Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

SERVED BREAKFAST

Hello Stella,

This is a long read and you can post this as a chronicle.

I have 8 month old twins and currently live with their daddy. We are also not married. When I took in, I wanted to get rid of it. He said I can do whatsoever I wanted but if I should do it, I shouldn't bother coming back home. 

We had already been dating for a year and I always told him I didn't want to have a child out of wedlock, of which he always affirmed his commitment to me in terms of marriage. That day I came back, he asked why I was thinking of getting rid of it, that he never told me he wouldn't be with me, that he was serious about me and would settle down with me.

He was locked up in a cell for a week, some months later and I singlehandedly with pregnancy orchestrated his bail, got the lawyer, had meetings with people who put him in jail and secured his release. No friend or family came forth, not one person supported me, just me and our unborn babies. I took a leave of 1 week from work to do all of this.

When I gave birth, I asked him when he was going to pay the bride price, he said he lost a lot of money in that police case and he also didn't like travelling long distance, hence he cannot travel to my village to meet my people and cannot pay the bride price that year.

My mum came for omugwo and they had a clash which resulted in her leaving. I took his side as his woman but made up with my mum later. He said my family is negative and always have negative things to say like wishing him bad. My family has never wished him bad- I only have a sibling. They have never for one day asked him of a kobo. My sister has never called him for a day because we respect each others relationship and don't butt into it.

We only attempted intimacy once after I gave birth but couldn't because it was very painful for me and we couldn't attempt without condoms, as I didn't want to get pregnant again for someone who hasn't paid my bride price, of which I told him and he said okay but later said my friend influenced that decision.

I paid someone to track his phone after some suspicions. He would tell me he was travelling or cook up ridiculous lies about going for deliverance, visiting his sick mother only for me to find out that he was with the lady at Lagos mainland and even travelled to Benin with her. I would be restless and scared when he goes on such travels, as he would completely switch off his number.

I kept quiet but one day out of anger, I cursed him and hit him on his chest. I couldn't bottle it any longer, he was pressing his phone while I was talking, laughing at me and told me to stop talking, go inside and feed the children

This is someone that said he couldn't pay my bride price nor drive me to the mainland when I had a high profile interview with a company. I couldn't go for the interview and ended up losing that opportunity.

We quarrelled about this and he said I was unkempt, lazy, dull, lack common sense, not fashionable, listened to friends a lot- I only have one friend and my sister. He said I talk to male friends and make plans without him, of which is a lie. My nanny can attest to that. I rarely step out of the house and practically go no where. I don't tell him of my plans because he always discourages my ideas and says I'm stupid. Funny enough, I am the smartest person he would ever know. I rarely talk but I'm clever and technologically inclined. My friends, school mates would attest to that. I graduated with a 2:1 and we were only five that graduated with that degree in my set. All my friends are abroad and doing great.

He never hugs me, gives me presents-birthday or otherwise, no romance, even when having s#x-no foreplay, no smiles during the day, no kissing, no praying together, no calling of pet names, he calls me by my name. He changed the endearment name, he used on his phone to my name and business name but his remained on my phone.

He rarely gives me personal money. He pays rent, does the feeding and children expenses. I take care of my personal care. I was repaying a loan I took out and had limited funds, hence I couldn't buy some personal stuff. I wanted to repay the loan first and thereafter focus on myself.

He met this girl two months ago, always leaves home every weekend since then to be with her. He would pay the nanny 5k for her to be with me on weekends. The babies would always wake up at night for him to hold them. I asked him for 40k to pay for my grandma's burial, he said he doesn't have but paid for this lady's accomodation. His excuse was that he couldn't give someone who wished him bad his money. Yet , I take care of your kids, cook food and we sleep under the same roof.

He came back home yesterday after a huge quarrel two days ago and told me that he was done with me, as he had found love and had moved on. I saw an explicit picture of them having s#x on his phone and I was broken. He masturbates to her type of body shape on his phone. Infact, she is like his spec-exactly what he wants. Leader in church, big butts and ass...

He also said he would provide for our needs and wants and he encouraged me to find someone else, as he no longer sees himself with me. I am just 8 months postpaturm, still breastfeeding, so tired and broken. How can a man of 35 years walk out on his family like that? How do I start all over again? I never imagined I would be raising children out of wedlock. This is someone who told me to stop my job and look after the kids and he would support us.

 I feel so useless and very stupid. I regret having anything to do with him. I love my babies but I regret meeting their father. I can't sleep at night or eat, I feel so bitter, pain and so much anger is bubbling in me. I need encouragement. I have learnt my lessons, so no one should please bash me, just give me advice

'*Hey Babe, you will be fine and you need to take care of the kids and then get yourself back together, make sure you dont take him back when he comes begging cos he will.......Move out of the place and get your mum to help you take care of the kids while you try to get a Job...Pick up yourself from the ground where he threw you and start again...Its hard now but know this, that you didged a bullet.....

Dont worry!