Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNGRATEFUL SIBLINGS
I have a family that don't really care about me. They are jealous (I can't really tell why). They are all married, both my seniors and juniors. I am the only single one but still they envy me.
I dont have all the money but I am more comfortable than all of them. They are always asking for money and often times, I send to them. My elder sister is the only one who doesn't ask but she will look for one project that will warrant me dropping money. Whenever I refuse to send money, my elder brother especially will insult the hell out of me.
My problem now is I think about them a lot. I worry about them. I worry about their welfare. Sometimes I will just pick up my phone with the intention of transferring money to one of them and then my spirit will begin to fight me, giving me a thousand and one reasons why I should focus on myself alone. I
My problem now is I think about them a lot. I worry about them. I worry about their welfare. Sometimes I will just pick up my phone with the intention of transferring money to one of them and then my spirit will begin to fight me, giving me a thousand and one reasons why I should focus on myself alone. I
do not want a situation where it will be on their sick bed that I will start helping them. I have given three of them money to start business but they always keep coming back. Despite their faults, I still find myself wanting to help. Is this normal please?
*The reason you do this is because you are full of love and this is between you and God and not them...Do what you can but dont overstrecth yourself....If you think they are envious and have the entitlement mentality then you need to change that narrative.....
*The reason you do this is because you are full of love and this is between you and God and not them...Do what you can but dont overstrecth yourself....If you think they are envious and have the entitlement mentality then you need to change that narrative.....
Send all of them money if you can and go totally quiet on them......do not take their calls or read thier messages...... If your brother calls you to insult you, cut the phone on him..Put your feet down on being treated shabbily please...
I think you need counselling. You didn’t say a whole lot in your chronicle but you said enough to let me know that you need counselling.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn’t need anything
DeleteShe’s just a good person that helps people and they are taking advantage
She doesn't need counselling,she is a good person and they are taking advantage of her.
DeleteThere is more going on with the BV and like I said, she needs counselling. Even ‘good people’ need counselling.
DeleteI totally agree with you Anon. She needs counselling. You see takers have no limits. Even if tomorrow you marry and have 10 children. They will still ask and insult and talk down on you.
DeleteCould it be that you are seeking for love and approval. That’s why you do this
You really need to ask yourself why you do it and sincerely, your answers will determine your next steps.
Note that you also need to save money and have investments for yourself to save for the rainy day
Zendaya
Block all their numbers for one full year. Only unblock to wish them well during the festive period, then block them back.
DeletePlease try to be selfish, it is not a crime to be. Since you are still single invest in yourself, go for vacation, give your self treats, invest in your skills or education. Ignore this people because with the way their going they will also ignore you too in future.
ReplyDeleteYour siblings won't be there for you in the case you need them. Save for your rainy days. To be insulting you in your presence, imagine what they're saying at your back. Your money, your insurance, your future. Guard it.
DeleteIn your absence, won't the survive?
💯
DeleteStella is right, you have much love in your heart.
ReplyDeleteI think the phase you are right now, you are trying to buy their love which you will never get, your soul yearns for family and siblings love that's why you want to continue spending on them.
You will be surprised that the difficult and selfish ones will seems close to each other but if you pay deep attention, they don't care about each other just that they have matching energy.
If you are on the right side, let them be, what will be will be.
Felicity
Nah
DeleteShe grew up with them and wants them to succeed too
Before u go cold on dem ,, invite dem to a small family party where each one will write what they want d money for. See what u can do ,, at least they wont be hiding all what u give dem from each other.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm
ReplyDeleteYou are nice to a fault shaaa.. Please, you need to look away some times if you don't want to have bp.
Follow Stella's advice
Send them money if you have but don't pressure yourself at all. Continue to love them and live your best life too. Always ask God to lead you, especially the holy spirit when the situation is tough.
ReplyDeletePoster you sound like you have unresolved traumas and low self - esteem issues...,Even Santa Claus comes bearing gifts during Christmas period which is once in a year...
ReplyDeleteDo you have aspirations, goals and projects to embark on? In a bid to give money to your loved ones, you must have your ' reserved tank''...These people will laugh at you when you have given your all to me without any sort of savings or do you think they will reciprocate or hoping that the universe will reward you somehow?
You better look out for yourself, no dey carry family matter for your head cause it will never end...Takers don't quit asking and demanding from you, I won't be surprised they have some money saved some where but they know that Mama Africa will save the day.....You can see the animosity brewing even from your good heart gestures...
You call them to ask for money for headache, I bet with my pointed nose that will not lift a finger to help you...Your brother calls to insult on top your own money...Can never be me sha! Never be me!!
Be wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove.
All the best
Phoenix she might not have trauma or low self esteem, a cheerful and kind hearted person with so much love acts like the way poster reacts.
DeleteYou just said absolutely everything I want to say.
DeletePoster? Have you fully invested in yourself? Do you have a degree(s), a career or business? do you dress well? do you eat good food?
Why invest so much energy, time and thoughts on people who don't care a hoot about you? What makes you think they are in dire financial straits and not doing better than yourself?
What I can deduce from you chronicles is that you are lonely and need company. If you had someone or friends around you you wouldn't have the time to be so involved in your siblings life especially when in your view they don't care.
My advice, go for a course, make friends, take good care of yourself, basically do things to preoccupy you, that way, you will be so busy to call this siblings of yours and the may eventually be the ones calling you.
Continue to do -
ReplyDeleteIf you are getting though sending, please send. E get why. The matter cannot be fully explained as it is not easily verifiable. Those who know the good and bad actuations of the phenomenon know.
Secure your tomorrow -
Since you are not married and presumably not having children, try and invest in good landed property as a store of wealth and safe fx if you know how and have so much as a hedge against inflation.
Reasons -
Embittered family can bring down.
Family cared for are generally not known to reciprocate when the benefactor sibling goes broke, gets old without supporting children. There are exceptions but few.
Mr. Mann
continue being stupid in the name of blood is thicker than water. whatever that means...how can you call me and insult me because i don't give you money then you come back again? maybe because i was raised in an independent family...6 sibling and 2 not doing so well but they dont behave entitled and are grateful when we give. even my parents now retired do not even trouble us but will ask if it becomes necessary as we send monthly upkeep...honestly just stop. they also look at it like you have no family to spend on so what do you do with money...be wise my dear and dont let sentiments cloud your reasoning
ReplyDeleteYou just need to be a little selfish,for your wellbeing and try savings. You can't satisfy everyone.
ReplyDeleteI wish u can just forget about this people and focus on yourself.. I just feel like they are using u, just know no one of them will come to help u if the table turn,.. Don't stress yourself over them and just do what u can, don't pressure yourself dear.
ReplyDeleteSend, but not to your detriment.
ReplyDeleteBetter face yourself family needs don't have an end after them you will want to help their children so when you get your own family and wanting to stop that envy will now increase which may be transferred to your children face your front otherwise you will use your hand to land into trouble am talking from experience ,pls try am be saying no atimes let your brother insults you it doesn't show for body
ReplyDeletePlease follow Stella's advice and also secure your future. They might not be there for you when you need them.
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
ReplyDeleteLove your neighbour as yourself, not more than yourself.
Learn to create and enforce boundaries.
Siblings from hell.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar story. After helping for decades, they will now tell you the kids whose school fees you paid have not found jobs after graduation meaning you should start with another generation, though you are about to retire. When will the whole thing stop? When you have nothing? My own parents were enablers in my case. The difference is that I’m not single but they don’t care about my own. It never ends. People who are takers always calculate and base their lifestyle not on their hustle but on another person’s sweat. They never think of the giver! Even Oprah loves gifts even if it’s a $10 gift that’s where “Oprah’s favorite list”started from. Brainwashing and blackmailing. Stop giving and jazzing starts so get close to God. It’s the worst form of toxicity. Investing in people for so long without them freeing you and pulling themselves up.
DeleteYour elder brother a married man insults you when he asks for money and you don’t give him and you still want to give him money? You’ve unresolved trauma! No it’s not normal, the insults should be a cogent reason for you to stop giving those ungrateful leeches money
ReplyDeleteI could have typed this if not that the poster is single but I am married. I stopped 'buying family love' when I eventually got tired, took the Grace of God. Now, I don't call, I don't give, if you manage to reach me, I send what I can and face front. Get busy poster (start a PhD or anything that's a major distraction).
ReplyDeleteMine too except that I’m married with my own family. I have so much I had to take a loan to send my own kids to school! Yet they still hate me and gang up against me!
Delete*I gave so much I had to take loans to send my own kids to school*…. Typo error
DeleteWahala .
ReplyDeleteNo long thing Poster.
Just do for them what you can do.
Don't forget yourself & your future, advice them to be better and let them take it or leave it.
Continue being kind but don't ever allow them over use you.
pls render what ever help you can.Your reward comes from God not man.its well.
ReplyDeletePoster you are doing well.
ReplyDeleteYou really need counseling like this one
You love your siblings yes.
But believe me if anything happens to you financially that's when you will know you are alone. Can you try this
Pretend and tell them that you lost your job or your business is not moving again. After two months start asking them for help to put just food on your table and watch out for their responses.
Be wise
Follow this advise!!!
DeleteGive but don't give what you don't have or will affect your own comfort.
ReplyDeleteYou can't insult me for my money & still get money from me. Never it can never be me , you have to get up & work because i don't own you anything. Infact you can't reach me again. Nonsense.
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Gbam!!!
DeleteYou have a good heart but don't allow your good heart to kill you before your time..I have noticed that people who ask from a giver never stop cos at some point they will start having entitlement mentality.
ReplyDeleteYou need to help your siblings from far but do not over stress yourself about it. Weather you are alive or not they will still survive. You need to find love, settle down and make babies. When you have your own family they will reduce demanding from you. They feel since you don't have anyone you are feeding, you should be dashing them your money.
Do you invest at all?
ReplyDeleteGive them money for business and tell them that if they can't build the business with that money they should know that you have tried your best. After that lock up and invest your money for the future. This kind of siblings may not want you to marry soon so that you will keep giving to them
ReplyDelete...Like others have rightly stated in earlier comments, you need to go for Counselling. Your behaviour is very much like trauma response. There is a fine line between being kind/compassionate and having no/weak boundaries, even for family members! I hope that you are actually investing/saving for your own future rainy day. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteLeo inspired!
What a spirit.....blood 🩸🩸 is thicker than water 💦💦,keep on doing for them.
ReplyDeleteYou can't avoid family, but maybe give them space for a while
ReplyDeleteGive them space
ReplyDeleteLizzy baby