ADVICE NEEDED URGENTLY
Hello Stella…
Pls post this chronicle anonymously
This might be a long read for some, so pls pardon me!
I got married early this year and I have a shop where I sell drinks in wholesale but I got married recently and relocated to a far location in the same state but where getting a shop and even cost of living is EXTREMELY expensive.
My hubby was supposed to get an apartment before marriage but we couldn’t so we postponed it to after marriage cause I thought I could manage for like three months but unknown to me that my hubby had some debts on his neck from some bad investments he did and he’s still paying for it(I got to know about this after the wedding).
Now let me shed a little light on the kind of person my husband is.He is this type of person that doesn’t know how to say ‘No’ when people come asking him for money or material things…so to most of his family (cause he comes from a large family), they feel he has money cause whenever they ask him for money, even at his inconvenience, he’d give them even if he has to borrow the money for them and he doesn’t ask any of them nor even his best friend for any help. he’d rather ask me or I help him ask my brother.He is also very secretive.
When his family came visiting, they were shocked to find out the kind of house we live,although they still feel he has some money somewhere cause some of them especially his elder brother still asked him for money after that day.We live in a single room where he lived as a bachelor and we share toilet with dirty neighbors that we sometimes fight to collect money to give the woman that washes the toilet once weekly.now I can’t cope again cause of my condition and I’m not even used to such system in the first place, imagine not being able to visit the toilet at night.
Now back to my chronicle, I’m pregnant and getting heavy.I still maintained my small shop despite staying far cause that’s all I have right now and i pay my younger sister a token for helping me sell at the shop since my parents house isn’t too far from my shop…I on the other hand, monitor the shop from home but I go to the shop twice weekly which cost me 2500 each day, that is 24k monthly despite just going just 8 times monthly.…Now I want to get a loan from my brother to get a new shop but since shop is expensive here. I thought my hubby should collect it instead so we can move out of this place before the baby comes.
My husband insist on getting the apartment in this same area and I no we can’t afford it when it’s due for another payment, his average monthly income is just 100k.I’m due by December and we haven’t even bought baby things yet, I advised we move to a cheaper area which falls in the center of my shop and his work just to strike a balance and he said he can’t spend too much on t-fare cause where we stay he doesn’t enter bus to work….I told him if that’s the case I won’t support with anything if the rent expires cause we have a year to repay the loan and also renew our rent and also staying around here means I can’t get a shop around here peradventure I even want to move my shop to the area because the shop rent alone in that area is my capital at my first shop.
My hubby still expects me to support with the loan and rent despite my t-fare to my shop monthly(he said it’s my personal expenses).I told him I CANT afford to support with rent that is so outrageous with the transportation money I spend, isn’t it better we both spend 600k yearly on apartment and cost of transportation and I can still afford to at least support rather than spending 800k on the same and still there’s no room for another business for an average person in that area?and renewing the rent is a problem.when I give birth and it’s time to enroll my child in a school, can I afford the schools in that area?I can’t!but he’s not considering all these and I feel it’s selfish interest.
I even told him we can easily pay rent of 300-350k mini flat than 500-600k mini flat…he said it’s the same if he adds his tfare, while that is true, at least my tfare would reduce, I can still support with 100k for the rent and he wouldn’t even spend up to 15k monthly for t-fare(going by this calculation, he got a better offer)so what exactly is the problem? Could it be ‘I live in a big man’s environment’ syndrome?
I can also easily gather money to get a new shop around to serve as another source of income for us.I think my husband is selfish and in the first place, should have considered me too while choosing a location.
Do I cancel the loan from my brother and urge him to ask his sister instead should he default?I feel I shouldn’t have proposed the loan for him in the first place cause his sister is capable of actually borrowing him and she would if he asked, am i over worrying about how he’d renew the rent?(the reality is with what we have on ground, we can’t afford it), is it bad I’m considering a nearer location too to my shop? At least we should be in the center of both our location.What do I do if my hubby insists on getting the expensive house in this area?this same area he has lived all his life cause I feel that his decision may lead us to debts and seeking help from people when it’s time to renew our rent.
I’m tired and scared!!!
Hello Stella…
Pls post this chronicle anonymously
This might be a long read for some, so pls pardon me!
I got married early this year and I have a shop where I sell drinks in wholesale but I got married recently and relocated to a far location in the same state but where getting a shop and even cost of living is EXTREMELY expensive.
My hubby was supposed to get an apartment before marriage but we couldn’t so we postponed it to after marriage cause I thought I could manage for like three months but unknown to me that my hubby had some debts on his neck from some bad investments he did and he’s still paying for it(I got to know about this after the wedding).
Now let me shed a little light on the kind of person my husband is.He is this type of person that doesn’t know how to say ‘No’ when people come asking him for money or material things…so to most of his family (cause he comes from a large family), they feel he has money cause whenever they ask him for money, even at his inconvenience, he’d give them even if he has to borrow the money for them and he doesn’t ask any of them nor even his best friend for any help. he’d rather ask me or I help him ask my brother.He is also very secretive.
When his family came visiting, they were shocked to find out the kind of house we live,although they still feel he has some money somewhere cause some of them especially his elder brother still asked him for money after that day.We live in a single room where he lived as a bachelor and we share toilet with dirty neighbors that we sometimes fight to collect money to give the woman that washes the toilet once weekly.now I can’t cope again cause of my condition and I’m not even used to such system in the first place, imagine not being able to visit the toilet at night.
Now back to my chronicle, I’m pregnant and getting heavy.I still maintained my small shop despite staying far cause that’s all I have right now and i pay my younger sister a token for helping me sell at the shop since my parents house isn’t too far from my shop…I on the other hand, monitor the shop from home but I go to the shop twice weekly which cost me 2500 each day, that is 24k monthly despite just going just 8 times monthly.…Now I want to get a loan from my brother to get a new shop but since shop is expensive here. I thought my hubby should collect it instead so we can move out of this place before the baby comes.
My husband insist on getting the apartment in this same area and I no we can’t afford it when it’s due for another payment, his average monthly income is just 100k.I’m due by December and we haven’t even bought baby things yet, I advised we move to a cheaper area which falls in the center of my shop and his work just to strike a balance and he said he can’t spend too much on t-fare cause where we stay he doesn’t enter bus to work….I told him if that’s the case I won’t support with anything if the rent expires cause we have a year to repay the loan and also renew our rent and also staying around here means I can’t get a shop around here peradventure I even want to move my shop to the area because the shop rent alone in that area is my capital at my first shop.
My hubby still expects me to support with the loan and rent despite my t-fare to my shop monthly(he said it’s my personal expenses).I told him I CANT afford to support with rent that is so outrageous with the transportation money I spend, isn’t it better we both spend 600k yearly on apartment and cost of transportation and I can still afford to at least support rather than spending 800k on the same and still there’s no room for another business for an average person in that area?and renewing the rent is a problem.when I give birth and it’s time to enroll my child in a school, can I afford the schools in that area?I can’t!but he’s not considering all these and I feel it’s selfish interest.
I even told him we can easily pay rent of 300-350k mini flat than 500-600k mini flat…he said it’s the same if he adds his tfare, while that is true, at least my tfare would reduce, I can still support with 100k for the rent and he wouldn’t even spend up to 15k monthly for t-fare(going by this calculation, he got a better offer)so what exactly is the problem? Could it be ‘I live in a big man’s environment’ syndrome?
I can also easily gather money to get a new shop around to serve as another source of income for us.I think my husband is selfish and in the first place, should have considered me too while choosing a location.
Do I cancel the loan from my brother and urge him to ask his sister instead should he default?I feel I shouldn’t have proposed the loan for him in the first place cause his sister is capable of actually borrowing him and she would if he asked, am i over worrying about how he’d renew the rent?(the reality is with what we have on ground, we can’t afford it), is it bad I’m considering a nearer location too to my shop? At least we should be in the center of both our location.What do I do if my hubby insists on getting the expensive house in this area?this same area he has lived all his life cause I feel that his decision may lead us to debts and seeking help from people when it’s time to renew our rent.
I’m tired and scared!!!
Oh God what kind of difficult man did you marry that does not think of tomorrow?
I dont even know what to advice on this case..I got goosebumps reading the kidn of house you live in with pregnancy...Why dont you collect the money and go and rent the one you think is OK and move there if he refuses? when the rent expires he will join you in the place you moved to.....
Stella,
ReplyDeleteI don't think she renting another place to stay alone is a better idea. It may lead to separation seeing how unreasonable the man he married is behaving.
Madam, I will fault you on all this. You tolerated it all ab nitio when you were courting.
I dated a lady who founded out I was staying in a self contain at the time and she quit the relationship. She expected me to be staying at least in one bedroom flat. I wouldn't blame her for that. Marriage doesn't mean come and suffer. You knew he was staying in public yard and should have persuaded him to park out first before the marriage. Where you that desperate to be married? You saw the red flags I believe but you probably thought marriage will change it all but here you are.
I will advise just keep staying with him till the rent expire and when he can't renew, you carry your baby and stay in your brother's place. By then he will come to his senses.
Thank you Teejay for saving me typing this.
DeleteThat loan from your bros might cause problem between your bros n hubby and it will be on your head, if care is not taken.
DeleteWhy not collect money from your bros, look for shop in your current area which might be expensive, add it and pay. Or you can rent a space, construct the shop with iron with the loan your bros will give you. Think about.
You can aqually ask his sister for loan and hear what she will say.
If you reach your due date travel to your parent house/elder sis' and deliver.
Don't allow such to disturb you. Sitdan dey look'am
👍🏿@TJ.
DeletePoster, sort your accommodation location first and get a new apartment before sorting where to get a shop.
And do not collect a loan from your Brother for house rent. Let your husband settle the rent himself. Any loan from your Brother should be for your business after your residence issue is solved.
Take Mao advice. It will be better. You saw that house before you accepted to marry him.
DeleteYesterday and today's chronicles should have been sent in before you went into marriage, dear posters. Dear singles, please if you have any concerns about your relationship, IN THE FIRST FEW MONTHS, send in a chronicle for advise, so you can be guided. Don't waste years or get married and then send what you could have uncovered from the beginning. Within the first 3 months of dating, there are hundreds of questions you have to ask, this is why I miss Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, she had a book for intending singles, I don't remember the name. Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said that "courtship is a time for interview and not intercourse." Please don't be meeting in private and getting up to all sorts of shenanigans, there are certain questions that must be asked and observations to be made BEFORE committing to a person in marriage. If you don't ask, watch and pray before marriage, dearly beloved, believe me, you will have no choice but to ask, watch and pray after marriage and by that time, it's too little, too late.
DeletePoster, act like you are sick and go spend sometime with your parents, so you can attend to your self and business, mind you if you're making sales there don't think of quitting the shop, also have it in mind that compromise should be done by both sides not just you. There are some partners that bring people down, you have moved from flat to face me now he wants you to loose your shop and he is unable to provide anything better for now. Say No and continue saying it. Hold your shop tight .
DeleteNicely said teejay. When we women want to get married, we would turn a blind eye just to answe Mrs. Once we are married, our eyes would open. When would we learn?
DeleteHmmm marriage is one hell on earth especially with spouse who refused to see reason. Poster remove yourself from the loan since he doesnt want to reason with you so incase he is unable to pay it will be solely on him. Let him get loan and rent at his choice place, God will give you the strength to navigate your business. Na this unnecessary stress dey make marriage difficult.
ReplyDeleteIf you know patience is not your strongest suit don't just bother with marriage, it will test you mad
DeleteLol at ADA
DeletePeople who get married especially when things are kind of tight financially should know that postponing getting pregnant for a year or 3 sef is a thing fgs!!!
DeleteIt stresses me out when I read about newly married couple birthing a child into a very tight financial situation within the first year of marriage, like whyyy? What's the rush for?
December is almost here, poster I wish you all the best from here, as I no get any advise today, and safe delivery.
Well said. Getting pregnant without their finances being sorted out is annoying. I know someone that was earning close to 6 figures a month but she waited for 3 years to put certain things in place before bringing children into the mix. She and her husband were well to do but wanted a certain lifestyle for their kids. It wasn't until she announced she was pregnant that she realized people thought she had been TTC and were praying for her, not knowing it was a delibrate decision.
DeleteWhat a difficult man you married.
ReplyDeletePlease you and your baby comes first in any decision you make
Whatever you do, do not borrow for him
DeleteOgaoooo
ReplyDeleteMy hubby, my hubby, so every kind man wey fit make you be MRS na my hubby, my hubby so o abi? Including the one wey person de follow share face-me-I-face you toilet. Na wa!
ReplyDeleteBe nice.
Deleteabeg nor use laugh kee person this hot afternoon 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteNot everyone can afford to live in a flat or apartments with unshared conveniences.
DeleteAnonymous 15:25 be nice with your choice of words this was the exact reasons some persons start commenting anonymously because of some English teachers we have in this blog. Don't you read the part where she said that she's pregnant? that alone should have made you not to say anything that will cause her pain. You were not in her shoes so don't conclude yet on why she married the man. Poster please don't collect any loan for any house, if you must collect any loan use it and start something in your current area if he refuses to move out and don't help him to pay back when it is due. When your pregnancy is due, move to your parents house and be using your shop to support yourself till you deliver and after you deliver, let him find a house before you move back there. Telling you from experience. DON'T COLLECT LOAN FROM YOUR BROTHER TO RENT AN APARTMENT.
DeleteHaba! 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteMy first advice to you is stop supporting hus bad character of being in debt, by looking for loans for him or helping him pay. (How can he not be able to say No. When he doesn't have, but would rather pretend so as to kerp a false status and you are urging it?If you continue, he will never stop. Allow him face d consequences of his actions, while you save up for rainy day. Especially now that a Child is involved.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, why so forward with wanting to share bills and even willing to borrow money for that purpose.
Why borrow money to pay house rent? After a year will you borrow another?
Don't be quick to carry financial responsibility in d house ooo. Before in years to come, he will leave d bills for you.
You can support in ways like adding up to the feeding money he gives you etc. But already agreeing to share rent bills is a big mistake. If it continues, you will pay children school fees soon and many major bill. You won't be able to change it then because he will feel its your responsibility.
Thirdly,, just less than a years marriage and you have joined your hubby to be borrowing up and down?
Why give him an impression your family is always available to loan him money. You are raising an irresponsible man ooo. If this mature, you will regret it.
Fourthly, if d man goes to work 5 times a week, its only fair tor him to be in a place at a walkable distance to his office he will save on transport which can add to the family (If you allow him be the breadwinner. Instead of forming miss independence).
The choice you have is to eventually open in a place close by to your house too. (But don't close the former). After all, if he were in another state, you would have followed him and probably close your shop. This is marriage we make sacrifice. Except if you both have agreed to split the bills, then you both can decide to rent in a central place.
Fifthly, allow him rent house anywhere he wants. Nah him money. Just lock up. Men hate to be controlled. Anywhere he what's to get it from,let it be his business. Dont go borrowing from your family to give him to rent house. (Nah wah oo una no dey shame?)
If the rent expires and he can't renew, go to your parents place and wait till he gets another. By then he might see your point and cut his coat according to his size.
Hf_beddings beddings
DeleteWonderful comment. Poster read this 15.29's comment over and over again. In this time and day when you have access to a platform like this and read from women you still agreed so early to share bills? House rent?! I promise you something, you will also have to contribute if not fully foot your medical bills when you deliver. Shebi he hasn't still bought baby stuff and things are getting very expensive by the day? That brother of yours has a family too. Whatever you do, don't contribute to that rent. If you must take from your brother let it be for a shop closer to your location. Your only contribution should be for sundry expenses like food. House rent, school fees and medical bills, if he likes let him go and borrow them from his own family and friends cos he must man up.
DeleteSorry o, did you say a shred toilet is wash once a week? What does it really take to wash a toilet? If you do a daily routine it won't take you more 5 minutes daily to quickly scrub with small detergent and rinse with two cap full of bleech. Buy a good toilet brush so you don't have to bend too much.
Poster men always want to be men even with an empty pocket .The first mistake you made was accepting to manage in a face me i slap you apartment. If you have asked him to get a mini flat before the wedding oga will sit up and stop giving out money to people, you have not sort your own problem but you are busy giving out to people forming you cannot say no. Your husband knows how to say no, sabi he is the one saying nope to you options abi is me that is saying nope to you?
ReplyDeleteYour husband was forming oga at the top, big man without money that was why he kept on giving to his people but stayed in a public apartment. You should allow him get the loa from his sister and stop your brother from giving him that loan so that when he defaults, you will not have issue with your brother about the loan.
Please allow him to rent a house in the big man area since he cannot accept what you have told him, just find a way around your and if possible if your sister is faithful you can reduce your going to the shop till you put to birth. Your husband feels you want to control him the reason he is saying nope to all your suggestions.
Please stop worrying yourself on the issue and allow him lead as a man but someday he will come back to you to seek for help. Just lock up and pretend you are not seeing him with all his mumu idea till it cast. Make sure you write out all the list for baby things and present to him, stop any form of fight and talking too much over this matter.
If he pays for an apartment in big man area but cannot renew it sabi is his headache, if he collects loan from his sister and cannot afford it sabi is his headache? You should be saving your money little by little and never forget to assist where you can so that expenses will not finish him.
You have a point
DeleteI think the poster's concern is that the money will get a better accomodation if they moved to a more affordable area. She is also thinking of rent renewal and school fees which shows that she thinks ahead. It's better sehe goes back to her parents house during her pregnancy, if they can accomodate her and use that period to focus on her store while there. She obviously needs to save money for a rainy day and shouldn't take loan from her brother for rent. The house will not produce money to pay her brother back. It's even better to take the loan for a new shop as that will generate potential fund to repay the loan, even if it's in bits.
DeletePoster abeg where una dey see this kind of men marry????? My dear start to prepare your mind that your marriage is over. Using public toilet with pregnancy WTF????? If I tell you a story of how I laboured for one week to give birth to my baby because of toilet infection from pit toilet when I was in one useless marriage suffering. I borrowed my self brain and left the idiot now I live in 2 bedroom with my kids and doing well financially. My advice is that your shop don't ever close it that is your financial base.
ReplyDeleteFunny how you saw the same kind of marry too.
DeleteLeave the messenger and take the message! I too know dey worry you!
DeleteI totally agree with Stella’s comment. Please move out! How can you be sharing toilets???
ReplyDeleteIt will not be easy to move out with her condition.
DeleteI honestly don't understand.
ReplyDeleteWhich kind of 'expensive area' do you live in that you have to share toilet with dirty neighbours? What is expensive about that kind of area?
In your delicate state you shouldn't be sharing toilet with NOBODY, how much more people that you dont know if they have sexual diseases or craw craw below. You know dey fear????
Any money that comes in to your hand, focus on the baby. Baby food is expensive. They grow quickly and eat much. SMA is 11k unless you want to feed your child pap and garri in that your 'big man area's.
I wish you safe delivery.
When she described the facilities my skin crawled. Imagine having to open your delicate private parts in such a place, especially after childbirth. It doesn’t even read like there is a sink in there.
DeleteThis is why I tell women do not jump into pregnancy right after marriage, wait two years to see what the marriage is built on. The only ones who should be rushing are the ones who are advance in age.
@craw craw below 😂🤣😅
DeleteStella, if she uses the money to rent another place, she will end up being the one to be paying the rent o. He needs to cut his cloth according to his material, how can you be collecting 100k as salary and living in a place you pay 650k for house rent, that's much, what of feeding and other expenses, how will he cope? Living as a bachelor is different from being a married man with family. When children start coming, it might not be easy at all, then will he start borrowing. He needs to consider your welfare and child first and good enough you are ready to contribute.
ReplyDeleteYou might need to talk to someone he listens to and respect to talk to him.
Please don't borrow any money, let him do the borrowing if he wants to, else you will shoulder it alone.
My problem is not you or your husband .
ReplyDeleteIt’s the baby . If either of you makes the wrong decision in all of this is the baby that you both will later be inconvenienced .
If your husband is blowing hot and being adamant on this issue , don’t tow that road with him.
Keep calm and always approach him when he is in a happy and calm mood . Keep making him see reasons eventually he might change his mind , it depends on the way you handle it . So I would advise that you handle this in the calmest way possible .. from your post you are already tired of the living stress and him being adamant might make you lash out at him sometimes during this discussion or conversation. You already stated that he doesn’t say No . Calmly make him see reasons why he shouldn’t be saying No to you . No go follow your husband drag anything o . Good luck
Mamannukusdkblogceleb
I know his type. They please outsiders while their own immediate family suffers. Poster whatever you do, try not to lose your source of income. Also your health and that of your baby is paramount. You need to move out to stay in a more healthy environment, at least till baby is born (and even after birth, because you and baby are still delicate then), because who knows how soon you and your husband will resolve your issues?
DeleteMe too oh, it's that incoming baby that's my biggest concern, I hate seeing babies brought into stressful situations, shebi the 2 adults have been finding a way around their problems and will continue to do so, but the baby?
Delete500-600k I meant to write*
ReplyDeleteSome men are just unreasonable and selfish. Tell him your brother was unable to secure the loan for you again due to unforseen issues. Let him know you will not be happy if you continue to stay in the same location. Don't nagg him on it. Just siddon they watch. If he complain about money, just let him know you have no way of supporting since nothing is moving in your shop since you have no way of managing it due to distance. Play the mind game with him and stop discussing the rent with him. Let him bring it up and let him know you already tell him what you know is best for the family. All will be well. Take good care of yourself abeg.
ReplyDeleteThis man is difficult and proud type. Poor and proud. He keeps giving out, borrowing just to impress people I'm his life.
ReplyDeleteHe can't go far with this attitude.
You have two options:
Leave him in that house, rent a neat 1/2bedromm house in a cheap area that pyu can afford,
I can't imagine being pregnant and living in a dirty environment. Can't even live in such as a single lady.
It's so unhygienic and depressing.
2nd option, if tou no get liver to disobey him then continue answering to all his wimps and caprices
NOTHING in this life can make me live in a public yard, even as a student, I scrimped and saved to rent a self con. Her first mistake was agreeing to move into that house, even visiting him as a single girl, my face will change after the first time and I'll make it clear that I can't live here, rather I'll support in completing the rent for a better house.
DeletePoster, don't borrow and don't remain there either, pack out to your parents while maintaining yourself and your child with proceeds from your shop, he will come to his senses and get a better house and come get you.
Doesn’t your husband want better? The conditions you are living in to bring a newborn into and join you is not fitting. What if you get tears during delivery, do you really want to use such a toilet. I cannot believe that he is not even thinking about the baby. I have a phobia about dirty bathrooms and sharing facilities with complete strangers. I cannot believe anyone would desire to live in filth and discomfort just so they do not have to commute. I honestly cannot believe he took you as a wife to such a dump and impregnated you in it and expect to bring a child into such a place, amidst the high infant mortality in the country.
ReplyDeleteGo to your parents house if they have the space and birth their and your mum will be there to help you. Do not give birth in than hovel. Mtsscchhwww
Where do you people see these kind of incorrigible partners? That's why it is very important to focus on understanding the mindset and mentality of whoever you in a relationship with before you say yes. Even if it takes longer to unwrap that aspect of your relationship, please wait because marriage brings out the true character of everyone. Isn’t it better to have a good idea, than walk hurriedly into such classless crass behaviour?
ReplyDeleteDear poster, please do not collect any loan for this type of character. I am for mutual support and partnership in a relationship ONLY with a flexibly understanding partner, not rigid humans like this.
It's simple logic to live within one's means at all times, than to bite more than one can actually chew.
Sometimes that stubbornness mesmerizes women, they think it means the man has authority and can get shyt done until reality sets in. Imagine having to be using a chamber pot in 2023 because you got married. I’m all for a challenge, but a chamber pot or pail in these times, hellz naw. I can see if that has always been your reality, but to leave comfort and go to that. Jesus take the wheel.
DeleteAt some point in the chronicle, I was lost. The maths calculation for rent this, rent that plenty. And I sabi maths fa. See headache!
ReplyDeleteBefore I give my chikini advice, abeg single sisters in the house; bikonu, make una try dey settle important issues before getting married. Don't be desperate to get married. When it comes to this, I like Deeper Life Church. They won't wed you until proper accommodation has been paid for, inspected by them and okayed by the woman. Don't be afraid of losing him, let him go. Another one will come. Check out chronicle na.
Poster, why will you move in to live in a single room, sharing amenities with the public, when you can afford better? Why? You be wan marry quick quick ba? Good. Shebi you are enjoying it? Enjoy it very well.
Straight to the matter:
1. Don't start marriage life with loan. E no dey end well.
2. 24000 x 12=288,000 That's your tfare yearly if you insist on retaining your old shop. You don't think that money can be added to what both of you have to make life comfortable? Just saying.
3. You are condescending towards your hubby. How can you call 100k salary just? Many men earn far less and are surviving. Then you still want him to remove tfare from that amount. Abeg, how much go remain?
4. Gather money in every way you can and set up your business in the environment where you live now. Leave the house rent completely for him since he insists on staying there. No be ya fault. But put your foot down about not staying in a single apartment ever! You MUST be comfortable. Can you manage a self-contained for a start?
5. As for his inability to say no to people's request, don't bother yourself. I always advise women to have a home budget with insistence on every need being met by both of you before that of outsiders. Raise hell if he defaults. You have to start now that the marriage is young, if not you will smell pepper when kids arrive. He will take children school fees and give to someone who wants to buy sharwama. Please with each child that comes, open an account. You don see the kind man wey you marry.
6. Cancel the loan from your brother. Let him handle the house rent on his own. Please, focus on solidly establishing your business where you are now. Let him handle the house. I hope one of your reasons of retaining your old shop is not to remain close to your people.
7. You are over-worrying. Allow him handle it the way he has planned. Focus fully on your business. Set it running.
If you think you want otherwise, then pray it to existence. Read Proverbs 21:1 and pray.
God bless you.
Sometimes I wonder what people do during courtship. Is it just sex and recreation? This matter you are sending as a chronicle seeking advice need not have arisen if you had trashed it out before marriage. When you were dating him you saw the deplorable state of were he was living, that would have been when to ask him his future plans with regards to accomodation.
ReplyDeleteFor me, don't heed Stella's advice because it could trigger the premature end of your marriage. Approach his sister, the one you believes has the financial capacity to loan your husband money and table your dilemma to her. She may see things from your point of view and talk some sense into your husband.
As for taking a loan from your brother, I hope it wouldn't create bad blood between your husband and him if there is a default in payment. In the meantime, try to worry less, for the sake of your baby
Can you discuss this with his family members especially his sister so they could help you speak with him.some men could be so difficult you need to pray for wisdom to tackle marital issues like this.goodluck dear.
ReplyDeletePoster any money you borrow on his behalf will be paid by you just have it at your mind. Please take care of yourself and your baby that should be your ultimate priority now.
ReplyDeleteI sank into my seat reading this. What type of start is this? In sprint sports, it's called a false start. You have to go back and start again.
ReplyDeleteSee, let me tell you. Nigeria will get worse than it is. People who will come out of this unscathed are those who will plan strategically, lower expenses, increase income and supplement with other team members. I know it all sounds business like but you need to be ready.
Let me take one question at a time.
Could it be ‘I live in a big man’s environment’ syndrome?
Ans: No it's not. He is used to this area. It's as simple as that. He doesn't want a new area where he's not familiar with it.
I think my husband is selfish and in the first place, should have considered me too while choosing a location.
Ans: I know all of this is water under the bridge but both of you should have discussed this before getting married, having a baby. So he's as guilty as you. I don't know what you guys were discussing during courtship if these things didn't come up. I am sure it did but the idea that we would deal with it when the time comes. Now that time is here.
Bro and babes in dating phase, learn from this please.
Your husband isn't selfish. He just has poor financial management skills. Getting into bad business debt, giving out money you don't have etc. A selfish person will not even give others.
Do I cancel the loan from my brother and urge him to ask his sister instead should he default?
Ans: Absolutely. But don't just do it like that. Tell him you asked and your brother say he doesn't have.
Let his sister help him.
am i over worrying about how he’d renew the rent?
No you are not. You are just the more forward thinker in the marriage. You have discovered early. Let this be your guide for as long as both of you are married. You are the rational one. Don't insult him, just know your financial planning is sound than his. I don't even know why someone who knows he can't afford this will be insisting on something and banking on brother in-law or sister's money.
Please is the 100k his salary after loan repayment is deducted or that's his actual pay. Because if it's not, then maybe there may be some relief after the loan is paid off.
is it bad I’m considering a nearer location too to my shop? At least we should be in the center of both our location.
Ans: yes it's bad. You are the wife. You are only saying this because there are issues of his affordability of this rent. If he's paying his rent as due without all these pressures, you will not be using the opportunity to tell him where to move to.
What do I do if my hubby insists on getting the expensive house in this area?
Let him live in the area he wants to live. Ask yourself, what are the benefits of this area you are staying. For it to be a bit pricey, that means it has some value just maybe you can't see it.
My own is you shouldn't be living in a single room (shared toilet) with your husband and soon baby except you have lived in such setting all along.
You want to wee-wee inside bucket when visitors will be coming to your place? If you guys remain there, will your mom or aunt or his mom be willing to come for omugwo in such setting.
Reduce your shop visits to 1 or 2ce a month. Let her do video calls for you anytime you want to look at the shop. At least it's a trusted person there. Not an employee.
This place is your new location. If he lived in another city, you would have gone and still be monitoring the business from afar. So just lower your visit. And when Baby comes, you would be too occupied to visit often.
Finally, take it easy. Preeclampsia is real. Post partum depression is also real and this your chronicle is a recipe for that outcome. Calm down and everything will be ok. Have a little faith.
Redacted Identity
Well done!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DeleteEnrolling your child in a school is even more affordable than when the child is still an infant. Have you thought of how you will be able to afford diapers every two weeks, baby milk every 4days and the rest . These things are very expensive currently. With the nature of your business, I don't think you will be able to do exclusive breastfeeding . You don't even know what lies ahead of you after childbirth hmmm... This kind story, may God give you and your husband wisdom to make sound decisions.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even finish reading the story.
Stop the loan process from your brother because your husband will not pay back.
ReplyDeleteMove to parents house from next month till after you deliver, tell your husband that you are moving there because you cannot afford to share toilet and bathroom anymore in your condition.
While you’re there you can still try to talk your husband into renting a cheaper and a better accommodation.
Eezi
Your husband is a very difficult man
ReplyDeletePlease follow Stella comment move out of that house abeg
You never enter second year of marriage and you want to borrow from your brother, abeg families sometimes even if husband is scarce make una make sure your sisters marry right cos I can't believe that my sister will make this kind of mistake, like what is all these women wise up too of where he is staying is not okay and you can't manage quit, did you see teejay story up there.
ReplyDeleteHow did you even carry on with marriage with this type of man with this mentality and attitude day never break and it's like this , pampers baby girl house essentials dey front and all these stress is on you without any hope , so in the end how re you enjoying this marriage, you never buy baby things and it's almost December, this desperation to answer Mrs no dey favor anybody, believe me with all these things going on you re not happy no love and baby never come madam pls don't borrow anything a man should give you that safety net ,instead go born for your parents side o, clear your head and decide what's next let him be a man and make you comfortable this chronicle just dey vex person , ladies pls let's marry right a man don't have money is siffy from a man with crude mentality and thsi kind of baggages
My sister or brother, you know some men are good but not financially okay, some work very hard and make little money and not everyone is perfect, even with a rich partner there may still be some complains sometimes more complains. We are just unlucky to be in a country with no welfare package.
DeletePeople need to ask themselves if marriage to the intending partners will make them better or worse. I feel some people may have been better off on their own, in all ramifications and by all means. Why do you people marry these people you people marry? Please it's an honest and sincere question, just to check why people commit to these partners in marriage. Stella abeg do chronicle of this question make we see first.
ReplyDeletePray for wisdom from God, he only can help you out with the situation on ground.
ReplyDeleteMarigold
Madam dont nag or fight him just concentrate on having your baby and for the loan just abort that mission. For now just sit down dey looK your husband.
ReplyDeletePoster don't try to help that your husband, do not borrow any money from your brother to help him, leave him to take all decision alone as he wanted, when the consequences of his decision set in , then his brain will reset. Just dey look him and be planning for your self and your baby
ReplyDeleteSome men are just too selfish
ReplyDeleteYou owe it to yourself to move out of this wretched place. I would move to wherever he wants and tell him if he can’t renew the rent, there wil be issues
ReplyDeleteHe’s the one young yo work everyday so I think you should live closer to where he works as you only go in twice a week and you don’t have to get there at a particular time
Also you wrote
I even told him we can easily pay rent of 300-350k mini flat than 500-600k mini flat…he said it’s the same if he adds his tfare, while that is true, at least my tfare would reduce.
No need to reduce your trade. Take your 500 to 600k house and move out of this location. How will he pay next year. Almost impossible. He knows he doesn’t plan to return your brothers money
I fin
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle is funny walahi! Are you catching cruise???
ReplyDelete