Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GOSSIP IN THE OFFICE
This new coworker joined our team about 6 weeks ago and you guys. She is a such a mean-spirited gossip. She says nasty things behind other colleagues' back and she's so nosy.
This woman (she's 45) legit stands behind people, looking at what they're doing on their screens. She stood behind me and I looked at her, like what's going on, and she was like, oh sorry I'm just being nosy and she laughed. Can you imagine.
When one person is absent she wants to backbite them. One lady was absent and she started saying, "A is a good person but people misunderstand her", wanting us to add our input. Me and my coworker looked at ourselves and ignored her.
.
She was told to shadow me and when it was just 2 of us alone, she wanted us to start gossiping. She was like, "I feel sorry for B. At her age she has no partner and if anything happens to her, she'll be alone. Even though me I'm not married I have a good network of friends and I'm sure B doesn't have any friends." Omo. I shock. Then she as looking at me to add something too. I just looked at her and in my mind I said, get thee behind me Satan. lol. And I changed the topic. She's so nasty.
She tells another person that she loves her and she's learnt so much from her but when the person stepped out, she called the person a pig because the person has asthma and often coughs and clears the throat because of allergies.
The last straw was when another person Ana was just gisting us about cost of childcare and how she's not having any more kids and how she will tell single people to consider this before they get married.
She was talking in a joking tone oo. Few days later, Ana is absent. And people are wondering if Ana is OK. From nowhere, Madam Amebo said that Ana cannot afford childcare so she has to stay home and take care of the kids and she predicts that she will be taking more and more leave because she cannot afford someone to watch the kids. I was shocked. I was just looking at her and my mouth was open. Because I was there when Ana talked about childcare and Ana didn't even insinuate such. .
She ws just talking and laughing at how much she spends.
This girl is very nice to people but behind their backs, omo. She's horrible. The things that come out of her mouth. And she's always looking for any opportunity to backbite if one person leaves the room or is absent.
I am so tired of her. I know of course that I have to be on my guard and I never talk to her unless it's about work and I absolutely have to. But I just really dislike her and dislike that she joined our team because the air is so negative and toxic now.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you guys deal with such horrible characters ?
They exist in every organisation, you just learn to live with them cos no organisation is gossip free....
This girl is very nice to people but behind their backs, omo. She's horrible. The things that come out of her mouth. And she's always looking for any opportunity to backbite if one person leaves the room or is absent.
I am so tired of her. I know of course that I have to be on my guard and I never talk to her unless it's about work and I absolutely have to. But I just really dislike her and dislike that she joined our team because the air is so negative and toxic now.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did you guys deal with such horrible characters ?
They exist in every organisation, you just learn to live with them cos no organisation is gossip free....
let those who have dealt directly with such people tell you what to do......
I have heard of rivalry and Jealusy in the work place but this one you described is more toxic.....
Your colleague is not your friend,know this and know peace ✌
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a very Canadian person, poster please is your workplace in Canada or did this person just move from there? The toxicity in the Canadian work environment is unbelievable until you experience it. God forbid.
DeleteSo far the person is not diabolical, manage her. But be wise
DeleteMao Akuh
@ Blogbrity, thank you for that comment. Colleagues are not your friends , unless you decide to . Do your work and go home.
DeleteAnon😆🤣🤣😆. I work in the cooperate world in Canada and I absolutely love my colleagues apart from 2 very disgusting entities that I've cautioned sha, but sometimes, I wonder if it would have been the same if I worked in the office. I work in a different city from everyone else and work fully remote too. I hear about bad gossips at work in this Canada but i can't relate.
DeleteSomeone needs to absolutely put her in her place. Be rest assured she’s also talking about you to others when u are not there. I’d also advise that you start recording any conversations with her because of when she will tell another u said what u didn’t say.
ReplyDeletePoster do this. Then blow it open so everybody will see who she really is. This type of people will not stop until they're called out openly
DeletePlease record all her conversations because you may need it, and if you can’t take it anymore, open up to her or avoid her totally,
DeleteI have a neighbor that’s like her; she enters everyone flat and tries to bring gossip to me, while playing nice in their presence, I had to cut her off
'Rest assured', there is no 'be'.
DeleteRecord? Waste of time.
DeletePoster, continue on the path you have chosen. But stop disliking her. That would eventually show in your relationship and force you to talk to her in a way she would use against you. At the most, just dislike her habit. That would keep you on your gguard around her.
Mr. Mann
Tomorrow, she will write a Chronicle and lament how people don't like her . She won't tell us how she back bites and gossips about people.
DeleteSometimes all we need to do is to look in the mirror, before we start accusing village people
Record??? I consider this pure evil, worse than the gossip
DeleteIt is unethical to record conversations in the workplace without the other person's consent. In fact, it is an offense in some organizations.
DeleteDon't try it. You will make people see you as evil. Just bring up one of her topics when the subject is there. Like that your colleague with the childcare story, once she's back, say it out "jokingly" in front of her and everyone else how you were so sure she wasn't going to turn up anytime soon because gossiper said and was so sure it was because of child care. Do it with the one that's single and no friends too. Her yansh will open and she will take a break. At least a break from you. I hate rubbish!
DeleteThey don’t exist in my organization
ReplyDeleteThis thing is a culture thing
Management should always make it clear such behavior can lead to termination and suddenly folks will hold their mouth
They EXIST IN EVERY ORGANISATION.
DeleteEVETY ORGANISATION.
You simply say YOU are not aware.
The level to which they can boldly appear in an organisation is the level to which management allows and encourages toxicity.
They are like cockroaches, they will always meander around, the more encouraging the environment is for their growth, the faster they reproduce and lay eggs everywhere.
16:07
DeleteTrue.
Anon they are not in mine
Delete17:13
Deletek
I love such organisation with such rule. That will make them to be focused and control their mouths.
DeleteI love such organisation with such rule. That will make them to be focused and control their mouths.
DeletePray her away from you before she puts the place into confusion
ReplyDeletePoster na wa oh. Someone who should be in onboarding mode to truly understand the company she works for; she is going about spreading bad seeds in just 6 weeks. Poster please don't ever engage in any conversation with her about your co-workers. If she is pressing for your input, tell her politely ''Please can we focus on the task before us, I don't talk about other team members, Thank you''
ReplyDeleteJust handle everything professionally with her. Keep handy and document all your achievements so far; na her type will take all the glory when she contributed nothing. Very toxic human being..
You guys can record her conversations and play it before her with everyone present that are involved. Then you guys will warn her well, that if she doesn't stop with the defamation, you will report her to the HR.
Make sure you inform HR ahead of time before you warn her so it does not sound like intimidation.
All the best
If they team share same feeling and agree to knowing this bad trait of her's, then you all should schedule a meeting in one accord to tell her of this terrible trait of hers. Everyone must talk not to be championed by one person so she understands and start controlling herself as nobody will encourage or support her in this negative vices. In all remember to all do it with love, consideration and courtesy.
ReplyDeleteThe team must put boundary with her if she starts again (Negative reinforcement)
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Winston Churchill
Which team?
DeleteShe is going on because some members of the team are giving her listening ears. If all are like Poster she would have stopped since.
Poster don't follow this advice by @sisi Nene else management would consider it a gang up if she reports you. Yours is to keep everything between you 2 professional and if her behavior makes you uncomfortable and affects your productivity or peace then you report to your superior.
DeleteAh! Don't follow this line of action, even if you are invited into the schism . I have loads of experience where we Would agree on one accord while my guys have other agenda. Don't record and don't gangup against anyone. Be professional with her.
DeleteConfront her in the presence of all the people she has gossiped about
ReplyDeleteShe will stop
Wrong move.
DeleteIf you follow this advice, kiss your job goodbye.
DeleteShe is 45 and behaving like this, someone needs to cut her bluff in the open among other colleagues that is when people like her stop such rubbish.
ReplyDeleteIf there's no one to do that, when next she comes to your desk and she starts her gossip, tell her you will appreciate she doesn't discuss coworker life with you and she should stop telling person A about person B because the whole team is aware of what she has been up to.
You can as well inform your team lead or manager to call her into order before she scatters the team.
They practice tush gossip in my office, they create group chat to discuss what happens in the team
You people are encouraging her with a terrible attitude, you need to call her to stop that rubbish attitude of hers. The day she was telling lies about Ann was the day you would have told her to stop saying things people never said, you tell her to face front no matter how old she is. if you have disgraced her by now she would have learned her lesson and stopped talking about people.
ReplyDeletePeople like her is to greet them from far and never have any conversation with them. You must have such people in any organization but have the ability to distance from them.
My dear if I gist you of what I saw in a so called commercial institution with branches across the country ehmmmm, you sef go bow. If I gist you what I've seen in corporate institutions here in Nigeria with names, some of you will not even believe.
ReplyDeleteThose places where they are always forming pious pious na where demons are mostly employed.
Especially in Nigeria where most employers want their employees to kiss their ass and gossip so as to create enough silos while hypocritically preaching 'unity'.
You are abroad, better face front.
You are black.
And female.
2 strikes.
And Nigerian.
3 strikes.
Are you dark skinned?
4 strikes.
You don't gossip, backfire, slander or engage in corporate politics.
5,6,7,8 strikes.
Better read the room.
You think your colleagues and line manager don't know how she is and what she does?
E go shock you say dem go promote that babe, you go dey where you dey with your good manners.
You are abroad, do your work, smile with everyone, face front and shut up.
Welcome to the corporate world.
Thank you. Just to add.
DeletePoster, strive to be very good at your work. And as advised above keep records of your contributions as much as company policy allows. Your competence assures of being retained or opportunity of another job.
Her presence and gossip is being enjoyed by some members of the group. Do not go bell any cat by being the person to confront her or put her in check. Do not be scratched out.
Exactly what I was thinking, having spent years in the corporate world, I can boldly tell the poster that most management staff and bosses love people like this (that give them unofficial information about staff). Your best bet is to continue ignoring her gossips but call her to order politely if she says any nonsense that concerns you to your hearing.
DeleteMost importantly, do your job excellently well, be particular about your own personal achievements and contributions, most of us made this mistake of only flowing with the team's work...Yes, be a team player but ensure there are important and strategic goals that were achieved by you while working as a team and ensure they are documented, like memos you sent out, mail trails of you following up or dealing with issues.
If you have any major client or contact that is relevant to your job, try to keep them away from her, don't share their contacts or go there with her (if you can). Guard your job diligently because you are dealing with a deadly and dangerous teammate. Oh...and it's very likely she's diabolic as well so be alert spiritually, lest you start having issues with your input and your bosses. All the best.
They are every where oh, please keep your distance.
ReplyDeleteHer day of reckoning is coming.
This is a typical American behavior. They kiss you and tell you they love you at work, admire everything you’re putting on. 🤪. Just step out and they will bash you so badly. I told them where I come from we don’t talk shit about our friends. So called besties have the meanest things to say about each other. Tueh!
ReplyDeleteKaren
Such people are everywhere. Do you like discussing people or gossip? If No. Whenever they start talking about Mr A or Mrs B, just pretend like you didn't hear. Even if they ask for your opinion, use your head or rather tell them you have no idea.
ReplyDeleteThat person telling you about this person is also telling same person about you. I call them idle minds.
Not everyone likes toxic company.
Thank you all for your comments and thanks Stella for posting. Went anon so I could be more detailed.
ReplyDeleteThe team before this lady joined was quite peaceful. Yes, gossip exists in every organisation but it was not petty, mean gossip, until she joined. And hers is so obvious.
For the people who guessed her race, yes she is white. And to that comment who said she wants to take over, omo, you're so right. Can you believe that in the day she was to shadow me, she took over and started talking over me, and started telling the clients what to do, so they were now engaging with her instead of me, as a fellow white.
I was going to let it slide but I spoke to an older black woman who advised me to stop it now, before it progresses. That she knows exactly what she's doing and she's dangerous. So I spoke to her and said I wasn't happy about how she completely took over my own project when she was supposed to be learning from me. That was how she started these white women's fake tears and was saying oh she was only trying to be helpful. That she didn't mean anything by it. That she could tell it was a hostile environment so she wanted to protect me. See me see wahala oh. No be evil spirit be this? So I told her I've been doing this for a long time and I'm used to it and I'm usually by myself, so I didn't need her help or protection. She then said sorry, but I'd determined within me that I'm never working on anything with her, and I would decline anything if we're paired together. So I've just been avoiding her and only talking about work.
The other black colleague also noticed and said she wants to leave the job because this lady has made it toxic and I understand how she feels, hence my wanting advice. I don't intend to stay here for long, but I hate dreading coming into work. That was the reason I left my previous job because it was just very toxic, and this job has been quite peaceful and even almost enjoyable, before this lady joined.
Also she goes to mgt and acts all concerned about certain things and she's not even smart, she'll come and tell us, "oh I spoke to *manager* because I was concerned about this and that and I wanted to improve it" and I'm like, you're new and you're already going to make complaints. So I definitely know that she gossiping about everyone and everything. And you know white privilege is a real things.
Matter of fact, I overhead her saying my name to someone else yesterday , that's another proof of how much she gossips. I didn't catch what she said, but I heard my name loud and clear. That was another reminder to be cautious around her. So I've just been ignoring her and minding my business, and she's noticed because she came to me yesterday and today to ask if I'm okay. Lol. I said, "yes. Are you OK too?" full stop. No engagement, no friendship.
She's dangerous and I'll be very very careful around her. Thanks again for all the advice.
and I'm like, you're new and you're already going to make complaints.
DeleteI’m new at my current job and I’ve sent complaints and ideas for improvement to management
I even write mine in a presentation
Good managers like that so it’s good what she’s doing
Don’t hesitate to share your complaints too
Hmmmm, it seems a lot of people don't work in offices here.
ReplyDeletePoster, keep your lips zipped unless it is work mode.
Anything else, like someone said, mind your business.
Also, for those who asked, it's UK.
ReplyDeleteYou know how British people can like to smile and laugh with you with that fake British politeness, and then go behind and plot your downfall.
Another black lady I know was actually ganged up against by her whole team and lied on, she was on suspension for 6wks. they called her to HR and found no proof of what they said she did, so they apologised and gave her paid 6wks off, as though that would fix anything.
Black people are just discriminated against and hated everywhere.
I will be very very watchful and zip my lip.
Thanks again.
On suspension for 6months *, I meant to say.
DeletePoster, take it for someone who has survived the worst forms of work place toxicity: mind your business. If e too much, find another job.
ReplyDeleteThis one is small na. Have you worked where your colleagues are eagerly and openly hoping and praying you fail on projects, like they don't even hide it? They are happy when others fail.
Have you worked where colleagues gossip and backbite each other mercilessly and viciously and are always gossiping to management?
As in hod who claims to have sense,will leave his desk and go and balance in 'management's office and be chatting buckshit about others.
Have you worked with a CEO/CMO who believes every bit of gossip from his sycophants and says the most horrible things about you to colleagues, vendors etc stylishly encouraging others to disrespect and discredit you so you appear incompetent and unreliable?
But na dem dey pray 20 times a day as per holy mortals. Abject hypocrites.
This lady na small fingerling.
Only this one you dey shake? So what would you have done in my shoes? Lemaoooo. This 45 year old wey dey behave like tata is what is stressing you? Zone her the fcuk out and mind the business that pays you.
All these people telling you to engage,address her, call for meeting, record etc etc, most likely have never worked in a corporate office or experienced such.
If mouth really dey scratch you, go and buy a 12 packs of Wrigleys cinammon gum and be chewing vigorously. Anytime she's comes to you, be smiling like imbe, let it be like she's talking to a wall. Change the subject to the weather, or football or the price of cheese.
I've learnt from a very young age how to zone dirty, negative, toxic, devilish people out, so that they only exist as an image occupying space than as human elements.
And I treat them accordingly.
My mental health (I'm not gen z please) is very very very important to me.
Thanks@19:19
DeleteYour comment and the balanced comments of those who quickly decoded the "sights and sounds" of this post are why some of us come here.
The depth and breadth of some comments on this blog are👍🏿.
I’m also Gen X (50s) in corporate America…I only discuss weather, recipes for muffins, stuffings, etc, sports and non specifics on general kids funny behaviors at work. My Gen Zs in corporate America too always say “if they have to pay me to see you, you are not my friend”. They rarely make friends at the office, now remote/hybrid creates even more distance among colleagues . I adopted their mantra though I’m in Snr management. Anyone can easily get in trouble here, colleagues, peers, seniors. You can be accused of creating a hostile environment or reverse racism as a boss, sometimes your boss can make one of your subordinates a spy.
DeleteDon’t listen to those saying you should record. Recording conversations without consent is illegal here & could cost you your job. Don’t try to straighten anyone. Change the topic to “Caramel latte decaf” or “espresso” at Starbucks vs Panera😃 and face your work. Your colleagues are NOT your friends like in Nigeria. I made lasting friends at work in Naija but in over twenty years here, I’ve only made friends with a couple of colleagues of Nigerian descent. “Face your front” as they say in Naija. It’s tough but it’s what you have to do to survive.
Nice one from an elder
DeleteAbeg just avoid her like a plague oo, before she put you for trouble with her leaking mouth.
ReplyDeleteNot contributing to the conversation is not enough. Sometimes silence is consent. Tell her in plain terms that you do not engage in gossip and she should refrain from such ‘gist’. She might resent or avoid you for a while, but she will at least know your stance. Don’t get into any verbal altercations with her, keep being cordial and professional. Oh, rest assured, she is saying stuff behind your back too.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, most boss like to have such people around as a check on what is happening in there absent. Just do your job and move, oun to ba hun elenu ni o le fi enu e so.
ReplyDelete