Living together before Marriage is not a big deal to some people but for some ,living together is the reason the Marriage did not happen, because it exposes all hidden red flags.....
Living together is not a big deal abroad, infact couples do it to be sure they are compatible to live together before they try it......
In Nigeria living together is a taboo and the most that is done is that they couple may spend weekends together....
I dont have a problem with living together because i know it helps couple decide if they really want to get married..
Did anyone here live with their spouse before Marriage? or just spent weekends? Did it help? Is there anyone here who wishes they had lived together with their spouse before Marriage?
Do you wish you knew back then, what you know now?
What is your view generally on this?
Lets gist!
I was living with my boyfriend then because of accommodation issues.
ReplyDeleteI lost my self respect..
Thank God I could save to rent my single room later.
Living together before marriage is a no no for me; whether in Naija or abroad
DeleteLiving together before marriage goes along way to make or mal a relationship depending on both parties.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm
It's gona be an interesting discussion
*to make or mar
DeleteGoes a long way
DeleteThank God for living together. I lived with my ex boyfriend and it helped me see he wasnt for me. I caught him in so many lies and other bad behaviour i wouldnt have seen if we didnt live together. I lived wirh my next boyfriend and we are now married. Livin together helps you see the person and if they have the right values. Pls note livin together works better if ur both working and u have ur own income. Not move in jst to be a maid
DeleteWell said Eesah👍👍👍👍
DeleteMy view, whether home or abroad, I don't like the idea of couple living together before marriage. Visiting accepted.
ReplyDeleteIn Nigeria if you are living with a man here, most times they leave the lady to go marry another.
You don't need to live together before marriage to know all the important things you need to know about your partner before marrying them. Just get a honest partner and be sincere to each other, and also run a background check on them to see if you are good to go. Only cheap people live together before marriage. Cohabiting before marriage only encourages premarital sex and all the evils that comes with it
ReplyDeleteI come in peace
🚶♂️🚶♂️
Very well said bv. ESSAH
DeleteI don't think living together is a taboo in Nigeria to the best of my knowledge unless maybe to some tribes I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI for once don't even fancy it and I won't fault anyone cohabiting. The only two advice I will give if one chooses to cohabit are,
1. If you are a Christian don't fornicate.
2. If you're not a Christian or if you are and got your partner pregnant in the period of your dating, do everything possible to legally perform the traditional rites on her to avoid stories that touches the heart.
I didn't cohabit for once, rather she was visiting all through at the time.
How feasible is no 1? Dey play
DeleteYour number2 is not a valid reason to get married.what if they don't love each other enough they should get married cus the lady is pregnant? No na!
DeleteThey don't love each and they cohabit to the extent the she would open her legs wide to collect gbola raw. So who's senseless here?
DeleteIf they both don't love themselves, why cohabit in the first place? The reason I said performing traditional rites is cos, to some tribe the child won't belong to the man without those traditional rites.
Peradventure something unfortunate happen to the lady during childbirth, the man gets into a bigger problem.
Pregnancy can occur whether they are living together or not. Courtship is an accepted factor for a good relationship to take place. There is absolutely nothing wrong for one to visit the other during the time of courtship but most be very careful. One cannot fully know the other if there's no form of closeness but living together before marriage is absolutely totally wrong. As two adults, they can choose to have an intimacy but not to reside in the same house before marriage. No matter how they love each other there's every tendency that one person must surely find fault from the other. There is an attitude one person can display unintentionally, and a every big fight will erupt. So it's totally wrong for two people to stay together before marriage.
DeleteI didn't live with my hubby before marriage. The highest I did was spend weekends at his place. I personally don't encourage living with a man who hasn't paid your bride price because that bride price may never be paid.
ReplyDeleteI don't see it as a big deal ..it works for some people and it doesn't work for some....I didn't live with my hubby before marriage...just spend d holiday with him sometimes cos I was schooling when I met him
ReplyDeleteExactly. Let people do what suits them. I personally don’t like it cos of my friends experience. my friend who did was so disrespected by the guy that she had to practically beg his mother to beg him to marry her. He could just call and tell her to get lost b4 he got home for no reason and she will beg him. I guess it works for some and not others .
DeleteMy question is, please those that live with a man that hasn’t married them, what do they tell their parents? As in how do they tell their parents that they are now permanently living with a man that hasn’t done the right thing, knowing fully well that they are having sex??
ReplyDeleteAbii my question too. Mehn coming from a loving home— I love home why love with a man? Even as a single working woman I lived alone for my space
DeleteTheir parents think it'll make them wed faster. Others their parents lived that way so don't find it strange. And some too think that's how it's done these days.
DeleteOnce u start living together, there will be no reason to marry any more, especially for the guys cause everything u are supposed to enjoy during marriage,u are already enjoying so why waste money for nothing..
ReplyDeleteThis!
DeleteCorrect
DeleteSo men should be or are starved into marriage?
DeleteThis standard only stands for the people who married as virgins, never spent a night together, and never spent time doing for each other what married couples do for each other. How many people are in this group?
You people have really normalized msogyny as a way of life. Men who hate women and have no regard for women are not the normal measuring stick. Its ok to live with a man if you are both on the same page and have the same values and can afford it. So many women date men for 10 years and end up being dumped. Plesse lets stop thinking everyone needs to have a conservative life style. So many women married as virgins and today are unhappy. A man either values you or he doesnt. Its simple
Delete11:42 You must be very young and very naive.
DeleteIt is the ONLY 'measuring stick' in this country. (Whatever a measuring stick is)
Mysogyny is way of life in Nigeria, perpetrated by men and upheld by women. Disgusting, backwards, archaic, bush society.
Anon 12:44. I am not young. Very experienced in life. Yes majority of Nigerian men are misogynists and many women too. But guess what? Thats why one has to live their lives for them, make their own rules and silence the noise.
DeleteIn my own view I won't advise partners to live together before marriage...there are a lot of things you can tolerate as couple but not as partners. After I got married, there are some attitudes from wife that got me surprised, but I tolerated them and even regarded them as jokes..
ReplyDeleteSuch attitudes if we were still dating would have ended the relationship. Some sacrifices you make while in marriage, you might not make half of such sacrifices during dating/courting.
Thanks 👏
DeleteThank you oooo I’m a woman and I fully support it. I’m very much tolerating some stuff now but would’ve walked out in the r/ship and I’d be no better maybe single and a gwegs
DeleteSee finish must enter in most cases.
ReplyDeleteOnce you cohabit see finished set in, no respect because you are always there, it won't encourage your man to come and do small thing for your head while he will be doing plenty things for your waste. God abeg o 🤲.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha
DeleteI don't encourage partners living together before marriage because it will result in see finish and before you know it the babe will fall pregnant and paying of bride price will be story for another generation.
ReplyDeleteIn some cases the man will end up marrying another lady that refused to cohabit with him.
It ain't my thing but I have no feelings about other ppl who do it. But sometimes you see couples who lived together for over a decade, even many dacdes, then they marry and within a year or two after marriage they divorce. Just bizarre.
ReplyDeleteIf I had lived with hubby before marriage, maybe I would know that he is dirty. He would sleep with sweaty body and smelling head (from sweat and dust) , remove boxers and leave it on the floor, remove shirt and singlet and leave on the chair in the sitting room, poop and flush but will not use brush to clean all the edges where poop splashed on, removes his shoes and drops them anywhere, I arrange wardrobe everyday, he will scatter everywhere again after .etc. I wish we are bouyant enough to rent a three bedroom flat and he has his own room. We share the same room but separate bed and it's still tiring. I warned him not to come near me for sex any night that he doesn't bathe and brush his teeth. He has been complying. If you see him bath at night, he wants to gbensh.
ReplyDeleteEwww. Pele
DeleteWahalurrrrr lol
DeleteSee life. Hygiene and cleanliness is so vital. This is why I insist that I must have my own bathroom, I don’t care how much I love a man, I need my own bathroom. Cause with our different anatomies and ideas of cleanliness we need our own hygiene spaces and it is non-negotiable.
DeleteMy dear many ppl of old had peaceful homes because they had their own bedrooms and bathrooms, don’t let anyone tell you anything about bonding and what not. Even my own mother wished she had her own bedroom, she has had it with my dad’s snoring all these decades keeping her up at night.
May financial abundance fall on you so you can know domestic peace.
I prefer living together. That will help you identify the negative sides of your partner that you cannot manage. It will help you know how compatible you are. I believe you can live together with no sexual immorality involved. This can be possible if you have a partner that respects your values and beliefs. You must first have a heart to heart conversation on the need to keep sexual immorality out of the relationship. In the night one person can sleep in the parlor and the other person in the room. You can aswell achieve that even in a one room apartment.
ReplyDeleteWe did this and it worked for us. No sex until after marriage. We got married 4 months after we met... 10yrs and counting.
DeleteNa big temptation sha. Big one, anyhow you look at it. I think it is better to flee the temptation sef. If people can succumb when they don't live together, how much more when they do?
DeleteLiving together before marriage is a No for me.cyril.and charity where living together, everyone knew them in church and thought they would eventually get married only for Cyril to go tell his parish priest to come help him talk to charity to leave his house giving excuse that he's mum didn't approve their union,he went to the village a few months later and got married to someone else.charity put up a brave face moved out of the house and even sang at Cyril's wedding then went home to cry her eyes out.
ReplyDeleteA few years later while cyril was still childless charity got married and started giving birth almost every year while it took Cyril almost five years to have one child and another five years to have a daughter
Sang at his wedding? Charity is one of a kind.
DeleteOur path are divinely different that's is why what works for A may not work for B.i met my husband at a job interview and we we he re both successful .I liked he immediately I set my eyes on me but left after the interview without exchanging pleasantries because of distance. Three months to the job we met and lit up.
ReplyDeleteHe gave access to his apartment on first visit which I turn down but he insisted well I collected the key. He told me that I can visit anytime I want and also sleep over(was coming to work from another town cos I couldn't afford accommodation yet)
I accepted to cohabit inorder to save for accommodation, best decision ever and share house hold expenses. We had no sex for first six months and slept in different rooms until we were sure to make it happen. Three months after he asked to see my parents an perform the rites in three weeks, fourteen years later we still here.
ReplyDeleteWow. I love happy endings. Congratulations
DeleteWow
DeleteI don't like it jare the man will just be gbenshing you anyhow as you are free and always available. Abi who still wants to buy cow when you can easily get free milk?
ReplyDeleteNa woman wey wan gbensh man dey gbensh anyhow.
DeleteWomen like shifting responsibility and dodging their willing particpation in pre marital gbenshing.
Did the cohabiting thing. Went ahead and got married. The woman i married and the woman i dated seem to be two different individuals. Omo, whatever happened to the explosive sex we used to have when dating? And na me been dey run that time because she was wanting it twice daily. Now that we are married, highest 3 times in a month. Anyways sha, me i don accept my cross.. cos I know say if madam wan start again na me go still run. Abeg make e remain like that.
ReplyDeleteBesides these days wey economy dey para na grace of God dey give erection now.
Thank you. It is an old open secret that women use it to tantalize men into marriage - a.k.a. see wetin you go get if you marry me or wetin you go miss if you let me go.
DeleteWhat is living together?
DeleteSpending weekends is not living together?
Spending holidays is not living together?
Visits at home during which both man and woman engaged in all married people do is not living together.?
Can man or a woman not be satisfied gbenshingly of each other after one act of it
We all like to pose at being better the other.
What you saying now, economy causing dead wood upandan?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteNo, if we have lived together before marriage...... Not sure i would have agreed to be married. Hubby be introducing strange character everyday.well , I understand sacrifice that's the reason why I'm carrying on.
ReplyDeleteI don't like the idea at all. I know someone who did for 4 years now and they are still not married. It's a No home and abroad
ReplyDeleteThis discussion no be for us wey dey double date. I like my space. How can I dribble 4 men conveniently if I’m living with one🤔
ReplyDeleteMai dia follow me ask o 😂
DeleteTrue 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteHow can you enjoy maximum flexing with them if you live with one?
I miss my single days some times 😟
Let me go ask Oprah. I de come
ReplyDeleteLiving together before marriage is ungodly,“Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
ReplyDelete— Hebrews 13:4 (KJV)