Hmmm....
HORRIBLE MARRIAGE
Hello Stella! Please sorry for the long post, help me post.
I feel depressed in the marriage I got myself into.i wish I can turn the time around to make things right.
I regret indulging in pri -marital s#x when I wasn't married because that's what got me into this marriage filled with regrets. I got pregnant out of wedlock for my husband,I even tried aborting the pregnancy twice because I wasn't sure if I was going to marry him reason being we just knew each other few months so we were still trying to get to know each other but the abortion didn't work out so he suggested we get married.
That was a hard decision for me because I was seeing so many red flags in him in which I knew I won't be able to cope with in marriage but I had no choice but to marry him because of the disgrace of carrying pregnancy in my parents house and everyone knowing how strict my father is I didn't want to bring disgrace to my family and again I just rounded up my nysc so I was unemployed and had no money to cater for any baby,that was the reason why I accepted to marry him
I was hoping in the long run he would change.
We only knew each other for six months before we got married. Have been regretting my decision ever since I married my husband.have been trying to see reasons why I need to stick with him but he is making it difficult for me. Rather than love i am having hatred for him.
This man has the ability to establish me in any business I want to do but he choose not to.rather he wants me to be dependent on him with the little he gives me for feeding in the home with no allowance or upkeep money to take care of myself,he buys things for me once in a blue moon and very stingy.
Out of frustration I went to get a teaching job in a private school where I collect peanut. When people see me outside they see me as a big man wife that is enjoying my husband money but they don't know I have nothing.
This man has two businesses that he is running, he involved only his family to help him run the business but me his wife I don't know anything about his business or how much he earns from his work,he still treats me like a stranger.
None of his property bears my name,his next of kin in all his document is his brother. What borthers me most is that whenever we have issues which can be just little misunderstanding this man weaponises money,he stops providing in the home for that period of time,I will be left at the mercy of my little salary that cannot provide much and we have two kids,if I beg him for feeding money he won't respond till I get my family to intervene before he responds but what he does is that he will now give me half the money he has been providing in the home instead of the usual amount he provides, when I complain to his family I will start hearing comments like manage maybe he doesn't have but deep within me I know he is only doing that to punish me that's why he has refused to open any business for me or involve me in any of his business so I won't see money and always be at his mercy.
Have tried getting other jobs but is only promise and fail I get,the only available job is teaching in private school where they use teachers and pay you peanut. I feel ashamed most of the time because I can't send money to my parents for feeding and treatment, it breaks my heart whenever needs arises from my parents and I cannot support or do anything about it.
My husband doesn't relate with my family he treats me like I did not come from a family but he always drags his family to my face,he forced them on me whether I like it or not. My family have never visited my home since I got married but his family comes around whenever they want even without letting me know,I always have unexpected guest since I got married and they stay for as long as they want stressing me out,all his siblings are older than me so I can't ask them to help me around the house rather I serve them for as long as they want to stay,I see it as a big problem because am not used being around people due to the way I was brought up,I hadly even visit people because am an introvert.
I like my private life but my husband likes his family always being around him, there is no day that passes by that his family don't visit.because of this frequent visits it has caused so many issues between me and my husband as they are certain ways he wants me to behave towards his family,I am not used to such is bordening to me cause I have to act what am not I don't even have privacy in my home or peace of mind because of his family especially my mother inlaw.
Most times I just want to go far away so I can get fresh air, during holidays I long to stay with my family because of lack of fund I won't be able to if I ask him for money to go see my family he would come up with different excuses.its been six years since I got married my parents haven't seen their grand children except my first child when she was a baby and yet he has refused to let me take my kids for visits. Now my mother inlaw have been in my home for months and it has been from one trouble to another.have never insulted his mother or done anything to her,he sent a message to my phone few days ago warning me that if his mother leaves his house because of me that it will be the end of the marriage.
I do not know what she told her son about me,me that is quiet and do not look for trouble,this same woman has issues with all her son's wives and hadly visits them and recently she and her daughter husband have a disagreement and she can't visit her daughter house again,only my husband house now that she have access to she is now trying to cause problem in my home now his threatening me with divorce because of his mom.
I have tried to tolerate all his irritating attitude,this man sometimes stays for days without bathing making the house to smell,have tried talking to him about yet no changes even involved my family and his concerning this same issue he would change for some few days then go back to his real self again,I decided to give up on it and let him do whatever he wants since it was difficult for him to change,NE: one of the red flag I noticed in him before we got married but I was thinking is something I can change I didn't know I will go this far concerning this issue.
I never knew they were people who don't bath for days till I met my husband,and I still found it a big problem because I hate offensive odour is that bad because it changes my mood even when am happy whenever he comes in I get angry but this man has refused to understand rather if I choose to ignore him and be silent he starts keeping malice with me,this man can keep malice with me till internity,and once he starts keeping malice with me it generates into a bigger problem in my marriage because he would take it personal so me who was the victim in the issue will now become the culprit that started a problem.
He behaves very immature,so unforgiving,he keeps bringing up issues we had in the past that I thought is gone and forgotten I will still be shock to hear this man talking about that same issue like it happened recently,he starve me of s#x,there was a time he never came to me for s#x for a year plus,I would go to him for s#x he would reject me sometimes,I can count how many times we've had s#x in this six years of marriage because they are months we don't make out as husband and wife. Another problem I have with him is the issue of him going nude,this man have no shame he goes naked around the house even with kids being around,I thought the presence of his family would make him minimise it but I was wrong he doesn't even care if his family are around he still goes nude, alright I thought maybe because they are his brothers he doesn't mind but no even his mother sees his nakedness everyday and what baffles me is that she don't react to it, even seems like is normal to them.i found it wierd because that's not how I was brought up.
I have tried talking to him about all the issues we have in our marriage and how we need to work on them he would concur with me during the discussion but I noticed after that nothing changes, everything still remains the same like we never had any discussion. Am tired of this marriage nothing seems to get better rather it get worst,he doesn't regard me as anything. Right now his keeping malice with me over issue that I do not know about,he has refused to provide in the home putting me in panick as I do not have money to provide for my kids. Have long thought of leaving because I won't be able to cater for my kids alone that's why am still here enduring and also he may not let me go with my kids and I can't leave my kids behind for any reason,not after wasting six years of my life with him without achieving anything,he would now kick me out with nothing and prevent my kids from going with me,that's the plot am sensing between him and his mom. Please I need advice and not insult,and please if you have any job vacancy for me that the pay is worthwhile connect me I don't mind relocating...
*Please at this stage, it is better you seek for a divorce or you leave the kids and go and hustle or take them and run....I kept reading hoping that i would advice you to manage but i cannt even manage this kind of situation, you both should NEVER HAVE MARRIED....Please get out of that situation before it is too late!
Wow a tale of woes. I have said it here; don't ever marry someone because you got pregnant to them but you have to choose to be a mother.
ReplyDeleteIf you had your child without marrying him, your life would not have been this complicated and frustrating. Even If I say you should divorce him, you don't even have the funds or means to sustain yourself and your kids.
What I will advise you is go to your mother and talk to her about your challenges: If you can get some funds from her like some sort of a loan to establish yourself in a business and get a place to rent or stay with her in the meantime with your kids. You have to be tactical because if you divorce him now, he will not give you shishi or the law here is a true donkey; nobody will fight for you and ensure that you get the spousal support from him.
A separation will suffice for now before you think of divorcing him.
All the best..
I will never stop saying this; no woman should enter marriage without her own money. Even if you don't have, have family that can show up and back you up. The animal is behaving that way because he knows she doesn't have any where to turn. Shey na my sister man wan treat like that? Iku pa e. I will rubbish you with my money and power. Rubbish!
DeletePoster, sorry o. Maybe you should start planning your exit. Honestly, I can't cope with any of these things you mentioned.
You could have focused on empowering yourself financially after the first baby instead of have a second kid but what's done is done. My advice to any woman is to have your own money before getting married and have the number of kids you can single handedly take care of. Having his brother as his next of kin instead of his wife/kids is a big red flag. It shows his level of thinking and how much he cares about you & the kids.
DeleteIf you are in Lagos, you can separate and take him to justice court. He will be mandated to give you monthly allowance, rent a new place for you and the kids, cover the kids medical, and their school fees.
Regarding the lack of knacks, shouldn't you be happy the s*x is not frequent? You just complained of BO Abi you no mind the smell when you are doing the do? Also more knacks may lead to baby #3.
It's strange for a full grown man to be parading Stark naked. I don't understand that part abeg. Like he doesn't even wear boxers?
Sorry I no fit read am finish
ReplyDeleteNo be small epistle. Its either u stay or leave. Choose.
DeleteThis is not about premarital scx but the fact that even while dating, you saw the red flagssss and entertained scx with him. What was your intentions? You obviously don’t have strong finances that is why he feels you tried to trap him with pregnancy. If you can, turn a blind eye on him n family and focus on your plan. When it is time, leave.please be financially strong to a level before getting involved with anyone because the story will still be the same.
DeleteAfter all these epistle, she will stay. The fear of hunger is killing people. Poster, this is not a marriage. Everything in you has been destroyed. You alone can make yourself strong and make up your mind. I don't advice people to leave because me self dey look for husband but honestly if you are my sister, you would have long left. Insult his mother let him give you the divorce. Chai
Delete16:36, the premarital sex is the only thing that this entire chronicle is predicated upon. Premarital sex led to unwanted pregnancy which forced her to end up with him despite seeing all the red flags. She said it herself, if not for the pregnancy out of wedlock he wasn’t a man she would ever marry.
DeleteStop testing
DeleteGet industrial strength family planning
Your husband doesn't like or respect you
You were just a womb , nanny and housekeeper
Marriage for him wasn't about love but control
You are being financially abused
Don't buy anything for the next six months that is not absolutely a need, lock up and stop looking at his money. He has made it so that even if he does, you get nothing
Teach, make and sell items, sell online , pray, sell safely, keep quiet and work with strong focus. Go back to school, open university (increase your capacity to earn). Have a goal, quietly become financially strong and keep that information to yourself
Success
Stop testing
DeleteGet industrial strength family planning
Your husband doesn't like or respect you
You were just a womb , nanny and housekeeper
Marriage for him wasn't about love but control
You are being financially abused
Don't buy anything for the next six months that is not absolutely a need, lock up and stop looking at his money. He has made it so that even if he does, you get nothing
Teach, make and sell items, sell online , pray, sell safely, keep quiet and work with strong focus. Go back to school, open university (increase your capacity to earn). Have a goal, quietly become financially strong and keep that information to yourself
Success
We don start to twist her words. She clearly said but for the pregnancy, she would not have married her husband.
DeleteWhere did the pregnancy come from? Not premarital gbensh?
Sorry madam. Since your husband doesn't want to involve you in his business and finance, don't force it before they assume you married him because of his money.
ReplyDeleteFocus on what is working. Intensify your search for a better job.
Look inwards to see if there are areas you needs to make changes. I understand that some people can be difficult, pray to God to give you wisdom to handle the issues of life. Leaving your marriage is not the solution except your life is in danger.
Really? So it is only when her life is in danger that she can leave? Please her life is in danger, HER MENTAL health is already in danger .
DeleteI still do not understand how you had a second child and still begging for sex from someone who does not shower and treat you like this! Well...
ReplyDeleteI tire ooh with all these that she just narrated here she is still talking of sex when she suppose to think of a way to leave the so called useless marriage.
DeleteShebi you people know that some people cannot control their sensual urge. You want her to get sex from outside baa. Give advice that you can take if you were in her shoes o. So six good months you want a woman living with her husband not to desire sex? Is it not here that we read about those that say they can't go upto one week without sex?
DeleteHe has broken her down mentally. The woman she was before she met him is not the woman who wrote that chronicle. She may also have had issue from growing up with an overly strict father. See she attracted a man who is domineering, perhaps similar in many ways to her father.
DeleteSo, whatever her father did in how he conducted his home has been followed up with by the man she married. She needs many things. She needs a lot of therapy and self discovery. I doubt even she knows who she is anymore. While we can wonder from a point of logic, someone with a broken psyche does not do anything that will look remotely logical. Just writing this make me feel so sad for this woman. I wish her all the goodness in the world. May God come through for her, even if only this one time to remind her that love exists and she is not alone.
Lol @you never knew there are people who don’t bathe for days.
ReplyDeleteOntop of his nasty/childish/irresponsible behavior, he is dirty.
Madam, start planning on leaving.
It’s really sad that your husband has deprived your kids of spending time with their maternal grand parents.
For now, just move back to your parent’s and do it soon.
Sluttychic.
This is one of the advice I hate giving married people but in ur case, I will. If there’s means to start stealing from him. Start ASAP. Start gathering something that can at least get u a one room apartment somewhere. Pls pls and pls, leave that environment. No child should be made to grow up in such toxic environment.
ReplyDeleteStart working on getting pro bono lawyers that can help you get child support. Gosh! I hate stingy men! I absolutely hate them! You hate me enough not to provide for me because of quarrel but u also hate ur kids that much? Jesus!
What happens after the rent of the 1 room apartment expires? She said her salary is peanuts.
DeleteThe problem is nowhere she can steal his money. A man like this will make sure he barricades everywhere. God abeg
DeleteEka you see this kain man you can never collect even thousand, if he is abroad she can collect money say money for medication if it's 5k she can say 10k, at this point the best way to leave is to leave this is not marriage begging a man to touch you ,no intimacy ,Wahala up and down to go your papa house is the best option for jer
DeleteWETIN BE THIS
ReplyDeleteNa real wetin be this🤢
DeleteYour situation is very similar to mine, only difference being:
ReplyDeleteI didn’t marry because of pregnancy, I married him because I thought he was the right one for me, but I was wrong.
He is not dirty, he takes regular bath and doesn’t smell, but you see this issue of packing siblings, it’s emotionally exhausting! I came home from my wedding to meet five of my husband’s siblings in our house, they have no respect for me or my family, no respect for privacy or boundaries. They are the most entitled bunch I have met in my entire life.
My mother in-law is a big pretender and a manipulator, who does nothing but spread hate about me and anyone she doesn’t like.
My husband uses money as a weapon whenever we have a misunderstanding, he will stop bringing money. I thank God for my ever hardworking and supportive family.
My husband uses sex as a weapon, just like your husband, he can deny me sex for up to 6mths while sleeping around shamelessly.
Just like you, I am tired of my marriage; even if I decide to tolerate my husband, I will never put up with the behavior of his family. Thankfully, I have renewed my passport and started saving up while also pretending to be ok with no sex, I am getting ready to shock him, I will not trade my happiness and peace of mind for any family drama.
Please look for websites where you can get paid for doing favors, gather small money and stop asking for sex because you don’t need another baby. Put yourself together and move. You deserve better
Thank you
DeleteShe is asking such an animal for sex, just imagine. You want another baby to complicate your life? Hope you are on family planning madam?
It's like you have not learnt any lesson. Continue beggy beggy for sex instead of looking for ways to make money other than teaching
There can't be two sides to a story where only one person is taking a daily bath. OP, any other thing you've said, that your husband goes without bathing for days is a major deal breaker. It shows a gravely alarming psychological imbalance.
ReplyDeleteYou are living with an emotionally stunted individual. There is nothing to work with there. So there's nothing to counsel. Your husband is still very much a child in mentality, reasoning and actions.
Obviously, your family are not well to do. If they were, you'd not be in this mess. Are you a Muslim? Because it sounds as if you are. Aren't there support channels for women in your mosque? You need to raise money and leave that environment.
Because even from your post, kolo don dey worry you small small. You are already losing your tenuos grip on reality. Your kids need you to be mentally sound.
The truth of the matter is that he's Occultic. Run for your dear life. He's draining your energy for occultic purpose.
ReplyDeleteInteresting insight.
DeleteHe lacks any kind of love or respect for her. He would quicker see her starve to death. I am not sure why she is staying. There are men and then there are men, but why stay with a wicked man. Yes, starting over is hard, very hard. But anything is better than living in hell and dining with a demon in human flesh every night.
More young girls are reading this blog daily, so at the expense of sounding prudish, i would never get tired of telling you all.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing positive about premarital sex. Yes i said it. Learn to discipline yourself and hold your body, it would do you a lot of good.
Even the ones that indulge in it regularly, ask them, if they agree to be sincere with you, they would tell you after the pleasure of few few minutes comes a lot of guilt and sometimes fear. If it is something to be proud of, why do they lie to their prospective partners about the number of their sex previous sex partners, they should say it with pride the same way they can proudly mention how many places they have worked or how many degrees they have achieved.
Young girls, any man that wants to be sincere with you will not want to touch you talk more of impregnating you before marriage. They mostly start disrespecting you after they have had sex with you and impregnate you, you become another name on their long list of jilted women.
Please have some dignity and respect, hold it till he is ready to marry you. There is no easy way around it.
From the beginning of this week, i cannot count the number of chronicles women have written to show the evil in premarital sex. Please have the fear of God and respect His words, He sees ur intentions and would make it very easy for you.
Afterall, sometimes we lack, but we discipline our selves not to steal from others, it means if you can contain such lack and control desires regarding other people’s belongings, then we can control our sexual urge.
Please this is my opinion and a reminder of God’s word in a chaotic world, if you feel the need to disrespectfully disagree with me, know that i didn’t invent the words, God did. So it is for Him not me.
The guilt is because of teaching them it’s wrong
DeleteStand strong @16:04.
DeleteThere are BVs here who dislike your message so much. A Bv use to post similar message. I really enjoyed reading her educating comments and learnt from them. But... And I have not seen her comments for long now. I hope and pray he/she is doing well.
Thank you Anon 16:04.
DeleteGod bless you for this.
Pre-marital sex, fornication, even adultery is WRONG.
16:25, No, the guilt is because their spiritual sense is still alive and they know that they have wronged themselves. I totally agree with you that the guilt is because they are taught that it is wrong.
DeleteWho said it is wrong? God. What are they being taught? The word of God.
From the chronicle of yesterday to the one of today, you would realise that, it is worth being taught, in fact, apart from guilt, we have also learnt that regret and bitterness is added to the mix.
16:25 The guilt is because of teaching them it is wrong or because deep down they know it is wrong?
Delete19:48 it’s because of teaching
DeleteTheir mates that are not taught this are having sex without guilt m
00:13 Teaching of the word of God, You mean?
DeleteWell, judging from the first anon's comment and yours, I think there are two categories of people.
People who know it's wrong and still indulge ( where the poster fell into) and people who are in the dark and have no idea that fornication is a sin.
You are right some people are ignorant because they have not had revelation of the word.
Just like someone who the TEACHING of tooth brushing has not been inculcated into them would never feel guilty of having a stinky breath and being polluted with mouth stench but poster on the other hand has an issue with it because she has been taught and she is knowledgeable of what is right to keep the physical body clean. So I think it is same with keeping the spiritual body clean and holy away from being polluted
I remember a lady who called a radio station once and she said she was heartbroken.
When asked what happened. She confessed that she broke up with her boyfriend. She said she read the word of God and realised that she has been sinning all along. She doesn't want to continue with sex outside marriage because that is sexual immorality considering the guy is not even her husband, but the guy does not understand neither does he see it as a sin and he doesn'want them to stop. She broke up with him and became celibate. Listening to her, I was shocked that there were people who had no idea that fornication is a sin despite knowing God and reading his words. Even those of other religion knows this. I had always thought most people knew but some were just being rebellious or lacked self-control(They believe God created the world sent Jesus to die for our sins but refused to accept that fornication is a sin)but them being ignorant never crossed my mind.
So I think I get your point and that of anon 18:05.
I was almost mistaken thinking you were trying to say, it is the teaching that made it a sin and not because God said so.
Because that statement could lead to a broader and complex argument. Even adulterers would then feel confident to step forward and say it is the teaching that made adultery a sin and not that it is a sin in itself and everyone might be tempted to step forward and defend their sins.
Anon 16:30 I have not been commenting for sometime because the theme seems to be recurrent. It’s very distressing to read about young ladies going through preventable “hell” chronicle after chronicle! Ladies, REDUCE the odds of becoming a babymama with a deadbeat dad or becoming a miserable abused woman like this poster. Raw S*x is between two people but the decision to get pregnant is by the woman because after the act you could have used postinor if it was a mistake as they work for up to 72 hours! The bible asks us to teach younger women for a reason. Flee premarital sex. It’s not food nor is it oxygen! Remember there used to be dedicated NUNs who lived till 80s in the Catholic Church who NEVER engaged in it! If the foundation of your marriage is wrong, it’s easy for the devil to mess you up by pushing you into a wicked family.
DeleteI am sorry about your situation. I don’t condemn you just because you have been debased & abused & need help right now. You got pregnant with the 1st, & complicated matters by having another kid for a wicked man from a dysfunctional family😳 As they say here, “when you are in a hole, stop digging”. After 2 kids you are not glad he isn’t forcing you into intimacy with his poor hygiene & warped understanding of marriage? You want to birth a 3rd one into misery? You first need to leave & get therapy to regain your self esteem & self worth. You have worth, you deserve better. Young ladies, women bear the brunt of unprotected sex & many terrible marriages! Read the poster’s chronicle to understand it could go wrong so stay on the right side of God’s word. He will defend you if it doesn’t work out, not saying he won’t show you mercy if you don’t.
There is a common thread I notice in our culture, young adults making lifetime mistakes and still feeling they need to bear the financial burdens of their indifferent but entitled extended family.
Poster, it doesn’t seem your own family care about you else they would have encouraged you to get out & organized some practical ways to help even if they are poor & live in a slum. Yet you still feel financially responsible for them with all you are going through? Did you marry the man thinking he will help them financially? You traded your future for extended family comfort? I ask because you saw a few red flags but for money!
He & his family seem like a dysfunctional one who could be diabolical. He may not really love you as shown by his cheating (STD risk?) not taking care of his own kids, brother as next of kin, but being “naked” before his kids & mom are sick. Stop seeing yourself as a wife for now, it’s Stockholm syndrome to desire a wicked man with poor hygiene, a cheat who starves you of all that marriage is about.
1. You need to first ask God to forgive you and show you his mercy. No offense if you don’t agree. He will answer as soon as you call in Jesus name. 2. Plan to get out WITH your children. It could be a two month plan or 6 month plan but start! 3. Call your own family. If you become the First Lady they will show up, why abandon you now? Contact the relevant organizations if in Lagos state.
4. Go MFM headquarters in Yaba. You are in a serious situation with a man in bondage who may have an Œdipus complex. Your kids need prayers as well.
I know a woman many years ago whose millionaire husband gave housekeeping money to his family instead of her. She would beg them for money! Things got so bad she used rags as pads as her in-laws denied her the husband’s money.
She went to mfm at Yaba & they prayed with her. I’m not promoting any church but Christ & Bible based prayers of “desperation after humiliation” like Hannah! Prayer broke the evil soul ties.
Please note that I am not asking you to pray because of a man but for you & your children to fulfill your destinies as Sex is spiritual. Many have slept away their destinies & need to pray for mercy. God loves you & has better plans for you and your kids than the “hell” you are in. All will be well✌🏾.
He is a childish stingy man but you are also a dumb ass.
ReplyDeleteBroke and alone, you went to born child number 2 for a smelly man.
Money you no get, family support you no get, job you no get.
So how you wan take employ person wey go look after your children make you go hustle?
Which advice you want make we give you now, myself I no even know where to start.
I no sabi advice you but just know say, na money dey make the world go round and round.
Women hustle ooooo, make man no disgrace you all because of marriage.
Women hustle ooooo, make you give your children better life.
Women hustle ooooo, that be the price, husband no be price again oh.
she still dey find baby number 3 cuz l don't understand how she's still asking him for sex with all his smelly body and bad attitude. l don't think this poster is fed up. maybe she wrote this chronicle because he's currently keeping malice with her, when they finally settle she'll still add another baby to the equation.
DeleteDon't be a fool poster, leave sex ALONE
DeleteThat is not your immediate problem, you are poor
Work your way out of poverty with single-minded ness
I'm Telling you. Instead of her to buy a dildo or masturbate and be relieved, she is begging the idiot for sex. The sex that led you to where you are today, raw sex that turned your life upside down, you are still looking for it. How to make money should be your priority now.
DeleteLeave with your kids to an unknown destination because they will come to your parents house to take back those kids immediately from you. Look for an unknown destination and go. I would have asked you not to inform your parents about your moves so they won't spill your secrets to your husband but I don't know how they would be able to manage shock if they hear that you are no where to be found.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a cousin that you can trust with your secrets please reveal your plans to him or her.
When you relocate with your kids to an unknown destination, stay there for few months, when you notice that your husband's search for your whereabout has ended for that period, bring back your kids to your village so they can stay there for sometime to get used to the environment so incase you take them back to their dad in future and their dad decides to finally keep them away from you, they can be able to trace back the village when they wisen up a bit. I wouldn't want you to shoulder the responsibility of catering for the kids alone and if you flee from that house and start demanding for upkeep from wherever you are hiding he may not listen to you, he may ask you to bring back his kids if you really want him to contribute. If you decide to shoulder the responsibility of catering for the kids alone,if they grow they will still look for their dad and probably give him a better treatment not minding what the man made you pass through in this life.
Don't hide the information of all that their dad did to you when you were with him. Let them know the reason you left. If they have the picture of what you went through in their dad's hand's they will learn to appreciate you more when they grow.
From another perspective,I would say you should leave them with their dad and flee to an unknown destination. When you finally get back at your feet, you can come back to pick them. First go to his house and demand to take them for holidays make sure you don't go there alone, you have to go there with people who would bear withness that you once came to inform him that you want to take your kids for holidays. If he tries to fault you for abandoning them without informing anybody, anybody around that he maltreated you and frustrated you out of the marriage. If he insists that you don't go with the kids, then look for an avenue by which you can pick them secretly at their school and when you get back to your destination, you call him on phone to inform him that your kids are with you. If they take your to court you have withnesses who would attest to the fact that you once came to take the kids with you at home but he refused. Make sure your very close friends that he can't bribe with money are among the people that will stand as withness for you.
Thirdly, if you did proper marriage, you can go the legal way of paper divorce.
The kids belong to both of them o.
DeleteLeaving will be difficult for someone without much income. How will she cope with two children for months in this economy. I prefer she makes her plans well and save before leaving.
DeleteAlso I don’t agree with letting her children know of the issues between her and her husband. Let them find out by themselves, she shouldn’t go about putting bad ideas in her children head against their daddy. The children are still growing and still needs their dad, that it didn’t work out between them doesn’t mean it should be so between the children and their daddy.
Pls the children and her, who would feed them while they are in hiding? She said she is broke.
DeleteWahala upon everything hygiene zero,abeg look for solution quickly.
ReplyDeleteYou still sidon gidigbaa there dey ask us question.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should just come bathe him for you.
Person no dey baff na you still dey find s*x from him? Sotey he's doing shakara with his smelling body 🤣.
God, abegg oo. 😁
You are so insensitive
DeletePoster, if you are tired of the marriage as you have presented here, seek family and professional help. It is always easier than thought with help from those two sources.
ReplyDeleteThere are female lawyers groups (FIDA, NBA women) and other NGOs that provide counselling and services to women facing challenges as you face now. If you are in Lagos State, make enquiries online, the State has several Agencies that can help you.
Too many women fear that the men will take their children. So men use that fear to control the women. But it is not always so. In fact, the law is pro women keeping children when there is a divorce or separation except where the woman has a gross character.
Lastly, you talked so much about your family not being allowed to see your children. But it does not appear that they are so keen. Your family has not seen you for 5 good years and they do not come looking for you? Yes, you may be in contact on telephone. But their being away, not sending you anything, not visiting also empowers the hands of your husband against you.
And have you told your family about your travails as wailed in this post? What was their reaction. Or do you come from regions or areas or a family where a woman is sent to marriage as if sold away from the family or sent on an errand to go bring income and ignored if she does not succeed?
Tell your family to ask your husband to release you and your children during the Christmas holiday. During that visit, you can re-evaluate your life and if you decide to leave the marriage finally, you can start or do all background work. If you return, back to him, he would start trusting you to go and come until you move finally.
of income.
Hmmm. Wetin be this?? Na marriage be this? God forbid bad thing. It's better to be single o than be in this kind of marriage
ReplyDeleteThis spirit of shame that so many of you carry that causes you to marry anything and anyone needs to be dropped. Not even child molesters and murderers get the retribution that unmarried pregnant women get.
ReplyDeleteAs hard as being a sole parent would have been, the damage that has been done to you mentally through this marriage experience would have been avoided. Now, you have to navigate life more broken, needing mental health care and with two young children not just one.
This respectability that must be shown at all cost must end. Now you are a fragment of yourself. Begging for scraps of affection from a man who is no more than a worm in the universe, essentially nothing. This is what psychological torture will reduce a once promising woman to. Please go seek a woman focused charity or NGO to get counselling and a way forward. They can help you. You are a teacher so you know how to be resourceful. Please save yourself, before this thing called marriage destroys the little that is left of you. Go get help!!!
Oh dear, I feel so sorry for you and your kids, You should talk to your family about this, There's no way, they won't get you out. You cannot continue like this. Since you can't leave easily , I pray God comes through for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd the man doesn't even bath, how do you even cope? Chai!!, It's well.
In all this you still want sex ? From a smelly pig like that ? Is your cooch that itchy ?! Are you looking to be in that marriage forever? Because sex leads to pregnancy and you already had two for him, like why ?! Naah your issue is spiritual because why you born 2 for him and want sex from him ? Why ?!
ReplyDeleteLook for DPA on facebook and join them. They will help you with everything you will be needing. DPA- Due process Advocate s
ReplyDeleteMake sure you pay the membership /registration fee so that they will attend to your case
DeleteThis really made me so sad, pls we need to help this lady. I think your husband has a mental problem you need to leave as soon as possible. I will try and get in touch with stella on this issue, u don't mind sacrificing my one month salary on this issue.
ReplyDeleteWomen and money. Madam you married a mad man because of money. No normal human being, will stay for day without bathing. No normal human being go about make. These two are signs of madness.
ReplyDeleteLastly, you are married into a mad family, how can an adult male be naked in the front his mom. God forbid evil.
Sit down and think very hard
ReplyDeleteYour parents don’t have money but do you have any friend at all that likes you in school and can help you. A girlfriend that knew you and cares about you
There’s usually one person left
Poster please walk away and have peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteI always find it funny when people say they married because they find put they were married and they didn't want to bring Shane to the family blah blah blah, but it wasn't a shame to knacking like pi.gs before marriage abi? That one was a thing of joy ba?
ReplyDeleteNau that it was pikin and not plasma tv that fell out, it is a thing of shame ba? Leeemaooooo.
Abeg adjust your cross biko.
PS: why are there so many dirty men who don't bathe or clean their buttocks?? Head of house nyansh go dey smell. Me I get irritated very easily o.
Dear poster,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for all the travails you are experiencing in your marriage, it's painful and sad to comprehend how we keep making this one mistaking of going into marriage without a good means of livelihood. Please don't get me wrong, but I would disagree at the issue of premarital sex being the reason you got married to your husband. You said "We only knew each other for six months before we got married." That's a long time to continue with someone with a contrary mentality with you, except you stayed that long because of the "common" attraction. Without factoring in the chances of getting pregnant. So I think when it came to a reason to getting married, there were other stronger factors that contributed to being open to that idea. Otherwise, you would have packed your bag and ran before the bubble bursted.
Nevertheless I wouldn't blame you, many of us have been in that position and by luck or decision didn't fall into such trap - while some regretably did. What should you do? You must make up your mind together with your family on what you want. I pray you don't have the traditional family who don't welcome separation and divorce. If this angle is settled then you should take a good walk out of this marriage. Maybe not an outright divorce, separation for a start. Please don't fight for the custody of your children, you don't have the means to sustain that battle. Except you have the financial backing of your family.
Meanwhile, you need to expediently create a plan that can suffice in the short term with whatever decision you take with your family on this issue. And also find a long-term plan from within you that will empower your growth. The time is now, to make a decision on what you want for your life. If you don't separate from this man, you will be totally lost in this marriage. And may never recover yourself. Your conscience might have indicted you for what you find yourself in, it may never forgive you for the mistake you'll be making by staying put and devaluing your life purpose. The choice is yours to make. In all don't rush your decision, without a concrete plan. Yes no plan is foolproof, but there's success in trying and failing and trying again. Everyone has a dream, a goal and an objective, to fulfill in this life, find yours then you would have found your purpose. It's never going to be easy, but it's will always be the better choice - seize it. Anything that consumes your happiness and peace of mind, is not worth your sacrifice. In all, never stop praying to God. Not for your marriage but for God to show you mercy and align you to your divine purpose. You will be fine, the beginning will be discouraging, fight it, don't lose hope but persevere - it's easier said anyway. Know it that many have gone through worse fire and came out scathed with scars but turned their lives around eventually. It's never too late to redeem and reclaim the life you envisioned for yourself. Except it's not important to you, but you are important us here that's why we are telling you this. And we want the best for you. Wipe your tears, pick up yourself and take this leap of faith, for there's always a light at the end of the tunnel if you're intentional about the pursuit of your happiness.
I pray God comforts your brokenness, with favours.
💯
DeletePlease start gathering evidence now , start the planning process of escape.. evidence evidence and more evidence you will need to prove and fight for yourself and your children
ReplyDeletePoster you married a mentally ill man, you were too young and inexperienced to detect it and he came for you and rushed you because you were naive. He can never change. Be wary of men that rush to marry or impregnate any lady cos they have issues they’re covering up. You should focus on getting a good job, having your own money and taking care of your children. This is to the poster of in house news that said girls should marry at the age of 21 to 24. This is the result. Do not let society push you to untimely death ladies. Ignore the naysayers and do you. I wish you all the best poster cos I will not go to hellfire for anyone because I won’t tell anyone the decision they should take about their life. I live my life and so should everyone cos on the last day I’ll answer for myself and take the consequences of my actions.
ReplyDelete