She said, “A lot of women stay in unhealthy marriages for the children. For the longest you hear so many women say things like, ‘the marriage is done but I only stay for my kids.’
“And I’m going to be honest here, if I have had a kid while I was married, I may have been one of those women. Because I also had the trauma of losing both parents at the age of 8. I mean, I was adopted. I have a great life which I’m thankful for but there were times that I wondered what life could have possibly been like if that didn’t happened.
“So, for the sake of my children, I may have had to compromise just because I wanted them to have mum and dad. I may have been one of these women. So, I’m not even judging anyone right here.”
“So, for the sake of my children, I may have had to compromise just because I wanted them to have mum and dad. I may have been one of these women. So, I’m not even judging anyone right here.”
From Dailypost
Well, if the place is toxic for you and the kids, staying back because of them will damage them. What will then be your gain? MO
ReplyDeleteExactly, this will even make you have kids that you might regret your action tomorrow. They forget that children do what they see happen in their homes. You would have kids that are emotionally draining tomorrow
DeleteExactly Cyn,I can't expose my kids to toxicity. Most women stay because of financial incapacity.
DeleteAll of you will stay. No dey cap.
DeleteMost of you didn't stay because the man left.
Abi na women gan be the toxicity 9 out if 10 times.
DeleteI believe her. It was not easy for her to leave her ex in spite of all she faced.
DeleteI agree with her. Most marriages still exist because of the children
ReplyDeleteThe fruit of marriage can make one to rethink and rethink
DeleteMao Akuh
You're right
DeleteToxic marriage isn't healthy for anyone. These are children that would grow up and leave their lives while you remain traumatised for life. it is better you move with the kids never leave them behind and use the court to get child support which is the reason why a lot of women stays back. No strong financial backup. So you use the court , pray to get a better man and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteGood that you are not judging. No Nigerian woman I know would want to leave her marriage if the place is great. Pray you never be in a marriage with a physical and emotional abusive man you would run out without any clothes on your back
ReplyDeleteIt is not good to raise kids in a toxic home. Hers was not toxic, her hubby was a cheat but was not beating nor abusing her, so maybe she could have stayed but protect herself from STDs.
ReplyDeleteLMAOOOO.
Delete'Cheating is not toxicity?'
Na only when dem beat you na toxicity?
The mental, physical, emotional and spiritual, marital, financial implications on you, the children and family is not toxic?
Do you even know what 'toxicity' means?
'So maybe she could have stayed and protect herself from STDs' the height if smelling desperation and pickmeism. Tueh!!!🤮
Nigerian women always reasoning like subjugated apes.
Different strokes for different folks
ReplyDeleteHmmmm......... I don't think I would stay in a toxic environment for any reason at all. I too love myself and I can never get tired of protecting myself.
ReplyDeleteRaising kids in a toxic home should not be encouraged at all.
I understand this
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to relationships issues and news you will see everyone jumping up and down writing epistles as if they are Authority When it comes to that. The point is this life is so complex and that there is not one answer fits all When it comes to human relationships and how humans behave. In the western world where people separate under the slightest circumstances. They still have the most broken and unstable people. Any strong human can overcome adverse situations and come out strong no matter what .
ReplyDeleteI pray God continues to bless marriages, lots of issues affecting it,these days. Money,abuse,both physical and emotional,incompatible,lack of compassion and commitment. God help us,we cannot do it on our own 🙏🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteOmo this staying because of my kids is not a good thing, cos these children will end up loving in an unhealthy toxic environment.
ReplyDeleteMy own advise is that a mother should plan to keep her kids by herself while she stays away from her husband.
Raising kids in a toxic environment will breed toxic adults. I can't imagine myself staying in a home where I'm physically and mentally abused, I'll run 4/40 and with my kids.
ReplyDeleteMany of these women stay because they're financially handicapp.
Toke is being honest here, if we all carry out a survey of marriages that have lasted beyond 20years, we may discover that each partner at one point or the other sheath their sword because of the kids. This implies both male and female. When kids are involved, separation or divorce should be carefully thought out. It should be the least/last option when their are marital problems.
ReplyDeleteI am liking this version if Toke that I saw in the Kiekie interview and this. I watched the entire interview & im proud of Kiekie for her old school values! Forget the false headlines on the interview. I can tell you the first 3 to 5 years of marriage can seem challenging especially if in-laws and even your relatives are shuttling back and forth to visit , a baby or two or in some cases multiple births are involved. You may feel like running away.
ReplyDeleteIf you and your spouse survive those early years, your love is deep and you are compatible, with God on your side you will celebrate 20 and 50. I always exclude domestic violence, laziness and wickedness from either side or those who blab everything going on between them to third parties.
I am old school older woman who believes my high income should be used to help my husband so we give each other a high quality of life. Kiekie used rent or mortgage but Tome the former symbol of feminism sad she doesn’t believe in collecting housekeeping or feeding money! I believe most people are innately goid & lack of communication is a problem. The biggest problem causing marital breakdown is “testing” many women or men before or during marriage. It breeds dissatisfaction. Same with comparison & too much partying with demand for expensive uniform clothes.
A neighbor once asked my then older teenagers to drive his Bentley around our subdivision & take sm pics (just trying to be friendlier with us.) We own luxury cars but nothing like Bentley so I politely declined telling him they need to work for whatever they drive (at the time their after school job was barely $8/hour for two hrs every other day)!
Their cars were sooo far from Bentley, even as professionals still. If they drove it “we won’t hear word” again from comparing Mercedes or Porsche to Bentley or their Honda or older Hummer cars to Bentley. That’s the bad thing about test driving human beings. God in his wisdom does not like it. Fingers & the other parts are not equal. Contentment is easier if you have no basis for comparison.
I have nobody to compare mine with. All I knew was when dating, anytime he hugged me tight I felt some solid matter so I knew he was ok. Comparison comes with testing and comparison is a joy stealer. Premarital “shopping” & testing leads to marital discontentment… no offense intended
Toke has grown and I love that for her ...its never a one size fits all ..a lot of empathy and understanding should be the watch word when judging other women complex situation ..
ReplyDeleteEven Maje would be having a rethink now because as he left Toke…. How market? Emotional Immaturity is the biggest cause of marital breakdown.
ReplyDelete