CHEATING DUE TO BARRENNESS
I met my husband in 2015 and got married in 2018. We are both 50years of age.
I told him from the very start about my fertility issues and we started treatment almost immediately at Luth and herbal homes for fibroid and blocked tubes, we spent a lot of money on these treatments and in the end we had nothing to show for it.
I met my husband in 2015 and got married in 2018. We are both 50years of age.
I told him from the very start about my fertility issues and we started treatment almost immediately at Luth and herbal homes for fibroid and blocked tubes, we spent a lot of money on these treatments and in the end we had nothing to show for it.
l even had a surgery at Luth for fibroid operation in 2017.
My husband was patient with me, we prayed, did a lot of delivance and kept on using drugs from the hospitals as recommended.
People started talking, family insults came in from my side and his side, the pressure broke me down and I spent a lot of time crying and living in fears of what might happen to us.
The last insults that broke us was when his junior brother called him irresponsible for not having children at his age and that he was wasting money on me for nothing.
Stella, I cried for days and when I was done with crying, I told him to go get a woman pregnant and let me be, cos the pressure was already getting to me, my blood pressure was already above 140.
He refused to go outside to get a woman pregnant , but I insisted, even sent people to convince him, he refused again on several occasions for the whole of last year.
This year, around April, I still raised the same issue and he said he will consider it, only for me to find out he was already in a relationship with a lady around his business area.
I was not too surprised , I let go but was not happy o, the thing pain me small sha and now the lady is pregnant expecting his child, I felt drained and hopeless, I realized I might lose my home for the lady.
I told him my fears that I will like to leave the house peacefully without any drama cos I can't share the house with another woman , he said the other woman can not live with us and he is only interested in the baby not her and he is not going to get married to her , that he told her from the onset that all he wants is the baby.
I laughed at his response and told him no woman will ever accept that kind of proposal and with time she will also pregnant with another child and eventually DH will get married to her.
Even though we did court wedding and traditional as well but we all know in Africa , na the person wey get pinkin get husband.
DH said he believes I will also get pregnant with time but that the pressure on him as a first son and insults from the world are the reasons he succumb to my request.
I am not a fool, I don't believe all he is saying but what can I do? Honestly we can't afford IVF or surrogacy due to monies spent so far on past treatment.
We are both traders and we are living above waters right now, business is no longer as usual and we don't bother friends and family for help cos we are not used to such gestures
The reason I told him to get someone pregnant outside is cos our business right now will suffer if we take money out of it to use for treatment and there is no guarantee it will be successful ,I mean IVF.
DH is very happy at the moment and all he talks about is the arrival of his child that when the baby comes, he will feel fulfilled . I can't help being jealous o and I wish I was the one carrying the pregnancy.We still maintain good communication that is why he can tell me his feelings , what can I do o my people , I am feeling empty like I failed a very big examination.
See me see polygamy o, please advise me what to expect as I don use my hand open door for polygamy to enter.
Insults are welcome.Stella please hide my name o.
People started talking, family insults came in from my side and his side, the pressure broke me down and I spent a lot of time crying and living in fears of what might happen to us.
The last insults that broke us was when his junior brother called him irresponsible for not having children at his age and that he was wasting money on me for nothing.
Stella, I cried for days and when I was done with crying, I told him to go get a woman pregnant and let me be, cos the pressure was already getting to me, my blood pressure was already above 140.
He refused to go outside to get a woman pregnant , but I insisted, even sent people to convince him, he refused again on several occasions for the whole of last year.
This year, around April, I still raised the same issue and he said he will consider it, only for me to find out he was already in a relationship with a lady around his business area.
I was not too surprised , I let go but was not happy o, the thing pain me small sha and now the lady is pregnant expecting his child, I felt drained and hopeless, I realized I might lose my home for the lady.
I told him my fears that I will like to leave the house peacefully without any drama cos I can't share the house with another woman , he said the other woman can not live with us and he is only interested in the baby not her and he is not going to get married to her , that he told her from the onset that all he wants is the baby.
I laughed at his response and told him no woman will ever accept that kind of proposal and with time she will also pregnant with another child and eventually DH will get married to her.
Even though we did court wedding and traditional as well but we all know in Africa , na the person wey get pinkin get husband.
DH said he believes I will also get pregnant with time but that the pressure on him as a first son and insults from the world are the reasons he succumb to my request.
I am not a fool, I don't believe all he is saying but what can I do? Honestly we can't afford IVF or surrogacy due to monies spent so far on past treatment.
We are both traders and we are living above waters right now, business is no longer as usual and we don't bother friends and family for help cos we are not used to such gestures
The reason I told him to get someone pregnant outside is cos our business right now will suffer if we take money out of it to use for treatment and there is no guarantee it will be successful ,I mean IVF.
DH is very happy at the moment and all he talks about is the arrival of his child that when the baby comes, he will feel fulfilled . I can't help being jealous o and I wish I was the one carrying the pregnancy.We still maintain good communication that is why he can tell me his feelings , what can I do o my people , I am feeling empty like I failed a very big examination.
See me see polygamy o, please advise me what to expect as I don use my hand open door for polygamy to enter.
Insults are welcome.Stella please hide my name o.
*Honestly what you did is the best...At your age, it is not adviceable to have kids at all cos it will not be a good story...Let the woman birthkids for him...In other not to lose him you need to accept her and welcome her in as wife oh....Be good to her so that she does not use the kids to plot your removal...You can also get a surrogate to birth a baby for you with your husbands sperm....People are opting for this one ow...Dont give up hope, you can still be a mum...
In the mean time, just play it cool and make sure the home is peaceful, dont use drama to chase him away.... Dont accept the opther woman moving in but let her know you know about her, welcome the child when it comes.....
I honestly pray this does not go south...I wish you all the best.
Your husband didn’t do well
ReplyDeleteHe should have told you first and you both agree
I just feel he’s playing you into thinking all his well
Why don’t you try ivf. Why are you saving the money for him to have money to marry another wife.
You guys should have gone for adoption. Same issue with my family friend. But they opted for adoption. Luckily they got a 9months baby girl.
DeleteSister, I feel for you. You are a good woman and you were sincere from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteTake it as God's wish for your life. Glorify God in this situation. You have returned the support he gave you and I pray that you will not lament over the outcome.
Take Stella advice to recognize the lady and baby.
🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘
STOP THE STUPID TALK...WHAT IS GODS WISH? WHICH GOD? PEOPLE BEHAVE STUPID AND YOU SAY IT IS GODS WISH....why will you ever tell your husband to go outside to get another woman pregnant? now you are here crying? if you are a christian did not Sarah not get pregnant at age 90? have we not heard testimonies of women getting pregnant late? you messed up. just ask God to show you mercy and give you your own child. 50 is not late. not every woman is lucky to have kids early but God can show you mercy and you will have at 50 without complications. as for your husband be ready for any outcome because for him to hide the relationship from you then he is capable of anything.. I was ttc for 9 years and had my first child at 45 and never for one day did i say anything like go outside. he married you knowing your age so why must you feel like he is doing you a favour? i am so annoyed by this chronicle
DeleteYou should have gotten a surrogate instead of spending so much on treatments, you married at 42, after one year at 43, just pay a surrogate to have kids for you and be done with it. No point crying about what should have been, prepare your mind for polygamy and I really hope it works out for you. Love and light to you dear.
ReplyDeleteSurrogate won’t help if the egg quality is not good
DeleteYou think surrogacy is cheap or a guarantee of success? Didn't you see where she said they can't afford it? You are easily looking at 5-10 million naira for surrogacy. And Surrogacy is usually a last resort for most people after all other options have failed. 7 years ago,it wasn't even the thing it is now as people were hiding to do it. They are still hiding now too cos of what society would say.
DeleteHow much does surrogacy cost, and can you refer hospitals in Lagos or Abuja for the treatment?
DeleteSurrogacy is not expensive in Nigeria. Not compared to other countries anyway
DeleteFor surrogacy she can also use a donor egg if hers is no longer viable.
DeleteSo sorry about your situation ma, it is really not a small test you are going through, but consider your case as that of Abraham, Sarah and Haggai, the lady will not be in the picture after all said and done in Jesus name and soon you will carry your own babies, God can and will do it. Load up on bitter leaf juice God can use that to show up. God bless you with babies Amen
ReplyDeleteAmen 🙏. The Lors that did it for Abraham and Isaac will surely do it for her
DeleteAmen
DeleteAdoption wasn't considered? OP, my heart goes out to you really. I know women without children go through a lot but I have never heard someone actually narrate her pain first hand. You did your best! The least your husband can do is to keep supporting and encouraging you. Who knows, you might take in surprisingly.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, you have to start looking out for you from now going forward. Your husband may be a good man but you don't want to bank your future on that. Consistently keep money aside in a dedicated account so that if at all the second woman turns your husband against you (na una way as women), you will have something to fall back on. You are all you have now.
Adoption for the kind of hostile and toxic opinion holders they both listen to has to be really structured
DeleteThe adopted child will likely be joined in the abuse from such ugly hearted people surrounding them
Hope she can still see my comment. Let her work on adoption now as the future is pretty uncertain in that marriage, and adoption in marriage is usually easier than as a spinster. At least she will have a companion in life.
DeleteDear poster, I sincerely know that feeling. Persuading someone to do something and the person is pretending to have cold feet meanwhile, they are already doing what you asked of them in secret. It feels like betrayal when you find out.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why people can't just be sincere and straightforward. *Sigh*
That said, Poster, just like Stella advised, embrace the child when it comes and be genuinely happy. I know that tongues will wag but just ignore them while you plan on getting a surrogate to have your own child.
May God grant your heart desire of having your baby in Jesus name, Amen!
Yeah it’s a betrayal
DeleteIt's the betrayal that made the poster to start feeling bad and left out when she heard the news of the baby. If he had carried his wife along she wouldn't have had much bad feelings like this
Delete"In Africa, na who get pikin get husband' It really shouldn't be so, but it is, what it is...smh.
ReplyDeleteBecause they do not marry for love and in some cases the men do not even like their wives, just barely tolerating her to give him children and be housekeeper
DeleteThis is a clear case of saying things you do not mean, and starting what you cannot finish!
ReplyDeleteYou asked the man to get someone pregnant and now that the deed has been done, you're jealous and feeling all kinds of negative emotions.
Personally, I think you guys waited too long. You met each other at 42 and got married at 45. You already stated you had fertility issues, so why not hasten the courtship? Those 3 years prior to your wedding were very crucial, and could have made a difference. I'm not saying rush into marriage - that would be terrible advice, no matter the age of the people involved - but in your case, why date so long?
Anyways, what has happened has happened. I think both of your families are deeply insensitive. A couple gets married in their mid 40s, and you expect them to start popping out babies immediately?!! Come on! They need encouragement, not insults!
My only advice would be to get your husband to submit to a DNA test. Considering how desperate he is for a child, he is the perfect candidate for paternity fraud!!
This is a clear case of saying things you do not mean, and starting what you cannot finish!
DeleteThat she’s feeling jealous and threatened doesn’t mean she didn’t mean it
She’s a human being and that’s normal
@SMH, she feeling jealous is natural. I don't blame her, l'll feel same if I'm in her shoes as long as l love him.
DeleteAlways looking out for your comments.
DeleteBut asking the man to do a DNA test on the child may backfire. Some men are very unpredictable on this paternity matter.
A wife who had 4 female children for her husband wanted to double secure her children inheritance and her marriage. So she convinced her husband to do a DNA test on the male child the man had before their marriage.
The arrival of the negative result of the test was the beginning of her marital woes. In her attempt at cancelling the boy child, she cancelled her marriage.
Anon 16:32 how did the guy finding out that the son he supposedly had before their marriage was not his affect their marriage? Did he push her out to marry a younger person and keep trying for a boy?
DeleteA marriage only a woman has to secure tightly or can scatter by asking for accountability isn't a marriage but a situationship/illusion where she was married to herself
Delete17:44
DeleteThe man's lover had a male child which she said was fathered by the man. And he accepted paternity.
Eventually he married another woman (his wife) who had only female children.
All was fine in the home. Maybe the wife had secretly done paternity test, nobody knows. But she was not comfortable with not being the mother of the man's first child and or male child. So she admittedly nagged and created doubt in the man's mind into doing a DNA test on the male child. Her plan was to cancel the male child from the family. If the test proved negative, the child will lose his place all round in the family.
When the result proved the man was not the father of the male child, the man was not happy. He turned the unhappiness on his wife for nagging him into doing the DNA test. At the time the matter became public, the marriage which before then was apparently blissful (save for the woman's worry over inheritance) had become rocky tending towards collapse
The man was embittered against his wife for nagging him into doing the DNA test. He would have preferred to be ignorant of the fact that the child was not his biological child. Clearly, he felt satisfied with having his son and daughters.
In another case, the paternity of an only don and child was negatived during visa application. The father who is has been a long time resident abroad was angry that his nephew helping him on the processing of the visa opened the results paper. The father and the nephew did not tell the young man till date. They just told him the application was rejected by the embassy. The young man is still regarded as a member of the family till today.
As the saying goes, ignorance is bliss. Some men deliberately choose to be ignorant of the real paternity of their children. In most marriages, men start thinking paternity testing when the marriage is shaky and are seeking a solid ground to call time on it.
There are men who have children in marriage who don't want to do the test because they want to protect their hearts and minds.
19:08
A woman asking a man to confirm paternity of a child she knew of as the man's child before marrying the man only for the purpose of getting the child sent away is not asking for accountability.
Of course, spouses have the right to ask for accountability in course of a marriage. Context is key.
Anon 23:01 Interesting! Thanks a lot for explaining. I'm quite surprised that he would rather not know the truth instead of knowing and making the decision to either adopt the child or adopt a younger boy who will be raised by his wife.
Delete@:22
Delete@5:22, maybe because most men generally trust their female partners on paternity matters than as portrayed on popular media.
DeleteThe typical Nigerian man will first think pre-marital pregnancy a trap to force marriage before thinking it as paternity fraud if at all.
The condition of your husband is what I'm in at the moment. Difference is in my family every one minds his/her business. My mom suggested we adopt, I refused. I don't trust adopted children in future as one does not know the real history of the adopted child's family. She (my mom), suggested I take another wife, I refused. Polygamy is not a child's play. Moreover, the things one reads online about adopted children are not encouraging. Agreed with my wife for surrogacy and waiting for my business to provide the money. My wife did fibroid operation, got her womb removed due to the size of the fibroid. It's not easy on the man due to pressure from self and family but worse for the woman as the pressure is from everywhere plus society. My wife is 51 years, I'm 52 years.
ReplyDeleteI did not let my family know her womb got removed to protect us from additional pressure. Her siblings (know about her womb) that promised to help out for IVF foot dragged and now age is not on her side.
Poster, forget all the promises your husband is making now. He might change. Why men allow women that birthed for them insult their wives they started with is what I don't understand. It's something I keep telling myself every day that even if another woman should born for me, I will never ever allow her insult my wife no matter what. For what by the way? A married childless woman is not a happy woman, why kill her early by supporting the "opportunist" to thrive just because she gave birth to a child? No matter how nice you treat her, greater percentage of these women foolishly think they're better than the wife and the husbands stupidly with time fall for her manipulations.
Prepare for the worst, poster, while doing all within your powers, positively. Life happens. I know this is not how you wanted life for yourself and family. My wife is taking it in her stride, at least. How she feels when alone, I don't know.
Do not be desperate to fall for herbalists in pastor's clothes. That's worse.
May the Lord answer our prayers.
Good luck.
Hmmmmm Anon: 15:43
DeleteYou a good man. God bless you for standing by her despite the pressure and insults.
It's in a condition like this that one's faith and love is tested.
Hmmm, you are a good man. May the Lord see you true and grant you success with the surrogacy
DeleteYou’re indeed a good man.. May God continue to encourage you and your wife and also bring miracles your way..amen!
DeleteWow! Sir, may God bless you through the surrogacy. Successful surrogacy is what I pray for you.
DeleteAmen
DeleteYou are a good man, God bless you for standing by her
DeleteDear Anon, adoption too is not as bad as you think.
DeleteIn this life, there are no guarantees, who says even the children people give birth to from their womb will give them peace? We only hope and pray for our biological kids to turn out right, our giving birth to them doesn't automatically confer 'goodness' upon them. My grand-aunt is currently sick at the moment, in the village and abandoned by her children (she has 6 oh!), she is still alive by God's grace and with help from her sister's children (my mum and her siblings) who are taking turns to do the much they have the capacity for. This life no just balance.
Try the surrogacy too, however if adoption is still on the table, please explore.
May God continue to uphold you both.
Anon 15.43,
DeleteI'm a little intrigued by your write-up, because your mindset is a bit warped.
You claim to have an issue with adoption, because you don't know the child's family history and background.
If we're being honest, the woman (gestational surrogate) you're hoping to carry your child...will you know everything about her? They will check her for medical issues, but I highly doubt the fertility clinic or agency that you're hoping to use, will do an extensive background check on her. Will you know whether or not her grand/father was a robber? Will you know whether her grand/mum belongs to a coven? Of course not!
Surrogacy is a gamble, just like adoption!
If your wife doesn't have any viable eggs, you will need an egg donor as well as a gestational carrier. Will you know anything or everything about that person? Absolutely not!
You are a good man. May God see you and your wife through.
DeleteWhy did you in your goodness let the ivf drag this long now
DeleteEven if you do it now, it will likely not be successful
good man good man yet you think adoption is bad....i pity you and your wife cos you are just being selfish. do you know the number of adopted kids that have made meaning of their lives? do you know the number of kids who grew up with their biological parents that turned out bad? una go get problem but still allow backward mindsets to rob you of receiving any joy in your lives...stop being myopic and go adopt...except you are actively believing God in faith because i know and have seen him give new wombs then i think you are just fooling yourself respectfully.
DeletePosted, it is well with you and you will carry your own children in due time.
ReplyDeleteYour concerns and worries are geniniue but relax. Remember every negative feelings you are experiencing now will be doubled when the child arrives and the woman takes the centre stage of your husband and in-laws love. Start planning your exist or make up your mind to stay despite what happens. Be more closer to God. Ask the holy spirit for inner peace that no one can give during this trying time. It is not going to easy emotional but God is faithful.
ReplyDeleteWhen the baby arrives, love him or her geniniuely. This advice might be difficult because the mother might not give you the opportunity to express your love to the baby but kill every spirit of strife between you and the new baby. God is a master planner. Seek him more than ever now.
Remember also that when the child comes, your husband's money is no more for you alone. Sweet sister start saving for IVF or surrogate. You need it.
May God give you the wisdom and grace to scale through 🙏
Don’t save
DeleteTake it from the money you have now
🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteA neighbour's first daughter was in a similar situation years ago. She met the man when he was desperately looking for a child. His first wife couldn't birth a child for him. She took in for him and birthed three other children, making them four. After the first child, the man insisted that she moves into the house with the first wife, that is after the first wife had been duly informed. She was received with opened arms, taken care of by the first wife. It was after she gave birth to her second child, that the first wife had her first child. The man ended up marrying her after she gave birth to her fourth and last child. That first child (daughter) is married today.
ReplyDeleteAll I'm saying Dear Poster, is that be prayerful, be very prayerful so that everything will work together for your good. Have a clear mind towards your husband and the lady carrying his child, take out time to pray for her safe delivery. God works in mysterious ways and acts of faith and love always open doors for people. Don't spend anymore money on drugs or fertility treatment, use that money as a seed of faith to pay school fees for children from struggling homes, hospital bills for children in the hospital, visit motherless babies homes and feed them. I promise you if you do this with faith and genuine love from your heart, you will carry your own children naturally, stress-free, complications-free.
I join my faith with yours and I declare into your life:
1.) For your shame, you have had double honour, instead of confusion, you are rejoicing in your portion, in your land, you have possessed double, everlasting joy is yours.
2.) You are fruitful in your body, all your reproductive organs are in excellent condition. Your youth is renewed like the eagle's, your womb is open to carry your children, your fallopian tubes are open to release eggs and your body is energized to become pregnant.
3.) As your years are, so shall your strength be! The God that visited our mothers of old - Sarah at 90, Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth, will visit you and you will carry your children and declare the faithfulness of God.
I'm excited for you! You will sing your song and dance your dance, in Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen!!!
Amen and Amen 🙏 Agieenwanma
DeleteAmen. I calmed this praying for my wife and I in Jesus mighty name.
DeleteAmen
DeleteI claim this in Jesus name. Amen
DeleteDear poster. It is well. Take a break on yourself. At your age, I think you took the wise decision. You need to form a thick skin and ignore naysayers and their ranting.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you.
Hi poster, I think I get it. Infertility is nothing to be wished on an enemy. It is hardest with the news of the other woman having his baby. It must feel like taking a bitter pill and forcing a smile especially when he discusses it with you and you have to force a brave face. I understand your hubby too cos he may not have truly told you how hard it was on him to eventual succumb to pressure. No doubt he loves you but I want you to prepare your heart. In this new phase you might lose him to be 100% honest with you. With humans nothing is guaranteed . While reading I could not help but think that maybe for the sake of your sanity it may be best to walk away and let her have him because it just might never get better. Should you chose to stay, I wish you love and light plus strength because you will need it. I pray the lady carrying is child is also kind to you and you be kind to her which is still hard cos you both are human. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteAdpot a child legally too!
ReplyDeletePoster each time I read a story like this, the only thing that comes to my mind is a miracle that will put them to shame.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteThat his junior brother may be a brother but not truly a brother. Same blood doesn't mean same character.
ReplyDeletePoster mistake have been made, you should have gone for a surrogate mother all along.
ReplyDeleteJust try to be at peace, it's well
This story just left me feeling so sad, I can’t even imagine how you feel living in it. Please get some professional counselling. I feel as though you need a space where you can express your full mind without fear. There could be some NGO that offer free counselling services.
ReplyDeleteThe awful truth is that ivf only has a 25% success rate. It is not a magic bullet. I am not sure if motherhood is even on your mind or if you went through all of that to appease others. Find ways to nourish your spirit and build up your self-confidence. Eat well and as healthy and nutritious as you can because ivf is physically demanding. Continue to nurture your spiritual relationship with God so the feelings of jealousy will go away. While I sense love and respect between you and your husband, your union came under undue pressure from outside interference. It is important that married couples insulate themselves from the ugliness of outsiders. Do not let the connection between you and your husband deteriorate. I sense feelings of inferiority in you. Just because you did not birth a child doesn’t mean you are of lesser value or lower than any other woman. Are there not countless women who birth and have no spirit of a mother in them. Do not compare yourself to anyone and think anyone is better than you.
Right now look at developing your life in other ways. As your business is not so good, see if there are other avenues you can look into that would be more fruitful. Join the giveaway that Stella has ongoing for business development. Learn a new skill or whatever you need to that can help you grow financially. Do not feel that life is over for you because you are 50 and childless, life may just be getting started for you. Always have a thought in yourself that the best is yet to come and your best years are still ahead. If you can afford to, get a new wardrobe and lively up your life, update your hairdo, change around the furniture in your house.
Wash the curtains and walls, do a deep clean of your home so the old, stale energy can go away. Develop more joyfulness so depression will not have a place to grow. Make some different friendships with people who are positive and growth minded, even if they are younger or older than you. Volunteer with a charitable group so you can sow more seeds of goodness in your life.
Ivf is not 25%
DeleteIt’s more and also less depending on the quality of the eggs and sperm
Anon 17:15. I like that positive spirit. I like that her husband didn't allow outsiders and their talk come between him and his wife. That's a man, and such men are rare.
DeleteAnon 17:15. I like that positive spirit. I like that her husband didn't allow outsiders and their talk come between him and his wife. That's a man, and such men are rare.
DeleteWell, the doctors who told me said 25%. Unless they have improved the science with it, it was 25% for as long as I know. At the end of the day, for sure, 25% of couples with fertility issues who try ivf will walk away with a child. It is worth a try by all means. Just that we only hear the success stories, there should be a balance in the stories told about this procedure and it should not be painted as a perfect solution, especially for couples of minor financial means for whom it will be a huge investment that could ruin them financially.
DeleteHow your partner treats you shows others how to regard or respect you. Why I applaud the man for standing up for his wife despite all. 'Ye ye' man would have joined others to abuse her or make the situation more miserable for her.
DeleteHow your partner treats you shows others how to regard or respect you. Why I applaud the man for standing up for his wife despite all. 'Ye ye' man would have joined others to abuse her or make the situation more miserable for her.
Delete20:41 they were wrong or telling you based on your own age
DeleteIt’s as low as 5% to 0% for some eggs
It's well my sister, May the Lord give you double for all your troubles
ReplyDeleteSingle women with age no longer on their side, you know you have fertility issues, then DON'T get married to a man who doesn't already have children. You either marry a widower or divorced man who already has kids and be ready to open your hearts to them, or choose to remain single and adopt a child.
ReplyDeleteYou can't get married to a single man with no fertility issues and no kids and be having all these high expectations of him remaining faithful to you and childless in this society we live in. Na you go lose las las.
Sorry, we know ideally that a man should remain faithful with his wife with fertility issues but how many men can really do that?
You can get married to a single man
DeleteJust have a plan for his he will have kids if you can’t have any
Till we as women stop bringing up selfish men as sons
DeleteAnswer to your last question
Till we as women stop bringing up selfish men as sons
DeleteAnswer to your last question
Can't your husband be sending money for the child's upkeep. He didn't plan this thing well. He shouldn't have let the baby mama know that he desperately needs the child. Letting her know he is desperate about having a child will make her blackmail him with the child. Like; threatening to run away with the child if he doesn't marry her legally, etc
ReplyDeleteJust knack and get someone pregnant afterall all adultery is thesame sin committed against God. You don't need to start promising her heaven on earth. There are many laddies out there who will gladly knack you without minding if they get pregnant or not. Such kind of ladies, if the pregnancy enters , you pretend as if you didn't want the pregnancy. From there you cut off the relationship totally. Monitor her reaction and ensure you are updated about her next steps so she won't get rid of it. Many of them won't consider getting rid of the baby as an option. When she is ready to give birth, you send her money for the things she'll be needing. He should send money on the the child's birthday
It pains me to see a ttc woman's husband marry in another woman under thesame roof. The marriage may never be thesame again. He may divert all the attention and respect to the woman with the baby. Why didn't you consider adoption. You can't stay there for ever without a child to call your own. Please try and adopt a male child to avoid stories of molestation by hubby.
Na wa
DeleteSo you advice is to complicate someone else’s life
Not to complicate . Maybe you didn't comprehend well. I said those who will gladly do it without minding
DeleteNot to complicate. Maybe you didn't comprehend well. I said those who will gladly do it without minding . But he shouldn't make any promise to her so that in future there wouldn't be any complaint of breach of contract.
DeleteAnd I hope you've read in this blog where some ladies say they don't want to marry because of the bad experience the had in previous relationships? That they'll be fine if they see a man that they can have a child for even without marriage ?
Delete@slim this is what you wrote
DeleteThere are many laddies out there who will gladly knack you without minding if they get pregnant or not. Such kind of ladies, if the pregnancy enters , you pretend as if you didn't want the pregnancy. From there you cut off the relationship totally. Monitor her reaction and ensure you are updated about her next steps so she.....
Yes, 20:07 they wouldn't mind even if you don't accept marry them; but if you give them the opportunity to come into your life, they may not hesitate and if they come in, they may make the ttc woman uncomfortable. So the best tactics is to follow them with the way they planned their lives. No need to make huge promises to them, except it is an agreement between the man an his wife.
DeleteSlim she don’t mind knocking don’t mean she wants a cold especially from a man who then acts uniterested first
DeleteBut she knew he was a married man before agreeing to do something with him. She won't be expecting much from him if the man already has kids but only came to her for pleasure right? That's why why the man has to maintain it the way she planned her life. She should assume that he is married with kids if the man tells her from the onset that he is a married man. If he has a ring, he should flaunt it if possible. Avoid making unnecessary promises that anybody may hold against him as a breach of contract in future. He shouldn't even disclose any information about his wife to her because she may want to force herself into the family if she finds out that wife is ttc.Even if she eventually finds out , she won't be able to do much if she sees that the man is not threatened by her actions and she may only find out when she has already put to bed. He should get her account number, transfer money from time to time to her. With time she will find another man of her own, by then he will be free , at this point he may want to come and claim the child totally , but the child will still be in his mother's life as well by shareing custody of the child.
DeleteAgain, he may want to make an agreement with the lady, to take the child after birth or after lactation period. If she agrees, fine. But marrying her shouldn't be an option for the sake of the first wife.
I know a lady in church who got pregnant at 54years.she went through same issue like you with inlaws, neighbors and colleagues.she and her husband ignored people's opinions about their lives.A year later,they adopted a child,the lady got pregnant.she never believed she could ever get pregnant at that age, but God changed her story.
ReplyDeletePoster, you can try getting a surrogate who can help you have a child for now and believe you will have yours.For nothing is IMPOSSIBLE to the one who gives life.
Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE to the one who gives life!
DeleteThank you for the encouragement
Soul lifting 💪
DeleteWow! God is great. Same way out former neighbor at home adopted a child. Not the regular adoption method though. The child is an orphan in their village. She was 3yr old when they brought her in. They took the child as theirs. Few years later God blessed them with their own child. They had 2more kids before they relocated.
DeleteJust that the woman started maltreating the child when she started having kids. The girl runs errands that she does not have time to rest. She had stunted growth because of the over labour. Some people don't just have human sympathy. Her husband is a nice man though
My aunt got pregnant at 54 when she was already a grandmother. She came back from her daughter's house where she went to nurse her granddaughter and boom, nine months later, she became another child. Her previous child before the last, finally last one,🤣🤣🤣 was already a teenager. Her daughter beefed her for a long time. Westin consign her, she simply nurses the granddaughter and her daughter together. Both ladies are in their forties with their own families and my aunt is past ninety, as fit as a fiddle.
DeleteAre you serious, pregnant at 54? Nobody can tell or say how it will happen. Sometimes it happens when all hope is lost.
DeleteAre you serious, pregnant at 54? Nobody can tell or say how it will happen. Sometimes it happens when all hope is lost.
DeleteMy family friend was in a similar situation. She was a newly wed when she had an accident that paralyzed her. Her family were wealthy so they did all they could but unfortunately, no cure for her paralysis. She kept begging her husband to let them adopt, in his words he didn't want a 'bastard child'. Her niece came to live with her to help her out. Next thing, husband started sleeping with the niece. At the end of the day, the niece had 3 kids for him. He had to pay her bride price to claim the kids. The whole thing was messy but unfortunately, the first wife was stuck due to her condition. What is even more infuriating is that she is the breadwinner. The yeye man is using her money to train his kids. If it's any consolation they call her big mummy.
ReplyDeleteThings are really happening.
DeleteNo child is bastard. They are all children of God. From the linage of Jesus Christ if you pray and lead them well in the love of God. Don't over pamper them when they are little, be intentional about raising them well and they will definitely grow in the direction that you helped them grow in. Even if they fall along the line, they will still come back to who they were raised to become.
Deletei will divorce that man. paralyzed or not...honestly some women have no self worth...my own money to service you and another woman? never
DeleteThe life experiences that ppl go through in this journey of life. I really wished so many people dealing with a disability did not feel they have to put up with any rotten treatment from others. Thank goodness she has the financial means to get good care
DeleteThis one is deep and cannot say much but you need Solomon's wisdom at this time. Please read what Stella said to you and follow it cos if your sanity.
ReplyDeleteRemember that when one is hopeless, God steps in for us. Is time to hand over your situation totally to God. God will give you a testimony.
Dear Poster, my heart wells up with compassion after reading this story and anytime I fee like this about any situation and I pray for that person, you will receive whatever I ask the Lord for on your behalf.
ReplyDeletePlease Poster, your breakthrough is tied to helping someone in the same situation as you, (another lady trying to conceive), either through heartfelt intercession or helping financially. I don't know your spiritual inclination, but if you are a Christian, ask the Holy Spirit for what you must do to get your breakthrough. I don't know how He Speaks to you but it's majorly through the Word of God, as you spend time feasting (reading) on the Word of God, you will receive instructions on what to do. As you obey, you will see all your heart's desires come to pass. Don't bother yourself about this issue again, just locate a couple looking for children, get their names and start praying for them, with scriptures, at designated times of the day(6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am, 3am), choose specific times, at least twice a day. Let it be a personal project. Don't pray about your own issues (very important), just focus on the couple you have chosen. Don't let them know that you are praying for them. Your breakthrough is in your hands.
Na wa this assignment breakthrough
DeleteGod never asked this much of anyone na
It's not much... How can praying for someone be too much. I guess people are different. This was what I did when I had a life-threatening medical condition, I stopped praying for myself and started praying for a lady with similar condition. Before I even realized what was happening, I was healed and today I'm free. Intercession is a powerful way to touch the heart of God because it's a huge sacrifice of love.
DeleteOmo I weak aswear.
DeleteAwon heart touchers
DeleteNigerians are very wicked people kai !!! And na we dey most religious. Imagine the hurtful words and action from fellow humans and supposed family members. We need to do better as a people, and that change starts with you and I. Be genuinely kind and respectful to others, and if you know you don’t have the capacity for that, just stay on your lane and let them stay on theirs. Don’t be nasty! Even with comments on blogs and social media, you don’t need religion to even be kind, how much more with our religiosity.
ReplyDeletePlease people, treat others right regardless of their age, race, gender, religion or socioeconomic status.
See one crazy one that dropped comment after yours
DeleteCalling someone crazy for also writing an opinion? May God forgive you.
DeleteAdvice is cheap many here blaming the man won't even tell or show any love to their wife as this man have shown yet talking like saint my advice madam better prepare for divorce or unpleasant treatment from your husband and his new wife that is the nature of men and you can't blame them after all they are not responsible for your problem ,bad things do happen to good people and vice versa
ReplyDelete"They are not responsible for your problem " why then do people fall in love if they cannot stand for each other in difficult situations? Should we now leave our loved ones to suffer alone just because we are not responsible for their problems?
DeleteWith due respect, werey ni yin sir
DeleteAnon 23:14, keep insulting everyone, I hope you keep up this negative energy when you see what you are looking for. Because you are in anonymous mode, you think you can hide, insult people and get away with it. The teeth the dog use to play with her puppies, is the same teeth she would use to bite them. Just dey play.
DeleteIt is well with you, I pray God hear your secret cries. My hrt to women who are TTC
ReplyDeletePoster visit Zion ministry in okota Lagos. There programmes are on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays, the God that we serve will locate you in Jesus name. Amen
ReplyDeleteMay God of nsppd bless you with the fruit of the womb Amen
ReplyDeleteLizzy baby
You would have gone for surrogacy, rather than advise him to go for another woman. I wish you the best on your expectations that might come to fruition. Please don't blame your husband, you advised him to go into another woman. You are indeed the Sarah of our time(just like Sarah advised Abraham) Your own laughter will come in Jesus name.
ReplyDeleteYes, surrogacy removes any emotional attachment, just a business arrangement. But minds operating under great stress do not think logically.
DeleteSurrogacy doesn't come cheap.
Delete