Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GHOSTED
I'm 41 and a single mother of a 4yr old boy. I taught love finally found me in 2020 and I was so happy. He made me smile and ticked all my boxes. I was looking forward to our Trad last April. I had prepared myself on how I was going to come here and write about my journey and how I met my soulmate . Do you know what happened, he CHANGED and GHOSTED me.
We didn't fight, we didn't argue, no explanation NOTHING! My whole family and friends knew about him and the plans. But he told me all the plans was under "MAYBE"
I was so ashamed of myself even now. I didn't know what to tell people. My phone was ringing and I couldn't pick cos I didn't know what to tell them.
I was learning a craft (which he asked me to learn) as I'd lost my job and he was giving us something at the end of the month. Now I have no job, I've not perfected my craft, no savings and I have a 4yr old to feed, cloth and send to school.
But I've chosen to start my life over again. Loving God, myself and my boy. Drinking garri if that's what we have and forgetting about love. I do not want anything to do with men or their 3rd leg, at least until I'm making my own money again. Looking at my age, it will seem like life has passed me by but.........God is on His throne and he's watching.
I'll keep learning and trying to perfect this my tailoring work. It will be well.
*I know someone that this same thing happened to and it turns out that the guy was already married and just playing a game and didnt know it would go as far as Marriage...Of cos the intent was to bed her well well and he did but going that route was a wicked thing to do...She is yet to move on and has a phobia even talking about marriae.
some men are so wicked and from the pit of hell....
Please like you said, try to start your life over again make sure that you explain to people that it was called off, stop being ashamed about what happeed and know that talking opening about it is another form of healing and finding closure
Looks like you’re more concerned about what the financial perks you lost than the relationship itself.Im not sorry but I don’t feel bad for you.You sound like those people that look at marriage as an escape route from poverty.
ReplyDeleteHey, easy on her , let her feel her feel, your sympathy will not change her feeling, lick some honey o.
Delete@anonymous 15:03,
DeleteWhen people have the courage to say they missed it, they made an error in judgment why do you still judge them?
You have no idea of all the works she has been through. Looking and hoping for a father figure for her son, and yes looking for somone who will help out with finances when she is at a low. She said she lost her job. Is it wrong for her to hope?
Being a single Mum is a reminder that she failed at some point so you don't come and tell her you don't feel sorry for her. She wasn't looking for sympathy but to air her heart and to heal. It is comments like this that makes some people commit suicide out of depression because they couldn't share their failures without being thrown under the bus.
I lost my job.
DeleteI have a 4 year old.
He was giving us something at the end of the month.
I'm 41.
If it's you, would you marry yourself? What do you bring to the table? Oh, sorry, you are the table.
Be playing.
Avoid men and their third leg nah, because he ran away from liability. It's your konji to deal with
I'm on the same page.
DeleteWhat are you on about
DeleteShe told you so you’ll know he was nice to her. What’s wrong with that. Don’t you know that’s what makes this more painful
I don’t get some people what’s wrong with removing someone you love from poverty. It’s probably people like you that entered the guys ears and he took off
DeleteMy father married when he has more financial potential than her. They’ve raised their lovely kids together. He still makes more than she does. In fact she stopped working since. All this the woman is burden talk crack me up. What’s so big in feeding and housing someone in a house you already have while she takes care of the kids or tries to upgrade her career
Anonymous 18:25
DeleteThis is 21st century.
No one is marrying liabilities.
Go hard and upgrade yourself or dey your day.
You people would never support a jobless single father being helped by a woman.. same measure should be returned. No bias
There are 1001 things different people can bring to the table depending on what they have to offer, who they are dealing with and what that person prioritizes.
DeleteBecause she is all of that, you think she has nothing to offer? Maybe to you or anyone who prioritizes finance but to someone with a different expectation she meets, trust me, She is fine!
This is not to say she shouldn't be able to hold her own and be able to take care of herself but just pointing out that human worth and value are endless and vast and can never be constricted into a single variable.
I remember a lady who was broke and jobless on SP who said she gave her friend advice and he made millions and he values her friendship to date. I had a friend whose priority was good looks. Just be handsome and that was all. She dated the finest men alive and supported her husband's career till he became who he is today. She didn't care. She didn't care about money.
For him to go for her in the first place while ignoring the single ladies around despite the age you emphasized, should tell you there was something there- something unique about her that mattered to him - which he later ignored for what he felt mattered even more to him. Maybe along the line he couldn't hold it together and that was why I asked her if he was financially capable.
All those things up there do not define her. Someone else with a different expectation she meets would marry her in a heartbeat if she crosses his path.
18:43 you’re funny
DeleteYou’re calling a whole human God created a liability.
Most of the commenting female Bvs here have no chill for financially challenged men or even men earning well but lesser than their partners. There was a post in which majority of the women commended a cheating wife and shamed her complaining husband because they believed she was funding the family from her cheating proceeds though the posts did not say she was unemployed.
DeleteSome female Bvs see a husband only as a pocket of money.
Maybe that is why some commenting male Bvs and even very few female Bvs look down on any woman dependent on a man.
Anon 22:57, some persons don't understand that life can happen to anybody, no matter how hard you may have tried to put your life in order. I'm married to a single father with 2 kids and I'm currently the bread winner because he's going through a down season in life.
DeleteSometimes, I feel overwhelmed but I remind myself that like Esther, God may have brought me into his life for a time like this. No, he isn't lazy or stingy, has a job and a side hustle but is going through a dry spell right now. Poster, it is well, just keep working hard.
May be the man is married too.
DeleteMao AKuh
Poster stop being ashamed, you didn't commit crime by loving.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard but life is a gift we all must appreciate.
So pick up and keep it moving, God has not and will not forget you
I don’t want to sound insensitive but please count your blessings. This may be hard but you are alive, you are well, you have a son. Only broke, without a job in a difficult country. That’s hard but not the worst. You had a job at some point meaning you are employable. I am not in anyway downplaying the difficulty you face and how hard it is to find a job but I bet there are some people here even on sdk who are worse off. No job, no child, no work experience, maybe have a sickness and maybe the child is sick too and many more things people face in the journey called life. If you get a job now 90% of your problems are solved. Please brighten up and have a little faith. We are all dealing with something. Mr man may come back but don’t count on it, but be positive, better days ahead. Just try to be focused and raise the boy right. Favor will come at God’s time. Your case is not hopeless.
Delete*Redacted Identity
It's well poster, you will finish strong if you do not faint
DeleteCheer up!
DeleteYou didn't tell us how you got your son ? fornication is a sin and God has warned us about it sex is only in marriage ,the chance of a single mother getting married to a bachelor is rare not in this economy their best target is a married man or a widower better that you have known now and face your trade nobody want any liability from an irresponsible man
ReplyDeleteOniyeye
DeleteStop being judgemental. Gosh!
DeleteWhat do you need the information of how she got her son for, like you are a saint nawahoo
DeleteWhat's your business on how she got her son? What a perverse mindset. You wanna imagine the process? Come and enter heaven let me see!
DeleteAssistant Jesus.. May God have mercy on your judgemental soul. Is fornication the only sin on earth?
DeleteDo not judge is a command from Jesus christ and you have sinned by disobeying God.
Go and ask her Mr gone and her child is not a liability.
DeleteAssistant Jesus, do you feel better now! Na wa o. Bitter leaf people everywhere
DeleteThis goke guy always going left, very judgmental, lacks sympathy and always blaming the victim. May I not meet your type in real life. So she should rather abort to fit your narrative, she made a mistake at 37 probably due to desperation to get married or deliberately chose to have a child, her child her decision. its not compulsory to comment.
DeleteThank God the ticket booklet to heaven it's not in your hands, thank God that our Almighty God will never station you at the heaven's gate , she will answer to you because you are , everytime formication fornication abeg shift from here
DeleteJudgemental people like you goke are usually the worst sinners with the darkest of hearts!!!
DeleteMtcheeeeeew.
DeleteSluttychic.
Why sounding so judgemental??? This poster is already feeling bad what she needs is encouragement not someone to throw her sins to her face. You brought salt when you ought to bring plaster. I hope you are sinless??
DeleteYou have to sharpen your critical thinking skills. Is it only "fornication" that produces a child? What if she's divorced? Widowed? SMH
DeleteDear Poster, I pray for quick closure for you. Don't think life has passed you. What God will do, he will do irrespective of your age. No need to be ashamed of telling anyone who cared to know that it didn't work out between you two. Just Try to perfect your tailoring skills, I believe soon, you will have a good story to tell.
ReplyDeletePele.
ReplyDeleteFocus on improving yourself and perfecting your craft.
It will be okay.
Chin up and hugs to your little boy.
Some men are really heartless mehhn 😢!
ReplyDeleteNne, you better move on and Stop being ashame, it didn't work be say e no work. Onye dindu gbaa first.
Just continue being strong for you and your baby. Put all your efforts and learn that work. You will survive.
If I can, you will.
Keep praying, don't you ever get tired of praying. If don't know what to pray, give praises. God is still on the throne.🤗🤗🤗
So what do they gain by hurting one this way ?
ReplyDeleteOh! You poor summer child.... You thought he CHANGED? Tell me you are not this naive. He didn't change! That's who he's always been. You fell for a schemer honey. That's all you did. You should know men like this by now. He only wanted what was between your legs and now that he's gotten it, he bounced!
ReplyDeleteEverything he told you was a lie. Every preparation he had you doing was just to give elaboration to his plans. He needed you to steadily keep supplying the cookie. That was all you were to him.
There are men who prey on your kind of women. Women who are single, maybe a mother and still expectant that one day she'll finally say I do. Those men can perceive those kind of women from afar and they do everything to get them. They may even go as far as doing introduction. But all of it is just a game to him. He just wants to sleep with you.
Don't beat yourself up o! Even the smartest of women still fall for this kind of thing. Just dust yourself up and move on. No be man suppose dey worry you now. You need to be self sustaining otherwise you are just waiting to be taken advantage of by the next man around the corner.
I don talk my own o. BVs anything dey to add again?
Yes. He may have left too for other reasons Poster would not agree with if told. Not all people have the power to explain tire.
DeletePosters are not all blameless as their post says.
Who knows whether she was choking him with bills.
DeleteSon school fees, feeding, clothing, mother need money etc. she's jobless right? So ALL and every expenses was on him
Baba had to take off for his life..
She must have thought sex was all she had to offer
18:22 why are you excusing bad behavior
DeleteHe didn’t know all this when he was leading her on
This sounds like those chasing clout here ,the noise is everywhere that nobody will believe that there is no communication or physical contact. ..Who is deceiving who???
ReplyDelete‘ But he told me all the plans was under "MAYBE"’
ReplyDeleteWhen did he tell you this? Before he ghosted you? Then what did you do about it? A man doesn’t marry under ‘maybe’. When it happens, the man is usually very intentional.
Are you sure you didn’t speed things along yourself because of your circumstance I.e almost 40, with a kid, probably needed financial support as well? If so, I would suggest you take things slower next time. No one likes being rushed into a serious commitment. For a man who was given you a monthly allowance and advising on skill acquisition so you improve your finances, I am not sure he is such a bad person, he just may have reacted to your desperation in the worst way possible.
There will be another chance hopefully and by then, I believe you should have learned some lessons from this relationship. Until then, please work on your finances so no matter what happens, you are financially okay.
I wish you the best.
Mystic
This is a very sad story. Life hasn't passed you by, woman! Focus on your craft, trust God and he will bless you.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how hard anyone tries to deny this, the truth is, if a boyfriend or fiance jilted, ghosted or called off an engagement, you will not be terribly hurt, you will not be deeply hurt and you will not feel like your world is crumbling right before you if he had no carnal knowledge of you.
The fact that you did not allow him access to your body will be a sort of consolation. And that is the TRUTH.
Read what she wrote carefully. She gave him everything including her body that's why she's saying she wants to avoid men and their 3rd leg for now.
DeleteDA you can’t read all that in that chronicle
DeletePoster love yourself some more. At this age you should know better. You said no fight or argument, as he ended it that way, you too should move on.
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry about how you feel
ReplyDeleteDo take care and try to be happy with yourself
If he ended it with maybe how did the planning of the trad come about ? Where you about to force him to marry you? Madam pls concentrate on feeding yourself and son Biko inugo
ReplyDeleteSorry about your expereince.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in your own words... "I was learning a craft (which he asked me to learn) as I'd lost my job and he was giving us something at the end of the month"...
This does not sound entirely like someone who did not wish you well. Contrary to the general opinion, I do not think he was only after your body too.
Give us the full story, so that we can advice better. All the same, may God heal your broken heart.
He was
DeleteThe money probably meant nothing to him so don’t think it was done for good will
Poster, move on and stop feeling sad about what happened. May you find your own man. He clearly don't deserve you.
ReplyDeleteFace your life and child, perfect your skill and all will be fine last last, Age is just a number if you start accepting it. I wish i have the opportunity to learn skill too.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteThe way of the lord is not the way of man.
ReplyDeletePoster, God will see you and your son through. Keep perfecting your craft and watch yourself soar high!
You're Blessed beyond measures, Amen.
I feel very sorry for you. I am a man and I know that this is a wicked act. He toyed with your emotions. He never intended settling down with you. Please move on. Do not for once think that all men are like that. There are still men who do not go out to hurt people's feelings. And please, every man is not all about "third leg". You will still find love. I pray for you. Sorry once again.
ReplyDeleteThere is hope for those who are called to repentance and have been cleansed with the Blood of the lamb.
ReplyDeleteLove yourself more and pray earnestly to God. Only him will make your crooked way to become straight. Have a personal relationship with God above all things.
Poster out yourself out there and meet another man
ReplyDeleteThat’s why they say men remarry fast after break up
Women una too dey run back to shell
In life you win some you lose some. Carry on and meet another man
There are bachelors looking for ready made family. Ignore the loud people saying no man will take you with your child. Go for sensible men that understand a good woman. Talk to those in your life and let them know you’re available
I don't think he came solely to sleep with you. I honestly believe he was serious with you at first but along the line, he changed his mind. It could be friends' or family's interference or just the thought of carrying not just yours but also your son's responsibility that tipped him off. Who knows, he probably felt choked along the line with responsibilities he thought he could handle at first or ones he never knew would spring up. He advised you to learn a trade and was giving you feeding allowances but after a while, was he also paying your son's school fees? How financially stable was he?
ReplyDeleteI didn't think you did anything wrong to make him leave either. He just got fed up with the whole arrangement and bounced.
You started dating in 2020, right? This means you had a job when he met you and later lost. Was it after you had already picked a date for your wedding or before you lost your job? He started chipping him just for a while hoping that things would pick up on your end. Well, I think his interest started to dwindle at that point hence his "maybes" and he didn't think he could be responsible and make provision for you and your son anymore.
I don't know the kind of profession you had and how huge it was but I doubt if you were jobless to start with he would have come around. This is not surprising in this era where the first thing I hear most ladies complain about most men ask them when they meet for the first time is, "What do you do?" The concern for a lady's profession or financial state now takes precedence over any wifely traits she might have.
Don't feel bad because you will meet someone else. Mind you, I am not saying this to make you feel better. It is just life. Even those older than you are in their 50s and 60s have toasters and are getting hitched. Even grandpas and grandma's nearing 100 years still find love. However when your man shows up, which he will eventually, just know you have a quality which he deems more important than having a job. A quality he was ready to overlook every single thing you think men view as a hindrance.
My cousin is an example. He doesn't care if a woman is older, jobless or has a child. I remember him saying he just wanted someone that had a specific trait I would rather not divulge and that trait was his priority. He doesn't care because Well, he is Rich, loves kids a lot and prefers older women.
This man who left you, left because you lacked that trait he prioritized which to him could be financial sustenance. Does that make him a bad person? No. What made him a bad person was the ghosting and the fact he left no room for closure.
Remember in romantic relationships. People would always do whatever they feel is best for them. If someone loves you they are not doing you a favour.
They found something they value.
He probably felt he wouldn't need to shoulder so many responsibilities but life happened and you lost your job so he left.
My dear, your own man will come in due time. He's not for you. Just dust yourself up and move on.
ReplyDeleteOasis...
You'll be fine, it's been 3 whole years, try and heal, you'll be fine, do not rush into any relationship yet
ReplyDeleteI understand you’re hurt and all but please do not cry over spilt milk. People ghost me all the time so I have learnt to decenter men and face my career and life and making myself happy. You said you’re learning a skill (congratulations!!) is there a way you can add something extra to make a little money on the side while you still learn the skill ? Maybe selling snacks, water at the shop you learn the skill at (speak to your boss about this first) please focus on this new skill coz it’s very very profitable , if possible let your sons dad or family help out financially too. In a few years you will be a boss with your own shop and apprentices . Just do not despise humble beginnings and Goodluck
ReplyDeletePoster be happy and pray for God's favor. Thank God you even have a child some of us don't and no hope of having one..so pls be happy
ReplyDeletePoster be happy and pray for God's favor. Thank God you even have a child some of us don't and no hope of having one..so pls be happy
ReplyDeleteIf you actually want a child, as in a child, adoption agencies never finish for Nigeria.
DeleteQuite sad, poster may the good Lord come through for you.
ReplyDeletePoster love yourself that any other love will be a plus. He left because you lost your job . Love is unconditional.
ReplyDeleteLike I heard one said " I like her but I don't like her again because she doesn't change clothe": What if she enters boutique tomorrow and get clothes will you still love he?Material love though.
The only way to heal is to love yourself, get a job , stay happy and don't give up on love.
For him to tell you to learn a skill and still support monthly he is not a bad person like that ,but if he had ghosted maybe the bills is much or he felt it's not something he can in the long run, just don't worry another man will come , pls you see marriage don't be fast with it with a man for you to be saying that people are calling you asking how far,maybe you must have rushed d marriage and planned only you you re on a speed dial a man should be planning marriage with you ,not you planning and hoping that it will come through, once he develop cold feet and said that maybe that should be told you that it I'll never be or he wants to take it slowly, learn from this one
ReplyDeleteI really feel for you poster the Lord is your strength.
ReplyDeletePoster, you have your baby, it’s one less thing you have to worry about. Please find a foundation, charity or NGO focused on helping single mothers or impoverished women. Please get up and go see what is out there for you, closed mouths do not get fed, do not be ashamed to tell your story. If you have a religious affiliation, join a congregation. Yes, you will have to face judgments and stigmas, as you can see from this post, but do not let that stop you. Whatever shame you must face, take it for the sake of your little one. No condition is permanent and that is 100% facts. I have seen ppl in worst conditions than yours whose life transformed beyond their wildest imaginings, so always keep hope and faith alive.
ReplyDeleteGhosting a 3year old relationship is terrible for a man above 30. I'm also talking to myself cos I have ghosted in the past but only in talking stage and pre-talking stage. But mehn, ghosting a whole relationship is unfair. However, I think generally, many Nigerians lack relationship communication skills. It is much better to communicate your desire to end a relationship (even if no reason is given), than to avoid or run from it. Having difficult conversations is part of adult hood.
ReplyDelete