Hmmmm
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ABUSE
BvsI need your input.
I don't know what went wrong but the way I beat my first 6yrs old son I really don't understand.
BvsI need your input.
I don't know what went wrong but the way I beat my first 6yrs old son I really don't understand.
Yes he is stubborn, he doesn't take to instructions he is always making me shout and shout, to even get himself dressed after arranging his daily outfit is war:
I have two younger of his sibling to take care of and I swear my 3yrs old will even start with boxer and singlet then ask for help for any one he can't wear himself but not my 6yrs old.
I love him so much while he was younger but now for any of his mistakes I beat him silly, I don't know whats wrong with me no I didn't get pregnant out of wedlock I feel guilty after beating him and my mind will be telling me I should just have ignored him and draw his ear and then I will promise myself I wont beat him again but before you know it I am at it again
BVs, what do I do?.
Isnt this what they call child abuse?Have you considered the fact that may be your child has Austism?Yes look into that but first control your anger, it will help you to stop beating him
These children ehn, God help us. Poster, try and practice gentle parenting with a very tiny dose of abara. Maybe that would help.
ReplyDeleteLol @Eka, abara is still part of beating na.
DeletePoster, please try to exercise patience with your son.
Eka is right. Small dose of beating once a blue 🔵. Beating is good but when you do it in excess it becomes an abuse.
DeleteAgain, remember that the bible wasn't joking when it said, "spare the rod and spoil the child" but don't do it too much. Too much of everything is bad.
Poster, don't beat him into timidity o. Just make a conscious effort not to hit him. Hold yourself/walk away whenever he starts acting out/refuses to follow instructions. When you are sure you are calm, come back and have a conversation with him on how his refusal to dress up can lead to you guys missing part of the event you are attending...Just try to teach him about effects/consequences. He may be acting out for attention so make sure to spend time with him when you are not making one request or another of him. Just chill and talk with him/read story books/play games/coloring/teaching him how to cook by making him help you stir/mix stuff that are not on the fire/hot etc. All the best.
DeletePoster please follow this anony, this is what worked for me. You might find out the too much beating is making him more stubborn. My son now is the calmest among his siblings. Well behaved. Is some one that gave me this advice and it worked. Once in a while give him other punishment like kneeling and raising hands facing the wall. Instead of beatings. Too much beatings will make a child behave like mumu.I am talking from experience.
DeleteI agree with Stella. Please seek a professional help for him. Could it be that you are drained yourself hence the reason you spark at the least provocation? Maybe you need an alone holiday for at least a month without your kids nor husband.
ReplyDeleteSit down are find out why you have anger issues and low understanding for the boy
DeleteDon't break his spirit, go and get therapy, fast and pray for deliverance, destructive spirit,anger problem and pray for discernment
May GOD hear your prayers to be a better mother in Jesus Christ Name Amen
Sit down are find out why you have anger issues and low understanding for the boy
DeleteDon't break his spirit, go and get therapy, fast and pray for deliverance, destructive spirit,anger problem and pray for discernment
May GOD hear your prayers to be a better mother in Jesus Christ Name Amen
Dear poster, seek professional help, he probably has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) most kids with adhd are always seen as being stubborn, they don’t just know how to sit still or focus.
DeleteYou have to do timing therapy with them, start by counting in minutes how long he can sit still… even if it’s for a second you praise him by saying “nice sitting”… it’s called “positive reinforcement” .
Keep increasing the time and you can introduce items to motivate him, in no time he will pick up.
He also doesn’t get dressed cus he feels he isn’t doing it right and can not concentrate long enough to get dressed, so he gets bored if the tasks before he even starts.
What you need is a behavioral therapist, if you cannot afford one, there are plans and routines to follow, but make sure you see a professional to atleast get diagnosed.
I wish I had the time, I would have written out a whole routine for you to apply.
Push up (original)
You're transferring aggression to him. Continue, until you hit him back to his creator. A 6yo is a child! A child!!!
ReplyDelete@15:05 I would say A baby
DeleteUna no dey tire for beating, shouting and yelling. Don't get me wrong, I am all for discipline but you only look at beating mercilessly then you need to check yourself more than your son. What if your son has a spectrum of Autism or ADHD...
ReplyDeleteMake una dey try to apply small logic instead allowing your emotions get the better part of you...After feeling guilty of beating him, the next step is to seek professional help.
You can't expect your children to behave the same just because they came from one womb...All the best..
Madam, it's a 6 year old we're talking about o not 10 years. My 8 year old, I still assist him to wear their uniforms too be properly tucked in. A mother should be more patient & tolerant, pls in your parenting, love them for that's how God loves us despite our plenty wahala ❤️
DeleteYou beat your 6year old child, in a way you do not understand.🙄. Do not make him grow up hating you, and being scared of you.
ReplyDeleteOr worse, a hardened somebody.
DeleteYou need help!! Your hubby should descend on you one of these days 🙄
ReplyDeleteSluttychic..
Yes, while not understanding why he's doing so.
DeleteMadam, could it be that you are putting your frustration on the poor boy? check your mood swings or hormonal imbalance.
ReplyDeletePlease learn how to count to 1 to 10 before acting. Learn to be patience with them. Patience is the key. It will go a long way to build tolerance in you.
ReplyDeleteI used to be like you. Then I prayed to God for help. These days, I just correct him and that is it.
ReplyDeleteFind out if you are stressed, look for what is causing you stress
Then ask God for help
If you don't stop now, he will grow up hitting his wife.
First of all beating a young child like a wild beast is abhorrent. Stop it!
ReplyDeleteYour child is beginning to show his personality and that is all. Let him pick out his own clothes, at 6 he can choose what he wants to wear for the day. Have him on a schedule, so he knows he has to be done by so and so. If he is consistently late or moves slower in completing his task find out why by discreetly observing what he is doing and by conversation. Is he sleeping well, does he hate school, is there is something going on with him that he is not sharing.
Also be careful of interacting with your children only when you need something done. Maintaining an active and engaging relationship with them is important. This child may need quality time with you alone and doing something social. Are you sure that you have not been neglecting him since the other children came along? It is ok to take him out alone just the two of you together so he doesn’t always feel like he is competing for your attention and that is what his actions may mean, a cry for attention and love.
Find balance in your parenting. If you need household help get it, so you can have time to be an effective mother by not always swimming in a sea of housework.
Thank you
DeleteI picked a few things here. The counsels we get here are for people we come across also who may need this advice.
God bless you
Its not about getting pregnant out of wedlock.
ReplyDeleteYou are angry and unhappy and transferring your aggression to that innocent boy..
I pray that boy deals with you mercilessly in one way or the other.
In addition to Stella's... Try to check if you are transferring aggression to him.
ReplyDeleteAnd remember each child is different. Study him and know best way to relate with him.
Find other ways to punish him (if need be) than the beating.
He needs to feel loved by you in this his formative years. Otherwise, you will have a bigger problem in future.
Good luck
Your 6yr old maybe developing slowly. You need to slow down on beating him.
ReplyDeleteBeating doesn't really help that much. Find out why he is slow and see how you can help.
Pls stop getting angry with this little one. You were once little. Be a bit more patient. And work on yourself.
Beat 6 yrs old chill silly, madam wetin.
ReplyDeleteI don't support..
Take it easy with him,he's still small for that kind of beating you described ...
Please stop ✋ already to avoid regret in the future.
ReplyDeletePlease you need therapy and prayers, not all children are wired the same and if you continue like this you will damage your kids life! Yes all your kids, because not only will the 6 year old be affected, the others are watching and seeing what you are doing which will affect them too. Most kids are nuerotypical but some are neurodivergent, they don't act like most kids doesn't mean they should be treated with less love! Work on your character or regret for the rest of your life!
ReplyDeletePlease you need therapy and prayers, not all children are wired the same and if you continue like this you will damage your kids life! Yes all your kids, because not only will the 6 year old be affected, the others are watching and seeing what you are doing which will affect them too. Most kids are nuerotypical but some are neurodivergent, they don't act like most kids doesn't mean they should be treated with less love! Work on your character or regret for the rest of your life!
ReplyDeletePlease stop and show him love,never compare their growth and development patterns.
ReplyDeleteStop it woman, stop it right now. Don't let him grow up and think you hate him or belive you are a witch. If you're overwhelmed with chores, go look for house help,let your husband help or do them gradually. Another thing you can do is carry the matter to your husband to handle if he's the softer parent.
ReplyDeletePoster please try to control your anger okay, before you injured your child. It's well with you
ReplyDeleteYou are expecting so much from a six year old and angry that you she is not acting according to your plan. Let her be a child, toodler before taking teenager responsibilities.
DeleteThat's how you go on raising damaged kids who'd become terror tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteWatch how he'll hit anyone including his siblings when they upset him, because he can't learn emotional/self control from his parents.
YOU ARE AN "ABUSER"!
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE BEATS YOU SILLY BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE DULL OR NOT AS BRIGHT AS YOUR YOUNGER ONES?
He is not your mate, be a MOTHER!
let children be children!
even his siblings will hate you if you don't stop!
Stop it madam perfect!!!!!
Pls take it easy.you need patient with the kids.its not easy.when the boy does something wrong, simply deprive him of what he loves most like a favorite cartoon,toy or snacks.
ReplyDeletepls remember the pain of child birth.Every child deserves love and care.
Patience"
Delete6 years old is not an adult na,my girl will be 6 January and I Dress her up myself... anytime I ask her to wear her singlet or pant, she will never wear it the correct way and nothing is wrong with her, she's just acting her age.please stop beating that boy to avoid raising damaged kid
ReplyDeleteYou still dress a six year old up. Wow! My little nephew that is three has started dressing himself to an extent.
DeleteChildren are different, he may have adhd, Talking from experience.
Delete@slim shaddy. It's this kind of statement that makes people expect so much from babies not minding their individual growth pace.
DeleteI remember a real life occurrence of someone that had adhd and finally learnt how to read as a teenager but things changed pretty fast and he finally got several degrees in his twenties.
Dear Poster, please tell yourself that the naughty things he does makes you happy. Keep telling yourself that, until your conscious and subconscious believe you. Instead of reacting in anger, just smile. Remind yourself that so many families are crying for such, but are still TTC.
ReplyDeleteYou are placing him on that high pedestal of good behavior because he has younger siblings. Believe me, if he was your only child, you would still treat him as a baby.
All children are different dear, and their development rates differ. Pray about it and ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Also apologize to him when you do wrong like that and explain why to him. It helps him to understand that you love him and don't hate him.
You are doing well dear. Hugs.
This is not hard
ReplyDeleteKeep your bloody hands to yourself
You're stressed. You never mentioned their Dad. Is he not involved in their daily routines? It is wrong to beat anyone in anger/frustration. Stop the abuse!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing is u know deep within u,d beating is not right yeah? Dats y ur coming here to hear our thoughts.poster,ur just too stressed,if I read correctly he is d first,then a 3 year old,and another probably a baby.pls a six year old is not an adult.try and get a domestic help cos u sound so overwhelmed that's y ur transferring dis agression to him.pls love him, cuddle him,sing with him while trying to dress him up so da he sings along and does so wen u ask him to get dressed by himself.pls don't make him feel bad.ur his mother girl! Pls kip it together.so he grows in.love aiit.one love!!! Uve got dis👍
ReplyDeleteShe’s taking out her anger and frustration because her baby daddy dumped her evil ass
ReplyDeleteNah my dad was there and mum was still an overbeater
DeleteThis takes me back to my childhood, I really suffered as a girl child growing up with ADHD. I wasn't only beaten, I was called names and looked down on.
ReplyDeleteIt was only my father that was gentle with me, unfortunately, he died when I was 14.
So sorry about this@ fabulous. Ehugs 🤗
DeleteStart seeking wisdom from above to train your kids, children can do things that aggreviate anger, try not to beat immediately when they commit any act...... I have a 3yrs + and I'm just too grateful how he always help me out around the house, so when ever he does anything that requires beating..... I just remember he help and does more than his age so i just let go and only shout. So I reward him mostly with his previous good act.
ReplyDeleteGod will help us. These special gifts can drive one crazy atimes.
ReplyDeleteReduce the beating and be a playful mum to him.
Dear poster, please stop. I did same to my son at 4. He is 10 years and I am enlightened enough to know that what i did traumatised him, I ve been trying to help him heal but its not easy. He still has panic attacks relating with me while his other siblings are free with me. The result you ll hate .Please stop.
ReplyDeleteSmh. Terrible parents. You damaged the brain development of your child.
DeleteYou say what? Eeeeeya poor child
DeleteThis is bad madam. You don't scold or beat a child all the time. Don't raise your hands to beat or even draw their ear every time they mess up. This will affect his mental health please. Beating should be once in a blue moon. Too much shouting can make them unnecessarily stubborn or even make some of them have low self esteem when they grow up or even make some to start behaving like someone that escaped from a kind of mental ailment. Choose to calmly talk them out of their bad behavior instead. Correct them in love. Avoid using aggressive approach all the time.
ReplyDeleteNow you have kind of damaged that child mentally. What you will do now is this:
If you don't know how to hug often, this is the time to learn it. Hugg him from time to time. If he does something commendable, give him a tight hug and a kiss in the chin or the on the forehead.
If he didn't something and it didn't turn out as perfect as you want, commend him for the little good in the work , then point out his mistake and make the necessary corrections amicably .
He already knows that anytime he fumbles , you will definitely use the violent approach on him. Shock him from now on. If he does things that you would normally beat him up for, just express your displeasure calmly . Don't even give him the bad eye looks. You can threaten to beat him up SOMETIMES if he misbehaves but still don't carry out the act of beating. The threat will send a signal to his mind that you are not joking and he will retrace his steps. This amotekun approach doesn't help to make him the type of person you wish for him to be.
Kill him,then you will learn
ReplyDeleteIf you beat kids the way they annoy you, you'll beat them every second of the day and you'll even injure them. Sometimes just ignore them, kids will always be kids, they'll always do somethings we do not like. We should learn to overlook their excesses
ReplyDeleteEver heard of emotional intelligence madam? In addition to asking for God’s help, you need to work on yourself. You know why that kid has not ‘changed’ in-spite of all your disciplines? He sees your actions as retaliatory and you lashing out. Imagine your husband always yelling at you when you do a particular thing he does not like, I bet you would not understand as you’d expect him to be gentle with you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteAnyway ma, just knowing you are damaging your kid with your own actions. You can do better than this!
.poster. Maybe he takes after you. You know what they say about the apple not falling from the tree? You better watch your anger.. Beats me how some people are able to hit a child or an animal,especially dogs. Gosh
ReplyDeleteObi for president
Wizkid FC
Proudly Tiv
You need to calm down. You need to practice anger management by counting down to 50 before you react to his misbehavior. Watch YouTube videos on gentle parenting style and apply the technique.
ReplyDeleteMay God give you the grace to deal with this.
Please seek help! It's not normal! You are abusing that poor child and if you were abroad you will def be locked up. That's a whole child! You need to address yourself.
ReplyDeleteTypical abusive mom. Whatever your child is, is from the genes. Keep your hands to yourself or nature will punish you through that child one way or the other. Children develop differently,that's why some are smart, some are average, while some are still struggling. Eventually, they all grow and catch up.
ReplyDeleteI know kids can be so annoying, but please try and be gentle with him.
ReplyDeleteMadam you ll see this children they will make you to shout and shout ,sit him down and tell him mummy is tired of shouting don't you love your mummy again , my antie said one day she was telling his son headache headache o his son was asking him mummy what's wrong ,she was busy telling him bring paracetamol my head o, after sometime she sat him down and told him it's too much talking to him that's giving her headache, since then the shouting has reduced he will even be the one telling her mummy don't shout o cos of headache, most times you have to exhaust ways of parenting for your sanity. Once you re feeling guilty after beating him it's not ok again ,pls reduce restrain yourself he is a child this phase will pass.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy but pls don't inflict wound on him too much beating makes some children to be too stubborn, aggressive, or timid that if you see his mates outside shining out in terms of confidence you ll be ashamed , pls try and reduce give slight punishment like no cartoon, face the wall sometimes I ll tell my son no hugs from me today ,he will come and hold me oya mummy sorry and hold me I will tell him I don't like what you did o. Try communication it helps , try bombastic side eyes with mean face believe me he will take to correction, even if he likes a particular food like fried rice and salad, tell him if you make me not to shout I ll cook salad this weekend,in fact exhaust all means you ll learn from Us it will help
Parenting it's not easy the Lord is your strength
It was those days we were ignorant of the children and their challenges. There is nothing like a naughty child . He might be suffering from ADHD or Autism which most of us had and out grew it or became monsters because they didn’t know what was wrong and use water cane finish person life. Get help . If you are abroad be careful because if they find out your child has issues , it would be in his records. Talk to him from time to time and always know that children imitate us parents. Calm down
ReplyDelete