UNCARING HUSBAND
I am the sole provider in our home. I studied a professional course but do not work with it because I have been getting private jobs in my profession and the pay is not really worth it. I work remotely so am at home all day, my remote job pays me well..
My anger is that my husband is not providing in the house. His excuse is that I earn more than him. This is true but sometimes when he gets huge amount of money, I have to practically beg to carry out some responsibilities.
On some days I ll feel like not buying anything for the house but my kids nko. My husband knows I can't stop providing because of my children and that's why he is behaving like this.
He will be watching DSTV and it will expire in his presence, he ll just get up and leave knowing I will suscribe because of the kids.¹ This and many other things oo
The worst is that he doesn't appreciate my efforts and even gets angry when I buy expensive items for my self. He ll be like where are you wearing that expensive bag/ shoe to.
I am thinking of quitting my remote job and look for work that I ll be going everyday even though the pay won't be that much. At least let my respect come back a little
Advice needed
I am the sole provider in our home. I studied a professional course but do not work with it because I have been getting private jobs in my profession and the pay is not really worth it. I work remotely so am at home all day, my remote job pays me well..
My anger is that my husband is not providing in the house. His excuse is that I earn more than him. This is true but sometimes when he gets huge amount of money, I have to practically beg to carry out some responsibilities.
On some days I ll feel like not buying anything for the house but my kids nko. My husband knows I can't stop providing because of my children and that's why he is behaving like this.
He will be watching DSTV and it will expire in his presence, he ll just get up and leave knowing I will suscribe because of the kids.¹ This and many other things oo
The worst is that he doesn't appreciate my efforts and even gets angry when I buy expensive items for my self. He ll be like where are you wearing that expensive bag/ shoe to.
I am thinking of quitting my remote job and look for work that I ll be going everyday even though the pay won't be that much. At least let my respect come back a little
Advice needed
Your husband works but does not provide for the family because he says that your job is better paying than his? He does not even as much as pays for TV subscription but he watches and walks away when the subscription ends? This is so crazy meeeeeen...Please do not quit your job at all. Please tell him that they reduced your salary and tell him an amount that his salary is higher than, reduce all what you do at home that concerns him.....stop cooking with proteins and use only eggs for a while...stop all luxuries or necessities that concern him and tell him you dont have much to spend anymore... Tell him to start bringing at least half of his money or you may have to start selling off some household electricals or furniture..
Stop buying expensive things for yourself and tell him that you dont have...
Woman work- no regard.
ReplyDeleteWoman no work- no regard.
In this life, be very wise.
✅✅✅
DeleteYou forgot to preface with "some"?
DeleteIncomplete chronicle.
DeleteDoes your husband work
Who pays rent
Who pays school fees and related fees for the children
Who pays other utility bills apart from cable TV renewal.
Does the man help about the home to create time for Poster's maximal use of her time for work and resting.
Is the man homely and caring for the children
Is Poster acting on the society's "man is the provider" duty imposed on husbands
Questions.
What then does your husband use his money for? Does he just save them in his bank account? If no, then know ye that he spends his money on side chicks. After all, his wife is an independent woman. You caused it by making him believe that you are too independent. Strong woman. You people should stop enabling things like this. All of you that won't allow your man to pay common transport fare when you visit. He gives you the money and you'll say; "oh , don't bother, I can take care of that" that is how it starts. And with time he gets used to not supporting you in little things, then it proceeds to not supporting you even when you really need support.
DeleteAllow your man to support you if he makes the offer. It's also good if you equally feel like supporting him in return but never you turn down a helping hand from your man no matter how little. E no dey end well.
Where una dey see this kind men. Please don't quit your job oh. Instead subscribe with Netflix and download movies for your kids. That would be cheaper for you.
DeleteThis is what I say all the time
DeleteIf you like work like jakki
A useless man is a useless man
Even women these days are help mates, yet this one doesn’t do anything, I am sure she’s also expected to cook and clean being that she’s at home.
Sometime some women get married to men that make them (the women) wish success away.
Dear poster, do not resign or dim your light for anyone, he doesn’t love you, cus love is an action word… if he doesn’t love you, why are you carrying his bills on your head ?
Pay cheaper subscription that covers your kiddies cartoons, engage them in home lessons or other extra curricular activities here by occupying their time.
Cook like Stella has advised
Slowly reduce your benevolence when he asks tell him your salary was slashed.
How can a man question you about buying things for yourself, no be juju be that? It’s giving “enemy of progress”
Push up (original)
Anon 20:12 I respectfully disagree. An irresponsible person is just that, irresponsible. It has nothing to do with taking money or not taking money from him while dating. I dated mine for two years and only went on sharwama & milkshake dates! It doesn’t stop him from buying anything he can afford including luxury cars and paying bills, he was raised right. Children watch more than they hear!
DeletePoster, like someone wrote, does he pay rent, school fees and other big ticket items? It’s good to hear from both sides in this type of case except the part where he complains about what you wear when he did t but it. If he pays N3m for example, between rent, school fees and car maintenance, cable bill and feeding may be his way of wanting you to be his helper.
If he doesn’t take care of the major or any bills and you do it all, follow Stella’s advice & declare half of your income to force him to bear his responsibilities. It’s bizarre that a man just won’t pay any bill and “allows” a woman to be “the man”, it breeds resentment and disrespect as women aren’t wired to be permanent breadwinners. Unless he is looking for a job or there is a temporary downturn in his business. We can be “helpmeet” as the Bible says but Genesis 3 says men will “work hard and sweat to eat” while the only punishment after the fall on Eve was labor pain & desiring to please her husband! A man who waits for a woman to feed, pay bills, cook etc needs therapy or Counselling unless he is trying his best to get a job and it’s not working out yet. Do not quit your good job please! Declare less income unless you have a joint account, I hope not with this kind of man! After declaring less, cut back luxury pertaining to him then ask for monthly grocery money. Report him to an authority figure he respects (not a “hungry” one though in case he mentions naira figures) as a last resort. Then pray for God to deliver you from slavery. It is slavery for a woman to do everything from breadwinner to bread baker to bread server to bread pan cleaner! May God help you in Jesus name✌🏾
This is absolutely crazy and wickedness.But how do pple tell their partners their salary in and out?Babe wake up and start saving for rainy days.This guy might have a side chic or baby mama somewhere .
ReplyDeleteHusbands and wives should not tell each other their salaries?
DeleteAnyway, whether either tells or not, it doesn't take long for each to guesstimate the income of the other and to bench demands/expectations.
Haaa which kin thing be this one! So because of irresponsibility this woman cannot even enjoy her money by spoiling herself sometimes. Madam don't quit that remote job, make you pin there! When people are thinking of doubling their income, you wanna reduce yours say wetin happen. Focus on your kids and yourself. I dunno where you guys meet all these men that hate accountability and responsibility. Gosh! God abeg oh.
ReplyDeleteCut down all your expensive expenses...Your husband sounds like an envious person. You can't buy loyalty when you do everything for a man same as when you do everything for a woman.
All the best
Walahi, I don’t know and can never know, our children will also never know such men.
DeleteDear ladies, let men take responsibility Abeg, you people do too much, let a man be responsible
Madam you enabled him and now he's gotten used to it. Independent woman no mean say make you no dey collect money. You guys started it that way, I'm sure from dating sef now you can't even change.
ReplyDeleteMoving forward, follow Stella advice.
Not necessarily. Some men know how to pretend during the dating stage. My ex started manifesting one year into the marriage.
DeleteYou see? I didn't even see your comment before I typed mine.
DeleteMadam.... We're in the same shoe. I have stopped buying things in large quantity. You will not grow in you continue this way. You better open your closed eyes. Marriage is not important than the salvation of your soul.
ReplyDeleteYou have to bring same energy which your spouse brings. If you know that he doesn't want you to be rich, reduce your salary by half.
DeleteBe wise and save your money.
Just tell him that you lost some gigs online so your earning power has dropped.
Even egg is expensive. Go vegan
ReplyDeleteNa vegan expensive pass sef.
DeleteGive the kids one egg each day to cover up for the protein then the husband should go and look for where to see proteinous food. Sometimes,for weggies, I suggest you steam ordinary vegetables , add crayfish and give to the kids. Then cook your normal rice for the whole family everyday. Keep reducing the quality of food little by little until it dawn's on him that things are not ok. Wifey can eat her normal diet before the husband comes back from work and before the kids comes back from school. When they come they should meet empty dry pot. Or she can even resort to buying her own food from outside.
DeleteRemember that the above suggestions from me can only be sensible only if you have been able to convince (lie) your husband that you nolonger earn as much as before.
One head of water leaf 200. Small avocado 400. Ugu 100,will not even show in ur soup. So how is vegan cheap?
DeleteDo not quit! His motivation for not participating financially may be sinister. It’s as though he wants to punish you for earning well. See you out here thinking of quitting out of frustration. The children will grow up one day, remember that. Go to a lawyer and secure those children’s future should anything happen to you. I do not trust that your husband would see them through in life. Continue to purchase your personal things that make you happy, and don’t stop. But also think of assets, land, rental properties and such if you are able to afford them. Think of money growing ventures that can help to pay for the university education for the children in the future, and provide an income for you in your older years.
ReplyDeleteHe’s just lazy
DeleteBaby boys getting married
Watch the movie baby boy that’s what he is
It's not punishment jare. It's childish ego and stark raving jealousy.
DeleteNigerian men can't cope when their women are doing better than them.
It bites their soul.
They would rather frustrate her till she becomes a church rat and dependant on him so he can lord it over her, smelling useless things.
If he is not contributing in anyway to the household, cant go to the market, cant take care of the household, cant wash and clean, then what exactly hs he doing? Just bringing shrivelled penis out to fcuk?
Su.e.gbe.
You had better be WISE and save 70% of your salary, the way he is saving his own money.
SAVE YOUR MONEY WOMAN.
If your children don't watch dstv, will they die?
Buy the minimum, let 'head of ouse' who is behaving like the buttocks of the house sort himself.
Agadi the wastrel occupying space and time.
16:37
DeleteThere are women like as you described too. If a husband married to one make this kind of post make a post of post, will you be so free keon yourypad or keyboard?
She is busy subscribing DStv when she can easily give the kids a phone tap to watch whatever they want. Or even download interesting things for them to be watching offline. When he complains of spending money on data on the kids phone, you tell him you downloaded from those guys that downloads music and video with just #200
DeleteYou're the one condoning all these, I have no advice for you. Inukwa questioning what you buy with your own money when his mates are buying for their wives.
ReplyDeleteContinue condoning.
So many men out their are on this table, even those that earns more than their wives still expects their wives to spend their little earnings in the house. 70% of average Nigeria men does this very well except for those that are very rich that wouldn't mind taking 100% responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteMadam stop cooking delicious food for him, at times quickly prepare and eat your food with your kids before he returns. Follow Stella advice on the use of other proteins and the rest. He may be using that money to do father Christmas outside. Stop the TV subscription for now, download Cartoons in a flash drive and slot it to your TV port or let them use laptop to watch their cartoons. If he complaints about the food tell him it's what you have you bring to the table if he is not satisfied he should go and buy with his own money.
Whenever he is at home cook twice in a day and give your kids snacks as lunch. Reduce the quantity of food you do cook daily. Start managing like you don't have. Don't spend all your money on food, start saving too. Men are unpredictable. I hate nonsense.
Which one is 70% of average Nigerian men.
DeleteWhat is the percentage of women that are doing better than their husbands?
What is the percentage of unselfish productive women in Nigeria?
I earn about 1.4m monthly, my wife earns 4m. She used to earn about 300k but I helped her Up it to what she earns currently.
But I take 100% responsibility and genuinely not care about what she earns or brings to the table; It's natural for me and most men I know. We don't even think about it.
I am not supporting the poster's husband because there are many irresponsible guys out there but I won't be surprised that it's the food and DSTV that's bitting her.
She will forget Rent, Transportation, Power, Fees, Investment sacrifices, family outings/vacation etc.
That's how my mum cried to everyone that cared to listen that she was solely taking care of the family and my dad wasn't supporting but we all later found out that he gave her every dime she spent in bulk so she could channel the funds efficiently. She was busy spoiling his name and getting sympathy from everyone. They both live under the same roof and share the same room, she can't even do without him but he has maturedly endured and disregarded all those negativities without ever calling her out or explaining himself to anyone.
I thought Dante was too harsh but I have seen the way a lot of women in this blog Reason, including the Landlady of this blog and just SMH.
🤣@16:19
DeleteThe typical Nigerian wife and mother doesn't say much good about her husband until he rests especially if he does son when the children are about to go to University 3 at the same time and had lived a life of comfort before then. That's the time the woman appreciates the value of the man and read his eulogy in bitter tears not for him but for the pending burden.
Na when most Nigerian men marry dem eyes dey open. That's when they get a better understanding of what was going on with their fathers. Unfortunately for some, the man would have rested by then or the relationship would be too damaged to be repaired.
Your mum didn't try if she actually got support from her husband and still ended up treating him badly. But still, the husbands to a lot of good and supportive independent women don't get genuine appreciation from their man. Instead they'll use the money they could have used on their wives to chase after other women.
DeleteTruly, many good people end up with bad partners.
Anon 16:19, let your wife start helping out nau, how an she be earning that much more and hoarding all of it especially in this current economy, inflation and what not.
DeleteHave that talk with her if she doesn't know its the right thing ti do, make your neck no break from carrying so much load.
Men who don't spend on their homes are definitely spending elsewhere, either drinking, womanising or gambling. Some spend on their own relatives and friends too, forgetting their immediate family. Some are spending on all these things except their families. They abandon the independent wife to do everything.
DeleteThis poster is even lucky that she earns well. Some women in these shoes are teachers and petty traders or small business owners and they are doing the heavy lifting. Some men deliberately try to pull down their wives because they are jealous of them and their success or potential. They feel automatically insecure and less in control and womanise or engage in other foolish activities in a lame attempt to puff up their limp self esteem and egos and feel big outside the home, when their side hens are rubbing their empty heads and potbellies. Friends would come to borrow money from them. They are the ones buying drinks for their cronies at beer parlours and sponsoring the education of side chicks or their side hen's kids, or gambling away their money on betting and fruitless ventures. Being duped by their foolishness and urged on by their irresponsible friends. They don't like to associate with responsible men either. Sadly they don't have meaningful relationships with their kids. They are always out, except to eat and have sex and collect the money they can collect from their wives. They don't care how the kids eat, school, or do anything. They don't do much when the kids are sick. They are outside, unless of course they are completely broke. They come back home to chill and collect from their wives all the time deeply resenting them for all the women are doing. Ndi gender defenders come to abuse me ooo. All I've said I have seen over and over again. So I always tell women with good partners to appreciate them. Some don't even know how blessed they are.
Poster don't become foolish by resigning your good remote job out of frustration. What will you do if for example your man decides to walk out on his family? Be wise not weak. Take care of yourself and children. Imagine what will happen to your kids if you are not there. God forbid. Take care poster.
Why do you have to quit your job or even reduce the things you do because that man you married has refused to act responsibly. I would first and foremost buy my kids iPads and subscribe to Netflix for them so they don’t need the tv anymore. Two I would start cooking enough for my kids and I and leave him to fend for himself. I can’t do anything about the light Bill so will keep paying the light bill. Try to make the house uncomfortable. Don’t quit your job for a regular job that will stress you please. Do not tell him how much you earn any more. You can tell him that they cut your salary or something. I
ReplyDeleteI think this starts from when you began the relationship. If you start a relationship with showing your man that you are capable of carrying the family's expenses, that's how it will continue. And you won't be able to stop it, because he's already used to it and sees it as a normal thing. Imagine him getting angry that you bought expensive things for yourself, when he as your husband is supposed to even get those things for you. It is well. Women while love is shaking you try not to start what you can't finish
ReplyDeleteIt’s not true
DeleteMy relative was earning but now refuses to work
This is so sad
ReplyDeleteWhere did all his testosterone go?
My respect goes out once again to provider men. God bless you all.
Please don’t quit your job. Just try to cut down on certain things you do for him. Don’t lie about your salary being reduced either. Just make sure the handwriting on the wall is clear enough for him to read. Provide less for the household til the lack is staring in his face. Pause on buying things for yourself.
Begin to ask him to pay for things. For example, as the subscription expired, you should have asked him to do it immediately. Keep asking. Don’t keep shut
I agree with Stella’s advice 100%. Don’t quit, just say you pay has been reduced.
ReplyDeleteVery selfish and self centered man. I can't deal.
ReplyDeleteMy only advice for you is to start saving aggressively and dont quit your remote job so you can have quality time with your kids.
Focus only on buying things especially for the kids, buy tab and download cartoons on it for your kids and let your horseband be watching sky.
I hate what I dont like. So annoying
Some men are wicked sha
ReplyDeletePoster in my opinion you don't have to quit your job neither do you have to lie about your salary. The reason he's like that is because he knows you will not leave the marriage no matter the rubbish he dishes out to you and that's what you have to change.
ReplyDelete1st of all, stop feeding him if he brings no money. Don't subscribe to DStv when it expires. When the kids ask you, direct them to him. Above all seat him down and tell him if he doesn't change, you will leave and mean it.
That man is giving his money to another woman, don't condone it. He's trying to break yourself esteem by telling you, you don't deserve to buy things for yourself and You have to put in extra efforts to make him stay married to you. Don't let him win.
The threat of leaving the marriage may not get to him because with the look of things, he is already interested in a girl somwhere. And even if she leaves she is still capable of seeing to the kids needs all alone where ever she goes to.
DeleteI advise you to reduce your spending in the home to the bare minimum. Cook cheaper food...no orisirisi. If he doesn't top up dstv, let the kids watch cartoon on YouTube. Let everyone be managing. Reduce buying expensive things and invest your money without them!. Buy land and build houses!
ReplyDeletemy gender will never learn that you should stop sharing the total salary you collect with your partner. I know is good not to keep a secret but when your partner does not have a head just lock up and keep your total amount to yourself. If your salary is 100k just get someone to generate your payslip to show a total of 40k maximum. If your husband is a terrible person just show 30k maxi.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you share house spending together with your husband even if you earn higher than him cos e get why. Never allow love to carry you away to the extent that you will give him freedom to your account balance cos e get why. We read how a husband planned and arranged for a fake prophet to collect plenty of millions from his wife, till date that woman will never remain the same.
Have two accounts, one for your personal savings and the second account you use on a regular basis. Make sure your husband does not know anything about your savings account cos men are teaching women so many lessons later. Do not pick a fight with your husband at all, pretend all is going fine till next month you come home moody or crying and telling him how your salary has been slashed. Make saw you type a letter showing is real, When you collect your salary for next month bring 10k or 15k out of the 30k and ask him to bring his part.
if you have a fight with him before this format oga will understand and things will go south in your marriage.
Terrible advice. You have advised this person to lie and engage in forgery, no wonder almost every Nigerians is regarded as a fraudster. Poster please don't listen to this advice; this person is badly raised. Poster it is the duty of your husband to provide while you support as much as you can. Don't know how your husband feels comfortable while you provide almost everything for the family as you stated. Only support and never play the Mans role.
DeletePoster 8n the name of God please don't quite your job. You wouldn't spite your husband by so doing rather you'll not forgive yourself. God has blessed you with the finances, don't be afraid to use it. However, stop overstretching yourself. If Dstv expire, get kids tab so they can watch YouTube kids or better still Netflix and leave the Dstv unpaid.
ReplyDeleteIf he asks you how much your outfit costs, stop telling him rather tell him it's okrika or that you're just trying to support a friend's business and tell him it's not even quality.
Your problem is the way you started with the relationship. You accepted his nonchalant nature and now he has become accustomed to him. Start enforcing that he pays for household needs and if he refuses, make a fuss about it let him feel the embarrassment too. If your guests asks why you don't have Dstv tell them that your babe is yet to pay for it because funds are tight and everyone is managing.
On no account should you quite your job.
If possible sef tell him that you've gotten an onsite job. Every morning, dress well and go to a library or rented shop or somewhere far from the house and tell him you're going to the office. If he asks you the name, do your due diligence and give him a name with fabu job description.
She was forming independent woman na. Awon I'm not here for your money money nyen nyen nyen virtuous woman. That one too was using reverse psychology for her praising her for not being a good digger, telling her that she was the first woman he has ever met on earth who has not asked for money. Stingo united.
DeleteShe too was puffing chest as per 500 yards of wife material. You no know say na obembe yahoo yahoo you meet o. Lazy ass. If he's not spending on you, he's spending somewhere else.
I hope he maintains hygiene sha, you cant be suffering on all sides aunty.
Poster is not stressing on the work. What is eating her up is the fact that her husband is not the sole financier of the family. That kills a Nigerian woman more than work. That's the punishment the Nigerian society imposed on women who earn enough to finance their families.
DeleteEven if Poster's income tripples in FX in Nigeria for the same or lesser amount of work, she would still cry and pine away because she is not eating a man's money. Nigerian society has used that mindset to lock women into miserable marriages and make them miserable in otherwise good marriages with available potentials for marital bliss.
Poster here did not mention she has needed to do more than she can cope with. Just that she is not being fed by a man. Not having a birth right fulfilled
Wow! Lovely pictures ❤️❤️❤️ SDK WhatsApp group thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteThen stop with the subscription even if it will affect the children. Let them watch anything they want to watch on your phone before he comes back from work. If you don't stop, he will continue with the attitude as if its his birthright. I don't know why some men get jealous or give an attitude when their wives earn than them
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately your man is lazy or going through what oyibos Call a mid life crisis
ReplyDeleteWhy are you letting subscription end anyway. Enjoy your life and stop looking for ways to pepper him if those things affect you too
Spend money to get yourself someone to help you with your chores. Take your kids out. Treat them to nice restaurants and nice events. Put them in the best schools
As did hubby, let him eat and sleep but don’t put any extra towards his comfort. When the kids need something, tell them to go ask him. Let them keep asking and maybe Shame will catch him
Let your kids know you’re the one spending on them
It doesn’t help your husband for you to
Cover him in front of the kids when he’s not trying to help
Best comment. That's why I purposed in my heart and I am doing it very well to let my child know Daddy is the one doing this and that for you. Even biscuits and chocolate candies.
DeleteFor ages, some Fathers gave through their wives. In the end, their children told them in old age, they never did anything; that only Mum did and deserves the reward
Poster, if you must suffer yourself because of your husband, make sure you put your money in inflation beating investments
Don’t quit your remote job o.instead go and rent small office space and carry your computer there and be doing your work jeje.Don’t lose your lucrative job because of alainironu man and I’m a man.
ReplyDeleteMadam please what remote job do you do and how can I one.Anyone with a remote job link?
ReplyDeleteIts so unfair.you need to have a conversation with him.He must realize how heavy the financial burden is on you.pls do not quit your present job.
ReplyDeletePoster, pls you have worked for ur money, If u need to splurge on urself from time to time, pls do.
ReplyDeleteAs someone advised, reduce ur household expenses. If ur kids ask for those things, direct them to their father (as long as it’s not food or their school fees).
And pls, if you’ve not been saving, start saving like crazy now, e get why.
Darling, it's like reprogramming a person who has a dominant left hand to start writing in cursive with the right hand. It's not impossible but it's implausible. Some say you're better off accepting what you can't change, that's arguable though. However, I'm inclined to think it may be applicable in your case, for peace of mind and your mental health.
ReplyDeleteI'm tempted to ask how it got this bad, because I doubt you married him knowing his selfish and thrifty nature, but that ship has long sailed, hasn't it? The origin is irrelevant at this stage. Sweetheart, you will do yourself a huge disservice if you quit your high paying job and go for a lesser pay because you think it would earn you more respect in your husband's eyes. One of the reasons you haven't completely lost it to frustration is because you can afford the basic need of your family and a little extra to splurge on yourself every now and then.
If you truly know your worth and place a high value on yourself, I fail to see how a man not living up to his responsibilities can make you feel less of a woman. It's actually laughable but for the hurt you feel.
My honest advice is that you ignore his cruel attitude to spending and keep doing what makes you and the kids happy, doing otherwise will be like cutting your nose to spite your face. Most men like yours hardly get moved nor change their attitudes even in the face of threats. I know a family who was evicted because of failure to pay rent. The wife could afford it but she pretended not to. Guess what hubby dearest did? He moved his family, a wife and 3 children, to live with his older brother while he went to squat with a colleague of his. You can see people with this personality type lack that valuable emotion called SHAME.
If you keep trying to change him, it may become injurious to your psyche. Since you're already married and have no plans of quitting, make lemonade with your lemons. Who knows, maybe if you ignore him completely and act unperturbed by his actions, he may start wondering if he is about to be replaced. A lot of men become uneasy if there's a shift in their wives' baselines. Imagine a wife who always nags suddenly becoming quiet and cheerful, a lot of men will start feeling unsafe because there's something unsettling about a sudden shift in a behavioural pattern, with no explanation for the change.
Honey, I know it's frustrating but what other options are available? I pray God gives you the fortitude to keep keeping on because when it comes to money and generosity or lack thereof, men usually have fixed mindsets. Goodluck!
e-hugs and kisses.
What a shameless man! Madam, stop buying anything that concerns him in that house! Stop serving him food with proteins in it…if possible cook for only you and your kids and lock it in the freezer. He’s an irresponsible man and doesn’t deserve to eat where he didn’t sow! Stop feeding that man o… he doesn’t respect himself so stop respecting him or treating him like the man of the house.
ReplyDeleteI don't just understand how some men can be irresponsible. Poster, do what Stella said.
ReplyDeleteLord please give my daughter responsible husband 🙏
What do you mean by quiting your remote job, e be like you wan taste real SAPA.
ReplyDeletewho respect help? Buy your designers and wear them to church, jump at any opportunity to attend owambe even if you will gate crash. Dress up rich and fancy and go for a girls night out.
Since you make good money do eat out mostly for you and your kids. Or you cook and finish everything in his presence.
Don't let him have password to your Internet.
Maybe it's time to rent another home and abandon this evil husband that has chosen to become a liability
I would like to hear from your husband as well, because we are just getting one side of the story. If I understand correctly you are the sole provider right? But your main emphasis was on food and DSTV. Do you guys own a house or rent? Who pays the rent or who bought the house? Who pays utility bills? Who provides fuel for cars and other miscellaneous things? Your solution was to get a lower paying job and go out to ‘get your respect back’?? I’m sorry but it doesn’t quite add up for me. Also, who does the domestic chores?Basically if I was in your situation, assuming you are telling the truth then I would give an ultimatum to my husband: Either you start taking up your responsibility i.e contribute at least half of the bills or we downsize or worst case I move away with my kids and we start living separately.
ReplyDeleteBut Sis, I’ll still say this story does not add up.
I am the sole provider in our home.
DeleteDO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.
ReplyDeleteLook for a co-working space and rent. That way you'd be able to go out in the morning and return in the evening.
School is resuming soon so do not subscribe TV anymore.
Cut down on your expenses and put your foot down until he picks up some bills.
Open an account separate from your regular account with no ATM or sms alerts and start saving.
Finally, look after yourself especially your mental health.
He is ungrateful and selfish.
Thank you. I was wondering if I typed this sef. My thoughts exactly. Poster please hear oh.
DeleteI am really shocked at the type of advice on here. Really?
ReplyDeletePoster, don't listen to these women telling you these evil things. Your husband is wrong but most of them husband's are worse but guess what, they put up with it and even beg him. They drool over the man even though he's not doing them right. Just imagine someone telling you not to cook at home. Imagine someone saying you shouldn't do anything again except he gives you money. Another one said you should go and generate payslip for 30 to 40 percent of what you earn. Don't listen to them o. When the problem starts and this man opens his mouth to say you have stopped feeding him because you are well off compared to him, Na you family go use gossip. Both your family and his family. Even church people and anyone who hears it will not be happy with you. Don't mind them at all.
Keep doing what you have started doing. This man must be contributing somehow. His money isn't regular but does he not do something when the money comes? Is he a bad man? If you remove this small spending you want him to do that he's not doing, will you say he's a bad husband? It's because of this entitlement mentality of some Nigerian women that men always look down on you guys. You and him are a team. Is he not a team player? If his money comes does he treat you badly. Imagine someone say go and buy tablet and subscribe Netflix for the kids. If he comes home and notices that you did all of these which is obviously calculated, most men will just smile and shake their heads. You are setting a precedent that you may not like his own steps if he serves you same. Level can change overnight o.
Just save more keep a low profile. Don't use what God gave you to destroy your life and your home. Calm down. Bible says be as wise as serpent and harmless as doves. Don't listen to the voices of women here who will not try this but encourage you to scatter everything. God will bless you and you will upgrade beyond this stage, just be wise that when you start earning more to keep saving and investing. Let me give you an example...If you earn 10 now, and able to do what 10 can do. Fine . When it becomes 20, just try to save the remaining 10 and keep doing what 10 can do.
God is seeing your effort. Keep at it. Start saving and investing in real assets. I have adviced you from a place of love. Even if you don't take it, don't take these ones that you know will do more harm than good.
°C
I am really shocked at the type of advice on here. Really?
ReplyDeletePoster, don't listen to these women telling you these evil things. Your husband is wrong but most of them husband's are worse but guess what, they put up with it and even beg him. They drool over the man even though he's not doing them right. Just imagine someone telling you not to cook at home. Imagine someone saying you shouldn't do anything again except he gives you money. Another one said you should go and generate payslip for 30 to 40 percent of what you earn. Don't listen to them o. When the problem starts and this man opens his mouth to say you have stopped feeding him because you are well off compared to him, Na you family go use gossip. Both your family and his family. Even church people and anyone who hears it will not be happy with you. Don't mind them at all.
Keep doing what you have started doing. This man must be contributing somehow. His money isn't regular but does he not do something when the money comes? Is he a bad man? If you remove this small spending you want him to do that he's not doing, will you say he's a bad husband? It's because of this entitlement mentality of some Nigerian women that men always look down on you guys. You and him are a team. Is he not a team player? If his money comes does he treat you badly. Imagine someone say go and buy tablet and subscribe Netflix for the kids. If he comes home and notices that you did all of these which is obviously calculated, most men will just smile and shake their heads. You are setting a precedent that you may not like his own steps if he serves you same. Level can change overnight o.
Just save more keep a low profile. Don't use what God gave you to destroy your life and your home. Calm down. Bible says be as wise as serpent and harmless as doves. Don't listen to the voices of women here who will not try this but encourage you to scatter everything. God will bless you and you will upgrade beyond this stage, just be wise that when you start earning more to keep saving and investing. Let me give you an example...If you earn 10 now, and able to do what 10 can do. Fine . When it becomes 20, just try to save the remaining 10 and keep doing what 10 can do.
God is seeing your effort. Keep at it. Start saving and investing in real assets. I have adviced you from a place of love. Even if you don't take it, don't take these ones that you know will do more harm than good.
°C
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteDO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB.
1. You can dress up like twice a week and work from a cybercafe or the office of a friend for your sanity.
2. Dstv expires, shebi you have internet, download cartoons for your kids let them watch on the laptop or flash drive if its a smart tv. Case closed. When he is ready, he will subscribe.
3. Be smart. Start saving. Open a new account that you don't have internet or atm access to, where you will be saving monthly so you will not be liquid all the time.
4. Sit him down and have a stern heart to heart talk with him. Tell him you are his helper, not the bread winner.
5. Pray about it. Let God change his heart.
6. If you buy expensive items, don't let him know the real price of those things . Be discrete.
Cheeers dear. You are doing well.
This chronicle is highly incomplete. Do you guys have a schedule to split bills? If not, sit down and create one to eliminate this built up resentment, life is not hard. Learn to communicate with your spouse.
ReplyDelete