I am divorced from my ex husband, I have my divorce papers since last year. My present guy is serious and want marriage with me but the issue now is that he has asked me to sign a paper that I will never go back to my ex husband.
I know my ex reached out to me sometime last year and was asking for settlement. But I sent him the divorce papers and since them he has held his peace.
We are not in communication or in touch but my present guy is afraid that someday I may dump him and go to my ex.
I have told him we are done but from time to time he keeps bringing this issue up. He will be traveling in two months time and wants me to sign that i will not go back to my ex.
I don't plan going back to my ex for any reason. But is signing that necessary? I feel he should just trust me on this and allow me love him.
I don't plan going back to my ex for any reason. But is signing that necessary? I feel he should just trust me on this and allow me love him.
I have never said anything about my ex to him except the day I told him I was married and he asked what went wrong.
This man has insecurity issues and if you marry him, he will soon start accusing you of cheating...Please do not sign anything....You can date him if you want to but dont marry him oooooh....I wonder why he thinks you will go back to your ex? Maybe you should ask him.
Some men will make you trust them enough to tell them about your past but the minute you do that, they wont let you breath with what you told them.
May be you keep singing your ex praises and I won’t blame your current boyfriend. Some women do that especially if kid/kids are involved
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Nope i do not talk about my ex with him or around him.
DeleteIf it’s not a big deal sign it
DeleteYou probably give off a vibe that makes him insecure
We claim to love people yet can’t help them be at peace, signing it gives him peace, then do it if you know deep down you won’t break it.
In marriage don’t we make vows we aren’t supposed to break? I don’t see the big deal
We all expected that make poster to help his wife work through her insecurities?
Push up (original)
I'm with Stella. Poster red flag 🚩.
DeleteStella, why is she afraid to sign?
ReplyDeleteFrom her post, she was the person who sought divorce. And it appears her husband didn't defend the case or even knew the divorce had been finalized.
The man is wise and acting on the basis of "old fire sticks" logic or Okafor's law as we call it this side.
The day prenuptial agreement is legislated as legally permissible in Nigeria, marriage as we know it will end. There will be so much freedom for some men and women.
my ex walked away from the marriage in February 2018, My family and I tried to help out to fix it but he said he was done. Fast forward to 2020, my family asked him to come collect his bride price so that i could move on, He refused to show up so my dad option to send it to him via my elder brother. My elder brother tried to see him face to face to discuss but he kept on posting him. At one point, my elder brother requested for his account details which he gave him and he paid back the bride price. He acknowledged it and that was it.
DeleteIn 2021 i started the divorce process and by 2022 it came out. What else do you expect me to do? i should continue waiting for a man who was done with me or i should not get my divorce papers and move on with life. Thank God we had no children.
15:10 pls if she signs this one, how many more agreements would she sign before he believes whatever she says in the relationship?
Delete@16:29
DeleteAnswer: As many as the man asks for.
The agreement to stay with a partner in marriage or relationship is signed every morning by words or by conduct of not leaving.
The options are clear before her. To sign and continue. To refuse to sign and insist on continuing the relationship without signing. To refuse to sign and leave.
Question again, why is she refusing to sign not to go back to a man she divorced in the circumstance she described herself. Those who have been involved in divorce proceedings as parties and practitioners know what it takes.
In fact, her hesitation to sign should be a red flag for her - her guts warning her; and or a big red poster for the man - she is not into the relationship for the both of them and the man has seen it.
Did she talk about travelling? Is the man resident outside her country of residence? Does that have any importance? Questions!
Na wa oh Your case will result to the end product of Sunday Chronicle Poster. Anything you can't take now know that it will be magnified once you get married. This guy does not trust you then what are you getting married for?
ReplyDeleteTrust is the petrol or fuel needed to drive your vehicle called Love. Both are mutually inclusive; one cannot do without the other. I will advise you to use your tongue to count your teeth. Insisting that you sign that form does not sit well at all.
All the best
Insecurity at it's peak,what now happen after signing and you go back to your ex? He will take you to court or what? Abeg I can't deal,you better take a walk now because if you marry this man ehn your future chronicles will never end
ReplyDelete!
Madam Stella you are very correct, they will talk you into giving them.all your secrets and important info only for them become so insecure.
ReplyDeleteMen are the most insecure creatures on earth
😆 🤣
Poster abeg this man no go let your breath o.
To worsen it he is traveling
Do NOT sign that paper. This is definitely a warning sign of how your relationship will be with this guy. What’s the rush sef? Why not stay single, love up and care for yourself and heal from your previous marriage; heck work on reconciling with your first husband that God recognizes. Spiritually you’re bound and married to your first husband whether you like am or not. Marriage is hardddd work. When I say it’s hard work, both need to put in the work. I can’t even tell you how many times I wan run away from my own marriage but choose to stay for my kids sake as there’s no history of domestic violence, just emotional neglect from him. But I see how my kids are around him and he takes good care of them. We’re both working on our issues sha. So Madam, if you can still work it out with your ex, please do. Unless there’s domestic violence & verbal abuse, then walk away for good. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteso una still dey encourage make a person remain for wetin no make sense. You are managing your dose not mean she should die inside marriage cos she came to this world to endure man. Poster ignore this comment.
DeleteWhy would she ignore my comment anon 15:58?? You think marriage is easy even with someone else?? There will always be something lacking. If you’re getting 80% out of the marriage, then the remaining 20% can be worked on as long as domestic violence and emotional abuse is not involved! So na this new man you wan make she marry?? new man with huge red flags already. Hmmm poster, I’ll repeat, reconcile with your ex husband if possible. At the end of the day, marriage ends here on earth. Eternity matters o. Make una think am well. Wishing you all the best.
DeleteIt's not every little thing people will start threatening to divorce 15:28 is right. See how people are talking as if there was never a period that their parents had disagreement, yet they stayed and that moment family feud phased out with time. So long as the other person is already married to you and is open for reconcilation, is open minded to accept his or her mistakes and take corrections why go ahead to divorce. You don't even know if the next arm you will learn on will do worse than your ex ever did to you. You know how early stages of relationships are always very interesting and romantic right?
DeleteThere are singles here advising on marriages. Every reader has to read with discernment. That is how a lady returned to say she was advised not to help any man. So she refused to help the man she planned to marry get a job
DeleteMaybe you said or did something to make him have some doubts. Truth is, if you are so sure why not sign the declaration? If signing it gives him peace of mind and you love him as you claim, and is ready to start your lives together, then what is stopping you from giving him that reassurance?
ReplyDeleteAnd you think this is the only thing she will sign if she continues with this relationship or it leads to marriage? Poster dont start what you cant finish. I take God beg you.
DeleteStella has saved me from typing, she nailed it 💯
ReplyDeleteTo me, i feel this guy may love you so much that he is afraid to lose you to your ex. What you should do is sit him down in a nice and calm place so that you both can discuss this and get to know the reason he wants you to sign that you will not get back with your ex. Hope he will also sign that he will not get back with his ex cos i know you are not the first person he is dating.
ReplyDeleteI do not see any insecurity here cos some people do ask questions like hope your ex comes back you will not go back and dump them. To me is a normal question that you need to assure him of your commitment and reassure him of your love for him. If the guy was checking your phone to see if you and your ex are in communication then i can say he is insured but he is only trying to be sure especially with what is happening on a daily basis with relationships.
Make sure you do not discuss your ex around him, hope you do not compare him and your ex. Make sure you take your ex's discussion far from you so that you can win his trust. Give him more time by making sure your ways are transparent and you avoid any suspicious movement with him. With time Oga will feel okay with you to travel and leave you behind.
Best comment so far @excited courtesy.
DeleteThis is not love. This is insecurities and with time he go dey control poster! If this is what you want poster, then go for it. Na your life not ours. I’d rather you remain single for now and seriously work on yourself.
DeleteIt is not insecurity.
DeleteIt is a request for commitment declaration.
It may be a test. Most people test the persons they plan to go on with. Women test by asking for favours in cash and kind. Men test by asking for acts. Men and women test with stressors. Etc. By hesitating, Poster is reinforcing the man's belief that she would abandon him after he may have committed more into the relationship.
The both of them appear unserious on the relationship. But she is likely to get validation here so ...
I would sign if he also signs that he wouldn't go back to any of his ex girlfriends.
ReplyDeleteShikena!
correct talk.
Delete👍👍
DeleteLizzy baby
Run, God is showing you the red flag
ReplyDeleteAs God is showing him too. The request has made Poster to re-evaluate the relationship. But she has not told what is making her hang on to it. Maybe if she dis, most of the female BVs would counsel differently. Is the man just a pocket? Is the love relationship transactional?
DeleteAfter all, the man did not say to sign not to leave. he says not back to her ex husband. If she wants to leave that door open, let her look for men who do not mind such return. Poster wants to have her cake and eat it?
The request is silly
ReplyDeleteIf she goes back what will the paper do for him
An agreement is not the paper it is written on.
DeleteA man is trying to protect himself and y’all have nothing to say but to call him insecure?you guys won’t say the same thing if it was a woman that made this request
ReplyDeleteOh stop it. Don’t you see those comments asking why she is refusing to sign, you think only men made those comments. Mtsscchhwww
DeleteOnly one woman made it.
DeleteWhy are you afraid to sign?
ReplyDeleteHow is the marriage certificate given to you at the registry different from what he asked you to sign?
Marriage vow and certificates implies that you won't sleep, do anything, etc with any other man except your husband till death do you part.
So, your new man is not asking for too much. He has noticed something about you that he wants to curb with this signing.
I do not see anything wrong with it. You are the one that should be faithful in your relationship with your man.
If I ask you to promise me that you won't steal, should that be too much for you to do? Why are you afraid to sign if you love this man and you are sure of yourself not to sleep around or go back to your ex-husband?
Mind what you are signing. A girl ran mad here last month. Stories emerged that the cause of the madness is because she took an oath that she wasn't going to reveal to anybody whom she sold her baby to. So she found a new boyfriend recently and decided to share her past with, that's how she revealed to the new guy about the baby she sold and whom she sold the baby to. The guy she revealed the secret to is the one that told someone I know. He said she ran mad a day after she revealed the secret.
ReplyDeleteI repeat. Mind what you are signing. What if you have no intention of leaving him for your ex but after marrying him, he decides to bring out the beasty nature that he had concealed from you for a long time, which is even worse than what your ex ever did to you and when you threaten to separate from him he will blackmail you with the fact that you can't leave because you signed never to leave nomatter what.
Slim shady I support you on this why will a grown man make a grown woman to sign something like this,this is like blood oath don't ever sign what if it doesn't work btw you guys again , won't you leave for your sanity, love should not make us to be blind ,it has eyes and sees. If he goes back to one of his exes nko abi the signing it's only binding to you, no go throw away your freedom for one insecurities you dodged from. Imagine signing not to go back to ex , everyday person go dey see what I don't know all in The name of marriage.
DeleteDon't ever sign ,this one na new one o na wa teenagers no even do reach like this , imagine telling an adult a grown woman to sign what I don't know, no go sign death lifetime entrapment we don tell you o
Yes, your present guy is insecure.you shouldn't quit the relationship right now but watch, study and understand who he really is.some men can be insecure when they really love their women and try to keep them away from other men.
ReplyDeletePoster you shouldn't sign any paper,if he can't trust you with your words then he shouldn't have any business with you.simply let him.Trust is so important in a relationship/marriage.
A guy that was wooing me told me to give him a try that he will never disappoint me . I had other guys coming and this is another very serious one amongst them coming wooing me too and he even met me before the guy that asked me to give him a try. When we started the relationship , he asked me to block the other guys and look for a way to make the others very serious guy no longer interested in me. I did as he told me. I really treated him badly. He called crying, that we were good friends even though we hadn't started dating but he is suprised how I suddenly changed that I nolonger want to associate with him... Ah! Pastor Sam, e no-go better for you o. In just a short period this boyfriend started showing his true nature that I could never imagine that he would exhibit. He thought because I am getting old I won't have any other option than to remain with him since I had already scared the other serious guys away by treating them badly when I met him. For where, I damned it and left before someone will stab me with knife in the night one day. I don't even have strength for argument. He even thought I would start arguing the way he wants me to just like him an his ex were always fighting and arguing. I never said a word to him. He didn't even see the sign that I am never coming back.
DeleteBy the time why went back to show my green light 🚨 to the other guy he had already moved on and he avoided me like plague. I went to meet him from time to time to help me solve one or two things but for where, baba go solve the thing finish give me and continue attending to other people without paying attention to me. Just like I don't even exist.
So, how would she handle what she wants to chop from him that the man has seen that actuated the request, and which makes the request worth considering in the first case.
DeleteWhen a man is not a mugu, he is insecure.
If the man is insecure, he would have said not to leave him at all. He did not. He limited his request to her EX husband. A request not to go back to a divorced ex husband should ordinarily be difficult to say yes to. Right?
Madam,abeg rest with this your cock n bull story. So marriage is all Abt making the children happy. Look at d crap you typed.so because you chose not to divorce your husband,because you chose to die managing a man now makes you a counselor? So this nonsense story of your marriage is now a gold standard? Abegi zoom off. Anon 15;58 thank you. Leave madam suffering and smiling wey dey manage her husband
DeleteWISHING US A PLESEANT DAY..
ReplyDelete@ Posh...whats right..???..wishing us all OR wishing us...thank u.
Well I think your new guy may have his reasons too, may be due to his past experiences.
ReplyDelete