Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmm...

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

BROKEN BEYOND BELIEF

Hello Stella t
Let me start with this question... Is there anyone in this blog that is older than his/her spouse, maybe as a woman you're age bracket/grade with your husband but you look older than him facially, and if it is a yes, how do you cope with side talks, insults from your in-laws, age shaming from neighbors and his friends?

I'm in my early thirties, 31 to be precise but my husband will be 30 in few days. He looks younger than me facially and otherwise, he looks and thinks like a 25yr old boy, I look my age but my husband doesn't. I'm more matured than him physically and otherwise.

When he got to know I was older than him, he was still cool with it, I was totally against it because people might not understand the angle we are coming from.
He persuaded me and let me see reasons why I don't need to be scared, bothered or ashamed about my age, but deep down I wasn't satisfied with his conviction and explanation.

So we all conclude we keep it a secret between our both parents.

Meanwhile the reason why I decided to go ahead with the plans and marry him was out of frustration and depression, he was my only escape route.
He doesn't trouble me and I don't trouble him as well, I support him in everything no matter how little or big. He loves me so very much but I don't love him. He isn't financially buoyant but he is a good man. Another thing about my husband is that he isn't exposed s#xually, like I literally taught him how to s#x a woman, kiss, romance and all. He doesn't know how to communicate at all, the only way he reciprocates to romance is when I make advances towards him, I don't get satisfied during s#x, he has strength to f**k but he doesn't have what it takes to satisfy me.

I can literally vouch that the experience he has now, he got it all from me, he commends my efforts a lot regarding that. When we got married, there's no atom of shege I didn't see from his family. People were saying lots about our marriage, they keep feeling their son did me a favour by marrying me, neighbors were like "this girl will control your son, she's too old for him", if only depression was a person it could have been me, I cried and cried, at some point I was already feeling like committing suicide.

A lot of people were saying mean things behind me to my mother-in-law but she couldn't defend me, like, your son will never provide for them again, I'll take her son (my husband) attention away from them, he is too young to marry, don't allow him marry now, whereas this is the same family I have assisted in some few cases, it's not like I'm taking pride in what I did for them but for me to have given them things like a big new mattress and some jewelry, clothes and shoes, not once oh, they should know I've not come to steal from them, me accepting to marry their son with the level of their poverty it's an added advantage and a favour to them, these are people that don't have mattress in their house, I'm not rich either, I'm only pained due to how they mistreated me ni.

 The first time I visited them was a red flag for me to japa, abi is it when I travelled to my husband paternal village for one function like that, I spent two days, those people starved the hell out of me, I was just snacking till I came back home. I was so ashamed of myself. I'm not looking down on them. but I really dislike how they mistreated me when I was still living with them.

I will wake up to fetch water on my head with a big baff that contains 50litrs for 5-6 times everyday, i became bald headed because of fetching water and the place was swollen. I went to wash my hair one day at a salon, only for the apprentice to draw my attention that aunty " e be like say you dey carry plenty loads too much for your head abi", mehn I was so embarrassed with that statement, I just laughed over it and pretended it didn't hurt me.

I'll cook under the sun for them to eat, morning and evening only for them to report me to my husband that I'm always indoors and I don't come out for them to send me errands, of course I knew his financial capabilities before accepting to marry him but must they treat me like a slave. Not like I benefit anything from. Very entitled, selfish and ungrateful humans.

We now live another city with my husband, I'm currently working but my salary isn't up to 50k, my husband does Uber but currently his car is bad, I had to loan 150k from fair money to fix his car, the plan was if the car is back to base we can be paying small small, but the car is still at the mechanic, no hope of anything till now. The due date expired on the 2nd, and fair money has been on my neck calling me non stop, I can't loan capital from fair money to start up a business because the interest rate is high and I won't survive it that was why I gave the money to my husband to fix his car, we feed from my salary, thou he support financially whenever he has. So tell me how I'm a bad wife to this man I married?

 I just feel I need to start being tough and wicked maybe I'll be treated better. I'm a very patient person, a loner and I endure things a lot, I'm very soft at heart.

While still living with my in-laws, I'm expected to wake up before everyone in the house, greet my in-laws while squatting before doing house chores, the fetching of water was the annoying part, sometimes I will cry my eyes out, my husband of a man could not defend me. Only to be saying sorry to me behind closed doors. I was going crazy. At this point I really dislike his family, of course I can't blame them for my misfortune, I know I'm so unlucky sha.

How can I escape from the hand of an abuser and end up in another situation like this where I'm not loved, respected and cherished. I wasn't lucky in relationships as well, I was always heartbroken but they keep coming back afterwards.

Remember I married him out of frustration and depression.....now this is what transpired for me to end up with him.

Hmmmmm I didn't grow up with my biological parents, I grew up with my uncle who was always abusing me s#xually as a child, he was always beating me at any slightest provocation without clothes on, he will call me to his room for us to gist, the only place to put his hand while gisting is on top my breast, countless times I tried refusing and when I refuse him, he gets angry and be like, he is not a pervert, it's because he's free with me that's why he feels free to rest his hand on my breast, like WTF.

Okay that being said, it went on till I stopped fighting regarding that but I was always avoiding him each time he calls for me. Meanwhile if I resist him he gets angry. I was really disturbed and worried, I couldn't discuss it with anyone else, it kept on till I left the house.

I was very naive, it took a long time before I could really understand it was a s#xual abuse. Meanwhile this is someone that adopted me as a daughter and I call him my daddy.

There was a time we travelled together to a city, thou it was due to my admission, because we were processing one admission like that and it requires we travel together and we couldn't return home that same day because we couldn't finish the process that same day. Thou accommodation wasn't an issue, so we checked in a local affordable hotel 2-3k per night, so I was expecting my Dad (Uncle) to book two rooms for us since we are opposite s#x, only for him to pay for only a room for that night, at that moment, I didn't suppect any form of fowl play to take place, so we checked in, then he asked me to go confirm if we could get something to quench our hunger at that moment which I concurred and went quickly to enquire about the menu available as at that time,

 I went straight to the receptionist but unfortunately we weren't lucky enough to get anything to feed and satisfy our organs and the only remedy or help they could offer was to suggest noddles, so I asked they prepare for only one plate because my Dad (Uncle) doesn't eat noddles, his only option was to snack and wash it down with a chilled drink.

That being settled, it was time for us to have our baths, meanwhile the hotel room has only one bathroom, so he went in first while I waited for him to finish up. Apparently we went in one after the other.

It was now bed time, thou the hotel room has a long couch like that, so in my mind I've already concluded that I'll just sleep on the couch instead and allow him take the bed.

Just when I was about lying down, I heard a voice saying come to the bed, why using the couch at least there's enough space for the two of us, lo and behold it was my Dad's voice, really sir, I was already ragging in anger, for Christ sake how can I join you in bed, I'm not even your biological daughter, we ain't even related by blood. So I told him politely that I was comfortable with the couch but he insisted I join him in bed which I blatantly refused, that was when he raised his voice at me, out of fear I stood up and joined him. He is a narcissist, very manipulative and cunning.

He said I shouldn't be afraid he won't do anything to me, those were his promising words.

That was how the naive me ended up joining him in bed, meanwhile I wasn't free at all, I Was angry and scared at the same time, I couldn't close my eyes for a sec not to talk of sleeping and the time kept crawling like snail, I was awake all through the night, he was also awake as well.

Fast forward to 1am, I felt a tap/touch behind my back , my bumbum to be precised, first I thought it was a mistake then immediately I adjusted to the edge of the bed, not long enough I felt another touch. This time around it wasn't a coincidence but a deliberate and voluntary act, immediately I resisted his advances, that was when he started using force, I had to voice out, I told him I don't like what he is doing, why is he taking advantage of me, is it because I respect and fear him or what, he was now like it's not like that, "I only wanted to just feel you ni, just touching and all I won't go beyond that". Omo I cried that night ehn, I told him I will scream if he persist, I'm like, "but why is this life like this, just because I want to school and this is how I will end up being schooled in bed?

Omo I stood up immediately from the bed, he now started apologising I should let it slide, he didn't know what came over him. We were all awake throughout the night and he didn't make any attempt again, it didn't stopped there oh hmmmmmmmmm

This is where my ordeal began from...

I lost my self confidence and self esteem a long time ago, countless times I feel I'm worthless, no future, because often times my uncle always insult me that I don't have background, and I should be grateful to him for sponsoring me to school, his children does not respect me at all, and my only escape route was to get married, I know a lot of people will be like "why not leave the house, the thing is if you've never been victimized before don't ever judge the victims, they go through a lot, some end up being dead.

We didn't date for long with my husband, already my mind was made up, so we started talking and I declared my intentions to him, he also said he isn't out to play games either. I just told him little about myself, I didn't go deep thou, so he was like don't worry I'll hasten up with the marriage proposal so that I can free you from your uncle, I was very excited and happy at the same time my people because I just needed a total freedom. So that was how I ended up with my husband oh.

About my parents, I only have one aged surviving parent, my Dad passed away when I was still little. This family gist is for another day.

Despite my uncle takes me as his biological daughter which I humbly applaud and respect him for that.

He sponsored me throughout my school, I never lacked anything while in school, he was a father to me but what I had to pay him back with was constant abuse, he will be like, "since you don't want to have sense I will keep embarrassing you like this till you come to your senses".

Meanwhile he doesn't beat, treat or humiliate any of his kids like this.

Of a truth I appreciate his efforts for providing for me and sending me to school but mehn it was a tough one.

I know a lots will judge, critise, insult and blame me for enabling everything, and y'all will be like there are better options and ways to get myself out from such horrible abuse, but you won't understand.

Right now I'm mentally and psychologically damaged, how do I get myself out of this entanglement, will I ever become normal again.

I want to be free from all of these, there is this fulfillment you get when you're married but mine is different, I don't see myself being proud about my marriage, I'm not happy about my marriage, it isn't enticing. If I was stable financially and otherwise I'll just find my way, can't keep staying with him when people keep age shaming me, it's really draining. He is the only one enjoying the marriage not me, he is happy and fulfilled he got married to the love of his life, he doesn't know I don't feel anything for him.

 I just feel we ain't compatible in anyway, he is not a talking type so we don't relate and vibe that much. There's no affection I've ever enjoyed in this life, ranging from family and relationships. I just feel I've failed myself, I'm devastated. Pls I need help, where did I go wrong, pls tell me????

You are really damaged and need help, reading this story, understand why you chose to marry and why you are failing...Please seek help, the problem is not your hubands oh, its you and accepting abuse from his family is the pattern you are comfortable with