Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRYING A SECOND WIFE
Dear Stella and BVs
How do i tell my wife that i need to marry a second wife because age is no longer on my side and i want to start making babies? I have waited 10 years and its not happening and i dont want to go behind her back.
I really have someone i want to marry and i got her pregnant and she is insisting that she does not want a baby out of wedlock and will take it out if i dont make a move...... I really want this baby but dont really want it to be a secret from my wife....
Please note that making this baby was not a mistake, i wanted it and told her right from when i met her that i wanted a baby....
I am scared of not having a child before God calls me....
My Family says there is no need to tell her as it would make her feel bad and she might leave, they say a lot of men do this and keep it away from their wives but id ont want this, I want her to be part of the journey and who knows, may God will answer our prayers through this baby.
I am not in love with this woman carrying my child and i am also not in love anymore with my wife but i love her a lot and she feels like family....
Marrying the other lady would be just bride price and nothing more.
Please i need very serious advice cos this is a serious matter
Hmmmm this is so sad meeeeeeen. I really dont know how to tell you to break this kind of News and i honestly wish you the best..
I am so sad for your wife and I pray that in all of this, there will be some kind of good news...
Before you tell your wife. Make sure you carry out a DNA test on that child.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you advising him. He doesn't need a DNA the child, is his.
DeletePoster, don't do DNA, carry on. Please liberate your lovely wife so she can cry, get healed and meet the love of her life.
I agree with this comment. Please make sure that child is yours before you do anything.
DeleteThere was/is always another better option. Doing it together with your wife along.
DeleteSurrogate would have been better (Twins at a go with your sperm).
You do not love your baby mama, i hope you clearly communicated to her that it is transactional o. verify that the child is yours please via DNA.
Please come clean to your wife but Do not go the marriage part for your baby mama please.
You can always buy eggs and use your sperm to fertilize. pay someone to carry the babies to term. No deceit/No feelings/No baggage etc.
I know of a lady and guy, while dating got pregnant, because they are not ready for the journey, they agreed and did abortion.
DeleteWhen they later got married, no pregnancy, after so many years, the man started cheating and one lady got pregnant for him.
He started dealing with his wife emotionally, financially and physically, that the abortion might have damaged her womb.
Family of the woman , went to bring their daughter back home, the next few days, the pregnant lady moved in.
2 months later, she gave birth to a baby girl.
The emotional trauma on the wife was nothing to write home about but she moved on.
After 2 years, the child was so ill that they needed blood transfusion, that's how the man found out he is not the father, further secret tests by him proves he is suffering from secondary infertility.
The child later left, and he was so ashamed to continue the marriage, he went back to his wife family but she has remarried with a child then.
Sometimes, some ladies take advantage of such men.
If say e meet me, I would have happily had the baby with him without even asking for child support or marriage. And would have just been a family friend even to his wife. I'm tired of man wahala and just want to have a baby and rest.
DeleteI pray that the good God will settle you and give you peace. Your husband and children are coming soon.
DeleteAnd it has to be with a married man? Demented logic.
Deletethis is huge
DeleteMao Akuh
Poster,let me put myself in your wife's shoes as I am very much in the same situation s she is...9 years of marriage with no child. Not for lack of trying as miscarriages,IVF,Surrogacy hs not produced any chid for us yet. I understand you want a child and you have gone ahead to do what you feel is the solution to your problem. But,pls,sit her down and tell her yourself. It will be worse if she hears from outside as she is bound to hear it very soon. Also,be ready for whatever action she takes...either to stay or to leave
DeleteYou can't force the decision for her to be a part of this whole thing on her. You have betrayed her trust and you may never get it back. Another woman is now in the equation,has done what she couldn't do for you in 10years...so things will never be the same for her no matter how you try to reassure her it won't. You will have another wife and the much desired child but you may lose her.
In this situation,I would definitely want my husband to tell me himself what he has done rather than hearing it in a snide comment from an outsider or even family member. He owes me that much at least. The decision to stay will or leave will be all mine
. Human desires are very strong and make us do things we don't even imagine ourselves doing sometimes.
Wow! 16:35 how things turned around. That can only be God's handiwork 😱😳
DeleteHow are you sure that the baby is yours
DeleteMake sure you go a DNA before going to pay her bride price oo
May God Almighty bless your wife with the fruit of the womb ijn Amen Amen and Amen 🙏
Lizzy baby
Nooo, let him not do a DNA test, as long as semen comes out from his kini, he is fertile and his wife is the one with issues.
DeleteOga, na your baby dey there, go and marry her secretly and I pray your wife finds out, leaves you, finds a good man, settles down with him and has a child with him using one of the available options if she truly cannot get pregnant.
Evil man. May my daughter or sister not meet your type.
Anon 19:20 sorry to hear your TTC journey, I had similar experience but without the surrogate bit. If it’s miscarriages, there’s a lot of treatments that work. Mine was worst, but abdominal cerclage, progesterone injection supplements and aspirin with clexane worked. If you can afford any developed countries like UK , go to lister fertility clinic in Chelsea they are very good but do your research and discuss with them how you want them to personalise your treatment. Stay blessed
DeleteXxbarbiexx
This is not nice. You stepped out on your wife, your marital vows, and got a woman pregnant. Now you want to talk to your wife about marrying a 2nd wife. Why didn't you talk about surrogacy with your wife.? Do you know what this will do to her? You want to marry a woman that got pregnant for you, do you know the kind of torture you're going to put your wife through. DO YOU??
ReplyDeleteMy main question is, why dint you inform your wife of this need before finding someone, dating her and getting her pregnant? You wanted to test if you could get someone pregnant.
DeleteNow you are here asking us questions, do whatever you wish, you dint seek out advice before
Push up (original)
Wicked man, if you are not in love with your wife, let her decide what she wants with her life.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you are a poor man, if not you would have considered surrogacy or IVF with your wife.
I pray the soon to be second wife gives you another man’s baby as yours
Amen
DeleteGbam for your last statement. He needs to pay for this betrayal. No prior discussion with the wife now she want her to be part of the journey. Very cold world we live in.
DeleteSome people are too stingy to spend on ivf with their wife even when they have
DeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteDon't know what to type....elders should come in here.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I’m sorry to say but I don’t wish you well sir. Men are so selfish. I pray that child doesn’t belong to you and I wish your wife will leave you to a better person
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Amen!
DeleteGbam, very selfish man. I'm sure when the woman cry about he will telling her to calm down that he is with her and nothing will go wrong. Giving the woman false hopes while moaning on top another woman.
DeleteHaaa Poster you are wicked. Very wicked. This was your plan all along. You connived with your family to do this.
ReplyDeleteYou have options : Adoption and Surrogacy. Your goal is just to marry a 2nd wife. Why did you do this to your wife...
You are a cold calculated callous, selfish, wicked person. May God wipe your wife's tears
I'm just weak honestly. I feel so bad for that innocent woman. So so bad
DeleteAmen. See the way he is even causally talking about it. She should be part of the journey. Nothing person no go read online.
DeleteWicked, evil man! I pray God gives the wife strength because this is really sad.
DeleteAnon 15:52 he is very mean and wicked Man..he was even saying he dont think he loves his wife anymore..yeye man.
DeleteHis goal was to have sex, enjoy the sex, have more sex and then is forming shocked on how to tell his wife.
DeleteIf he wanted to have kids, he would have a surrogate with his own sperm, but he wanted to enjoy the sex.
Rubbish
Push up (original)
I just weak and feel for your wife poster, this is not the way to pay your wife who has stayed with you for 10 years and then cheat on her and want to marry your side chic? That’s the height of audacity.
DeleteI know of someone here in Abuja that is willing to be a surrogate.
Poster, you would have tried other options but again, you mentioned that you’re no longer in love with your wife and she is now bla bla bla.
Poster,
ReplyDeleteThe deed has been done but you made a mistake of impregnating another woman without seeking your wife opinion on a second wife. Since it has happened this way, there's nothing to hide anymore. Open up and let her know about it. Whatever decision she made will be fine either way. The most important thing is that, you keep that child.
Some people frown at polygamy due to its problems at home but then I have seen a happy and peaceful polygamous home as well.
10yrs is enough time to wait Mr poster, please go ahead and break the news to her, do it today because the earlier you do it, the earlier she starts to mourn and make her own decision.
ReplyDeleteI am a woman, and I will advise every woman to go through all fertility tests before marriage, and if the man is infertile, BE WISE enough to put yourselves first because, if tables turn, the man will stain your white… put yourselves first.
This case here is exactly what befell my eldest sister 9yrs ago. Sad world
Hmmmmm
DeleteDid you say ten years is a long time to wait? You have never heard of couple who are perfectly fine but are unable to conceive? Is poster's wife God?
DeleteOga, you have done what's in your mind. Our views and opinion aren't of import at this point. You have gotten what you want, your side chic has gotten what she wants. She has played her cards right and now she is insisting on marriage.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you this however, should you lose your wife, a time might come when you will regret the peace of mind you lost with her. You may have gotten a child now, will your new wife give you peace of mind? You went ahead and did all these on your own without your wifes knowledge. That's betrayal and confirmation of her worst fears.
You were a lie to your own marriage. Marriage, been a journey of togetherness, has no timeframe for patience. Is having a child worth sacrificing your marriage?
You even say you don't love your wife anymore. Why not ask for a divorce? No woman deserves to remain in a loveless marriage and she'll still be mocked for her childlessness. Let that woman go. She can't count on your shoulders to be there. I'm sure she doesn't deserve the trauma you bringing another woman into the home will cause her.
Let that woman go!
God I am so pained! I am just in tears!!
DeleteYou can imagine, it's seems some people just joke with people mental health. They don't just care about your sanity. it's really worrisome
DeleteDogalmight is it audacity for me..saying he does not think he loves his wife anymore..I just pray for that his side chicken to show him pepper when the time is ripe.
DeleteThank you Dog almighty
DeleteBe part of what journey exactly oga? Another woman's pregnancy that will be rubbed in her face?
ReplyDeleteLeave matter, pay bride price, have your child.
If she stays fine if not fine, una go dey alright.
It's a painful thing no one can recover
Are you minding him. Be part of an adulterous journey. Mr. Man enjoy that journey alone and leave someone's daughter alone
DeleteDon’t mind of his dirty mouth. Perhaps he’s expecting that his wife will join to nanny the child after birth. Part of the journey indeed
DeleteGod bless you for wanting to atleast let her know, be ready to for anything and everything, the hurt won't heal easily but she will come around, make her be part of the whole process, she will forgive you eventually
ReplyDeleteHe wants her to know, because he wants to marry a 2nd wife, and to be honest with you, i hope she doesn't forgive him. He is a wicked human being. She deserves better than being married to him.
DeleteGod bless what? God bless nothing! I don't even understand some things people say. Make I comot this place before I vex sef
DeleteCandy What will her not forgiving him do? Women it high time you all get wise, visit hospitals do IVF, do surrogate while waiting and praying, it's same God that gave scientist brain to cub a lot of problems like this. Don't just pray and fold hands waiting for miracle to happen, even IVF and surrogate still needs prayers so imagine when you are only praying with out action. Women do not learn.
DeleteEven if he is the one with the problem still drag him for a surrogate or IVF because he will fully accept a child any pregnant lady says it's his just to cover shame.... in fact his family will support him to accept the child too with out paternity test and the lady will still be at the loosing end. Be wise if no money please save by all means for a procedure.
Candy it is because she threaten to open his nyash if not he is not even ready to tell her self..
Delete"I am not in love with this woman carrying my child and i am also not in love anymore with my wife but i love her a lot and she feels like family...." I don't understand this statement
ReplyDeleteYou can never understand it cos na senseless talk. Mtchewww!
DeleteWhat poster is telling us is that he loves nobody but himself, and that’s no surprise with these Very selfish actions he’s been taking behind his wife’s back.
DeleteSELFISH COLD AND MEAN "MAN"
DeleteIF YOUR WIFE HAD DONE THIS WOULD YOU BE PART OF "THE JOURNEY" TOO?
Thatz the statement of a very selfish selfish man. He has no loyalty to anyone but himself.
DeleteWomen learn!! Men have mad audacity. Grow some too
Please tell her as soon as possible before rumors start spreading.
ReplyDeleteShe will appreciate it, if you tell her by your self, please be sober and remorseful when you are discussing with her.
You said it is not a mistake, please don't brag about it to her,she will be hurt.
Hold her hands, pray for her and reassure her of your love for her,it won't be easy but
I hope she will understand.
I pray that God will visit your wife soon in Jesus name 🙏
Oh God! Reassure her of which love?? The one he doesn't feel anymore for her? Oh my God!🤦
DeleteHe stated he is no longer in love with his wife.
DeleteThe man is just so selfish.
It could have been manageable if it's just to tell her that he has a child out of wedlock but my main anoyance is him wanting to marry her . Many people have child outside and never brings the baby mama into the family. Take care of your child, you have a wife already why marry your baby mama because she threatens abortion. Laddies are out there who can give you a child even if she takes this one out.
DeletePray for her? Wit his filthy hands and mouth. He should not dare it, if not the prayers will turn to curses and land on his own head.
DeleteBTW, I think I know this male bv. Oga, I see your handiwork, your comment is even missing here too. Quite unlike you.
...And after you have carried out a DNA test and you are certain the child is yours then please, tell your wife. She has a right to know.
ReplyDeleteIt is sheer wickedness and a bigger betrayal than the adultery you already committed to keep her in the dark while fooling herself thinking you are waiting on God with her not knowing you have already sorted yourself out.
Saying she might leave if you tell her is also a different kind of wickedness and selfishness.
You have broken her heart and now you want to snatch her will from her? She has the right to decide what she wants after she finds out what you have done. Depending on how you set the matter before her, she might choose to stay or leave and if she leaves it is fine too, After all, you already said you don't love her anymore so why try to cage her? Because she is like family and you are used to her?
Listen! Poster, at this point, it is not about you anymore.
After chasing your desire for a child and stepping out on your vows the little you can do for her is to let her know so she can decide the next step of action that will be beneficial for her as well. Whether to stay with you and keep hoping or decide to divorce and try with another man like you did. The ball is in her court.
Who knows if she decides to leave maybe, just maybe she would have her child too but not with you.
I read it somewhere and I think a scientific reason was proposed for it that sometimes two people can't have kids with each other but may be able to have it with another.
Good Luck and Congratulations!
😭😭😭😥😥😥
ReplyDeleteThe side chick is even threatening you that if you don't marry her legally she will abort the pregnancy. Let her abort. Didn't she know that you are married before she agreed to have a baby for you. What's the difference between her and other side chicks. Is it because she knows that your wife is not able to conceive? There are many girls out there who will be willing to have a baby for you even without formal marriage. You should have informed your wife before making the decision of going to get someone pregnant. This is really going to be heartbreaking to your wife. It is not easy having a co-wife. Especially when the new wife starts doing pepper them with the child or children she bore for you , plus disrespect for the first wife, and even trying to forcefully claim a property that she was not there when it was bought. The first wife may have supported in many ways to build the home, joined with you to buy some properties and this new one that has no idea of how those properties were gotten with come and start using them carelessly because she didn't know how the other wife suffered to get them. Things like this may trigger the first wife to express herself angrily or even frustrate her. You have really wronged you wife poster. Why go get someone pregnant without informing her so she will prepare her mind that anything can happen in future. Now she will be in shock that you already have a baby.
DeleteChai, the woman I know in my place is very lucky. I don't know how she and her husband discussed with the lady that bore a child for her husband. She handed the child to them after giving birth, I think after the breastfeeding stage, she handed the child to them and never came back. The child should be 14yrs old by now.
You have already done it behind her back by getting the lady pregnant
ReplyDeleteI don't know what advice to give. Inform your wife but you failed to tell us if she has medical condition that prevented her from getting pregnant.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it is important you inform her please. She should not be kept in the dark nor get the information from outside.
Poster, you are wicked! Why didn't you discuss your plan with your wife before impregnating another woman? So she can decide what to do. See how easy it is for you to say you are not in love with any of these two women. Do you even have any atom of love in you?
ReplyDeletePlease sear her down and tell her. It's better late than never.
I pray God gives your wife the strength to carry on after she hears this news. If she decides to leave your house, I pray she finds a good man immediately and falls pregnant immediately also.
Wicked man
ReplyDeleteHowever get a dna test done
You dey whine us? Pray harder make the pikin be actually your own, if not na you go be the biggest loser for this triangle.
ReplyDeleteThis is gross!
ReplyDeleteTell her straight up jare
Chaii Poster Nawaoooo you’ve really hurt your wife. The fact that this whole process began behind her back will hurt no matter how you do it! So do it how you know best according to your household. Pele to all involved
ReplyDeleteTTC Women. God is ur strength. That's all I can say because this chronicle weak me ☹️
ReplyDeleteThank you, it's not easy at all.
DeletePlease do DNA to be sure the child is yours before you tell her so that the other woman won't use your desperation to plant another man child on you
ReplyDeleteYou slept with the woman without protection, what if you had contacted HIV and give to your innocent wife? By the way how are you sure the problem is not from you and the unborn baby is biologically yours?
ReplyDeleteThe desperation in your tone, tells me that you're the perfect candidate for a "mother's baby, daddy's maybe" type of situation.
ReplyDeleteWho told you that you're the biological father of the second woman's baby??
A conniving woman will have someone else impregnate her, and pin it on you. Especially, if you're a man of financial means.
Something tells me that the shock from the DNA test, will have you meeting your maker earlier than you anticipated!
Poster if your wife breaks such news to you that she is pregnant for another man cos you could not get her pregnant, i ask you how will you feel? You are just saying it like is normal or has no offense. You have been sleeping with another lady while your wife has been faithful to you.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me when i say this news will break how more than the 10 years she has been in the waiting room. Some testimonies are 13,14,20,25 years and still no such sad stories. I hope this lady does not want to trap you down cos she knows you want a child by all means.
I don’t think it is wrong to divorce an infertile spouse if having a child of your own is one of the major reasons for the marriage, especially if a doctor says in it highly unlikely. Every good person deserves to experience making a child, created with their own dna if that is what they desire.
DeleteIdeally, he should have shared his fears with his wife and discussed using a surrogate before undertaking impregnating someone else. Unfortunately, there is no option to turn back the clock now and do things over. The only good thing he can do is tell his wife and give her a chance to leave the marriage if she so desire. Because unless the wife is missing something key she could get pregnant with someone else, and just like he tried elsewhere, she should too.
I also believe that no one is infertile. It could be that both sperm and womb aren’t a match. If the wife walks out of the marriage, she can easily take in with another man’s sperm. I have heard of women who left their marriages after their husbands chased them out due to barrenness and gotten pregnant in their next relationships.
DeleteIn this case, it will be a win win- He will have his baby, while she can become pregnant in her next relationship and have her own baby to call her own. Her hurt will only be temporary! I always see the bright side of life (in the future).
Oga you said you are no longer in love with your wife but you love her a lot. Abeg pick a side.
ReplyDeleteHow are you even sure that the baby is yours sef.
Please you've hurt this woman already so don't add pepper by keeping this away from her,that is if you are sure the baby is yours.
I know a man whose side chick told she was carrying his baby and the man quickly married her cause he was desperate for a child just like you are now. The wife left them and moved on. Laslas the baby wasn't his.
You see men, he doesn't even love any of these women. When I say humans are just selfish and self centred. So you don't love the old wife nor your incoming wife and you want them to love you. Continue I pray the new wife doesn't just come with another man's child but truck load of trouble for you. I hope that woman will love herself that much to dump you and your nonsense as soon as your so-called new wife walk through that door. I love my sanity and mental health so much that I can't allow any man born of a woman to stress me. I would be so gone before you even blink. Goo forbid callous beings.
ReplyDeleteNot humans
DeleteMost men ARE SELFISH AND MEAN USERS!
I think a lot of Africans marry for the wrong reasons that's why the absence of children breaks union easily in Africa and this has made me doubt so many proclaimed love are actually true or people are just getting together to continue their lineage.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying having a child is wrong but marriage is first for companionship before procreation, they read this in church but I doubt if couples in this part of the world even listen to that part very well.
You see why single parent of all sort will continue to boom; people are owning up to not wanting to fake love just to have kids, ladies are going the surrogate and sperm donor way, guys are getting baby mamas to help have a mini-me.
Oyinbo still have some level of sincerity about love than us
Felicity
This is it
DeleteMarriage wasn’t even made for children only
The number one reason for marriage is companionship, but their selfish reason will never allow them do for better for worse.
This is why I believe i support women that choose themselves, you can never trust a man, if you know him since he was in his mothers womb.
Push up (original)
Felicity you are right but you know we have been programmed to have kids whether you want / need them or not. It is very difficult to see people who can rise above the programming.
DeleteReason why I don't really blame women who stepped out and got pregnant after waiting for years. Not an easy shoe to wear. It takes love and maximum respect not to step out if you ain't boxed up for advanced methods.
ReplyDeleteAbeg, none is better between child fraud or betrayal of a gtc wife.
DeleteFor sure that woman will be heartbroken to hear the news, don't still waste time in telling her too....... Find a way to break the news , you have to be so remorseful to break that news else she won't be able to handle the trauma.
ReplyDeleteIt will be poetic justice if that new woman's baby turns out to not be yours. Nothing in this life is by force. You are a selfish man who wants to eat his cake and have it too. No one is against your desire for a child, but why did you not carry your legally wed wife along in your plans?
ReplyDeleteNature will take care of all of you accordingly.
It’s too late not to upset her
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you did it without telling her, is already hurtful
You can’t fix that part. Everyone knows and she’s last to know. It will hurt
How old is your wife. Speak with her just as you did here
Don’t lie and say you’re in love with her. Tell her she can get a divorce if she wants or she can also try and get her own pregnancy from outside
Sometimes two people won’t make a baby together no matter how hard they try
He wants her to be a part of the journey now. Poster, why didn't you involve your wife in the journey of your adultery and impregnating of your side vulture? Let me not say what's on my mind. Wicked man! Tueh!
ReplyDeleteTell your wife. The betrayal is worse enough. But I am scared for your life because this is the kind of news that make a wife stab her husband to death at night. After disclosing this news to her just run for your sanity because you have betrayed her. Taking a new wife us not the solution. How sure are you that the baby is yours?
ReplyDeleteThis might even make her to commit suicide especially if she has sacrificed alot in the marriage. When she thinks of all she contributed in the home plus the time wasted. It's more than enough to commit suicide. 10yrs in marriage ttcing is not child's play. This man is inconsiderate. She should have been informed before the did.
DeleteWhy didn't you just opt for adoption?
ReplyDeleteGood luck breaking this news to her.
How sure are you that she's truly pregnant???
ReplyDeleteTypical SDK ladies. They don dey curse you. Evil man. Wicked man. lol. But that's why we love them!
ReplyDeleteNow to my point...
When you started with this lady and told her from the onset what you want, did you tell her that marriage was on the cards? Which one is she don't want a child outside wedlock? But she dey do outside wedlock. Not even with a single guy o. A married man and now she suddenly has values and morals. Did you promise her marriage if she gets pregnant?
If you did, then yes you owe her that. But if you didn't, my brother, don't marry her o. This is a sign that she will continue to manipulate you and play you and shift the goal post. See her threatening you with an abortion. Lol. Next she will tell you that I want you to kick your wife out. If your first wife leaves and let's say you still support her, she may say she wants you to stop the support. Her list of demands may not end and you will end up being frustrated. You can count on this.
Let me use your words...
"Marrying the other lady will just be bride price..." so what else is remaining in an African marriage? It's not until you use limo and have bridal train plus Aso ebi that's marriage. No sir, all that's needed is the bride price to confer legitimacy on the union and promote her from baby mama to equal rank with your wife. In fact she may be higher than your wife because she now has a child. After marriage just know her family too will come into the picture.
I know it's not easy giving all details when sending a chronicle but you didn't tell us if your wife's issue is without a medical solution. Trying 10years is long but many have had children after more than 10 years wait. I also assume you tried surrogacy because some men prefer the natural way. First it's cheaper and its sweeter....but sometimes wetin sweet sef dey kill.
Come clean with your wife that this is what you want to do. She may ask for sometime to think about it. Just make sure that this quest doesn't make a new woman come in through the back door. And baby too has to come in through front door and be checked for DNA because your situation is a perfect recipe for paternity fraud.
I just feel sad that you say you have fallen out of love with your wife. Is it possible you love her again? Do you guys have fundamental issues or it's just this childlessness that's the main thing. Because many emotions can come from it and you think you don't love her again, just that the child issue has made everything sour.
I sense from your write up that you still love your wife even though you are not "in love" with her. Oga, that's enough to say you still love her. And your comments of you want her to still be part of the process..., you don't want to hurt her...., God may use this to answer OUR prayer, all means that you still think of her as your team. Let me just warn sir...God doesn't use second wife to answer prayer of couple seeking fruit of the womb o. Na complications be that. It's something like adoption, training a child of a pauper or train a mad persons child etc that God uses to open womb. God never uses this type. Maybe e dey but I never see. On the contrary, it's a bomb that will finish whatever that's left of your marriage kpata-kpata.
I sense you are confused. Relax. Your family just wants to save your shame which I understand but they won't be there when you are in the real battle. Let her go. At least you know say you aren't shooting blanks. There's seed inside you. You can now go and do things properly. The woman pregnant sef no be small pikin. She won't abort even if you call her bluff. Just don't marry her pls. Having a child outside happens like this. Tell your wife. She will vex for a while but she won't kill you. Just no go dey climb the woman again because you are asking for trouble. Where you will complicate it is when you wife that woman. No try am.
°C
Gbamest! Poster, here's your best comment.
Delete°C you have said it all. Poster this is a wise counsel. She is using abortion to threaten you. She won't do anything. Don't marry her and you will see that she won't still abort the pregnancy. For her to get pregnant for a married man that means her eyes don tear tey tey.
DeleteThis is the most logical reply I've read here. Poster read this, read it very well then read it properly
DeleteHis wife must be financially independent or even the one carrying the home. That's why he wants her to remain. If she is a liability, he would have moved out or kicked her out without hesitation.
DeleteWhat kind of chronicle is this?
ReplyDeleteYou don't love the woman carrying your baby??? Tell that to the wind. Trash talk. You love her very much, you just want us to soft pedal on the insults.
Women should learn to choose themselves. Some men will deliberately waste their time while TTC until the woman's clock runs out, only for them to impregnate another woman.
You see this Poster and the one that wants to divorce the wife after seven months marriage
Both of you are extremely wicked. May you reap what you sowed.
I pray she leaves you and meet the love of her life and give birth.
I pray that child is not yours and the true owner comes for the child.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Kindly inform your wife of your actions: impregnating your side-chick and wanting to marry her before she hears from other sources. Do her this simple courtesy, since you couldn't keep your vows, you have caused her a lot of pain and you are about to add more to it with this news. While you are at it, let her know that you are no longer in love with her as well. It is important that your wife knows all of these for her to decide on what to do. Don’t hide anything from her at this point, don’t make fake/empty promises or sweet-talk her. Let her know all, she has the right to adequate information that will allow her to decide on what to do. I hope she finds peace, joy, and goodness however she chooses to move forward, and I send her wellness and strength. May she have a happy home and a good family.
DeleteSave yourself the story of you waited 10 years, you want a child before God take you and the other excuses your provided. Those are not substantial enough to do what you have done and are about to do, and you had options: tell her from the onset and carry her along in the plan if she wishes, opt for IVF, Surrogacy etc. No flimsy excuses, mbok.
I am saying this as a woman who has been a side chick to a married man and aborted twice for him. Although my affair was kept far from his wife and family and we both had the advantage of being in other continents and I live abroad. I am sure she must have felt something and got hurt by our actions. You know what, I carried the burden and suffered the pain incurred by my action. I had to leave a marriage with a good man because I couldn’t manage my marriage and the affair. I was too weak to let go of the affair, I got married hoping it will end, but I continued, regardless of my excuses, my now ex-husband is too good to be involved in my mess. So, I had to let him go because he deserves better (love, a family, a wife who adores and keep her vows, etc.). I now live with the consequences of my actions. Just has you will leave with yours if you have done your wife good or bad.
So that seven months divorce chronicles poster should kill himself ABI..
DeleteWhen his wife has refused to listen to him and take corrections. Do you know how annoying and frustrating that is?
Change- NO!
Go- NO!
God forbid bad thing
For better but not for worse.
ReplyDelete"I am scared of not having a child before God calls me...." you are worried about the wrong things, the fear of not having a child is bondage. Because at death, when you stand before your maker, having a child or not will not matter. What will matter is if you knew the Lord and if he knew you as well. Let your good deeds shine before men and give glory to God thy father, that is what will outlive you. The best would have been to take your fears to God and he will either grant you and your wife a child, or give you so much comfort and fulfillment that you won't feel lack for not having a child. Only him can do that, only him can make our joy full... good luck
ReplyDeleteChai😥
ReplyDeleteThis life is for us to LIVE it and LEAVE it. Let only God's plan and will for your life be.
ReplyDeleteNobody gets buried with escorts, no matter how many children they have.
First of all, on leaving names/legacy in terms of offsprings, on the one hand, I've seen people with several kids who were never remembered after death.
On the other hand, I've seen people who had no kids when they left this world, but are still remembered.
Who even have time for remembrance with the way life is going?
What about people who died young before they even think of family?
The problem with us is that we think more of the world to come, rather than the world we are in.
Have you thought of how complicated your life will be, going on if you wife the 2nd woman, even though you now have a kid?
What do you most desire, peace and stability, or a kid at all cost?
You may not even have the slightest conscience or morality to consider seeing things from this angle.
I hope you don't mess up your life and that of your family.
She deserves to know! I could not imagine an entire family looking at me day in day out and keeping such a secret. Nobody deserves that. You have not said that she has not been a good wife to you, so let her know so that she can decide if she will stay and play second mother or move one.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if family truly accepts a spouse into their family upon marriage or they are forever seen as an outsider. I honestly cannot believe that even women are agreeing to you keeping the pregnancy a secret. Let your wife know about the pregnancy immediately and your intentions to marry the mother. She deserves to have a choice. In everything we do let us do it in an upstanding manner.
Mr Poster, you want a child, but not build a relationship. You sound like a man who would die lonely. You want a child, not for love sake, but for legacy....you'll most probably reap regrets...
ReplyDeleteThis one no easy ooh...
ReplyDeleteHow you won take start sef...
Just ensure there are no sharp objects around when divulging your wicked deeds inugo?
All I can say is, be careful of that lady already threatening you with abortion because she knows how desperate you are about having a child. That's danger looming
ReplyDeleteThe height of this wickedness will be your wife hearing this from someone else. (Because it will surely leak someday).
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of the 10 years she has wasted with you, pls tell her.
So she can decide what to do with her life afterwards
What manner of man is this?
ReplyDeleteOn behalf of other married men here, we reject you. Carry your load as it gets heavier.
I pray the pregnant lady shows you shege banza, this one that is already threatening you.and by the time you go to beg your wife for forgiveness, it would be too late for you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, sad chronicles. God pls come through for all women in this situation (my big sis inclusive). Wipe their tears and do not let another take their place.
ReplyDeleteEniyan ti se bi eniyan, Oluwa wa sebi oba).