or do?🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteI shake my head for some of you. A lot of you are not properly raised.
DeletePersonally I feel its not a serious issue.
ReplyDeleteSome persons are so used to doing this that it has become part of them, any small thing they do yinmu.
Secondly I do that to people who I don't usually agree with, not like I have issues with them. It's just a gesture instead of trading words or arguing, but my own hasn't reach the point of doing it always/everytime sha.
Just let it pass, as long as she isnt fighting you
I believe you are a good sister-in-law to her and your mother is a very good mother-in-law to her too else God won't use her kids to reveal her true nature to you. You people are probably too soft/kind so she doesn't rate your family or take what you have to say seriously. . Let it go but adjust your interactions with her.
ReplyDeletePoster if this is the only problem,then there's no problem oo IMO. Maybe she's use to doing it and doesn't even know when she does it.
ReplyDeleteI was actually doing the yimu thing while reading the chronicle 😅
Will you do it to your MIL in the presence of your children
DeleteHmmm
Dear Poster, be careful how you go about this else the children that told you will be the one to get real spanking from their mother. Since you didn't see her do it, pretend like you didn't know she did such. Until you catch her do it , that is when you can call her to order or react.
ReplyDeleteThis only shows she doesn't really love you. This kind SIL you don't need to enter deep discussion with her. Just apply wisdom in dealing with her.
Just give her some distance. Stop visiting. Stop calling. Send things to the children once in a while. Allow her to do the calling.
ReplyDeleteYou came back from where? The abroad? And you want to garden in Nigeria? Are you resident in Nigeria or you came for holidays? And how long was/is the holidays? These may explain that Yimu.
ReplyDeleteYour Mum was talking about how things are in Nigeria. Sister-in-law for reasons best known to her may have felt "Mama wey dey sleep inside house dey complain of cold. Wetin people wey dey sleep outside go complain of?" (Isoko proverb) Then she added the Yimu..
So, it may just be her way of saying"no bi only" as we say it on the streets.
Please don't make a Yimu mountain out of her weakness. If this is the only failing you know or can point at of her.
During your stay, was she nice? Hospitable and welcoming? If yes, please listen to the soundness of the engine of the motor of your relationship, forget the Yimu written on its body (proverb common with Igbo transporters), and continue to ride on to the happy destination of sisters-in-lawhood.
And before it is forgotten, good done are mostly for our own good feeling and Thanksgiving to God. We count that is why we (you, me, and most) always feel bad when we hear of the small Yimus. May God not let us see the real Yimus
Best wishes
#theIsokoMan
Anonymous 16.45 you are a comedian,I laughed while reading through your comment,but you actually gave a very sound advice, please madam don't make a mountain out of the yimuing
DeleteThat the children habe noticed it and know it's not nice is not good at all.
ReplyDeleteChildren should not pick this bad habits from us. Tomorrow, the same people will be wondering where they got it from
Everyone is saying they do it to their wives and their neighbours. Do you guys do it to your mother and father when they are out of sight after they are done talking to you? I know we are used to Sils complaining about their husbands family so this one may not fly because it is coming from the husband family. Even the wife will not do that to her mother let alone in the presence of her children. What message is she trying to pass to the children. Even the children knows it wrong. Na wa if is it something she does naturally she would have done it to her kids and husband and poster would have gotten to know that is a normal thing to her but for the poster to seem shocked it shows they have no idea she does it at all which means she does it just to her and the mother.
ReplyDeleteI won't even want a friend doing that to me everytime I leave their presence in the sight of others because it would make me look stupid if I find out. I would feel Like they are saying, what is that one saying.
Poster, don't confront her because she would just deny it. You people do and go back to your house. I noticed going to visit people some times can cause many see finish sso let everyone dey their dey.
You've just said the truth. People will give excuses for bad habits.
DeleteDon’t mind them
DeleteWho in their right senses yimus to an older person or to a guest
Such poor terrible manners and they can't accept correction because that's all they ever known.
DeletePity.
I used to do that thing a lot when I was younger because I had a roommate in uni who did that. I hated it at 1st but ended up picking it. I had to consciously teach myself out of it.
ReplyDeleteStella could be right, it might be that she means no harm but it is wrong and you should speak to her about it. Let her know you saw her and you do not expect such from her.
I used to do that thing a lot when I was younger because I had a roommate in uni who did that. I hated it at 1st but ended up picking it. I had to consciously teach myself out of it.
ReplyDeleteStella could be right, it might be that she means no harm but it is wrong and you should speak to her about it. Let her know you saw her and you do not expect such from her.
It may be a bad habit. It means she doesnt agree with your opinion or doesn't trust what you are saying. I jokingly do that to friends smoetimes but in their presence and we laugh it off. In this blog, we call it "pictures or I dont believe it" lol. I think you should find a way to ask her why she does it.
ReplyDeleteRaising my nose, it's part of me with a different connotation.
ReplyDeleteI don't do it to adults because I think it insult, I don't do it behind you. I can do it to a child if he or she gives me the wrong answer to what I asked or when I get a funny response to a particular question or someone asks me a funny question. It's funny to me. But doing it behind may have other meanings.
Exactly @ glitters.
DeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteI yimu alot, even when I'm reading some comments here..
But I'll never do it when someone isn't looking, I do it to your face..
What that lady is doing is very wrong.. she's a coward and a pretender, smile in your face and backbite (yimu) when you turn..
Making a mockery and fun of a person behind the person's back.. making someone an object of ridicule..
Very insulting..
Call her to order and be careful with her moving forward.
It doesn't mean anything except she does hers behind your back. I do it alot but infront of that person not hiding.
ReplyDeleteNo need to confront her at all cos you are looking for fight when there is non. Let it go but distance yourself from staying at an in-law's place.
Please ignore her attitude and simply avoid her.There are some things we really can't change about people and that's their mentality.
ReplyDeleteIt's not that deep poster.
ReplyDeleteMy only problem is how the children react to the yimu because children are very impressionable. But I don't think it's enough to call your SIL troublesome.
My own brother table my life history to his wife , his wife has no respect for me untill I close their chapter from my life.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
DeleteIt is her habit. That's why her own children are on the lookout for it.
ReplyDeleteWhat most Bvs are saying is that in the stated circumstances her conduct, is not what the stress of a strained relationship. Especially as Poster did not complain about their stay in her brother's home.
Even the Bible says not to stand by the door to hear what people say about you behind your back lest you hear your house keeper's unpleasant words about you.
Dear poster. Simple ignore her. As long as she is not being nasty to your face. She should be ashamed that her kids are calling her out. If only she knew that they told you.
ReplyDelete